New York Times contributing writer Arthur C. Brooks penned an essay this past weekend on the futility of our constant pursuit of happiness.
For one thing, the people who score highest on Happiness metrics tend to also score higher on Unhappiness. What’s important is the net deficit or surplus of happiness:
Bad: UnH > H
Good: H > UnH
Brooks cites numerous ways in which we make ourselves less happy even as we pursue a sense of well-being. [Read more...]
I’m being inundated with reader emails! Lots of you want to know what I think about the Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction story that went viral thanks to Deadspin a few days ago.
I hadn’t planned to write on it, because I generally don’t see much value in one-off sensational stories, but here we go, by popular demand!
From her original Reddit post:
“Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone.
Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.”
Here’s the spreadsheet: [Read more...]
A respected expert on Mating Intelligence has come straight out and told us why Game doesn’t work and is in fact harmful to men.
Psychology and research superstar Scott Barry Kaufman has written The Myth of the Alpha Male for the highly esteemed blog The Art of Manliness. Kaufman is the co-author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed, which I cited in a post about the mating value of male creativity.
“One really persistent myth, that is literally costing human lives, is the distinction between “alpha” and “beta” males.
As the story typically goes, there are two types of men.
“Alpha” males are those at the top of the social status hierarchy. They have greater access to power, money, and mates, which they gain through physical prowess, intimidation, and domination. Alphas are typically described as the “real men.”
In contrast are the “Beta” males: the weak, submissive, subordinate guys who are low status, and only get access to mates once women decide to settle down and go searching for a “nice guy.”
Kaufman has three primary objections to Red Pill myths:
There are no nice players, there are only dads and cads. All players are cads.
There are men of good character who attract a lot of women. Let’s call them Handsome Dads. They conduct their relationships openly and honestly. While dating a Handsome Dad comes with its own challenges, e.g., mate poaching attempts!, these men do not exhibit the sociopathic tendencies of the Player.
The Player seeks to prove his worth as a man by acquiring as many sex partners as possible. While the Player is most likely to succeed with habitually promiscuous women, he is most anxious to demonstrate that he is capable of getting “good girls.” In the bad old days when Players frequently commented here at HUS, their sole concern was to dispel any notion that they were getting with “sluts,” despite considerable evidence to the contrary.
However, the Player has a problem. The “good girls” he wants to count among his conquests look for signals of sincere attachment and a willingness to commit. The Player cannot advertise his preference for Hit It & Quit It and still succeed with his desired “target.”
There is only one way the Player can get what he wants. The Player is a liar. [Read more...]