What Straight Men Can Learn From Gay Porn
I propose that straight men try watching gay porn for a change, so they can learn what women want.
What, you don’t find that intuitively obvious? It actually makes perfect sense. I can explain. Research shows that online porn is the single largest source of sexual information for young men. They watch it alone, and they also watch it in groups with other guys as a bonding activity.
(What does a room full of straight guys do when they all have boners at 3pm? Just wondering.)
Recently I was researching an article about the role of porn as an influence on sexual behavior. After consulting the academic literature, I hung out on both straight and gay male porn sites for…well, for a while.
(It’s amazing how a whole day can just fly by when you’re enjoying your work!)
What I found on straight porn sites was pretty much what I expected, but I was astounded by what I saw in gay porn. Especially amazing was the contrast between the two. As a straight woman, I found the straight porn repulsive. It was unbearably phony and mechanical. It was also very demeaning to women in many cases. But the gay porn? It was arousing. I hadn’t expected that!
(I figured it had to be the higher penis to vagina ratio, i.e. infinite.)
I decided to spend more time, um, trying to figure it out.
(Whoa! There went Tuesday!)
Why does it matter what kind of porn guys watch? Because currently, straight guys get a lot of their technique from straight porn.
(And that is not a good thing.)
Shouldn’t they just watch whatever gets them off? Yes, first they should watch whatever gets them off. Then they should switch over to gay porn to see what gets women off. Gay porn is definitely hotter, even to a straight woman, than straight porn. But why?
- KISSING
Kissing during sex is normal. And nice. Gay men kiss during sex. Straight porn has eliminated kissing almost entirely. Occasionally you’ll see the “porn kiss,” which is a reptilian touching of tongues with no lips. There seems to be an unspoken agreement between women and men to connect at the genitals, but never the face.
- PASSION
The gay pornos are generally more passionate. There are more videos that appear to be amateur, or maybe the gay guys are just much better actors. Actually, the gay guys are undoubtedly much better actors, but still, passion is rarely evident in straight porn. It’s all about the guy.
- CARESSING
The O is gonna be a hell of a lot better if there is some real touching and foreplay first. Gay men touch each other’s torsos and breasts quite a bit. Very few breasts get touched in straight flicks. They seem irrelevant. Just think of all the money wasted on those implants!
- VOCAL EXPRESSION
The gay men make completely normal and natural sounds, for the most part. A slight vocalization when something feels just right, a soft moan, is soooo much more interesting than a vocal freak show. Normal women do not squawk like seagulls during intercourse. Normal men don’t grunt “FUCK YEAH!” in a scary voice every time they come. The “dialog” in straight porn is ridiculous and embarrassing.
- ROLE EQUITY
The notion of gay men being either Pitcher or Catcher is a myth, at least in porn. They tend to take turns, or reciprocate. There is equality between the partners. In straight porn, the guy is usually some creepy character who is bossy and demeaning. The women usually play the role of a submissive, sex-starved character who wants nothing more than to please this stranger.
- EJACULATION NONSENSE
The face ejaculation is the straight porn flick money shot. The woman is usually pretending she desperately wants it, often using baby talk to beg for it. You see it in gay porn, but not that much. Gay men ejaculate wherever, as long as the camera can see it. It looks pleasurable for both parties.
From a woman’s perspective, guys are not going to learn anything useful from straight porn. In fact, the notion is downright frightening. If only we could find a way to tactfully suggest a walk on the wild side!
I’m not naïve enough to think there will be many guys who will take this advice. In fact, I’m sure most guys would find the idea too threatening and alien. And that makes sense. Because straight men are from Mars, but women and gay men are from Venus.
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That is sooo deep. Now how can we get this article out there to all the men in the united states. btw, I so love gay sex scenes. I know what i'm watching tonight on Netflix.
Haha, Constance, way to go. Thanks for commenting! It's interesting, now straight women all over the place are telling me they like gay porn. Who knew?
Hi Susan,
I fell on this blog today and I have to point out something that you may not have considered about hetero porn.
Why don't they kiss?
You should consult the typical woman's favorite movie “Pretty Woman”.
To paraphrase Julia Roberts, “Kissing is too intimate to do with her clients.”
Could it be possible that the women who are 'acting' in porn movies consider kissing too intimate for them for them to share onscreen as well?
The title of your blog implies that men could learn a few things, because men are deficient in areas regarding sex.
Perhaps… but if kissing and passion are the standards by which you judge your porn, I suggest you look in your own house (so to speak).
First, I've perused a few of your blogs and your philosophy seems to be that in order for women to be happy that they should subscribe to the laws of supply and demand, and should restrict their sexual supply so that their personal demand increases, and males will fall in line.
And you're right, in a way, even in the porn world. The porn actress is the one that's in demand, and she has certain controls over what she will and will not do. I'm sure kissing is one of those areas. And in order to get the money shot, I'm certain producers and actors are more than willing to sacrifice the intimacy in order to get the goods.
Am I saying it's strictly the cause of the woman?
No.
But I am saying that you took some pains to point out that men could learn something but failed to look at some other points of causation.
As far as the passion and the noises…. does it really need to be pointed out that these girls are not really hired for their acting skills?
I do, however, agree with you that role equity, and the ejaculation thing in straight porn is pretty stupid.
What we're forgetting though is that for what it's worth, it's still just a movie. A story, even porn, has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And the ending has to have a clear ending. Unfortunately, porn producers have not invented a way to show a satisfying ending without showing the ejaculation.
I'm curious if you've watched any porn produced by women and if you found that any more satisfying. I just did a search on 'porn produced by women, for women” and found scant few that will show even a sample of their wares without first paying for it. (Interesting that the woman produced porn is well commoditized and strictly controlled).
Hi Scott, thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. Let me respond with a few different points here:
You're right – porn kisses are a way of avoiding intimacy, just like in Pretty Woman. What interested me, though, was the real kissing in gay porn. The gay porn seems genuinely more affectionate, and that's more of a turnon for women.
I am not opposed to women and men engaging in casual sex. I do believe that if women want a relationship, they need to be strategic about what they do, when, and with whom. Research shows that men view women as either casual sex partners or potential relationship partners. A woman who wants a relationship shoots herself in the foot if she allows herself to be put in the casual sex box.
As for porn made by women, and for women, I confess I haven't seen it. It stands to reason that it would be more stimulating for women to watch than the porn made for men. My point in the post, though, was that gay porn is more stimulating for women than straight porn, as bizarre as that sounds.
Hey Susan,
I stumbled on this blog after I was just discovering that more and more women are confessing to enjoying gay porn, which I thought was fascinating. I'm a 25 year old gay man and guess what, Sue? I tend to gravitate towards straight porn. Lol. I know.
I agree with you that women are sometimes unnecessarily OVERLY objectified when it comes to straight porn, but what I find arousing is that men, and I'm cringing while typing this, are more passionate in straight porn. That aggressive nature is something that the normal, run-of-the-mil gay adult film lacks. Of course there are always different genres in the adult film industry, but with straight porn, the assertive male scenario is standard and common while the softer romantic films are the minority. Conversely, gay porn tends to focus on sensual elements as it's standard with the assertive male films being the minority.
I never fully understood why the majority of gay adult films focused on the romance, because although gay men may understand and connect with women better, we are still men. And men like to be in control. -Jon
Hey, Jon, thanks so much for leaving a comment! Haha, I think it's hilarious that you prefer straight porn. I definitely think gay porn is way hotter! You make a very interesting point about passion though – I love it when the gay men are kind of kissy and lovey dovey with each other. And I loathe the straight men who seem unfeeling and rough. This is definitely something the adult film producers would do well to think about – at the very least, they should expand the repertoire a bit.
I share your puzzlement re the romance in gay films. I thought it might be because gay men may now propose and engage in traditional romantic rites not previously available to them. I have noticed that a lot of the gay porn actors are muscular and buff – one does not get a sense of them as effeminate, which makes them more appealing to straight women. Go figure!
Hey, Jon, thanks so much for leaving a comment! Haha, I think it's hilarious that you prefer straight porn. I definitely think gay porn is way hotter! You make a very interesting point about passion though – I love it when the gay men are kind of kissy and lovey dovey with each other. And I loathe the straight men who seem unfeeling and rough. This is definitely something the adult film producers would do well to think about – at the very least, they should expand the repertoire a bit.
I share your puzzlement re the romance in gay films. I thought it might be because gay men may now propose and engage in traditional romantic rites not previously available to them. I have noticed that a lot of the gay porn actors are muscular and buff – one does not get a sense of them as effeminate, which makes them more appealing to straight women. Go figure!