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What Straight Men Can Learn From Gay Porn

 

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I propose that straight men try watching gay porn for a change, so they can learn what women want.

 

What, you don’t find that intuitively obvious? It actually makes perfect sense. I can explain. Research shows that online porn is the single largest source of sexual information for young men. They watch it alone, and they also watch it in groups with other guys as a bonding activity.

(What does a room full of straight guys do when they all have boners at 3pm? Just wondering.)

Recently I was researching an article about the role of porn as an influence on sexual behavior. After consulting the academic literature, I hung out on both straight and gay male porn sites for…well, for a while.

(It’s amazing how a whole day can just fly by when you’re enjoying your work!)

What I found on straight porn sites was pretty much what I expected, but I was astounded by what I saw in gay porn. Especially amazing was the contrast between the two.  As a straight woman, I found the straight porn repulsive. It was unbearably phony and mechanical. It was also very demeaning to women in many cases. But the gay porn? It was arousing. I hadn’t expected that!

(I figured it had to be the higher penis to vagina ratio, i.e. infinite.)

I decided to spend more time, um, trying to figure it out.

(Whoa! There went Tuesday!)

 Why does it matter what kind of porn guys watch? Because currently, straight guys get a lot of their technique from straight porn.

 (And that is not a good thing.)

Shouldn’t they just watch whatever gets them off? Yes, first they should watch whatever gets them off. Then they should switch over to gay porn to see what gets women off. Gay porn is definitely hotter, even to a straight woman, than straight porn. But why?

 

  • KISSING

Kissing during sex is normal. And nice. Gay men kiss during sex. Straight porn has eliminated kissing almost entirely. Occasionally you’ll see the “porn kiss,” which is a reptilian touching of tongues with no lips. There seems to be an unspoken agreement between women and men to connect at the genitals, but never the face.

 

  • PASSION

The gay pornos are generally more passionate. There are more videos that appear to be amateur, or maybe the gay guys are just much better actors. Actually, the gay guys are undoubtedly much better actors, but still, passion is rarely evident in straight porn. It’s all about the guy.

 

  • CARESSING

The O is gonna be a hell of a lot better if there is some real touching and foreplay first. Gay men touch each other’s torsos and breasts quite a bit. Very few breasts get touched in straight flicks. They seem irrelevant. Just think of all the money wasted on those implants!

 

  • VOCAL EXPRESSION

The gay men make completely normal and natural sounds, for the most part. A slight vocalization when something feels just right, a soft moan, is soooo much more interesting than a vocal freak show. Normal women do not squawk like seagulls during intercourse. Normal men don’t grunt “FUCK YEAH!” in a scary voice every time they come. The “dialog” in straight porn is ridiculous and embarrassing.

 

  • ROLE EQUITY

The notion of gay men being either Pitcher or Catcher is a myth, at least in porn. They tend to take turns, or reciprocate. There is equality between the partners. In straight porn, the guy is usually some creepy character who is bossy and demeaning. The women usually play the role of a submissive, sex-starved character who wants nothing more than to please this stranger.

 

  • EJACULATION NONSENSE

The face ejaculation is the straight porn flick money shot. The woman is usually pretending she desperately wants it, often using baby talk to beg for it. You see it in gay porn, but not that much. Gay men ejaculate wherever, as long as the camera can see it. It looks pleasurable for both parties.

 

From a woman’s perspective, guys are not going to learn anything useful from straight porn. In fact, the notion is downright frightening. If only we could find a way to tactfully suggest a walk on the wild side!

I’m not naïve enough to think there will be many guys who will take this advice. In fact, I’m sure most guys would find the idea too threatening and alien. And that makes sense. Because straight men are from Mars, but women and gay men are from Venus.

 

One Pingback/Trackback

  • http://conb1977.blogspot.com Constance

    That is sooo deep. Now how can we get this article out there to all the men in the united states. btw, I so love gay sex scenes. I know what i'm watching tonight on Netflix.

  • susanawalsh

    Haha, Constance, way to go. Thanks for commenting! It's interesting, now straight women all over the place are telling me they like gay porn. Who knew?

  • Scott Boyer

    Hi Susan,
    I fell on this blog today and I have to point out something that you may not have considered about hetero porn.

    Why don't they kiss?
    You should consult the typical woman's favorite movie “Pretty Woman”.
    To paraphrase Julia Roberts, “Kissing is too intimate to do with her clients.”

    Could it be possible that the women who are 'acting' in porn movies consider kissing too intimate for them for them to share onscreen as well?

    The title of your blog implies that men could learn a few things, because men are deficient in areas regarding sex.
    Perhaps… but if kissing and passion are the standards by which you judge your porn, I suggest you look in your own house (so to speak).
    First, I've perused a few of your blogs and your philosophy seems to be that in order for women to be happy that they should subscribe to the laws of supply and demand, and should restrict their sexual supply so that their personal demand increases, and males will fall in line.
    And you're right, in a way, even in the porn world. The porn actress is the one that's in demand, and she has certain controls over what she will and will not do. I'm sure kissing is one of those areas. And in order to get the money shot, I'm certain producers and actors are more than willing to sacrifice the intimacy in order to get the goods.

    Am I saying it's strictly the cause of the woman?
    No.
    But I am saying that you took some pains to point out that men could learn something but failed to look at some other points of causation.

    As far as the passion and the noises…. does it really need to be pointed out that these girls are not really hired for their acting skills?

    I do, however, agree with you that role equity, and the ejaculation thing in straight porn is pretty stupid.

    What we're forgetting though is that for what it's worth, it's still just a movie. A story, even porn, has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And the ending has to have a clear ending. Unfortunately, porn producers have not invented a way to show a satisfying ending without showing the ejaculation.

    I'm curious if you've watched any porn produced by women and if you found that any more satisfying. I just did a search on 'porn produced by women, for women” and found scant few that will show even a sample of their wares without first paying for it. (Interesting that the woman produced porn is well commoditized and strictly controlled).

  • susanawalsh

    Hi Scott, thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. Let me respond with a few different points here:

    You're right – porn kisses are a way of avoiding intimacy, just like in Pretty Woman. What interested me, though, was the real kissing in gay porn. The gay porn seems genuinely more affectionate, and that's more of a turnon for women.

    I am not opposed to women and men engaging in casual sex. I do believe that if women want a relationship, they need to be strategic about what they do, when, and with whom. Research shows that men view women as either casual sex partners or potential relationship partners. A woman who wants a relationship shoots herself in the foot if she allows herself to be put in the casual sex box.

    As for porn made by women, and for women, I confess I haven't seen it. It stands to reason that it would be more stimulating for women to watch than the porn made for men. My point in the post, though, was that gay porn is more stimulating for women than straight porn, as bizarre as that sounds.

  • Jonathan Sanders

    Hey Susan,

    I stumbled on this blog after I was just discovering that more and more women are confessing to enjoying gay porn, which I thought was fascinating. I'm a 25 year old gay man and guess what, Sue? I tend to gravitate towards straight porn. Lol. I know.

    I agree with you that women are sometimes unnecessarily OVERLY objectified when it comes to straight porn, but what I find arousing is that men, and I'm cringing while typing this, are more passionate in straight porn. That aggressive nature is something that the normal, run-of-the-mil gay adult film lacks. Of course there are always different genres in the adult film industry, but with straight porn, the assertive male scenario is standard and common while the softer romantic films are the minority. Conversely, gay porn tends to focus on sensual elements as it's standard with the assertive male films being the minority.

    I never fully understood why the majority of gay adult films focused on the romance, because although gay men may understand and connect with women better, we are still men. And men like to be in control. -Jon

  • susanawalsh

    Hey, Jon, thanks so much for leaving a comment! Haha, I think it's hilarious that you prefer straight porn. I definitely think gay porn is way hotter! You make a very interesting point about passion though – I love it when the gay men are kind of kissy and lovey dovey with each other. And I loathe the straight men who seem unfeeling and rough. This is definitely something the adult film producers would do well to think about – at the very least, they should expand the repertoire a bit.

    I share your puzzlement re the romance in gay films. I thought it might be because gay men may now propose and engage in traditional romantic rites not previously available to them. I have noticed that a lot of the gay porn actors are muscular and buff – one does not get a sense of them as effeminate, which makes them more appealing to straight women. Go figure!

  • looker

    Here's what's wrong with straight porn:
    1) The girls look at the camera too much. (They don't do that in gay porn.) This is very distracting. The girls attention should be on her partner, not on the voyeur.
    2) When girls do solo pix, they can't keep their hands off their vaginas. It is more sensuous to see a vagina just "lying there" than it is to see one pulled apart.

    • Bee

      1) They're told to look at the camera, because they're catering to mens fantasies and as men are supposedly jacking off fantasizing being the person using her body, they're told that men want to be looked at to support the fantasy. Whether that works or not, I don't know.

      2) Write letters to the producers, because they're telling their models otherwise. =P

  • Bee

    Interesting… what could also be helpful to straight men is simply opening up a dialogue… maybe this is me being naiive, but I just have trouble seeing any large numbers of young men being that mechanically inclined after seeing a few bad examples of "fucking." Yes, I know, the popular opinion is that men are all pigs now and seek only their own carnal satisfactions, but I'm just not on that page: it takes a hell of a rude person to be that actually inconsiderate in the bedroom, for either gender. I find that, more often than not, it's women objectifying themselves and encouraging that to emulate what they see in porn to become more "desireable" because we're told to find a way to or we're worthless. That, that is a fact, and I have fought that for the entirety of my 21 years to the point where it's not men being pigs that have driven me to dislike the idea of dating, it's my own gender being disgusting to ourselves. Lets just suggest people "smarten up" and learn stuff hands-on, and teach them to be safe about it instead of letting them learn from whatever they can get their hands on…

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Bee, welcome, and thanks for leaving a comment. You are very wise for 21 years old! I agree with you – the vast majority of men, whether gay or straight, want to please their lovers. And women may be catering to male fantasies instead of being truthful about what they like. We could use a lot more honest communication in bed. I think the problem arises when guys are coming of age, still quite young and perhaps inexperienced, and are using porn as a form of instruction. Then they're going to be misinformed.

  • Erin

    I’m a young woman who loves gay porn, but I feel that there aren’t enough places on the internet for women to express their interest in gay porn and share it with other women. So I’ve started a blog about gay porn for women http://girlslovegayporn.blogspot.com/ I hope my blog can serve for women to communally enjoy gay porn.

  • David

    Okay, first off I’d like to point out that I only read half of the posts in here. Mostly because I read pretty much the same kind of posts over and over in a different way from a different guy. Men like the dominance/alpha male role in porn. What I did not see though was men that actually understood exactly what Susan was saying or what I understood she was saying. Overall, she was saying that men can learn a few things from gay porn when it comes to pleasing women as appose to straight porn that focuses on pleasing the man and getting them to cum. which there is nothing wrong with that, but guys don’t you think your woman would enjoy it more if you pleased her as well instead of just getting off yourself and thinking that she’s satisfied too?
    I’m a 21 year old guy and from my experience, girls tend to like it more if their men could share a passionate side too when it comes to having sex. (and I agree there are more gay porns that involve real passionate sex.) I mean, yes they enjoy the rough side of it, but then there’s the bonding side in which two would become one and they can experience an orgasm on/around the same level and the same time.
    I know that my girlfriend enjoys it a lot more if I slide my fingers across her body, or kiss her lips as well as kissing her body. That is displayed more in gay porn (with men/men and women/women)then it’s even glimpsed in straight porn. I actually like lesbian porn because of that passionate side, but then again the rough straight to the point porn is fun to watch too. My girlfriend and i talked about it and she enjoys gay porn more then she enjoys straight porn, not because she likes women but because there’s that passion. And a lot of the girls I’ve encountered have expressed the same likes and dislikes.
    A guy eating a girl out gets boring and it’s not the same as a girl eating a girl out and I guess you’d have to watch the movies to get what i mean. When a girl eats another girl out, their body moves differently then when a guy eats a girl out. Regardless of the passion in that, I personally was more interested in what got a girl off. i already know how to get myself off and most women already know how to get a guy off, but it’s way more exciting to get a girl off then to have her pretend. Trust me, you would be able to tell the difference.
    I’m not trying to get guys to watch gay porn over straight porn, but if you want to get a woman off, then you should at least try listening to what she likes. Which most if not all women (straight, bi, or gay) will tell you. They like it rough and direct ever now and then, but they also like the passionate side to sex too. So my suggestion would be, try to find a way where you can please her too (lol) because trust me, if you’re really pleasing her, she’ll do whatever she can to equally (if not more) please you.
    Besides it’s just way more fun if she’s fully enjoying it too appose to her being turned on for a little bit and then becoming bored and is pretending. I haven’t experienced this yet, but you can definitely see it in porn where the woman becomes bored and it just going with it.

  • “E”

    Hmmm straight guys learning from gay porn? I don’t think so. I understand the premise of your statement, but the mindset of the viewer is all wrong. If a young Male is watching porn, he’s just trying to get off. Learning is not the objective. I will not deny that he may pick up some “tips” or get ideas. But no guy looks at porn as a serious guide to great sex. Mostly it’s just to relieve a urge to see a hot chic getting banged period. And yes in the most aggressive, primal way possible. It’s merely a tool to relieve the pent up primal pressure in our loins. Tenderness need not apply!

    Now when it comes to learning what turns his girlfriend on, or how to please her, I agree; most males want nothing more than to please their partner. Because sex is just 100 times more fun when she is really into it, and it’s a great ego booster. Never mind that pleasing her guarantees that she will come back for more.

    But for a straight guy, watching gay porn is paramount to getting your teeth drilled without anesthesia! Just not gonna happen, for the average male, gay porn is absolutely and totally repulsive, unless it’s lesbian in nature. And even then you’d be surprised to know that for a lot of guys it’s still pointless, because we want to see a hot woman getting f#cked. Not having a sensual kissy touchy moment with her best girl friend.

    Now all of that said, I do agree that when it comes to good sex, most straight porn does a terrible job at depicting that. And the reasons for that are as complicated as they are many. But in the end it comes down mostly to being “formulaic” (is that even a word, lol). It’s all about getting the male viewer off visually, the end.

    Now I do have an interesting cultural observation that was completely missed here. As a Black male, I can assure you that just about every black female I know of would have nothing to do with gay, male on male porn. They find it nearly as repulsive as straight males. I’m sure this comes from the fact that in the black community, male sexuality is presented in a very strict Alpha Male manner. And believe it or not is almost universally enforced by the females as the only expectable way for a male to behave.

    Needless to say this creates quite a interesting conundrum for young black males as they learn about their sexuality and begin to experience relationships with the opposite sex. Because a black woman like any woman still wants to be apreciated and loved tenderly, but she also demands that her lover be a MAN damn it!

    I personally have found that when dealing with women no matter what the color, they like to be “taken” by a man. They like strong dose of masculinity with their sex. Be forceful, the overall act should have an air of being ravaged if you will. She wants to feel like you have been overcome by your desire for her and you are just barely in control of your actions, as you kiss her hungrily, allow your hands to roam and caress her whole body and allow your mouth, hands and penis to seek out any and all pleasure nodes of her body and to stimulate them as if your life depended on her pleasure, or at the very least as if you were feeding off her pleasure. I believe that is the essence of “male passion” when it comes to sex. That aura of being overcome with lust or desire. Not some sensitive kissy, kissy, bullsh#t. (yet this is rarely exhibited in straight porn either)

    Now that I am older I fully understand this. When I was younger I fell pray regularly to the ultra sensitive approach to sex. And was constantly rewarded with confused or unsatisfied partners who seemed highly unappreciative of my desire to please them, or thankful for the orgasm, yet content to run back to the Alpha dirt bag who pumped and dumped them on the regular.

    I know understand that I was forsaking the expected “masculinity” element of my love making.

  • Pingback: Wednesday What Is Sexy… Kissing! | SEXY 101

  • Erick

    I’ll have to concur in part and dissent in part.

    Warning, ramblings of a gay man in his mid 20s follows:

    Since I was 13 I’ve been watching porn — a lot of porn. It’s important to not generalize too much because there are different categories of porn, for both straight and gay porn (e.g. lolitas for straight men, twinks for gay men, cougars, ‘daddies’, etc.), though you are correct to point out that there are noticeable trends.

    I’ll start with my agreements. I agree with you that straight porn (and yes, I have watched it; more so when I was younger) does have its problems. Their companies have a ton of money to the point that they’re coming out with 3-D porn for those new 3-D TVs (lol). Yet despite this, the acting still sucks (though this is present in commercial gay porn as well) but more importantly the believability is completely absent. The moaning is totally fake and I even make jokes to my straight male friends about it while faking a squeaky girl’s voice saying “oh yeah!” They recognize this flaw and make fun of it too. Kissing is also lacking but mostly in heterosexual porn involving opposite-sex persons. Remember, straight men also watch gay porn…they just don’t call it that. They reserve words like “gay” or “homosexual” to that kind of same-sex intimacy that doesn’t give them a hard-on and the kind that does they call “girl-on-girl” or some cute variation. Such lesbian imagery, while still homosexual, is geared toward straight men, not lesbians (have you come across butch lesbians in porn? I haven’t!). It is this kind of porn (i.e. girl-on-girl) where kissing is found, but it is also obviously fake. The problem, I think, is that you’ll be very hard pressed to find women who enter the adult entertainment business with anything other than money on their minds. Men, on the other hand, can enjoy a status benefit as well as sexual gratification. Intimacy in gay porn happens organically because the men are genuinely attracted to one another (well, usually) and temporarily forget that they’re doing it for the cash and enjoy themselves. Until women enter the adult entertainment industry with that same attitude, the same will not occur.

    My dissent is twofold. First, it’s important to recognize the differences in men and women; second, it’s important to also identify the points of similarity in the sexes. Men are clearly more visual, while women (or so I’ve been told) become more aroused at intimate displays that stimulate their emotions and passions. While many gay men may also be attuned to the female aspects of eroticism, we are nonetheless males. We like degradation, dominance and submissiveness (straight men can also enjoy submissiveness with women being the dominant figure; see “dominatrix”). But you know what? Some women do to! In fact I’ve heard from a lot of women (and corroborated by psychologists) that many have rape fantasies. There is simply nothing wrong with that; it neither endorses rape in real life nor dismisses the actual suffering many have experienced at the hands of sex criminals. I understand why many women might be turned off from that kind of role play. Women have had a history of oppression and discrimination by misogynistic/chauvinistic men. If you want to free yourself, however, take a page from us gay guys and embrace the fiery side of sex. One can be both in control of their own sexuality in the bedroom while still succumb to the animalistic arousal that we harbor in our reptilian brain. The equality I think that needs to occur is not so much in that current straight porn must be completely replaced by a stringent, feminist, more-egalitarian model of two persons engaging in vanilla sex (nothing wrong with that). Rather, I think the equality must be in meeting each others needs — having men engage in what (most) women want most of the time, and women engaging in what (most) men want most of the time (yes, that includes the dreaded hand-on-the-head during fellatio and maybe even hair pulling; there can always be compromises of course). I think both sex groups would be very surprised in just how satisfying sex can be when you explore one another’s desires.

    Cheers

  • Jennifer

    Constance, that’s disgusting. Men shouldn’t watch porn, period; no one should

  • Randolf Skeeter

    I’m a straight man who has watched a considerable amount of porn, and have to say that I do not take any professional or semi-professional straight porn seriously. I have NEVER seen a well made porno where there is a clear sense that the man and woman love each other. I compensate by fantasizing the romantic aspect.

    I watched porn with other dudes when I was a youngster and we would always be laughing at it and making fun of it. When there were still video stores a fun game was to see who could pick out the most ridiculous looking porno. I don’t think a large proportion of men actually find stereotypical pornstars attractive.

  • Becky

    I have to say that I enjoy homosexual porn more as well , be it lesbian or gay. Of course being a bisexual woman I may be more in tune with that than other females but from what me and my friends have talked about perhaps not.I have pretty much all straight girl friends and they all enjoy seeing guys together, and some even other girls (also experimenting with other girls) it may be the more emotional side of it, not sure.That being said I also enjoy the whole dominating/rougher aspect of sex as well as the softer side. I think I like to see both when watching porn, both turn me on and probably the same for other women. It’s not so much the “kissy-kissy ness” as someone said but the aspect of there being some tenderness while still getting their rocks off,often in a rough manner too. Like a tender caress when something feels really good or actually saying how they want things to go . Also the whole fake sounding porn I’ve seen in all types of porn. Though in straight porn it is usually a more often occurance. I usually turn off the sound…it helps a bit . I have found a few real gem lesbian porn films that actually show the primal and tender love making I enjoy, straight and gay as well. BDSM lesbian porn shows this quite well I’ve found(though for other people probably not the hardcore ones..)

  • Misumu

    An interesting article, but not entirely true. While there is intimacy in gay porn there is also a disturbing (and I do mean disturbing) trend towards mechanical and aggressive sex. In fact U found your article precisely because I was hoping to find a discussion on this trend. I have watched a fair bit of straight porn and agree much of it is laughable even cartoonish, but in gay porn there is the fake dialogue which often has a rather dehumanizing element to it. Aggression that seems like heightened passion is one thing, but many studios are pushing slapping, name calling and even spitting into what supposedly is a normal sexual encounter. There have been a number of scenes I thought looked uncomfortably like rape, and yet these were part of mainstream videos. Done right porn can be a good place to take cues on how to act in the bed room, but unfortunately gay porn often mirrors straight porn. Especially since man of the performers insist that they are gay for pay. So right there you have a dishonest premise where it becomes necessary for one of the pair to act as if either they are being forced into it (read rape) or punishing the gay guy for wanting them (Rapist). There is hot yet tender stuff out there, but you have to wade through the muck to get to it.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Misumu

      Thanks for the comment. I wrote this article a while ago – is it possible things have changed? I don’t recall any rough stuff in mainstream porn, though I know there are rough sex websites.

  • Dave

    I must respectfully disagree with many of your conclusions, Susan. I write this as a gay man who has a difficult time finding pornography that is personally arousing for many of the same reasons that you, and other women, are turned off my conventional straight pornography.

    I will apologize in advance for the lengthy comment in advance, but I wish to respond with my impressions of your observations and then add some of my own.

    1. Kissing. While it is true that a lot of gay couple scenes (that are not in the “fetish” category) begin with kissing, this is often perfunctory. Gay porn tends to have a particular arc: A couple begins kissing, then the bottom performs oral sex on the top, the top will then reciprocate, and then begin to rim, eventually inserting himself and having anal sex. It is exceedingly rare to have kissing that is of any significant duration and, with the exception of scenes that are of “real life” boyfriends, appears utterly fake.

    2. Passion. I have the greatest amount of disagreement here. Unless we are talking about amateur productions, it is obvious that the actors are very much just that, actors. I am not sure how aware you may be of the, very common phenomenon of “gay for pay.” This is not only a marketing gimmick of the producers, but also a conscious choice on their parts as they believe straight men are easier to work with—especially when they are videos filmed in Eastern Europe—the general consensus is that a man who is emotionally attracted to other men (the discussion of bisexuality and differing affectional orientations is for another time and place) will be more “picky” and “difficult.” (There have been some wonderful exposés on the Czech gay porn industry that explain this well.) It is also obvious to a gay man that *clearly* the performers in many scenes are just “going through the motions” and their eyes, especially, betray an utter lack of interest that never happens during truly passionate sex.

    3. Caressing. This is similar to kissing, while yes, it does happen with much greater frequency than in straight porn, it is by and large, part of the “buildup” or “staging” portion and is, in contrast to real-life sex, does not continue through the scene.

    4. Vocal Expression. While, yes, this is more pronounced in gay porn, it is similar to passion in the ways that it is, to the gay viewer extremely inauthentic. (However, I will say, saying “oh fuck yeah,” albiet in a softer voice, is not only normal, but practically de rigueur in my experience)

    5. Role Equity. Please excuse my dismissiveness, but this is nonsense. There is almost always a designated top and bottom, mirroring the strong preferences many gay men have. Having a scene were a man both recieves and gives anal sex is so rare that when it happens it is called out as a “flip-flop.” Yes, some ‘stars’ can perform both roles in separate videos, but overwhelmingly someone is known as a ‘top’ or a ‘bottom’ exclusively and the rare times they change roles (usually when a top bottoms) it is hyped. It is absolutely true that the immutable pitcher/catcher binary is a false one and there are many gay men who do both roles. However, there almost always is a preference for one and in gay sex (either in videos or in hookup culture) men use the binary as a way to see/get specifically what they want. I can see where some of your comment may have originated from, some gay porn has demonstrable equality between the top and the bottom (e.g. the bottom saying “faster, harder, slower,” etc.) as happens in everyday gay sex and this is much more rare in straight porn (especially when compared to real straight sex), but for every video of a “respectful” top/bottom interaction there a dominating, demeaning top and a totally submissive bottom.

    6. Ejaculation Nonsense. I don’t have a dispute here. Absolutely, as long as it is visible it’s fine. Occasionally the bottom’s load isn’t shown, but usually it’s a matter of two for the price of one.

    Many of my comments regarding the problematic nature of gay porn have been covered by Misumu: Gay for pay porn, which uses the fact that the men are straight as demeaning (c.f. Broke Straight Boys, et. al); aggressive ‘rape’ porn; daddy/son verbage; etc. And regarding your response, these are not anything new, at least not in the internet era. But I would say in a quick look of any site that aggregates gay porn videos you can see a whole host of problematic behaviours as well as other issues like the exotification and degradation of those of different races , classes, national origins, etc.

    I am now going to be a little defensive and say a couple things that could easily be misinterpreted, I mean no harm by them and want you to know that I include them to tell you what a visceral, emotional reaction by a gay man to some of this was: The internet and its porn is for everyone, but we gays have so little of things that are ours and we react sharply to any attempts to change that. We’ve been marginalized and threatened for most of our lives and we resent intrusion into our spaces , having our things appropriated, and being treated as different (whether bad or good). Suggesting that we are more enlightened in our porn and that those dumb ol’ straight guys should be more like us comes across as patronizing. I encourage you to watch whatever gets you going, but please don’t misrepresent us and our productions. And a straight woman asking straight men in to something gay men thing of their own, never goes over well—whether it is a boyfriend forced to a gay bar or gay porn. (Spleen vented, returning to reason)

    I really wish gay porn was as lovely as the impressions that you have received from it. I unfortunately gay porn is just as problematic, albiet in different ways, that straight porn. With few exceptions, hey are both motivated by profit and neither cares what sort of messages are conveyed or how the performers are treated. In the end, they both are appealing to the basest instincts of men and though one may think that we are more sweet and docile that our heterosexual brethren, in the bedroom or on the screen, I’m afraid that is simply not true. Pornography is pornography, the only significant variable is the what arouses the audience.

  • http://N/A William

    Is there a more up to date article on this subject?

  • http://N/A William

    Are men who act in gay porn actually gay most of the time? Or is it like women who do a lesbian movie, but are not lesbians.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @William

      I’ve heard that a lot of guys are “gay for pay” in porn but I have no idea whether that is true. Watching it they seem into it and to know what they’re doing, so I suspect most actors in gay porn are indeed gay.

  • Fred

    Susan – I find this article oddly interesting as a 27 year old hetero man. I do agree that a lot of straight porn lacks in the passion department. Im not a fan of it whatsoever, and it’s taken much searching around to find porn that does not resemble two moaning robots together.

    BUT…There is some hope for men out there who do not feel comfortable with your gay porn suggestion. Manuel Farrera is basically the BEST porn actor out there today and with good reason. Some of the most passionate, exciting, mind-blowing stuff you’ll ever see in the straight porn world, and I think any guy should be studying him. His work is the next level above porn. The women fall in love with him on camera and give themselves completely to him. Also women love watching him too.

    I would be curious to hear your thoughts on him

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Fred

      I’m not familiar with him, but will check it out.

  • T

    Young gay guy (and occasional porn performer) here. My biggest issue with your post is your loose wording under “Role Equity” (first three sentences). It’s problematic to associate “equality” with (sex role) versatility because it implicitly stigmatizes the receptive role per traditional, normative attitudes. It’s pretty obvious from the rest of the section and post that these are hardly your views, so I only mention it for clarity.

    Final note about “passion” and vocality, to the extent that your original points are valid: consider that straight male actors have to establish a “believable,” hypermasculine presence in the scene without undermining the focus on the female performer. Their overbearing/overpowering threshold is dramatically lower than that of gay performers, simply because the roles are not so asymmetrically emphasized. I’m only calling attention to what’s being asked of men not normally selected for their thespian talent.

    Rather than simply advance “Manuel Ferrara” as a counterexample as some have, I’d suggest that analyzing his performances themselves and their interpretations (ex. how he’s essentialized in discourse, like we’ve seen in earlier comments) together reveal quite a lot.

  • Dean Parker

    Until men are made to feel beuatiful to women , women should not be giving any advice to men on sex or love.

  • Bibliss

    I’m a 52-year-old man and I happen to consider myself bisexual .

    Over the years, I’ve merely discovered how sex and sexuality are meant to be enjoyed, and I’m always surprised and amazed how often my sexual experiences can serve to open my compassionate heart to others (when it’s done right!)… I cannot say I feel any contradiction in the ways I can feel pleasure erotically with either a man or a woman (or both!)

    I can TOTALLY relate to how some women might feel more authentically respected, liberated and honored in their sexuality as a woman when viewing gay porn… gay porn makes me feel more in tune with my own receptive side. And I love how the sparks between two men sexually seem to strike up a flame and burn faster and with greater intensity compared to some other scenarios (not that other scenarios are bad!)

    More than a few women have personally shared with me how gay porn seems to give them “more permission” to enjoy the erotic exchange between the men without a sense of being the one who is the giver. In this way, women get to try on a different role around their sexuality, one that frees them to simply enjoy the spectacle of two hot men making love to each other… they are allowed to indulge a side of themselves as women that society doesn’t readily allow them to do… In some ways perhaps they are free of all the “responsibility” of being the receiver, the one “on the stage” for the men. In gay porn, the roles are somewhat equalized — the men are themselves the receivers of the pleasure with each other, and it doesn’t surprise me that some women would find this a hot turn-on.

    The scene of the men can become the object of visual (perhaps more passive) pleasure for the women — afterall, if you love men you’re probably delighted when two of them happen to be totally enthralled with each other!

    In this day of the Internet, I think it’s completely natural for women to go out and discover for themselves what turns them on erotically. I say go for it!!

  • erica

    I’m a straight girl and I must admit I love watching rough sex and especially gangbangs and I also love watching a man ejaculate (I think they ejaculate always outside in porn so that you can see it, not that it feels better, I don’t know actually how it feels for a man). It just really turns me on. I love being dominated but I find BDSM repulsive. I also hate it when the video contains more than one woman – I am 100% straight. I know that being dominated is a common female fantasy, I can’t be alone in that. Am I so strange that I masturbate to gangbangs and ejaculating on the face is my favourite part?
    I like sensual stuff as well but I can’t bring myself to orgasm from them only. They can only get me in the mood. Of course, with a partner I enjoy the passionate and sensual kind of sex and I love cuddling but rough sex really gets me going. I was actually only into rough sex and I found all other kinds of sex boring until I met a guy who showed me how love making can be great (there was real connection between us). So now I love both (with a slight preference to being taken and F**** hard).
    I look very innocent and cute and most guys are shocked when I share with them what turns me on. I can share it only with a guy I have deep feelings to and I find they feel kind of uncomfortable (because they never thought of me in this manner). They are so afraid to hurt me but it turns them on as well.
    I’m sure nobody suspects what kind of porn I enjoy. I look really fragile and also conservative, I’m a nerdy type of girl, sometimes a bit shy but I love being treated like a w**** in bed. And I love watching women being treated like that in porn. And I don’t want to try gay porn and no lesbian porn please!