What Women Really Think About Penis Size

July 17, 2009

PenisWe really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size. I’ve gathered a critical mass of anecdotal evidence that tells me the problem is getting worse. Of course, guys worrying about the size of their junk is nothing new. Studies have always shown that many men are dissatisfied with their own package. And hookup culture rewards a large penis – if you’re in it for one night, the bigger the guy, the better the story. (Please note that I did not say “the better the sex.”) Study after study reveals that women don’t really care very much about penis size. To the extent that they discuss it with their friends, they are falling victim to the same cultural conditioning that has so many guys feeling anxious and inadequate.

Why should women care how men feel about their penises? Because it affects male self-esteem, which in turn affects the way guys treat women. I have recently heard a rash of stories of well-endowed guys behaving especially badly. Like having a big dick gives them license to act like a jerk. Certainly the women I’ve spoken to are convinced that well-hung guys display self-confidence, even arrogance. But I have never heard a woman say that penis size is a factor in choosing a boyfriend. That begs the question about the 90% (or more) of guys whose penises are just fine, but nothing extraordinary. Are they less inclined to make moves? Is this a case of Nice Guys With Normal Dicks finish last?

Here’s my honest take on what women want in a prick:

1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.

In a 2005 internet survey, 63% of men said that their worries started with childhood comparisons. That means boys looking at each other in a limp state in the locker room. Here’s the truth about women and flaccid peens:

  • Almost always, by the time the penis appears to us it’s ready for play. We take note of a guy’s penis once it is already erect. That is the impression that will stay with us.
  • Women see a limp penis as having nothing to do with sex. It’s for peeing, so it’s irrelevant to us.
  • Some penises are “growers” and some are “show-ers.” Penises that appear small when flaccid grow a great deal more in size when erect than those that are larger when flaccid. Sex researchers Paul Jamison and Paul Gebhard analyzed the Kinsey data on erect and flaccid penises to arrive at this conclusion.

2. Guys watch a lot of porn, and porn features penises in the top 1%. Women in porn ACT like they love it.

  • Some of the johnsons I’ve seen in porn scare the wits out of me.
  • A long penis rams the cervix every time the guy thrusts, making intercourse quite painful. Doggy-style is excruciating, as is any position where your legs are up and way back.
  • A big penis is a choking hazard. Contrary to what porn shows, most women couldn’t deep throat if their lives depended on it.
  • A huge one makes any notion of anal sex a no go. A true case of He’s Just Not Gonna Get That Into You.

3. Almost all erect penises fall into the same general range.

  • In my youth I encountered one micropenis. It was so small that when I slid my hand into his jeans, I couldn’t find it. He had amazing abs, but no penis. It was a random hookup, and I was totally unprepared to deal with the situation emotionally. I’ve always felt badly about it.
  • In my youth I encountered one gargantuan penis. It was on a guy I really liked, and I was definitely ready to go there. But when he whipped that thing out, all I could think was Childbirth In Reverse. Yikes. I think I said something like, “I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to help you with that. Have you called an agent?” Honestly, I wouldn’t even consider it. Poor guy.
  • The other penises? Yeah, I’ve seen a few. They all blend in my memory, mostly falling in the general range of average, say 4.75-6.5 inches erect. Which was 100% fine. Really.

4. When falling for a guy, personality and looks are far more important to a woman than his penis.

  • A study in the UK found that men often have a better body image, a better genital image and more sexual confidence if they have a large penis.
  • Vaginas provide a tight fit for anything that goes in there, including fingers and tampons. Any size penis will feel nice and snug inside a vagina. (Unless it’s Borat’s wife, who he says has a “vagine like a wizard’s sleeve.”)
  • Even in relationships, men continue to worry about penis size when women don’t.

85% of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partner.
Only 55% of men are satisfied with their own genitals.

  • Women can’t understand why our inboxes are cluttered with penis enlargement spam.

71% of women think men seem too concerned about the size of their penis.

5. Penises provide far fewer orgasms than tongues do.

  • “It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.
  • Women love to have intercourse, it does feel really good. And we know that our men love it. But honestly, most women will appreciate other techniques and approaches as part of the repertoire.
  • Research shows that guys with large penises tend to be “lazier” during sex. They experiment less, and rely more on thrusting. They assume that their size is all that’s required to get the job done.

To women I would say this: Give your partner plenty of reassurance. Tell him his cock is beautiful, or powerful, or hot, or whatever. Focus on what genuinely pleases you and give him credit for that. We women are partly responsible for this problem, and we should make every effort to correct it.

And to the guys: Seriously, dude, take a deep breath and don’t ever worry about this again. Be imaginative and giving in bed and your partner will be 100% satisfied, even if your little guy is smaller than average.

We really, really don’t care.

UPDATE 3/12/2010: Just read an excellent blog entry very much in the same spirit as this one:

Size Matters: Does This Penis Make My Ass Look Big?

http://open.salon.com/blog/sally_swift/2010/03/10/size_matters_does_this_penis_make_my_ass_look_big

It includes a good link about the facts too:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/penissize.htm

Sources:

Women Don’t Care About Penis Size!, http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/06/04/25972.aspx

Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., Peplau, L. A. (2006). “Does Size Matter? Men’s and Women’s Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan,” Psychology of Men & Masculinity Vol. 7, No. 3.

Pertschuk, Michael, M.D., and Trisdorfer, Alice, Ph.D. “Men’s bodies–the survey”. Psychology Today, November 1, 1994.

  • Yes, to the extent that women do care about size, it’s girth they mention rather than length. Either way, it is so much more about the brain than the penis. A real intimate connection could make sex fabulous regardless of the equipment, and a random hookup with a stranger is not likely to be mind-blowing no matter what his stuff looks like.

  • vrowen75@yahoo.com

    Not much good news for me with a narrow 4.5 inches then is there?

    • vrowen, you don't need me to tell you that you are smaller than average. I know that sucks. I'm just here to say that even so, much of the problem is in your head rather than your genitals! No one falls in love because of a large penis, and no one falls out of love because of a smaller one. If you are very self-conscious, then I think you should focus on establishing a strong emotional and mental connection before you have sex with someone. If you select women who are shallow and superficial, you may be rejected. If you select a woman who has a strong preference for size, whatever the reason, that's not a good match. I believe there are many women who just wouldn't care that much. I know I wouldn't.

      Everyone has things that they feel self-conscious about, and many people have no choice but to display their imperfections in public. If your penis works, and you are a sensitive lover, you should be able to please any woman sexually.

  • Darren

    So:

    1. I worry I will never meet anyone.
    2. Out of 6 sexual encounters, 3 have seen it and immediately walked (no nastiness- just upped an went). 3 were completely drunk. I have never had a girlfriend.
    3. I think if I do meet someone I will deny them accerss to great sex
    4. I think if I do meet some one they are bound to cheat
    5. I think if I have children I might pass on this awful disadvantage
    6. I am constantly reminded by radio, TV, magazines, newsapers, books, internet adverts, collegues, friends and even family members how size matters. (my sister jokingly saying that her 2 year old son will be a hit with the ladies due to his bigger than average size). Beyonce’s latest tune is called ‘Can you get it up- is it big enough. Etc etc x1000
    7. Lastly when I had sex on those 3 occasions I cant say I enjoyed it. Anxiety apart I felt so little friction- I felt I wasn’t nearly big enough for me or them.

    • Il Capo

      Dude, there's a few girls who should appreciate your uniqueness. I had one girl struggle with my size and I'm only average. I also know a few girls who like the idea of anal but can't manage it with anything other very small dildos.

      Find your niche and make the most of your yang.

  • darren

    Deafening silence on that one. The thing is we live such mollycoddled lives we always expect there to be a medical or technical solution to issues in our lives. The cold truth is that sometimes life is tough. What do you say to a 20yo in a terminal cancer ward? Tumour size doesn’t matter?

    Let me give you my experiences.
    At 10 I knew I was small because a nurse remarked on my size in a concerned way when I had a minor bowel surgery.

    This thought consumed me for 8 years until I plucked enough courage to see my uni GP (no way I was gonna see family GP). He measured me at 4 and said I wasn’t micro but was on the very lowest of normal ‘scale’. He talked me through all the possible surgical/chemical options. Pills and potions and expanders are pure bullshit. All surgery does is make the flaccid dick longer- it doesn’t do anything for the erect one- in fact- due to scarring it can be shorter. As for fat injection- it should be called fat infection…

    So nature has ensured there is fuck all I can do about this

    • Sorry, Darren, I'm actually away on vacation, checking in far less often. I didn't mean to ignore your comment. Obviously, I am sympathetic, that's why I wrote this post. I'm not a professional, so I'm not in a position to give any concrete advice. This is obviously a real problem, and you've experienced it as a significant disadvantage. I can certainly understand why you feel so discouraged and unhappy. In fact, it sounds like you experience this is as a real handicap, and you've pointed out that there is no remedy.

      You cannot control the size of your genitals. You can only control your own response. The first thing I would say is you have to learn to ignore the cultural references. Cultural pressure is real, and I believe that is where most of the preference for size comes from. I wrote this post because I know that a man can please a woman regardless of penis size. It may be that intercourse will not be the best part of sex for your partner, and it sounds like it wasn't the best for you. That still leaves many other options. There are various ways for men and women to have orgasms, and as long as you can have one and give one you are fully capable of a rich and rewarding sex life.

      For you, the problem really is one of self-esteem/confidence. I can certainly understand why that's the case, and I think that is the battle you have to fight. I remain certain that there are women who will love your penis if they love you. There are women who are in love with men who are incapable of sex, or even of having orgasms, due to physical injury. I wrote above about a guy I knew with a micropenis, and at the urging of another reader I googled him and learned that he has a lovely wife and daughter.

      Your frustration and anger is understandable, but I believe that if you can meet a woman who falls for YOU, this is not an insurmountable problem. There are therapists who specialize in male sexuality, and that might be a good way to get some perspective and good advice from an expert. Aside from that, I would live your life as anyone else would. Go on dates. Because you will feel self-conscious, delay sex until you have something real with someone. Don't go for the drunk hookup with a stranger. I am confident that if a woman falls for you with your clothes on, she will love you with them off. This needn't be something that ruins your life. That's why I called it a battle, and I think you do have to fight it. Don't let this get the better of you.

      • darren

        Thankyou Susanna- A lot of what you say makes sense. I'm split between the way forward now. The 3 girls that bailed I didnt know that well so we didnt have any mutual friends they could tell so it wasnt too awkward for me.

        Trouble is, if I build up a proper relationship with a girl and then she bails after she sees it- i dont know if I could handle that. Truly.

        • All I can do is tell you how I would handle it if I were you. Build the relationship. Be assured of a woman's values and character. Once you feel that a woman is someone you could love, nurture the emotional intimacy. You can state right up front that you don't want to have sex too soon. When you feel confident that a real emotional connection exists between the two of you, talk to her about it. Tell her that you are nervous and self-conscious, but that you would really like to make love to her. See what she says. Do not have sex with a woman until you feel reassured that she cares for you. Casual hookups are definitely not for you, for the reason you state above – it could be devastating.

          Look, I had a good friend in grad school who knowingly went into a year-long relationship with an impotent man. She fell in love with him, and it wasn't a dealbreaker. You have a penis that works! Seriously, do not treat this like it's the end of the world, it isn't! But I think you should protect yourself by being physically intimate only with someone you can trust.

          There are no guarantees for any of us. Plenty of men and women watch partners bail, and experience rejection. Focus on what's most important to find a woman who feels the same way you do. It's not genitals, in fact it isn't physical characteristics at all.

  • Dee

    I've stumbled apon this page while searching for something penis-size related on google. As a person who has a 5" penis, I can say that this is just about as big a curse as going bald at 20 or being 5'3 tall. Sure the bald and short guys eventually get married, but what do they have to go through to even have a chance? It was said earlier that guys with smaller penises are not as self-confident and so are less likely to attract a partner. But how are they supposed to get that confidence when it's known that in general a bigger penis is preferable? It's like telling a fat guy to show off his muscles in a competition against body builders. Even if he's going to show off he's not going to get good marks.

    • It is a challenge to be very confident if one goes bald early, is extremely short, or has a small penis. Yet I know many men who are faced with these and other obstacles and are in successful long-term relationships. It's important to realize that women are biologically programmed to select men for mating based on a wide variety of factors, mostly based on whether he will be a good potential parent.

      That's why you often see very attractive women with less attractive men – if a man can present as sufficiently dominant and assertive, he will attract women. When you have something eating away at your confidence, it's important to work on that. I understand it feels like a Catch 22, and one thing guys trying to get better Game do is practice approaching women many times so that they can get somewhat used to rejection.

      Having said that, honestly, I think you are FAR more worried about this than many women are. As I said to Darren above, when you have casual sex or drunk sex, by definition you are with someone who doesn't care about you. All she is after is a quick f*ck, and possibly a story to tell her friends.
      Instead, try to get to know women well before you have sex with them. Become friends first, and let intimacy develop over time. This means better sex anyway, not just with regard to genital size.

      Again, though, I have to emphasize, I've seen 5" penises and I just don't think there's that big a difference when you're talking about an inch here or there. You are well within the bell curve, so stop tormenting yourself!

  • Dee

    I think a lot of the statistics on penis size and sexual satisfaction are outdated. Everyone will agree with me that women these days have 100% of the choice in when and who they sleep with and I'm also pretty sure that everyone will agree with me that as a society we have turned away from putting in hard work and instead hoping for instant gratification for little effort. This is why bigger penises are preferable in the short term. So sure, those statistics saying women would be satisfied with a whole range of penis size is true, but are they going for those penis sizes? It's more to do with what's left on the market. Very few people seriously date until after their college years and that means a whole section of the population is left frustrated. And yeah even as a guy I've heard girls talk and a lot of guys get labeled with having a small dick, it's surprising how quickly these sort of things spread even in large colleges.(or at least the one I went to, and no, it didn't happen to me)

  • Dee

    Also, I don't trust any of the sources saying what the average penis size is. It ranges from anywhere between 4.5 to 7.5 inches. That is a huge difference between penis sizes. I think the smaller sizes are brought up on websites just so smaller guys don't worry as much. Men with smaller penises really cannot enjoy normal 21st century life in America like they should. There's no turning back now, it will just get worse, I believe the "size-queen" phenomenon is going to increase in the future. As for now all we can get is a doctor or some statistic saying we are in the normal range. We don't want to have a huge increase of people with mental issues brought up because of their penis size. Although I believe in the future more men will need mental help for this "non"-issue.

    • Women have always been the ones to provide access to sex, and they always will be. A woman seeking a one-night stand will be more impressed with novelty, something different than all the other one-night stands. This is because women generally don't find casual sex as satisfying as men do – we have more orgasms and better orgasms with a preferred male instead of a stranger.

      In college, the only people making out well are guys who are natural "Alphas." They exude a lot of confidence with women. That's about 20% of the population, and the other 80% of the guys are generally getting little or no sex. Many girls are also very unhappy, because they often want relationships, and the men they are being approached by don't want that.

      If you're in that 80%, you need to get some Game, enough so that you can mimic the behaviors of a natural Alpha. If you can work on your ability to attract women, you are more likely to find a woman who will care for every part of you.

      No matter how many reassuring stats you find online, it will never be enough. You can only approach this by working on the way you feel about it, and how you choose to handle it.

  • VJ1

    "And did it say Susan Walsh encountered a micropenis at the Pi Kappa Alpha house on November 26, 1982?"

    Sheet…That was you?!! I'm like really, really sorry. It's all fixed now! Don't ask how… DARPA did it. I can see in the dark with it too. Cheers, 'VJ'

    • Haha, VJ, what are you doing over here on this post? My most read post ever, by the way. Which proves how many men struggle with this anxiety.

  • Update from an article in my in box this morning. Nothing new, but it bears repeating:

    From Sex: Fact and Fiction at WebMD
    http://men.webmd.com/guide/sex-fact-fiction

    "We equate masculinity and power with penis size," says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. "Of course, there's really no relationship." Still, Sharlip says, "all" of his patients want to increase their penis size.

    The idea that bigger is better is "not just total mythology," says Seth Prosterman, who has counseled couples since 1984 and notes that some of the women he's worked with do prefer a bigger penis — aesthetically or "fit-wise." But, he adds, "For the vast majority of partners, penis size doesn't matter."
    So what, exactly, constitutes a big penis? Let's whip out some data:
    •The average penis size is between five and six inches. That's for an erect penis.
    •The flaccid male organ averages around three and a half inches.

    If you had an anxiety hiccup before you read the "erect" qualifier, consider it a metaphor for the danger of jumping to conclusions about penis size — or about the primacy of the penis altogether.

    "The idea that the penis is the most important part of your body underlies so many of men's sexual problems," says Cory Silverberg, a sexual health educator and founding member of Come As You Are, an education-based sex store in Toronto. "One of the biggest sex myths for men is the notion that we are our penises, and that's all that counts in terms of sex."

    "It's a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman," says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to "female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques." In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.

    • Patty

      That comment by Ira is not strictly true. Masculinity in a male actual can be measeured by size as it indicates testosterone exposure in the womb. Males with decreased testosterone (or an inability to respond to it) are called under-virilised. The more the deficiency the smaller the genitals. Severe reductions result in intersex conditions and/or infertility. There often other clues like relative finger size in males. If you look at athletes in high power sports they always show this effect. Also true, to an extent, in facial features and bmi.

  • liverpoolguyz

    This is disengenious and classic 'misdirection'.
    Couples would normally only complain about size if the guy is small.

    That is not the same as 'most couples dont care about size'

    Also, most people know oral sex is very pleasurable and less than half of women orgasm from sex alone. That doesnt stop size mattering as most women want a guy with a decent sized tongue and a decent sized member AND decent technique. Why settle for less?

    • What the hell? A decent sized tongue? Do you prefer a 7 incher? Honestly, the nonsense some people spout in these comments! A decent sized member? Not sure what constitutes decent. Decent technique? Easily learned in a weekend with a person you dig.

      Now, let's assume I find a guy who has a big tongue, and a big penis and good sexual technique. What about his character? How about if he's Jack the Ripper? Many men could meet your qualifications and be cruel, selfish, boring, and ugly. I don't think it's possible to stoop any lower than that.

  • Tal

    I think the truth is that women with high self esteem care a fair bit about size and women with lower self esteem simply want a faithful/secure partner and are more forgiving of bodily imperfections.

    Just as well because we cant all look like Claudia Schiffer or George Clooney.

    TaliaZ

    • Interesting, what do you base that on? I would have thought it was just the opposite. A woman with high self-esteem doesn't need a certain kind of penis to validate her sexually. She will be more capable of a healthy relationship with a faithful/secure partner and will have the maturity to accept the man she loves for who he is. A shallow woman will "need" to be seen on the arm of a hot man, and if she can boast about his penis to her friends, so much the better.

  • TaliaZ

    I suppose it depends on your definition of what esteem is. In my experience the women in my circles who have hinted their men are well endowed are attractive, self assured and highly confident.

    Plus, most women desire a hot man not for boasting rights but more for the 'hotness' in itself. The boasting is just an extra benefit.

    Dont you think there is a certain maturity in being comfortable in your own skin and knowing what you want? and being open and honest about it?

    • Hmmm.

      1. I wonder what your definition of well endowed is. Does a confident woman have the right to a large penis? How large? How early on does she rule a guy in or out? Is she more likely to have casual sex to get a look right away and make sure she isn't wasting time with an average sized guy? Or does she wait until she has feelings for a man, and then hope and pray he isn't smaller than average, since that would be a dealbreaker and break her heart?

      2. You equate large penis with hot man. I couldn't disagree more. In my experience, and in what I have learned from my readers and other research, men with large penises tend to be lazy in bed. They rely on their penises to do the job, and are less likely to have any other technique. Since 75-80% of women don't come from intercourse alone, this is a serious deficit.

      3. I do think it's great when women know what they want and go for it. If you're a woman who wants a big penis, happy hunting!

      • Talis

        I'm not such a woman particularly. I'm very happy with my partner (only the 2nd guy I have been with) and he's nicely average.

        So i'm no expert on the ranges out there. If the average is between 6-7 then I suppose anything above 7 is 'well endowed' but I have heard mention of some eye watering sizes over the years. I think the questions you pose have answers that depend upon the women concerned. I know lots of women 'cop a feel' of the goods to ensure they are physically compatible.

        I would agree hotness can take many forms. I adore tight buns and square shoulders, some girls might lust after size. I just dont think girls pick a bloke for boasting rights or status- i think they do it because the guy turns them on.

        I totally agree oral is important. Without it I would not be able to have intercourse personally.

  • LeslieW

    A lot of young couples can fall madly in love and if the guy is in the lowest 10% its not the end of the world because the girl is in the throws of a naive love and can forgive anything physical. They get marrried, its all good etc but then the girl ages a few years, she gets to know her body, reads a bit of erotica, realises shes getting squat from intercourse. She is less interested in her partner, he picks up on it, confidence lowers, spiral starts, physical intimacy nosedives, arguments over the dishes dont get resolved, money issues grate, one or both partners cheat, divorce likehood rises etc etc

    This issue always gets brushed under the carpet, but in my exerience as a sex counsellor this is one of the more prevalent issues today, second only to the overuse of pornogaphy by men.

    I'm not saying what the solution is, I wish I did but blogs like this are going to increase more and more as time goes by. One thing I would urge to any women reading this is that they never 'out' a small guy. No matter how bitter you are or feel. Men across the western world take thier own lives over this issue and countless relationships destroyed because of a lack of coping strategies for those affected.

  • Well, as far as I can tell, it's very common for married people to feel dissatisfied with their sex lives after a few years. This is true regardless of penis size.

    She is less interested in her partner, he picks up on it, confidence lowers, spiral starts, physical intimacy nosedives, arguments over the dishes dont get resolved, money issues grate, one or both partners cheat, divorce likehood rises etc etc

    Unfortunately, this is a very common complaint among those who have been married for a while. If there are children in the mix, that takes enormous time and exacerbates the problem. Many women don't find intercourse ENOUGH – that's not to say they "don't get squat." But for many women, intercourse is for the guy.

    It's interesting you say that you work as a sex counselor, and that small penis size is the second most prevalent issues you deal with. It makes me wonder what "small" is. If you've got that many clients worried about it, it really can't be that rare! Once again, I sense a cultural magnification of the issue.

  • leslieW

    Yes, I would agree to each and every point made here. I have indeed worked with couples where the man was above average in size but the chemistry had gone. Children are a very common factor. Sometimes its time or exhaustion issues, sometimes the husband sees the wife as a 'mother' and that can alter his libdio. This has been the case since I started in this profession. However pornography addiction or size issues have overtaken in the past few years.

    The cultural impact has certainly played a part. Female erotica found in books or magazines have altered expectations. Even sitcoms have an underlying theme. Some of your previous posters referenced the music industry. Some of the lyrics, from female artists particulary, have an enormous impact on young girls (and boys) and alter expectations even more. Frankly I feel I should charge the music/publishing industry rather than my clients sometimes!

  • Ralphy

    Its not just erotica and media its also a feminist thing for girls to put down men easily because they know its emasculating. Spears did it to Timberlake a few years back. Battle of the sexes stuff.

    • Exactly right. I believe it is a very comment insult to hurl at a guy who's breaking up with a woman. When women feel threatened, this is the first thing they'll throw out. Guys should be able to discount it, i.e., "consider the source," but it's such a sensitive topic for guys that even a remark made in anger will resonate and make them worry about this issue.

      • Brian

        I think we all know that women do that to wound men even if the recipient is large or average in size. But it also reveals what women really think of small men. thats why its the ultimate insult.

        Its worse to be called a pencil dick then it is a criminal because you are the lowest of the low. To own a small one is the ultimate sin- the leprosy of our era.

        so to be accused of having a small one is bad enough but to actually HAVE a small one….beyond endurance.

        • Keep in mind, Brian, the median number of sexual partners for women is 4:

          http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19374216/

          That means the odds are very high that most women have never seen a penis outside the range of average, and furthermore, most have little basis for comparison. Most women don't actually know when they look at a penis where it falls on the size scale.

          However, all women know they can hurt a man by saying something insulting about his penis. Therefore, it seems likely that the insult does not reflect the woman's knowledge or even how she feels about that particular guy's penis. It's just a cheap shot, and men should take it as such.

  • brian

    yeah i totally get that the insult may or may not be truthful but its used because its the worst insult they can muster because its so disgraceful to be small.

    the use of that particular insult betrays how women regard smaller organs.

    and i cannot imagine a women in this day and age doesnt know the average is 6-7.
    surely most 11yo girls know that in sex ed?

    • WebMD says the average is 5-6 for an erect penis, FWIW. Also, I can assure you that it can be rather difficult to tell – one really gets a general impression, not an exact measurement. Honestly, I've been married 25 years and I am not sure I could come within an inch of being accurate. I've never measured! Furthermore, lots of things can make a penis look bigger or smaller. Fat around the middle makes a dick look smaller. Shaving off pubic hair makes a penis look bigger.

      I never took sex ed, but I don't think it would be helpful to teach data about genital size. I don't think that's part of the curriculum in the U.S. at least.

  • EyeSaw

    The thing is about all this ho-haa is the fact that nobody looks at the picture scientifically and that people tastes vary so much.

    1. People will always take the piss out of ugly people, fat people, dumb people or people with small junk.

    2. Of course women have an idea of the average size, its in science text books, the net, whatever…obviously they are not as obsessed like blokes but i doubt there isnt a women over the age of 16 in the western world that doesnt know its about 6in.

    3. Right, get your calculators out….

    In a recent(ish) massive study 50,000 people were polled about size.

    85% of women were happy.

    However of the 6% of man that were ‘small’, 70% of women partners werent.

    in the 50’s Kinsey did a massive poll to give an average of 6.4 in.
    10% less than 5.5, 40% 5.5-6, 40% 6-7, 10% 7-10.

    but recent studies push the bell curve a little more to the left giving an average of 5.9in
    10% less than 5, 40% 5-6, 40% 6-7, 10% 7-10.

    Now I will go with the more recent figures. I am going to assume that most of the 15% of men with partners who didnt think they were big enough were in the bottom 10% and 40% sectors (at least I hope so!- gulp!). so that means if you are close to 5in you have a pretty good chance you are with someone who thinks you are too small. And that for men is the most painful thing in the world.

    If you are between 4-5 in you are almost certainly with someone who thinks you are too small.

    So that why guys fret so much. With figures like these the odds are not good.

  • Del

    70% of women think their men are too small!!!!!!!!!! thats got to be BS!!!

    • Wait, no. Of the men studied, 6% were classified small. We don't know what that means in terms of size. Of those men's partners, 70% were dissatisfied with size. Of course, this doesn't explore what those men are doing in bed, with their penises and other sexual practices. There may be a causal relationship where men who are deemed small are timid in bed or avoid sex. Of course their partners would be unhappy in that case.

      Size is a very difficult and complicated issue – psychologically, physically and culturally. I understand why men are anxious. I just continue to encourage men to find a loving partner and take it from there. Use your brain in bed – it's the most important sex organ.

  • EyeSaw

    Susana is quite right. I didnt explain it very well. Its 70% of 6% so just over 4% of men in reality.

    I’m a bit confused myself as to why therefore its 15% that werent happy as a total.
    The research didnt expain that nor did it say who qualified as small.
    I guess they were holding out for additional funding?

    In terms of why women were disastified the research paper said ‘size too small’ in of itself. Again it didnt say if it was due to looks, or vaginal effect.

    It is good news for the average guy- there wasnt much evidence of women being strongly attracted to huge members just a clear indication of dislike of ‘smaller’ (whatever that might be- I was guessing in my previous post)

    • EyeSaw, thanks for sharing information. As with all of these studies, it means good news for some and bad news for others, depending on where you stand. I fear that guys who are worried about the issue keep googling until their worst fears are confirmed. It's very difficult to sort through all the information out there.

  • EyeSaw

    Yes indeed. There is a real yo yo of data and arguments between experts. Men dont have a clue where they stand.

    Any anxiety is heightened by the culture of western society which is pro size. The best selling girl singer has certainly nailed her colours to the mast with her latest hit so thats any man between the age of 13-30 thats gonna worry- I mean how could you not!!

    So they look up the data and its either phew! or damn!

    but… no different from what ugly or short guys have to put up with I guess. We all have our crosses etc etc

  • seth

    i take it you mean rhianna.
    that is one sanky girl with one skanky song

  • Kam20

    I'll apologize up front for the need to multiple-post…

    I yo-yo on this every day. I have been depressed for decades and it's this issues compounded with others.

    But last night, I found a lump and my preoccupation has returned. Last Autumn I tried to kill myself. And failed. I have gone through months of therapies and healing, and I have days where I come very close to accepting myself.

    And then a simple comment, joke, or general insensitivity can undo months of work and that scares me, because I'm not convinced that I deserve to die over something I had no control over.

    I had an infection in my foreskin when I was 5, and needed an "emergency" circumcision because I didn't tell anyone about it soon enough. It's very apparant to me based on some slight discomfort and bizarre look of "overstraining" when fully erect, (and by the scarring), I was left with less than what I will ever know what nature intended. I was screwed by the hands of nature AND man.

  • Kam20

    Yet it's funny to so many and my life is somehow devalued. I'm also intelligent enough to know that most of the most vocal of "size advocates" are immanture big men looking for praise, or people -men AND women, straight AND gay – who take an intentionally negative view just to push buttons and get a rise out of people,

    But the fact remains that I will never feel ok with myself despite how intelligent I am, because I feel guilty. Guilty for not being "man enough" despite how much I have come to learn about self-acceptance and maturity. And I feel guilty about losing the love of my life 10 years ago. And it was over the size of my penis… in a way.

    I ran into her a few years back. During that awkward exchange I sarcastically pointed out how I never felt "man enough". She didn't get it at first. Then she clued in to what I was saying.

    You see, when we were together I made no secret about how I was not good enough for her – how that she would leave me for a "real man". Dour time together, she was nothing but loving and supportive. And she never cheated on me.

  • Kam20

    So back to our post-breakup exchange. "Oh." She said. She looked a bit surprised, perplexed, and a hint said. "You're still worried about that?" "Yeah, of course". I was stunned it wasn't on the tip of her tongue or her memory. She shook her head and gave me a 'you gotta be kidding' look. "Honestly, I don't think most women care about that stuff…"

    Here's the thing. You can say I'm being delusional or she was just "being nice". But we were together for 4 years. I knew her inside and out. She rarely ever lied and when she did – and white-lies only, I could very easily tell. I say that with all confidence. So it was by the tone of her voice and the look on her face that she wasn't kidding. She was stunned that I am still preoccupied. She didn't give it a thought after she left me.

    But I still do. She stayed with me for 4 years before it got to be too much. If she wasn't "satisfied" things would have ended sooner and differently.

  • Kam20

    But she DID leave me. Not because of her dissatisfaction, but because I was not confident, mature, or accepting. If you were with someone for 4 years and every day were told that they weren't good enough for you, that you were shallow and were intending to leave them, ( & all of the other negativity that goes with that), would you not leave as well?

    My point is the preoccupation with the shallow is more destructive than the size itself. I know there are plenty of women who WOULD reject me, but personality wise they wouldn't likely be attractive to me anyway.

    And on days like this when I'm feeling low I get scared but I think I have taught myself that my penis is not worth my life. And I am seeing my doctor tomorrow about the lump. And I am also waiting on a referral to a urologist, who in turn I will also ask about psychotherapy options. I suffered in silence for years. I let a broken heart and a hate of my own body handcuff me for a decade. But like I said, my penis is not worth my life. And a good, caring person will know this.

    Sorry for the length of this. Thanks for the platform.

    Peace, and Cheers

    • Kam20, your post moved me more than I can say. Thank you so much for sharing this painful story with such honesty and insight. I think it will be read by and comfort more people than you know.

      I am glad that you really and truly understand how a loving and generous person really feels about this issue. I hope with all of my heart that you can learn to accept yourself. You are so, so much more than your penis. Your penis is not worth your life. It is so important that you realize that and accept it. I hope and pray that all goes well with your health – and I do urge you to get that psychotherapist and work through it. If you can learn to love yourself, and even to be thankful for the surgery that may have saved your life, you will be everything that the right woman needs and wants in a man.

      • Kam20

        Thank you for your words and your rationale in a blogosphere that almost tempts hostility and childishness by its own very existence. LOL Seriously though, you are kind and I appreciate that.

        I'd like to apologize to you and your readers for a mistake I seem to have made – it was a 4-parter and part 2 didn't show up, so the bit that ended "nature AND man" doesn't flow well into "So back to" – that part of the story got lost. However, I trust the gist isn't lost on anyone.

        Part of that missing post talked about how I tried to kill myself (hence the "worth my life" wording) and how I've been in various types of therapy and have made amazing progress over the last 6 months, but that sometimes one bad day, or a comment or joke can undo that. That, I think, is the biggest part of my struggle. However I think if I can continue learning how to be stronger for those bad days rather than relapse, I can demonstrate more "manliness" than any appendage would signify. Thanks again and cheers. 🙂

        • This is my fault, or well, my site's fault. Part 2 got caught in the spam filter, idk why, and I saved it and "approved" it, but it hasn't shown up yet. I will investigate. So my comment did reflect my having read it, but I want everyone else to be able to see it too.

          I'm no therapist, but I would like to suggest that when you hear a comment or joke, you write it off as the insensitive rambling of an idiot. In fact, you might even allow yourself to feel angry and resentful. I'm not suggesting you act on that, but rather than turning the blame inward, try allocating it outward to its proper recipient. I'm sure your ex would agree that this does not need to be your problem if you refuse to let it be. Don't give credit to ignorance.

        • Kam20

          Thanks, Susan

          I'm willing to bet I triggered the spam guard by sending the multiples out one after another – probably some "30 second rule". But yes I thought afterward that it seemed that your initial response directly referenced something from part 2.

          In any case, that advice is good and very similar to what the "pros" I am working with are giving me. For life in general, I mean. My issues are many, this just happens to be in the top 3. 😉

          Cheers

  • anon

    http://www.powderroomtalk.com/the-cock-talk/

    scroll to the bottom and read the older posts too…

    this is what guys like us have to put up with…. and why there is nothing we can do about it.

    platitudes are all well and fine but we have to live in the real world.

    if kam had a 4 year relationship then he found a one in a million girl.

    if you can do it once you can do it again my friend- i know how hard it is but i hope u make it somehow.

    • This is not the real world! Can't you see that? This is a blog by a woman looking to make a quick buck. And nothing makes money like preying on men who are worried about penis size. The ridiculous article you link to is a list of biggest penises by city. As if Chicagoans have bigger penises than New Yorkers, or vice versa. It's patently ridiculous! This "data" was provided by a condom company based on their orders for custom condoms around the country.

      Stop torturing yourself! Platitudes are not helpful, and neither is this kind of disinformation. I've tried to tell it straight here as best I can.

      • anon

        its the world i live in. im 26 and trust me, this is the mind set of girls of that age on the issue.

        i thought the blog may be biased too but its a massive site on a wide variety of topics not just sex. i cant see why there would be fast bucks involved. theres a ton of helpful stuff too.

        anyhow I said scroll the bottom (unless it didnt work, click cock talk on the right)

        and did you read the external comments?

        and the other 15 articles on size?

        its overwhelming and…. one girl reacted the same way you did over too big/too small..

        so it was your reality too..

        the authors certainly told it straight. its the reality of my situation until im 6ft under.

  • Kam20

    anon – thx. I chose not to view the link you posted. No disrespect. Not trying to be naive, but – & this is the months of therapy talking – I suspect it will be more of the "all or nothing" thinking that causes way more harm than good.

    You 're so right, though – she was one in a million. For the romantic reasons. She was my 2nd fiancee. Never married. I left my first fiancee. What else is funny? They both proposed to me.

    RE: the 2 women I was with since "her": both knew what I had. One laughed at me for being silly over insecurity before, shall we say, continuing enthusiastically. The other? More than one wknd together. The lesson? I'm MY OWN biggest obstacle. I also take great care in making sure I'm only with people I have feelings for & feel safe with. I've never been rebuffed or laughed at. I also definitely don't try enough.

    Not sure if I'll "find another", but I hold out some hope to. Remember : "evidence" doesn't mean "everybody". Take Care!

  • anon

    i know… and perhaps i should change my circle of female friends…they dont help (they dont know my size)

    maybe if i move country they might have different priorities

    feel free to ignore this question but what size region are you?

    im 4-5 which if i am to beleive both sexes is beyond contempt but given you have had success I would be interested to know your approx size- if this is too dumb and intrusive just tell me where to get off- you ve every right.

    • Kam20

      I think it DOES have a lot to do with who and what one surrounds themself with. I know the phase you are in. I was there too. Last year. It looks like you're in the "the math works against me and everyone will reject me phase". And with that comes the (really negative) urge to go out and find all the information to back that up. And the urge to reject everything that anyone has to say to refute the negatives.

      I'm not having a go at you, I hope you know that. I'm saying I've been there. It's My suicide attempt failed. I don't want anyone out there to even get as far as I did.

    • Kam20

      Oh, and only thanks to web-anonymity 😉 I will answer the question…

      Size wise – well I've let myself go a bit but I'm working on fitness again. So dealing with that dreaded "fat-pack" I am essentially variant from 5-5.5 inches. My issue is lack of girth. The aforementioned surgery and stitch job left me with a constrained 4" circ. My head though is much larger than normal. It's caused me great shame, but if I can speak to my "success" it is exactly what I've already mentioned – I know who and what I'm attracted to. The shallow size-types tend to have interests and intellect levels that I'm not compatible with. I can tell when someone will be good for me. And I haven't really been that wrong. My insecurity keeps me from trying though, so that's why I put quotes areound "success". I don't try because my fears keep me from it. When I do try, I have success. But it isn't total "success". It is, however, attainable…

      Hope this helps a bit 🙂

      • anon

        Well this changes everything!!!!! the devil is in the detail!

        if you are 5.5 you are only a bit below average and you say you have a very large head!!

        this gives you length and girth!

        no wonder you have been successful.

        thats is not my situation AT ALL.

        i could slap you round the head- you have no right to complain in my book.

        im sounding harsh, and i appreciate you being candid when i asked something so personal but you are in a different place to me. Try havign 4″ girth at the widest point!

        you have it made my friend. You have been brainwashed listening to loud women or watching porn thinking 9 is normal- look at the data- it doesnt lie. Count your fine blessings

        • Kam20

          🙁 I know where you're coming from, really. I gave you a range as you did. You assumed that I'm consistently at the top end. I'm not, like any guy, but even if I say 80% of my erections are 5.25, you'd still be unhappy. & I mentioned the head not b/c of girth but that combined with scarring along my shaft I feel like a misshapen freak. I AM 4. I understand your pain even if you don't think I do. I know what you're doing, and why. Scouring the internet for information to fuel your fears and seeking a number that will be smaller -not the answer. I know, I used to intentionally look too. It's not healthy. I'm not a pro. There ARE amazing people who can help. I hope you & anyone alike will seek it as I have. I can point out other items on-line like erectionphotos site or Wessells study (says avg is 5.07 & is generally accepted to be most accurate b/c it wasn't skewed by voluntary participants), but I don't think that'd help. I know I didn't give you an answer you were looking for, but I don't believe you'll find that online. Please, consider this & take care. I mean that.

  • HasteBase

    Dear Sirs/Madams

    The problem isnt so much whats in YOUR head, its more whats in OTHERS heads;

    DONT WANT NO SMALL DICKED MAN- PEPA
    IS YOU BIG ENOUGH- RHIANNA
    NOT BIG- LILLY ALLEN
    BIGGER THAN BIG- TIME STAR
    ITS GOTTA BE BIG- TORI AMOS
    SMALLER THINGS- CHRISTINA AGUILERA

    Whats common about all these top tunes is that they are written and performed by female performers.

    If I have engaged in a conversation with a lady about this topic, or overheard a converstion with a lady about this topic it was always clear size was important. I have never in my life known of a women who didnt think a small one was a severe turn off. So some of the comments here do raise the eyebrow- I assumed that small men were simply unlucky and just had to endure the situation, just like those with any physical ailment.

  • JP

    I would like to share a story that is related to your posts, but deals with a different issue. I went to school with a guy who had gynecomastia. In other words man breasts. He certainly took his share of ridicule from other students, teachers, and others. He grew in high school to about 6ft 6 in. and 245 lbs. No one dared to make fun of his condition after this. He dated some girls but was unable to perform because of the anxiety over his condition.
    After we graduated he got the courage up to speak to his doctor about his problem. He was refered to an endocronolygist and was informed of the condition and treatment for it. Treatment being only a breast reduction surgery. He couldn’t get his insurance to pay for the surgery, so he saved and payed for it himself. The insurance company called it cosmetic surgery. The surgery was a success and he thought he could move on with life normally. But he soon learned that the surgery only treated the physical and not the mental aspects. Unable to ever feel confortable with himself he never dated after the surgery. The emotional damage had already been done. Sadly enough, a very good friend of mine committed suicide at the age of thirty one. He stated in his note that he couldn’t stand the pressure of people asking him when are you going to get married? What’s wrong with you? Are you gay? He suffured in silence until he couldn’t take anymore.
    I would like to offer advice to anyone who feels stressed about themself. Try to accept you for who you are mentally and personally. Take pride in any attributes that you can share with others. There is more to life than sex and constant worry of how you measure up to anothers standards. But, if you have trouble with this seek help from your doctor, therapist, or just a friend. Be weary of miracle cures and commercials on tv and the net. Try to remember everything on tv is not real and be cautious of how you treat others. Words can really kill…..

    • JP, thank you for this thoughtful post. Your words ring true and are very important. I respect your effort to help your nephew. Be careful about information found online. This post is only my opinion, though it is honest. However, there is much deliberate misinformation online. An MD, preferably an endocrinologist, would probably be a more reliable source.

      By the way, I deleted Poly. Desi’s rude and insensitive comment, so I took your responses to it down as well.

  • nicolastallwood@yahoo.com

    umm.. may i ask you a question? how many posts have you censored in the past year?

    are you only allowing posts from people with identical opinions?

    just curious….

    • The only two kidns of posts I have censored are those that:

      1. Appear to have a profit agenda. Many people post here and spam to sell products for penis enlargement or subscriptions for large penis porn. My spam filter caught your previous post, and it’s sitting there. To be honest, I wondered about the name Tall Wood. In the U.S. that could most definitely be a euphemism for Long Dick, which would make you a spammer. If I am incorrect, please enlighten me.

      2. Are deliberately cruel, encouraging men with small penises to disappear or die.

      As for different opinions, if you read through the thread you will see many of them that say that size matters. I have engaged in many productive debates on this thread.

  • nicolastallwood@yahoo.com

    fair enough..

    actually my name is nicola stallwood. im a london gal. any puns please direct towards my great grand parents…

    having tracked back through the comments yeah, i guess more posts argue against you than for you so fair point..

    i was basing my comment on the last few days.. consider it withdrawn..

    what do u think of the big brother thing though- you ever seen the US version

    • I haven’t heard of Big Brother, but I do know there is a new show starting here that is about a high school nerd who is reviled by girls until someone yanks his pants down and reveals his huge penis to the entire school. Apparently, this makes him the most popular guy on campus. I am curious to see if it works – it seems very far fetched to me.

      There is a popular show here on HBO called Hung, where a guy with a large penis loses his job and starts making money as a male hooker. Eh, it’s OK.

  • nicolastallwood@yahoo.com

    i saw ‘hung’ its- over here in uk, i think its dull as dish water

    and the nerd thing? i wouldnt think a big one cancels out nerdiness- sounds silly

    (no offence nerds!!)

    If you are interested in the context surrounding the issue in this country then look up Big Brother 2007 and the media coverage.

    Not only does it humiliate a guy over size for weeks it also lambasted a semi-celebrity over her ugliness. The celebrity has since died of cancer and has since been ‘revered’

    However, imortant note, despite bad ‘press’ both the ugly girl and the small guy both had relationships with attractive people after they left the show.

    • Polyamorous Desi

      Big Brother, wasn’t that the show that tried to disgrace Bollywood Starlet Shilpa Shetty but she conducted herself with the pristine decorum that Indian women are known for?

  • nicola

    yes its the very same show

    that particular year is famous for the previously mentioned deceased celebrity being accused of overt bullying and racism. (her behaviour was appalling towards Shilpa)

    Ms Shetty was praised for her poise and was one of the few to have longer term careers after appearing on the show.

    However I dont think the show was to blame. It was a reality show and those appearing were responsible for their own behaviour. It was a dire formula but I confess I was addicted for 10 years. I so miss Davina (host).

    FFS how did we get onto this?

  • I reckon the truth is that bigger ones look and feel a lot better. Small ones look awful and you cant feel much. Averge ones are… well….average.

    Most girls have their flings and get their lusts sated and out of their systems. Then they are ready to settle down with someone they can trust and love. Provided the equipment isnt too small its not the most important thing in the world.

    For those women who insist on a constant stream of romantic passion, orgsamic lovemaking etc- well, they often end up childless and alone in their 40’s. So you know, its swings and roundabouts. I say stick with the average guy as its better in the long run.

  • Littlevirginguy

    Hi I am a virgin male with a smaller sized penis. I have been worrying if a woman would ever want to be with me because I am a virgin and have a smaller penis. Would either one of these attributes cause any of you ladies to reject me.

    I have never really tried to fall in love because I am afraid that she (whoever she may be) will just ridicule me. What are your thoughts?

    Thanks,
    Littlevirginguy

    • LVG, the key here is to not fall in love with a woman who would ridicule you. Get out there and meet people. Interact with women based on initial attraction and compatibility. If a woman develops real feelings for you, and she is a woman of good values, she will not bolt due to the size of your penis. Personally, if I loved a man I could easily make it work no matter what. Honestly, if you are healthy, be grateful for that! Life is too short to be staying away from women due to anxiety over penis size. Some women might have a problem with it, some might not. But that’s no different than the odds that everyone else faces when looking for love. We’ve all got our strengths and our weaknesses. Don’t let this get in the way of a real connection with someone.

      • Littlevirginguy

        Thank you Susan for th words of encouragement. Maybe you are right. I will go out and try. Hopefully she won’t mind that I am a virgin too. Maybe she will even think it is good. Thanks a lot Susan!

        Sincerely,
        LVG

        • I wish you all the best! Just take it one step at a time if you need to, but keep moving.

  • PenisGuy

    I hope I can talk explicitly here. When I read that someone was going to kill themself because their penis is 5″ I had to respond. I’m on the small side and I don’t give a damn about it. I work out and have a lean muscular body. I’m sure there are alot of men with 7″ who would trade their penis to have my physique. Mine measures a pitiful 2″ in it’s flaccid state. I almost always have a shrivelly as if it was cold. If I can get it to hang loose (which normally only happens when I’m super relaxed after drinking alcohol) it hangs 3.5″. Erect it’s 5 inches exactly. The funny thing is that I’m an exhibitionist meaning that I love to be naked in mixed company, especially if I’m the only one naked. I have done nude modeling for art classes which involves posing on a platform completely naked with everything on display. I have also been in Playgirl magazine in the amateur section. I like going to the nude beach in Miami. The point is that I am very confident about the other 99% of my body and I get sex with women and never heard a complaint and I can tell when she has an orgasm. When her legs are quivering and she’s all moist she is not faking an orgasm. I like to get her all worked up with my tongue first and then I finish her off with my penis.

    • PenisGuy

      I think some women are turned on for having a small package and still being confident. My advice for any man having issues with their size is to look at the rest of your body. You can’t do a damned thing about your penis size but you can hit the gym and build a decent body and trust me, women will like it.

      Please do not think of killing yourself because of this. Just think what women with small breasts must feel. Your penis is hidden for the most part but women have their breasts on display all the time. I remember when I lost my virginity in high school. I was self conscious of my penis back then. When I took my pants off and she got a look at me I said “yeah, I know it’s small”. Her response was “so what, I have small boobs”.

      • Thank you, this is by far the best comment I’ve gotten on this post. What a great role model you are, and what a great attitude! You are living proof that women are much more concerned about the whole package, not just the penis! The fact that you feel good about yourself, and relate to women with confidence is the key. It really can be done.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah you say all that but I just saw a video with a sexologist Anna David and model Olivia Munn talking about size.

    They both said “size matters”. They went on and on about it. They implied all women felt this way.

    The guy above:
    1. he may be fibbing
    2. the girl he was with may be fibbing
    3. did she stay with him?
    4. small boobs can be a turn on. small dicks cannot.

  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous

    To quote:

    Anna David: “any woman who says it doesnt matter is lying to save your ego”

    “its all about the girth”

    Olivia: “I kid you not, it was so small I didnt think it would work”

    This is mainstream television. Also their website has a LOT more hits than this one. There cannot be a teenage boy in the whole of USA who cannot for one moment doubt the importance of size.

    • You can look around online and find plenty of sources like this video. You can look around in real life and find shallow women like these. Notice that these women didn’t even address whether size affects sexual satisfaction. They focused on guys with big penises being confident, and how they respond when they see a small penis. If you have a small penis you are not going to feel confident with women like this, who have seen many, many penises (and are still single).

  • Anonymous

    i think the phrase ‘its all about the girth’ is a reference to satisfaction surely. in any case these 2 have done about 50 clips for that show and anna david is now a well established relationship expert in the US.

    i have seen women talk like this time and time again, while pissed/sober and at work/socially.

    the consensus is always the same. could it be that society isnt quite the same from when you were on the scene? honestly, the clip is a totally mainstream indication of womens views in my experience.

    do you think it might be worth having some sort of survey? maybe with callers on your radio show? or a paper survey at a predominantly female work place? with questions with actual specific detail?
    because if you are right and I’m wrong such a survey should clearly indicate that?

    ps I dont think the girls in that clip have much trouble getting dates and wont have much trouble settling down.

    • It is possible, indeed likely, that society has changed dramatically in the 25 years I’ve been off the market. What has not changed is women’s bodies. That means that the change is entirely cultural. That doesn’t mean it’s not real, but it does mean that it’s not physiological. It’s cultural. We live in a society and culture where bigger is better, and everyone wants more.

      To go back to the stats, if 80% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse, what satisfaction does girth provide? I can tell you that there is a feeling of being “stretched,” but it’s not necessarily pleasurable. It’s all about the clit, and the nerve endings at the vaginal opening are minimal by comparison. I hear from a lot of young women that want to be reassured that it’s normal not to come from sex – so when you get right down to it, the size of the penis just can’t be that important to physical satisfaction. Perhaps it’s important to psychological satisfaction, i.e. bigger is better.

      FWIW, Anna David is hardly a household name. I’ve never heard of her. She looks a bit old, though, to still be on the market. Well into her 30s I would say.

  • Anonymous

    as you may have guessed im a bloke so i cant really explain why women are so hard on the smaller guy- I can only guage from womens comments. Fullness and friction has often been quoted as important and i have heard some women say they cant feel anything at all with small guys- that cant be good for either partner. I have no idea what % of women think that. All I know is small is not cool, whatever the reasons.

    If you google Anna David she is everywhere- international writer for lots of mags, several shows and web sites. generally shes quite responsible and helpful, its just in that clip she really let the small guy ‘have it’

    if she is single i suspect its out of choice- she is slim, articulate, successful and attractive. You can see why men would be interested in her opinion.

    however her sidekick olivia munn is famous for hating small guys- i found 4 clips of her critising them. I feel I can dismiss her as she is so over the top she must be a size queen. thats a different matter from the average girl.

  • BrendaJune1975

    I think its probably both physical and mental with it comes to the effect on us. Having said that, sexual attraction is mostly mental so then the mental side of things becomes the major issue.

    In that respect I agree with the Susanna, but not on the ‘shallowness’ thing. We ALL, and I mean everyone of us, select our partners on things we cant control. Sense of humour, tallness, slimness, cheekbones, whatever. Its a big difference to be a friend to someone than be a lover. I just think a below average penis might put me off, despite my best efforts not to let it. I don’t think I’m shallow though- honest maybe?

    And even if I could turn a blind eye so to speak, I dont think it could be a long term relationship because I hope to have kids and I would be very worried about a child of mine beng small if I married a smaller guy. Does that sound selfish or shallow? I’m aware smaller guys go through real anguish over this issue- I would never want an innocent child to be faced with that predicament.

    • You’re right that we can’t help who we are attracted to , which is what you’re describing here. So let’s say you fall hard for a guy and feel attracted to him in every way, before you get into his pants. Are you saying you would dump him if he turned out to have a small penis?

      If the answer is yes, you are honest AND shallow.

  • Snowdrop111

    You’re serious? You think ahead to “I don’t want to have a child with this man in case the child is small/has a small penis/gets made fun of?”

    I have never heard anything like that on Salon or Jezebel or among my friends no matter how feminist they are. The guys on this blog think they are getting passed up by hookup-culture participating girls because of characteristics like that…I have never heard a Jezzie type or Salon.com woman make quite such a calculating calculation. I think they fall in “love” and plunge right in too easily, but I have never heard a woman on a sex-positive-feminist site say something like “I couldn’t have a long-term relationship with a small guy or have his baby in case the baby inherits that trait.” Who’s the real man-haters…maybe there are different kinds of man-hating. Not wanting to have someone’s baby because of a physical characteristic like a big nose…wow… sorry I’m being mean I just hope the poster is joking. I think that’s a different kind of man-hating. Why couldn’t the guy with, say, a big nose, be a super sweet smart deserving guy who deserves a child and would bring it up with super skills and confidence like Steve Martin in Roxanne? Some people should watch Gattaca and see how emotionally messed up the super genetically perfect man was…

    • Snowdrop, I agree completely with your horrified disbelief that a woman would rule out a man if he had a physical imperfection, in hopes of having the perfect baby. Wow. As if she could control that process. For one thing, the genes for penis size will also come from her father – so she shares the responsibility. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if my husband had told me, “You’re great, and if it weren’t for your chubby thighs I could really see making a life with you. But it’s really important to me to have a daughter who looks like a supermodel, and you don’t have the right body type.”

      Selfish, shallow, and more. What this woman deserves is to marry a guy with a huge dick and then have four daughters with her imperfections.

  • Brendajune1975

    Heavens you have boh totally misrepresented my coments. I would never reject people in the way you describe. I have always looked beyond looks and been attracted to all sorts. I had a 6 year relationship with a guy with 40% burns and a non usable hand. Not that I need to justify non shallowness to you. My point was that certain things are more impactful than others. A big nose and a small penis may both be undesirable but only one effects sex and only one majorly depresses the owner. Only one is Mocked on shows or in songs etc.

    I don’t desire perfect children at all. I just think it’s tough for people with disability or who might feel or be considered inadequate in life. I would prefer to give my kids the best possible start in life. I couldn’t care less about chubby thighs or a double chin or a pot belly. But I would care about maformed limbs or underdeveloped genitals. I know genes are complicated but I read somewhere the risk is much much higher if the father is small.

    • Um, you’re just digging a deeper hole. I don’t even know where to start.

      1. Are my small feet underdeveloped? A healthy, functioning penis cannot be said to be underdeveloped, regardless of its size. A hermaphrodite has an underdeveloped penis.

      2. Who says big noses are undesirable? I can think of many sexy men with large noses. If you’re right, and they are ugly, then surely the owner would be depressed. Of course, rhinoplasty is available to those terribly afflicted souls.

      3. Many, many things affect sex, but nothing affects it more than the brains of the participants. A person’s attitude can kill the buzz or rev things up, regardless of genital size.

      4. Are you unaware that big noses have been fodder for comedy and ridicule since time immemorial? Shakespeare knew it.

      5. Why would you not care about a double chin or pot belly? Would you marry a man whose children were likely to be obese?

      You speak of giving your children the best possible genetic start, so be sure to screen for the following in your potential mates:

      Any mental health issues, including depression, ADD, narcissism, shyness.
      Very high testosterone levels, which are likely to produce aggressive behavior.
      Low sperm count.
      Moles, which put a child at higher risk for melanoma.
      Early hair loss.
      Slow metabolism.
      Allergies.
      Etc. etc.

      By the way, by the time you hit 30 your healthiest eggs are gone. The risk for birth defects rises rapidly after that.

      Good luck, I hope you get everything you want in a mate, and no genetic surprises.

      • Brendajune1975

        Many women would baulk at discovering a very small penis on a prospective partner. I would also be put off by an STD and a criminal record. I am not shallow. at all.

        An underdeveloped penis is one which is small. if you put certain chemicals into pregnant rats their infants have smaller phalli.

        I don’t care about nose size personally.

        All the other traits you mention wouldn’t bother me because there are medical or educational solutions for them or they simply aren’t a big deal for most people. most women wouldn’t rule out a guy with hair loss or asthma. That really would be shallow.

  • justin

    I found all the responses quite interesting, and was hopping to leave a comment of my own. I must admit I’m on the bigger side, but not huge or anything. I have been with fair share amount of women and I have noticed size matters to about 50% of them. I usually hear something along the lines of, “I don’t want too big or too small”. Which leads me to believe that if your in the 5 to 6 range your fine. I would also like to point out to some of you guys worried when you hear a girl mention about a previous hook-up or boyfriend being bigger than 8 inches, 9 times out of 10 she’s exagerating. It’s extremely rare for man to be 9 inches or bigger. Even the biggest porn stars are nomore than 9 inches. The lighting and camera angles generally make them look alot bigger than what they are. If I could find the link I will post it. Though after reading a survey lifestyles condoms did a few years back on penis size, i felt really good about myself. The survey done shown that 80% of men are between 5-7 inches, with 10% being below that and 10% being above that.

    So in conclusion, if your average you have nothing worry about. You are not alone, 80% to 90% of guys fall within the same category. Just remember, guys lie about their penis to girls and girls tend to exagerate and believe the guys lie.

    • Justin, thanks for this frank talk about your own experience. I agree that there’s a lot of exaggeration and lying that goes on – also women will put down a guy’s size to get revenge or control in a relationship. If a woman volunteers the information that you are small, or that her previous partner was bigger, dump her.

  • penisguy

    Wow, we can’t have a baby with a big nose or a small penis now could we? I really want to be angry over the perfect genes comments. I have a 12 month old nephew that looked perfect when born but 7 days later we learned that he had holes in his colon and was rushed in for emergency surgery and nearly died. Those are the kind of genetic problems that you should worry about, not nose or penis size. BTW my nephew is fine now thanks to some great doctors.
    My 1st girlfriend had a big nose but it did not bother me one bit. That was just a physical trait that was part of her looks. Why did large noses become undesirable? I met a young actress once who has a large nose but she’s cute as a button. Her name is Vanessa Lengies if you want to google her.

  • penisguy

    I forgot to add, I wonder if some “hostility” towards small men is due to insecurities some women obviously feel regarding their breast size. I really hate to think that women go through the same thing. I am against women getting boob jobs just to please a man. If your breasts aren’t huge but you have everything a man wants then you will not have problems finding a mate. I don’t require a Playboy centerfold. A normal height and weight proportional woman is fine. If I could date any actress/model/ or other celebrity based on looks I think I would choose Natalie Portman. She’s hardly busty but she looks like a real person and not a cosmetic surgery experiment.

    • This is an interesting point. Women are notorious for being self-conscious about their bodies. In part, this is because we know that men are very visual in their attraction, and that we can’t really make up for a flat chest, for example, with “a great personality.”

      On the other hand, women who are relationship material will view a man through many different lenses. Sexual compatibility is one important factor. For some, that may mean that size is an issue, though it shouldn’t be from a physiological point of view. A woman who has it in her mind that she “deserves” a big penis – well let’s just hope she winds up with a big dick.

  • daneel

    this is a brilliant thread on this subject. So many angles on the problem.
    When I am at my most distressed, the only thing now that calms me is diving into this thread and trying to absorb ALL of the facts about penis size and sexuality, in particular my penis size and sexuality.

    I am suffering/experiencing PTSD and OCD right now, every minute of every day, awake or asleep. It is a result of childhood sexual trauma, current sexually based emotional trauma from the relationship I am in, possible sexual identity issues (I’m guessing and self-diagnosing on that last one :}).

    I’m with a woman, a beautiful, intelligent woman who was with a big guy. Tall, big, confident, attractive and had a child with him. He was an abuser. In every way, yet my lady has described him as huge and amazing sexually. She has told me way too much about their sex lives, and sex with quite a few other guys, positions, situations, feeling proud she could handle his size…christ, so much information, conflicting and painful, running around in my head. I could write for an hour about what I have been told and subjected to in this relationship.

    It feels like some impossible test that I have been given.

    How crap and pathetic will I feel then, if I give up on my lady, her little girl and leave, because of my inability to cope.

    She went through, yes, a lot of excitement, but she went through hell with the disgusting sexual abuse, and intense emotional abuse. And if I leave she will, and has told me, that she would feel like she is being punished for having gone with him, because of his size and height and narcissistic bullshit, and punished for suffering PTSD or stockholm syndrome or whatever.

    Anyway, the result?…… a LESSON FOR ALL WOMEN.

    It’s not just a dick ladies. It’s a part of us that defines us. By society’s rules.

    I know that women can’t understand how most of are affected. I envy the man who is not.

    That’s my story. Can anyone help me to be ok?

    • Daneel, it sounds like you are with a woman who is still reeling from her experiences of abuse, and she is making you feel terrible about yourself. She needs to stop talking about her ex. Period. It is completely unacceptable for anyone to offer sexual comparisons to a previous partner.

      I hear how difficult this is for you – I urge you to get some outside perspective on how out of whack this is. You describe experiencing emotional trauma and confusion about your sexual identity – you owe it to yourself to figure this stuff out, and you can’t do it alone. You also probably can’t do it with her.

      I am a big believer in therapy, and I think that a therapist CAN help you to be OK. I have found therapy helpful at various times. It’s a source of objective expertise – something you desperately need right now.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks Susan, I know that the way all of this has happened in this relationship is really wrong. I’m assuming I have some sexual identity issue because I am now obsessed with size. I don’t like men in that way, by the way, I just can’t get these thoughts of inadequacy out of my head.
        My partner talked AGAIN the other day about a sexual encounter she had with some guy in an exciting situation. She can’t stop and thinks that because she has a flippant attitude to sex, that I shouldn’t be bothered by her talking about it.

        It’s all so screwed up Susan. I want to leave, but I want to stay, if you know what I mean.

        I’m in so much pain. Constant pain. I’ve been to therapy (as much as I could afford) and it made no difference.

  • Brendajune1975

    I made a detailed rebuttal to these recent posts yesterday. I saw it appear on the blog but I now notice its vanished. Is it awaiting moderation?

    • Sorry, I was away for three days. I don’t know what happened there – I don’t see the comment. If you want to try resubmitting, I’ll keep an eye out.

  • Snowdrop111

    In that movie Gattaca, there is a piano player with six fingers on each hand. In concert, he plays a piece that can only be played with six fingers on each hand. I know it’s fiction…but the movie makes some good points.

  • daneel

    Snowdrop. That made me laugh. So out of context it cracked me up.

    What does a six-fingered pianist have to do with this thread?

    • I think Snowdrop is saying that someone who was perceived as “defective” wound up playing beautiful music, in part because of his anomaly. No reason that couldn’t apply to sex.

  • leonard

    I’ve read through every single comment and my emotions have ran with it like a wave. I am a highly analytical and numerical kind of guy. Was a typical unsocial geek type with the opposite sex till about 17-18. Lost my V at about 19.5.

    I have developed what one would describe as an obsession with my penis size and I think it’s known as small penis syndrome. I am 5’8, good looking and athletic but do have insecurity issues that affect my confidence. What is the one thing that can affect a man’s confidence? Yep you guessed it, his penis. I don’t care what anyone says, all other things being equal, if you are well-endowed then you will ooze security and confidence and it will create a cycle of endless possibilities with the ladies and should transpire into everyday life.

    Don’t get me wrong, Susan, I love your topic and comments on this blog but size matters. You are looking at a guy who gets told he is attractive and should be out there playing the field but refuses to do so due to shame at his penis size. It’s turned into a serious issue which has caused depression and anxiety which is something I already am pre-disposed to and have suffered from so it’s a fuel to the fire.

    There are a squillion sites talking about average penis size and all of them are all over the place. I feel for those men out there who are under 3 inches (micropenis) and wonder why God (if he exists) could be so cruel. They say all men are equal well the one thing that is always a visual display of masculinity in men is not equal. If there was a default penis size for an adult male of 7.5 inches length and 6 inches girth +/- 0.25 inches then life would be just fine for mankind.

    Hell even if you look at the range of height for the typical male it ranges from 160cm to 215cm whereby I’d say 99% of men fit into. Well if you extrapolate that down to penis size then the range would be 6-8 inches or 35%. Well if 99% of men fell into the range of 6-8 for penis size as they do for height then even that would be fine. If I was “The Creator” I’d have had some %^&*%^ commonsense!

    And please, no woman should say “well in that case God should’ve made sure women were between a C-DD cup” because I don’t care how picky you are as a man, if you are heterosexual and you see a beautiful sexy woman laying in bed with flat A-cup breasts you WILL be having sex with her 100%.

    I am 27 yrs old but have consigned to the fact I don’t want to get married and have children for fear of passing my size (or lack of) to them. I am a scorpio with a raging sex drive who knows exactly how to please a woman with my hands and tongue and knows all her hot spots but refuse encounters with my lack of confidence/self-esteem purely and simply because of my size.

    So, what is my size you ask?

    I am 5.75″ long and a measly 4.25″ thick. Even then I wonder how one is to measure the pens. Is the tape measure meant to wrap around the girth tightly or just enough to complete a full circle? Do you press the ruler/tape into the pubic bone or just lightly to where the base meets the skin?

    With or without that measuring criteria I am 5.5-5.75″ long and 4.25 thick give or take

    They say “average” is 5-6″ long and 4.5-5″ thick. Other studies have put “median” or middle size at 5.65″ long and 4.85″ thick.

    Gee it feels great to only be in the 50th percentile of penis length and in the 20th percentile of girth. I mean seriously 4.25 inches thick is about 11cm it is nothing.

    And whilst an above average 5.5 inch girth is “ONLY” 3cm difference well in the context of circumference it’s a massive difference.

    Heck I’d even be happy, no make that OVER THE MOON if I was even an inch longer at 6.5-6.75″ but an 1.25 inches thicker at 5.5″. It would change my whole life but of course I’m talking if’s, could’s and but’s and there’s nothing I can do about but wallow in my sorrow at getting the short and thin straw, literally.

    Don’t give me any nonsense of how 4.25″ girth is in the average range of 4-5 inches and that women can get off on 2 fingers. The fact is, women want to be fill up and good ol’ pencil **** isn’t going to do much. I know this because everytime i’ve had sex with a girl (only 4 partners in my life – lame I know) I couldn’t feel a thing, I couldn’t feel and clenching or friction or tightness against their vaginal walls.

    This would have to be one of the most detailed accounts you could find of how life is like with a short, thin penis. If you managed to read this all then kudos.

    • Leonard, seriously, you are letting something ruin your life that should not be an issue. First of all, describing your penis as short is RIDICULOUS! Do you know how many guys on this thread would be thrilled to have 5.75 inches? Secondly, I had to go get a tape measure and look at 4.25 inches, which I did. Big deal. Yes, I’d say that’s on the thinner side of what I’ve seen, but in my experience, it’s not a dealbreaker, or even worth much consideration! You are foregoing sex because of your own insecurities, but do you have any idea how many women would love to meet a good-looking guy to love, and would be thrilled with your penis? How do guys get soooooooooo derailed on this issue?

      It’s interesting that you mention height. At 5’8″ your penis will look relatively larger than the same penis on a guy who is 6’2″. Your penis sounds like a good size for a man your height. Please check my comment below for more info.

      As for what women want, I would agree that we like to feel filled up. The question is, what does it take to accomplish that? The walls of the vagina are very muscular and automatically adapt to whatever is inside it. We can hold a tampon firmly in place for hours, and we can stretch to give birth. Fingers do feel good, and so do penises. Have you ever noticed how many vibrators are much smaller than the typical penis?

      It makes no sense that you couldn’t feel anything during sex – I would imagine this has to do with your own anxiety. NO vagina is larger than a penis 4.25 inches wide. And women don’t stretch out permanently from sex, though it can happen from repeated childbirth. You should feel a tightness, a snug feeling, in any vagina you enter. Clenching is different – a woman who does Kegels might clench in a way that you can feel, and if she comes during intercourse (unlikely without manual stimulation to the clit) then you’ll feel muscles contract. Otherwise, you wouldn’t experience clenching at all.

      You need to go out and f*ck ten women. Just get it over with. You are your own worst enemy, and you are letting this dictate your life. You’re miserable, when I swear there is no reason in the world that you can’t drive a woman crazy in bed. This is an insane waste.

      • brian

        Well if that is all true then why have I heard many a women say they couldnt feel anything with ‘such and such a guy’. They can with most guys, just not the odd small one.

        Vibrating dildos-for the clit are thin BUT non vibrating ones. for penetration, are really thick- just go into any sex store. Read the websites on usage. Thick dildos are the ones that sell. That must be true cos they wouldnt waste profits on stuff no one buys!! Thats right isnt it!!

        I just dont know what to beleive! why would all those women lie?? If 4.25 is on the thinner side…..I just dont know!

        • I don’t know why women say that. It’s total BS. As I say below, most of the nerve endings are in the clit, some are at the vaginal opening, which is stimulated by touch to the surface as much as penetration. That’s the science. Women who say otherwise are not being honest, I don’t know what else to tell you. All I can think is that some women are totally hung up on the cultural Bigger is Better aspect. But not feeling anything? That’s her problem, not his, regardless of penis size. My advice would be to find a woman who isn’t focused on penis size – a real red flag if ever there was one. How about finding a woman who hasn’t seen dozens of penises!

          I can’t explain the sale of huge dildos. I don’t crave one at all! Furthermore, I have heard lots of men say they resent the introduction of dildos into sex play, as they are often larger than the guy himself. It’s demeaning. Like, gee I’m not big enough, so let’s pull out this plastic toy….

          I’ll tell you this: I hear from a lot of young women, and they are into vibrators that stimulate the clit, not dildos. Women do like the feeling of having a penis inside them, it’s true, but honestly, we can sense a penis in there, but the friction is all for you men! We really can’t feel it except at the opening.

          The best sex is when two people are really into each other, and have established a foundation of intimacy. Once you’ve got that, sex can happen a bunch of different ways. I maintain my belief that penis size just isn’t that important, though I acknowledge that some women feel differently. However, it’s crucial to differentiate the questions of what women want physically vs. culturally.

        • leonard

          I know you’re going to say not to watch porn but I’m talking in terms of amateur videos uploaded on “xxx youtube” sites and whatnot and alot of them are anonymous and don’t show many full faces due to being discreet. Well, in those videos, along with the professional ones, the dildos women are penetrating themselves with are EASILY 5.5″ in girth and the women handle it with relative ease. If she then penetrates herself with a dildo in the shape of my 5.5 x 4.25 I’m sure the feeling would be less adequate.

          I know you are doing what you believe in strongly and your opinions are very real and I appreciate your views. But I just feel that you represent a minority of what is REALLY thought by women or maybe you are trying to be too nice to appease all the men. Hey I’m no model but I aint ugly and if you saw my pics or me in person you’d classify me as fairly attractive (without sounding overly stuck up and arrogant). But the reason why I don’t go to clubs and go out hooking up with 10 women to get over with is because this size issue has ruined my self esteem and I come across as wussy and undesirable. Regardless of whether I’m fit and “Hot”.

          Also Susan, finding a woman who hasn’t seen dozens of penises is nigh on impossible. How is one to know? How would I know if a decent girl I like wasn’t a sl*t in her college party days?

          That NBC statistic on sexual partners is GROSSLY incorrect. The average in most western countries would be around about 8 for guys and 8-10 for girls and if the girl was one from my generation well by age 30 she’d have on average (whether mean or median average) 10-15 partners. The median for guys would be less if you exclude those paying for sex via hookers and lying to inflate numbers. You’ll find a small # of guys sleeping with a large # of girls (probably due to confidence about size giving them some swagger).

          cheers.

        • OK, I don’t want to argue – I don’t have anything personally invested in this issue. Let me just make a few points.
          .

          1. Men who film themselves having sex and upload the footage are self-selected, and are obviously proud of their package. They are not average in size for the most part.
          .

          2. Women can handle penises or objects of almost any width with ease. The vagina stretches easily to accomodate. However, the vagina is very elastic. When it’s empty, the vaginal canal is not a round, hollow passage – it’s prolapsed flat. It only changes shape when something enters it, and will snugly hug a penis of any size. For a woman, there isn’t much difference in the feeling up inside there – so adequacy is not a factor. Btw, as I mentioned in the post, most vaginas are 4 inches long. A long penis ramming against the cervix is quite painful.
          .
          3. I do only offer one opinion. Though I’ve researched the issue, I’m not a science professional. I’m just trying to offer an honest appraisal of the issue, something that I feel is very hard to come by in the media. FWIW, all this focus on size has really come about in the last 25 years or so. When I was in my 20s we never focused on this.
          .
          4. The young women I hear discuss size are coming at it from a cultural standpoint. They’re not talking about what feels good, just about seeing a guy whip out a huge dick. That is still a powerful cultural force, so perhaps it doesn’t matter what the reason is. But I think it’s important that men understand they can please a woman even with a small penis. However, to do that, you have to be willing to risk using it!
          .
          5. Many women aren’t sluts in college. This blog has hundreds of posts – you should check some of them out re meeting new people. I recently wrote one that focuses on meeting people in places other than bars and clubs. You need to go to wholesome places to meet wholesome women:

          http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/05/15/hookinguprealities/57-ways-to-meet-the-love-of-your-life/

          Good luck.

    • Justin

      I will be honest with you Leonard, because it seems like thats what your looking for most. Size does matter to some girls, and as a guy on the above average/big scale, even I had doubts in my size growing up. You hear girls say 9, even 10 inches is what their used to. Yet, when I asked a few to grab a ruler and take a look at how big that really is. They all responded with something along the lines of “God damn, I would never put anything even close to that big in me”. Then after seeing how rare it is for a guy to have anything bigger than 8 inches, I felt on top of the world at 7 and a half inches.

      As far as your concerns go, they are very legit. Unless your guy, you really can’t understand how important size is to us. I too would like to be just a little bigger, even though I rank highly size wise on girls size preference surveys. The truth is, most girls do like their guys to be above average. Though if you gave most girls a choice of below average or huge, I would bet alot of money on below average to win from what I read. You would be shocked to know how the other half live. Guys who have the huge penises. They have it just as hard as guys with small penises. Alot of them seek other men for sexaul satisfaction, cause the majority of girls run for the hills when they see what he’s packing.

      If I had to give you some advice, stay away from sluts. Seek out a good girl whose only been with a few partners and doesn’t give a shit about penis size. You would be surprised to know I was turned down twice by two petite women, because they said like smaller sized guys and wouldn’t even give me a shot because I was too big for them. So while their are some girls that like a big penis, their are still some that feel more comfortable with less size. Trust me buddy, give it a shot. Now from experience and from what I read. Girls with a wide ass and wide hips, generally are deeper. So maybe try going after women with a slim frame, you might those type of girls have a tighter fit for you.

      This is for all guys concerned about their size and ability to please a woman. After lots of practice and trial and error. I can honetly say size don’t matter too much in the bedroom. Though I will say a decent amount of women get turned on by bigger size penis, their eyes tend to get wider when you first pull it out. Though after that first night of sex or first couple times , that goes away. Now down to the actual sex. As Susan pointed out earlier in the thread, fingers can get the job done just as well as penis. Sometimes even better, why you ask? Cause they can target the g-spot alot better than a penis because of the angle. Now here is what I do in the bedroom to get a girl off. You need to remember to angle you penis at an upward angle, and to push against the g-spot. Women go crazy when you do this, cause it builds the pressure needed to give her an orgasm. It’s the build up if you will. Now to turn it up a notch, switch it up. Start off by going slowly in out, then speed it up, then finish with the g-spot, and repeat. You can have a 4 inch penis or 8 inch penis, and you will probably achieve the same results.

  • leonard

    Actually I reckon 99.9% of men fall into the range of 160cm to 215cm in height or 5’3 to 7’1 in the old scale not 99%

    • P.S. If you’re watching porn, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Guys watch it to get off, and they only wind up freaking out at all the big dicks.

      • Athlone McGinnis

        Oh don’t worry too much about that issue Susan. As a seasoned viewer(like I said, I don’t get out much) I have no such problems. This might be because I don’t have any size issues personally, though I suspect that anyone who uses some common sense while looking should be able to put insecurities aside.

        If you do have size issues, though, porn can actually help you out-all you have to do is go outside of the mainstream Vivid/Jenna Jameson type stuff(which is easy for me because I usually don’t like it). Watch some Japanese Adult Video(JAV) material. You’ll feel MUCH more confident once you see what those guys are packing(hint: in many cases significantly less than you leonard, and I’m not trying to make a racist joke either-I’m dead serious). Throw in some plain amateur non-professional type material(which consists of average guys not selected for size like pros) and you ought to be ok.

        Of course, Susan’s plan to just go out and get some women is probably your best option. My strategy up there is only for the scenario in which you don’t attract one instantl.

  • I have come across some new information that you may find interesting and useful. The first is an article, For Men, It Really IS the Size That Counts:

    http://scienceblogs.com/neurotopia/2009/04/friday_weird_science_for_men_i.php

    What I found most interesting was the finding that men who feel insecure about their size, when asked to say what average is, quote the size that is actually in the 95th percentile.

    Also, some interesting facts about the vagina:

    The clitoris has 8,000 densely packed nerve endings – about the same number as a penis, but in a much smaller package, obvs.
    The clitoris extends inward into the body a few centimeters from the small “bean” that is visible.
    The internal walls of the vagina have almost NO nerve endings.
    The vaginal opening contains 90% of the vagina’s nerve endings, but a small number compared to the clit.

    So, here’s what I conclude (again) re female sexual satisfaction:

    1. It’s all about the clit.
    2. Length is IRRELEVANT to physical pleasure. WE CANNOT FEEL YOUR PENIS IN OUR CANAL BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE NERVE ENDINGS THERE.
    3. Girth may play a role in stretching out the vaginal opening more, thereby potentially increasing nerve sensation.

  • Problem Solved

    I’m about to say something that might be TMI, just like Leonard….

  • leonard

    Hi Susan,

    You referenced that article and the 3rd point basically justified what I’m saying. Girth is important (provided you are 6 inches long). A girth of 4.25 inches/11cm is not good enough. I am a 27 yr old scorpio who could easily have had 15+ partners but resort to forced celibacy and masturbation over porn due to this size.

    Heck if I was an 8 x 6 I’d be a porn star. I love pleasing a woman but just have no “game” to actually get a woman in bed. I’d spend hours and hours just making love, as I have with my past girlfriends.

    Speaking of past girlfriends I have a story about each of them regarding my size. Note, this has nothing to do with why im so down on my size. I’m down on my size because it is smaller than average.

    Girl 1 – (no sex) I was 18 and was dating a 16 yr old, my first g/f. We messed around with some PG-13 on top of the clothes stuff, suckling breasts, hand jobs. You know what she said when she first saw my penis… “is that it?” You know what she said to a girlfriend of mine 3 years later? “I wouldn’t expect too much from him if you know what I mean”. You know what she said to my best friend? “His **** is so thin it’s like I’d be ****ing a branch.”
    When we broke up and fought she said to me, “I wouldn’t marry you anyway. I wouldn’t marry a needle **** man.”

    Girl 2 – sex regularly. She would have major clitoral orgasms and from oral. She said to me that when I make love to her she can’t feel anything inside, and would never even moan it was almost like it was going through the motions

    Girl 3 – said to me we should experiment with different people, this is a long term relationship telling me this! Her close friend spilt the beans on the stuff she told her that we’d do between the sheets. She’d say how I was great at oral and would last for hours in bed. But she also said that my ex felt I was “too small for her vagina”.

    My other girlfriend would love it when I’d put 3 fingers in her she hardly got wet but she really got off on that. When we had sex? Nothing, no feeling at all.

    What am I supposed to believe? That all my grilfriends were loose or hoes? Or that it’s me that’s the problem?

    Regards. Len.

    • justin

      I’m sorry to hear how bad these girls have treated you. I too hear about size alot from girls, most telling me how big past BF’s are. I’m not going to lie, I like hearing I’m the biggest or one of the biggest they ever had. Though truth be told, my size has almost nothing to do with my performance in the bedroom. Almost every girl I got off, was me hitting the g-spot and pressing on it with my dick inside them. It doesn’t take much size at all to do either. I think alot of women in their 20’s equate greater size to more pleasure, which is false. I truly believe the only thing a bigger penis can do for a women, is to excite them more visually before the act itself. Some have stupidly claimed my size is what made them orgams so much, but I know it wasn’t.

      I must admit Leonard, I dont envy you at all. Yes, if I was in your position my confidence would be missing in my game. Which is probably the most attractive thing a guy could have to a woman. Though if I were in your place, I would look for a nice good girl whose maybe a virgin. At least that way, she won’t be so judgemental towards you. I wish you the very best, and I can’t imagine what you go through on a daily basis.

  • leonard

    Also, here’s my theory on female genitalia and hot spots. Based on several different research studies.

    I believe that the clitoris isn’t just the “pea” one can see on the outside. Some can be the size of a pea, some can be as big as an unshelled peanut. I believe it extends to the inside of the vagina and that (as you mentioned) those closer to the vaginal opening are easier to orgasm from intercourse.

    I also believe the clit extends in a horseshoe shape around the vulva and vaginal opening. As this paper mentioned and you too. I think women all have a g-spot in the form of the urethral sponge and it’s on the front wall where the pubic bone is, about 2 inches in and up. I think the ejaculation and orgasm is from stimulating the inner part of the clitoris or the one which extends into the vagina.

  • 70David@hotmail.com

    Dear Leonard,
    I’m so sorry to read of what you have gone through. Thats really poor and crude of those girls and indicative how badly both sexes behave towards each other.
    Its difficult to gauge how old you are but am I right in assuming you are in your early 20’s, perhaps in college?
    From anecdotal evidence or things I have witnessed, I think a lot of this humilation takes place in this age group. It must be horrific for the victims- really awful.
    I went to college in the late 80’s and size was talked about a bit but more by men than women. I work as a counsellor now on a campus and its astonishing how often this is talked about now but almost exclusivley by women- a real cultural shift in the past 20 years.
    For that reason I would tell people to take heed of Susans advice and tell ‘smaller’ guys to avoid that ‘type’ of woman. So I think delaying sex till after college is the safest bet. It avoids the college grapevine and hopefully a maturer girl will be less judgmental. I know thats not ideal but its a delay of only 3 years, there is always your trusty right hand and its disease free! Joking aside we have had some guys plunged into awful depressions over this issue. We had to close our confidential helpline because anxiety on the issue jammed the lines. Its become something of a western pandemic.

    • David, thanks so much for leaving this comment. Honestly, it’s like a voice of reason in the wilderness. I fend off so many comments from salesmen and size queens. I appreciate hearing from a mental health professional.

      I especially appreciate hearing how this really is cultural. If a man with a small penis can sexually please a woman it’s a matter of sexual compatibility, which is something we all seek and test with a potential partner. I fully understand the physiological piece – there are no barriers to women’s sexual satisfaction based on penis size. It’s the cultural piece that’s clearly wreaking havoc with young men, though. I don’t know what the answer is – it seems to feed on itself in a very destructive way. Some of the clips I’ve seen of women discussing this in the media are horrendous – overtly cruel. What kind of a person is so shallow and callous?

      It really is about getting out and interacting, pursuing one’s interests and meeting new people, in my view. Let relationships form and happen and be messy in all the usual ways before jumping into bed. Young men today, regardless of size, seem paralyzed with performance anxiety, IF they are lucky enough to even have sex. It seems that in college a minority of males get the majority of sex. But that’s another post – one I’ve written several times over!

  • Jess

    Dear Susan/David/Leonard
    Right, big sigh here. Im going to post this. I dont know if Susan is going to censor this or let it stand. Susan, if you do delete it, I hope you can take on board just a litttle of an alternative view.
    Any bit of gossip, from whoever is going to have a ‘target’. A girl with bad hair, a girl with a big arse, a girl who is up herself, a boy who cant dance, the nerd, the geek, the guy with the small weiner etc. Its human nature. Can any of us really say that in their life they have never made any unkind comment about another. Not even as a child? Or drunk? Or because you were letting off steam?
    The girls mentioned previously are not shallow, or cruel or horrible or bad people. They are average Joes endulging in bog standard gossip. I remember a college story of a girl who had diahhorea mid coitus on a one night stand. Everyone knew that story I can assure you and who she was. Mortifying… but thats life.
    Susan, you seem to have a lot of guilt about rejecting that handsome guy with the small unit years back. Please dont beat yourself up about it. If, when undressing you had revealed a 3rd nipple for example, perhaps it would have been him rejecting you and not the other way around. Sexual atttraction is just one of those things. Sometimes a ‘defect is a deal breaker’, sometimes it aint.

    But there is nothing wrong in being honest. A white lie is a lie all the same.

    The othe issue is the physical aspect. I sent your link to a few friends of mine and they all made the same point about the thickness argument. You would have to admit there is precious little evidence on this blog of female posters saying it doesnt matter. The only one who came close to agreeing with you was a girl called Rebeka and even she said she couldnt feel much with a thin one.

    Do you see what I’m driving at? If a girl doesnt mind, she doesnt mind. If a girl does, she does. Insulting either one of them just doesnt make any sense.

    Feel free to edit this before submitting if thats your preference. Jess.

    • Jess, I’m happy to let your comment stand. It’s honest and thoughtful. It’s OK to say what you prefer. To be honest, I’ve written hundreds of posts – and my readers know that I welcome constructive criticism. This post is unique, and I do feel protective of my readership. I don’t mind people speaking honestly about what they prefer, but I don’t want any comments that are mocking or dismissive. This is a very sensitive issue for many men. It causes depression, and there’s even been one suicide threat on this thread. I feel responsible for keeping a respectful tone.

  • Jess

    Hi, Thanks for allowing it to stand. I do understand your desire to be supportive and the respectful tone is something we would all do well to aspire to.

    Sometimes when people express a preference or aversion to something, those who dont posess the perceived desirable trait get pretty angry and then the debate can descend into a flame war.

    As long as every side is heard and respected then I think thats a cool thing. J

  • anon
  • Anonymous

    does anyone know why I can’t see the whole thread any omre, and only the last half dozen posts?

    • With over 300 comments, the thread is very long. You should be able to click on “Older Comments” at the bottom and it will take you back to the beginning eventually!

  • anon
  • anon

    mmm the last 4 were from me. I did wonder how long they would last.

    so on on serious note, what would you say to the clips? all very different, all pretty emphatic

    are they representative?, fair?, unfair?, hostile?, humane?

    • Are you aware that one of those clips was sponsored by a penis extender site? I didn’t bother to view the other three. This is not a repository for humor about small penises, and I don’t know why you think this contributes anything to the discussion. If you want to discuss the topic at hand, fine, otherwise you’re just a troll and I’ll delete you.

  • anon

    No I wasnt aware of that- I thought I had screened for that. Can I ask which one? Surely not the Lily allen one?

    Can I urge you to at least watch the other 3. It conveys subtleties I cant really put into words. Thats why i sent the links

  • Brodoman

    ABC News
    Would you wish to argue with 2 scientists?

    7. Does Size Matter?
    America is a country obsessed with size. From big buildings to big cars to big muscles, Hollywood has shown us that all American males want to measure up — and that includes measuring up “south of the border,” so to speak.

    “Men have been assured that size doesn’t matter, women have been told that they only have feeling in the first two inches of their vagina,” said Joy Davidson, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist.

    But according to Davidson, size DOES matter. “We’ve all been sold a bill of goods about sex and now it’s time to tell the truth,” she said.

    According to Davidson, the notion that size doesn’t matter ignores the anatomical facts. “The reason size matters is very simply that women do have nerve endings deep inside the vagina,” she said.

    Evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher agrees, and adds length isn’t the only measure that matters.

    “When women tell you that size doesn’t matter, they’re either lying to you or they’re lying to themselves. Or they haven’t had very much experience. It’s one of those three. Because size does matter,” Fisher said.

    And a woman we spoke with agreed. “Length is a biggie but you gotta have the girth with it, it’s the combo really. Got to have it all,” she said.

    And that’s why there’s a billion-dollar penile-enlargement industry, selling pills, potions and other products that all say they can make a man larger. But experts say there’s no evidence any of these products work.

    So it seems men — and the women they love — must live with what nature provided them.

    • Interesting. I have read on mainstream medical sites that there are literally no nerve endings deep in the vagina. FWIW, as a woman who happens to own one, I can confirm this. Second, I have enormous respect for Helen Fisher. Could you please provide the link so that I can check out her remarks?

  • brodoman

    I got the quotes from a pdf file of her book

    “The Sex Contract”

    But excerpts can be had from a TV interview from 10 years ago and 2 other books touch on the issue:

    anotomy of love
    the 1st Sex

    Its true there are more nerves near the entrance and compartively less deep in.
    However its also true there are more nerves on your palms than on your shoulder.
    this doenst mean your shoulder has no sensation.
    If you were to experiment with a wide dildo (not vibrator) you would certainly feel a great deal deep in.

    • The only thing a woman can feel deep in is her cervix getting rammed, and it’s exceedingly painful. There is some thought that what scientists thought was the g-spot, is really just an area, that bumps up against an area that is similar to the male prostate. The vaginal orgasm is a myth. No woman can come from deep penetration. Orgasm CAN occur from wide penetration IF the clitoris is closer than 1 and 1/8 inches from the vaginal opening. In other words, the friction at the vagina will pull down on the clitoral hood, but only if it’s close enough. It’s thought that fewer than 20% of women are close enough for that to occur. That’s why 80% of women don’t come via intercourse. Direct clitoral stimulation is needed.

      Honestly, I keep repeating all of this information throughout this thread. It may be time to close the comments, lest it become an endless loop of the same info with different readers. If you go back and read through the comments, you’ll find many links and much data.

  • anon

    Another good sexologst is Laura Berman:

    “Laura Berman said that for the most part, women’s vaginas go back to their original size after they give birth. If you have cutting or injuries during your pregnancy, then your vagina can potentially become a different size. The main factor in making your vagina big or small is muscles – so kegel exercises are of course a great idea.

    Dr Oz took out the purple gloves to examine a vagina. The back of the vaginal wall is thin and flexible, compared to the uterus walls, which are thick. The uterus can expand a lot, and so can your vaginal wall, but they collapse back afterwards. Laura Berman said to try transverse abdominal exercises, which are core exercises such as yoga, pilates, and golf, in addition to kegel exercises.

    Another example is that the vagina is only 3-4 inches, but it can expand to accommodate a penis up to 9 inches.”

    • The vagina is elastic, which is why it can securely hold a tiny tampon, or grip a large penis. Width is obviously not a problem, but women regularly complain that a penis longer than 7 inches is painful if the man pushes in all the way.

  • Lord

    That cant be right. My women loves it deep, and stimulating the clitoris somewhat too much for her (cant stand it if it long enough). I even got her off just by deep touching her….
    >_>