Worst Date Ever? Cough It Up!
OMG, it’s 10 a.m. and I’m sitting in bed, still in my PJs, laughing my ass off. Ah, the life of a blogger! (Of course, the pay’s not great, haha.) At Divine Caroline there’s a hilarious “chit chat” on the subject of terrible dates. Here’s my worst date ever, see if you can top it:
A guy I knew slightly asked me to accompany him to his aunt and uncle’s house for a Christmas Eve celebration. I thought it was odd, we hadn’t been dating or anything, but everyone knew he had been abandoned by his parents so I felt obligated to try and make this family event special for him. Joe had a reputation for being a jerk to his dates, but I figured my risk was limited due to the nature of the occasion.
The afternoon was terrible; boring and weird. After watching him eat a snack of ketchup on white bread, I began to get restless to go home to my own family, who were 20 miles away (and eating much better food). Shortly after that, he left the room. When he didn’t return after about half an hour, I asked his aunt to check on him. She came back a few minutes later to announce that he had gone. Gone! Taken the car and left me there with his weird family! I had to call my dad to come fetch me. Waiting for him to arrive was painful, sitting awkwardly in that living room with Joe’s aunt and uncle, declining their offer of more weird snacks. I never found out where Joe went that Christmas Eve, but that was the last time I ever went on a pity date!
And now for some goodies from the Divine Caroline chat:
- “I was talking to a guy I’d just met and he asked me “So, did you used to be hot?” :-[ “
- “The worst thing a date has ever said to me was ‘I’d like to fuck you ’til your nose bleeds’.”
- “I had a guy sort of propose to me by saying that neither of us were beauty queens but maybe we would make a good match.”
- “Every conversation we had, he worked The Price is Right into it somehow.”
- “We were sitting at the bar just chatting away and suddenly, he reaches behind my neck, tucks in my tag and says, “I don’t think you want everyone knowing you are a ‘Large.’” To which I gestured to my chest and said, “When you have boobs this fabulous, sometimes a ‘Medium’ is just too tight.”
- “I had a guy ask me if I had any STDs. That was lovely. Once I assured him that I didn’t, he said ‘OK, cool, so what are you doing next Friday?’”
And on a related note, here is a painfully funny video of a real piece of work trying to get his girlfriend back. Oh man, you thought you went out with some losers?
Cough it up, girls! Let’s hear your worst date stories. Because we all know that misery loves company!
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I had one guy say to me “Wow, your picture must have been blurry.” I wasn't sure if that was a dig or a compliment. And then he spent the whole time we were together talking about Star Trek….need I say more???
No, you need not! Sounds like he was seriously lacking in social skills.
I've never really been on a horrible date, but weird things tend to happen like the first date I ever went on – i was like 20, totally naive – We went to the movies. I was SICK. snot everywhere. foxy. but I really liked the guy. He was Australian, and I was wooed. The movie ended early and I lived right next to theatre so i asked him to come up – never once considering that he would think that was sex invitation (whoops!).so we enter my apartment and I take off my shoes and sit in a chair and he asked me what i studied in highschool and I told him I had gone equine massage school – and he was all give me a massage and then took off his jacket. Seemed a bit intimate but whatever I told him to sit in front of me. And he took off his sweater. And then his long sleeve shirt…and then his tank top…I was like “dude, what are you doing? what kind of back rub do you think you're getting here?” and he looked at me and said “but you took off your shoes”
obviously – the removal of footwear equates to the removal of EVERYTHING.
OMG that is great! Wow, talk about mixing up the signals. Did you continue to see him, or did that totally disqualify him?
First of all… How can Janice resist this man? I mean come on…. He loves and misses her.
I think one of the worst dates I went on was kind of a pity date. It was a match.com date and I was feeling like match was going nowhere fast for me so I said yes to this guy who didn't have a picture. Ok so you are all thinking he was totally ugly, but that wasn't actually true. He was just foreign and strange. He was from Morocco or something like that and at first I thought maybe that would be cool. I was wrong. He first told me he was surprised I was smart and then went onto tell me all the Ivy league schools he attended. I told him I only had 45 minutes for the date. He called me the next day to tell me to come meet him and his friend at the Beer Garden.
Surprised you were smart? Oh, brother. Did he then tell you he would have to stone you to death if you were ever unfaithful to him? When I was at B-school, the Indian guys would always come to parties and ask me if I wanted to go have sex. I would say, um, no. They explained that they were bound to follow their parents wishes and have arranged marriages when they returned home, so they were trying to be with crazy American girls while they had the chance. Sometimes, cultural differences are a deal breaker….
I can't seem to recall any. They must have been too painful. Ohhhhhhhhhh. Yeah. I invited this guy (nice guy, I'm sure) that I had been on two dates with to this movie premiere. It was an informal sort of invitation, not an actual date. He was into comic books and the movie was about comic books and everyone there was into comic books so I thought he would fit in. But I guess he thought it was an actual date. Anyways, he clung to me the whole time and followed me around and didn't even attempt to make conversation with anyone else. He was like this little lost puppy. Not only that this guy that I had a huge crush on was there and he had invited his (oh so recently ex) girlfriend. I ended up talking to her for forever about something while the puppy just stood there gazing at me.
That sounds like a pity date! He sounds pitiful, at any rate. I hope you didn't end the evening with pity sex.
That sounds like a pity date! He sounds pitiful, at any rate. I hope you didn't end the evening with pity sex.