What Women Really Think About Penis Size
We really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size. I’ve gathered a critical mass of anecdotal evidence that tells me the problem is getting worse. Of course, guys worrying about the size of their junk is nothing new. Studies have always shown that many men are dissatisfied with their own package. And hookup culture rewards a large penis – if you’re in it for one night, the bigger the guy, the better the story. (Please note that I did not say “the better the sex.”) Study after study reveals that women don’t really care very much about penis size. To the extent that they discuss it with their friends, they are falling victim to the same cultural conditioning that has so many guys feeling anxious and inadequate.
Why should women care how men feel about their penises? Because it affects male self-esteem, which in turn affects the way guys treat women. I have recently heard a rash of stories of well-endowed guys behaving especially badly. Like having a big dick gives them license to act like a jerk. Certainly the women I’ve spoken to are convinced that well-hung guys display self-confidence, even arrogance. But I have never heard a woman say that penis size is a factor in choosing a boyfriend. That begs the question about the 90% (or more) of guys whose penises are just fine, but nothing extraordinary. Are they less inclined to make moves? Is this a case of Nice Guys With Normal Dicks finish last?
Here’s my honest take on what women want in a prick:
1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.
In a 2005 internet survey, 63% of men said that their worries started with childhood comparisons. That means boys looking at each other in a limp state in the locker room. Here’s the truth about women and flaccid peens:
- Almost always, by the time the penis appears to us it’s ready for play. We take note of a guy’s penis once it is already erect. That is the impression that will stay with us.
- Women see a limp penis as having nothing to do with sex. It’s for peeing, so it’s irrelevant to us.
- Some penises are “growers” and some are “show-ers.” Penises that appear small when flaccid grow a great deal more in size when erect than those that are larger when flaccid. Sex researchers Paul Jamison and Paul Gebhard analyzed the Kinsey data on erect and flaccid penises to arrive at this conclusion.
2. Guys watch a lot of porn, and porn features penises in the top 1%. Women in porn ACT like they love it.
- Some of the johnsons I’ve seen in porn scare the wits out of me.
- A long penis rams the cervix every time the guy thrusts, making intercourse quite painful. Doggy-style is excruciating, as is any position where your legs are up and way back.
- A big penis is a choking hazard. Contrary to what porn shows, most women couldn’t deep throat if their lives depended on it.
- A huge one makes any notion of anal sex a no go. A true case of He’s Just Not Gonna Get That Into You.
3. Almost all erect penises fall into the same general range.
- In my youth I encountered one micropenis. It was so small that when I slid my hand into his jeans, I couldn’t find it. He had amazing abs, but no penis. It was a random hookup, and I was totally unprepared to deal with the situation emotionally. I’ve always felt badly about it.
- In my youth I encountered one gargantuan penis. It was on a guy I really liked, and I was definitely ready to go there. But when he whipped that thing out, all I could think was Childbirth In Reverse. Yikes. I think I said something like, “I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to help you with that. Have you called an agent?” Honestly, I wouldn’t even consider it. Poor guy.
- The other penises? Yeah, I’ve seen a few. They all blend in my memory, mostly falling in the general range of average, say 4.75-6.5 inches erect. Which was 100% fine. Really.
4. When falling for a guy, personality and looks are far more important to a woman than his penis.
- A study in the UK found that men often have a better body image, a better genital image and more sexual confidence if they have a large penis.
- Vaginas provide a tight fit for anything that goes in there, including fingers and tampons. Any size penis will feel nice and snug inside a vagina. (Unless it’s Borat’s wife, who he says has a “vagine like a wizard’s sleeve.”)
- Even in relationships, men continue to worry about penis size when women don’t.
85% of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partner.
Only 55% of men are satisfied with their own genitals.
- Women can’t understand why our inboxes are cluttered with penis enlargement spam.
71% of women think men seem too concerned about the size of their penis.
5. Penises provide far fewer orgasms than tongues do.
- “It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.
- Women love to have intercourse, it does feel really good. And we know that our men love it. But honestly, most women will appreciate other techniques and approaches as part of the repertoire.
- Research shows that guys with large penises tend to be “lazier” during sex. They experiment less, and rely more on thrusting. They assume that their size is all that’s required to get the job done.
To women I would say this: Give your partner plenty of reassurance. Tell him his cock is beautiful, or powerful, or hot, or whatever. Focus on what genuinely pleases you and give him credit for that. We women are partly responsible for this problem, and we should make every effort to correct it.
And to the guys: Seriously, dude, take a deep breath and don’t ever worry about this again. Be imaginative and giving in bed and your partner will be 100% satisfied, even if your little guy is smaller than average.
We really, really don’t care.
UPDATE 3/12/2010: Just read an excellent blog entry very much in the same spirit as this one:
Size Matters: Does This Penis Make My Ass Look Big?
http://open.salon.com/blog/sally_swift/2010/03/10/size_matters_does_this_penis_make_my_ass_look_big
It includes a good link about the facts too:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/penissize.htm
Sources:
Women Don’t Care About Penis Size!, http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/06/04/25972.aspx
Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., Peplau, L. A. (2006). “Does Size Matter? Men’s and Women’s Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan,” Psychology of Men & Masculinity Vol. 7, No. 3.
Pertschuk, Michael, M.D., and Trisdorfer, Alice, Ph.D. “Men’s bodies–the survey”. Psychology Today, November 1, 1994.
Related posts:
Your revirgination link is a business, apparently, with poor grammar and spelling, by the way. In any case, I'm not sure what on earth this has to do with the topic of this post. The webmd site is credible, and contained the following statement:
Furthermore, it mentions that poor vaginal tone is most likely to be a complaint in women over 60!
Honestly, I do not appreciate your wasting my time. I don't know what your agenda is, but it's seriously off topic! I am not writing about vaginoplasty!
Honestly, can you read? The “Bio Med” Studies don't exist. It's the Eisenman study, already dealt with in a comment above. Eisenman asked college women which was more important, length or width. He did not assess the actual level of importance to women of either length or width. The sample size was only 50, tiny in comparison to Masters and Johnson, which disproved the importance of width. Eisenman states in his conclusion:
In other words, this is not proof of anything.
There is no such thing as the 2003 Sex Matter Series, as far as I can tell. I did find this peer-reviewed, scientific study by Lever, Frederick and Peplau at UCLA, Does Size Matter:
Women’s Satisfaction With Their Partner’s Penis Size:
How do women view their partner’s penis size? As shown in Table 3, most women rated their partner’s penis size as average (67%), some women viewed their partner’s penis size as large (27%), and few women perceived their partner’s penis size as small (6%).
Turning to satisfaction, most women (84%) were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, only 14% wanted their partner to be larger, and 2% wanted their
partner to be smaller. A much higher percentage of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size than the percentage of men who were satisfied with their own penis size (84% vs. 55%).
For women as for men, there was an association between ratings of penis size and
satisfaction with penis size. The vast majority of women who reported that their partner was average or large were very satisfied with their partner’s penis size (86% and 94%, respectively). In contrast, the majority of women (68%) who rated their partner as small wished their partner had a larger penis. Fortunately for
men, however, only 6% of women rated their partner as smaller than average.
Further info. you might find interesting in this study:
% Women Very Satisfied with Penis Size by Age:
18-25: 86%
25-35: 85%
36-45: 84%
46-55: 82%
56-65: 80%
So, again, there seems to be some increased dissatisfaction among elderly women.
I have to say, you've got balls posting under the name Truth. I don't think you'd know the Truth if it hit you over the head. Learn to read, learn to speak the truth, and only then will I be interested in what you have to say. I don't have enough time to suffer fools, period.
The Truth says “now, now….temper, temper!”
-The clitoris is a large structure that surrounds the vagina. I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
-The G- spot does exist, its a junction of several thousand nerve endings.OK, THE WEBSITE YOU FOUND CONTRADICTS THIS. IT SEEMS THE EXPERTS ARE LOCKED IN DISPUTE. ITS A PITY FOR THE SMALL GUY AS THE G SPOT WAS ONLY 2-3 INCHES IN.
-The A-spot is at the back of the vagina, only accessible if the cervix has retracted. It produces excessive lubrication if directly stimulated by vibrator or penis. Some studies
show this can trigger orgasm. I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS.
-the average vagina, when engorged and lubricated can stretch to accomodate a 9 inch penis quite comfortably. TRY THIS LINK AND THE 2ND ONE FURTHER DOWN
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/fa...
-Child birth doesnt change the length of the aroused vagina but can dramatically change the width. Some women elect to surgically tighten the vulva post birth. TRY LINK ABOVE
-75% of women in the Belgium Studies reported width as important sexual satisfaction. TRY THIS LINK
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/fa...
-The Bio Med studies reported 80% of females suggesting width as an important factor. TRY THE LINK ABOVE AND THIS LINK (3rd page)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199411/...
_The SexMatters Series of 2003 reported the most desirable penis size to be 7.7 inches length and 5.75 inches circumfrance. The subjects were all women aged 18-50. IT WAS A UK TV PROGRAMME IN THE SUMMER OF 2005 ON EITHER CH4 OR CH5. BUT IF YOU CANNOT FIND IT THEN LOOK UP THE AUTHENTIC FEMALE PENIS PREFERENCE CHART
-Micropenis, when the erect size is less than 3.5 inches is present in one every 200 males I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
-Deformities of the vulva are much rarer and often are not diagnosed till pregnancy I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
-All claimed ways to enarge penises have been proven false I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
-Enlargement operations are expensive and dangerous and do not change erect length I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
You keep referring to only a minority of women orgasming through intercourse. This may well be true but that doesnt stop size being important. Women enjoy penetration regardless of orgasm. If you cannot feel it then you cannot enjoy it. Men are the same, they enjoy penetration but often orgasm outside of the female body (the withdrawl technique). Enjoyable penetration for both partners requires acceptable friction and pressure, not usually possible with a thin member according to the sources noted.
OK, this is my final response, I really don't think you're advancing the conversation.
From your net doctor link:
OUCH.
At your Psychology Today link:
OK, this is my final response, I really don't think you're advancing the conversation.
From your net doctor link:
OUCH.
At your Psychology Today link:
What happened to my earlier questions?
Does this mean Susan that you havent dated since 1985 ?
I assume then that your friends are of a similar age group?
You might find that openess about sexuality has moved on a little bit in the past quarter of a century.
Most of my girlfriends magazines say that girth is important for loads of women. Of course they dont give a number so I confess to feeling a little worried. Blokes are aware there is no way to increase size so it does prey on the mind a bit.
Put it this way, I wouldnt want to be the bloke with 5 inches. Not from what I have heard from women directly. And if there was a pill to give myself more I would pay a lot of cash for it. But I'm not stupid- I know such a thing will never be invented so I just have to be the best I can with what God gave me.
David
ps Do you know what happened to the small guy you met at college?
What do you mean?
David,
I have not dated since 1982!
However, two points:
1. Penises haven't changed much in 30 years.
2. My readership here is nearly entirely college-aged. This post brings a lot of men here, but it's an outlier in terms of my regular content. Have a look around if you like!
Doing the best you can with God gave you sounds like a pretty good strategy to me. Really, I wrote this post b/c I've seen much research that says men worry about this far more than women do, and that the vast majority of women (84%) are satisfied with the size of their partner's penis.
Re the guy from college, I just googled him – first time ever. He's in San Diego, I found a newspaper article featuring his beautiful wife and daughter, who are active together in a local philanthropy organization.
I love a happy ending!
Wow that was quick- thanks for speedy response.
I appreciate your detaield response about the small guy but you do realise you have given so much info he is readily indentifiable?
Not sure he will llike being outed as a 2 incher!!
But great to hear such a nice ending.
The 84% thing- I had read that a few years back. The thing is, it occured to me, that that leaves nearly 1 in 5 men who have women who find their size too small. And its safe to assume those men are not tiny, perhaps towards the low 5's rather than the high 6's. So it you are mid 5's the chances of having an unsatisfied partner due to size gets much higher. Do you see how its not much of a comfort? Using the numbers?
Still, my exes and current partner didnt complain so I think “Dave old mate, dont sweat it” and then you see her collection of (largish) dildos and you think “gulp”. I'm a bit tired of yo yo feelings on this. I know I could be worse off and the San Diego guy- thats quite inspirational really.
Ta for the swift responses Susan,
Dx
OMG! Thank you for pointing that out! I have edited my own comment to mask his identity. I would NEVER want him to feel badly about such a thing. I am just really glad to see it worked out for him – his wife and daughter are very attractive (as was he).
I do see what you're saying about the numbers. It's just all so complicated, so many moving pieces! One thing I noted is that women become less satisfied as they become older, which perhaps implies something about the way we change as we age. I've also noted that there is a large cultural component – when women say that are not satisfied, we don't know if they are saying they are not sexually fulfilled, or that they are aware that in the population their guy is smaller than average, which we constantly harp on as a deficit. Much more research needs to be done here.
I don't really get what the deal is with large dildos. I do know that when you go onto the most popular sex toy sites, the best selling vibrators are either small devices that are meant for clitoral stimulation only, or combination devices that penetrate the opening of your choice while vibrating on the clit. Even in porn, one sees women using smallish glass and synthetic objects to masturbate – very few large dildos in sight.
I have heard, btw, that this is a real pet peeve of men. Women who introduce a vibrator into sex play should make sure it is not larger than their own guy.
Hi again.
You may wanna delete my San Diago reference too btw (at the end of my last post)
Yeah the numbers screw the head up- you think they should provide certainty but far from it. For a start measuring is variable. Are you allowed to push the ruler to the base? Am I true 6? or am I cheating?
Then, you have lenght vs width or even both? On one site I read they had blood curdling comparisons. A 5.5 length with 4.5 girth has a vol of 9 but a 6.5 length with 5.5 girth is a vol of 15! very nearly double!
And then you think well, whoever took part of that survey they must be pretty pissed at the guys junk for admitting it to a researcher. What about those women who were being kind.
You start thinking its 70% not 85% so 1 in 3!! mmmmmm is that me then???? Am the guy in the Aguillera song?
Sorry I'm a bit pissed at mo..
Oh dildos, my current gf and 2 of my ex's had very sizeable umm implements. They didnt introduce them- I found them. I confess I had a little snoop. Its hilarious that girls always put them in the bottom drawer! I mean every time! Do they want us to find them? I'm going to put a blow up doll in my bottom drawer for revenge (with big boobs and fake glossy hair to boot!)
Highty night! D
I posted some questions about the daily sport and they have vanished? remember? about the 15 year survey?
Ah yes. First, you didn't provide a link, so I googled it and found the mag but could not find the survey by searching for it there. Secondly, I was so offended by the obscenity of the publication with its flashing XXXs and porn stars that I immediately dismissed it as a source. Please, only peer-reviewed scientific research. You can see what I mean if you check out the nonsense “Truth” was providing. It's important not to credit a source just because it's online, duh.
sorry- I could not agree more about the horrible publication.
I tried to have it banned from certain shops a few years ago- I was only partially succesful.
However my ex used to help compile the surveys. They are rough and ready but give you an idea on young girls attitudes to size which is pretty much the same as mens.
http://www.dailysport.com/view.asp?ID=2836
Keep clicking on the paragraphs and scroll down to the size comments. Theres about 60 surveys but they have 100s on file.
Although I despise the newspaper the surveys are quite enouraging in that most women dont get pressurised into sex acts they dont want. They are open and blunt about their needs. They tend to have safe sex. Very little evidence of underage activity. And of course these are students but at least they are emancipated and are playing men at their own game.
Please, only peer-reviewed scientific research.
I do not care what your ex used to do. I will delete any links that are not legit scientific results, since the potential to affect people's self-esteem is considerable. Please refrain from any further sensationalism.
Really? I wonder if you would have deleted the link if the majority of women interviewed had supported your own opinion.
Is this blog about massaging ego and self esteem or dealing with realities?
Isnt this type of random, on the spot survey, exactly what you said would be a good idea a few weeks back?
I thought that real commnets might be more insightful than mere %'s which dont tell the real story.
Oh, just for the record, I'm sure everyone here realises that enlargement adverts are scams. 100% bogus.
For the record, I went to your link, and it was the confessions of two women who got their partners off by dressing as policewomen. Are you and Truth the same person? You both seem to have an axe to grind, and you both seem to rely on the same bogus sources. I do not think on the spot surveys are worth anything whatsoever, haha! I think you proposed trolling bars with a handmade dildo!
Are you familiar with the scientific method? I will not allow any more nonsensical comments thru. Consider yourself warned.
Have you noticed that this is not the 1st time you have accused your detractors of either being a clandestine pill company or another poster or a troll?
If you go back to the link and look at the left menu you will see 'students talk sex' with 50 or so similar mini surveys. I note some girls agree with your views.
I am not sure why such on the spot surveys are 'bogus'. Why a live survey is less scientific than a phone survey or internet survey I'm not sure.
I admit I havent got great scientific credentials but I do not consider myself stupid, shallow or subversive.
I am aware this isn't the first time! I'm very puzzled by people who come on to debate without any valid backup to illustrate their position.
You don't understand why a spot survey conducted by a porn rag is bogus? How was the sample chosen? Who designed the survey to eliminate any potential bias? What is the control group? For example, wandering into a bar and asking ladettes about dildos is probably going to yield a result you can't defend. Which makes it 100% meaningless.
BTW, some phone surveys and internet surveys are also bogus. Research requires complex design, which is why most of the people conducting it have PhDs.
I have a basic understanding of fair surveys and bias questioning. The survey is undoubletedy on a targetted group- theres no denying that.
The original surveys consisted of a female researcher walking up to pairs of girls in city centres and offering them 50 pounds to take part in an immediate survey.
The later ones concentrated on students on campus.
The design was simple: a set of identical open ended questions with no prompting.
Because the surveys were always done in pairs, the energy dynamic bounced off both women.
They didnt have control goups or target different age groups or anything like that. It is what it is. But that doesnt make it bogus. Its an insight into the current female psyche. (or least some womens)
Almost any survey can be discredited from some perspective. The UCLA study mentioned has huge gaps in it. Imagine doing a size survey with no mention of specific dimensions? What a missed opportunity.
The same is true of the Esesienman study that you mentioned days ago. PhD or not.
Has anyone seen that TV series 'Hung'?
Is that what American women are all about?
All the female erotica I have thumbed through in airport lounges has men with huge 'things'.
Is this what girls want in real life or is it just fantasy?
If you can put a man on the moon surely there must be an operation for the smaller guy?
Hi Henry, as I've said, I believe there is much in the culture that praises the large penis. The TV series Hung treats the main character's penis essentially as a novelty, something people can rent out. My own view and experience tell me that women do not need or particularly even seek large penises in the bedroom, and research confirms this. However, if you follow the mainstream media, you'd certainly be led to think otherwise. I don't think it's particularly true of American women more than any others, it probably just seems that way because we export our culture so widely through TV and film.
Oh hi,. Well I kinda get that up to a point. But the women in the episodes I saw didnt treat it a mere novelty. It was like 'this is the holy grail- the best thing in the world'. I suppose its fiction but it wouldnt make sense it didnt have some truth in it? (would it?)
And as for the female porn fiction thing? Tall, handsome, muscular, big xxxx etc. Formulaic but it has to appeal to the readers doesnt it. Lots of blokes dont have those features. I guess some people have to settle and some dont need to.
http://www.springerlink.com/content/wqw46755050...
Jess/Truth/Truths Revenge:
The springerlink study is the one I referred to above as follows:
I did find this peer-reviewed, scientific study by Lever, Frederick and Peplau at UCLA, Does Size Matter:
Women’s Satisfaction With Their Partner’s Penis Size:
How do women view their partner’s penis size? As shown in Table 3, most women rated their partner’s penis size as average (67%), some women viewed their partner’s penis size as large (27%), and few women perceived their partner’s penis size as small (6%).
Turning to satisfaction, most women (84%) were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, only 14% wanted their partner to be larger, and 2% wanted their
partner to be smaller. A much higher percentage of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size than the percentage of men who were satisfied with their own penis size (84% vs. 55%).
For women as for men, there was an association between ratings of penis size and
satisfaction with penis size. The vast majority of women who reported that their partner was average or large were very satisfied with their partner’s penis size (86% and 94%, respectively). In contrast, the majority of women (68%) who rated their partner as small wished their partner had a larger penis. Fortunately for
men, however, only 6% of women rated their partner as smaller than average.
Further info. you might find interesting in this study:
% Women Very Satisfied with Penis Size by Age:
18-25: 86%
25-35: 85%
36-45: 84%
46-55: 82%
56-65: 80%
So, again, there seems to be some increased dissatisfaction among elderly women.
So, again, no new info. here. Also, you submitted links that got caught in my spam filter. It turns out that your “authentic penis size preference chart” is created by a site that advertises “huge cock” porn sites.
The other link was to a piece intended to be humorous by stating that you should not sleep with men who slap your clitoris, hock a loogie onto your vagina for lube, or have a mini gherkin for a penis.
I'm posting this response to warn people that there is much disinformation about this issue, and some people, e.g. YOU, will work tirelessly to drive that insecurity up for profit.
Say goodbye now. I'll ban you as fast as you keep making up new names.
http://g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/inyourpants/625...
play from 30 s onwards.
do you think this supports or contradicts this blog?
I would be interested to know your views and the views of others
Rebbeca Ammon (Facebook)
Well played Susan. I for one dont care about this issue and I'm glad to see these 'size promotors' being denied a mouthpiece.
I have never cared about a mans size and I always distance myself from women who use it in conversation in such a disdainful fashion.
Most decent girls couldnt give 2 hoots. And whats more, as you mentioned earlier, to the extent that they do care its thickness and even then only as a secondary consideration.
When will people learn its togetherness and tenderness that women want. A bouqet of flowers means more than performance in the bedroom for me.
To men: make the best of yourselves, be clean and healthy, respectful and decent and someone will love you back. I can give you a 100% promise of that.
Talia, thanks so much for your comment. What you say is true, I believe that 100%. I have been extremely surprised to learn how people will manipulate this issue for personal gain. I know that mine is a small voice in this debate, but all I can do is tell it like I see it, and discredit bogus claims as they are presented. In any case, I really appreciate your feedback.
Ummm… you do know thickness is part of 'size' dont you?
Actually I agree with you on a fundamental level. Its only an issue when the unit is super slender. Generally most blokes dont need to stress too much.
And all those girls that talk about size… some of it is hot air… immaturity and boastfulness. Not all girls think like that, particularly ones that are less into 'high fashion' etc
Kudos to SW for letting others know that we are not all like Katie Price et al.
KC
Can someone settle this argument for me please?
I have paraphrased the following from a different blog.
“I see online positions for deep penetration even for small penises, and I don’t wish to undermine the point you’re making at the beginning of your reply, Jesse. But your oft-heard assertion about the nerves in the vagina being mostly concentrated in the outer third is scientifically inaccurate. Nerves are densely concentrated throughout the vagina and I give you two published studies that prove that: 1995 study by M Hilliges and C Falconer and for a 2006 study by R Pauls and G. Mutema. Your assertion overlooks the orgasmic zone known as the A-Spot/AFE Zone/T-Spot (said by some to be easier for a woman to locate than the G-Spot), and likewise the Cul de Sac/Posterior Fornix, the subject of Barbara Keesling’s 1997 book on orgasm (retitled paperback version in 1999)”
Would this explain why some women go on about size so much? And didnt some recent research recently say th eG spot didnt exist after all? What are blokes supposed to beleive- we just cant win it seems.
F, thanks for commenting. First off, I wonder about that commenter named Jesse. I had a commenter here recently (the thread is still visible above), who called herself Jess, Truth and The Truth. She was obviously a “size promoter” and I eventually had to ban her. She sounded quite a bit like this comment you've paraphrased.
Bottom line: It's total BS.
The g-spot was recently exosed as a myth – I've provided the link to the study above in another comment.
The other spots she mentions are bogus to the best of my knowledge, and her sources (without links, naturally) are not reliable or legit in any way.
Here are the facts, as I understand them (keep in mind I am an amateur blogging about relationships, not a sex expert):
There are enough nerve endings in the vagina to produce many pleasurable sensations, and the thrusting of a penis does feel very good, though there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm.
ALL orgasms occur at the clitoris. Women who come from intercourse alone do so because the clit is close enough to the vaginal opening that the movement of the penis creates enough “tug” to build an orgasm. If a woman's clit is more than 1 and 1/8 inch from her vaginal opening, this is impossible, and that applies to 80% of women, approximately.
Women enjoy direct clitoral stimulation more than anything else, though the area is so sensitive that pressure must be light and indirect. This is why women enjoy oral sex so much – the tongue is soft and very flexible. A woman can also enjoy being fingered, especially if she is able to show the man how she likes to be touched, which will usually be the same way she touches herself.
Women like to have orgasms, and the women I've known are very happy to have those come about in any number of ways, including, btw, them touching themselves during intercourse.
I encourage you to ignore any of this kind of talk you see around – most of it is fiction, nonsense, or even deliberate deception. Jess kept sending me to sites that were clearly profiting from advertising “big cock” porn sites, etc. This issue really brings out the snake oil salesmen, or in this case, women.
Accept only scientific studies, which I have done my best to present here, both in the post and comments.
Hello there. Thanks for your reply. What you say is what I have read from some British sites too. Actually, in the blog I got this from Jesse was arguing your position, it was the other poster that was talking about the Fornix research.
So, if the medical facts back up the idea that a penis is effectively useless for orgasms why the hoo ha about it all? I get why men do it as a status symbol thing but why do women bang on about it relentlessly?
I dont mean in the media, which is every day, but in everyday life, is it a feminism thing? To kick them wear it hurts type thing?
F
Well, I wouldn't say the penis is useless. It's very stimulating visually, and as I said, it does feel really good. It's an important part of the process, it's just not the holy grail.
I don't think women do bang on about it in real life. I have never once, in 25 years, described my husband's penis to another woman. Nor have any of my friends shared that personal information. I think it is a media thing, it's Sex and the City, it's jokes on the Real World, etc. And I think it's cultural. No one makes fun of a big penis, it's a cliche to give a guy a hard time about a small one (mostly other guys do this, not women!). Women understand this, so by saying they slept with a guy with a huge penis, they think they increase their social status in some small and temporary way. It's boasting, basically, but it has nothing to do with sexual satisfaction.
Any woman who is claiming she needs a big one is not relationship material, she's after some other kind of gratification, i.e., ego. Women want a variety of things in a relationship, and I have NEVER seen penis size listed as an important factor.
I do need to offer a disclaimer here, though: I cannot say how women will react to a micropenis. When I encountered one, I did not handle it well (though I was only 19, I think I'd be better now). However, I really think about 99% of men can relax, take a deep breath, and focus on relating to women in all sorts of ways, not just sexual. If she's feeling it, the sex will work itself out.
99%? but I thought it was only 85% of women that were satisifed with their mans size?. Do you think the UCLA study is false? Was it sponsered by an iffy pill company maybe? There are so many silly adverts out there…
That micro thing… how awful for the poor guy. I'm sure you meant no harm but if a girl did that to me I dont think I would ever smile again. Just goes to show you have to count your blessings?
A further point; if you say penises feel good then wouldnt size play some part? As a bloke I have no frame or reference. Either its important or it isnt? When I have heard women discuss it (at college and more recently at work) its girth and fullness which are the buzz words. Not all of these conversations have been in a mocking way…more matter of fact type thing. Perhaps this is a more modern trend? Maybe a Sex and the City symptom?
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I just used 99% to refer (loosely) to everyone who has a penis inside the bell curve, basically. The UCLA study is not false, but it doesn't say those 15% were not satisfactory, it says their partners were not satisfied. That doesn't mean another woman wouldn't be satisfied – there's a lot of personal variation based on preference, relationship dynamics, sexual skill, etc.
I do feel terrible about the micro guy. However, one guy recently asked what became of him so I googled. Turns out he is married and has at least one daughter – I found a pic of them online, and they're beautiful. So, happy ending there. BTW, I did manage to be gracious enough to hang in and not be obvious about things. After a while, I just made it clear I wasn't going to have sex, which is hardly unusual. We made out and such for a while. I don't know if he got it or not.
For women who appreciate size, it does seem as if fullness and girth are the most often mentioned characteristics. However, I've seen where women are blindfolded and are unable to tell whether one, two or three fingers are being inserted into the vagina. I'm telling you, there just aren't that many nerve endings there. Yes, one can sense something is there, a fullness, but no way could a woman guess at the width of a penis inside her if she were blindfolded, I wouldn't think. That's not to say a woman doesn't prefer to look at a certain kind of penis – I'm just talking physical sensation.
Agreed about Susan's advice to you. Johnten, don't worry about the mean-spirited words of other people, especially when you know they're wrong.
In short, don't let yourself be brainwashed by other people. Realize how the Asian penis size myth makes no sense, by considering the silliness of what it's saying here: “Asians make up the majority of the world's population, but are below AVERAGE penis size.” As you can see, this is not logical, and makes no sense whatsoever.
Even modern anthropology (which operates by the scientific method like the “hard sciences” do) shows that while there are indeed biological/physical variations within the human species, they do NOT work according to society's idea of races like black, white, East Asian, etc. Therefore, just like white guys can be small, big, or anything in between, the same goes for Asian guys. One just can't generalize a penis size range to belong to any certain race.
Thankfully for you and other Asian guys out there, Johnten, the women who can think for themselves will not be fooled by these kinds of racial myths. As it happens, Susan herself might be living proof of that. At least, I think she is. lol
I have always heard the opposite. Friends I know always say that willies are ugly things. Its all about how they feel inside the vagina. I have found a small increase (or decrease) in thickness makes the world of difference to me. I mean, a slim banana may not cause much fullness, but a chunky cucumber feels radically different even though its only a 1/4 inch bigger.
But all this forgets the other parts of sex like oral and kissing etc. A bad kisser is worse than a guy with a small one in my experience.
There are so many different takes on this issue and I think Susan has a point when she meantions cultural pressures. My 3 daughters have a totally different take on sex than my generation. At their college, oral sex on a 1st date has replaced swapping numbers. It doesnt even count as sexual contact. And if they want to insult someone they say 'pencil d*ck'. They even call girls that name. They call each other guys and I even caught one of them jeering at another 'suck my d*ck'. Really odd.
Sexual politics is moving really fast now. I'm no prude but some of the pop shows they watch…. Its basically pornography. They worship Rhianna, black rapsters (have you heard their lyrics?) and barbie doll pop groups. I love them to bits but they are so cycnical and jaded compared to when I was their age. So in in answer to the question this blog poses, is that is it can matter a great deal but it depends upon the context.
My mother certainly didnt care at all and my sister (highly relegious) doesnt either.
My context is different from Susans, which in turn is very different from my daughters so really perhaps the question should be what type of women consider it an important factor.
So W&S are you saying that over time more and more women will think its important? What about the fact that other countries are becoming westernised?
And can these cultural pressures overcome personal preference that much?
Are you addressing me? If so then yes, up to a point.
The over sexualisation of society is bound to put penis size higher in the consciousness. However there is a limiting factor; there are bound to be people who are religious, or have a lower sex drive or are good at comprimising, that dont care all that much.
Cultural pressures are enormous. As I said earlier, my own daughters and their friendship group started exhibiting overt sexual preferences in their early teens and they were virgins so it HAD to be from TV, film, radio, magazines, their social circle. If you dont dress the right way or listen to the right music you can get bullied etc. So can if effect the issue this blog is referrign to; of course.
Susan said in an earlier reply that attractive girls felt they 'deserve' a larger penis, and this was bourne out by research. Vaginal tone and size doesnt depend on facial prettiness so this must be a mental issue, likely steered by the media. If a young girl you reads an erotic novel the guy will be tall and well endowed, so that influences future sexual predilection.
Its a bit like the fast industry. Macdonalds entices toddlers as early as possible so it becomes a lifelong habit/preference. The power of persuasion….
Wow. Hearing my fellow black women and even white women speak about “Big dicks” and that the average for AA males is “close to 7″ has made me very insecure. Everybody I know claims to have >=6.5 inches with most people claiming to have 7. Even the comments here confirm the same thing. This makes me feel small, because I only have 6-inches, with the average girth to go with it. Well, I'm not tall, but it never bothered me (5'7), even when girls said they go for taller guys. But I noticed that taller guys claim to have bigger ones – with girls of some of the guys confirming this. Is there some correlation? I feel like women are all about “big ones”. For some reason, women seem to assume I have a big one, especially ones that are not black. This makes me terrified, and I feel like I can't live up to those women's expectations therefore I will not have interracial sex (sorry if I'm too graphic). I've only shown one girl, and she didn't comment on it, so I assume she was being nice. One girl that I knew acted, sweet, nice, and innocent and had a boyfriend for 6 years finally measured her boyrfiend and found out he was six inches, she told all of her friends, and from the friends she had that I did know (white and black girls), said it was small. The best comment I ever heard from 6 inches is that it would be “satisfactory”. It's even the “bare minimum” in some cases. I'm only 20 years old, and I've became insecure as soon as I came to college. I'm still a virgin, and have even denied a few VERY attractive girls because of this. I wanted to have fun in college, but if I won't be remembered because of my mere 6 inch, why should I? Does that mean I have to give head to get a good reputation? As opposed to just swinging out my dick like “Here you go, Admire it and tell everybody so that I get me more customers!” I guess I have to find a steady girlfriend because of my “small” size while my fellow seven inchers have lots and lots of fun, gain experience, and then settle down and really please their partners. Are these women accurately measuring, or am I the only black 6 incher in America?
Susan, I know that you say that women don't care about size much, but coming up in my background, and in this generation, women are becoming more and more fascinated with big dicks. Because of this, guys with bigger dicks will get more experience, AND they will have the bigger dicks, therefore getting all of the women.
A guy can claim to have a big one all day and other guys will feel like “good for you”. When women talk about guys having big ones, and guy's not in that category, it frightens the shit out of em because they feel like they can't measure up. It would be like if a woman's significant other (male) was always assuring that the woman was perfect, perfect personality, girl she wants to be with. But them the woman accidentally stumbles on a conversation with him and his friends talking about the big boobed girls he's had and how he remembers them because of their SIZE/or how great DDD cups are and C cups are the bare minimum/ or this girl with HUGE TITS's shirt accidentally ripped and saying that they were the HUGEST BREASTS he's seen in his life and he was like “WOW” (You wouldn't know if the “wow” was good or bad, just that he was “amazed” -absolutely kills me when it's the other way around (females talking about big ones)). Or the killer, “After having sex with DDD-F breasts, sex just isn't the same. There's nothing else like, but smaller cup sizes will do. There just so big and bouncy and there's so much you can do…” How would the C cup feel?
This is not want he wanted you to hear. In fact, you only heard this because you snuck in on his conversation/eavesdropped and heard the truth. You never even seen him staring at big boobs, let alone talking about them. Akwardly enough, he tries to console you by saying “Boob size is not important, it's about proportion.” Would you believe him? Would you believe him if he says your boobs are fine? Would you believe most men for that matter (comparable to the not about size-motion of ocean thing)
What if you heard a another group of guys talking like this? And then another? And then you keep hearing that same consolation. Could be true in some cases, but you've heard to many men talking about BIG BOOBS. And then some woman says “This insecurity is brought on when women are growing up and see other woman's boobs for the first time. Women compare boobs, therefore the insecurities come from other women…” Is it the women that caused the insecurity, or the guys talking about the women with the big boobs?
Guys like that do exist, but from my experience, its nowhere near the women who are like that about big dicks.
It seems that women don't think about proportion, just BIG DICKS. Even if the guy is skinny with an average one. Go figure. Oh yeah, and if you're black with six inch, you're small.
I know it seems like I'm ranting but I'm just sick of it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy, because I'm too young + EVERYBODY will know and make fun of me. Has anybody else been through anything like this? Will I ever be able to overcome this?
Excuse the grammar and the punctuation by the way, I just ranted without organizing.
This is exactly what I was talking about. The media etc controlling opinions. But black guy, you probably have nothing worry about. A signifcant proportion of women care about girth and not length. You need to measure around not along!!
Guys always assume length is a premium, not so. Provided the lenght is adequate, and at 6 inches you are, girth, technique, passion and stamina are more prized than an extra 2 or 3 inches.
Dont dismiss what I'm saying- I know there are girls who do talk about 8/9 inchers and big black _____ etc and some white girls do find that quite exotic.
If you aim for the slightest more demure girls, black or white, they wont be dissappointed. A big one is nice to have but its not essential.
You should be happy with what you have. There are some guys walking around with 4/5 inches. Susanna Walsh met one guy with 2 inches if you read up. Try complaining to those guys! Dont waste time worrying over this- plenty of girls will think you fine.
Honest- Wendy
Seriously, dude, nearly all penises are 6-7 inches erect. Check out the update I just added at the bottom of the post – there's more good information there. Six inches is fine, it's fabulous. Don't even listen to all of the BS you hear, even if it's coming from women. Any woman bitching up a storm about what she wants in a man is a woman who doesn't have one. She may be bitter, stupid or both. No woman worth having ever walked away from a 6 inch penis, that's ridiculous.
Men tend to project onto women – because they value sex more generally, and because they worry about their penises so much, they assume that women feel the same way. Women are usually much more concerned with the quality of sex, especially the emotional intimacy.
You have absolutely nothing to fear or be ashamed of. Dwelling on this is clearly making you miserable and it is so unnecessary! Try being with someone in a relationship instead of a hookup. A woman who likes you, or loves you, will adore your penis. I guarantee it.
Not much good news for me with a narrow 4.5 inches then is there?
vrowen, you don't need me to tell you that you are smaller than average. I know that sucks. I'm just here to say that even so, much of the problem is in your head rather than your genitals! No one falls in love because of a large penis, and no one falls out of love because of a smaller one. If you are very self-conscious, then I think you should focus on establishing a strong emotional and mental connection before you have sex with someone. If you select women who are shallow and superficial, you may be rejected. If you select a woman who has a strong preference for size, whatever the reason, that's not a good match. I believe there are many women who just wouldn't care that much. I know I wouldn't.
Everyone has things that they feel self-conscious about, and many people have no choice but to display their imperfections in public. If your penis works, and you are a sensitive lover, you should be able to please any woman sexually.
So:
1. I worry I will never meet anyone.
2. Out of 6 sexual encounters, 3 have seen it and immediately walked (no nastiness- just upped an went). 3 were completely drunk. I have never had a girlfriend.
3. I think if I do meet someone I will deny them accerss to great sex
4. I think if I do meet some one they are bound to cheat
5. I think if I have children I might pass on this awful disadvantage
6. I am constantly reminded by radio, TV, magazines, newsapers, books, internet adverts, collegues, friends and even family members how size matters. (my sister jokingly saying that her 2 year old son will be a hit with the ladies due to his bigger than average size). Beyonce’s latest tune is called ‘Can you get it up- is it big enough. Etc etc x1000
7. Lastly when I had sex on those 3 occasions I cant say I enjoyed it. Anxiety apart I felt so little friction- I felt I wasn’t nearly big enough for me or them.