” I worked with Freud in Vienna. We broke over the concept of penis envy. He thought it should be limited to women. “
Woody Allen, Zelig
I have penis envy. And I’m not ashamed. I think Freud was right about that. If I had a penis I would shoot it like a gun. That would be my plan. The Frisky had a hilarious post about this a while back, asking people to comment on what they would do if they had a penis for a day, and my absolute favorite was a woman who said she would spend the day “slapping it on counters and stuff” and “poking it in holes.” That’s priceless.
As part of my penis fascination, I have always wondered just how different sex feels to guys with or without a condom. Someone once told me it’s like trying to pick up a dime with latex gloves on, but I don’t buy that. Please, that’s ridiculous. I mean, condoms are so thin, how much difference could it possibly make? Today I stumbled across a He Said/She Said at College Candy that is all about who is in charge of birth control, and it was pretty interesting. But what I found really captivating was the following excerpt about how guys feel about condoms:
Wayyyyyyyyyy different? That’s ten y’s! So there you have it. Now, having said that, until you know that penis is squeaky clean, you are not to offer the wayyyyyyyyyy better sex. Randos require the condom every single time. And if you’re getting into the habit with a particular penis, tell that penis to go get tested. Once you know it’s wayyyyyyyyyy healthy, you can make his day. OK? Promise me.