For True Love, Pick a Beta Male
Jim Halpert
Last week at Thanksgiving dinner, we had a variety of family members and friends over who had not previously met. The 20 year-old girls got talking about their favorite guy friends, referring to these boys using such affectionate nicknames as Precious Delight, Pure Sweetness and Totally Dorbs (for adorable). A 28 year-old guy overhearing this conversation declared that he would drop dead if he thought any woman was describing him as a Precious Delight. He insisted that women want the Alpha male, the superhero, the dominant, strong leader of the pack. In his view, these silly girls were describing sissies, weak and effeminate losers. But what he missed was the fact that the girls were giggling and sighing over Betas. Those affectionate, demonstrative, communicative, laid-back, gentle, nice guys.
When I was in college there was this one guy whose nickname was Trog, short for Trogladyte. One Halloween he dressed as a caveman, and it was the most suitable outfit I ever saw him wear. I thought he was gross, but I suppose he had a certain something, if you fantasize about being dragged around by your hair and ravished near the campfire. (Actually, that sounds hot.) But that was the late 70s and Alpha males were out of fashion. The counter-cultural 60s had glorified what I called Sensitive Ponytail Man, i.e., the Beta male. I dreamt of poets and singer songwriters, not jocks. Of course, the pendulum always swings back, and eventually those guys grew up, went to grad school, cut their hair and joined the Establishment. Their sons aspired to Alpha status.
Seth Rogan
When it comes to hooking up, Alpha, Beta and even Omega males are all trying to get a piece. They’re vying with each other to prove who is the biggest stud. But they should pay closer attention. The girls are getting restless, and something is stirring in the status quo. Beta males, those sweet, sincere boys who speak the female language are emerging as heroes in popular culture. Girls want boyfriends who’ve got a bit of femme in them emotionally. They want boyfriends who are best friends. And women have the power to raise the Beta’s station in life by making him the new romantic ideal.
Jim Halpert, played by the Perfectly Dorbs John Krasinski on The Office, is the best living example of the perfect Beta. Sigh. (He actually grew up in the next town over, and I’ve seen him attending Mass with his parents when he’s been home for a visit. So precious.) Jim Halpert isn’t breathtakingly handsome, but his hotness comes from the pure unadulterated love he feels (and demonstrates) for Pam. You just know he loves hours on end of pillow talk (which, of course, follows hours on end of putting Pam’s sexual satisfaction first).
Seth Rogan doesn’t do it for me personally, but he has proven he is capable of convincingly playing the leading man. Before seeing Knocked Up, you can’t imagine how Katherine Heigl’s character would ever go for him. And when you leave the theater, you’re not buying it. But during the movie you suspend disbelief. He doesn’t have his act together, but he has a good heart. The raw material is there. Ultimately, he is made a better man by his love for a woman. Now, that’s a boy that women can put their arms around.
Free Credit Report Guy
My own personal crush at the moment is Free Credit Report guy. He is so good-natured, so self-effacing, so funny. OK, maybe I don’t want my daughter to marry him, with his lousy credit rating and all. But I bet he would make a really good boyfriend. And in the middle of all this hooking up and awkwardness and crappy treatment from the Alphas, doesn’t a visit to Beta territory sound refreshing? Perfectly Wonderful.
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How do I know if it is a beta man?
They're more laid back, content not to always be in charge. And they're never macho, they tend to be more sensitive, emotional types. More the poets than the quarterbacks, if you know what I mean.
How would you react to a man trying to understand female more so we can be a better man for you? Do you appreciate our efforts?
How would you react to a person who is trying to understand a female more to make him a better man for her? Do you appreciate this?
Of course! That's not to say all women would, but the smart ones would.
Isn't this just the other side of the coin? Women doing the same thing guys supposedly have been doing for a long time…the slut vs. marriage material? Madonna/whore vs Alpha/Beta men and women? So when are guys going to care enough to publish book after book denouncing the madnonna or the whore…I mean Alpha or Beta or whats an omega male? A dead one?
No, I don't think it is the same thing at all! The madonna/whore construct is a moral one, implying judgment (by males) based on a woman's behavior. Alpha vs. beta is theoretically not based on behavior, but rather a man's true nature. Guys don't want to be beta, and spend a lot of time attempting to prove to themselves, and each other, that they are alpha. Of course, they can't all be alpha males. My point here is that many women like beta guys, so maybe those guys should celebrate their beta-ness.
Bob is partially right. The flipside of the madonna (women for relationships) / whore (women for sex) dichotomy is the alpha lover (men for sex) / beta provider (men for relationships) dichotomy.
Where he is wrong is that women have also always been doing this, because it was hardwired by evolution. Men and women are opposites though, so men idealize being valued for sex more, while women idealize being valued for relationships more. Thus, the beta “nice guy” provider is the equivalent to whore, and the bad boy alpha lover is the equivalent to the madonna. This is why men don't like women who give sex to alphas for “free” while expecting betas to “pay”; all guys should get it for “free” or all guys should have to “pay”.
Ah, what you're missing here is that Betas are sexy! The most important sex organ is the brain, and betas have them, and use them! I don't want to be dragged around by my hair. And I don't expect a beta to pay, while giving it away for free to an alpha. That's not what most women want. If you seek all your women at bars and nightclubs, if you're constantly having sex with Girls Gone Wild, you are going for low quality. The guys who are the real Alphas, the naturals who have always dominated, are few. I don't think being Type B is anything to be ashamed of, and for what it's worth, those are the men who win out in the end. They may achieve a sort of Alpha status through their achievements, but they weren't born that way. And they certainly don't acquire true Alpha status by acting like jerks. That's a temporary fix. Embrace the beta, most women do.
Ah, what you're missing here is that Betas are sexy! The most important sex organ is the brain, and betas have them, and use them! I don't want to be dragged around by my hair. And I don't expect a beta to pay, while giving it away for free to an alpha. That's not what most women want. If you seek all your women at bars and nightclubs, if you're constantly having sex with Girls Gone Wild, you are going for low quality. The guys who are the real Alphas, the naturals who have always dominated, are few. I don't think being Type B is anything to be ashamed of, and for what it's worth, those are the men who win out in the end. They may achieve a sort of Alpha status through their achievements, but they weren't born that way. And they certainly don't acquire true Alpha status by acting like jerks. That's a temporary fix. Embrace the beta, most women do.