My son is back from college, and it’s great to have him around. Most of the rebellion and conflict is behind us at this point, so we can hang out together and enjoy each other’s company. He’s a faithful reader of Hooking Up Smart, supportive and encouraging. He thinks I am way too hard on guys, though. I can tell he feels obligated to defend anyone carrying a Y chromosome. When I denied being biased the other day, he challenged me to count up the number I’ve times I’ve used the word douchebag on this blog. Point taken.
This post is for him. Here are 25 completely awesome and wonderful things about the opposite sex. They are not in any coherent order, with the exception of #25. I always save the best for last!
1. 5 o’clock shadow.
I’m not really a fan of beards or mustaches, but 5 o’clock shadow is so damn sexy! Awesome!
2. Unconditional desire for sex.
Yes, this can be a bad thing. But there are some advantages. Guys don’t care if you wash your hair or shave your legs. They’ll have sex whenever you want to. I once had sex with someone who had a fever of 103. (BTW, that extra 4.4 degrees of body temperature was wow.) Awesome!
3. Interpretation skills.
Guys are great at interpreting the actions of other guys. Women are forever trying to figure out how men think, and every women’s magazine has some guy on staff who explains the male psyche for us. When a dude tells you the guy you’re seeing is a shady loser, get out immediately! That kind of psychic reading is awesome!
Women can learn a lot from watching guys compete. Usually they balance the desire to win with good sportsmanship. They know how to be part of a team, and they don’t take the game personally. I’ve known many women who could benefit from watching how men compete, especially in the workplace. They’re tough but fair, and it’s awesome!
5. Stable friendship.
Guys rarely get into spats and fall out with each other. They’ll look the other way on all but the most grievous acts of disloyalty. That’s partly because they are uncomfortable expressing hurt feelings, but it results in a lot less drama and preserves their friendships over time. Awesome!
6. Those diagonal dents that run from the hip bone to the groin.
I don’t know the name of them, so here’s a picture:
Those are the most awesome thing ever!
7. The soft spot between their shoulder and their pecs.
This is the best spot to nuzzle in after sex. It’s also an awesome place to drift off to sleep when you’re watching TV.
8. The moments when they open up.
When guys lay their souls bare it feels like such a WIN! It’s awesome!
This comes in handy for opening jars and stuff, but mostly I just love the feeling of being enveloped by arms that are strong and capable. It’s awesome.
Guys are funny. Women can be funny too, but let’s face it, guys are funnier. Most class clowns are guys, as are most stand-up comedians. Guys are often really good at finding the humor in any situation, and they are particularly good at making fun of themselves, which is awesome!
11. The happy trail.
That lovely hairline running from the belly button on down, like a clue to finding buried treasure. Someone told me recently that surfers in So Cal have their happy trails removed with lasers. What a shame! Happy trails are awesome!
Guys love to cook, though not necessarily in the kitchen. Most guys don’t want to be measuring out grams of flour and vanilla. But boy do they love to grill! Grillin’ and chillin’ is the summertime mantra for many men. This is awesome because it means that about five nights per week, all I’ve gotta do is a salad!
13. Saying what they want.
If you watch a guy, he’ll show you what he enjoys and what he finds threatening. If you ask him outright, he’ll probably give you a direct, forthright response. (That’s why so many girls don’t ask.) Knowing that you can find out what a guy wants in under a minute is awesome!
Guys are crafty. They like making stuff, and they are so earnest about their projects! They do everything from brewing their own beer to spending many hours on their fantasy baseball team. They love to tinker in all sorts of ways. They will even be delighted upon finishing some heinous and dirty task, just because of the sense of accomplishment. Awesome!
I’m speaking metaphorically here. Guys feel an obligation to man up, be strong, do the right thing, even when it’s hard for them. They are required to push themselves bravely forward no matter how much they dread it. That’s awesome follow through.
I’m speaking literally here. Balls are amazing. They are so soft and unprotected, so vulnerable! And they contain the treasure of future generations. I think that’s just an amazing concept. Women’s eggs are cool too, of course, but they’re hidden. I love how balls are just hanging around all the time, it’s awesome!
There’s something about the hair on a man’s wrist that is really very appealing, sexy and awesome!
I love the way guys smell, even when they’re sweaty. It’s musky. I wish they wouldn’t cover it up with cologne. Axe and Old Spice in particular should be made illegal. The smell of a guy’s clean neck is awesome!
19. Easy to please.
It is so easy to make a guy feel good. When you let him know you appreciate his efforts, he makes more effort. That’s awesome!
20. A different take on things.
Guys have a different way of looking at the world. This isn’t always a good thing (see wars). But when I spend time with men I wind up thinking about and discussing very different things than when I am with other women. Men broaden my horizons, and that’s awesome!
21. The little boy he once was.
There’s a little boy inside each and every man. Finding that boy and getting him to show up occasionally is extremely rewarding. Awwwesome!
22. Upper arms.
I’m not talking about big biceps, although those are nice. No, I’m talking about the inside of the upper arm, the place where hair doesn’t grow and it’s soft as a baby’s bottom. It’s awesome to absentmindedly stroke that spot!
23. Manly noises.
No, not farts. There’s something about hearing a guy moan in a deep voice. Knowing you’ve reduced this chunk of masculinity to goosebumps is very gratifying, even if it’s just physical. Watching him turn to putty in your hands is awesome!
When a guy opens the door, gives up his seat on the train or makes sure that he’s walking on the traffic side of the sidewalk, it makes me feel protected and cared for. There’s something generous and civilized about chivalry. I don’t see it as much as I used to, which makes it all the more wonderful when a man makes the effort. Awesome!
I’ve written before about having penis envy, but here I’ll just appreciate the penis for all its magical qualities. Even though I know perfectly well that it doesn’t take much to give a guy a hard-on, somehow it always feels like I’ve pulled a rabbit out of a hat when it happens. I like the feeling of knowing I own it, at least for a little while. It’s the next best thing to having one of my own. Awesome!