We really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size. I’ve gathered a critical mass of anecdotal evidence that tells me the problem is getting worse. Of course, guys worrying about the size of their junk is nothing new. Studies have always shown that many men are dissatisfied with their own package. And hookup culture rewards a large penis – if you’re in it for one night, the bigger the guy, the better the story. (Please note that I did not say “the better the sex.”) Study after study reveals that women don’t really care very much about penis size. To the extent that they discuss it with their friends, they are falling victim to the same cultural conditioning that has so many guys feeling anxious and inadequate.
Why should women care how men feel about their penises? Because it affects male self-esteem, which in turn affects the way guys treat women. I have recently heard a rash of stories of well-endowed guys behaving especially badly. Like having a big dick gives them license to act like a jerk. Certainly the women I’ve spoken to are convinced that well-hung guys display self-confidence, even arrogance. But I have never heard a woman say that penis size is a factor in choosing a boyfriend. That begs the question about the 90% (or more) of guys whose penises are just fine, but nothing extraordinary. Are they less inclined to make moves? Is this a case of Nice Guys With Normal Dicks finish last?
Here’s my honest take on what women want in a prick:
1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.
In a 2005 internet survey, 63% of men said that their worries started with childhood comparisons. That means boys looking at each other in a limp state in the locker room. Here’s the truth about women and flaccid peens:
- Almost always, by the time the penis appears to us it’s ready for play. We take note of a guy’s penis once it is already erect. That is the impression that will stay with us.
- Women see a limp penis as having nothing to do with sex. It’s for peeing, so it’s irrelevant to us.
- Some penises are “growers” and some are “show-ers.” Penises that appear small when flaccid grow a great deal more in size when erect than those that are larger when flaccid. Sex researchers Paul Jamison and Paul Gebhard analyzed the Kinsey data on erect and flaccid penises to arrive at this conclusion.
2. Guys watch a lot of porn, and porn features penises in the top 1%. Women in porn ACT like they love it.
- Some of the johnsons I’ve seen in porn scare the wits out of me.
- A long penis rams the cervix every time the guy thrusts, making intercourse quite painful. Doggy-style is excruciating, as is any position where your legs are up and way back.
- A big penis is a choking hazard. Contrary to what porn shows, most women couldn’t deep throat if their lives depended on it.
- A huge one makes any notion of anal sex a no go. A true case of He’s Just Not Gonna Get That Into You.
3. Almost all erect penises fall into the same general range.
- In my youth I encountered one micropenis. It was so small that when I slid my hand into his jeans, I couldn’t find it. He had amazing abs, but no penis. It was a random hookup, and I was totally unprepared to deal with the situation emotionally. I’ve always felt badly about it.
- In my youth I encountered one gargantuan penis. It was on a guy I really liked, and I was definitely ready to go there. But when he whipped that thing out, all I could think was Childbirth In Reverse. Yikes. I think I said something like, “I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to help you with that. Have you called an agent?” Honestly, I wouldn’t even consider it. Poor guy.
- The other penises? Yeah, I’ve seen a few. They all blend in my memory, mostly falling in the general range of average, say 4.75-6.5 inches erect. Which was 100% fine. Really.
4. When falling for a guy, personality and looks are far more important to a woman than his penis.
- A study in the UK found that men often have a better body image, a better genital image and more sexual confidence if they have a large penis.
- Vaginas provide a tight fit for anything that goes in there, including fingers and tampons. Any size penis will feel nice and snug inside a vagina. (Unless it’s Borat’s wife, who he says has a “vagine like a wizard’s sleeve.”)
- Even in relationships, men continue to worry about penis size when women don’t.
85% of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partner.
Only 55% of men are satisfied with their own genitals.
- Women can’t understand why our inboxes are cluttered with penis enlargement spam.
71% of women think men seem too concerned about the size of their penis.
5. Penises provide far fewer orgasms than tongues do.
- “It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.
- Women love to have intercourse, it does feel really good. And we know that our men love it. But honestly, most women will appreciate other techniques and approaches as part of the repertoire.
- Research shows that guys with large penises tend to be “lazier” during sex. They experiment less, and rely more on thrusting. They assume that their size is all that’s required to get the job done.
To women I would say this: Give your partner plenty of reassurance. Tell him his cock is beautiful, or powerful, or hot, or whatever. Focus on what genuinely pleases you and give him credit for that. We women are partly responsible for this problem, and we should make every effort to correct it.
And to the guys: Seriously, dude, take a deep breath and don’t ever worry about this again. Be imaginative and giving in bed and your partner will be 100% satisfied, even if your little guy is smaller than average.
We really, really don’t care.
UPDATE 3/12/2010: Just read an excellent blog entry very much in the same spirit as this one:
Size Matters: Does This Penis Make My Ass Look Big?
http://open.salon.com/blog/sally_swift/2010/03/10/size_matters_does_this_penis_make_my_ass_look_big
It includes a good link about the facts too:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/penissize.htm
Sources:
Women Don’t Care About Penis Size!, http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/06/04/25972.aspx
Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., Peplau, L. A. (2006). “Does Size Matter? Men’s and Women’s Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan,” Psychology of Men & Masculinity Vol. 7, No. 3.
Pertschuk, Michael, M.D., and Trisdorfer, Alice, Ph.D. “Men’s bodies–the survey”. Psychology Today, November 1, 1994.
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Susan, I'm sorry I haven;t been able to comment so long but I've always looked at your newsletters and this one has forced a respond through my busy schedule. The moment you said Tom Thumb you shot the whole argument in the foot. It's not that we care what are penis looks like most of the time. It's that We care what our penis looks like to YOUR friends and YOU. You have remembered tom thumb for your entire life. And at the time your probably told your friends about tom thumb and thus dubbed him to your friends tom thumb. That is a reputation he will always have with you, and at the time he had with your friends (unless they also remembered that story as well). At a time where I made friends with a girl of ill repute, I remember I hung around her and her friends on a saturday after a party and the way the talked about some of the guys easily led me to not want to hang with them again. Unless you go through a whore phase or have alot of practice with a small pool of girls men don't know what to do in the bedroom in terms of foreplay that much. So imagine what guys might feel to hear their terrible oral and substandard penis being talked about amongst the girls the next day in their “war stories”. But hey the imagination runs wild when we think about these things. But let me know what you think if that makes a little more sense. No one wants to be the tom thumb, cause girls will introduce him to their friends without poor tom ever saying a word.
1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.
I'm glad you mentioned this. I think it's funny how guys are quick to openly disregard this, especially when they're the ones I'd expect to know better, heh.
Escarondito has it right. and so do you. You women are at fault for this. Ive always been told I was big by girls but I still don't believe them because women lie, especially about sex and relationships. Contrary to what I see on tv, men don't lie that much and when they do its a small sampling and usually obvious and meant as a joke. Its not men comparing, its women that are comparing. Even all this anecdotal crap about boys comparing sizes in the locker room and what not. I only saw that once in my school years, in boy schout camp and it was 5 of 50 boys in the corner of the lockerroom. And yknow what, now they all have boyfriends and wish gays could get married. This isn't typical behavior and only shows how much you women don't know about men. I have never heard any man label a current or ex gf or wife some stupid name based on their “junk” whether nipples or ass or whatever. All of this stuff is nothing more than projecting in my opinion. But even so, as far as size goes theres nothing that can be done about it, its not like a man can go from a size c to a dd. You say that women don't care, the fact is they wouldn't talk about it if they didn't care, unless theyre just trying to be mean or hurtful. You say you don't care and then go on to use the words l”ittle guy” and “tom thumb”. Its cause of comments like that that my entire life ive been given shit constantly by men and women about being less than 5,10'ft tall. I actually wish men used more elaborate words to describe women instead of bitch or crazy chick, that way we wouldn't be dismissed in such a condescending way. I don't think most men actually care about it, we may joke, but thats only to relieve the stress dumped on us by women constantly comparing and making such a “big” deal about even the small ones. You might try to say sometihng like men compare tits, but every guy I know have dated atleast one girl with small boobs, we like big boobs but we don't make such a big deal about it. You women do that.
Hey, V, I know! It's like guys are all upset about something that is totally invalid, because the basis for comparison makes no sense. I have always wondered about this – I think sometimes guys get very caught up in competing with one another, and that plays out later in their relationships with women.
Oh, Escarondito, I am so happy to hear from you! Thanks for commenting, I am really glad you still read HUS.
OK, first of all, I am sorry to make light of Tom Thumb. The truth is, that was a severe micropenis situation – literally the size of my small thumb. I felt terrible about it, and have never laughed at his expense, or told that story around the campfire. I always wondered why he went into the hookup that way – I guess he wanted a normal NSA hookup experience just like every other guy has. I was sorry I couldn't give him that. And honestly, the guy with the really big penis didn't make out any better – that story I have told to my gf's, because he was so stunned that I could turn it down!
The point is, girls are not really talking about substandard penises. We are pretty happy with whatever you've got if we like you. And whether we like you has little to do with the size of your genitals. If we can honestly give you an A for effort in bed, you're golden. You don't need to be expert – you need to be interested in what turns us on. And what turns us on has little to do with the size of your dick.
As for oral, it's not so difficult. Show enthusiasm, keep it soft and gentle, and ask her how she likes it. Even the most experienced guys have to figure it out for each girl – we can't tell how much a guy has done before, to be honest.
One last thing – yes, girls do discuss hookups the morning after. But it's a mistake to think they are telling stories at a guy's expense. So often I hear stories of hookups that focus on what romance there was, if any.
Whoa, Bob, no way I can respond to all your complaints here, but let me say a couple of things to clarify. First, “little guy” is an affectionate nickname that I apply to all penises. Kind of like “your little friend.” I apologize if that offended you. I guess I really waded into sensitive territory here.
As for guys comparing themselves to other guys, it's not anecdotal crap, it's the result of real research, which I cite in the Sources. The point of my article is that women don't care much, don't make a big deal about it – I state that explicitly. The research also shows that men care a great deal, and worry about the size of their genitals a great deal. And that's bad. It's bad for men, because it affects their self-confidence. And it's bad for women, because men who feel needlessly insecure about their penises are less likely to approach women with confidence. It's just a stupid waste. I try in my article to set the record straight.
I'm not saying some men don't have smallish penises. I'm saying women really aren't measuring very closely, and don't care very much. It's the same with height; I'm short but have never let that define me – when people point it out I think it's strange that they feel the need to do so. I am comfortable with my puny height. So I say lighten up a little. We all need to laugh at ourselves. So you're under 5'10″ and you have a big penis. That's not such a bad fate.
You know the duckster has to get in here.
I am bombarded everyday with advertisement from you guessed it, enlargement pills. I say, will someone please tell me what’s wrong with my penis? Look at this thing honey; do you see anything wrong with it?
Guys want a big penis for themselves. No hold on here Susan and brace for a crash landing. There is a reason God didn’t make penis’ any longer or a guys neck any longer. (Kaboom, I am so cracking up at myself). If either were any longer there would be no babies. (I am so cracking up, right now, I can’t believe I wrote that).
So, what are you telling me dear, I need to get a penis reduction?
Okay, newsflash, as we get older guys don’t just get long in the tooth. (Badaboom, I’m on a roll.)
Srsly, as we get older, like my age, sex gets really good.
Nuther newsflash, if we get in shape, get abs, loose weight and the like, guess what, the old hooper looks bigger.
Now on porn. I just don’t have any interest in it. It objectifies women. I have watched it but it’s the same old skanks doing the same old thing and it has no place on my radar.
Thanke for the opportunity to comment on the long and the short of this issue.
PS tongue vs coidal alignment. Got them both down pretty good.
We love you women but we don't care that you don't care. Truly.
As an aside, I thought it was interesting to read about Ron confessing to wanting a big penis for himself. Freudian slip Ron baby? Even though I think he sounds like a wee bit of a pinhead, I am kidding him and he is right. Most men know deep down that their dicks are fine. We just wouldn't mind the option of having a solid thick heavy 9 inch piece of manmeat to whip out and impress at in line at the supermarket, school, parties, orgies, bunko parties, work and even on TV if Howard Stern pays us enough.
And if I suddenly wake up with a big schvanstucker, that baby is going to be unfurled in the mens room like it is Old Glory. I am standing a foot from the urinal. Everyone is going to know about it from the first to the 15th floor. If I lucky enough to be in college with the same large organ, I am playing show and tell with every co-ed this side of the Mississippi. I am so damn proud of it I am getting it casted and bronzed.
.
Yeah it's juvenile and suspiciously like the red expensive sports car. But it's true. Micro dick or mega large cock and most men will go with mega every time. Now, for me, as you probably have gathered my length and girth are average with no real complaints. Would I like more girth and length? Sure why not? My brother on the other hand has a donkey dong. Reportedly 9 inches when erect and freakishly thick. Now my edge is that I am 2 inches taller. Would I trade my height for his schlong? Probably not as I like my height. But I might have to give it some serious thought!
This question is slightly off topic but related to cock… I heard from a friend of a friend that it is true that there are women out there who won't give a blow job to their husbands? Are their women out there who don't suck dick? If so, WTF is that all about? I can understand (barely) why women wouldn't want to swallow but to not give head? That's fricking un-American.
Is it truly possible that they somehow got some schmuck to marry them knowing that once they did they were never getting any oral sex ever again? Insane insane insane. Whats the word on this ladies? Please tell me this is a vicious rumor.
Be a good troll and go back to hiding under that bridge.
Not sure why I sense the name person who doesn’t give one writes like a woman.
Nobody says Ron baby. If I were near a guy who called me Ron baby, I would give him all the room he needed at a urinal and leave the men’s room at once.
Susan, you’re not playing a dual role here are you?
Bob. Dude. Really, we don't care. Really. I have never discussed penis size with my girlfriends. Ever. We've discussed how good men are in bed–which has way more to do with how much attention they pay to us and almost nothing to do with whether or not they have a big dick. I have slept with a micro-dick, and it would have probably been OK, if I had gotten some other kinds of attention. He was in such a hurry that the whole episode was disappointing. I have also turned down a mega-dick–it was just too scary at the time!
Now, I've never been a real lover of oral. Maybe I've just never been with anyone that was any good at it. However, it's just never done anything for me. I also don't get off much on giving it. I would much rather have a slow seduction and some manual stimulation. My current BF is very much average in penis size, possibly a little on the small side, but I am probably going to marry him because of the way *he treats me*, not because of anything to do with how awesome he is in bed. Maybe guys should be more worried about their behavior, and a little less about their penis size.
Janipurr, I love you, I really do. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have some female company in this conversation! Wow, I really hit a nerve with this one.
I also love what you have to say. Your story is proof that women want (and deserve) a lot, but it needn't be all about sex. I wish it were possible to shift the focus to behavior – the truth is, some guys have it figured out, some guys are still figuring it out, and some guys will never get beyond it. Congrats on finding a great guy.
I just went to see an exhibit about Pompeii while I was in LA. and All the statues that were found of men the guys have incredible small penises. So, naturally, my uncle, cousin, and I started talking about it. I guess culturally it was a better to have a small penis in the culture it was a sign of … well I am not sure what…but despite the sculptures having rock hard abs, sculted arms and thighs they had wee penises.
And I honestly don't care at all, and haven't seen enough penises to know what is average or not.
Hi Decoybetty, I don't know if you've ever seen it, but Michelangelo's David has a pretty small penis. I never noticed until I was standing there right in front of it. What was good enough for Michelangelo is good enough for me!
This is a conversation I had with my ex-husband over and over. I never and I mean NEVER cared about his penis size. He was the one that was bothered by it, and let me tell you it is of average size. Now let me tell you my own personal observation. Length was never any big deal to me….girth was.
After my ex-hubby, I dated a guy that was fairly long, we're talking a good 7 inches, and he was thin, there was no girth, so really sex didn't feel all that good, because I couldn't really feel it.
Rebekah
It's true; to the extent that women do indicate a preference, they care more about girth than length. But I think it's all about the brain. Sex with a real, intimate connection can be fabulous no matter what the equipment looks like. And a random hookup is unlikely to be mind-blowing regardless of how perfect the penis is.
Yes, to the extent that women do care about size, it’s girth they mention rather than length. Either way, it is so much more about the brain than the penis. A real intimate connection could make sex fabulous regardless of the equipment, and a random hookup with a stranger is not likely to be mind-blowing no matter what his stuff looks like.
Interestingly, I have never thought of men comparing penis size as something meant to impress women. I suppose nominally it is supposed to be that, much like nominally women dress up for men's benefit. But just as women usually dress up as a status thing among them, men consider the size of a man's dick as relative to his status. A man deriding another man's cock is like a woman disdaining another woman's sense of style. True this is not always the case, there are men who don't play that game, just as there are women who don't give a damn about dress, but among those who do it is all about power (or potency, as it were…) and status.
So naturally when women talk about a guy's dick it makes them nervous as it can have an effect on how he is perceived by other men. If someone who dislikes him hears a bunch of women slandering his size, that information will be used against him mercilessly.
In so many ways we humans never really get all the way out of the high school mentality. Funny, in a way.
Hey, Screwtape, I find your response so interesting. It's clear from what guys are saying that it really is all about approval from buddies. So even if women don't care about penis size, it doesn't make a difference – guys don't feel reassured because we don't have the cred to reassure them. And does that mean that the flaccid comparison is the relevant one? I've read that it's the same with hooking up – it's less about the sex and more about what he can say about the sex to his friends the next day. I agree that it's very Ridgemont High.
I suppose your analogy to women and dressing up is also very true. I'm always surprised at how hard girls work to get ready to go out – I've often got half a dozen college girls at my house getting ready for an hour or more. It's a group activity, swapping clothes, makeup and gossip. Of course, not one of the guys they're going to hang out with could describe one of their outfits the next day if his life depended on it. But that really is beside the point.
well from my experience it all depends on the girl/woman. my current fiance when we first met cheated on me because she wanted a bigger penis. yes she had had one before and she told me they felt better to her. “filled her up more”. so one summer she worked as a life guard and heard a guys nickname was “donkey” so she cheated on me with him just because she wanted a bigger penis again. sad thing is she had my baby inside her which she was pregnant for about 4 months. so we are still trying to work things out but its hard. specially when she still says “every man should come with at least 8 inches, thats ideal”, so i go everyday wondering when she's gonna start a fuss with me on purpose again like the first time so she can run off and get laid to get a bigger dick again. i wish it were true. size doesn't matter, but in fact it does to some.
mynamesux, thanks for leaving a comment. Seriously, if this woman were not the mother of your child I would tell you to have nothing to do with her. That is horrible. Every man should come with at least 8 inches? Sorry, but that is less than 1% of the population. Going with a guy whose nickname is Donkey? Is this woman a porn star? I have NEVER heard a woman speak that way. I think you need to find someone who loves you for your brain and your heart, not the size of your dick.
If a woman were to come clean and tell the absolute truth regarding her ideal penis size preference, she would run the risk of diminishing the size of the pool of her potential suitors. This is why most women lie about penis size preference. Women know that men talk to each other. So, a woman is very unlikely to ever admit that she prefers larger equipment when talking to a male about that particular subject. If she is honest about it and spills the beans, she knows that the man to whom she is talking will probably tell a male friend about her size preferences. And that friend will tell another man. And so on. And then she will be labeled (unfairly, in my opinion) as a materialistic slut. And then she will have to move to a new city in another state, in order to bag a man with a large schlong and a fat wallet. So women lie about this subject, for the same reasons that anybody lies about anything – they do so out of the need for self-preservation (i.e., for survival, and for comfort).
A pair of Russian scientists conducted an ingenious study regarding women's sexual preferences. I can dig out the actual study if anyone is interested. The upshot of it was this – women not only lie to men about their size preferences, but they lie to themselves as well. For example, most women in the study claimed to like all sorts of penises – small, average, large. But when they were asked to demonstrate the size of an “average” penis on a ruler, they consistently fell in the 17cm and up range. (In other words, most women think that what is actually an average penis in a statistical sense, is “small”, and they also think that what is actually a large penis in a statistical sense, is “average”.)
Many other studies have proven that their is a positive correlation between the frequency of sex refusal (“I have a headache”) and the size of the male penis. Men with smaller penises are refused sex, far more often, by their female partners, than are men with larger equipment. Studies have also shown that females pick up on sociological cues from well-endowed men, and are naturally drawn to them. Well-endowed men are more confident, and they project outwardly visible cues (other than their bulges) that women pick up on subconsciously.
Most well-endowed males do not seek out females, nor do they tend to have long-term relationships. Why? Because they don't have to worry about having a steady stream of female partners, nor do they have to worry about having a long-term relationship. They have a constant stream of potential bedmates. Women are inveterate crotch-watchers (not all of them, just most of them). And women talk about sex, with their female friends, on a regular basis. And if and when they land a “big one”, they tend to brag about it to their female friends. And that makes it even easier for the well-endowed guy to have more options in his “sex stable”.
The best way to prove it to your own satisfaction that most women prefer men with large equipment is to think about the following question – Is a woman going to get more physically aroused when looking at a five-inch penis, or is she going to get more aroused when looking at an eight-inch penis? As a man, do you think she would tend to be more physically aggressive (especially in an oral sense), when she sees a five-incher or an eight-incher? Now we all know the answer to that one, don't we, and all the “It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean” responses we continually here from females is not going to, um, “float that boat”, for lack of a better phrase.
To summarize, hell yes, women prefer bigger penises – it's just not wise for a woman to admit it in the company of men. Unless she wants to spend the rest of her life alone (or with guys who have large equipment who basically use her and spit her out to the curb).
I rest my case, your honor. Have a nice lay. I mean day.
Hey, Bob, thanks for leaving a comment. I agree that women who care for a guy will rush to reassure him that his penis is adequate, or even big, no matter what size it is. That's because we know how insecure men are about penis size. Secondly, if we are into a guy, we'll tell him that we are into his dick, that it is so hot, etc., because it is. However, women are subject to cultural conditioning just like anyone else. If anyone is to blame for this, it's men! You guys really care much more about what other guys think of your penis, than what we think. It is so prevalent in popular culture as the measure of a guy's worth, of course women are wise to that, and fall victim to it.
I also agree that well-endowed males exude more self-confidence, and that it serves them well in attracting women. Women do not look at crotches for evidence of flaccid penis size. For one thing, it's not a reliable test; aside from the fact that there are showers and growers, pants style plays a role there. For example, a cute guy in skinny jeans will look better endowed than the same guy in khaki slacks. The only time I've ever checked out that area on a clothed man is when he seems aroused in an inappropriate setting.
Here's some news for you, entirely based on anecdotal evidence and feedback from my readers: An 8 inch penis is nice to look at, but otherwise a drag. It's long enough to bang the cervix during intercourse, which is quite painful. Sex from behind is agony with a large penis. It's also too much of a mouthful. We're more likely to choke as we try in vain to take a significant part of it into our mouths.
It's not the motion of the ocean. It's the feelings you have for a man, the feelings he has for you, and what that does to your brains in making incredible sex. If we're talking a hookup, then it's how generous the guy is, how turned on he seems, and whether he knows anything about the almighty clitoris.
This is such a silly subject. I'm over 50. I've gone through the sexual revolution in one of the most sexually liberal areas of the US. I've been married and unmarried and slept around a bit. I'm a member of a gym and a sports club. I have never, NEVER, heard a man discuss the sexual aspects of a woman he has had sex with, and women I trust say they never talk about genital details of men with their girl friends. In my sexual encounters, with one exception, I have never had a woman comment on my penis. Sometimes I wish they would shower it with compliments, but it seems they are only interested in what it does, not in what it looks like. One said I was too large, but that was more a comment on her than it was on me. I'm within the average range. But so what? Even that one woman said she really enjoyed sex with me. Her vagina was a little tight, but there is a lot more to sex than vagina size or penis size. I've been with women with firm breasts and women with flabby ones, big ones and small ones. If I like the woman, the size and shape of her breasts don't matter. So I totally believe that women, if they like a man, don't much care about the size of his penis. Far, far more important for both parties, in my experience, is their attitude toward sex. If both are relaxed and want to make sex fun, then they will have a great time. If one of them has some psychological hangup to work out, chances are it won't be so good.
poppi3, hi, thanks for leaving a comment! This is such an articulate statement, I am really happy to hear a man lay it out this way. It IS silly, but this post is my most viewed post of all time. Hundreds of people read it every day~ you are fortunate to feel sexually confident, and you are 100% right about what women want.
This isn't a comment, really. More a thank you. Thanks for the quick acknowledgment of my comment. I've just stumbled upon your blog but like what I've read. Takes a lot of time and ambition to keep a blog like this running. My daughter (24) started one but life kept getting in the way. It is fun to read your point of view on things.
Let me add that I don't think I am an average male, even if average in one respect. I do love to watch football and played some when I was younger. I'm still a demon on the tennis court. But I am also the family cook and I do my share of the laundry and the cleaning of bathrooms. I find gatherings of all men pretty boring. One of my biggest mistakes was joining a fraternity in college. I don't like to talk sports, or cars, or business. If there are women present I usually end up talking to them: I find them less predictable and more interesting. What do (did) I do for a living? I write things.
Take care.
Wow! This is good news…I fall into 5-5 1/2 inches category. This makes me feel much better. I thought that my size was why my ex-wife left me and my children a few years ago…she began using coke and left me for another man…. I don't know why, but I thought the real reason had something to do with my penis size. I'm also glad to hear about the oral sex thing… I made every woman I've been with orgasm with my tongue…that has never been an issue….woohoo! It's weird…. because as a guy I'm not so obsessed with beauty…yeah there has to be some attraction there…it's more what's inside the heart that counts…that's what I'm after…and in my opinion once you establish your relationship for what's in the heart…then you'll both have the best sex of your lives…
Is there any other guys that feel this way, or am I missing something here?
Wow, poppi3, you sound like SUCH a catch. I'm sure there are a significant number of single women reading your comment and wondering how to find you!
It's interesting, I'm getting more and more male readers, at least, those who comment. One thing about blogging is that less than 1% of readers comment, but we sort of get to feeling that those regulars make up our blogging community. Maybe men comment more than women. I know people over 25 comment way more than those under. For example, I know that I have lots of women readers aged 18-25, but they rarely jump into the conversation.
Having the male point of view is changing my blog, because it's changing the lens through which I'm looking at relationships. I figure that has to be a good thing, right?
brian, thank you so much for leaving such an honest comment. Seriously, dude, you are so average, you're right there in the middle of the bell curve. The size of your penis should never be a factor in a woman's leaving you.
I'm so sorry your wife behaved that way, but if she was using coke, and left you and your children for someone else, the problem was her, not you. And certainly not something as simple as the size of your genitals. The fact that you don't understand why she left shows that she handled it incredibly poorly. That must have been very difficult for you and your kids.
Glad to see you're on the oral bandwagon, sounds like you're an enthusiast, haha. Love that! Honestly, you sound mature and caring and ready for something real with a woman. I agree completely that the sex is best when the heart and mind are really invested –
I don't think you're the only guy that feels this way, but I wish you could pass your wisdom to some of the younger guys…
my wife and i have been having this conversation for awhile since her affair. she had a one night stand with a guy with a big penis like 8 to 10 inches and she couldnt really put her hand around it. I am average size 5 to 5 1/2 inches and thin. she said she did enjoy it initially but he couldnt make her orgasm. when he was done she said she told him she did and left. she says that i am better in bed but in a perfect world would like the larger penis. she also says though that i satisfy her perfectly. reading your blog gives me hope on our relationship. the fact that earlier it was discuassed that men with larger penis have a steady stream of mates and short relationships is true for the man my wife hook up with. she says she doesn't ever think about it and it's all in my head. well I hope its true.
geary, you are focusing on the wrong thing. There is no way that your wife had an affair to get access to a bigger penis. She was unfaithful, and in the process encountered an enormous penis. I'm not surprised he didn't please her, by the way. Men with big penises are often lousy lovers – they don't have any other technique.
If she says she doesn't ever think about it, she doesn't. There is nothing about that experience that captured her imagination. But what gives you the confidence she will remain faithful in the future? That's what you really need to work out. Working through infidelity is hard, but couples do figure it out, either on their own or with the help of a counselor. I urge you to do the same, and to let go of the penis worry. No marriage ever ended over penis size.
I don't think this belongs in a thread on penis size, but if guys are worried about not measuring up, they might try cooking it up. As for being SUCH a catch, Susana, my first wife didn't so! But she did get me started cooking. In a typical 1950s sort of way, I complained that the dinners she was fixing were sort of boring. She rightly said that as she had a day job too why didn't I fix dinner. I got the point, got a cook book, and got cooking. And I found I loved it. It is a satisfying, and sometimes exciting form of art. As for household chores, we had kids we wanted to get more involved. We made up several short lists of chores and rotated them equally among adults and kids. No one got stuck doing all the dirty work. Everyone had to spend some time cleaning and some time cooking. Now I have two sons who are excellent cooks. When their wives sit down to a great dinner they probably aren't thinking about penis size.
Absolutely! During my marriage there have been times when I was working full time, and times when I was home with kids full time. During the former, my husband and I understood without even having to discuss it that we'd be sharing household duties. When I was at home, again, without even needing to talk about it, I moved into full-time housewife mode. I figured if he was the only financial provider, the least I could do was make sure his shirts were clean and pressed. My goal during those years was to make his weekends as free of unpleasant chores as possible. Now that I'm working a lot again, he has really gotten into cooking. He just said last night that grilling was the highlight of this past summer. And now he's really getting into soups for the cold weather. I doubt he would have rediscovered this love of cooking unless I had made room for it, but it's a nice by-product of my having less time. You're right, this is an example of why marriage, including sex, has very, very little to do with penis size.
I left out a word: “think.” You can figure out where it belongs. Hard to find good editors these days.
You both raise some very good and true points. I agree with your response most of all, Susana. By the way, in one response point to Bob's question, you said that an 8-inch penis is nice to look at but is impractical for actual sex; does that mean that a 5-inch penis is LESS nice to look at but is more practical for sex? Haha. =P
One thing, though, Susana, is that you should not write off men as being more concerned with what other men think of their penises (than they are with what women think). Certainly your claim is true for some men, but NOT for all men—or even for most men!!! Your normal everyday guy is NOT worried about what other guys think of his penis. Despite popular culture's idea of what gym lockers/showers are like, most men pay as little attention as possible to other men's penises (for fear of being labeled as gay, and also because straight guys just do not enjoy seeing the junk of other guys). Most guys in the real world compare each other's “social worth” by the differential grades, salaries, jobs, careers, house size, cars, and women they get, NOT by comparing each other's penises .
I do hope you believe me when I say that many guys out there (if not most) worry over their penis size because they only want one simple thing: for the girls they like to like them back in the same way. Look at it this way. When we (both men and women) all meet someone we're attracted to, we start to mind everything about ourselves: our appearance, the way we smell, the way we act, the way we talk, the way we walk, etc. Why? Because when we truly like somebody, we like all those things about them without compromise. And so, we become vulnerable and worry that OUR features won't give them the happiness and desire that THEIR features give us.
It's no different when it comes to genitalia (in fact, it's even multiplied tenfold because we're naked). When a man likes a woman, he is turned on 100% by everything about her body (including her wonderful vulva), which is why he worries that his penis doesn't measure up to everything that she might like in a penis—and this is true even for guys who are already honestly being as attentive and hard-working in bed as they can possibly be (I can't stress this enough, as some women are quick to write this issue off as guys thinking sex is all about size). It doesn't matter to these guys if they find out they're big or below average; what he wants, above all else, is for that cute girl giving him so much pleasure to feel the same way about his body.
In a weird way, it is actually more of an innocent desire to “love and be loved” than it is a selfish status thing. Which is why your bit of advice to women (to praise their partners' penises, if the woman means it and if the guy is trying his best in bed) is a very good one to do the trick for many guys out there. =)
Anyway, I think the rest of your points are spot-on (or at least they sound logical and reasonable to me, lol). Cheers!
Hey, nfigure, thanks for joining this discussion! Not surprisingly, it's one many men are interested in. Just to clarify, a penis is nice to look at if we are into the man. An erect 5 inch penis is a total turnon if we are attracted to the person. So is an 8 inch penis. The question of size just isn't that important to us. If we are not attracted, then we don't want to see that penis no matter what. I know that men are often happy to have sex with a woman regardless of real attraction, but I have never heard a woman say that. Attraction on some level is a prerequisite for good sex to us. And I don't believe any woman would select a partner based on penis size, unless it's a one-night novelty sort of thing. As I mention in the post, when I laid eyes on the biggest penis I've ever seen (including in porn) I was petrified. It was an absolute dealbreaker. If I'd been in love, of course I would have made it work, but it was a fling that ended right there.
I'm glad to hear you say that many men are oblivious to the size of other mens' penises, because as I say above, comparing flaccid penises makes no sense. Women compare breast size all the time, and it's basically right there for everyone to see (despite the fact that women can artificially enhance them). We're checking penises out in an erect state, obviously, which is not something that everyone can see.
Finally, I agree that it all comes down to loving and being loved. Once we are loved unconditionally, we can parade around naked and feel great. That self-acceptance will occur faster when we remember to let our partners know how much they turn us on!
>>>>>>”Hey, nfigure, thanks for joining this discussion!”>>>>>>>
Not a problem, haha. And likewise, thank you for responding (and so quickly!). I'm also happy that we could agree on the idea of “loving and wanting to be loved,” as I too feel that this is what these kinds of issues come down to, for most reasonable people out there.
By the way, I'm VERY sorry that I wrote your name as “Susana” instead of “Susan” in my first post. As I'm new here, I didn't notice my mistake until afterward. =(
>>>>>>”Just to clarify, a penis is nice to look at if we are into the man. An erect 5 inch penis is a total turnon if we are attracted to the person. So is an 8 inch penis. The question of size just isn't that important to us.”>>>>>>
Well that's good to know! Thank you for the clarification. And if you don't mind me saying so, your way with words is SO lovely. You seem to know exactly what words to use for nicely coaxing away a guy's uncertainties! =)
Needless to say, other so-called reassurances that guys find on other sites seem more backhanded and evasive than anything, and so their self-doubts just go on and on. In contrast, your words are not only straightforward and direct when addressing this issue, but they're also so sweet and kind. If a guy is not reassured by what you just said (in quotes above), then he won't be reassured by anything!!! Haha.
So while this problem will go on and on, knowing there are women out there like you (and the others here) makes things look not so bad at all. Similarly, I hope more women will someday realize that things like breast size play absolutely no part in how attractive those kinds of features are, in the eyes of many guys. We just really like you from top to bottom, is all.
Cheers!
Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it. More people find my blog by searching on the term “penis size” than anything else, which is ironic, because it's just one small post of many, most of which are geared to women! It tells me that this is an issue that many men are concerned about.
I think being sexy is an attitude, and it requires confidence. It requires a penis, but if you've got that, then I think you're all set, haha.
Wow this has been pretty interesting.
I have had my fair share of anxieties over this issue as a guy who is a 'grower' and felt inadequate when I was younger. Now I am more relaxed in that I probably fall the lower end of average-which I think is good enough. Although strangely I am quite well built and tall-but slender featured. Similarly to the above poster I am a more creative and sensitive male – and so I realise my niche is focusing on my strengths. More sensitivity I believe can make a much better lover. Sensitivity is quite erotic.
Bob Smith had some interesting views and probably part truths relative to some groups as opposed to 'all' which he mistakenly believes.
I expect different women, as with many issues – feel differently on this topic through time. Just like one time you might want a sensual love making – another you might want a vigorous fuck. There is a huge spectrum in sex. The reality is some people are going to like one area more – just as some men are going to be built for that area more.
In my cynical mind I do expect that indeed some women out of sensitivity do not admit to themselves, or are even conscious of desiring a large penis. However I also believe that many do not – and prefer one that is average.
It has been mentioned before that very attractive women are more demanding in the size area. Perhaps they are less willing to make concessions based on their self-preception and high regard? I choose to avoid these women based on the fact that as a result of outstanding beauty they will very likely be more shallow as a result. Not necessarily their own fault but more the product of being fawned over from an early age by all men.
I prefer more individual beauty. No one is perfect and I think the subtle idiosyncrasies are part of what makes us unique and special – nauseating as it may sound. In general I do not desire large breasts on a woman – and more often prefer small pert breasts. I find them more elegant-just as in Roman times the artists and sculptors found the large phallus to be crude and vulgar. So I can totally imagine how some women do not desire large penises.
I think it really depends on what level we want to live our lives. Do we want a deeper connection? Or just big boobs or a big cock? Do you want to spend your life just with a big Cock? Or a big Boob?
I know what I want.
Hey Steve, thanks for leaving a comment! First off, let me say that I suspect Bob Smith has an 8 inch penis and went searching the web for validation about how extraordinary he is. He was not pleased by what I had to say because it threatens his sexual market value.
It really strikes me that you say you are a more creative and sensitive male. For the sake of conversation, let's say that makes you a beta male. I believe that men like yourself have the preferred characteristics for long-term partnership in modern society. Research shows that women are choosing these qualities over more traditional male qualities such as aggression and dominance. Those men have difficulty with strong women, and also have trouble working collaboratively with others. They are not well-positioned for the information economy we live in now.
I actually love what you have to say about individual beauty. Any woman would, no nausea here haha! It really does come down to what's important in life. Women who commented on this post treasure their men for a whole host of reasons, not including the size of his penis. I also think it's a maturity thing – a college girl or woman just starting out succumbs to cultural bias and feels wowed by the big penis. Most of them figure out pretty quickly that doesn't correlate with happiness or satisfaction in any respect.
In any case, you sound like you have the wisdom of experience and maturity. I give you props for making peace with your own body. There is no doubt in my mind that your “smaller than average” penis will be plenty for a woman who loves you.
HI all. I am with a woman, 4 years now, who told me that she was with the abusive bastard, who is also the father of her child, cause he had a huge penis and the sex was amazing. She bragged to me about his size, she told me that she bragged to friends of hers while she was with him. The sex was rough, demeaning, painful, yet she thought it was great becuase of his height and size.
I am so very troubled, she has remembered having sex with him while having sex with me. She has told me way too much. I am now completely obsessed with size and embarrassment, even though I'm not small.
I am stuck with images of actual sexual situations she has told me about.
Sounds like she is about as insensitive and shallow as my ex-wife was. If she is bragging about this shit to you 4 years into the relationship than you need to dump her. She will continue her raving about it as time progresses. If she has any concern for your feelings whatsoever she would have stopped the first time she saw it made you feel uncomfortable.
The fact alone that you stated “she has remembered having sex with him while having sex with me” shows just how heartless she actually is. Matters of the heart will come out during sex. Seriously man, it took me time to realize…in fact, years later after the divorce that I am much better off…let me give you a clue on how heartless my ex is…I have full custody of my children…my son's birthday was yesterday…she never called…hasn't given Christmas gifts for years nor seen them….my point in saying all this is… you are not married… and if you're girlfriend is this uncaring and insensitive now…. then it will only get worse in time…her character is showing…and you don't want to possibly be in the same boat that I am in….get out while you can…and find a real woman…they will never bring that issue up..
Hey chris, thanks for leaving a comment. brian06 is being too kind here – insensitive and shallow is too nice a description for this woman's behavior. You are describing deliberate cruelty. No one should ever have to listen to descriptions of sex with a previous partner.
Any woman who would have demeaning and painful sex because of penis size is seriously disturbed. I have no idea about her past experiences, but she seems to be seeking to be utterly dominated, controlled and punished. That does not allow for healthy sex or a healthy relationship.
You deserve so much more from a committed relationship. This woman is sapping the confidence out of you, and making you feel terrible about yourself. You have a normal penis, but now you are preoccupied that it is insufficient. And you worry about it every time you have sex.
I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know whether counseling could fix her, but I have to agree with brian here – get out now.
This is my first time seeing your newsletter and found it very sincere. I would however like to relate some of my recent experiences in hopes it will give more insight to yet another guy's persepctive.
I'm a 30 year old male and just working through a difficult break up so bear with me. Myself, I'm having serious trouble with my self esteem, confidence and with my 'size'. Not so much a need to feel macho, but more of a fear of not fully pleasing a woman. These concerns or fears aren't helped by the fact I'm shorter than average to begin with at 5ft6in. I don't fully trust women when they say size isn't all it's cracked up to be not for the obvious reasons, but the subtle contradictions. Looking back at a couple of the women I've been with most recently, both seem to be inundated with quite larger men, men in the 7 to 9 inch range. Yes I've read the studies, and if indeed these are the abnormal 1 percentile then it must be severe coincidence. Both of these women have tried to reassure me that size doesn't matter. Is it pure dumb luck that they keep ending up with sizable men? Even as I've been talking with my most recent ex, found she went on a date with someone she met online, exchanged pics etc – and chose a guy with a sizable 9in. This is where the disbelief takes place..all people have their pasts. But it's very very hard to believe someone that says size is of no importance, then learning they knowingly chose a very large replacement. When a concern, or I guess as it's becoming in my case, almost a paranoia of not being big enough is coupled with a case of 'actions speak louder than words', it's borderline devastating. I wish I could say it's an isolated case, but of the handful of women I've spoken to that have an interest in me try to reassure me that my size is 'fine' it seems they keep choosing the largest range available.
Now I consider myself to be somewhat intelligent, and while I tend to be more sexual than the average person in terms of desire and importance in a relationship I'm well aware that no, sex is not everything. That's no consolation. Unfortunately, the more women try to be compassionate and try to brush off the fact all the other men they go for are pornstar grade and try to be reassuring..makes it even worse. It comes across at least in my case as patronizing. Granted all guys will react differently to their feelings of inadequacy.
Please don't misunderstand this as placing blame on women, I'm not. I'm well aware a majority of this is my own perception. The fears of being inadequate in an area that can't be changed through any amount of effort have led me to become very skeptical and depressed to the point my 'equipment' no longer performs at all now..which is pretty hard to deal with at my age.
You know, I have thought the same way that both of you have about all this, many times. But then I think about the really messed up, twisted ways he treated her in the relationship. Not just sexually, but emotionally, physically, financially all of it. I DID tell her many many times to stop but she just couldn't.
I have recently been reading about Stockholm Syndrome and it describes exactly how and why she would have said and done the things that she has. You have no idea and I won't go into it as it's too painful too rethink, but I can understand what's happened to her.
I simply can't get past seeing her with him, and IT, and the horrible, debilitating feelings of inadequacy. I sought help myself, 13 sessions and it just made things worse for me and us.
On top of this, her f$%king ex is pushing and pushing through the courts to get custody of the little girl and to force Susannah back into contact with him.
I don't know how to feel confident with this woman that I love so much.
I've been through a lot in my life, but this is the worst emotional pain I have ever known.
WOMEN SHOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT PAST SEX WITH SOMEONE THEY ARE WITH.
I want this on billboards around the bloody world.
Girls please try to understand, you may just joke about penis size and it doesn't truly matter to YOU, but it matters to us. It's crucial to the way a man feels about himself.
Don't destroy a man, then expect him to be one. Please.
Susanawalsh, you wrote “We really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size”.
You ain't going to love. Seriously.
Every guy wants to be THE ONE that the girls remember, and giggle about together and think is exciting.
The Big Guy.
Unfortunately for me, my lady had that in her life for 6 years.
Aguy that was 6 inches taller than me, and based on her drunken, distorted estimates, anything from 3 inches longer than me, to less than half an inch longer than me and thinner. What the hell can I believe?
Obviously the worst is the safest thing to believe. That way I can't get smashed again by more information.
Every guy wants to be bragged about. Same as every woman does.
Shit this hurts.
What is most troubling to me is that you are in the middle of an incredibly destructive and dysfunctional relationship – the one between your gf and her ex. Regardless of what her issues are, you must recognize that this is making you beyond miserable. I'm sorry that the counseling didn't help you – I don't understand how it could possibly have made things worse.
I hear what you're saying, that you love this woman very much, but it sounds like she is in no way emotionally available for anyone, including you. Will she ever recover from the damage her narcissist ex has inflicted? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life waiting to find out?
As I said above, I agree with you re talking about past sex. This is NEVER ok. And demeaning a man's penis by comparing it to another is incredibly shitty. I'm not sure why you love a woman who treats you this way, but I remain convinced that you must take responsibility for your own happiness here and put yourself first. You are in NO POSITION to help her. Please help yourself – seek a different therapist, make an exit. You say that this woman has destroyed you. I urge you to reach out and get more support than I can give on my little blog.
Chris, I still call bullshit. A man whose woman loves him will hear from her that she loves his penis. She loves the way it looks, feels, tastes and smells. It IS him. In the post I urge women to provide this praise and reinforcement. Your example demonstrates why this is so important. Of course men are eager to believe their genitals are desirable. You were put on this earth to procreate in one sense, and you need to feel good about the equipment you do that with.
Re bragging, that doesn't happen. Women will fuss over a penis to the guy, but I have NEVER heard a woman brag about a man's large penis. That is how I know THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN.
I am so sorry you are suffering. I can only imagine how difficult this is. Please don't let it destroy you.
I'm trying not to let it destroy me, but I am in a lot of trouble. And yes, there is something very wrong with My girl (Susannah) but she has avoided getting help for a long time now.
If I leave, she will be financially screwed and probably end up back in control with this evil f$%ker who will not let her alone.
Everyone is telling me to be selfish and leave, but I just can't bring myself to put me, above the needs of a little girl and Susannah.
There has been troubling signs of sexual grooming when the little girl stays with him, not enough for the authorities to act, but enough.
And all I can think about is Susannah, young, on drugs, partying and getting slammed by her big dick tall boss (did I mention that?).
Hi Bob. Can you find that study by the russian scientists for me mate?
“You guys really care much more about what other guys think of your penis, than what we think. It is so prevalent in popular culture as the measure of a guy's worth, of course women are wise to that, and fall victim to it”.
Susanawalsh, that first bit is not right.
Of course we care what women think of our penises, our bodies.
If it weren't for women like the one I'm with, I wouldn't give a damn what guys think.
Because women see a big guy and a big penis as exciting and as a staus symbol, AND because it is instinctive to seek out the bigger guy (bigger=stronger=better provider of food and shelter), because of these things we of course worry how we appear to women.
Well I got that from the research that says 63% of men started worrying by comparing their penises in childhood. Also, Name above says it's all about what you've got to show for yourself in the locker room.
I maintain that a woman with healthy self-esteem will not care one whit about penis size. If a woman needs a big penis as a status symbol, that is bizarre. For one thing, as we've discussed before, no woman should be discussing any penis other than her partner's. If that is private information, how could she possibly derive status from it? Unless she has a warped sense of self-worth, and the big penis feels like an achievement she can be proud of. Again, that is very troubling.
Syn – do you think you might be creating a self fulfilling prophesy by becoming fixated on this issue, and with your low self esteem choosing women who are shallow so that this really IS an issue for them? The point I think is that its quite likely that size IS important for some women and less so for others. Are you really interested in a woman who holds this measurement to such high regard? Do you honestly think someone would dump you because of your size?
I think it is more likely that the anxiety and concern of this issue – the lack of confidence – causes more of an issue than the physical reality…
I bet there are so many things about you as a person that are unique and great – that many women will love. It is absurd to consider that what you amount to is simply the length of your penis.
I dont deny that the penis is a symbol of masculinity – but there are also so many other marks of what makes a man. You should think about what they are for you.
I do understand that it can be difficult to deal with the height issue. A very close friend of mine also felt that this was an issue. All I can say is that dont feel the need to overcompensate. You simply need to find similarly proportioned women! They are out there – after all – you are here – so in all likelyhood there will be many other women who will suit you in this regard. Widen your search…
You cant do anything about your body in this regard. Learn to love it and work on your self esteem. Confidence and self love are more attractive qualities overall and that is something you CAN do something about. Get some books, find a good therapist and work through it. THAT is being a man-taking charge of your situation and working through it.
I really think that the size of men penis depinds a lot of every woman ,some wants a big penis in erectie and some want more a quality sex than a big thing.
Michelle Langley has written, in her book on female cheating, that women vastly prefer larger to smaller, and that they only say that they don't to appease male egos. She says that women compare notes about penis size, and that men with larger penises are widely preferred for affairs. She also has an anecdote about a woman she knew who, upon seeing the penis of her affair partner, resolved to bring him to orgasm orally to prevent him from entering her vaginally, due to his small size, and broke off the affair thereafter. She says that men should be aware that small penis size is a downer for them, and just accept it.
Now, when I read Langley my first thought was that she was writing that to get digs in at men, because she hates the beauty double standard. But she's every adamant about what she writes. Have you ever read her, Susan?
novaseeker, I've never heard of her before, so I did a bit of research via Google. Mostly what I got were links heavy on marketing her books and ebooks. Nothing wrong with that, but she certainly hasn't appeared anywhere in the mainstream press. And her testimonials are all from people with names like Dr. D. It looks to me like she has found a profitable niche in the dissatisfied men camp. This is from her own Bio page:
“Michelle Langley was a professional public speaker, specializing in career development, for over 11 years. After her interest was sparked by a series of unrelated incidents, she began an independent inquiry into women's sexuality which lasted for more than ten years.”
I'm sorry, but I consider those qualifications very lightweight for a person speaking on cheating with authority. On the other hand, she is eminently qualified to be a blogger like me
So I call BS on her claims about women and penis size. Maybe her ten years of research was her own exploration of penises, idk. I do incorporate research into this post that I believe offers compelling evidence that men care WAY more about this issue than women do. But I feel quite secure on this topic anecdotally as well. I have NEVER heard a woman speak derisively about the size of a man's penis. I have heard women say matter of factly that they have been with men of various sizes. A woman will couch this in terms of “bigger is better” because it is pretty deeply embedded in our culture. She may think WOW when a big penis appears. But it won't make a difference to her sexual satisfaction, except perhaps in the negative ways that I have outlined above, which are very real.
I think you know, novaseeker, that while we love sex, we're after lots of other stuff from men. Basically, if the plumbing works, we're down. Women see the penis as magical, the source of life, and we love making it orgasm. We have the advantage here, since a man's orgasm may be viewed 100% externally. 4″, 8″, I truly believe we don't care.
Lastly, this is one of those areas where I think men suspect the grass is always greener. Only the outliers make a strong impression. I would say that 80-90% of penises fall into the range of “Looks good, let's go.”
Susan, that has always been my understanding, too. Just wanted to point out that there is other female-based information about this out there that can confuse men. Here is a transcription of the relevant section from her book, just so you are aware (it's written in a hokey question-and-answer format):
“If she really wants to have intercourse, why would she decide
not to?
Because after messing around with the guy, she might realize
that intercourse with him is unlikely to be fulfilling.
You mean she thinks the guy won’t be good in bed?
Exactly. During the messing around stage, she might discover
that the guy has a small penis and decide to pass on intercourse. It
just may not be worth the miles.
What, are you kidding me? A woman might decide not to
sleep with a guy because he has a little dick?
You may want to believe that the size of a man’s penis doesn’t
matter, but it can matter a lot—especially during a woman’s sexual
prime.
A few times during my research I was able to interview both
partners in a relationship. I remember this thirty-six year old, very
attractive divorced woman who had started seeing the recently
promoted president of the bank where she worked. The guy was a
twenty-nine year old, average looking, married man.
The guy was married?
Yeah, he was married and his wife was pregnant with their first
child.
What an asshole.
Would it have been better if he had waited until his wife had
the child and the child was older, like you did?
I’m not saying that…I just…
Kevin I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I am just trying to
help you get it. Unless we stop judging people we’re never going
to understand this aspect of our behavior.
Go on with the story.
Anyway, this man and woman started out talking and flirting
with each other, then began meeting for drinks. Over a period of
three months, they talked about the possibility of him leaving his
wife and the two of them starting a life together, but they didn’t
have sex—only kissed and fooled around. One night while they
were together, the woman decided to give the guy oral sex and
that’s when she found out that he had a really small penis.
I can’t believe that people tell you this kind of stuff.
I’ve found that people are pretty open about their experiences
if you are interested in what they have to say and don’t judge them.
After having oral sex with this guy the woman wasn’t interested
in him anymore. She said she knew that sex with him wouldn’t
be fulfilling.
She didn’t tell the guy she didn’t want to see him anymore
because he had a little dick, did she?
No, unfortunately she didn’t.
What do you mean unfortunately? No man wants to hear that.
You don’t know what that can do to a guy’s self-esteem.
I think I do. It probably makes a man feel the same way a
woman feels after she has a child and her vagina has stretched
out, or the way many women feel when they start getting older
and believe they are no longer sexually desirable to men. Don’t
think these things affect a woman’s self-esteem any less than they
affect a man’s. Society has just always been more protective of
male self-esteem.
Well what happened, what did she tell the guy?
She told him she didn’t feel right about being with a married
man. To make a long story short, the guy ended up leaving his
wife. That’s what he thought she really wanted. It was very sad. He
lost his wife and his job over it.
Did she ever tell him the truth?
No, she told him that she just couldn’t live with the guilt of
breaking up his family. She lied in an effort to protect the man’s
feelings as well as his image of her. Over a year later when I talked
to him, he was still trying to figure out what went wrong. He said
he still loved her and believed she loved him. He thought there
was a possibility that they would be together someday.
Okay. In that particular case, it would have been better to
tell the guy he had a little dick. But, I am curious…why does the
size of a man’s penis matter so much?
You’re kidding me, right?
No, I’m not kidding. Why does it matter?
When females are in their prime, they want to have intercourse.
If a man has a small penis, a woman doesn’t feel anything. It’s just
common sense. If you stick your finger into an empty mason jar you
don’t feel anything, do you? A larger penis stimulates the clitoris.
But if a woman doesn’t screw around with every guy who
comes along, she stays tight and doesn’t have to worry about it.
No, Kevin. Then the guy doesn’t have to worry about it. Men
don’t want to be judged like women for their physical attributes.
Men don’t want to be compared with other men like women have
always been compared with other women. Do you know, when I
was in junior high, my health teacher told our all-female class that
we should wait to have sex until we were married because if we
started having sex before then, we would be all used up and no
man would want to marry us?
The myth that women get stretched out and used up if they
sleep with a lot guys is just another one of the lies employed to
deter females from having numerous sexual partners. Having a
baby or passing a basketball through the vagina is going to stretch
it out a bit, but a quarter-inch to an inch or two in circumference
isn’t going to make much of a difference.
Guys aren’t worried that females will get stretched out from
sleeping with other guys; they’re afraid that females will find more
enjoyable penises. Men are afraid that their penis is going to be
compared to other penises.
So that’s how women find out if guys have big penises. They
mess around with them.
Sometimes they find out by word of mouth, through their girlfriends
and through male friends of the men who have big penises.
Women don’t mind if their friends sleep with the same guy
they’re sleeping with?
No, that’s not how it works. Let’s say a female meets a guy, has
sex with him and then tells her friend, or friends, about the sexual
encounter which includes the size of the guy’s penis. One or more
of the females she tells may at some future point seek out the guy
and have sex with him, but she won’t usually go back to her friends
and talk about having done so.
It’s kind of like when a guy gets a really good blow job. He
tells his friends and then they try to get one, too.
It’s a lot like that. I once interviewed a man who had been
with several married women, nine to be exact. At the time that I
interviewed him, I was already aware that females did this, so when
he told me how many married women he had slept with, I knew
he had to have a large penis. He also mentioned that he didn’t go
out looking for married women; they just seemed to find him. I
remember thinking to myself at the time, I’m sure they did.
I ended up getting an interview with the married woman he
was sleeping with at the time. I asked her if the guy was hung well
and she said, very well. Then I asked her if, prior to sleeping with
him, someone had told her about how big the guy’s penis was.
Her answer was yes, but she wondered how I knew. Turns out, one
of her friends had slept with him a couple of years before, so she
looked him up.
There was another guy I interviewed whose male friends regularly
commented on the size of his penis. The majority of this guy’s
friends were married and, over the years, he’d slept with all but
three of the eight wives. All of the wives had pursued him.
That blows my mind. I can’t believe women do that. So, even
if a woman is just naturally really tight, will she still want a guy
who’s hung pretty well?
This is really bugging you. I guess you must have a small penis.
It’s not bugging me. I was just asking.
Kevin, even when a woman is really tight, when she gets really
turned on—you know, really wet—her vagina opens up and
even a large penis doesn’t seem so large. However, a small penis
can be frustrating and completely unfulfilling for a woman. I am
telling you, this is just one more reason why men don’t want to
compete in the mating game. If men were aware of some of the
desires that women have, they would have to compete the way
women compete for men—hair, makeup, implants, clothes, you
name it. Men would have to put a whole lot of work into competing
for women just like women have for years ensured their support
and survival by competing for men.
Men have always had to compete for women. They just compete
with money.
But that leveled the playing field for all men, unattractive men
and men with small penises.
You’re right. Every guy knows, little dick or not, as long as he
has cash he can get a woman.
Yeah, but what happens when women don’t need money, when
they have their own money, when they have the opportunity to
provide for themselves? The problems we’re facing today in our
relationships are directly related to the fact that women are now
in a position to provide for themselves. Many women no longer
fear for their survival or financial support.
When a woman doesn’t have to worry about herself financially,
she’s a lot more interested in physical appearance and sexual
pleasure. We are just starting to see glimpses of women’s natural
sexual behavior. Our relationships are changing due to the opportunities
that women now have.”
;alkdjfa;lkdfjasd OMG I don't even know where to begin. This bitch has a vendetta against men. I would dismiss the whole thing wholesale, but just so you and any future readers know, I'm going to set the record straight on a few things:
1. “If a man has a small penis, a woman doesn’t feel anything. It’s just
common sense. If you stick your finger into an empty mason jar you
don’t feel anything, do you?”
Come on guys, you've fingered a woman. Does it feel like a finger in an empty jar? A vagina is tight around your finger. It's tight around a tiny tampon, or else they'd fall out. I am thoroughly disgusted by this.
2. Penis size has NOTHING to do with clitoral stimulation. 75-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Research shows that if a woman's vaginal opening is more than 1 1/8 inch from her clit, she will not orgasm from intercourse alone. Certain positions can help bring a woman to O during intercourse. Obvs, woman on top is one. The other is when the male slides in and up during missionary, creating a drag on the clit.
3. She is right re the vagina not stretching. Don't think that a woman being tight says ANYTHING about her number. The vagina is very elastic – intercourse does not stretch it out. Childbirth can, but this is almost always handled at the time of birth with an episiotomy + stitches, which is a 100% solution, and one that husbands appreciate
4. “when he told me how many married women he had slept with, I knew
he had to have a large penis.”
No, he had confidence and a way with women. It is true that men with large penises can get very cocky (I looked it up, the term did not originate this way). But a man with confidence will achieve success with women regardless. Also, I am rather put off by this woman's stories of adultery as gossip or entertainment. I don't believe she is treating this subject matter at all appropriately.
5. ” However, a small penis can be frustrating and completely unfulfilling for a woman. I am telling you, this is just one more reason why men don’t want to
compete in the mating game. If men were aware of some of the
desires that women have, they would have to compete the way
women compete for men”
Oh yeah, this woman has been badly burned by one or more men. God, I am sorry you spent money on this book. She should be reported, but to whom? The Better Business Bureau?
6. “When a woman doesn’t have to worry about herself financially,
she’s a lot more interested in physical appearance and sexual
pleasure.”
Actually, the opposite is true. This has been studied in the last 15 years as women have achieved greater earning power. The researchers hypothesized that since women were more financially independent, they would resort to the same priorities as men. That is, a greater emphasis on physical appearance and a diminished requirement for financial resources. To their surprise, they found that women's priorities were unchanged by their own financial success. Looks still were not at the top of the list, and they still wanted a man with significant ability to provide for theoretical offspring. We are hard-wired through many thousands of years of evo programming. 50 years of women's rights doesn't change a thing.
Novaseeker, I hope I have succeeded in thoroughly dismantling this woman's claims. Hell, I'm an amateur blogging and every single thing I've put here is in my head – this information is well known. This woman is a total charlatan.
I gotta question for the girls. Mine is a little bigger than 5 and a half or 5 and three quarters. And im always worried that its way to small. its also 5 and half in girth. I'm just wondering is that small or is that satisfying?
I gotta question for the girls. Mine is a little bigger than 5 and a half or 5 and three quarters. And im always worried that its way to small. its also 5 and half in girth. I'm just wondering is that small or is that satisfying?
I gotta question for the girls. Mine is a little bigger than 5 and a half or 5 and three quarters. And im always worried that its way to small. its also 5 and half in girth. I'm just wondering is that small or is that satisfying?
It's MORE than enough! Re-read this post!
Loved this post!!! If you look on the intenet about woman and penis size the post that show different women replying state that penis size is not the end all be all and that they prefer average. However some sites say bigger is always better but look into these websites and you will find that are tryin to sell you a gimmick on how to increase your penis size. My advice is to comit to foreplay as long as you can and oral sex until she quivers!!!
Matty, you make a very important point. If someone stands to make money for their advice, you should be careful. Penis enlargement products are a scam designed to prey on men's insecurities. The solution is exactly what you propose. Women want love, we want relationships. Yes we want sex, but as long as the plumbing works, we're happy.
Matty, you make a very important point. If someone stands to make money for their advice, you should be careful. Penis enlargement products are a scam designed to prey on men's insecurities. The solution is exactly what you propose. Women want love, we want relationships. Yes we want sex, but as long as the plumbing works, we're happy.
what about the foreskin and circumcision?
http://www.sexasnatureintendedit.com/
an interesting video on the subject
http://dumpalink.com/videos/Does_size_matter-d4…
Hahaha, that's hilarious!
OK Bob. Where are your references?…. Yeah, I thought so. B&* Sh&t
Women are far more complicated than that.
hi, i am 6'5″ tall and my penis is 7.5″ long and 6″ of girth while erect. does this sound like an ideal penis?
Did you read the article? There is no ideal, they're all great!
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Hi Susana,
I agree with some but not all of what you say regrding M Langley.
Actually there is an increasing number of women in the media who hold that view.
Julie Burchill and the Catherine Townsend of Cosmopolitan for example.
Two recent seperate studies showed 90% od women thought girth importnat (Eisman)
In the UCLA study 70% of women with small penised partners were unsatisifed.
Lastly, have you never heard women talk about small penises? not even in your 20's?
My social group did all the time and men with small girth were very unpopular.
In my experience, a thinner penis means you cant feel anything- so it is frustrating, more so if you love the guy.
I do feel for men. There are mixed messages and people are so judgmental these days.
Tina
Hi Tina,
Thanks for leaving a comment, welcome to HUS. I never heard of M. Langley until Novaseeker asked me about her, but after checking her out online, it's clear she's a fraud. My guess is that she wrote her book to get revenge on a cheating husband (with a small penis). I am not familiar with either Julie Burchill or Catherine Townsend, nor do I consider Cosmopolitan an authority of any kind.
The Eisenmann study asks a small sample of women (50) whether penis length or width is MORE important. It did not assume any level of importance for either. It concluded that width is more important than length, possibly because a wider penis MAY stimulate the clitoris more during intercourse. However, Eisenman allows for the possibility that this preference is entirely psychological, not physiological. Masters and Johnson, in their studies, found that girth made no difference whatsoever.
I can honestly say that I have never heard women talk about thin penises. Not even in my 20s. As I say in the post, we shared stories about the outliers – very large penises, and micropenises. We never cared much about the details of length and width for all those penises inside the bell curve.
It makes no sense to say you can't feel anything with a thin penis. Women do not have vaginal orgasms, so while it's possible you can feel the difference between thin and thick, it would have little to no effect on your orgasm. Orgasms are clitoral, and the clitoris may be stimulated in any number of ways.
Hmmm, I wonder whether you are M Langley? You seem to have a dog in this fight, and I wonder why.
Hi again. Wow u don't take kindly to those with an alternaive view do u? I had never heard of Langley either so I'm pretty sure we are not the same person. She seems a bit of a nut to me. I was merely saying that plenty of women have voiced similar opinions in the media. If u haven't heard of the 2 examples I gave perhaps u have heard of lily Allen, rianhha, danni minogue, anna David, alesha dixon, dr ruth? Many women don't orgasm from intercourse but still adore that fantastic filled sensation from penetration. U don't get that with an inadequate penis. Sorry
No need to be sorry. I don't have a penis, so it's not personal to me. I just think it's unhelpful to state categorically what constitutes inadequacy. By all means, find yourself and stallion and have at it.
Well I wasnt doing that actually- I was simply saying that women have publically said it matters and from my personal experiences I understand where they are coming from.
Anyway- didnt you reject a guy yourself due to size? Micropenis effects every 1 in 200 men so thats hundreds of thousands of western guys that would be too inadequate for you too?
(micro is less than 3.5 inches)
And why the hostile comment about stallions? Like you I object to massive ones too. Most women I know dont like it over 9 inches- I know very few proper 'size queens' but equally I dont think I know anyone who would be happy with the opposite. Simply put, the vast majority of women are not sexually attracted to short stature men or satisfied by small penised men. Thats surely not contraversial is it?
Well I wasnt doing that actually- I was simply saying that women have publically said it matters and from my personal experiences I understand where they are coming from.
Anyway- didnt you reject a guy yourself due to size? Micropenis effects every 1 in 200 men so thats hundreds of thousands of western guys that would be too inadequate for you too?
(micro is less than 3.5 inches)
And why the hostile comment about stallions? Like you I object to massive ones too. Most women I know dont like it over 9 inches- I know very few proper 'size queens' but equally I dont think I know anyone who would be happy with the opposite. Simply put, the vast majority of women are not sexually attracted to short stature men or satisfied by small penised men. Thats surely not contraversial is it?
Tina, you are certainly entitled to your preferences, and I would never tell you that you're wrong. There is no absolute. I wrote this post based on the research I cited and my own anecdotal experience. I did abandon a hookup once when I encountered a micropenis. This particular penis was about the size of my thumb erect. It was about the size of an infant penis. I did feel terrible, as I said, but I had no idea how to proceed. However, I didn't run screaming out of the room. I just declined to have intercourse. So I'm not sure he knew what was up, although he must have understood. He was a very handsome, high status guy – president of his frat and all. He was very unlucky in that area, though.
As for stallions, that wasn't hostile, I was just kidding around. One of the problems with joking online, I'm afraid.
I guess I'm an outlier, because I've always gravitated toward men around 5'8″ or so. I married a man who is 6'3″, but he's the only tall guy I ever dated. He was definitely not my usual type!
Fair enough- sorry- re reading it, I was over reacting x.
your thumb huh??- poor poor guy………..thats like 2-3 inches? def micro
thing is, I read up on all this 4 years ago whenI planned to do urology. there are more small men than women realise because they are so shy. women often only get approached by endowed guys so some women think its rare to be under 5 inches. but some studies put it as 6 % having less than 5 inches. And up to 20% have less than 20% girth. Get a measuring tape and see thats pretty slender.
for the record, in the uk 5-8 isnt that short. i mean its not tall but its not midget territory. I think blokes under 5-6 have it hard. i reckon its more challenging than poordick size I really do. i dont think itsa conincidence that dudley moore was a ladies man and was a millionaire too..lol
mind you-having said all of that, I wouldnt kick tom cruise out of bed.!
Haha, true! There are actually a lot of short celebrities. Sometimes, smaller guys are feisty, they compensate with charisma and charm. I like that. It's a nice mix of vulnerable and cocky.
Interesting article and nice blog you have too!
This confirms it for me. Just when I think I have discovered a women that really beleives size doesnt matter the cat gets let out the bag.
You have just said 'size doesnt matter unless its too big or too small'
Thats like me saying 'I'm a vegetarian apart from eating bacon and beef'!!!
You have proven that women do care about size and men are right to worry.
Pity that that sad 'thumb' guy. He was under your 'threshold' just like all women have thresholds. Is it 3, 4, 5, 6…7 even?
And now Tina wades in about girth!! This is bleak news for small guys, especially as there is no way to change size- those adverts are all bogus. Life can be pretty effing cruel.
Hi, Brian, thanks for commenting. I have to say, you are really looking hard for the negative here. First, what I said is that women don't particularly care about size. I stand by that, according to the research stats cited in the post, as well as my own feelings on the matter. They certainly care a whole lot less about it than men do.
Second, it's only natural that the vast majority of any population will pretty much prefer what is inside the bell curve. That is, a very tiny penis is going to be a challenge for a woman as well as a man. I'm talking an inch or two here. I wouldn't rule out a man I loved for that. Hell, women fall in love with paraplegics who don't even have the use of their penis! Men can satisfy women in all kinds of ways. I was describing a casual hookup, which is a very different matter, because I had zero emotional investment in the owner of that particular penis. When a penis is enormous, a guy is likely to feel very proud of himself, but the truth is it can be quite uncomfortable. Again, if you loved the guy, there are many ways of working it out.
Third, Tina weighed in about girth, and she's entitled to her opinion and her preference. I made it pretty clear to her that I disagree. The research she cited did not support her point. In fact, it spoke to the possibility that any preference for girth over length (remember, it was only comparing the two, not assessing how important either is) was psychological rather than physiological. That means that women are being conditioned in our culture to believe that bigger is better. If you ask a woman to choose between a small penis or a large one, I suspect nearly all women would say large. That is what is valued in popular culture. I would add that this preference is initiated and perpetrated largely by men!
The best thing guys can do is stop fussing about it. Attract a woman with everything you have to offer, and have sex once you feel secure in her emotional interest. If she is a person of good character, and she cares for you, she will not disappear.
Yeah you say that… but thumb man managed to attract you and look what happened to him.
And the love thing: I would have thought that being in love and then discovring that would be heartbreaking- a terribly sad situation. Didnt Trina say something similar.
Telling men not to fret is useless- its like telling a cancer victim not to stress over something they cant control.
I noticed you evaded the threshold question: whats the minimum length/girth?
I have heard girls talk in bars etcand seen Sex and the City- you are right society may well brainwash girls but at the end of the day the prospects are pretty dire for the unlucky guy. I appreciate your kindness though- you are more sympathetic than some I can tell you.
The guy in question (don't call him Thumb Man!) was a random guy at a party, and we'd both had a lot to drink. It wasn't the strongest of attractions, and we had absolutely no history together. If I had been in love with him, I would absolutely have not felt heartbroken. I think this is much harder for men than women. If a penis was required to orgasm, that would be different. The only thing we NEED a penis for is the sperm that comes out of it, and that isn't related to size.
Please forget what Tina said! She is one woman. As you could see, I suspected she was the author of that horrible book that was clearly written to get revenge on a man who dumped her. I don't know Tina, I don't care what she prefers. Who knows what her issues are. Maybe she was in love with a guy with a small penis, and he rejected her.
There is no minimum length and girth. As I say above, a vagina is snug around a tampon. Physiologically, a penis the size of a small tampon will fit snugly into a vagina. The real problem is psychological, and it's harder for men, by a long shot.
Men are very visual – they want to bed a woman who is hot. Women are different – we find that many qualities can trigger sexual attraction, and physical traits are just one factor. I'll tell you something – if George Clooney had a small penis, I'd easily find a way to make it work. He has such charisma, such sex appeal, that it just wouldn't matter. It's an extreme example, but you are some woman's George Clooney. You need to wrap your head around that.
I'm gonna have to to call you out on this one- this is more of a message from me to you on this one so feel free to delete it afterwards- I wont mind.
My suspicion is you have been breifed to produce a blog to reduce some mens anxiety in this area. Perhaps a mediacl foundation? or Mental Help Net?
I dont think you beleive a word you are typing, but, and this is a compliment, you are very skillful and plausible and ultimately if you can ease the pain of a few people I think thats perfectly noble.
Rob, you are 100% incorrect. I wonder why you suspect I am disingenuous. I am not affiliated with any organization, except BlogHer Ads, which does not control (or indeed take any interest in) my content. My About page will tell you who I am and why I blog. I have a grown son and daughter, and I see them trying to navigate relationships in an era that puts physical intimacy before emotional intimacy. This worry about penis size is just one of many things that affects the way the sexes interact and communicate. I just wanted to address what I believe is a great deal of misinformation in popular culture. The research is very clear – women care a whole lot less about this than men do. I also do have some, ahem, personal experience to draw on, and I related it accurately.
Look, I'm not trying to save the world here. I cannot offer real consolation to men who are dealing with a severe micropenis issue. What I am saying is that 99% of penises are fine. Perfectly fine. It's men who don't believe it.
I have followed this page for a few months now. I kind wanted to see how it panned out. So now I'm gonna throw in my bit. I'm 39, I'v e had 2 children, I've had 25+ partners and havw worked in uk, usa and poland.
First off, I dont agree with Rob, I dont think this blog is noble and not from a feminist point of view. certainly. Secondly, Susanna writes in a style that suggests she speaks for all women. She really does not and that needs to made clear.
My irritation stems from misinformation and the presumption that mens fragile ego is more important than womens sexual freedom/satisfaction. Can you imagine it ever being the other way around?
I spent 12 of the best years of my life in an unfulfilled relationship due to my partners size and I thought it was my fault. I had been told size couldnt matter so I assumed the lack of sensatin was because there was somthng wrong with me. Only after experimenting later in life did I realise the difference it made. I have my friends to thank who eventually told me to try different guys. So you can bet I will pass this onto my daughters as they have a right to know.
And please, 2 inches!! thats ridiculous. When women talk about small they mean 4-5. There is a world of difference between 5 and 7 and you are bing plain dishonest to say otherwise.
If a women chooses to forgo pleasure, then fine, but it should be an informed decision. Sorry about the serial rant, but I find this kind of thing a real retrograde step. Bra burnning session over!!
Hi Jess, thanks for commenting. I'm happy to have all opinions represented, whether you agree with me or not. A few thoughts.
1. Hooking Up Smart is not noble. I do not write to reassure anyone, or have a specific agenda with regard to penis size or anything else. I write posts as they occur to me, often based on something I've experienced, heard from a reader, or read about in the press. This article was inspired by the research showing that men worry a great deal more about penis size than women do.
2. I do not claim to be a feminist in the modern sense of the word. Indeed, I believe that today's sex-positive feminism is responsible for a sorry and pathetic population of American “girls gone wild.” I believe in equality and meritocracy. Period.
3. No one person can speak for all women. In this post I cite hard stats that come from research, and I supplement with my own experience. This post, by the way, is my most read post by far, it's been read many thousands of times. To date, only you and Tina have weighed in that size is very important. It doesn't make your preference invalid, but it's hardly representative of much of anything.
4. Womens' satisfaction may be attained in many ways other than penetration with a penis, much less a large penis. 80% of women do not orgasm from intercourse. Of the 20% that do, girth MAY play a small role, the research has been unclear on this. I did not write this post to assuage male egos. If you look around at many of my other posts, I hold men (and women) accountable for their behavior and choices. I wrote this post in good faith, and to the best of my ability.
5. I never said two inches was ideal. In fact, when I encountered a micropenis that size, I did not follow through. However, are you saying that a man with a small penis does not deserve love? Do you not allow for the possibility that a woman could choose to love a man with a small penis? This strikes me as small minded and petty. Would you like men with 2 inch penises to abstain from life? Give up on love?
6. You are entitled to your own opinions, but surely you don't think all women are the same? You accuse me of speaking for all women, but you then make the categorical statement that there is a “world of difference” between 5 and 7 inches. Honestly, I couldn't disagree more. I've been with 8 inch guys who were crappy in bed, and 5 inch guys who held my attention for a whole weekend.
The most important sex organ is the brain. If you derive all of your pleasure from penis size, and you want 7 inches minimum, you are swimming in a very small pond.
The stats:
“The scientific (not self-reported) surveys show that a the average erect penis is 5.8″ with a standard deviation of 0.5 in. A seven inch penis would be over 2 standard deviations away from the mean, so statistics tells us that that is quite rare. The bottom line: 1 man in 100 is 7 inches or larger; 99% are less.”
You are forgoing the company and pleasure afforded by any great guy who is smart, generous, funny, handsome or all of the above because his penis is 5 inches? Good luck with that.
hey great article btw. men i guess are obsessed with their penis sizes and i have at one point been that way too. being an asian guy generally means i have a below average penis compared to other males. especially being in the military. but at the same time, i had sex with this girl quite frequently during overseas tour and i realised that i been making her cum over and over again with my tongue and hands and finish it off with some good ol' doggie style. she told me it was the best sex she ever had and since then, i have been dating and love making with several women without feeling any conscious of my penis size.
but the question is, stereotype remains and jokes about asian small penis will be brought up all the time, especially among the guys, and though i feel confident of my sex life, i hate being put in the spotlight and especially infront of other females….so what should i do? i usually ignore them and joke about myself anyway but inside…it gets very annoying. so what are your suggestions?
Ha! How about saying confidently that you've had no complaints? You might also say that the Asian techniques you've introduced during sex have made women act crazy!
Greetings to all once more. I like using numbers in debates so I will do the same if thats ok in response to S.
1. Of course men worry about penis size- they own them. Why would I worry about a feature I dont have?
2. Mostly I agree with you there but some things are so clearly ''anti-wimmin' that I like to throw in my 20 pence worth.
3. Didnt a poster called Rebekah say she couldnt feel a thin one? If you look at other female sex advice sights girth is a high value factor. Surveys consistently support this. Your analyses of published reports in my opinion are illogical and one sided. You are the 1st women I have met in my whole life to say 'girth didnt matter for good sex'.
4. Stats for intercouse induced female orgasm range from 20% to 80%. Even if its as low as 20%, women like the 20mins of penetration for the filled feeling regardless of orgasm. Most men I know are fully aware of this. Also I have never met a well endowed man who didnt like giving oral or giving cuddles.
5. Its not about deserving love. Love and lust is spontaneous and some people luck out. Im not anti men or anti small guy. I'm pro woman. I would never advise a girl to stay with a guy she isnt sexually compatible with as he 'doesnt deserve to be alone'. Plus I think the guy you rejected probably wasnt quite that small. I looked it up- that would be incredibley rare- 'nano penis?'
6. Do a little test. Get some plasticine. Roll one into a thinnish 5 inch cylinder. Roll another into 7 inch thickish cylinder. Go to some bars and tell women you are doing a survey. Ask them to compare them to the men they have known and ask for their descriptions. No leading questions- just see what they say. Then ask them about girth. Report back. Then see who they agree with. Me or you. I'm happy to be proved wrong.
7. Ah stats again! When I was a kid my teacher said most were between 6-7 inch. Now its down to 5-6 in the sites I looked at today. My experience? I will go with the Kinsey guy. I would say 70% are 6-7 15% sub 6 15% 7-10
To say that only 1% is over 7? Even medical sites (full of white lies) dont say that. Try asking the bar girls maybe. Any way you said you had known 2 or so 8 inchers. If they are one in a hundred you must have slept with over 200 men? Respect!
OK, Jess, you have certainly had an interesting sex life. I'm not sure it was on the planet Earth, but more power to you.
1. I didn't analyze published studies, I just reported them. They are from sound academic sources. If you find them illogical and one-sided, feel free to conduct the scientists who conducted them.
2. Please provide a single link that says 80% of women come from intercourse alone. I'd also like to see your source that says women like a filled up feeling for 20 minutes.
3. You've never met a well endowed man who didn't like giving oral or cuddles? Lucky you. I hear the opposite from readers all the time. Also, your individual experience cannot be extrapolated. Again, please provide links to scientific sources.
4. Why on earth would you tell me about the size of the penis I encountered many years ago? You looked it up? And did it say Susan Walsh encountered a micropenis at the Pi Kappa Alpha house on November 26, 1982? Amazing!
5. Your test sounds like it would make a fun and delightful evening in a local bar. So tempting to conduct that experiment! Why don't you go right ahead and let me know how it turns out. It is your job to prove me wrong, not vice versa, haha.
6. When you were a kid you had a teacher who talked to you about penis size? Yikes, I hope you reported that to the authorities!
OK, seriously, I'm done here. It was fun while it lasted. Feel free to come back with links to peer-reviewed studies. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy all of the ginormous penises you can possibly get your hands on!
1. As you know I was disagreeing with your intrepetation of them
2. Im happy to go with 20%- but its irrelevant. As for the other point I'm sure you can find the begium study that said 75% of women thought size important/very important
3. I cant except to say I have never heard of any man who refused to give oral or cuddles.
4. I suggested you may have underestimated. HSPDA say that 3.5 is micro. They say sub 2.25 is ambigeous genitals (intersex). thats 1 in 2000.
5. I kind of have. In the 90s there was a joke magazine article about girth with holes cut in the paper. It was called the satisfaction league. We went on a pub crawl and asked men and women what they thought. Although I was pissed I remeber people reactions- so I know what you would find.
6.its called compulsory sex education. We also learnt about egg sperm puberty and intercourse in those science lessons.
Lastly, I have spent the past few days leafing through sites and found the Catherine Townsend Blog mentioned by an earlier poster. She had the exact same experience as you!!
Now to find those ginormous phalli you keep alluding to!!
By the same token, perhaps your vagina is too cavernous to enjoy a regular-sized penis? After all, women's vaginas are not all the same size and tightness. Perhaps you are overlarge. I believe, unlike penis size for men, there are corrective surgeries to 'tighten up' a woman. Maybe you should look into it? It would only be fair, as men cannot change what they have. Wouldn't such a surgery be a 'small' thing you could do in order to enjoy the sexual size of the man you love?
Hi, Screwtape it's been awhile! Nice to see you in such good form, this cracked me up. Very well said.
Do you realise how juvanile you both sound? I made 2 posts, repsonding courtiously to each point raised. Rather than debate each point you have both reported to name calling. What was very well said about calling me 'cavernous'? what exactly is that supposed to achieve? That I run away crying? Would you do that to my face in a conversation?
In answer to ST:
1. I dont think I'm larger than the average girl. I know I have had two children but out of 25 or so partners only 3 have been too thin for enjoyable intercourse. One or two have been uncomfortably thick but they were outliners. So about 80% have been great.
2. Given that my experiences and preferences mirror my friends (and to some extent Susans) I dont think I am over large. Dont you think its unfair to say that a woman who cant be satisfied by a small penis is at fault? and that she ought to undergo surgery? even though average guys suit her fine?
3. And Susan, back in the day, I used to volunteer for a womens refuge centre. I saw mysogany on a daily basis. The last time I heard a man call a women 'carniverous' was in court whilst he was being sentenced for battery. He also called the women, his wife, other things I wont print here. In a blog hosted by a woman I cant tell you how dissapointed I am to hear that word again.
Jess, the real issue here is your blaming and shaming language. No one disputes your right to make your own choices about what turns you on. It's just not helpful to argue vociferously that small penises suck. If you don't like thin penises, don't have sex with one. No need to shout it from the rooftops. I just don't see how you have a dog in this fight.
Screwtape was responding to your tone, and I thought he was pretty funny. As for the word cavernous, I'm sorry it triggers unpleasant memories for you, but the world has no such associations for most people.
Well I'm glad you used the word tone- becuase thats what caught my eye in the 1st place. The title you used “what women think of size” and the subsequent postings. Young, impressionable girls (and men) would read that and might think “ok – this is the deal”.
I wanted to project an alternative viewpoint, and one which i beleive, is of the majority (happy to disgaree on that issue). My motivation is partly due to a vaguely feminist career but also because of the impact in my life. I would hate any woman to go through what I went through. And I suffered because of misinformation. You only live once. It should count. Thats essentially what I am saying.
I have never heard a sexpert or blog host or teacher say “hey guys, marry an overweight ugly girl because she deserves love”. Not once, not ever.
Girls suffer enough in a mans world- why make it worse- the stakes are already stacked against us. And again I just dont get why its ok for that other poster to insult me. I didnt insult you, him, or men in general. I am simply saying humans should seek others for which they are sexually compatible with otherwise they are missing out on probably lifes greatest joy. I dont deserve denigration for that.
Fair enough. I agree that sexual compatibility is extremely important. Obviously, you should do what is right for you. Wrt Screwtape's retort, I can see why he felt defensive, if indeed that is what motivated him, because of the tone issue. Also, I don't like snarky comments, and I rein people in for using them on my blog, but the truth is, conversation on blogs, or anywhere where people are basically anonymous, is going to be more “raw.” It's more honest, which is good, but it can also get mean, which I agree is not. It's just part of the deal. Bloggers know this, and they either develop thick skins or get out.
Not all blogs are the same. I go for the intelligent non abusive ones. I love debating and counter arguments.
So I didnt expect you to congratulate somebody on abusing me.
Nor then suggest that women who get insulted by men in such a demeaning way need to be less sensitive!
According to most sources: “While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in).[6][7][8] The typical girth or circumference is approximately 12.3 cm (4.85 in) when fully erect. The mean penis size is slightly greater than the median size.”
So, you are actually saying that men who are average, less than your desired seven inches, should give up on love, and perhaps become monks or eat a bullet, as their being in a relationship with a woman would be inherently abusive to her as they could not satisfy her sexually. Which is, after all, the only thing important about a man to a woman. Something he cannot change about himself, wereas at least the woman has the option of surgery if she is to large. So very kind of you. Perhaps average and smaller sized guys should just man up, know their place, and shut up, right?
It is funny how you sound exactly like the men you describe as so abusive towards women. From comments like “Girls suffer enough in a mans world- why make it worse- the stakes are already stacked against us” I can tell you are pretty bigoted against men. Yes, perhaps in third world countries men are the ones in charge. In first world countries, women rule. Have you ever seen a “Men's Health Center” at a hospital? Ever look at the amount of government money spent on women's health issues versus men? Ever look at lifespan differences? Do you consider it fair that a man who is beaten by a woman in america can end up in jail for domestic abuse if he tries to call the cops on his spouse? How about how easy it is for a wife to cut her husband off from her children? How about certain jobs, like elementary school teacher, that are off the table for men because they would be immediately suspected as abusers?
Obviously your time supporting feminist causes, as well as the time you have spent in those refuge centers (funny, there are no men's refuge centers…) dealing with the extremes of bad male behavior (as opposed to dealing with the extremes of bad female behavior) has made you rather hateful towards men, viewing them as only sexual objects in an attempt to put them in their place?
And perhaps if you are going to spout a negative message about how men who have less than seven inches should go without love (since their having a relationship with a woman would OBVIOUSLY be abusive to her as he is cutting her off from those wonderful 7 inch cocks -the only redeeming thing a man has from what I have gathered reading your posts) you should develop that thick skin Susan was talking about, unless you expect the guys to just 'man up' (why not 'woman up'?) and shut up.
Penis size is a sensitive (no pun intended) topic for men because we cannot do ANYTHING ABOUT IT. And as most of us actually want to please our lovers, and put alot of our self respect upon our ability to do so, it is INCREDIBLY INSULTING to be told “I spent 12 of the best years of my life in an unfulfilled relationship due to my partners size” which tells us the only good thing about men is their dick size.
Actually, let's look at the paragraph that contained that sentence, shall we?
“I spent 12 of the best years of my life in an unfulfilled relationship due to my partners size and I thought it was my fault.”
As I said before, it is interesting that the entire relationship was unfulfilling because the guy's penis was too small for you. Any emotional, financial, or intellectual support and affection he displayed to you was inconsequential to his lacking the required amount of wedding tackle. A little superficial sounding, no?
“I had been told size couldnt matter so I assumed the lack of sensatin was because there was somthng wrong with me.”
I wonder, as everything I have ever heard says sexual stimulation for women is primarily psychological in nature, if he just didn't fulfill some particular appetite you had.
“Only after experimenting later in life did I realise the difference it made. I have my friends to thank who eventually told me to try different guys.”
An appetite like, perhaps, the appetite for the danger of infidelity. From the above it looks like you started screwing around on your man at the behest of your friends. The same ones, perhaps, that like the large cock?
“So you can bet I will pass this onto my daughters as they have a right to know.”
Yeah, girls, make sure you find out the size of your boyfriend's dick before you get emotionally attached. Because that is all that matters in the long run, take it from me.
Suddenly, I feel very sorry for your daughters.
Anyway, I should thank you. Susan was doing alot to break down my generally negative views about the general selfishness and superficiality of women. Now I have the vindication of knowing I was right in my initial assessment, and that women like Susan are really the outliers. Fortunately, I have found my own outlier as of a few months ago (this is why I haven't been commenting so much, Susan, though I still read you alot). And my girl thinks my 'meager' six-incher is just dandy!
Susan, after a bit of thinking I feel I have to post an apology for the above rant, as I became rather vulgar. It is just that hateful women like Jess really bring out the worst in me. You have had a few back and forths with Obsidian lately regarding game, and I have to say that Jess represents the type of woman that drives beta males to became dark-side gamer-cads. Hell, just reading the above posts from her made me want to punish women as a whole… which I believe you would agree would not be productive at all. Interesting, this cycle we are in. Which came first? The beta male, angry at women, becoming a cad and treating women horribly in turn to create a bitter woman like Jess? Or was it a bitter, angry woman who broke a man's self worth down to nothing by reducing him to an inadequate penis in revenge for some slight to her? What random ass started this whole process?
Ah well. Going on a date with my girl, now. Hopefully she can take my mind off of all this. Again, my apologies to you, but not to Jess, for bringing my anger out on your board.
Screwtape, don't worry about it, I thought your ranting was OK, and not vulgar at all, really. I share your views, and to be honest, I don't intend to reply to Jess anymore. FWIW, if I'm an outlier, then so are my women readers, probably about 700 a day, maybe more.
Some women are superficial and selfish. Some men are cads. If only they were only drawn to each other and would leave the rest of us alone! I am really happy to hear you're in a relationship, Screwtape! I know you have had some pretty negative views about women, so it's fantastic that you found someone who made you change your mind, at least about one woman.
The worst thing about Jess's posts is that I feel like it sort of “undoes” anything I accomplished in this post. I know that men worry a lot about this, and some of the comments left here are from male skeptics. There's even one angry comment from a guy with a big dick who's threatened by it, haha. Geez!
I stand by it, though. I didn't write it with any agenda in mind. I just figured it made sense to put out my view on the matter. The number of hits this article gets tells me that men google search this topic like crazy.
As you rightly point out, I can't make anyone penis bigger, haha. I'm just trying to dial down the tension by providing an antidote to all the misinformation out there, largely funded by unscrupulous businesses trying to make money on penis enlargement products.
Well pat yourself both on the back. That post he made was very nasty indeed. And susan you condone his views?
99% of domestic violence is by men so that's why there are few male centres
98% of wealth, political power and land is held by men
so yes it's a mans world
I never said less than 7 is unacceptable
I'm saying it's not fair to tell people size is not a factor when it is.
It's a form of sexual repression.
Sorry, I am so pissed at your sanctiomonious, dismissive attitude I am also saying this;
when I was with my 1st partner we both got nothing out of intercourse because we were incomparable. We both knew why and it poisoned the relationship. We tried all sorts of things but it didn't work. He is the only guy I have ever cheated on. I did him a favour by breaking up with him. He had the freedom to find a girl was very small or who wasn't into intercourse. I had passionate and fullfilling relationships afterwards. I don't hate men I love them.
I wonder if screwguy would have chosen his date if she was disfigured? Or had a masectomy? Has he never rejected a girl? He appears to oprate an equal opportunities policy on sexual attraction. Nobody is allowed to reject anyone!
Susan do you have 700 women agreeing with you per day? That cofuses me as on the master blog forums there are women argue both ways but mostly to say it can be an issue. Dr ruth explins the issue quite well.
I know I am ranting too but how dare you accuse a women of being selfish or shallow because she wasn't to enjoy a fulfilling sex life. You must know that is unacceptable.
My barber who claims to have a big dick told me something very interesting…”it dont matter how good the dick is, that shit wears off”.He has had girls leave him for a man of smaller size because he could do other things.Bottom line is if all you have is a big dick you wont keep a girl very long…ps im a guy
another thing i want to ask you susan.I am 8 inches long and an ok thickness i guess.Most girls i have been with have said i am pretty big including the girl i am with now.She loves that i have abs and muscles and we are both extremely attracted to each other.The only problem is she barely moans.I know she enjoys it by facial expressions and the “that was fucking great” afterwards,but a girls moaning is something that's always turned me on.I know this is a little off topic but i feel thickness might be a cause of this.Or maybe some girls just don't moan.I don't know but that just goes to show you that guys who are well endowed(or at least told they are,i don't think i'm that big)can feel inadequate too.
Amen. If you've got it, fine. But it's like an accessory – nice to have but you'd better have a repertoire of skills, and not just rely on that.
Hi, gmoney55, thanks for leaving comments! First of all, if she says the sex is great, especially, effing great, I think you can feel secure that she really thinks that. A woman wouldn't say that if she didn't mean it, because it would prevent her from getting something different the next time. I mean, it makes no sense to give positive reinforcement for something unless you want it repeated, right?
Some women make a lot of noise in bed, some make soft sounds, and some are silent. Women in porn make all kinds of screaming noises, and sound absurd! That's not realistic. However, I think you should tell your girl that it really turns you on when she moans. She'll start moaning more if you ask for it! My guess is you'll only have to mention it once. Wait until she does moan, and then immediately tell her how much that does for you.
And yes, I can believe that a man can feel inadequate no matter what size his penis is. Because what the man really wants (hopefully) is to really make his woman crazy with lust and pleasure. And as I've said above, that requires more than thrusting during intercourse.
http://www.catherinetownsend.com/2008/09/'Consu…
http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentato…
http://www.cherrytv.com/video/size-and-rhythm-d…
I have not made these proper links so you have to go to the trouble of typing in the address to see them. I advise men not to do this. Susasana walsh, you may want to hide them altogether.
They contain references from intelligent, articulate women who make it clear I am low life. If you scan the web and ignore the pills companies crap and the patronising agony aunt rubbish and just look for real female opinion it seems overwhelmingly small is not ok. To find a little oasis like this site is blessed to me. Even if I am not toally convinced I can try and take some comfort.
Hey, Brian. Well, I won't hide them, because in the year I've been blogging, I've only censored two comments, both of which were obscene. So your links stand – I always feel that more information is better anyway. Might as well know what you're dealing with.
First, Catherine Townsend. Every time someone tells me that women really care about this issue, they quote her. Obviously, she cares about penis size. But there's a lot of sensationalism in what she writes. You mentioned having seen Sex and the City – well, CT is like Samantha. All talk and bluster, and if she's happy with her sex life, more power to her. She does not represent all women. For example, she says that sometimes she's yelling “Put it in!” and the guy has to admit he already has. That is literally the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Perhaps she has nerve damage in her vagina and can't feel properly. I don't know. Another example is that she says that women's vaginas easily stretch to accomodate a large penis. That is true to some extent, but let me tell you, there are only about six inches from the vaginal opening to the cervix in most women, and getting that cervix pounded is excruciating. Often when a woman has been with a man with a very long penis, she has some bleeding the next day. Catherine Townsend makes her living as a sensational sex columnist. She may be intelligent and articulate. That doesn't make her honest, right or even sane!
I didn't even watch the final link through. Look, here's the bottom line:
You have a penis. You are not happy with its size, most because you think women will not find you sexually desirable. I will not patronize you, I am telling it as I see it.
1. Stop looking for evidence online that confirms your worst fears. If I went looking for evidence of mine, I'd be totally convinced I'm dying of a brain tumor.
2. Question motives. Think about whether people have anything to gain with the opinions they spout. I have no agenda here. None. I am not interested in misinforming anyone.
3. Women enjoy sex, but it's a means to an end for us. Thanks to 10,000 years of evolutionary programming, we are conditioned to want to bear young. We need sperm for that, not a particular type of penis. We are thankful, however, that Nature has bestowed upon us the almighty clitoris, which keeps us interested in intimate encounters.
4. Men enjoy sex. It is the be all and end all for a man, whose complementary evo imperative is to reproduce by planting his seed as much as possible.
Brian, are you out there meeting women? Do you date? And are you in therapy? Because it's clear to me that you are not living your life fully due to this worry. I'm glad I offer some small comfort, but finding a woman who loves you for all that you are will be far more satisfying to you. I urge you to take the actions necessary to deal with this pragmatically. You need to find a way to focus on everything that you have to offer, not just your genitals.
Best,
Susan
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means a great deal to hear see such words.
I did date, twice, in my late 20's. It was a pretty shitty experience. I'm afraid it was pretty much the situation described by the 2nd link so it hit a nerve.
I have no plans to date. I have accepted that about myself and it has actually made me functional and a bit less depressed. What hurts though is the lack of dignity and as the cherrytv clip showed, to be a source of contempt. Its about self respect. How others might view me where they to know the whole me.
Your words have provided a degree of salve there and I really thank you for that.
B
Learn to dismiss the whining of heartless bitches, none of whom seem to have a meaningful relationship. It's always easier to blame someone else, and the small dick thing plays right into pop culture, e.g. SATC. I wrote a post about Samantha on that show, and diagnosed her with an attachment disorder. That's my opinion.
Your self-respect must come from within. You wouldn't gain it if 500 women told you your penis was perfect. This is what you need to work on. Look, I'm a big believer in therapy — I've done it individually and as a family. I think you should find a male shrink who specializes in talking with men, particularly about sexual issues. I am 100% certain they're out there. Someone with far more expertise than I have could be an enormous help, and a comfort as well.
“heartless bitches”- steady on love!!
Strong words eh? Most women would put size as a factor in desirable traits.
If girls want height, humour, looks & generosity why not size?
Cos you cant change it?- the only one you can change in the previous list is generosity.
Doesnt this slander a whole gender?
If I uttered 'bitches' about women near my girlfriend she would castrate me!!
Hi rufus, thanks for commenting. With that remark, I was specifically referring to the women on cherry tv. What I object to is the tone of ridicule. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, that goes without saying. Some people want height, some don't care. For the most part, women desire traits in men that are within their control.
If I heard a group of men joking about women's vaginas smelling nasty, or hating women with small breasts, I wouldn't hesitate to call them bastards. I'm an equal opportunity judge.
This subject has been done to death on a million blogs. I think the issue revolves around the intrepetation of the question: does size matter?
It means different things to different people. For a woman it might mean a relationship. For men it might mean the sex act.
So if a women can't feel their partner's penis they might overlook the issue because of finacial security and affection.
However a man feel totally emasculated by the same situation and become despondant.
I know women who have said they would marry an impotent man so size couldnt matter at all to them. I also know women who have said they would not give the time of day to a smaller man. Neither of these women are worse than the other, its just an issue of preference.
I looked at the links shown earlier. The last one called 'Cherry' had some videos with women discussing sex including size. I didnt think they were worse or better than the average woman. I have certainly heard many a woman claim they cant feel anything with a smaller penis. Its probably the most common complaint I have heard about over the years, its certainly more of an issue than premature ejaculation or impotence.
Obviously, womens mags mention it almost continously so younger women are growing up with 'ideals' more than I did growing up. However there will always be women who have sex really low down on their list of priorities so size isnt important to them. For the women who do have higher sex drives there are probably enough men to choose from to attract what they want. Things tend to work out ok over time.
It would be nice to put the incessant debate to bed because at the end of the day; why worry over something you cannot change?
Sally, thanks for leaving a comment. I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at here, so I'd like to clarify:
1. Why would a woman want a relationship without sexual compatibility? In an era when women earn nearly as much as men, do you really think a woman will forego a sex life for financial security?
2. The vagina is designed to feel anything inserted into it. It's hard to imagine that a vagina would not feel something moving back and forth as well. There are many nerve endings in that area, though not enough to orgasm, as I have said repeatedly. A woman who cannot feel a penis moving inside her would to well to see a neurologist.
3. Both a woman who would eagerly marry an impotent man, and a woman who would “not give the time of day” to a smaller man would be women of questionable character. They may not be worse that one another, but I wouldn't wish either one of them on any man.
4. You say that you've heard many a woman complain about size – since that is so different from my own experience, I am wondering if this is perhaps your professional calling?
5. Your claims about PE and ED are ludicrous. Estimates of men suffering from PE range from 25-40%. Over 100 million men suffer from ED worldwide; it's no wonder the little blue pill is a runaway best seller. On the other hand, only 3% of penises are less than five inches, which is well within one standard deviation from the mean.
6. Things tend to work out OK over time? By themselves? I don't think so. Why worry over something you cannot change? Are you serious? Because we all have needs that aren't being met, and we want to make things work out OK, and we wonder and worry about what we might do to improve our lives.
I'm trying to suggest life isnt quite as bleak as a lot of people are making out on here. I would along with a lot of what you say but there no need to ignore the men with 2 inchers, or who are impotent or have PE. These men deserve love and respect too.
Lots of women dont give a stuff about sexual compatibility. They are more about emotional compatibility and financial security. Thats especially true for some women when they hear the biological clock ticking. Anyway, why this focus on erect willies? You can have sex without them. Fingers, tongues, dildos can all be used to great effect.
I dont think you are right at all about vaginal sensitivity. When aroused and engorged a thin vibrator cant be felt at all. Thats why dildos are pretty thick. But this is only important to some women. Suggesting people have nerve damage is unlikley to be accurate.
Why would the women I mentioned be of questionable character? The former example is a relation of mine who is the most decent person you could hope to meet. Are you saying that if your current partner became permantly impotent you would leave him?
I dont know much about stats so I will take your word for all that stuff. I was referring to complaints friends and aquantainces had mentioned in the past. ED or PE hardly ever came up but sixe sometimes did, perhaps not as extreme as your example but of a simliar vein.
Cant we all enjoy just a bit of positive thinking? Does the world have to be so bleak? You saying that 5 inches is a minimum means that mean with 4 inches feel bad. If you say 2 inches is bad then 1.5 inch men feel bad. Why not avoid measuring!!! Sex is not everything!! Love, freindship, loyality, humour. Humans can love in all sorts of ways. Cant we embrace them all?
Sorry, yes, I totally agree with you! I agree 100%. I do believe that there is a lot more to love and sex than something like the size of one's genitals, breasts, etc. Both men and women feel insecure about these issues, and I think we are often our own worst enemy when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex.
I can honestly say that if my husband became impotent, it would NEVER cause me to leave. No sexual dysfunction could do that. As you say, we have many ways to get off, and to each his own. What's important is that we stay open-minded and generous. If we're more worried about giving pleasure than receiving it, there should be more than enough to go around.
Thanks for commenting, sorry I got a little defensive there. Tone can be hard to read on blogs, and I think I misinterpreted a couple of things.
Okayyy- in the words of Judge Judy:
“Balonneeeyyyy”
I am real sorry folks but Sally and Susan and all the 'do gooder types' are full of it.
All 5 of my ex girlfreinds said that any girl that said size dont matter are liars.
Plus, a tv presenter called Keith XXXXXXXX appeared in a nude gameshow in the UK. I was sat there watching that show with my brother, our then girlfriends and 3 other girls. This poor guy was on the serious small side. You could have heard the girls shrieks from a mile away. They said he might as well off himself.
Guess what YouTubes most used song is for female dance routines? -”Dont want no short dicked man”
Dont you tell me “what women think about size”. Cos no-one is dumb enough to buy what you is sellin'
It never ceases to amaze me how emotional people get over this issue! I'm guessing Treva here is a well-endowed guy, and it's important to him to keep that advantage over other men.
And Treva? Not selling a damn thing. Probably the only article about penis size online with absolutely NOTHING to gain by it.
well…
What bothers me is that you never hear a girl talking about average, because they always say they want big, making average guys feel small. I overheard many older talking about 8 inchers one day like, “They're great!” And that 7 is “o-k”. Even the “Guys can still get some if they're 6.5″. It killed me one day when I was with a girl who had not been with many people and she said mines was “pretty big” (between 5.8-6.2length, average width) because I know it's a lie because she's seen porn and commented on how big the guys were in it. Even with that, she told other women that I'm big and now they want to see my “Super Six” (They are not aware of the size BTW)” and they all act innocent but they all want to see mines cuz “it's huge”. I ALWAYS hear women saying things like “He probably has a BIG one”. This bothers me because I was actually interested in one of the women I mentioned for a real relationship because I knew her for a while and she didn't seem to be so concerned about penis sizes, only schoolwork (college). WHAT WORRIES ME THE MOST ARE WOMEN THAT HAVE NEVER HAD A BIG ONE and WOMEN THAT ARE USED TO BIG ONES. From my experience, whether it's because of a woman's friends (the major source) or the media, women that have always had average are searching for a big one and if some guy says “Hey, I'm 7-9 inches( really 8-9)” curiosity will get the best of them and they they'll have sex with him because it's something new, even if they're in a relationship. Sex is not a major part of the relationship for me, but it's starting to seem it's what the basis of a relationship is in America. It seems that if you're average, you won't be remembered. But a girl can always tell a story about the big one's that she's had…leading to my next point
Important:
It's women comparing men's —- sizes that make men insecure, not men comparing to other men (eg. locker room, urinal). We care about what women think. When comapring —- sizes, you're either large or small, according to women. What about in between?
Analyze this situation:
Guy: “You bought the wrong box again, I don't wear magnums”
Girl: “I have other condoms if you have a LITTLE —-”
Conclusion: Why is a guy small, if he's not huge?
***FOR THE SAKE OF THIS ARGUMENT, USING STATISTICS (ONLY FOR SIZE)***
Women reward men with The BIGGEST (7.5+ inches)
They don't say much about the average ones. (5.5-6.5)
They absolutely degrade smaller ones. (less than 5.5)
anthing between 6.6-7.4 is debatable
Why does the guy with the biggest one get all the girls?
Some woman had him and told her friend(s) about his size
Because they were amazed
This makes many girls that didn't really think of size in that way
curious or into size queens
The friend(s) will seek him because of size and prowess,
but a lot of the time women are curious/want the size
Then girls will flock to him, he may know or not know the reason why,
But he will have his choice of women
Those women will tell there friends(s)
This creates a cycle for the guy with the BIGGEST
This makes average guys insecure
They way be able to achieve the same cycle
But they have to put in WAY more work
While the big guy stretches(no pun intended) and yawns
and the women keep coming
Some will like it, others will think it's too much
The BIGGEST guy doesn't care because women will keep coming
The women that were indifferent or didn't like the experience
will probably end up with the average guys
When the average guy finds out he becomes insecure
because you once put emphasis on something he could never attain
even if you describe it as too big, say it hurted, etc.,
the average guy will still be insecure,
because it doesn't matter if you liked it or not, big=better
because the BIGGEST could give you what the average guy has,
he just has the option of giving you extra, so he appears to be more accomodating
While the average guy has a default value
and the woman won't understand the insecurity,
because she likes him for who he is.
It's really because you were amazed by the BIGGEST one
and it has a permanent image in your head like “That's the biggest one ever”
while with the average you just see it as a standard penis, making it “forgettable”
while being amazed by “overall” qualities (achieved)
is not the same as being amazed by something that someone has from birth (given)
Size queens and the ones that “prefer” bigger than average add more insecurity.
Here's an analogy:
Let's say its comparable to a guy telling the girl he's with that
A girl that he was with previously was tighter than her
possibly the “tightest”
and even with kegels, surgery, etc, the woman he's with cannot reach that tightness
And that he liked the feeling of being “clamped”, even though his former's is sufficient
Or he says it was too “tight”
How would you feel?
the only beacon of light being the ones who have never caught on to bigger=better,
AND haven't experienced the BIGGEST, because that may cause an insecuriry,
but insecurity is not common with this select bunch,
because they didn't have a bias towards BIGGEST
Can't even imagine for the smaller guys
This is why so many men question there manhood
Many women are excited on the thought alone of having, or at least experiencing
a huge one.
***Not trying to sound like I am attacking women,***
***Just trying to get women to see a point.***
Women are making men more insecure.
I think this will progress worse in the following years
As women are beginning to believe bigger is better
**What are your thoughts on this?***
***Do you think I'm wrong? Right?***
P.S.
*Size Queens Only*
How would you feel if there was a tightness test for a vagina, and it was measurable & recordable? And you can put it down on paper and give the tightness an a actual rating, meaning guys can see the given rating and then say, “Sorry, you're too loose, you must be this tight (shows tightness rating) or it ain't goin down tonight!”
-My views are from what I see in college and club life-
-I do not speak for everyone
Induced by women, you have every right to be frustrated by this small mindedness on the part of women. First of all, as I said in one of the comments above, a 7 inch penis is more than 2 std. deviations from the mean. We're talking 1-2% tops. So these women? They're lying if they're saying they've seen many outside of porn. I think some women tend to talk this way to impress their friends, like Samantha in Sex and the City. It's like guys telling each other that the woman they screwed was screaming and clawing in ecstasy, when the truth is that women don't really do that stuff during sex much. It's all a bunch of hot air.
Your size is average to slightly larger than. Do not listen to this stupid talk. Just find a woman you like and make her happy with your perfectly wonderful penis!
WDUS, thanks for leaving a comment. You've made a very good point here – the whole size thing becomes a vicious cycle. It's important to remember here that when women talk about a guy having a huge dick, it's a novelty, almost like a freak show. They are curious to see one. And report back to their girlfriends. Imagine that you heard of a woman who was an absolute contortionist in bed – she could do amazing things with her body in various positions. You would probably be pretty curious to see that, and you would certainly tell your friends about it. But would you be more likely to fall in love with her? No. I don't believe that women are more likely to fall in love with a guy based on penis size, or reject a man for love because of lack of size. It's the least important characteristic, as far as I'm concerned! I hear women talk all the time of guys they're crushing on (see other posts on this blog) and I never hear them say, “Oh, and I hear he has a big dick!” They may share a laugh about penis size over a beer, but it's really just talk. My advice to men who want a real relationship is to bring your A-game to a woman in all of the ways that we value, and make an effort to please us sexually. The size question just shouldn't be an issue. If a woman tells you it is, dump her, she's got issues.
Disclaimer: I am talking here about penises within the bell curve. I am not qualified to speak on micropenises, for example. For men dealing with that issue, I would recommend finding a specialist/therapist for support.
Some very good posts indeed from all concerned. Its good to see a proper dialogue on this difficult issue without the manure one sees all the time across the web. As someone who is perpetually annoyed by the spam emails and ludicrous (and false) enlargment adverts.
To Treva & Sigh & Induced, I completely understand your viewpoints. The media is so saturated in the implicit or explicit message that size matters it is natural to assume that its patronising and untruthful to make the claims that the editor (Susan) is making. However, I'm not a health professional, I'm a gay guy in my 42nd year who works in law and my opinion is my own but I hope to explain some of your well articulated concerns.
Not Big = Small? -
Its our language. A restuarant serves you a slightly bigger portion then you call it massive. A penis is a tad under average, the girl says tiny becuase it makes the story more interesting. Its humans exaggerating for effect.
Grading a girls cavity with a number-
I am sure you were being a tad mischeivous and I'm also sure you know full well women would be mortified. I would freely accept that some women have the mentality you describe. But there are plenty of men are just as dismissive!
Dumb enough to buy…-
Yes that song 'short dick' was very popular as I recall especially in the gay scene . I went to You tube as I wasnt sure what you meant and I confess to being very surprised to see 12 year girls dancing to this and then mocking small men and then posting it on the net. Its a wierd trend but there is no need to extrapolate from it.
A Final Thought-
3 years ago, 2 documentaries were made on a man with a 3.5 inch penis in the UK. It was called 'my penis and I'. It was a very moving and inspirational story and despite some awful experiences and rejections he did find a partner eventually. He also went to the USA to talk to a club with men with 5 inch penises and learnt techniques and viewpoints to cope with his sense of self. A worthwhile watch to those who are depressed about this issue.
Real Size?
You may have heard that the male gay scene is promiscuous. Its entriely true. Back in the day I perhaps had my full share of partners and then some, to the tune of 300? In my experience Black guys are almost always over 7 and often much bigger. If we restrict ourselves to white guys then Susan's stats are closer to the truth. 6 is probably the most common size. About a quarter were over 7, but out of about 250 white guys I think maybe 10 were over 8? so there is a sudden drop off at that point. 5 was fairly rare but those guys are definatley out there and if you have the right attitude (both partners) it needent be too big an issue. There are so many other things you can do. Some of my girlfriends are size queens and they tell me they are open about it to avoid poor hookups. But I know other girlfriends who are more open minded and happy to see the whole person and not focussed on the issue at all. My partner of 7 years is very average and, perhaps unusually for my ilk, I really wouldnt change it, because its part of him. Lastly Treva, why dont you look up another song called “Size Matters (but not how you think)”. Peace to All. Ron
AWESOME comment, ron, thank you! Some much needed perspective here.
Wow, so I guess it's true what they say about BBDs! Interestingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, one rarely sees research including comparisons by race. I suspect it's not politically acceptable.
Your field report is useful, and it definitely reflects larger penises overall than one would find in the general population, at least based on the stats I've been able to track down. I imagine that one factor is that gay men seeking promiscuous sex are obviously a self-selected group, probably excluding many men who have concern over size, or consider themselves smaller than average.
You make a very important there- one which is lost on a lot of people.
If you ask most people what the average size is they tend to say 'about 7 inches'
It doesnt matter whether they are male or female.
Men say it to appear larger themselves and women say that because the average of their partners probably is 7 inches.
Because larger guys, straight or gay, are very promiscous in general. So girls tend to be overexposed to larger guys.
In my experience smaller guys tend to make very faithful long term relationships. Again true in gay and straight world from what I can gather.
I am generalising, I am no porn star myself and there plenty like me but I am just stating there are some strong trends here.
Its not suprising that girls arent aware of that, just as its not surprising when men get worried when women talk about 7 as 'Joe Average'. Its a subtle information breakdown. I think women (and perhaps men too) should take a trip to nudist beach and realise the variation. I would call 6-6.5 average and I have seen more than most women so I hope that puts the previous posters minds at rest. I have also read that gay guys have fractionally bigger ones- even more good news for those who want the straight average to be lower!
To Ron, Is that realy the case that gays are bigger? Sure you are not patting yourself on the back there? (lol)
If I had my way they would ban porn because it makes men think they need 10 inches minimum. Its crazy.
Interesting views on the confidence = size thing.
I have had about 12 partners, mostly about 7 and a little bit over and in honesty I didnt think there was any pattern. Some were shy, some cocky, the smallest was a comedian. So I'm not sure I would agree with Ron on that but I mentioned to my friends that 5 and half was the reported average and they were quite suprised. On a ruler that looks on the small side. Then I looked at the net and all the figures varied so I dont know if we will ever know the true average so men will worry for eternity. All my friends said that provided it wasnt too tiny and there was nothing flaccid or premature going on they could work around the size issue. So generally I agree with the blogs title. (and Ron)
I've looking through your archive, and it's funny that this one's commentary is still going strong. I think we can safely say there are limits on both ends of the bell curve, but that those limits vary from woman to woman. However, how many women actually whip out a ruler and tape measure to get accurate numbers? And no, asking the guy is not an accurate method of data gathering. They probably don't do a good job of estimated. I suppose you could do an experiment: go to a bar with various sized dildos and ask groups of women to estimate their size (since someone mentioned something similar).
Also, I saw a porn clip where they blindfolded the girl and played, “How many fingers?” One finger? Three fingers? The girl couldn't tell the difference.
This is my most read post – it gets read about a hundred times a day, which just proves how stressed out men get about this issue. There have to be many men each day who find this post who are completely average in size.
I'm glad you mentioned that porn clip. The truth is, researchers long ago dispelled the myth of the vaginal orgasm. Now they're saying the G spot doesn't exist either. The women who orgasm during intercourse due so because there is enough friction to stimulate the clitoris, but this is not available to most women. The vagina itself has enough nerve endings to feel quite pleasant, but obviously not enough to discern how many fingers.
The clitoris as the only source of female pleasure was a feminist idea promoted in the late 60s to reduce female reliance on the male gender.
If you look at the latest Masters Research, Kinsey Research & Belgium Studies you will find:
-The clitoris is a large structure that surrounds the vagina and not just a small bud at the vaginal opening
-The G- spot does exist, its a junction of several thousand nerve endings. In some women its flatter than others so isnt always easy to locate its rough texture
-The A-spot is at the back of the vagina, only accessible if the cervix has retracted. It produces excessive lubrication if directly stimulated by vibrator or penis. Some studies
show this can trigger orgasm.
-the average vagina, when enorged and lubricated can stretch to accomodate a 9 inch penis quite comfortably.
-Child birth doesnt change the length of the aroused vagina but can dramatically change the width. Some women elect to surgically tighten the vulva post birth.
-75% of women in the Belgium Studies reported width as important sexual satisfaction
-The Bio Med studies reported 80% of females suggesting width as an important factor
_The SexMatters Series of 2003 reported the most desirable penis size to be 7.7 inches length and 5.75 inches circumfrance. The subjects were all women aged 18-50.
-Micropenis, when the erect size is less than 3.5 inches is present in one every 200 males
-Deformities of the vulva are much rarer and often are not diagnosed till pregnancy
-All claimed ways to enarge penises have been proven false
-Enlargement operations are expensive and dangerous and do not change erect length
Could you please provide links? Some of this is quite surprising. Thanks. A link for every claim, please.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/5013866.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G-Spot
http://www.heretical.com/miscella/g-spots.html
it doesnt take much to find this information- there are 100s of sources
more
http://www.revirgination.net/vaginal-size.html
http://www.vaginoplastysurgeon.com/
I have tried posting additional links but it wont let me.
There are multiple links supporting each fact.
If anyone doubts the accuracy the internet has good search engines. google is good.
Medical journals from the uk, usa, australia and france are good.
Truth, however unpalatable, is its own justification
correction: I quoted the Bio Med Studies as saying 80% in favour of width
this is a typo. It was in fact 45 of 50: so 90 %. my apologies
Truth, thanks so much for all these great data. I look forward to checking it out. I agree with you about Truth. No one's interests are served by denying it.
anybody here from the uk? or read the sunday sport?
look into todays female survey- “skinny willies are awful”
shed any light?
Don't know what that is. Do you have a link?
Sunday Sport is a rather horrid newspaper. Its sexist & moronic.
But it does have a regular sex survey thats been going for 15 yrs.
My ex used to work for them.
They do have a website.. There is a section called students talk sex.
Blimey- having a big one must be like having the key to paradise! I had no idea women felt this way. I mean I'm not naive, I knew size had its relevance but to that degree? Sobering stuff.
Truth, have been checking out your links:
BBC: the shape of the full clitoris is well known. This is probably why penetration feels good, even for those women who don't orgasm from it. The bud is far more sensitive, obviously. Nothing really new here, and it doesn't change the percentage of women who don't come from penetration: 80%.
Wikipedia: Sorry, Wiki is a good backup source, but should never be used as a primary. Here's the most recent G Spot research, out within the last month, that shows it does not exist:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8439000.stm
Heretical.com is not a site with any authority or real content. Bogus, case dismissed.
Your revirgination link is a business, apparently, with poor grammar and spelling, by the way. In any case, I'm not sure what on earth this has to do with the topic of this post. The webmd site is credible, and contained the following statement:
Furthermore, it mentions that poor vaginal tone is most likely to be a complaint in women over 60!
Honestly, I do not appreciate your wasting my time. I don't know what your agenda is, but it's seriously off topic! I am not writing about vaginoplasty!
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