Please Disappoint Me With Integrity
Symbol of Integrity and Beauty
The Art of Manliness has a great post today: Living a Life of Integrity. It’s written for men, obvs, but very much applies to all of us and the way we treat one another. Here’s an excerpt relevant to relationships:
Integrity in Your Romantic Relationships
- Be an open book. Don’t keep secrets from your significant other. Even if the secrets don’t affect her, if she finds out you’ve been keeping stuff from her, it will erode the trust between you.
- Avoid emotional cheating. Having integrity in regards to physical cheating is a given. Harder is avoiding emotional cheating, a straying that seems more innocuous at first, but easily leads to the corporeal variety. If you find yourself sharing more of your thoughts and feelings with a female friend or co-worker than you do with your wife, it’s time to take a big step back.
- End a relationship when you know it’s over. If you’re dating someone and have reached the point where you know you two don’t have a future together, don’t keep dragging her along because you’re afraid to end things. Break up with her like a man.
Integrity with your Friendships
- Keep your promises. Always, always follow-through with the things you have said you will do. A man’s word is his bond. If you tell your friend that you’ll hang out with him, and then the girl you like invites you over-too bad. You already made other plans.
- Don’t talk smack about other people. Saying something behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face shows a distinct lack of integrity.
- Be the vault. When friend trusts you with confidential information, lock those secrets away. Nothing erodes a friendship faster then a breach of trust in the secret department.
One reader left a comment saying:
“If you tell your friend that you’ll hang out with him, and then the girl you like invites you over-too bad. You already made other plans.”
Not only is that the right thing to do, it will also make her like you more…so it’s really a win-win situation
I couldn’t agree more. If a guy says, “I have other plans, but I’ll blow them off,” you are flattered. But in your heart you know that’s kind of a dick move. And you know he’ll do it to you at some point. I remember being turned down by one guy because he had promised to spend time with his mom. I fell for him right then and there!
Look for signs of integrity in the people you spend time with. And do unto others……because having integrity is the opposite of being a douchebag. Can you think of a time when you liked someone more because they disappointed you with integrity?
Related posts:
The guy I am currently crushing on is kind of a flake, which i kind of find endearing because that's so not who i am. But he set up a date and then cancelled the day before because he realised that he double booked and had to go to his grandmother's house. Despite being tragically disappointed (due to my smittenness), I thought it was adorable – he had to visit Nanna!
Awww, that is sweet. And it’s clear that it made you want him even more! Smart guys who read this post and comments will start talking all over the place about spending time with moms, Nannas and little sisters. It's irresistible.
ok…i recently had a guy turn down an invitation to hang out atmy place because he was going to be with the lads. It did kind of make me feel he wasn't that into me…
Well, the lads aren't exactly mom, you know what I mean? Still, if he had already made a plan with them, that's legit. The question is, was he eager to make another plan to see you? Obviously, if a guy is interested but can't make it, he'll make an alternative suggestion soon.
ok…i recently had a guy turn down an invitation to hang out atmy place because he was going to be with the lads. It did kind of make me feel he wasn't that into me…
Well, the lads aren't exactly mom, you know what I mean? Still, if he had already made a plan with them, that's legit. The question is, was he eager to make another plan to see you? Obviously, if a guy is interested but can't make it, he'll make an alternative suggestion soon.