7 Things Women Want to Hear (But Only If You Mean It)

Posted by Susan Walsh on Jun 30, 2009 in Girl Talk, Hooking Up Realities, Relationship Strategies |
Subscribe

This is NOT a post about those three little words. This is a post about what women need to hear waaaayyy before that. This is a post for men, about women. If you’re one of my women readers, please use the comments below to add anything you’d like to say. And email this to any guy you know who could use a clue or two in this area!

Sigmund Freud never did figure out what women want. Maybe he should have asked some. While no two women are exactly alike, it’s generally accepted that women differ from men physically, emotionally, and hormonally. We tend to say that all men want is sex, and they tend to generalize that all women want is for them to act like emasculated slaves to our emotional demands.

Of course, we do like our romantic moments, but we also love for our men to be strong and sexy. It can be very difficult for men to strike the right balance, but it’s not really that complicated. Starting from the mushy and working up to the sexy, here are the things that women want to hear:

1. What really gets to you about her physically, (other than legs, tits and ass).

  • Show her that you are crushing on something physical about her that has nothing overtly to do with sex. Her freckles, her tapered fingers, the backs of her knees. It could be the way she smells, or her smile. I once had a guy tell me he loved my crooked bottom teeth (he was a dental student :-/).

2. What effect she has on you mentally.

  • Women love to know that you thought of them when you were apart.
  • Did you find it difficult to concentrate on work because you kept thinking about her?
  • Is there a particular moment when you were together that you keep remembering?
  • Tell her, or text her. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a quick mention will make her incredibly happy.

3. What you respect or admire about her.

  • Do you like it that she’s smart? Tell her! Often women feel objectified physically, and are thrilled to learn that a guy thinks they’re smart, or funny, or interesting to talk with. They want you to be attracted to them on an intellectual level (at least the smart ones do)!
  • Do you share her values? Let her know that you appreciate her character, and what she stands for.

4. How you enjoy spending time with her.

  • Tell her if you enjoy her company, and find her fun to be around.
  • So often girls hear about how awesome and crazy your time with the guys was. Let her know that you really crave time just hanging out with her alone sometimes.
  • Tease her. Give her an affectionate nickname, and spend time developing inside jokes that only the two of you share.

5. How lucky you feel.

  • Let her know that you think she’s a catch, and that you are a lucky guy to be with her.
  • When a guy tells a girl that he feels lucky (and surprised!) that she likes him too, it makes a girl feel special.

6. How sexy she is.

  • She knows you want to HAVE SEX with her. You should make a point of letting her know that you want to have sex WITH HER.
  • Have you wanted her for a while? Tell her when you first felt that way.
  • Tell her specifically the effect she has on your body and your brain. Was the sex amazing? Tell her. In particular, women worry about whether they’re any good at oral (even though most guys feel that the worst blow job they ever had was awesome).
  • Tell her what you like (noises are good), then tell her when she gets it right.
  • Oh, and speaking of women feeling self-conscious, if you like the way she tastes, make sure you let her know that.

7. What you like about afterwards.

  • It’s a cliché that women are all about the post-coital cuddling, and guys are all about the sleep.
  • What do you like to do after sex? Entwine your legs with hers, spoon, play with her hair? Do you like it when the back of her neck is sweaty? Let her know.
  • We know you want to sleep after sex (that was awesome sperm production!), but if you can give us a few minutes after sex, and make us feel that you are still into us even after you’ve come, we’ll be grateful.

So guys, what do ya think? Was this helpful? Tell me!

If you liked this post, please share it:
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • email

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  • This is fabulous. I'm sending it straight over to Mr. Peach Tart.
  • susanawalsh
    Thanks, Peach Tart, but something tells me Mr. Peach Tart himself could write the book on this!
  • Wow, my boyfriend does ALL of these things and more.
  • susanawalsh
    Hey, Jules, nice to meet you, thanks for commenting! You are one very, very lucky woman. Hang on to that boy!
  • Name
    I really respect these thoughts. Seriously. I wish I had done more of these things in my marriage. I definitely feel I wan't as good as I could have been. I can't speak for all guys but we are a tad bit egocentric at times. I guess I always thought she knew how I felt. Sort of thought it would work if my actions spoke louder than words. Nope. I think we men need to do a better job of verbalizing. Not becoming major whipped wimps, but just letting our significant others know that they mean the world to us, that we appreciate what they do in our lives, that we really do care and that they are incredibly sexy and lovely to us.
  • susanawalsh
    OK, this is going to sound weird and a little creepy, but I got a little teary when I read your comment. I am really moved by your willingness to share so openly and honestly. Your wisdom and understanding has come from experience; life's a brutal teacher. But you are one evolved guy emotionally, this is really what women want. You don't have to make a lot of money, you don't have to be perfect, you don't need to be obsessed with us. You just have to value us and remember to let us know.
  • Name
    Thanks for the kind words. Suppose I have evolved, but at the cost of a marriage. Problem was I was a major tool early in our marriage, no doubt about that. By the time I realized things had gone wrong I tried to fix it, but it was too late. The problem with me at a younger age was that I was well, cocky. Young, smart, nice looking with a good job. Women flirted with me nonstop even though they knew I was married. It goes to your head. Problem is your wife is working and taking you for granted too. She gets attention from other tools through her work. Talk about karma. What's good for the goose is for the gander? Something like that. Bottom line, your words hit home, but I think the underlying theme you have developed of respect, appreciation and communication goes for women as well as men.
  • susanawalsh
    It's so true. Honestly, I'm finding that almost everything I write with women in mind applies equally to men. I know because men like you are making a point of commenting, emailing, etc. In the case of a post like this one, I wish I knew how to advise women about what men really want to hear! Maybe it's just as simple as appreciating your partner, and making a point of letting them know.
  • Duck Man
    And you write, “…and they [men] tend to generalize that all women want is for them to act like emasculated slaves to our emotional demands.”

    You make me chuckle. Is that line written to infer that women don’t want men to act as emasculated slaves and want something else instead? Something we’ve misread and have been missing all along? The little secret? Or does it infer that plus, women want that AND the wallet and the brains. Dominate me!!! Please!!!

    So honey, I love that little freckle on your left extended nipple. Here honey, sit on my lap as I drag me tongue across your nipple. Because I’ve been thinking about you and can’t get any work done. I keep recalling that moment when I placed your clit between my upper teeth and my tongue and bumped it with the mouth. And you’re smart. I am so lucky. You know I want to have sex with you. I like the way you taste and smell and let’s cuddle as you place your head on my lap and put your mouth on my penis.

    How was that? Good for you?
  • susanawalsh
    I think you mean to use the word imply rather than infer.
  • Duck Man
    You're right. Infer means with a reason. :)

    I've found reason number 8.

    8. Woman like to correct men. Just let us do that, it makes us feel superior.
  • Name
    "Duck man" quacks more like an ignorant duckling than a man. What susana has laid out above is not about subverting the concept of manhood in the 21st century. It's about letting men know exactly what women need more of to feel loved and appreciated. "What is that?" asked the ignorant duckling? Read 1-7 above! So boys, don't be a duckwad, and take advantage of her wisdom. Take it from a man who knows...
    Sign me: Elmer Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht and I shoot ducks for fun
  • Duck Man
    Feeling loved and appreciated is nothing new. Subverting manhood is also not a new concept, certainly not a 21 century goal for women. How about a post on “How to Pick the Right Guy?” How about a post on finding a mature man? It seems to me if a woman wants to hear all seven bullet points above before and after sex, no wait, before and after a one night hook up, it sounds like a lot of worshipping to me from an emasculated slave, you? It says, if you want sex with me, you have to obey me and respond to my every need and tell me what I want to hear. I assure you, if a man REALLY means all seven points above, he will also say I LOVE YOU.
    Elmer, perhaps your mansion and yacht is a substitute for a small penis you deranged little eggheaded duck murderer.
  • susanawalsh
    OMG! Duck Man, clean it up, seriously. Or I'll delete your comments. I hate to do that - I don't want to censor anyone, but you're going to need to lose the tude, dude, or at least the language...

    Just to clarify, no woman thinks that she's going to hear real emotion from a one-night stand or hookup. This post is meant to address what women want in relationships. Guys are less practiced at those than ever, so my objective was to offer support - here's how to make a woman happy if you really care about her. And no woman wants an emasculated slave - I cited that as a stereotype, not an accurate description of what women want. I know the other stereotype I offered is also untrue - that men want nothing but sex. Mature men and women do want the same things, it's just about communicating enough to meet in the middle.
  • Duck Man
    I know Susan, I was messing with you. My apologies. Although I think no name could stand a stern warning as well. Not nice to point a shot gun at the customers and call me a duckwad.

    I was merely contrasting the premise of the post with the stereotype. Tell her what she wants to hear and these are the seven things she wants to hear, if you want sex and the seven things seem like a worship service to me. And that isn’t wanting a slave? Maybe not emasculated, but a slave or a worshipper.

    My question is, can’t she come to the alter with the urge, why all the tell me I’m wonderful stuff? After all, it is a one night stand. Just questioning and curious.

    And also, I’ve already written an entire post on this subject, quoted you and linked you in the post. Why? Well because I think otherwise you’re pretty funning in a good way, smart and have a good style. Really. I mean it.
  • susanawalsh
    OK, thanks Duck Man, we'll call it a truce. I did see your post, and I appreciate the link - all publicity is good, as long as one has a thick skin.
  • Roger that good buddy. You're on my reader and I stand watch for more.

    BTW, men are pressured by their fishing buddies (peer pressure) not have a relationship with a girl in fear of losing the fishing buddy? Umm, I'll have to think that one through. Not so sure that's preventable. Let me see, fishing/girl, fishing/girl. Girl wins!

    We marry. We then call fishing buddy and say, "We're back in action baby. Let's go fish'in." She says, "When-ya-com'in hu-ome?" He says, "When ya see me com'in through the door."

    Ahmygoodness, whole nuther blog on how to be married.
  • VJ
    7 Things Women Want to Hear (But Only If You Mean It) (In ascending order):

    1.) Yes, Dear.

    2.) Yes dear, you were right.

    3.) Yes Dear, you were right & I was wrong.

    4.) Yes Dear you were right & I was wrong & I'll make it up to you.

    5.) Yes Dear you were right & I was wrong & I'll make it up to you, what do you want?

    6.) Yes Dear you were right & I was wrong & I'll make it up to you, what do you want & how can I make it better?

    7.) Where did I go wrong?

    This concludes the marriage 'enrichment' seminar for today! Cheers, 'VJ'
  • susanawalsh
    Grrrrrrr.
  • valmont
    I found the article great! however, it only applies to a serious/monogamous relationship...I wouldn't advise a man doing all of these very early on in the dating process (i.e. before you are officially a couple)

    I have some qualms about No 5

    "5. How lucky you feel.
    Let her know that you think she’s a catch, and that you are a lucky guy to be with her.
    When a guy tells a girl that he feels lucky (and surprised!) that she likes him too, it makes a girl feel special."

    I think this has an effect if they have been dating for at least a year...because if said too early or too often, the women could think "I can do better".
  • susanawalsh
    I agree with everything you've said here. A guy needs to find the optimal timing and balance, not giving away too much too soon. We all value what we have to earn, and that includes the love and respect of someone you're spending time with.
  • bowen3
    I do not agree completely with the last number. I have only been with a few guys (ok, 5 to be exact) and ALL of them wanted to cuddle afterward. I am not a cuddler.......but a sleeper and always feel weird when they try to hang on me and be lovey dovey. I have even have 2 of the guys tell me that they felt used (one of them I later married)

    My point is that not all men want to sleep and I am proof of that becuase I am not a man. Also, it is not always the women that wants to cuddle. From my experience 5 out of 5 MEN wanted to cuddle. It just seems like we dont ever really know who is going to be a cuddlee and who is not.
  • susanawalsh
    Hi, bowen3, thanks for commenting! Haha, I love it! It just proves that nothing about sex is "one size fits all." It's true that some guys are all about the pillow talk. My advice is, when you find one of those, hang on to him! A man who seeks cuddling after sex is someone who desires affection and is not afraid to give it.

    The rolling over and going to sleep thing is a common complaint of women, so I'd say 5 out of 5 is excellent - you're batting a thousand!
blog comments powered by Disqus

Copyright © 2010 Hooking Up Smart All rights reserved.
Desk Mess Mirrored v1.4.2 theme from BuyNowShop.com.