How to Stimulate Demand in a Relationship Recession

March 13, 2009

bulgariThe worldwide luxury goods market, once thought immune to the ebbs and flows of economic fluctuations, is likely to enter a recession in 2009, according to Bain & Company’s Luxury Goods Worldwide Market Study. Francesco Trapani, CEO of Bulgari, insists that he will not risk the company’s image for opulence and exclusivity by slashing prices.

“This isn’t a business where you reduce prices to sell more. That is totally wrong.” 

Similarly, Robert Siragusa, president of Maurice Lacroix USA, the American arm of the famous Swiss maker of watches, which retail for up to $10,000 says:

“Things go in cycles in life and business, up and down. You have to look at the top of the hill rather than the bottom, and how you get to the top.”

 

I suggest that you think of yourself this way. You are a luxury good that is available in a Relationship Recession. You may have to be smart about your marketing, but you do not need to give yourself away to a low bidder looking for a hookup, with no interest in further contact. As a strategy expert with a background in business, I often apply the principles I’ve used in my work to other areas of my life, including relationships. No matter what your goal is in life, it makes sense to plan for it and execute your plan in the most efficient way possible to achieve the desired result. That is the definition of strategy.

Relationships do occur in the hookup culture, but the current environment is hostile to relationships and commitment. There are significant “market forces” in place that have created a Relationship Recession. If you want to be successful in finding a relationship, you need to go about it strategically. Sometimes I hear that having a strategy about dating or relationships is tantamount to “playing games.” I think that’s crazy. First, this is not about playing at anything, it’s about relating to another person in a real way. Second, we all employ strategies every day. When you avoid the freeway at rush hour, you are planning your actions in light of the supply and demand of freeway use at a particular time of day. When you work late on a project, you are strategically assessing the expected outcome if you finish your work, vs. the result if you blow it off.

Being strategic means being prepared. It’s smart. It means you can stop wasting time, and put your efforts towards realistic outcomes. In a Relationship Recession, the supply of women who seek relationships far outstrips the demand for those women. Guys are less likely to spend their emotional resources when the real transaction cost of sex is plummeting, or has hit rock bottom. They take each day as it comes, seeking short-term gratification in the form of casual hookups. 

Recently, however, I have sensed a real shift in the conversation. I am feeling cautiously bullish about relationships, and I predict that the market will improve soon, with the number of relationships growing at a slow but steady rate. In the media, on Hooking Up Smart, and in my conversations with young women and men, I have detected a malaise, a sort of hookup fatigue. Men in particular have expressed for the first time how tedious, even boring, hooking up can be, with its awkwardness, its drunkenness and its mediocre sex. While there’s no doubt that casual sex can be exciting and fun, it loses much of its appeal when it’s the Daily Special every single day. 

Selling luxury, on the other hand, is primarily about fulfilling the dreams and desires of the consumer.  Luxury provides the consumer with a sense of emotional well-being.  In order to create demand, you must convince the buyer that the experience you are offering will enhance his life.  You need to find a way to convey the concept that with his investment in a relationship, he gains membership to an elite group. To create the perception of exclusivity, it is essential that distribution is restrictive. 

That means that you are not readily available to all customers!  You have not been giving out free samples right and left.  You are not playing “hard to get,” you are “hard to get.”  One mistake often made in the marketing of luxury items is “marking down” to clear inventory.  But as the CEO of Bulgari stated, the most luxurious items in the world never go on sale.  Neither should you.  You are secure in the value of your worth and your affections.  A worthy guy will be privileged to win you.  No discounting allowed.

Your Luxury Market Strategy

Young people today don’t even know what romance is.  When asked in studies, they usually describe a chaste activity like having a long talk, or looking at the stars.  They don’t think that romance has anything to do with sex.  It is not surprising, then, that most girls today have had very little experience with romance.  But they’ve seen enough movies and read enough chick lit to know that ideally, romance should precede sex.  (Guys don’t see chick flicks unless on a date, and since no one dates anymore, they no longer are reaping the benefits of those crucial lessons.)  Guys do understand, however, that girls are different than they are, and want different things from a relationship.  It will be your job to teach them what it is that you want, and what you are prepared to give in return. 

The first order of business is to reduce the supply of casual sex in the marketplace.  

No more “marking down” to “clear inventory.” As fewer girls provide no-strings attached sex (decreasing the supply), the demand for sex will rise and the price will follow. Obviously, that will not happen overnight. But the sooner you start demanding the respect you deserve, the sooner you will meet someone who is actually willing to provide it. Where to start? 

Start changing the ground rules by changing the messages you are sending to guys about hooking up:

  • In a group of guys, try to be equally charming with each of them.  Be friendly and approachable.  Do not single one out for particular attention, which will be interpreted as an invitation to hook up.  Don’t make it too easy for a boy.  If he wants to get with you, he has to pursue you and risk rejection.
  • Be friends first.  Get to know him.  He will not object unless he has no interest in getting to know you, in which case, you are better off not hooking up with him because you will never hear from him again.  If he is willing to be friends, then the two of you will have an opportunity to experience trust, caring and respect.  It’s OK to hook up as friends as you are getting to know each other, but be wary of “friends with benefits” arrangements.  Girls often report that once they start hooking up, they lose the friend part and the boy gets all the benefits.
  • Demonstrate that you are able to appreciate what he has to give.  Do not make demands for more.  Just as you are not obliged to provide sex, he is not obliged to provide a relationship.  Being “low maintenance” provides two important benefits.  It lets him experience how good it feels to be appreciated, trusted and accepted by a girl.  And it shows his friends that his being in a relationship with you would not be a drag on him and deprive them of his company.  But don’t confuse being low maintenance with having low standards.  It’s all about being reasonable.

 

Remember, few guys will own up to wanting to fall in love.  In fact, he may have made a decision to avoid it at all costs.  Your job is to create cracks for him to fall through.  Give him time to experience your company without the pressure of added demands.  Live a full and independent life of your own.  You must not overwhelm him with your needs. One whiff of desperation from you and he’ll disappear immediately. 

The key here is to create a dynamic where neither of you is indebted to the other.  When you are together, it will be because you both choose to be.  So chill out and be patient.  Let him experience at his own pace what a real connection feels like.

  • http://singlutionary.com Singlutionary

    Chilling out and being patient seem to be good qualities/actions these days in all regards. Desperation is merely a state of mind. If you know your own quality, you'll never discount yourself!

    Awesome post!

  • susanawalsh

    Singlutionary, another quotable from you: Desperation is merely a state of mind. So true.

  • Skooma

    You want to know what men want? I'll tell you what this one wants. I don't claim to represent all men, or even a small majority. But here's what I want. This is the total no-shit truth: I want a girl who will give me a fair chance and not be a hair-trigger. Every single girl I meet always passes judgement and pushes me aside. A couple weeks ago I got stood up by a girl. She hasn't spoken to me since, no explanation, no apology. I can only surmise that this is because I left an angry message because I didn't like being dragged across town for nothing, and the date was HER IDEA. I'm sick of dealing with women who take zero responsibility and act like if I do not act absolutely perfectly and display emotions they don't like (when they are totally in th wrong no less) than I must be gotten rid of post-haste. I'm human, I have emotions and can't act rationally 100% of the time. It's to the point where I simply do not believe a woman will do as she agreed. This is academic anyway since it is rare they ever take the chance and would rather stick with the un-thinking un-caring men they always go out with and SURPRISE things don't get better for them. Rather than make supply and demand problems out of relationships (which I like by the way) attempting to feel out why the men women end up with are low-quality, my advice is to make better choices and to start acting like adults. I don't really want sex, or to hook up. I'm a man, and commitment doesn't scare me at all, it scares women.

    You don't need models based in economics to figure it out. Just act like an adult, be a little tolerant, and don't be so unstable and volatile that you shut people out forever for losing their temper slightly (especially when it's justified and you messed up).

  • Gabriel

    Talking about women controlling the supply of sex, or not providing no-strings attached sex, implies that sex is what women bring to the table in exchange for something else from men. The truth is that sex is a mutual act, something both parties bring to the table. If women providing sex is a luxury commodity, then men providing good sex is an even more valuable and rare commodity that is more in demand. In exchange for “providing” sex, a woman receives sex in return… this should be an even exchange and if it's not (for either party, man or woman), then it's time to find someone who's better in bed. This theory implies that the guy wants the sex and the girl controls the sex. That is often true. The opposite is often true as well… it depends on the relationship. But even if the former is the case, why be with a guy that is very easy to keep her hands off of? And if her sex is her main redeeming quality, then how can she get a guy who also has that same redeeming quality and then some? A woman's value is not found in the sex she provides, but rather her character. Rationing sex will attract guys that are used to having sex rationed to them. Most definitely a woman shouldn't just give it up, but because she herself is valuable and worthwhile, not because she's holding her last bargaining chip.

  • Gabriel

    Hey Skooma… attraction isn't a choice. If she isn't attracted to you there's nothing you can do to convince her… on the other hand if she is attracted to you then there's nothing she can do about it to be convinced otherwise. Work on yourself to become an attractive guy, instead of trying to convince girls that you are one. And dude… cool, collected… enjoy the moment… who cares if she dragged you across town she gave you all that time and you used it to complain and berate her? Next time just be easygoing, keep her laughing and having a good time, and try to have one yourself.

  • susanawalsh

    I think Skooma is saying that he got dragged across town for nothing b/c she never showed. I agree that sucks, and is extremely rude of her, esp. when the date was her idea. He had every right to be upset with her and tell her so. I do think Gabriel has a point, though, about staying cool and collected in general. Women who go for the bad boys are never going to come around if the genuinely nice guys are embittered. Embittered is not sexy. I've learned writing this blog that many guys are just as frustrated as women are about the lack of quality relationships.

  • susanawalsh

    Gabriel, thanks for commenting, and welcome! I agree that sex is a mutual act, and that both parties bring something of value (at least potentially) to the table. However, I do believe that men and women are different, physiologically speaking. It's a fact that the majority of women enjoy and experience emotional bonding during sex. Many guys do too, but in general, women are more emotionally tied in during sex, i.e. the oxytocin thing. I am encouraging women to make sure they are getting what they want out of sex. Or to stop doing it until they figure that out. Because many young women have sex like a guy, and then bum out like a girl. (I bet I get flamed for that!)

    I do love what you say about a woman's value being found in her character. Amen to that, and ditto for guys.

  • Gabriel

    I couldn't agree more with women figuring out what they want from sex, etc… however that is much different from the post topic of actually withholding and rationing sex in order to boost the demand for relationships. Many guys grow disinterested after having had sex with a girl for the first time because her only allure was a sexual one. She was holding off on sex in order to keep the guy interested, which worked for a while since he wants what he can't have, etc… but once that allure is gone, then what? The truth is that men don't really have much to gain from relationships. In an era of divorce court and alimony, many guys, such as myself, just can't stand the thought of being kicked out of their own house if/when things don't work out. That's why independent, successful women are more highly valued as relationship-material today then the chaste, “wait to have sex” type of woman. Guys want a girl that IS hard to get, not one that PLAYS hard to get. Rationing sex is an attempt to manipulate a response out of a man… a quality woman elicits that response naturally through who she is. Manipulating the availability of sex is the female version of overcompensating, similar to how a man might buy a fancy sports car in order to compensate for lacking in other areas.

  • susanawalsh

    I only advocate withholding meaningless sex, and it's not to “catch” the guy, it's to ensure that when you do have sex, you will be comfortable with it afterwards. I also tell girls to BE hard to get, not PLAY hard to get. That's why I advocate taking the time to let more than a sexual attraction develop. Of course, all of this only applies to women who are interested in being in a relationship. If it's just about the booty, who cares. BTW, check out the post I wrote after this one – it continues the discussion and covers some of the ground you are discussing. “I Pissed Off a Gen Y Feminist”. Great comments, Gabriel, I appreciate your thoughtful critique. I don't want to send out the message that women should play with a guy to trick him. As you say, that will only work until the night you give in.

  • http://openyourhearttothelove.blogspot.com searchingwithin

    I don't want a virgin, which would be impossible at my age, however, a man that is constantly sleeping around, and bops from one woman to the next, is just as unattractive to me as the woman who does the same. He may be a stud in his buddies eyes, but he is a looser in mine.

  • susanawalsh

    Hey searching within! Thanks for commenting. I totally agree. I wish women would stop giving those guys any attention…it is NOT a compliment to be chosen for a hookup by a guy like that.

  • Decoybetty

    I think rom com's have totally changed my perception of dating. It's not that I expect guys to make some kind of list about the reasons they love me “I love the way I can smell your perfume after we spend the day together, I love the way you look at me when you think I am being crazy” (a la When Harry Met Sally) in reality. But there is the standard out there – if that makes sense. Everything I know about relationships, really, comes from these ridiculous movies. I find myself writing long monologues in my head about what I'd say to a guy I'm dating about different situations. How'd the editing would go, wardrobe, and occasionally directional advice. It's a bit crazy.

  • susanawalsh

    Well, you sound very visual, perhaps a career in film? It's true, I do think rom com's and chick lit novels serve as the prototype for happy endings. I love the movie You've Got Mail, but the whole premise of it is so far fetched that it's ridiculous. However, the fact that those movies keep getting written and made, and doing well at the box office proves that there are many women who are happy to drink that Kool Aid. For me the ultimate love story will always be Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Darcy played by Colin Firth, sigh.

  • http://FT.com/ VJ

    I'm slowly making my way thought the archives here. Getting more dismayed as I go too. Frustratingly, while I agree with your aims, your premises can be fairly silly. And plenty of people here have mentioned this.

    Let's start at the top again, : 'The first order of business is to reduce the supply of casual sex in the marketplace'.

    Please, Please for the love of everything holy, tell us where & when this was the case? It has Never been so! Casual sex has always been more or less available, it's never been 'missing' or 'absent' from our history! Try as we might to 'outlaw' it, it somehow always comes though. There will always be Humans who are tempted enough and love pleasure enough, however momentary, to risk even punishments like death for yes, a little 'strange' nookie on the side. However hurried, ugly, simple minded, low class this might have been!

    So there's really No effective Limitations on Casual Sex. Not really, and certainly not now in the modern era & in Western societies. And no one's going back. Not even the prudish Chinese, etc. Sharia law's a different story however!

    Be that as it may a 'luxury market strategy' is not a bad 'position' or proposition here. It's NOT about sex. It's about Character. Is this person someone you'd be willing to spend time with even Absent the sex? If so, you've got a genuine prospect on your hands! Sex might be the glue, but it's not the substance of anyone, hopefully. It's their intelligence, achievements, their caring, their humor, their unique world outlook. How they love & how loving they are OUT of the bedroom. All perhaps much more salient than mere sexual performance.

    But the trick is try telling that to a 20 something! All of them want the 'fast sports car' the 'performance' the big engines, the gleaming chrome & the Big numbers 'where they count'! They know what they want now, and they go out and 'get it'. What of character? Who speaks to that? For most? It's all about 'winning', the only thing there is. Character w/o 'riches' or bling & status is nothing to many. Blame the media culture for that. Then blame society.

    No Both sexes want pleasures, and both pursue them with equal fervor, just as you did way back when. Why should we expect any less from today's young? Casual Sex is not the problem. Casual lives may be. And again, that takes many many years to work out for some folks. They have to come to some sort of conclusion about what it is that they want out of life & possible future partners. For many of this generation? It takes until they're 30 something to 'sober up'. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

  • susanawalsh

    Women and men have never pursued sex in the same way, or with the same goals. In the past, men were required to woo or court a woman to obtain sex. One hundred years ago, he couldn't even take her for a walk without a chaperone! Spending time alone with a woman was scandalous unless one was engaged. Today, men are required to do absolutely nothing in exchange for sex. For the woman who is looking for a casual sex experience, it's all good. Nothing ventured, nothing lost. Hooking Up Smart is a blog for people who are interested in forming real attachments. The hookup culture offers little for them. Once a woman starts having expectations of a man, he's usually moves on. Next!

  • http://FT.com/ VJ

    “Women and men have never pursued sex in the same way, or with the same goals.”

    True enough. But again, there's Always been fairly easy access to 'casual sex', with someone, somebody or something! Reducing the amount of 'casual sex in the marketplace' could not happen in the most strictest, punitive patriarchies of the Middle Ages, how might we be able to do so today?

    And again, this is still living in the here & now. Again while I share many of your prejudices & while the aims might be wholly laudable, the approach here can be perhaps unintentionally appallingly silly in the context of today.

    'Stimulating demand in a recessionary environment' mans vastly different things for a product I'm marketing. I can remake the packaging, make the product Smaller or make the packaging Larger to include More product. I can place the product in more venues & stores, 1000's vs 100's say. I can Reformulate the product, and introduce it again as the 'new version'. Only some of this I'd ever be able to do with a mere human! As 'products' many humans don't have much to recommend themselves. As potential partners, spouses, BF/GF? Perhaps a bit more.

    So Yes to 'reasonableness', and if this means you move slower than the rest of the crowd, that's fine too. That's limiting certain access to YOU not the 'marketplace'. YOU are not the Marketplace. Not here. Perhaps again on the job, but really in the realm of love & relationships? Mostly a hindrance and more than confusing to everyone. If you're marketing what you've got? You're in a different business. Really. And it's mostly just business! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

  • http://FT.com/ VJ

    Some corrections here for the above:
    This should now read:

    “Stimulating demand in a recessionary environment' means vastly different things for a product I'm marketing”.

    And : “If you're mass marketing what you've got? You're in a different business. Really. And it's mostly just business!”

    (And yes, I think it's an entirely different mindset to 'putting on some make-up' & 'freshening up' for a date). Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

  • Vigrx plus

    one of good blog…with nice post
    thanks

  • susanawalsh

    Thanks so much for coming by and leaving a comment! Visit again soon.

  • Anonymous

    Susan
    I read this blog along with others because it reminds me of the uncomfortable reality that i know to be true in regards to dating and relationships and also validates my choice to leave the game completely.
    No one wins this game, certainly not men.
    I have been manipulated so much, by so many women, for so many different reasons, there is no way i will ever believe or trust any woman that isn’t family.
    Stop manipulating men.  Manipulating men for your own purposes is what caused this problem.   If you keep finding new and different ways to manipulate men, then all men will grow ever more wary of women and relationships.  (as if it ware actually possible) try being honest with any human, even once, it would help.  Stop making guys jump through hoops, “shit tests” which is how you keep anyone with self-respect at a nice safe distance.  stop acting bored.  stop being bitchy.
     

     

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Anonymous
      Thanks for leaving a comment. I agree with you – how wonderful it would be if we could stop manipulating one another and just be honest and put it out there. I’m sorry that you have had experiences that will never allow you to trust any woman outside your family, but I understand what you mean. FWIW, I do encourage women who don’t want casual hookups to stop pretending they do. For many it means sitting on the sidelines in college, then looking for guys who are done messing around. It seems as if the honest people have to be the most patient.

  • http://www.penisbot.com PenisBot

    I read these articles and I find them somewhat troubling. First off, women witholding sex is one of the major problems ” and source of discontent ” for men in relationships. Why be in a relationship if everytime you do something your spouse is acting like a manipulative whore angling to gain something by witholding or granting sex. There is no incentive to stay in the relationship if women are using sex as a tool of control. The footing is not equal and espousing this as a successful ideaology certainly is not helping in anyway.

    Lets forward some better premises.

    1. the context of sexual relationships. All relationship have one end goal, delivery of sperm to a female for reproduction, recipet of sperm in exchange for acess to resource,genes etc. The en result of all relationships is in fact sex. No other directives exists for the species. Propgate and spawn the next generation. Thats pretty much it.

    2. Abuguity in adult sexual relationships is the norm. Why get married/relationship if your wife/partner is going to use sex as a bargining tool in a commited relationship. The number one cuase of marital disputes is the women feels like she isn’t getting enough in terms of resources and the men has no incentive to deliver more becuase sex is sparse/mediocre.

    3. Dishonesty abut sexual enjoyment and prefrences. It would be better to plaster on a badge on your shirt what types of sex you enjoy, vaginal,oral,anal,foreplay etc.Why do we rigidly enforce manogomy ? What if certain partners are OK with not being manogmous ? Why is this taboo ? If 2 adults consent then what bussiness is it of societys to interject its opinion.

    So it really comes down to honesty about sexuality thats the underlying problem with modern relationships. You should not be with someone who has different sexual desires and types of enjoyment. Personalitys as important as well but being honest about who you are and what you want is vastly more important and would lead to more overall healthy relationships.

    The problems you surmise are ones not based in any reality I have observed in my 35 years of life and my 15 years og marriage.

    The biggest problem men have is that they are often to be made feel like a meal ticket. I am not your Meal Ticket. If you can’t feed yourself, thats not my problem.

    Just like needing to feel special ? WTF is that about ? You don;t need to feel special, you just need to meet the expectations of your partner and your partner needs to meet your expectations. Beyond that everything is bullshit.

    So in the end, the problem is rarely the sex, its often the negotiation and the flat out dishonesty on the parts of men and women that is cuasing most of the trouble.

  • venus

    Honestly you might be right to an EXTENT. And that word is important here. You would be suprised about the kind of joy that can be found with a guy you are attracted to… Why is it so wrong to just enjoy this for what it is ? Why is it so bad and impossible to accept how you feel and not be afraid to let go ? For what it is ? That is release. The next day you might wake up and realize you aren’t made to match but so what ? The thing about hooking up is you’ve got to take each moment as it comes, say no when you aren’t feeling it, and be able to let go when you do… Its hard but who says you have to love evryone you fuck ? As long as it is mutual, it is a connected experience and full of respect, and giving each other what u need, what u can’t get from anyone who does love you, does this not serve an important need ? I get that hooking up can be risky emotionally but a lot of it comes down to being open with yourself about the reality of an attraction you can really share, ex: lifestyles, friends, money, anything! A lot of things stop people from loving another person, a lot of things stop people from giving in. If we have to live most of our lives starved for real love, can’t we just give in every once in awhile ? What we need to do is create a world where men are offering the kind of sex a woman needs to feel like a woman, so a man can feel like a man. This is best acheived with love obviously, but I believe it can be replicated to satisfying degrees in the form of a hookup where the man actually understands that the woman is sexually needing, which I think 90 percent of women are, we just can’t find what we need in even just sex, let alone love.

  • http://twitter.com/susanfsu Susan Su

    Susan, just found your incredible post and analysis. It quite reminds me of one of my favorite marketing books, The Luxury Strategy, by Jean-Noel Kapferer and Vincent Bastien.

    A few of my favorite takeaways from that text, which apply to building anything to last (relationships, businesses):

    1. Luxury has always existed.

    Luxury is an enduring mechanism for social stratification. It helps social animals like humans signal if they belong to the ‘haves’ or the ‘have nots,’ and then determine the correct behavior accordingly. We need luxury! The growth of mass market (ie, easy sex in the relationship world or Walmarts in the business world) doesn’t obsolete the very human need for a high-end to contrast against the low-end.

    2. The growth of mass market can actually *help* luxury brands.

    Enduring luxury brands (read: relationships) never engage in price wars. If they do, they instantly dissipate the un-quantifiable aesthetic value of their brand, and are suddenly merely selling ordinary products to price-sensitive consumers. This is like relationships – women that want relationships cannot market themselves like mass market hookup goods.

    Anyway, I could go on forever, but this is great stuff! Thank you :)

    Susan

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Susan Su

      Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment! This is a pretty old post, I haven’t thought of luxury in a while. I’m definitely going to read that book!

  • http://Earlster@me.com Dumb Man.

    Is there a difference between love & sex. Love is defined scientifically as a Generalized Secondary Positive Reinforcement. (A habit an addiction). Therefore by withholding sex to create more market place demand means that consequences are the guy marry you for a desire for sex. However, this means the guy does not love you, but just desires sex. The whole reason for marriage is sex not love. Isn’t this a wrong reason to base marriage on because what happens when you get old & lose looks, a woman that gives better sex comes along, or the guy isn’t getting sex in marriage. If Marriage is based on love then it will transcend all if the above. It depends on what you want. If people get married for wrong reasons
    & divorce occurs, that means the kids will not be Religious and/or have values. Divorced children are the largest number of atheists, divorce is bad for Religion, and accounts for large numbers of people leaving the church. Give a man good reasons for getting married

  • http://earlster@aol.com Dumb Guy

    Love ” Defined as a Generaluzed Positive Secondary Reinforcement. Pavlov & his dog. Pavlo fed his dog & gave food at same time. After awhile with repetive and non-predictable exposures, the Dog developed feelings for the Bell separate from the food. Pablo got same results from Bell as he did food. Sex is a stimulus just like the food. Therefore, to get a guy “ADDICTED” to you just like to drugs ” ADDICTED TO LOVE”, you need to give the guy unpredictable sex, repetively, over a period of time. Your control over a guy depends on doing this correctly. Eventually, the guy has feelings for you separate from the sex. He has withdrawal symptoms, if denied, and all the other symptoms as addiction to Crack Cocaine or any other addictive substance. If love (ADDICTION), is going to occur before marriage (to get him to get married), then you need to have sex with guy before you get married. However, if you can’t get repetitive, unpredictable sex over a period of time, it won’t work. YOU COULD GET HIM ADDICTED AFTER MARRIAGE, and use market place sex to create demand for marriage, but marriage will not be based on Love (addiction).
    (Same thing). THERE WILL BE NO LOVE GOING ON IN YOUR MARRIAGE, OR BEFORE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP, just marketplace value for sex. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOUR HUSBAND AFTER MARRIAGE INCREASES HIS MARKET PLACE VALUE, MAKING MORE MONEY, GOING TO GYM, A DECLINE IN WOMAN’S VALUE IN THE MARKET PLACE, WILL HE NOT TRADE UP TO A YOUNGER MORE SEXY MODEL?? This is the chance you take basing your Marriage/Relationship on Market Place Value. If he is in Love, (addicted) to you he is not going to leave you. His feeling for you is separate (like the bell) for you than sex, or market place value. GUYS ARE SMART, they know this & that is the reason they do the things they do in DATING. Guys don’t want to get married because they know it is going to cost them MONEY, (more on this later) so they do not want to get ADDICTED TO YOU (LOVE YOU), EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED WITH YOU, all the same thing. How do they advoid this???? 1). Having more than one girlfriend at a time (they don’t particularly want more than one girl at a time, it is so you don’t get “your hooks into him”). 2) They have hook ups, pump & dump, short term relationships (they don’t particularly want any of this). EVERYTHING THEY DO IS TO PREVENT YOU FROM HAVING REPETITIVE, UNPREDICTABLE SEX WITH THEM OVER A PERIOD IF TIME not get addicted to you, let you get your “hooks into them”. WHY DO THEY NOT NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED. They want to finish college first, start a business, follow their dream first, travel, they don’t want to lose their money, 18 to 25 years of child support, pay alimony, they listen to their unhappy married friends (text them), They come from a home that had a single, divorced Mothet & want no part of it.
    The guy also looses half his assets, & is emotionally & financially destroyed in Marriage.
    If you want to be married STOP DIVORCING YOUR MEN. 70% of all dIvorces are done by women, who say they are unhappy in Marriage after getting Married. 80% of marriages end in divorce in Southetn California. Men say there is no benefit to getting Married anymore. Give men a benifit, a reason to get married. NO DIVORCE,
    if he is working, you should cook, it’s not being a slave IT’S DOING YOUR SHARE,. Take Care, & good luck. A DUMB GUYS PERSPECTIVR