Find a Discarded Grocery List, Laugh Your Head Off
I love making lists. I even make lists of my lists. I have lists of list-making software, and I write on my To Do list that I need to learn how to work all my online To Do lists. It’s a little neurotic, I know. I have a touch of OCD – in a good way! Anyway, other people’s lists fascinate me, so today I researched some. Here are some grocery lists from FoundMagazine.com. If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s a site where people send in stuff they happen to find while they are out and about. I just loved these lists. Each one of them would be a great idea for a short story.
Back to the Old Ways
I really want to meet this woman! I mean, we might be twins separated at birth. I can really, really relate to this list!
Here’s what my typical list for Whole Foods looks like:
lentils, swiss chard, salmon, edamame, Kashi cereal, skim milk, colon cleanse
Here’s what’s in my bags when I leave the store:
guacamole, tortilla strips, camembert, brie, st. andre, Tuscan olive oil crackers, marcona almonds, fig spread, skirt steak, berry scones, sourdough bread, milk chocolate
A "Different" Grocery List
My earnest hope here is that this list contains items for more than one project. If it’s just about sex, then this person is a real Do It Yourselfer.
I can potentially picture sex with:
creamed corn
cranberry sauce
Glad Cling Wrap (homemade dental dam!)
The shower curtain and garbage bags worry me, though. Like maybe things might get a little violent? Yikes. Did you ever see Hitchcock’s Rear Window?
Buy Shit Tonite
The ever hopeful Ben goes shopping. I give him a lot of credit for including fresh vegetables.
Butthole Bleaching?
Why would any girl in her right mind want to make her butthole MORE attractive?
Most of the women I know are feeling like they need to reintroduce the vagina. They are not looking for compliments on the milky white color of their anus! She’s better off spending the money on a case or two of lube.
Male Film School Student
I love this Single Artsy Sound Guy list! But I don’t think his mother would be pleased.
Unfortuntely, unlike Ben, this fellow doesn’t prioritize his 5 daily servings of fruits and vegetables.
I’ll give him half a point for Tater Tots, but I have to take it back because he also wants hash browns. It’s all meat and starch!
The perogies are kinda sweet, I like to think he’s feeling wistful about his old Polish grandma.
Yup, looks like this should hold him for at least a week. Good times!
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Ok amazing… I thought the first list said Frozen Healthy Slut… I was trying to figure out what a frozen healthy slut was. Then I realized it said frozen healthy shit.
You're right, it does look like that! OK, Frozen Healthy Slut. I like it. It's a woman who cannot be made to feel insignificant. She is hard as ice. But not emotionally limited – she is loving, but she is choosy about who she gives it to. She loves sex, and she's not ashamed of it! Yeah, let's hear it for the Frozen Healthy Slut! As for frozen healthy shit, well, that's a lot less interesting.
I am with you Susan, lists are good. Very very very very good.
Do you think the flowers were doodles while she tried to remember things on her list…*doodles flower* “leg wax…no scratch that, got that done yesterday…but I feel my anus could be whiter…” *doodles flower*
me too. i was so confused!
I don't even know what color my anus is in the first place. I'm unwilling to white a thing that brown comes out of anyways.
Haha, I thought the doodles were funny too. Did you notice she's an enthusiastic user of the exclamation point? Study! Smile! Be joyful! IDK, the juxtaposition of being joyful and having one's butthole bleached is just a little much for me.
LMAO! Singlutionary, you are so right and cut to the heart of the matter, as always. BTW, I plan to start keeping my eyes open for lists on the ground. Finding a great one and getting Found Magazine to put it up is a new life goal.
Haha, I thought the doodles were funny too. Did you notice she's an enthusiastic user of the exclamation point? Study! Smile! Be joyful! IDK, the juxtaposition of being joyful and having one's butthole bleached is just a little much for me.
LMAO! Singlutionary, you are so right and cut to the heart of the matter, as always. BTW, I plan to start keeping my eyes open for lists on the ground. Finding a great one and getting Found Magazine to put it up is a new life goal.