You’re Welcome, Guys!

Posted by Susan Walsh on Feb 24, 2009 in Hooking Up Realities, What Guys Want |
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“Snips and snails, and puppy dog tails, that’s what little boys are made of.”

 

 

 

 

Something interesting has been happening here at Hooking Up Smart. As you may know from my About page, I started this site to support young women as they navigate the hookup culture. I write about all aspects of contemporary relationships. But guys are coming here! At first I felt like I’d caught a guy in the Women’s restroom, but now I find I kinda like having them around. 

They’ve been a low-key but real presence. You’ll see them leaving Comments on occasion. I also see them arriving here via search terms like the following:

  • will drunk girl hook up and have sex the first night
  • hooked up with girl how long do I wait to call
  • hooking up with girl but like her best friend

 

I’ve also had some of my articles get posted on Salon.com and Current.com, and I find that at least half of the comments there come from men. I think this shows that men are affected by the hookup culture, just as women are. Their concerns may be different, their desires may be different, but I’m convinced they are often just as confused and unsure as women are about how to create and sustain relationships. Many guys have indicated they want more than casual sex, and they can get understandably defensive about being described as players and jerks so much of the time. In fact, some of them have been feeling pretty jerked around themselves.

When I was growing up there was a popular feminist slogan:

fish-bicycle1“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

 

 

 

I never felt that way, and I still don’t! Most women need and want relationships with men.

I welcome any guys who care to come hang out here and join the conversation. Comment, email me, hell, write a guest post from a male point of view. We’d love to hear what you’re thinking!

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  • Dante
    ok lol
  • I landed here last week via a StumbleUpon stumble and found the tone of post and conversation interesting. Not only am I a guy, but I am an older guy (late 50s) struggling to understand the "hook up" culture. So, while you may be writing for "young women" I think the lessons and thoughts are relevant to all of us. I've only been here a few days, so we'll see how I feel after a few weeks.
  • susanawalsh
    Welcome forgingahead! I'm so glad you stumbled here, and I do hope you'll keep coming back and commenting. Yes, I will be writing primarily with young women in mind, but I will strive to make the content relevant to all of us!
  • Dante
    well im a young guy who saw a post on current and went to this site. although i thoroughly enjoy your view on hook-up culture and how women can avoid it to find the "good boy", i often find it disheartening you don't look too much into the male perspective. And, there are often aspects of guys that i found wrong or out-dated. now knowing that you are actively hoping for guys to comment and share there voice i will... oh and form now on i'll be posting under "escarondito", my current name.
  • susanawalsh
    That's awesome, escarondito! Come often and spread the word among your male friends too. You said in another comment that you're a 21 year-old FWB now looking for something more. That's exactly what many girls are waiting patiently for. We look forward to hearing from you.
  • Hi Susan,
    I heard you on the curtis Sliwa show last night. Nice job! I wrote a review of a book called Sex and the Soul, by Donna Freitas. Her research supports what you've been saying: men are confused by hook-up culture too!
    Here's the link: http://thephoenix.com/article_ektid61545.aspx
    Best regards,
    OGN
  • susanawalsh
    Thanks so much for commenting! That was my third time on talk radio - he is a character! Also, I see that you wrote The Soulmate Myth in the Globe mag. recently - I really liked that piece. (I'm in Boston, too.) And I loved the Donna Freitas book. In fact, I've been meaning to write her and tell her so. You wrote a thoughtful review of it. So thanks for the introduction and the tidbits, nice to meet you!
  • I love men and there are not enough voices in the single-blog world! I'm so excited that hooking up smart has a male following. Men need advice on hooking up smart too!!!! Oh gosh. Its just one of those things that EVERYONE needs advice on now and again!
  • overzealous
    Maybe I didn't get the memo or cared not to really check it out, but I got here through current.com with the "Is Porn Changing the Way We Kiss" article. After that, I actually bookmarked the page and returned frequently. My favorite article being the "Togetherness" one for its list of defining moments in ones hook up relationship.

    Besides being just a guy, I am a guy who lives in Isle Vista, CA - the hookup capital of college towns. I go to University of California, Santa Barbara; so besides being on the beach and at college simultaneously we are also crammed into a 1 square mile of thousands of hormone raging households of 6, 7, 8, 10, or 12 people living in close 3 bedroom apartments and the like. Yes, we are congested, yes, we are "horny" and yes we do hook-up a lot.

    Not to say that we are overzealous with our sexcapades, but we do have a article that runs on Wednesdays called the "Wednesday Hump" written by a sex columnist. Entertaining to say the least. (www.dailynexus.com)

    And you were right in the above post, us guys do not like being labeled as players and as "non-manly" as this sounds coming from a graduating senior at one of the top party schools in the country - I love this website, I love mutual relationships, and even though random hookups may be fun and exciting, its the "togetherness" with someone else that really drives me to hookup and eventually one thing leads to another.



    Need a male columnist? I would love to throw out my romanticism, hookup, and male perspective on a frequent basis :)
  • susanawalsh
    overzealous, I LOVE your comment! Your perspective adds so much to the discussion, and I also find it heartening to hear from guys who want "togetherness" (from UCSB no less! haha). How about writing a guest post for HUS? I'd be honored to publish it, and I think my women readers would really welcome the male perspective.
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