What Women Really Think About Penis Size

July 17, 2009

PenisWe really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size. I’ve gathered a critical mass of anecdotal evidence that tells me the problem is getting worse. Of course, guys worrying about the size of their junk is nothing new. Studies have always shown that many men are dissatisfied with their own package. And hookup culture rewards a large penis – if you’re in it for one night, the bigger the guy, the better the story. (Please note that I did not say “the better the sex.”) Study after study reveals that women don’t really care very much about penis size. To the extent that they discuss it with their friends, they are falling victim to the same cultural conditioning that has so many guys feeling anxious and inadequate.

Why should women care how men feel about their penises? Because it affects male self-esteem, which in turn affects the way guys treat women. I have recently heard a rash of stories of well-endowed guys behaving especially badly. Like having a big dick gives them license to act like a jerk. Certainly the women I’ve spoken to are convinced that well-hung guys display self-confidence, even arrogance. But I have never heard a woman say that penis size is a factor in choosing a boyfriend. That begs the question about the 90% (or more) of guys whose penises are just fine, but nothing extraordinary. Are they less inclined to make moves? Is this a case of Nice Guys With Normal Dicks finish last?

Here’s my honest take on what women want in a prick:

1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.

In a 2005 internet survey, 63% of men said that their worries started with childhood comparisons. That means boys looking at each other in a limp state in the locker room. Here’s the truth about women and flaccid peens:

  • Almost always, by the time the penis appears to us it’s ready for play. We take note of a guy’s penis once it is already erect. That is the impression that will stay with us.
  • Women see a limp penis as having nothing to do with sex. It’s for peeing, so it’s irrelevant to us.
  • Some penises are “growers” and some are “show-ers.” Penises that appear small when flaccid grow a great deal more in size when erect than those that are larger when flaccid. Sex researchers Paul Jamison and Paul Gebhard analyzed the Kinsey data on erect and flaccid penises to arrive at this conclusion.

2. Guys watch a lot of porn, and porn features penises in the top 1%. Women in porn ACT like they love it.

  • Some of the johnsons I’ve seen in porn scare the wits out of me.
  • A long penis rams the cervix every time the guy thrusts, making intercourse quite painful. Doggy-style is excruciating, as is any position where your legs are up and way back.
  • A big penis is a choking hazard. Contrary to what porn shows, most women couldn’t deep throat if their lives depended on it.
  • A huge one makes any notion of anal sex a no go. A true case of He’s Just Not Gonna Get That Into You.

3. Almost all erect penises fall into the same general range.

  • In my youth I encountered one micropenis. It was so small that when I slid my hand into his jeans, I couldn’t find it. He had amazing abs, but no penis. It was a random hookup, and I was totally unprepared to deal with the situation emotionally. I’ve always felt badly about it.
  • In my youth I encountered one gargantuan penis. It was on a guy I really liked, and I was definitely ready to go there. But when he whipped that thing out, all I could think was Childbirth In Reverse. Yikes. I think I said something like, “I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to help you with that. Have you called an agent?” Honestly, I wouldn’t even consider it. Poor guy.
  • The other penises? Yeah, I’ve seen a few. They all blend in my memory, mostly falling in the general range of average, say 4.75-6.5 inches erect. Which was 100% fine. Really.

4. When falling for a guy, personality and looks are far more important to a woman than his penis.

  • A study in the UK found that men often have a better body image, a better genital image and more sexual confidence if they have a large penis.
  • Vaginas provide a tight fit for anything that goes in there, including fingers and tampons. Any size penis will feel nice and snug inside a vagina. (Unless it’s Borat’s wife, who he says has a “vagine like a wizard’s sleeve.”)
  • Even in relationships, men continue to worry about penis size when women don’t.

85% of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partner.
Only 55% of men are satisfied with their own genitals.

  • Women can’t understand why our inboxes are cluttered with penis enlargement spam.

71% of women think men seem too concerned about the size of their penis.

5. Penises provide far fewer orgasms than tongues do.

  • “It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.
  • Women love to have intercourse, it does feel really good. And we know that our men love it. But honestly, most women will appreciate other techniques and approaches as part of the repertoire.
  • Research shows that guys with large penises tend to be “lazier” during sex. They experiment less, and rely more on thrusting. They assume that their size is all that’s required to get the job done.

To women I would say this: Give your partner plenty of reassurance. Tell him his cock is beautiful, or powerful, or hot, or whatever. Focus on what genuinely pleases you and give him credit for that. We women are partly responsible for this problem, and we should make every effort to correct it.

And to the guys: Seriously, dude, take a deep breath and don’t ever worry about this again. Be imaginative and giving in bed and your partner will be 100% satisfied, even if your little guy is smaller than average.

We really, really don’t care.

UPDATE 3/12/2010: Just read an excellent blog entry very much in the same spirit as this one:

Size Matters: Does This Penis Make My Ass Look Big?


It includes a good link about the facts too:



Women Don’t Care About Penis Size!, http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/06/04/25972.aspx

Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., Peplau, L. A. (2006). “Does Size Matter? Men’s and Women’s Views on Penis Size Across the Lifespan,” Psychology of Men & Masculinity Vol. 7, No. 3.

Pertschuk, Michael, M.D., and Trisdorfer, Alice, Ph.D. “Men’s bodies–the survey”. Psychology Today, November 1, 1994.

5 Pingbacks/Trackbacks

  • Escarondito

    Susan, I'm sorry I haven;t been able to comment so long but I've always looked at your newsletters and this one has forced a respond through my busy schedule. The moment you said Tom Thumb you shot the whole argument in the foot. It's not that we care what are penis looks like most of the time. It's that We care what our penis looks like to YOUR friends and YOU. You have remembered tom thumb for your entire life. And at the time your probably told your friends about tom thumb and thus dubbed him to your friends tom thumb. That is a reputation he will always have with you, and at the time he had with your friends (unless they also remembered that story as well). At a time where I made friends with a girl of ill repute, I remember I hung around her and her friends on a saturday after a party and the way the talked about some of the guys easily led me to not want to hang with them again. Unless you go through a whore phase or have alot of practice with a small pool of girls men don't know what to do in the bedroom in terms of foreplay that much. So imagine what guys might feel to hear their terrible oral and substandard penis being talked about amongst the girls the next day in their “war stories”. But hey the imagination runs wild when we think about these things. But let me know what you think if that makes a little more sense. No one wants to be the tom thumb, cause girls will introduce him to their friends without poor tom ever saying a word.

  • http://savvysexperts.wordpress.com/ V

    1. Comparing flaccid penises is deceptive and stupid.

    I'm glad you mentioned this. I think it's funny how guys are quick to openly disregard this, especially when they're the ones I'd expect to know better, heh.

  • bob

    Escarondito has it right. and so do you. You women are at fault for this. Ive always been told I was big by girls but I still don't believe them because women lie, especially about sex and relationships. Contrary to what I see on tv, men don't lie that much and when they do its a small sampling and usually obvious and meant as a joke. Its not men comparing, its women that are comparing. Even all this anecdotal crap about boys comparing sizes in the locker room and what not. I only saw that once in my school years, in boy schout camp and it was 5 of 50 boys in the corner of the lockerroom. And yknow what, now they all have boyfriends and wish gays could get married. This isn't typical behavior and only shows how much you women don't know about men. I have never heard any man label a current or ex gf or wife some stupid name based on their “junk” whether nipples or ass or whatever. All of this stuff is nothing more than projecting in my opinion. But even so, as far as size goes theres nothing that can be done about it, its not like a man can go from a size c to a dd. You say that women don't care, the fact is they wouldn't talk about it if they didn't care, unless theyre just trying to be mean or hurtful. You say you don't care and then go on to use the words l”ittle guy” and “tom thumb”. Its cause of comments like that that my entire life ive been given shit constantly by men and women about being less than 5,10'ft tall. I actually wish men used more elaborate words to describe women instead of bitch or crazy chick, that way we wouldn't be dismissed in such a condescending way. I don't think most men actually care about it, we may joke, but thats only to relieve the stress dumped on us by women constantly comparing and making such a “big” deal about even the small ones. You might try to say sometihng like men compare tits, but every guy I know have dated atleast one girl with small boobs, we like big boobs but we don't make such a big deal about it. You women do that.

  • susanawalsh

    Hey, V, I know! It's like guys are all upset about something that is totally invalid, because the basis for comparison makes no sense. I have always wondered about this – I think sometimes guys get very caught up in competing with one another, and that plays out later in their relationships with women.

  • susanawalsh

    Oh, Escarondito, I am so happy to hear from you! Thanks for commenting, I am really glad you still read HUS.

    OK, first of all, I am sorry to make light of Tom Thumb. The truth is, that was a severe micropenis situation – literally the size of my small thumb. I felt terrible about it, and have never laughed at his expense, or told that story around the campfire. I always wondered why he went into the hookup that way – I guess he wanted a normal NSA hookup experience just like every other guy has. I was sorry I couldn't give him that. And honestly, the guy with the really big penis didn't make out any better – that story I have told to my gf's, because he was so stunned that I could turn it down!

    The point is, girls are not really talking about substandard penises. We are pretty happy with whatever you've got if we like you. And whether we like you has little to do with the size of your genitals. If we can honestly give you an A for effort in bed, you're golden. You don't need to be expert – you need to be interested in what turns us on. And what turns us on has little to do with the size of your dick.

    As for oral, it's not so difficult. Show enthusiasm, keep it soft and gentle, and ask her how she likes it. Even the most experienced guys have to figure it out for each girl – we can't tell how much a guy has done before, to be honest.

    One last thing – yes, girls do discuss hookups the morning after. But it's a mistake to think they are telling stories at a guy's expense. So often I hear stories of hookups that focus on what romance there was, if any.

  • susanawalsh

    Whoa, Bob, no way I can respond to all your complaints here, but let me say a couple of things to clarify. First, “little guy” is an affectionate nickname that I apply to all penises. Kind of like “your little friend.” I apologize if that offended you. I guess I really waded into sensitive territory here.

    As for guys comparing themselves to other guys, it's not anecdotal crap, it's the result of real research, which I cite in the Sources. The point of my article is that women don't care much, don't make a big deal about it – I state that explicitly. The research also shows that men care a great deal, and worry about the size of their genitals a great deal. And that's bad. It's bad for men, because it affects their self-confidence. And it's bad for women, because men who feel needlessly insecure about their penises are less likely to approach women with confidence. It's just a stupid waste. I try in my article to set the record straight.

    I'm not saying some men don't have smallish penises. I'm saying women really aren't measuring very closely, and don't care very much. It's the same with height; I'm short but have never let that define me – when people point it out I think it's strange that they feel the need to do so. I am comfortable with my puny height. So I say lighten up a little. We all need to laugh at ourselves. So you're under 5'10″ and you have a big penis. That's not such a bad fate.

  • http://ducksmahal.com/ Audubon Ron

    You know the duckster has to get in here.

    I am bombarded everyday with advertisement from you guessed it, enlargement pills. I say, will someone please tell me what’s wrong with my penis? Look at this thing honey; do you see anything wrong with it?

    Guys want a big penis for themselves. No hold on here Susan and brace for a crash landing. There is a reason God didn’t make penis’ any longer or a guys neck any longer. (Kaboom, I am so cracking up at myself). If either were any longer there would be no babies. (I am so cracking up, right now, I can’t believe I wrote that).

    So, what are you telling me dear, I need to get a penis reduction?

    Okay, newsflash, as we get older guys don’t just get long in the tooth. (Badaboom, I’m on a roll.)

    Srsly, as we get older, like my age, sex gets really good.

    Nuther newsflash, if we get in shape, get abs, loose weight and the like, guess what, the old hooper looks bigger.

    Now on porn. I just don’t have any interest in it. It objectifies women. I have watched it but it’s the same old skanks doing the same old thing and it has no place on my radar.

    Thanke for the opportunity to comment on the long and the short of this issue.

  • http://ducksmahal.com/ Audubon Ron

    PS tongue vs coidal alignment. Got them both down pretty good.

  • Name

    We love you women but we don't care that you don't care. Truly.

    As an aside, I thought it was interesting to read about Ron confessing to wanting a big penis for himself. Freudian slip Ron baby? Even though I think he sounds like a wee bit of a pinhead, I am kidding him and he is right. Most men know deep down that their dicks are fine. We just wouldn't mind the option of having a solid thick heavy 9 inch piece of manmeat to whip out and impress at in line at the supermarket, school, parties, orgies, bunko parties, work and even on TV if Howard Stern pays us enough.

    And if I suddenly wake up with a big schvanstucker, that baby is going to be unfurled in the mens room like it is Old Glory. I am standing a foot from the urinal. Everyone is going to know about it from the first to the 15th floor. If I lucky enough to be in college with the same large organ, I am playing show and tell with every co-ed this side of the Mississippi. I am so damn proud of it I am getting it casted and bronzed.
    Yeah it's juvenile and suspiciously like the red expensive sports car. But it's true. Micro dick or mega large cock and most men will go with mega every time. Now, for me, as you probably have gathered my length and girth are average with no real complaints. Would I like more girth and length? Sure why not? My brother on the other hand has a donkey dong. Reportedly 9 inches when erect and freakishly thick. Now my edge is that I am 2 inches taller. Would I trade my height for his schlong? Probably not as I like my height. But I might have to give it some serious thought!

  • Blowme

    This question is slightly off topic but related to cock… I heard from a friend of a friend that it is true that there are women out there who won't give a blow job to their husbands? Are their women out there who don't suck dick? If so, WTF is that all about? I can understand (barely) why women wouldn't want to swallow but to not give head? That's fricking un-American.

    Is it truly possible that they somehow got some schmuck to marry them knowing that once they did they were never getting any oral sex ever again? Insane insane insane. Whats the word on this ladies? Please tell me this is a vicious rumor.

  • Wookie

    Be a good troll and go back to hiding under that bridge.

  • http://ducksmahal.com/ Audubon Ron

    Not sure why I sense the name person who doesn’t give one writes like a woman.
    Nobody says Ron baby. If I were near a guy who called me Ron baby, I would give him all the room he needed at a urinal and leave the men’s room at once.
    Susan, you’re not playing a dual role here are you?

  • Janipurr

    Bob. Dude. Really, we don't care. Really. I have never discussed penis size with my girlfriends. Ever. We've discussed how good men are in bed–which has way more to do with how much attention they pay to us and almost nothing to do with whether or not they have a big dick. I have slept with a micro-dick, and it would have probably been OK, if I had gotten some other kinds of attention. He was in such a hurry that the whole episode was disappointing. I have also turned down a mega-dick–it was just too scary at the time!

    Now, I've never been a real lover of oral. Maybe I've just never been with anyone that was any good at it. However, it's just never done anything for me. I also don't get off much on giving it. I would much rather have a slow seduction and some manual stimulation. My current BF is very much average in penis size, possibly a little on the small side, but I am probably going to marry him because of the way *he treats me*, not because of anything to do with how awesome he is in bed. Maybe guys should be more worried about their behavior, and a little less about their penis size.

  • susanawalsh

    Janipurr, I love you, I really do. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have some female company in this conversation! Wow, I really hit a nerve with this one.

    I also love what you have to say. Your story is proof that women want (and deserve) a lot, but it needn't be all about sex. I wish it were possible to shift the focus to behavior – the truth is, some guys have it figured out, some guys are still figuring it out, and some guys will never get beyond it. Congrats on finding a great guy.

  • Decoybetty

    I just went to see an exhibit about Pompeii while I was in LA. and All the statues that were found of men the guys have incredible small penises. So, naturally, my uncle, cousin, and I started talking about it. I guess culturally it was a better to have a small penis in the culture it was a sign of … well I am not sure what…but despite the sculptures having rock hard abs, sculted arms and thighs they had wee penises.

    And I honestly don't care at all, and haven't seen enough penises to know what is average or not.

  • susanawalsh

    Hi Decoybetty, I don't know if you've ever seen it, but Michelangelo's David has a pretty small penis. I never noticed until I was standing there right in front of it. What was good enough for Michelangelo is good enough for me!

  • bekijo

    This is a conversation I had with my ex-husband over and over. I never and I mean NEVER cared about his penis size. He was the one that was bothered by it, and let me tell you it is of average size. Now let me tell you my own personal observation. Length was never any big deal to me….girth was.

    After my ex-hubby, I dated a guy that was fairly long, we're talking a good 7 inches, and he was thin, there was no girth, so really sex didn't feel all that good, because I couldn't really feel it.


  • susanawalsh

    It's true; to the extent that women do indicate a preference, they care more about girth than length. But I think it's all about the brain. Sex with a real, intimate connection can be fabulous no matter what the equipment looks like. And a random hookup is unlikely to be mind-blowing regardless of how perfect the penis is.

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    Yes, to the extent that women do care about size, it’s girth they mention rather than length. Either way, it is so much more about the brain than the penis. A real intimate connection could make sex fabulous regardless of the equipment, and a random hookup with a stranger is not likely to be mind-blowing no matter what his stuff looks like.

  • Screwtape

    Interestingly, I have never thought of men comparing penis size as something meant to impress women. I suppose nominally it is supposed to be that, much like nominally women dress up for men's benefit. But just as women usually dress up as a status thing among them, men consider the size of a man's dick as relative to his status. A man deriding another man's cock is like a woman disdaining another woman's sense of style. True this is not always the case, there are men who don't play that game, just as there are women who don't give a damn about dress, but among those who do it is all about power (or potency, as it were…) and status.

    So naturally when women talk about a guy's dick it makes them nervous as it can have an effect on how he is perceived by other men. If someone who dislikes him hears a bunch of women slandering his size, that information will be used against him mercilessly.

    In so many ways we humans never really get all the way out of the high school mentality. Funny, in a way.

  • susanawalsh

    Hey, Screwtape, I find your response so interesting. It's clear from what guys are saying that it really is all about approval from buddies. So even if women don't care about penis size, it doesn't make a difference – guys don't feel reassured because we don't have the cred to reassure them. And does that mean that the flaccid comparison is the relevant one? I've read that it's the same with hooking up – it's less about the sex and more about what he can say about the sex to his friends the next day. I agree that it's very Ridgemont High.

    I suppose your analogy to women and dressing up is also very true. I'm always surprised at how hard girls work to get ready to go out – I've often got half a dozen college girls at my house getting ready for an hour or more. It's a group activity, swapping clothes, makeup and gossip. Of course, not one of the guys they're going to hang out with could describe one of their outfits the next day if his life depended on it. But that really is beside the point.

  • mynamesux

    well from my experience it all depends on the girl/woman. my current fiance when we first met cheated on me because she wanted a bigger penis. yes she had had one before and she told me they felt better to her. “filled her up more”. so one summer she worked as a life guard and heard a guys nickname was “donkey” so she cheated on me with him just because she wanted a bigger penis again. sad thing is she had my baby inside her which she was pregnant for about 4 months. so we are still trying to work things out but its hard. specially when she still says “every man should come with at least 8 inches, thats ideal”, so i go everyday wondering when she's gonna start a fuss with me on purpose again like the first time so she can run off and get laid to get a bigger dick again. i wish it were true. size doesn't matter, but in fact it does to some.

  • susanawalsh

    mynamesux, thanks for leaving a comment. Seriously, if this woman were not the mother of your child I would tell you to have nothing to do with her. That is horrible. Every man should come with at least 8 inches? Sorry, but that is less than 1% of the population. Going with a guy whose nickname is Donkey? Is this woman a porn star? I have NEVER heard a woman speak that way. I think you need to find someone who loves you for your brain and your heart, not the size of your dick.

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  • Bob Smith

    If a woman were to come clean and tell the absolute truth regarding her ideal penis size preference, she would run the risk of diminishing the size of the pool of her potential suitors. This is why most women lie about penis size preference. Women know that men talk to each other. So, a woman is very unlikely to ever admit that she prefers larger equipment when talking to a male about that particular subject. If she is honest about it and spills the beans, she knows that the man to whom she is talking will probably tell a male friend about her size preferences. And that friend will tell another man. And so on. And then she will be labeled (unfairly, in my opinion) as a materialistic slut. And then she will have to move to a new city in another state, in order to bag a man with a large schlong and a fat wallet. So women lie about this subject, for the same reasons that anybody lies about anything – they do so out of the need for self-preservation (i.e., for survival, and for comfort).

    A pair of Russian scientists conducted an ingenious study regarding women's sexual preferences. I can dig out the actual study if anyone is interested. The upshot of it was this – women not only lie to men about their size preferences, but they lie to themselves as well. For example, most women in the study claimed to like all sorts of penises – small, average, large. But when they were asked to demonstrate the size of an “average” penis on a ruler, they consistently fell in the 17cm and up range. (In other words, most women think that what is actually an average penis in a statistical sense, is “small”, and they also think that what is actually a large penis in a statistical sense, is “average”.)

    Many other studies have proven that their is a positive correlation between the frequency of sex refusal (“I have a headache”) and the size of the male penis. Men with smaller penises are refused sex, far more often, by their female partners, than are men with larger equipment. Studies have also shown that females pick up on sociological cues from well-endowed men, and are naturally drawn to them. Well-endowed men are more confident, and they project outwardly visible cues (other than their bulges) that women pick up on subconsciously.

    Most well-endowed males do not seek out females, nor do they tend to have long-term relationships. Why? Because they don't have to worry about having a steady stream of female partners, nor do they have to worry about having a long-term relationship. They have a constant stream of potential bedmates. Women are inveterate crotch-watchers (not all of them, just most of them). And women talk about sex, with their female friends, on a regular basis. And if and when they land a “big one”, they tend to brag about it to their female friends. And that makes it even easier for the well-endowed guy to have more options in his “sex stable”.

    The best way to prove it to your own satisfaction that most women prefer men with large equipment is to think about the following question – Is a woman going to get more physically aroused when looking at a five-inch penis, or is she going to get more aroused when looking at an eight-inch penis? As a man, do you think she would tend to be more physically aggressive (especially in an oral sense), when she sees a five-incher or an eight-incher? Now we all know the answer to that one, don't we, and all the “It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean” responses we continually here from females is not going to, um, “float that boat”, for lack of a better phrase.

    To summarize, hell yes, women prefer bigger penises – it's just not wise for a woman to admit it in the company of men. Unless she wants to spend the rest of her life alone (or with guys who have large equipment who basically use her and spit her out to the curb).

    I rest my case, your honor. Have a nice lay. I mean day.

  • susanawalsh

    Hey, Bob, thanks for leaving a comment. I agree that women who care for a guy will rush to reassure him that his penis is adequate, or even big, no matter what size it is. That's because we know how insecure men are about penis size. Secondly, if we are into a guy, we'll tell him that we are into his dick, that it is so hot, etc., because it is. However, women are subject to cultural conditioning just like anyone else. If anyone is to blame for this, it's men! You guys really care much more about what other guys think of your penis, than what we think. It is so prevalent in popular culture as the measure of a guy's worth, of course women are wise to that, and fall victim to it.

    I also agree that well-endowed males exude more self-confidence, and that it serves them well in attracting women. Women do not look at crotches for evidence of flaccid penis size. For one thing, it's not a reliable test; aside from the fact that there are showers and growers, pants style plays a role there. For example, a cute guy in skinny jeans will look better endowed than the same guy in khaki slacks. The only time I've ever checked out that area on a clothed man is when he seems aroused in an inappropriate setting.

    Here's some news for you, entirely based on anecdotal evidence and feedback from my readers: An 8 inch penis is nice to look at, but otherwise a drag. It's long enough to bang the cervix during intercourse, which is quite painful. Sex from behind is agony with a large penis. It's also too much of a mouthful. We're more likely to choke as we try in vain to take a significant part of it into our mouths.

    It's not the motion of the ocean. It's the feelings you have for a man, the feelings he has for you, and what that does to your brains in making incredible sex. If we're talking a hookup, then it's how generous the guy is, how turned on he seems, and whether he knows anything about the almighty clitoris.

  • poppi3

    This is such a silly subject. I'm over 50. I've gone through the sexual revolution in one of the most sexually liberal areas of the US. I've been married and unmarried and slept around a bit. I'm a member of a gym and a sports club. I have never, NEVER, heard a man discuss the sexual aspects of a woman he has had sex with, and women I trust say they never talk about genital details of men with their girl friends. In my sexual encounters, with one exception, I have never had a woman comment on my penis. Sometimes I wish they would shower it with compliments, but it seems they are only interested in what it does, not in what it looks like. One said I was too large, but that was more a comment on her than it was on me. I'm within the average range. But so what? Even that one woman said she really enjoyed sex with me. Her vagina was a little tight, but there is a lot more to sex than vagina size or penis size. I've been with women with firm breasts and women with flabby ones, big ones and small ones. If I like the woman, the size and shape of her breasts don't matter. So I totally believe that women, if they like a man, don't much care about the size of his penis. Far, far more important for both parties, in my experience, is their attitude toward sex. If both are relaxed and want to make sex fun, then they will have a great time. If one of them has some psychological hangup to work out, chances are it won't be so good.

  • susanawalsh

    poppi3, hi, thanks for leaving a comment! This is such an articulate statement, I am really happy to hear a man lay it out this way. It IS silly, but this post is my most viewed post of all time. Hundreds of people read it every day~ you are fortunate to feel sexually confident, and you are 100% right about what women want.

  • poppi3

    This isn't a comment, really. More a thank you. Thanks for the quick acknowledgment of my comment. I've just stumbled upon your blog but like what I've read. Takes a lot of time and ambition to keep a blog like this running. My daughter (24) started one but life kept getting in the way. It is fun to read your point of view on things.

    Let me add that I don't think I am an average male, even if average in one respect. I do love to watch football and played some when I was younger. I'm still a demon on the tennis court. But I am also the family cook and I do my share of the laundry and the cleaning of bathrooms. I find gatherings of all men pretty boring. One of my biggest mistakes was joining a fraternity in college. I don't like to talk sports, or cars, or business. If there are women present I usually end up talking to them: I find them less predictable and more interesting. What do (did) I do for a living? I write things.

    Take care.

  • brian

    Wow! This is good news…I fall into 5-5 1/2 inches category. This makes me feel much better. I thought that my size was why my ex-wife left me and my children a few years ago…she began using coke and left me for another man…. I don't know why, but I thought the real reason had something to do with my penis size. I'm also glad to hear about the oral sex thing… I made every woman I've been with orgasm with my tongue…that has never been an issue….woohoo! It's weird…. because as a guy I'm not so obsessed with beauty…yeah there has to be some attraction there…it's more what's inside the heart that counts…that's what I'm after…and in my opinion once you establish your relationship for what's in the heart…then you'll both have the best sex of your lives…
    Is there any other guys that feel this way, or am I missing something here?

  • susanawalsh

    Wow, poppi3, you sound like SUCH a catch. I'm sure there are a significant number of single women reading your comment and wondering how to find you!

    It's interesting, I'm getting more and more male readers, at least, those who comment. One thing about blogging is that less than 1% of readers comment, but we sort of get to feeling that those regulars make up our blogging community. Maybe men comment more than women. I know people over 25 comment way more than those under. For example, I know that I have lots of women readers aged 18-25, but they rarely jump into the conversation.

    Having the male point of view is changing my blog, because it's changing the lens through which I'm looking at relationships. I figure that has to be a good thing, right?

  • susanawalsh

    brian, thank you so much for leaving such an honest comment. Seriously, dude, you are so average, you're right there in the middle of the bell curve. The size of your penis should never be a factor in a woman's leaving you.

    I'm so sorry your wife behaved that way, but if she was using coke, and left you and your children for someone else, the problem was her, not you. And certainly not something as simple as the size of your genitals. The fact that you don't understand why she left shows that she handled it incredibly poorly. That must have been very difficult for you and your kids.

    Glad to see you're on the oral bandwagon, sounds like you're an enthusiast, haha. Love that! Honestly, you sound mature and caring and ready for something real with a woman. I agree completely that the sex is best when the heart and mind are really invested –

    I don't think you're the only guy that feels this way, but I wish you could pass your wisdom to some of the younger guys…

  • geary42

    my wife and i have been having this conversation for awhile since her affair. she had a one night stand with a guy with a big penis like 8 to 10 inches and she couldnt really put her hand around it. I am average size 5 to 5 1/2 inches and thin. she said she did enjoy it initially but he couldnt make her orgasm. when he was done she said she told him she did and left. she says that i am better in bed but in a perfect world would like the larger penis. she also says though that i satisfy her perfectly. reading your blog gives me hope on our relationship. the fact that earlier it was discuassed that men with larger penis have a steady stream of mates and short relationships is true for the man my wife hook up with. she says she doesn't ever think about it and it's all in my head. well I hope its true.

  • susanawalsh

    geary, you are focusing on the wrong thing. There is no way that your wife had an affair to get access to a bigger penis. She was unfaithful, and in the process encountered an enormous penis. I'm not surprised he didn't please her, by the way. Men with big penises are often lousy lovers – they don't have any other technique.

    If she says she doesn't ever think about it, she doesn't. There is nothing about that experience that captured her imagination. But what gives you the confidence she will remain faithful in the future? That's what you really need to work out. Working through infidelity is hard, but couples do figure it out, either on their own or with the help of a counselor. I urge you to do the same, and to let go of the penis worry. No marriage ever ended over penis size.

  • poppi3

    I don't think this belongs in a thread on penis size, but if guys are worried about not measuring up, they might try cooking it up. As for being SUCH a catch, Susana, my first wife didn't so! But she did get me started cooking. In a typical 1950s sort of way, I complained that the dinners she was fixing were sort of boring. She rightly said that as she had a day job too why didn't I fix dinner. I got the point, got a cook book, and got cooking. And I found I loved it. It is a satisfying, and sometimes exciting form of art. As for household chores, we had kids we wanted to get more involved. We made up several short lists of chores and rotated them equally among adults and kids. No one got stuck doing all the dirty work. Everyone had to spend some time cleaning and some time cooking. Now I have two sons who are excellent cooks. When their wives sit down to a great dinner they probably aren't thinking about penis size.

  • susanawalsh

    Absolutely! During my marriage there have been times when I was working full time, and times when I was home with kids full time. During the former, my husband and I understood without even having to discuss it that we'd be sharing household duties. When I was at home, again, without even needing to talk about it, I moved into full-time housewife mode. I figured if he was the only financial provider, the least I could do was make sure his shirts were clean and pressed. My goal during those years was to make his weekends as free of unpleasant chores as possible. Now that I'm working a lot again, he has really gotten into cooking. He just said last night that grilling was the highlight of this past summer. And now he's really getting into soups for the cold weather. I doubt he would have rediscovered this love of cooking unless I had made room for it, but it's a nice by-product of my having less time. You're right, this is an example of why marriage, including sex, has very, very little to do with penis size.

  • poppi3

    I left out a word: “think.” You can figure out where it belongs. Hard to find good editors these days.

  • nfigure

    You both raise some very good and true points. I agree with your response most of all, Susana. By the way, in one response point to Bob's question, you said that an 8-inch penis is nice to look at but is impractical for actual sex; does that mean that a 5-inch penis is LESS nice to look at but is more practical for sex? Haha. =P

    One thing, though, Susana, is that you should not write off men as being more concerned with what other men think of their penises (than they are with what women think). Certainly your claim is true for some men, but NOT for all men—or even for most men!!! Your normal everyday guy is NOT worried about what other guys think of his penis. Despite popular culture's idea of what gym lockers/showers are like, most men pay as little attention as possible to other men's penises (for fear of being labeled as gay, and also because straight guys just do not enjoy seeing the junk of other guys). Most guys in the real world compare each other's “social worth” by the differential grades, salaries, jobs, careers, house size, cars, and women they get, NOT by comparing each other's penises .

    I do hope you believe me when I say that many guys out there (if not most) worry over their penis size because they only want one simple thing: for the girls they like to like them back in the same way. Look at it this way. When we (both men and women) all meet someone we're attracted to, we start to mind everything about ourselves: our appearance, the way we smell, the way we act, the way we talk, the way we walk, etc. Why? Because when we truly like somebody, we like all those things about them without compromise. And so, we become vulnerable and worry that OUR features won't give them the happiness and desire that THEIR features give us.

    It's no different when it comes to genitalia (in fact, it's even multiplied tenfold because we're naked). When a man likes a woman, he is turned on 100% by everything about her body (including her wonderful vulva), which is why he worries that his penis doesn't measure up to everything that she might like in a penis—and this is true even for guys who are already honestly being as attentive and hard-working in bed as they can possibly be (I can't stress this enough, as some women are quick to write this issue off as guys thinking sex is all about size). It doesn't matter to these guys if they find out they're big or below average; what he wants, above all else, is for that cute girl giving him so much pleasure to feel the same way about his body.

    In a weird way, it is actually more of an innocent desire to “love and be loved” than it is a selfish status thing. Which is why your bit of advice to women (to praise their partners' penises, if the woman means it and if the guy is trying his best in bed) is a very good one to do the trick for many guys out there. =)

    Anyway, I think the rest of your points are spot-on (or at least they sound logical and reasonable to me, lol). Cheers!

  • susanawalsh

    Hey, nfigure, thanks for joining this discussion! Not surprisingly, it's one many men are interested in. Just to clarify, a penis is nice to look at if we are into the man. An erect 5 inch penis is a total turnon if we are attracted to the person. So is an 8 inch penis. The question of size just isn't that important to us. If we are not attracted, then we don't want to see that penis no matter what. I know that men are often happy to have sex with a woman regardless of real attraction, but I have never heard a woman say that. Attraction on some level is a prerequisite for good sex to us. And I don't believe any woman would select a partner based on penis size, unless it's a one-night novelty sort of thing. As I mention in the post, when I laid eyes on the biggest penis I've ever seen (including in porn) I was petrified. It was an absolute dealbreaker. If I'd been in love, of course I would have made it work, but it was a fling that ended right there.

    I'm glad to hear you say that many men are oblivious to the size of other mens' penises, because as I say above, comparing flaccid penises makes no sense. Women compare breast size all the time, and it's basically right there for everyone to see (despite the fact that women can artificially enhance them). We're checking penises out in an erect state, obviously, which is not something that everyone can see.

    Finally, I agree that it all comes down to loving and being loved. Once we are loved unconditionally, we can parade around naked and feel great. That self-acceptance will occur faster when we remember to let our partners know how much they turn us on!

  • nfigure

    >>>>>>”Hey, nfigure, thanks for joining this discussion!”>>>>>>>

    Not a problem, haha. And likewise, thank you for responding (and so quickly!). I'm also happy that we could agree on the idea of “loving and wanting to be loved,” as I too feel that this is what these kinds of issues come down to, for most reasonable people out there.

    By the way, I'm VERY sorry that I wrote your name as “Susana” instead of “Susan” in my first post. As I'm new here, I didn't notice my mistake until afterward. =(

    >>>>>>”Just to clarify, a penis is nice to look at if we are into the man. An erect 5 inch penis is a total turnon if we are attracted to the person. So is an 8 inch penis. The question of size just isn't that important to us.”>>>>>>

    Well that's good to know! Thank you for the clarification. And if you don't mind me saying so, your way with words is SO lovely. You seem to know exactly what words to use for nicely coaxing away a guy's uncertainties! =)

    Needless to say, other so-called reassurances that guys find on other sites seem more backhanded and evasive than anything, and so their self-doubts just go on and on. In contrast, your words are not only straightforward and direct when addressing this issue, but they're also so sweet and kind. If a guy is not reassured by what you just said (in quotes above), then he won't be reassured by anything!!! Haha.

    So while this problem will go on and on, knowing there are women out there like you (and the others here) makes things look not so bad at all. Similarly, I hope more women will someday realize that things like breast size play absolutely no part in how attractive those kinds of features are, in the eyes of many guys. We just really like you from top to bottom, is all. 😉


  • susanawalsh

    Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it. More people find my blog by searching on the term “penis size” than anything else, which is ironic, because it's just one small post of many, most of which are geared to women! It tells me that this is an issue that many men are concerned about.

    I think being sexy is an attitude, and it requires confidence. It requires a penis, but if you've got that, then I think you're all set, haha.

  • Steve

    Wow this has been pretty interesting.

    I have had my fair share of anxieties over this issue as a guy who is a 'grower' and felt inadequate when I was younger. Now I am more relaxed in that I probably fall the lower end of average-which I think is good enough. Although strangely I am quite well built and tall-but slender featured. Similarly to the above poster I am a more creative and sensitive male – and so I realise my niche is focusing on my strengths. More sensitivity I believe can make a much better lover. Sensitivity is quite erotic.
    Bob Smith had some interesting views and probably part truths relative to some groups as opposed to 'all' which he mistakenly believes.
    I expect different women, as with many issues – feel differently on this topic through time. Just like one time you might want a sensual love making – another you might want a vigorous fuck. There is a huge spectrum in sex. The reality is some people are going to like one area more – just as some men are going to be built for that area more.
    In my cynical mind I do expect that indeed some women out of sensitivity do not admit to themselves, or are even conscious of desiring a large penis. However I also believe that many do not – and prefer one that is average.
    It has been mentioned before that very attractive women are more demanding in the size area. Perhaps they are less willing to make concessions based on their self-preception and high regard? I choose to avoid these women based on the fact that as a result of outstanding beauty they will very likely be more shallow as a result. Not necessarily their own fault but more the product of being fawned over from an early age by all men.
    I prefer more individual beauty. No one is perfect and I think the subtle idiosyncrasies are part of what makes us unique and special – nauseating as it may sound. In general I do not desire large breasts on a woman – and more often prefer small pert breasts. I find them more elegant-just as in Roman times the artists and sculptors found the large phallus to be crude and vulgar. So I can totally imagine how some women do not desire large penises.
    I think it really depends on what level we want to live our lives. Do we want a deeper connection? Or just big boobs or a big cock? Do you want to spend your life just with a big Cock? Or a big Boob?
    I know what I want.

  • susanawalsh

    Hey Steve, thanks for leaving a comment! First off, let me say that I suspect Bob Smith has an 8 inch penis and went searching the web for validation about how extraordinary he is. He was not pleased by what I had to say because it threatens his sexual market value.

    It really strikes me that you say you are a more creative and sensitive male. For the sake of conversation, let's say that makes you a beta male. I believe that men like yourself have the preferred characteristics for long-term partnership in modern society. Research shows that women are choosing these qualities over more traditional male qualities such as aggression and dominance. Those men have difficulty with strong women, and also have trouble working collaboratively with others. They are not well-positioned for the information economy we live in now.

    I actually love what you have to say about individual beauty. Any woman would, no nausea here haha! It really does come down to what's important in life. Women who commented on this post treasure their men for a whole host of reasons, not including the size of his penis. I also think it's a maturity thing – a college girl or woman just starting out succumbs to cultural bias and feels wowed by the big penis. Most of them figure out pretty quickly that doesn't correlate with happiness or satisfaction in any respect.

    In any case, you sound like you have the wisdom of experience and maturity. I give you props for making peace with your own body. There is no doubt in my mind that your “smaller than average” penis will be plenty for a woman who loves you.

  • chris

    HI all. I am with a woman, 4 years now, who told me that she was with the abusive bastard, who is also the father of her child, cause he had a huge penis and the sex was amazing. She bragged to me about his size, she told me that she bragged to friends of hers while she was with him. The sex was rough, demeaning, painful, yet she thought it was great becuase of his height and size.

    I am so very troubled, she has remembered having sex with him while having sex with me. She has told me way too much. I am now completely obsessed with size and embarrassment, even though I'm not small.

    I am stuck with images of actual sexual situations she has told me about.

  • briano06

    Sounds like she is about as insensitive and shallow as my ex-wife was. If she is bragging about this shit to you 4 years into the relationship than you need to dump her. She will continue her raving about it as time progresses. If she has any concern for your feelings whatsoever she would have stopped the first time she saw it made you feel uncomfortable.
    The fact alone that you stated “she has remembered having sex with him while having sex with me” shows just how heartless she actually is. Matters of the heart will come out during sex. Seriously man, it took me time to realize…in fact, years later after the divorce that I am much better off…let me give you a clue on how heartless my ex is…I have full custody of my children…my son's birthday was yesterday…she never called…hasn't given Christmas gifts for years nor seen them….my point in saying all this is… you are not married… and if you're girlfriend is this uncaring and insensitive now…. then it will only get worse in time…her character is showing…and you don't want to possibly be in the same boat that I am in….get out while you can…and find a real woman…they will never bring that issue up..

  • susanawalsh

    Hey chris, thanks for leaving a comment. brian06 is being too kind here – insensitive and shallow is too nice a description for this woman's behavior. You are describing deliberate cruelty. No one should ever have to listen to descriptions of sex with a previous partner.

    Any woman who would have demeaning and painful sex because of penis size is seriously disturbed. I have no idea about her past experiences, but she seems to be seeking to be utterly dominated, controlled and punished. That does not allow for healthy sex or a healthy relationship.

    You deserve so much more from a committed relationship. This woman is sapping the confidence out of you, and making you feel terrible about yourself. You have a normal penis, but now you are preoccupied that it is insufficient. And you worry about it every time you have sex.

    I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know whether counseling could fix her, but I have to agree with brian here – get out now.

  • Syn

    This is my first time seeing your newsletter and found it very sincere. I would however like to relate some of my recent experiences in hopes it will give more insight to yet another guy's persepctive.

    I'm a 30 year old male and just working through a difficult break up so bear with me. Myself, I'm having serious trouble with my self esteem, confidence and with my 'size'. Not so much a need to feel macho, but more of a fear of not fully pleasing a woman. These concerns or fears aren't helped by the fact I'm shorter than average to begin with at 5ft6in. I don't fully trust women when they say size isn't all it's cracked up to be not for the obvious reasons, but the subtle contradictions. Looking back at a couple of the women I've been with most recently, both seem to be inundated with quite larger men, men in the 7 to 9 inch range. Yes I've read the studies, and if indeed these are the abnormal 1 percentile then it must be severe coincidence. Both of these women have tried to reassure me that size doesn't matter. Is it pure dumb luck that they keep ending up with sizable men? Even as I've been talking with my most recent ex, found she went on a date with someone she met online, exchanged pics etc – and chose a guy with a sizable 9in. This is where the disbelief takes place..all people have their pasts. But it's very very hard to believe someone that says size is of no importance, then learning they knowingly chose a very large replacement. When a concern, or I guess as it's becoming in my case, almost a paranoia of not being big enough is coupled with a case of 'actions speak louder than words', it's borderline devastating. I wish I could say it's an isolated case, but of the handful of women I've spoken to that have an interest in me try to reassure me that my size is 'fine' it seems they keep choosing the largest range available.

    Now I consider myself to be somewhat intelligent, and while I tend to be more sexual than the average person in terms of desire and importance in a relationship I'm well aware that no, sex is not everything. That's no consolation. Unfortunately, the more women try to be compassionate and try to brush off the fact all the other men they go for are pornstar grade and try to be reassuring..makes it even worse. It comes across at least in my case as patronizing. Granted all guys will react differently to their feelings of inadequacy.

    Please don't misunderstand this as placing blame on women, I'm not. I'm well aware a majority of this is my own perception. The fears of being inadequate in an area that can't be changed through any amount of effort have led me to become very skeptical and depressed to the point my 'equipment' no longer performs at all now..which is pretty hard to deal with at my age.

  • chris

    You know, I have thought the same way that both of you have about all this, many times. But then I think about the really messed up, twisted ways he treated her in the relationship. Not just sexually, but emotionally, physically, financially all of it. I DID tell her many many times to stop but she just couldn't.

    I have recently been reading about Stockholm Syndrome and it describes exactly how and why she would have said and done the things that she has. You have no idea and I won't go into it as it's too painful too rethink, but I can understand what's happened to her.

    I simply can't get past seeing her with him, and IT, and the horrible, debilitating feelings of inadequacy. I sought help myself, 13 sessions and it just made things worse for me and us.

    On top of this, her f$%king ex is pushing and pushing through the courts to get custody of the little girl and to force Susannah back into contact with him.

    I don't know how to feel confident with this woman that I love so much.

    I've been through a lot in my life, but this is the worst emotional pain I have ever known.


    I want this on billboards around the bloody world.

    Girls please try to understand, you may just joke about penis size and it doesn't truly matter to YOU, but it matters to us. It's crucial to the way a man feels about himself.

    Don't destroy a man, then expect him to be one. Please.

  • chris

    Susanawalsh, you wrote “We really need to find a way to get guys to stop worrying about penis size”.

    You ain't going to love. Seriously.

    Every guy wants to be THE ONE that the girls remember, and giggle about together and think is exciting.

    The Big Guy.

    Unfortunately for me, my lady had that in her life for 6 years.

    Aguy that was 6 inches taller than me, and based on her drunken, distorted estimates, anything from 3 inches longer than me, to less than half an inch longer than me and thinner. What the hell can I believe?

    Obviously the worst is the safest thing to believe. That way I can't get smashed again by more information.

    Every guy wants to be bragged about. Same as every woman does.

    Shit this hurts.

  • susanawalsh

    What is most troubling to me is that you are in the middle of an incredibly destructive and dysfunctional relationship – the one between your gf and her ex. Regardless of what her issues are, you must recognize that this is making you beyond miserable. I'm sorry that the counseling didn't help you – I don't understand how it could possibly have made things worse.

    I hear what you're saying, that you love this woman very much, but it sounds like she is in no way emotionally available for anyone, including you. Will she ever recover from the damage her narcissist ex has inflicted? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life waiting to find out?

    As I said above, I agree with you re talking about past sex. This is NEVER ok. And demeaning a man's penis by comparing it to another is incredibly shitty. I'm not sure why you love a woman who treats you this way, but I remain convinced that you must take responsibility for your own happiness here and put yourself first. You are in NO POSITION to help her. Please help yourself – seek a different therapist, make an exit. You say that this woman has destroyed you. I urge you to reach out and get more support than I can give on my little blog.

  • susanawalsh

    Chris, I still call bullshit. A man whose woman loves him will hear from her that she loves his penis. She loves the way it looks, feels, tastes and smells. It IS him. In the post I urge women to provide this praise and reinforcement. Your example demonstrates why this is so important. Of course men are eager to believe their genitals are desirable. You were put on this earth to procreate in one sense, and you need to feel good about the equipment you do that with.

    Re bragging, that doesn't happen. Women will fuss over a penis to the guy, but I have NEVER heard a woman brag about a man's large penis. That is how I know THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN.

    I am so sorry you are suffering. I can only imagine how difficult this is. Please don't let it destroy you.

  • chris

    I'm trying not to let it destroy me, but I am in a lot of trouble. And yes, there is something very wrong with My girl (Susannah) but she has avoided getting help for a long time now.

    If I leave, she will be financially screwed and probably end up back in control with this evil f$%ker who will not let her alone.

    Everyone is telling me to be selfish and leave, but I just can't bring myself to put me, above the needs of a little girl and Susannah.

    There has been troubling signs of sexual grooming when the little girl stays with him, not enough for the authorities to act, but enough.

    And all I can think about is Susannah, young, on drugs, partying and getting slammed by her big dick tall boss (did I mention that?).

  • chris

    Hi Bob. Can you find that study by the russian scientists for me mate?

  • chris

    “You guys really care much more about what other guys think of your penis, than what we think. It is so prevalent in popular culture as the measure of a guy's worth, of course women are wise to that, and fall victim to it”.

    Susanawalsh, that first bit is not right.
    Of course we care what women think of our penises, our bodies.
    If it weren't for women like the one I'm with, I wouldn't give a damn what guys think.

    Because women see a big guy and a big penis as exciting and as a staus symbol, AND because it is instinctive to seek out the bigger guy (bigger=stronger=better provider of food and shelter), because of these things we of course worry how we appear to women.

  • susanawalsh

    Well I got that from the research that says 63% of men started worrying by comparing their penises in childhood. Also, Name above says it's all about what you've got to show for yourself in the locker room.

    I maintain that a woman with healthy self-esteem will not care one whit about penis size. If a woman needs a big penis as a status symbol, that is bizarre. For one thing, as we've discussed before, no woman should be discussing any penis other than her partner's. If that is private information, how could she possibly derive status from it? Unless she has a warped sense of self-worth, and the big penis feels like an achievement she can be proud of. Again, that is very troubling.

  • Steve

    Syn – do you think you might be creating a self fulfilling prophesy by becoming fixated on this issue, and with your low self esteem choosing women who are shallow so that this really IS an issue for them? The point I think is that its quite likely that size IS important for some women and less so for others. Are you really interested in a woman who holds this measurement to such high regard? Do you honestly think someone would dump you because of your size?
    I think it is more likely that the anxiety and concern of this issue – the lack of confidence – causes more of an issue than the physical reality…
    I bet there are so many things about you as a person that are unique and great – that many women will love. It is absurd to consider that what you amount to is simply the length of your penis.
    I dont deny that the penis is a symbol of masculinity – but there are also so many other marks of what makes a man. You should think about what they are for you.
    I do understand that it can be difficult to deal with the height issue. A very close friend of mine also felt that this was an issue. All I can say is that dont feel the need to overcompensate. You simply need to find similarly proportioned women! They are out there – after all – you are here – so in all likelyhood there will be many other women who will suit you in this regard. Widen your search…
    You cant do anything about your body in this regard. Learn to love it and work on your self esteem. Confidence and self love are more attractive qualities overall and that is something you CAN do something about. Get some books, find a good therapist and work through it. THAT is being a man-taking charge of your situation and working through it.

  • corimic

    I really think that the size of men penis depinds a lot of every woman ,some wants a big penis in erectie and some want more a quality sex than a big thing.

  • novaseeker

    Michelle Langley has written, in her book on female cheating, that women vastly prefer larger to smaller, and that they only say that they don't to appease male egos. She says that women compare notes about penis size, and that men with larger penises are widely preferred for affairs. She also has an anecdote about a woman she knew who, upon seeing the penis of her affair partner, resolved to bring him to orgasm orally to prevent him from entering her vaginally, due to his small size, and broke off the affair thereafter. She says that men should be aware that small penis size is a downer for them, and just accept it.

    Now, when I read Langley my first thought was that she was writing that to get digs in at men, because she hates the beauty double standard. But she's every adamant about what she writes. Have you ever read her, Susan?

  • susanawalsh

    novaseeker, I've never heard of her before, so I did a bit of research via Google. Mostly what I got were links heavy on marketing her books and ebooks. Nothing wrong with that, but she certainly hasn't appeared anywhere in the mainstream press. And her testimonials are all from people with names like Dr. D. It looks to me like she has found a profitable niche in the dissatisfied men camp. This is from her own Bio page:

    “Michelle Langley was a professional public speaker, specializing in career development, for over 11 years. After her interest was sparked by a series of unrelated incidents, she began an independent inquiry into women's sexuality which lasted for more than ten years.”

    I'm sorry, but I consider those qualifications very lightweight for a person speaking on cheating with authority. On the other hand, she is eminently qualified to be a blogger like me :)

    So I call BS on her claims about women and penis size. Maybe her ten years of research was her own exploration of penises, idk. I do incorporate research into this post that I believe offers compelling evidence that men care WAY more about this issue than women do. But I feel quite secure on this topic anecdotally as well. I have NEVER heard a woman speak derisively about the size of a man's penis. I have heard women say matter of factly that they have been with men of various sizes. A woman will couch this in terms of “bigger is better” because it is pretty deeply embedded in our culture. She may think WOW when a big penis appears. But it won't make a difference to her sexual satisfaction, except perhaps in the negative ways that I have outlined above, which are very real.

    I think you know, novaseeker, that while we love sex, we're after lots of other stuff from men. Basically, if the plumbing works, we're down. Women see the penis as magical, the source of life, and we love making it orgasm. We have the advantage here, since a man's orgasm may be viewed 100% externally. 4″, 8″, I truly believe we don't care.

    Lastly, this is one of those areas where I think men suspect the grass is always greener. Only the outliers make a strong impression. I would say that 80-90% of penises fall into the range of “Looks good, let's go.”

  • novaseeker

    Susan, that has always been my understanding, too. Just wanted to point out that there is other female-based information about this out there that can confuse men. Here is a transcription of the relevant section from her book, just so you are aware (it's written in a hokey question-and-answer format):

    “If she really wants to have intercourse, why would she decide
    not to?

    Because after messing around with the guy, she might realize
    that intercourse with him is unlikely to be fulfilling.

    You mean she thinks the guy won’t be good in bed?

    Exactly. During the messing around stage, she might discover
    that the guy has a small penis and decide to pass on intercourse. It
    just may not be worth the miles.

    What, are you kidding me? A woman might decide not to
    sleep with a guy because he has a little dick?

    You may want to believe that the size of a man’s penis doesn’t
    matter, but it can matter a lot—especially during a woman’s sexual

    A few times during my research I was able to interview both
    partners in a relationship. I remember this thirty-six year old, very
    attractive divorced woman who had started seeing the recently
    promoted president of the bank where she worked. The guy was a
    twenty-nine year old, average looking, married man.

    The guy was married?

    Yeah, he was married and his wife was pregnant with their first

    What an asshole.

    Would it have been better if he had waited until his wife had
    the child and the child was older, like you did?

    I’m not saying that…I just…

    Kevin I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I am just trying to
    help you get it. Unless we stop judging people we’re never going
    to understand this aspect of our behavior.

    Go on with the story.

    Anyway, this man and woman started out talking and flirting
    with each other, then began meeting for drinks. Over a period of
    three months, they talked about the possibility of him leaving his
    wife and the two of them starting a life together, but they didn’t
    have sex—only kissed and fooled around. One night while they
    were together, the woman decided to give the guy oral sex and
    that’s when she found out that he had a really small penis.

    I can’t believe that people tell you this kind of stuff.

    I’ve found that people are pretty open about their experiences
    if you are interested in what they have to say and don’t judge them.
    After having oral sex with this guy the woman wasn’t interested
    in him anymore. She said she knew that sex with him wouldn’t
    be fulfilling.

    She didn’t tell the guy she didn’t want to see him anymore
    because he had a little dick, did she?

    No, unfortunately she didn’t.

    What do you mean unfortunately? No man wants to hear that.
    You don’t know what that can do to a guy’s self-esteem.

    I think I do. It probably makes a man feel the same way a
    woman feels after she has a child and her vagina has stretched
    out, or the way many women feel when they start getting older
    and believe they are no longer sexually desirable to men. Don’t
    think these things affect a woman’s self-esteem any less than they
    affect a man’s. Society has just always been more protective of
    male self-esteem.

    Well what happened, what did she tell the guy?

    She told him she didn’t feel right about being with a married
    man. To make a long story short, the guy ended up leaving his
    wife. That’s what he thought she really wanted. It was very sad. He
    lost his wife and his job over it.

    Did she ever tell him the truth?

    No, she told him that she just couldn’t live with the guilt of
    breaking up his family. She lied in an effort to protect the man’s
    feelings as well as his image of her. Over a year later when I talked
    to him, he was still trying to figure out what went wrong. He said
    he still loved her and believed she loved him. He thought there
    was a possibility that they would be together someday.

    Okay. In that particular case, it would have been better to
    tell the guy he had a little dick. But, I am curious…why does the
    size of a man’s penis matter so much?

    You’re kidding me, right?

    No, I’m not kidding. Why does it matter?

    When females are in their prime, they want to have intercourse.
    If a man has a small penis, a woman doesn’t feel anything. It’s just
    common sense. If you stick your finger into an empty mason jar you
    don’t feel anything, do you? A larger penis stimulates the clitoris.

    But if a woman doesn’t screw around with every guy who
    comes along, she stays tight and doesn’t have to worry about it.

    No, Kevin. Then the guy doesn’t have to worry about it. Men
    don’t want to be judged like women for their physical attributes.
    Men don’t want to be compared with other men like women have
    always been compared with other women. Do you know, when I
    was in junior high, my health teacher told our all-female class that
    we should wait to have sex until we were married because if we
    started having sex before then, we would be all used up and no
    man would want to marry us?
    The myth that women get stretched out and used up if they
    sleep with a lot guys is just another one of the lies employed to
    deter females from having numerous sexual partners. Having a
    baby or passing a basketball through the vagina is going to stretch
    it out a bit, but a quarter-inch to an inch or two in circumference
    isn’t going to make much of a difference.
    Guys aren’t worried that females will get stretched out from
    sleeping with other guys; they’re afraid that females will find more
    enjoyable penises. Men are afraid that their penis is going to be
    compared to other penises.

    So that’s how women find out if guys have big penises. They
    mess around with them.

    Sometimes they find out by word of mouth, through their girlfriends
    and through male friends of the men who have big penises.

    Women don’t mind if their friends sleep with the same guy
    they’re sleeping with?

    No, that’s not how it works. Let’s say a female meets a guy, has
    sex with him and then tells her friend, or friends, about the sexual
    encounter which includes the size of the guy’s penis. One or more
    of the females she tells may at some future point seek out the guy
    and have sex with him, but she won’t usually go back to her friends
    and talk about having done so.

    It’s kind of like when a guy gets a really good blow job. He
    tells his friends and then they try to get one, too.

    It’s a lot like that. I once interviewed a man who had been
    with several married women, nine to be exact. At the time that I
    interviewed him, I was already aware that females did this, so when
    he told me how many married women he had slept with, I knew
    he had to have a large penis. He also mentioned that he didn’t go
    out looking for married women; they just seemed to find him. I
    remember thinking to myself at the time, I’m sure they did.
    I ended up getting an interview with the married woman he
    was sleeping with at the time. I asked her if the guy was hung well
    and she said, very well. Then I asked her if, prior to sleeping with
    him, someone had told her about how big the guy’s penis was.
    Her answer was yes, but she wondered how I knew. Turns out, one
    of her friends had slept with him a couple of years before, so she
    looked him up.
    There was another guy I interviewed whose male friends regularly
    commented on the size of his penis. The majority of this guy’s
    friends were married and, over the years, he’d slept with all but
    three of the eight wives. All of the wives had pursued him.

    That blows my mind. I can’t believe women do that. So, even
    if a woman is just naturally really tight, will she still want a guy
    who’s hung pretty well?

    This is really bugging you. I guess you must have a small penis.

    It’s not bugging me. I was just asking.

    Kevin, even when a woman is really tight, when she gets really
    turned on—you know, really wet—her vagina opens up and
    even a large penis doesn’t seem so large. However, a small penis
    can be frustrating and completely unfulfilling for a woman. I am
    telling you, this is just one more reason why men don’t want to
    compete in the mating game. If men were aware of some of the
    desires that women have, they would have to compete the way
    women compete for men—hair, makeup, implants, clothes, you
    name it. Men would have to put a whole lot of work into competing
    for women just like women have for years ensured their support
    and survival by competing for men.

    Men have always had to compete for women. They just compete
    with money.

    But that leveled the playing field for all men, unattractive men
    and men with small penises.

    You’re right. Every guy knows, little dick or not, as long as he
    has cash he can get a woman.

    Yeah, but what happens when women don’t need money, when
    they have their own money, when they have the opportunity to
    provide for themselves? The problems we’re facing today in our
    relationships are directly related to the fact that women are now
    in a position to provide for themselves. Many women no longer
    fear for their survival or financial support.
    When a woman doesn’t have to worry about herself financially,
    she’s a lot more interested in physical appearance and sexual
    pleasure. We are just starting to see glimpses of women’s natural
    sexual behavior. Our relationships are changing due to the opportunities
    that women now have.”

  • susanawalsh

    ;alkdjfa;lkdfjasd OMG I don't even know where to begin. This bitch has a vendetta against men. I would dismiss the whole thing wholesale, but just so you and any future readers know, I'm going to set the record straight on a few things:

    1. “If a man has a small penis, a woman doesn’t feel anything. It’s just
    common sense. If you stick your finger into an empty mason jar you
    don’t feel anything, do you?”

    Come on guys, you've fingered a woman. Does it feel like a finger in an empty jar? A vagina is tight around your finger. It's tight around a tiny tampon, or else they'd fall out. I am thoroughly disgusted by this.

    2. Penis size has NOTHING to do with clitoral stimulation. 75-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Research shows that if a woman's vaginal opening is more than 1 1/8 inch from her clit, she will not orgasm from intercourse alone. Certain positions can help bring a woman to O during intercourse. Obvs, woman on top is one. The other is when the male slides in and up during missionary, creating a drag on the clit.

    3. She is right re the vagina not stretching. Don't think that a woman being tight says ANYTHING about her number. The vagina is very elastic – intercourse does not stretch it out. Childbirth can, but this is almost always handled at the time of birth with an episiotomy + stitches, which is a 100% solution, and one that husbands appreciate 😉

    4. “when he told me how many married women he had slept with, I knew
    he had to have a large penis.”

    No, he had confidence and a way with women. It is true that men with large penises can get very cocky (I looked it up, the term did not originate this way). But a man with confidence will achieve success with women regardless. Also, I am rather put off by this woman's stories of adultery as gossip or entertainment. I don't believe she is treating this subject matter at all appropriately.

    5. ” However, a small penis can be frustrating and completely unfulfilling for a woman. I am telling you, this is just one more reason why men don’t want to
    compete in the mating game. If men were aware of some of the
    desires that women have, they would have to compete the way
    women compete for men”

    Oh yeah, this woman has been badly burned by one or more men. God, I am sorry you spent money on this book. She should be reported, but to whom? The Better Business Bureau?

    6. “When a woman doesn’t have to worry about herself financially,
    she’s a lot more interested in physical appearance and sexual

    Actually, the opposite is true. This has been studied in the last 15 years as women have achieved greater earning power. The researchers hypothesized that since women were more financially independent, they would resort to the same priorities as men. That is, a greater emphasis on physical appearance and a diminished requirement for financial resources. To their surprise, they found that women's priorities were unchanged by their own financial success. Looks still were not at the top of the list, and they still wanted a man with significant ability to provide for theoretical offspring. We are hard-wired through many thousands of years of evo programming. 50 years of women's rights doesn't change a thing.

    Novaseeker, I hope I have succeeded in thoroughly dismantling this woman's claims. Hell, I'm an amateur blogging and every single thing I've put here is in my head – this information is well known. This woman is a total charlatan.

  • anonymous

    I gotta question for the girls. Mine is a little bigger than 5 and a half or 5 and three quarters. And im always worried that its way to small. its also 5 and half in girth. I'm just wondering is that small or is that satisfying?

  • NO NAMe

    I gotta question for the girls. Mine is a little bigger than 5 and a half or 5 and three quarters. And im always worried that its way to small. its also 5 and half in girth. I'm just wondering is that small or is that satisfying?

  • No Name

    I gotta question for the girls. Mine is a little bigger than 5 and a half or 5 and three quarters. And im always worried that its way to small. its also 5 and half in girth. I'm just wondering is that small or is that satisfying?

  • susanawalsh

    It's MORE than enough! Re-read this post!

  • Matty

    Loved this post!!! If you look on the intenet about woman and penis size the post that show different women replying state that penis size is not the end all be all and that they prefer average. However some sites say bigger is always better but look into these websites and you will find that are tryin to sell you a gimmick on how to increase your penis size. My advice is to comit to foreplay as long as you can and oral sex until she quivers!!!

  • susanawalsh

    Matty, you make a very important point. If someone stands to make money for their advice, you should be careful. Penis enlargement products are a scam designed to prey on men's insecurities. The solution is exactly what you propose. Women want love, we want relationships. Yes we want sex, but as long as the plumbing works, we're happy.

  • susanawalsh

    Matty, you make a very important point. If someone stands to make money for their advice, you should be careful. Penis enlargement products are a scam designed to prey on men's insecurities. The solution is exactly what you propose. Women want love, we want relationships. Yes we want sex, but as long as the plumbing works, we're happy.

  • valmont

    what about the foreskin and circumcision?


  • valmont

    an interesting video on the subject


  • susanawalsh

    Hahaha, that's hilarious!

  • sexrefusal

    OK Bob. Where are your references?…. Yeah, I thought so. B&* Sh&t
    Women are far more complicated than that.

  • bigboync

    hi, i am 6'5″ tall and my penis is 7.5″ long and 6″ of girth while erect. does this sound like an ideal penis?

  • susanawalsh

    Did you read the article? There is no ideal, they're all great!

  • tina


  • tina

    Hi Susana,
    I agree with some but not all of what you say regrding M Langley.
    Actually there is an increasing number of women in the media who hold that view.
    Julie Burchill and the Catherine Townsend of Cosmopolitan for example.
    Two recent seperate studies showed 90% od women thought girth importnat (Eisman)
    In the UCLA study 70% of women with small penised partners were unsatisifed.
    Lastly, have you never heard women talk about small penises? not even in your 20's?
    My social group did all the time and men with small girth were very unpopular.
    In my experience, a thinner penis means you cant feel anything- so it is frustrating, more so if you love the guy.
    I do feel for men. There are mixed messages and people are so judgmental these days.

  • susanawalsh

    Hi Tina,

    Thanks for leaving a comment, welcome to HUS. I never heard of M. Langley until Novaseeker asked me about her, but after checking her out online, it's clear she's a fraud. My guess is that she wrote her book to get revenge on a cheating husband (with a small penis). I am not familiar with either Julie Burchill or Catherine Townsend, nor do I consider Cosmopolitan an authority of any kind.

    The Eisenmann study asks a small sample of women (50) whether penis length or width is MORE important. It did not assume any level of importance for either. It concluded that width is more important than length, possibly because a wider penis MAY stimulate the clitoris more during intercourse. However, Eisenman allows for the possibility that this preference is entirely psychological, not physiological. Masters and Johnson, in their studies, found that girth made no difference whatsoever.

    I can honestly say that I have never heard women talk about thin penises. Not even in my 20s. As I say in the post, we shared stories about the outliers – very large penises, and micropenises. We never cared much about the details of length and width for all those penises inside the bell curve.

    It makes no sense to say you can't feel anything with a thin penis. Women do not have vaginal orgasms, so while it's possible you can feel the difference between thin and thick, it would have little to no effect on your orgasm. Orgasms are clitoral, and the clitoris may be stimulated in any number of ways.

    Hmmm, I wonder whether you are M Langley? You seem to have a dog in this fight, and I wonder why.

  • Tina

    Hi again. Wow u don't take kindly to those with an alternaive view do u? I had never heard of Langley either so I'm pretty sure we are not the same person. She seems a bit of a nut to me. I was merely saying that plenty of women have voiced similar opinions in the media. If u haven't heard of the 2 examples I gave perhaps u have heard of lily Allen, rianhha, danni minogue, anna David, alesha dixon, dr ruth? Many women don't orgasm from intercourse but still adore that fantastic filled sensation from penetration. U don't get that with an inadequate penis. Sorry

  • susanawalsh

    No need to be sorry. I don't have a penis, so it's not personal to me. I just think it's unhelpful to state categorically what constitutes inadequacy. By all means, find yourself and stallion and have at it.

  • Tina

    Well I wasnt doing that actually- I was simply saying that women have publically said it matters and from my personal experiences I understand where they are coming from.

    Anyway- didnt you reject a guy yourself due to size? Micropenis effects every 1 in 200 men so thats hundreds of thousands of western guys that would be too inadequate for you too?

    (micro is less than 3.5 inches)

    And why the hostile comment about stallions? Like you I object to massive ones too. Most women I know dont like it over 9 inches- I know very few proper 'size queens' but equally I dont think I know anyone who would be happy with the opposite. Simply put, the vast majority of women are not sexually attracted to short stature men or satisfied by small penised men. Thats surely not contraversial is it?

  • Tina

    Well I wasnt doing that actually- I was simply saying that women have publically said it matters and from my personal experiences I understand where they are coming from.

    Anyway- didnt you reject a guy yourself due to size? Micropenis effects every 1 in 200 men so thats hundreds of thousands of western guys that would be too inadequate for you too?

    (micro is less than 3.5 inches)

    And why the hostile comment about stallions? Like you I object to massive ones too. Most women I know dont like it over 9 inches- I know very few proper 'size queens' but equally I dont think I know anyone who would be happy with the opposite. Simply put, the vast majority of women are not sexually attracted to short stature men or satisfied by small penised men. Thats surely not contraversial is it?

  • susanawalsh

    Tina, you are certainly entitled to your preferences, and I would never tell you that you're wrong. There is no absolute. I wrote this post based on the research I cited and my own anecdotal experience. I did abandon a hookup once when I encountered a micropenis. This particular penis was about the size of my thumb erect. It was about the size of an infant penis. I did feel terrible, as I said, but I had no idea how to proceed. However, I didn't run screaming out of the room. I just declined to have intercourse. So I'm not sure he knew what was up, although he must have understood. He was a very handsome, high status guy – president of his frat and all. He was very unlucky in that area, though.

    As for stallions, that wasn't hostile, I was just kidding around. One of the problems with joking online, I'm afraid.

    I guess I'm an outlier, because I've always gravitated toward men around 5'8″ or so. I married a man who is 6'3″, but he's the only tall guy I ever dated. He was definitely not my usual type!

  • Tina

    Fair enough- sorry- re reading it, I was over reacting x.

    your thumb huh??- poor poor guy………..thats like 2-3 inches? def micro

    thing is, I read up on all this 4 years ago whenI planned to do urology. there are more small men than women realise because they are so shy. women often only get approached by endowed guys so some women think its rare to be under 5 inches. but some studies put it as 6 % having less than 5 inches. And up to 20% have less than 20% girth. Get a measuring tape and see thats pretty slender.

    for the record, in the uk 5-8 isnt that short. i mean its not tall but its not midget territory. I think blokes under 5-6 have it hard. i reckon its more challenging than poordick size I really do. i dont think itsa conincidence that dudley moore was a ladies man and was a millionaire too..lol

    mind you-having said all of that, I wouldnt kick tom cruise out of bed.!

  • susanawalsh

    Haha, true! There are actually a lot of short celebrities. Sometimes, smaller guys are feisty, they compensate with charisma and charm. I like that. It's a nice mix of vulnerable and cocky.

  • Natural Penis Enlargement

    Interesting article and nice blog you have too!


    This confirms it for me. Just when I think I have discovered a women that really beleives size doesnt matter the cat gets let out the bag.
    You have just said 'size doesnt matter unless its too big or too small'
    Thats like me saying 'I'm a vegetarian apart from eating bacon and beef'!!!
    You have proven that women do care about size and men are right to worry.
    Pity that that sad 'thumb' guy. He was under your 'threshold' just like all women have thresholds. Is it 3, 4, 5, 6…7 even?
    And now Tina wades in about girth!! This is bleak news for small guys, especially as there is no way to change size- those adverts are all bogus. Life can be pretty effing cruel.

  • susanawalsh

    Hi, Brian, thanks for commenting. I have to say, you are really looking hard for the negative here. First, what I said is that women don't particularly care about size. I stand by that, according to the research stats cited in the post, as well as my own feelings on the matter. They certainly care a whole lot less about it than men do.

    Second, it's only natural that the vast majority of any population will pretty much prefer what is inside the bell curve. That is, a very tiny penis is going to be a challenge for a woman as well as a man. I'm talking an inch or two here. I wouldn't rule out a man I loved for that. Hell, women fall in love with paraplegics who don't even have the use of their penis! Men can satisfy women in all kinds of ways. I was describing a casual hookup, which is a very different matter, because I had zero emotional investment in the owner of that particular penis. When a penis is enormous, a guy is likely to feel very proud of himself, but the truth is it can be quite uncomfortable. Again, if you loved the guy, there are many ways of working it out.

    Third, Tina weighed in about girth, and she's entitled to her opinion and her preference. I made it pretty clear to her that I disagree. The research she cited did not support her point. In fact, it spoke to the possibility that any preference for girth over length (remember, it was only comparing the two, not assessing how important either is) was psychological rather than physiological. That means that women are being conditioned in our culture to believe that bigger is better. If you ask a woman to choose between a small penis or a large one, I suspect nearly all women would say large. That is what is valued in popular culture. I would add that this preference is initiated and perpetrated largely by men!

    The best thing guys can do is stop fussing about it. Attract a woman with everything you have to offer, and have sex once you feel secure in her emotional interest. If she is a person of good character, and she cares for you, she will not disappear.

  • Brian

    Yeah you say that… but thumb man managed to attract you and look what happened to him.
    And the love thing: I would have thought that being in love and then discovring that would be heartbreaking- a terribly sad situation. Didnt Trina say something similar.
    Telling men not to fret is useless- its like telling a cancer victim not to stress over something they cant control.
    I noticed you evaded the threshold question: whats the minimum length/girth?
    I have heard girls talk in bars etcand seen Sex and the City- you are right society may well brainwash girls but at the end of the day the prospects are pretty dire for the unlucky guy. I appreciate your kindness though- you are more sympathetic than some I can tell you.

  • susanawalsh

    The guy in question (don't call him Thumb Man!) was a random guy at a party, and we'd both had a lot to drink. It wasn't the strongest of attractions, and we had absolutely no history together. If I had been in love with him, I would absolutely have not felt heartbroken. I think this is much harder for men than women. If a penis was required to orgasm, that would be different. The only thing we NEED a penis for is the sperm that comes out of it, and that isn't related to size.

    Please forget what Tina said! She is one woman. As you could see, I suspected she was the author of that horrible book that was clearly written to get revenge on a man who dumped her. I don't know Tina, I don't care what she prefers. Who knows what her issues are. Maybe she was in love with a guy with a small penis, and he rejected her.

    There is no minimum length and girth. As I say above, a vagina is snug around a tampon. Physiologically, a penis the size of a small tampon will fit snugly into a vagina. The real problem is psychological, and it's harder for men, by a long shot.

    Men are very visual – they want to bed a woman who is hot. Women are different – we find that many qualities can trigger sexual attraction, and physical traits are just one factor. I'll tell you something – if George Clooney had a small penis, I'd easily find a way to make it work. He has such charisma, such sex appeal, that it just wouldn't matter. It's an extreme example, but you are some woman's George Clooney. You need to wrap your head around that.

  • rob

    I'm gonna have to to call you out on this one- this is more of a message from me to you on this one so feel free to delete it afterwards- I wont mind.

    My suspicion is you have been breifed to produce a blog to reduce some mens anxiety in this area. Perhaps a mediacl foundation? or Mental Help Net?

    I dont think you beleive a word you are typing, but, and this is a compliment, you are very skillful and plausible and ultimately if you can ease the pain of a few people I think thats perfectly noble.

  • susanawalsh

    Rob, you are 100% incorrect. I wonder why you suspect I am disingenuous. I am not affiliated with any organization, except BlogHer Ads, which does not control (or indeed take any interest in) my content. My About page will tell you who I am and why I blog. I have a grown son and daughter, and I see them trying to navigate relationships in an era that puts physical intimacy before emotional intimacy. This worry about penis size is just one of many things that affects the way the sexes interact and communicate. I just wanted to address what I believe is a great deal of misinformation in popular culture. The research is very clear – women care a whole lot less about this than men do. I also do have some, ahem, personal experience to draw on, and I related it accurately.

    Look, I'm not trying to save the world here. I cannot offer real consolation to men who are dealing with a severe micropenis issue. What I am saying is that 99% of penises are fine. Perfectly fine. It's men who don't believe it.

  • Jess

    I have followed this page for a few months now. I kind wanted to see how it panned out. So now I'm gonna throw in my bit. I'm 39, I'v e had 2 children, I've had 25+ partners and havw worked in uk, usa and poland.

    First off, I dont agree with Rob, I dont think this blog is noble and not from a feminist point of view. certainly. Secondly, Susanna writes in a style that suggests she speaks for all women. She really does not and that needs to made clear.

    My irritation stems from misinformation and the presumption that mens fragile ego is more important than womens sexual freedom/satisfaction. Can you imagine it ever being the other way around?

    I spent 12 of the best years of my life in an unfulfilled relationship due to my partners size and I thought it was my fault. I had been told size couldnt matter so I assumed the lack of sensatin was because there was somthng wrong with me. Only after experimenting later in life did I realise the difference it made. I have my friends to thank who eventually told me to try different guys. So you can bet I will pass this onto my daughters as they have a right to know.

    And please, 2 inches!! thats ridiculous. When women talk about small they mean 4-5. There is a world of difference between 5 and 7 and you are bing plain dishonest to say otherwise.

    If a women chooses to forgo pleasure, then fine, but it should be an informed decision. Sorry about the serial rant, but I find this kind of thing a real retrograde step. Bra burnning session over!!

  • susanawalsh

    Hi Jess, thanks for commenting. I'm happy to have all opinions represented, whether you agree with me or not. A few thoughts.

    1. Hooking Up Smart is not noble. I do not write to reassure anyone, or have a specific agenda with regard to penis size or anything else. I write posts as they occur to me, often based on something I've experienced, heard from a reader, or read about in the press. This article was inspired by the research showing that men worry a great deal more about penis size than women do.

    2. I do not claim to be a feminist in the modern sense of the word. Indeed, I believe that today's sex-positive feminism is responsible for a sorry and pathetic population of American “girls gone wild.” I believe in equality and meritocracy. Period.

    3. No one person can speak for all women. In this post I cite hard stats that come from research, and I supplement with my own experience. This post, by the way, is my most read post by far, it's been read many thousands of times. To date, only you and Tina have weighed in that size is very important. It doesn't make your preference invalid, but it's hardly representative of much of anything.

    4. Womens' satisfaction may be attained in many ways other than penetration with a penis, much less a large penis. 80% of women do not orgasm from intercourse. Of the 20% that do, girth MAY play a small role, the research has been unclear on this. I did not write this post to assuage male egos. If you look around at many of my other posts, I hold men (and women) accountable for their behavior and choices. I wrote this post in good faith, and to the best of my ability.

    5. I never said two inches was ideal. In fact, when I encountered a micropenis that size, I did not follow through. However, are you saying that a man with a small penis does not deserve love? Do you not allow for the possibility that a woman could choose to love a man with a small penis? This strikes me as small minded and petty. Would you like men with 2 inch penises to abstain from life? Give up on love?

    6. You are entitled to your own opinions, but surely you don't think all women are the same? You accuse me of speaking for all women, but you then make the categorical statement that there is a “world of difference” between 5 and 7 inches. Honestly, I couldn't disagree more. I've been with 8 inch guys who were crappy in bed, and 5 inch guys who held my attention for a whole weekend.

    The most important sex organ is the brain. If you derive all of your pleasure from penis size, and you want 7 inches minimum, you are swimming in a very small pond.

    The stats:

    “The scientific (not self-reported) surveys show that a the average erect penis is 5.8″ with a standard deviation of 0.5 in. A seven inch penis would be over 2 standard deviations away from the mean, so statistics tells us that that is quite rare. The bottom line: 1 man in 100 is 7 inches or larger; 99% are less.”

    You are forgoing the company and pleasure afforded by any great guy who is smart, generous, funny, handsome or all of the above because his penis is 5 inches? Good luck with that.

  • johnten

    hey great article btw. men i guess are obsessed with their penis sizes and i have at one point been that way too. being an asian guy generally means i have a below average penis compared to other males. especially being in the military. but at the same time, i had sex with this girl quite frequently during overseas tour and i realised that i been making her cum over and over again with my tongue and hands and finish it off with some good ol' doggie style. she told me it was the best sex she ever had and since then, i have been dating and love making with several women without feeling any conscious of my penis size.

    but the question is, stereotype remains and jokes about asian small penis will be brought up all the time, especially among the guys, and though i feel confident of my sex life, i hate being put in the spotlight and especially infront of other females….so what should i do? i usually ignore them and joke about myself anyway but inside…it gets very annoying. so what are your suggestions?

  • susanawalsh

    Ha! How about saying confidently that you've had no complaints? You might also say that the Asian techniques you've introduced during sex have made women act crazy!

    • nfigure

      Agreed about Susan's advice to you. Johnten, don't worry about the mean-spirited words of other people, especially when you know they're wrong.

      In short, don't let yourself be brainwashed by other people. Realize how the Asian penis size myth makes no sense, by considering the silliness of what it's saying here: "Asians make up the majority of the world's population, but are below AVERAGE penis size." As you can see, this is not logical, and makes no sense whatsoever.

      Even modern anthropology (which operates by the scientific method like the "hard sciences" do) shows that while there are indeed biological/physical variations within the human species, they do NOT work according to society's idea of races like black, white, East Asian, etc. Therefore, just like white guys can be small, big, or anything in between, the same goes for Asian guys. One just can't generalize a penis size range to belong to any certain race.

      Thankfully for you and other Asian guys out there, Johnten, the women who can think for themselves will not be fooled by these kinds of racial myths. As it happens, Susan herself might be living proof of that. At least, I think she is. lol

  • Jess

    Greetings to all once more. I like using numbers in debates so I will do the same if thats ok in response to S.

    1. Of course men worry about penis size- they own them. Why would I worry about a feature I dont have?

    2. Mostly I agree with you there but some things are so clearly ''anti-wimmin' that I like to throw in my 20 pence worth.

    3. Didnt a poster called Rebekah say she couldnt feel a thin one? If you look at other female sex advice sights girth is a high value factor. Surveys consistently support this. Your analyses of published reports in my opinion are illogical and one sided. You are the 1st women I have met in my whole life to say 'girth didnt matter for good sex'.

    4. Stats for intercouse induced female orgasm range from 20% to 80%. Even if its as low as 20%, women like the 20mins of penetration for the filled feeling regardless of orgasm. Most men I know are fully aware of this. Also I have never met a well endowed man who didnt like giving oral or giving cuddles.

    5. Its not about deserving love. Love and lust is spontaneous and some people luck out. Im not anti men or anti small guy. I'm pro woman. I would never advise a girl to stay with a guy she isnt sexually compatible with as he 'doesnt deserve to be alone'. Plus I think the guy you rejected probably wasnt quite that small. I looked it up- that would be incredibley rare- 'nano penis?'

    6. Do a little test. Get some plasticine. Roll one into a thinnish 5 inch cylinder. Roll another into 7 inch thickish cylinder. Go to some bars and tell women you are doing a survey. Ask them to compare them to the men they have known and ask for their descriptions. No leading questions- just see what they say. Then ask them about girth. Report back. Then see who they agree with. Me or you. I'm happy to be proved wrong.

    7. Ah stats again! When I was a kid my teacher said most were between 6-7 inch. Now its down to 5-6 in the sites I looked at today. My experience? I will go with the Kinsey guy. I would say 70% are 6-7 15% sub 6 15% 7-10

    To say that only 1% is over 7? Even medical sites (full of white lies) dont say that. Try asking the bar girls maybe. Any way you said you had known 2 or so 8 inchers. If they are one in a hundred you must have slept with over 200 men? Respect!

  • susanawalsh

    OK, Jess, you have certainly had an interesting sex life. I'm not sure it was on the planet Earth, but more power to you.

    1. I didn't analyze published studies, I just reported them. They are from sound academic sources. If you find them illogical and one-sided, feel free to conduct the scientists who conducted them.

    2. Please provide a single link that says 80% of women come from intercourse alone. I'd also like to see your source that says women like a filled up feeling for 20 minutes.

    3. You've never met a well endowed man who didn't like giving oral or cuddles? Lucky you. I hear the opposite from readers all the time. Also, your individual experience cannot be extrapolated. Again, please provide links to scientific sources.

    4. Why on earth would you tell me about the size of the penis I encountered many years ago? You looked it up? And did it say Susan Walsh encountered a micropenis at the Pi Kappa Alpha house on November 26, 1982? Amazing!

    5. Your test sounds like it would make a fun and delightful evening in a local bar. So tempting to conduct that experiment! Why don't you go right ahead and let me know how it turns out. It is your job to prove me wrong, not vice versa, haha.

    6. When you were a kid you had a teacher who talked to you about penis size? Yikes, I hope you reported that to the authorities!

    OK, seriously, I'm done here. It was fun while it lasted. Feel free to come back with links to peer-reviewed studies. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy all of the ginormous penises you can possibly get your hands on!

  • Jess

    1. As you know I was disagreeing with your intrepetation of them

    2. Im happy to go with 20%- but its irrelevant. As for the other point I'm sure you can find the begium study that said 75% of women thought size important/very important

    3. I cant except to say I have never heard of any man who refused to give oral or cuddles.

    4. I suggested you may have underestimated. HSPDA say that 3.5 is micro. They say sub 2.25 is ambigeous genitals (intersex). thats 1 in 2000.

    5. I kind of have. In the 90s there was a joke magazine article about girth with holes cut in the paper. It was called the satisfaction league. We went on a pub crawl and asked men and women what they thought. Although I was pissed I remeber people reactions- so I know what you would find.

    6.its called compulsory sex education. We also learnt about egg sperm puberty and intercourse in those science lessons.

    Lastly, I have spent the past few days leafing through sites and found the Catherine Townsend Blog mentioned by an earlier poster. She had the exact same experience as you!!
    Now to find those ginormous phalli you keep alluding to!!

  • Screwtape

    By the same token, perhaps your vagina is too cavernous to enjoy a regular-sized penis? After all, women's vaginas are not all the same size and tightness. Perhaps you are overlarge. I believe, unlike penis size for men, there are corrective surgeries to 'tighten up' a woman. Maybe you should look into it? It would only be fair, as men cannot change what they have. Wouldn't such a surgery be a 'small' thing you could do in order to enjoy the sexual size of the man you love?

  • susanawalsh

    Hi, Screwtape it's been awhile! Nice to see you in such good form, this cracked me up. Very well said.

  • Jess

    Do you realise how juvanile you both sound? I made 2 posts, repsonding courtiously to each point raised. Rather than debate each point you have both reported to name calling. What was very well said about calling me 'cavernous'? what exactly is that supposed to achieve? That I run away crying? Would you do that to my face in a conversation?

    In answer to ST:
    1. I dont think I'm larger than the average girl. I know I have had two children but out of 25 or so partners only 3 have been too thin for enjoyable intercourse. One or two have been uncomfortably thick but they were outliners. So about 80% have been great.

    2. Given that my experiences and preferences mirror my friends (and to some extent Susans) I dont think I am over large. Dont you think its unfair to say that a woman who cant be satisfied by a small penis is at fault? and that she ought to undergo surgery? even though average guys suit her fine?

    3. And Susan, back in the day, I used to volunteer for a womens refuge centre. I saw mysogany on a daily basis. The last time I heard a man call a women 'carniverous' was in court whilst he was being sentenced for battery. He also called the women, his wife, other things I wont print here. In a blog hosted by a woman I cant tell you how dissapointed I am to hear that word again.

  • susanawalsh

    Jess, the real issue here is your blaming and shaming language. No one disputes your right to make your own choices about what turns you on. It's just not helpful to argue vociferously that small penises suck. If you don't like thin penises, don't have sex with one. No need to shout it from the rooftops. I just don't see how you have a dog in this fight.

    Screwtape was responding to your tone, and I thought he was pretty funny. As for the word cavernous, I'm sorry it triggers unpleasant memories for you, but the world has no such associations for most people.

  • Jess

    Well I'm glad you used the word tone- becuase thats what caught my eye in the 1st place. The title you used “what women think of size” and the subsequent postings. Young, impressionable girls (and men) would read that and might think “ok – this is the deal”.

    I wanted to project an alternative viewpoint, and one which i beleive, is of the majority (happy to disgaree on that issue). My motivation is partly due to a vaguely feminist career but also because of the impact in my life. I would hate any woman to go through what I went through. And I suffered because of misinformation. You only live once. It should count. Thats essentially what I am saying.

    I have never heard a sexpert or blog host or teacher say “hey guys, marry an overweight ugly girl because she deserves love”. Not once, not ever.

    Girls suffer enough in a mans world- why make it worse- the stakes are already stacked against us. And again I just dont get why its ok for that other poster to insult me. I didnt insult you, him, or men in general. I am simply saying humans should seek others for which they are sexually compatible with otherwise they are missing out on probably lifes greatest joy. I dont deserve denigration for that.

  • susanawalsh

    Fair enough. I agree that sexual compatibility is extremely important. Obviously, you should do what is right for you. Wrt Screwtape's retort, I can see why he felt defensive, if indeed that is what motivated him, because of the tone issue. Also, I don't like snarky comments, and I rein people in for using them on my blog, but the truth is, conversation on blogs, or anywhere where people are basically anonymous, is going to be more “raw.” It's more honest, which is good, but it can also get mean, which I agree is not. It's just part of the deal. Bloggers know this, and they either develop thick skins or get out.

  • Jess

    Not all blogs are the same. I go for the intelligent non abusive ones. I love debating and counter arguments.

    So I didnt expect you to congratulate somebody on abusing me.

    Nor then suggest that women who get insulted by men in such a demeaning way need to be less sensitive!

  • Screwtape

    According to most sources: “While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in).[6][7][8] The typical girth or circumference is approximately 12.3 cm (4.85 in) when fully erect. The mean penis size is slightly greater than the median size.”

    So, you are actually saying that men who are average, less than your desired seven inches, should give up on love, and perhaps become monks or eat a bullet, as their being in a relationship with a woman would be inherently abusive to her as they could not satisfy her sexually. Which is, after all, the only thing important about a man to a woman. Something he cannot change about himself, wereas at least the woman has the option of surgery if she is to large. So very kind of you. Perhaps average and smaller sized guys should just man up, know their place, and shut up, right?

    It is funny how you sound exactly like the men you describe as so abusive towards women. From comments like “Girls suffer enough in a mans world- why make it worse- the stakes are already stacked against us” I can tell you are pretty bigoted against men. Yes, perhaps in third world countries men are the ones in charge. In first world countries, women rule. Have you ever seen a “Men's Health Center” at a hospital? Ever look at the amount of government money spent on women's health issues versus men? Ever look at lifespan differences? Do you consider it fair that a man who is beaten by a woman in america can end up in jail for domestic abuse if he tries to call the cops on his spouse? How about how easy it is for a wife to cut her husband off from her children? How about certain jobs, like elementary school teacher, that are off the table for men because they would be immediately suspected as abusers?

    Obviously your time supporting feminist causes, as well as the time you have spent in those refuge centers (funny, there are no men's refuge centers…) dealing with the extremes of bad male behavior (as opposed to dealing with the extremes of bad female behavior) has made you rather hateful towards men, viewing them as only sexual objects in an attempt to put them in their place?

    And perhaps if you are going to spout a negative message about how men who have less than seven inches should go without love (since their having a relationship with a woman would OBVIOUSLY be abusive to her as he is cutting her off from those wonderful 7 inch cocks -the only redeeming thing a man has from what I have gathered reading your posts) you should develop that thick skin Susan was talking about, unless you expect the guys to just 'man up' (why not 'woman up'?) and shut up.

    Penis size is a sensitive (no pun intended) topic for men because we cannot do ANYTHING ABOUT IT. And as most of us actually want to please our lovers, and put alot of our self respect upon our ability to do so, it is INCREDIBLY INSULTING to be told “I spent 12 of the best years of my life in an unfulfilled relationship due to my partners size” which tells us the only good thing about men is their dick size.

    Actually, let's look at the paragraph that contained that sentence, shall we?

    “I spent 12 of the best years of my life in an unfulfilled relationship due to my partners size and I thought it was my fault.”

    As I said before, it is interesting that the entire relationship was unfulfilling because the guy's penis was too small for you. Any emotional, financial, or intellectual support and affection he displayed to you was inconsequential to his lacking the required amount of wedding tackle. A little superficial sounding, no?

    “I had been told size couldnt matter so I assumed the lack of sensatin was because there was somthng wrong with me.”

    I wonder, as everything I have ever heard says sexual stimulation for women is primarily psychological in nature, if he just didn't fulfill some particular appetite you had.

    “Only after experimenting later in life did I realise the difference it made. I have my friends to thank who eventually told me to try different guys.”

    An appetite like, perhaps, the appetite for the danger of infidelity. From the above it looks like you started screwing around on your man at the behest of your friends. The same ones, perhaps, that like the large cock?

    “So you can bet I will pass this onto my daughters as they have a right to know.”

    Yeah, girls, make sure you find out the size of your boyfriend's dick before you get emotionally attached. Because that is all that matters in the long run, take it from me.
    Suddenly, I feel very sorry for your daughters.

    Anyway, I should thank you. Susan was doing alot to break down my generally negative views about the general selfishness and superficiality of women. Now I have the vindication of knowing I was right in my initial assessment, and that women like Susan are really the outliers. Fortunately, I have found my own outlier as of a few months ago (this is why I haven't been commenting so much, Susan, though I still read you alot). And my girl thinks my 'meager' six-incher is just dandy!

  • Screwtape

    Susan, after a bit of thinking I feel I have to post an apology for the above rant, as I became rather vulgar. It is just that hateful women like Jess really bring out the worst in me. You have had a few back and forths with Obsidian lately regarding game, and I have to say that Jess represents the type of woman that drives beta males to became dark-side gamer-cads. Hell, just reading the above posts from her made me want to punish women as a whole… which I believe you would agree would not be productive at all. Interesting, this cycle we are in. Which came first? The beta male, angry at women, becoming a cad and treating women horribly in turn to create a bitter woman like Jess? Or was it a bitter, angry woman who broke a man's self worth down to nothing by reducing him to an inadequate penis in revenge for some slight to her? What random ass started this whole process?

    Ah well. Going on a date with my girl, now. Hopefully she can take my mind off of all this. Again, my apologies to you, but not to Jess, for bringing my anger out on your board.

  • susanawalsh

    Screwtape, don't worry about it, I thought your ranting was OK, and not vulgar at all, really. I share your views, and to be honest, I don't intend to reply to Jess anymore. FWIW, if I'm an outlier, then so are my women readers, probably about 700 a day, maybe more.

    Some women are superficial and selfish. Some men are cads. If only they were only drawn to each other and would leave the rest of us alone! I am really happy to hear you're in a relationship, Screwtape! I know you have had some pretty negative views about women, so it's fantastic that you found someone who made you change your mind, at least about one woman.

    The worst thing about Jess's posts is that I feel like it sort of “undoes” anything I accomplished in this post. I know that men worry a lot about this, and some of the comments left here are from male skeptics. There's even one angry comment from a guy with a big dick who's threatened by it, haha. Geez!

    I stand by it, though. I didn't write it with any agenda in mind. I just figured it made sense to put out my view on the matter. The number of hits this article gets tells me that men google search this topic like crazy.

    As you rightly point out, I can't make anyone penis bigger, haha. I'm just trying to dial down the tension by providing an antidote to all the misinformation out there, largely funded by unscrupulous businesses trying to make money on penis enlargement products.

  • Jess

    Well pat yourself both on the back. That post he made was very nasty indeed. And susan you condone his views?
    99% of domestic violence is by men so that's why there are few male centres
    98% of wealth, political power and land is held by men
    so yes it's a mans world
    I never said less than 7 is unacceptable
    I'm saying it's not fair to tell people size is not a factor when it is.
    It's a form of sexual repression.

  • Jess

    Sorry, I am so pissed at your sanctiomonious, dismissive attitude I am also saying this;
    when I was with my 1st partner we both got nothing out of intercourse because we were incomparable. We both knew why and it poisoned the relationship. We tried all sorts of things but it didn't work. He is the only guy I have ever cheated on. I did him a favour by breaking up with him. He had the freedom to find a girl was very small or who wasn't into intercourse. I had passionate and fullfilling relationships afterwards. I don't hate men I love them.

    I wonder if screwguy would have chosen his date if she was disfigured? Or had a masectomy? Has he never rejected a girl? He appears to oprate an equal opportunities policy on sexual attraction. Nobody is allowed to reject anyone!

    Susan do you have 700 women agreeing with you per day? That cofuses me as on the master blog forums there are women argue both ways but mostly to say it can be an issue. Dr ruth explins the issue quite well.

    I know I am ranting too but how dare you accuse a women of being selfish or shallow because she wasn't to enjoy a fulfilling sex life. You must know that is unacceptable.

  • gmoney55

    My barber who claims to have a big dick told me something very interesting…”it dont matter how good the dick is, that shit wears off”.He has had girls leave him for a man of smaller size because he could do other things.Bottom line is if all you have is a big dick you wont keep a girl very long…ps im a guy

  • gmoney55

    another thing i want to ask you susan.I am 8 inches long and an ok thickness i guess.Most girls i have been with have said i am pretty big including the girl i am with now.She loves that i have abs and muscles and we are both extremely attracted to each other.The only problem is she barely moans.I know she enjoys it by facial expressions and the “that was fucking great” afterwards,but a girls moaning is something that's always turned me on.I know this is a little off topic but i feel thickness might be a cause of this.Or maybe some girls just don't moan.I don't know but that just goes to show you that guys who are well endowed(or at least told they are,i don't think i'm that big)can feel inadequate too.

  • susanawalsh

    Amen. If you've got it, fine. But it's like an accessory – nice to have but you'd better have a repertoire of skills, and not just rely on that.

  • susanawalsh

    Hi, gmoney55, thanks for leaving comments! First of all, if she says the sex is great, especially, effing great, I think you can feel secure that she really thinks that. A woman wouldn't say that if she didn't mean it, because it would prevent her from getting something different the next time. I mean, it makes no sense to give positive reinforcement for something unless you want it repeated, right?

    Some women make a lot of noise in bed, some make soft sounds, and some are silent. Women in porn make all kinds of screaming noises, and sound absurd! That's not realistic. However, I think you should tell your girl that it really turns you on when she moans. She'll start moaning more if you ask for it! My guess is you'll only have to mention it once. Wait until she does moan, and then immediately tell her how much that does for you.

    And yes, I can believe that a man can feel inadequate no matter what size his penis is. Because what the man really wants (hopefully) is to really make his woman crazy with lust and pleasure. And as I've said above, that requires more than thrusting during intercourse.

  • Brian




    I have not made these proper links so you have to go to the trouble of typing in the address to see them. I advise men not to do this. Susasana walsh, you may want to hide them altogether.

    They contain references from intelligent, articulate women who make it clear I am low life. If you scan the web and ignore the pills companies crap and the patronising agony aunt rubbish and just look for real female opinion it seems overwhelmingly small is not ok. To find a little oasis like this site is blessed to me. Even if I am not toally convinced I can try and take some comfort.

  • susanawalsh

    Hey, Brian. Well, I won't hide them, because in the year I've been blogging, I've only censored two comments, both of which were obscene. So your links stand – I always feel that more information is better anyway. Might as well know what you're dealing with.

    First, Catherine Townsend. Every time someone tells me that women really care about this issue, they quote her. Obviously, she cares about penis size. But there's a lot of sensationalism in what she writes. You mentioned having seen Sex and the City – well, CT is like Samantha. All talk and bluster, and if she's happy with her sex life, more power to her. She does not represent all women. For example, she says that sometimes she's yelling “Put it in!” and the guy has to admit he already has. That is literally the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Perhaps she has nerve damage in her vagina and can't feel properly. I don't know. Another example is that she says that women's vaginas easily stretch to accomodate a large penis. That is true to some extent, but let me tell you, there are only about six inches from the vaginal opening to the cervix in most women, and getting that cervix pounded is excruciating. Often when a woman has been with a man with a very long penis, she has some bleeding the next day. Catherine Townsend makes her living as a sensational sex columnist. She may be intelligent and articulate. That doesn't make her honest, right or even sane!

    I didn't even watch the final link through. Look, here's the bottom line:

    You have a penis. You are not happy with its size, most because you think women will not find you sexually desirable. I will not patronize you, I am telling it as I see it.

    1. Stop looking for evidence online that confirms your worst fears. If I went looking for evidence of mine, I'd be totally convinced I'm dying of a brain tumor.

    2. Question motives. Think about whether people have anything to gain with the opinions they spout. I have no agenda here. None. I am not interested in misinforming anyone.

    3. Women enjoy sex, but it's a means to an end for us. Thanks to 10,000 years of evolutionary programming, we are conditioned to want to bear young. We need sperm for that, not a particular type of penis. We are thankful, however, that Nature has bestowed upon us the almighty clitoris, which keeps us interested in intimate encounters.

    4. Men enjoy sex. It is the be all and end all for a man, whose complementary evo imperative is to reproduce by planting his seed as much as possible.

    Brian, are you out there meeting women? Do you date? And are you in therapy? Because it's clear to me that you are not living your life fully due to this worry. I'm glad I offer some small comfort, but finding a woman who loves you for all that you are will be far more satisfying to you. I urge you to take the actions necessary to deal with this pragmatically. You need to find a way to focus on everything that you have to offer, not just your genitals.


  • Brian

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means a great deal to hear see such words.

    I did date, twice, in my late 20's. It was a pretty shitty experience. I'm afraid it was pretty much the situation described by the 2nd link so it hit a nerve.

    I have no plans to date. I have accepted that about myself and it has actually made me functional and a bit less depressed. What hurts though is the lack of dignity and as the cherrytv clip showed, to be a source of contempt. Its about self respect. How others might view me where they to know the whole me.

    Your words have provided a degree of salve there and I really thank you for that.

  • susanawalsh

    Learn to dismiss the whining of heartless bitches, none of whom seem to have a meaningful relationship. It's always easier to blame someone else, and the small dick thing plays right into pop culture, e.g. SATC. I wrote a post about Samantha on that show, and diagnosed her with an attachment disorder. That's my opinion.

    Your self-respect must come from within. You wouldn't gain it if 500 women told you your penis was perfect. This is what you need to work on. Look, I'm a big believer in therapy — I've done it individually and as a family. I think you should find a male shrink who specializes in talking with men, particularly about sexual issues. I am 100% certain they're out there. Someone with far more expertise than I have could be an enormous help, and a comfort as well.

  • rufus

    “heartless bitches”- steady on love!!

    Strong words eh? Most women would put size as a factor in desirable traits.

    If girls want height, humour, looks & generosity why not size?

    Cos you cant change it?- the only one you can change in the previous list is generosity.

    Doesnt this slander a whole gender?

    If I uttered 'bitches' about women near my girlfriend she would castrate me!!

  • susanawalsh

    Hi rufus, thanks for commenting. With that remark, I was specifically referring to the women on cherry tv. What I object to is the tone of ridicule. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, that goes without saying. Some people want height, some don't care. For the most part, women desire traits in men that are within their control.

    If I heard a group of men joking about women's vaginas smelling nasty, or hating women with small breasts, I wouldn't hesitate to call them bastards. I'm an equal opportunity judge.

  • Sally

    This subject has been done to death on a million blogs. I think the issue revolves around the intrepetation of the question: does size matter?
    It means different things to different people. For a woman it might mean a relationship. For men it might mean the sex act.
    So if a women can't feel their partner's penis they might overlook the issue because of finacial security and affection.
    However a man feel totally emasculated by the same situation and become despondant.
    I know women who have said they would marry an impotent man so size couldnt matter at all to them. I also know women who have said they would not give the time of day to a smaller man. Neither of these women are worse than the other, its just an issue of preference.
    I looked at the links shown earlier. The last one called 'Cherry' had some videos with women discussing sex including size. I didnt think they were worse or better than the average woman. I have certainly heard many a woman claim they cant feel anything with a smaller penis. Its probably the most common complaint I have heard about over the years, its certainly more of an issue than premature ejaculation or impotence.
    Obviously, womens mags mention it almost continously so younger women are growing up with 'ideals' more than I did growing up. However there will always be women who have sex really low down on their list of priorities so size isnt important to them. For the women who do have higher sex drives there are probably enough men to choose from to attract what they want. Things tend to work out ok over time.
    It would be nice to put the incessant debate to bed because at the end of the day; why worry over something you cannot change?

  • susanawalsh

    Sally, thanks for leaving a comment. I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at here, so I'd like to clarify:

    1. Why would a woman want a relationship without sexual compatibility? In an era when women earn nearly as much as men, do you really think a woman will forego a sex life for financial security?

    2. The vagina is designed to feel anything inserted into it. It's hard to imagine that a vagina would not feel something moving back and forth as well. There are many nerve endings in that area, though not enough to orgasm, as I have said repeatedly. A woman who cannot feel a penis moving inside her would to well to see a neurologist.

    3. Both a woman who would eagerly marry an impotent man, and a woman who would “not give the time of day” to a smaller man would be women of questionable character. They may not be worse that one another, but I wouldn't wish either one of them on any man.

    4. You say that you've heard many a woman complain about size – since that is so different from my own experience, I am wondering if this is perhaps your professional calling?

    5. Your claims about PE and ED are ludicrous. Estimates of men suffering from PE range from 25-40%. Over 100 million men suffer from ED worldwide; it's no wonder the little blue pill is a runaway best seller. On the other hand, only 3% of penises are less than five inches, which is well within one standard deviation from the mean.

    6. Things tend to work out OK over time? By themselves? I don't think so. Why worry over something you cannot change? Are you serious? Because we all have needs that aren't being met, and we want to make things work out OK, and we wonder and worry about what we might do to improve our lives.

  • Sally

    I'm trying to suggest life isnt quite as bleak as a lot of people are making out on here. I would along with a lot of what you say but there no need to ignore the men with 2 inchers, or who are impotent or have PE. These men deserve love and respect too.

    Lots of women dont give a stuff about sexual compatibility. They are more about emotional compatibility and financial security. Thats especially true for some women when they hear the biological clock ticking. Anyway, why this focus on erect willies? You can have sex without them. Fingers, tongues, dildos can all be used to great effect.

    I dont think you are right at all about vaginal sensitivity. When aroused and engorged a thin vibrator cant be felt at all. Thats why dildos are pretty thick. But this is only important to some women. Suggesting people have nerve damage is unlikley to be accurate.

    Why would the women I mentioned be of questionable character? The former example is a relation of mine who is the most decent person you could hope to meet. Are you saying that if your current partner became permantly impotent you would leave him?

    I dont know much about stats so I will take your word for all that stuff. I was referring to complaints friends and aquantainces had mentioned in the past. ED or PE hardly ever came up but sixe sometimes did, perhaps not as extreme as your example but of a simliar vein.

    Cant we all enjoy just a bit of positive thinking? Does the world have to be so bleak? You saying that 5 inches is a minimum means that mean with 4 inches feel bad. If you say 2 inches is bad then 1.5 inch men feel bad. Why not avoid measuring!!! Sex is not everything!! Love, freindship, loyality, humour. Humans can love in all sorts of ways. Cant we embrace them all?

  • susanawalsh

    Sorry, yes, I totally agree with you! I agree 100%. I do believe that there is a lot more to love and sex than something like the size of one's genitals, breasts, etc. Both men and women feel insecure about these issues, and I think we are often our own worst enemy when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex.

    I can honestly say that if my husband became impotent, it would NEVER cause me to leave. No sexual dysfunction could do that. As you say, we have many ways to get off, and to each his own. What's important is that we stay open-minded and generous. If we're more worried about giving pleasure than receiving it, there should be more than enough to go around.

    Thanks for commenting, sorry I got a little defensive there. Tone can be hard to read on blogs, and I think I misinterpreted a couple of things.

  • treva

    Okayyy- in the words of Judge Judy:


    I am real sorry folks but Sally and Susan and all the 'do gooder types' are full of it.

    All 5 of my ex girlfreinds said that any girl that said size dont matter are liars.

    Plus, a tv presenter called Keith XXXXXXXX appeared in a nude gameshow in the UK. I was sat there watching that show with my brother, our then girlfriends and 3 other girls. This poor guy was on the serious small side. You could have heard the girls shrieks from a mile away. They said he might as well off himself.

    Guess what YouTubes most used song is for female dance routines? -“Dont want no short dicked man”

    Dont you tell me “what women think about size”. Cos no-one is dumb enough to buy what you is sellin'

  • susanawalsh

    It never ceases to amaze me how emotional people get over this issue! I'm guessing Treva here is a well-endowed guy, and it's important to him to keep that advantage over other men.

    And Treva? Not selling a damn thing. Probably the only article about penis size online with absolutely NOTHING to gain by it.

  • Name


  • Induced by women

    What bothers me is that you never hear a girl talking about average, because they always say they want big, making average guys feel small. I overheard many older talking about 8 inchers one day like, “They're great!” And that 7 is “o-k”. Even the “Guys can still get some if they're 6.5”. It killed me one day when I was with a girl who had not been with many people and she said mines was “pretty big” (between 5.8-6.2length, average width) because I know it's a lie because she's seen porn and commented on how big the guys were in it. Even with that, she told other women that I'm big and now they want to see my “Super Six” (They are not aware of the size BTW)” and they all act innocent but they all want to see mines cuz “it's huge”. I ALWAYS hear women saying things like “He probably has a BIG one”. This bothers me because I was actually interested in one of the women I mentioned for a real relationship because I knew her for a while and she didn't seem to be so concerned about penis sizes, only schoolwork (college). WHAT WORRIES ME THE MOST ARE WOMEN THAT HAVE NEVER HAD A BIG ONE and WOMEN THAT ARE USED TO BIG ONES. From my experience, whether it's because of a woman's friends (the major source) or the media, women that have always had average are searching for a big one and if some guy says “Hey, I'm 7-9 inches( really 8-9)” curiosity will get the best of them and they they'll have sex with him because it's something new, even if they're in a relationship. Sex is not a major part of the relationship for me, but it's starting to seem it's what the basis of a relationship is in America. It seems that if you're average, you won't be remembered. But a girl can always tell a story about the big one's that she's had…leading to my next point
    It's women comparing men's —- sizes that make men insecure, not men comparing to other men (eg. locker room, urinal). We care about what women think. When comapring —- sizes, you're either large or small, according to women. What about in between?
    Analyze this situation:
    Guy: “You bought the wrong box again, I don't wear magnums”
    Girl: “I have other condoms if you have a LITTLE —-“
    Conclusion: Why is a guy small, if he's not huge?

  • Women don't understand, Sigh

    Women reward men with The BIGGEST (7.5+ inches)
    They don't say much about the average ones. (5.5-6.5)
    They absolutely degrade smaller ones. (less than 5.5)
    anthing between 6.6-7.4 is debatable
    Why does the guy with the biggest one get all the girls?
    Some woman had him and told her friend(s) about his size
    Because they were amazed
    This makes many girls that didn't really think of size in that way
    curious or into size queens
    The friend(s) will seek him because of size and prowess,
    but a lot of the time women are curious/want the size
    Then girls will flock to him, he may know or not know the reason why,
    But he will have his choice of women
    Those women will tell there friends(s)
    This creates a cycle for the guy with the BIGGEST
    This makes average guys insecure
    They way be able to achieve the same cycle
    But they have to put in WAY more work
    While the big guy stretches(no pun intended) and yawns
    and the women keep coming
    Some will like it, others will think it's too much
    The BIGGEST guy doesn't care because women will keep coming
    The women that were indifferent or didn't like the experience
    will probably end up with the average guys
    When the average guy finds out he becomes insecure
    because you once put emphasis on something he could never attain
    even if you describe it as too big, say it hurted, etc.,
    the average guy will still be insecure,
    because it doesn't matter if you liked it or not, big=better
    because the BIGGEST could give you what the average guy has,
    he just has the option of giving you extra, so he appears to be more accomodating
    While the average guy has a default value
    and the woman won't understand the insecurity,
    because she likes him for who he is.
    It's really because you were amazed by the BIGGEST one
    and it has a permanent image in your head like “That's the biggest one ever”
    while with the average you just see it as a standard penis, making it “forgettable”
    while being amazed by “overall” qualities (achieved)
    is not the same as being amazed by something that someone has from birth (given)
    Size queens and the ones that “prefer” bigger than average add more insecurity.
    Here's an analogy:
    Let's say its comparable to a guy telling the girl he's with that
    A girl that he was with previously was tighter than her
    possibly the “tightest”
    and even with kegels, surgery, etc, the woman he's with cannot reach that tightness
    And that he liked the feeling of being “clamped”, even though his former's is sufficient
    Or he says it was too “tight”
    How would you feel?

    the only beacon of light being the ones who have never caught on to bigger=better,
    AND haven't experienced the BIGGEST, because that may cause an insecuriry,
    but insecurity is not common with this select bunch,
    because they didn't have a bias towards BIGGEST
    Can't even imagine for the smaller guys

    This is why so many men question there manhood
    Many women are excited on the thought alone of having, or at least experiencing
    a huge one.
    ***Not trying to sound like I am attacking women,***
    ***Just trying to get women to see a point.***
    Women are making men more insecure.
    I think this will progress worse in the following years
    As women are beginning to believe bigger is better
    **What are your thoughts on this?***
    ***Do you think I'm wrong? Right?***
    *Size Queens Only*
    How would you feel if there was a tightness test for a vagina, and it was measurable & recordable? And you can put it down on paper and give the tightness an a actual rating, meaning guys can see the given rating and then say, “Sorry, you're too loose, you must be this tight (shows tightness rating) or it ain't goin down tonight!”

    -My views are from what I see in college and club life-
    -I do not speak for everyone

  • susanawalsh

    Induced by women, you have every right to be frustrated by this small mindedness on the part of women. First of all, as I said in one of the comments above, a 7 inch penis is more than 2 std. deviations from the mean. We're talking 1-2% tops. So these women? They're lying if they're saying they've seen many outside of porn. I think some women tend to talk this way to impress their friends, like Samantha in Sex and the City. It's like guys telling each other that the woman they screwed was screaming and clawing in ecstasy, when the truth is that women don't really do that stuff during sex much. It's all a bunch of hot air.

    Your size is average to slightly larger than. Do not listen to this stupid talk. Just find a woman you like and make her happy with your perfectly wonderful penis!

  • susanawalsh

    WDUS, thanks for leaving a comment. You've made a very good point here – the whole size thing becomes a vicious cycle. It's important to remember here that when women talk about a guy having a huge dick, it's a novelty, almost like a freak show. They are curious to see one. And report back to their girlfriends. Imagine that you heard of a woman who was an absolute contortionist in bed – she could do amazing things with her body in various positions. You would probably be pretty curious to see that, and you would certainly tell your friends about it. But would you be more likely to fall in love with her? No. I don't believe that women are more likely to fall in love with a guy based on penis size, or reject a man for love because of lack of size. It's the least important characteristic, as far as I'm concerned! I hear women talk all the time of guys they're crushing on (see other posts on this blog) and I never hear them say, “Oh, and I hear he has a big dick!” They may share a laugh about penis size over a beer, but it's really just talk. My advice to men who want a real relationship is to bring your A-game to a woman in all of the ways that we value, and make an effort to please us sexually. The size question just shouldn't be an issue. If a woman tells you it is, dump her, she's got issues.

    Disclaimer: I am talking here about penises within the bell curve. I am not qualified to speak on micropenises, for example. For men dealing with that issue, I would recommend finding a specialist/therapist for support.

  • ron

    Some very good posts indeed from all concerned. Its good to see a proper dialogue on this difficult issue without the manure one sees all the time across the web. As someone who is perpetually annoyed by the spam emails and ludicrous (and false) enlargment adverts.

    To Treva & Sigh & Induced, I completely understand your viewpoints. The media is so saturated in the implicit or explicit message that size matters it is natural to assume that its patronising and untruthful to make the claims that the editor (Susan) is making. However, I'm not a health professional, I'm a gay guy in my 42nd year who works in law and my opinion is my own but I hope to explain some of your well articulated concerns.

    Not Big = Small? –
    Its our language. A restuarant serves you a slightly bigger portion then you call it massive. A penis is a tad under average, the girl says tiny becuase it makes the story more interesting. Its humans exaggerating for effect.

    Grading a girls cavity with a number-
    I am sure you were being a tad mischeivous and I'm also sure you know full well women would be mortified. I would freely accept that some women have the mentality you describe. But there are plenty of men are just as dismissive!

    Dumb enough to buy…-
    Yes that song 'short dick' was very popular as I recall especially in the gay scene . I went to You tube as I wasnt sure what you meant and I confess to being very surprised to see 12 year girls dancing to this and then mocking small men and then posting it on the net. Its a wierd trend but there is no need to extrapolate from it.

    A Final Thought-
    3 years ago, 2 documentaries were made on a man with a 3.5 inch penis in the UK. It was called 'my penis and I'. It was a very moving and inspirational story and despite some awful experiences and rejections he did find a partner eventually. He also went to the USA to talk to a club with men with 5 inch penises and learnt techniques and viewpoints to cope with his sense of self. A worthwhile watch to those who are depressed about this issue.

    Real Size?
    You may have heard that the male gay scene is promiscuous. Its entriely true. Back in the day I perhaps had my full share of partners and then some, to the tune of 300? In my experience Black guys are almost always over 7 and often much bigger. If we restrict ourselves to white guys then Susan's stats are closer to the truth. 6 is probably the most common size. About a quarter were over 7, but out of about 250 white guys I think maybe 10 were over 8? so there is a sudden drop off at that point. 5 was fairly rare but those guys are definatley out there and if you have the right attitude (both partners) it needent be too big an issue. There are so many other things you can do. Some of my girlfriends are size queens and they tell me they are open about it to avoid poor hookups. But I know other girlfriends who are more open minded and happy to see the whole person and not focussed on the issue at all. My partner of 7 years is very average and, perhaps unusually for my ilk, I really wouldnt change it, because its part of him. Lastly Treva, why dont you look up another song called “Size Matters (but not how you think)”. Peace to All. Ron

  • susanawalsh

    AWESOME comment, ron, thank you! Some much needed perspective here.

    Wow, so I guess it's true what they say about BBDs! Interestingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, one rarely sees research including comparisons by race. I suspect it's not politically acceptable.

    Your field report is useful, and it definitely reflects larger penises overall than one would find in the general population, at least based on the stats I've been able to track down. I imagine that one factor is that gay men seeking promiscuous sex are obviously a self-selected group, probably excluding many men who have concern over size, or consider themselves smaller than average.

  • ron

    You make a very important there- one which is lost on a lot of people.

    If you ask most people what the average size is they tend to say 'about 7 inches'

    It doesnt matter whether they are male or female.

    Men say it to appear larger themselves and women say that because the average of their partners probably is 7 inches.

    Because larger guys, straight or gay, are very promiscous in general. So girls tend to be overexposed to larger guys.

    In my experience smaller guys tend to make very faithful long term relationships. Again true in gay and straight world from what I can gather.

    I am generalising, I am no porn star myself and there plenty like me but I am just stating there are some strong trends here.

    Its not suprising that girls arent aware of that, just as its not surprising when men get worried when women talk about 7 as 'Joe Average'. Its a subtle information breakdown. I think women (and perhaps men too) should take a trip to nudist beach and realise the variation. I would call 6-6.5 average and I have seen more than most women so I hope that puts the previous posters minds at rest. I have also read that gay guys have fractionally bigger ones- even more good news for those who want the straight average to be lower!

  • Liz

    To Ron, Is that realy the case that gays are bigger? Sure you are not patting yourself on the back there? (lol)
    If I had my way they would ban porn because it makes men think they need 10 inches minimum. Its crazy.
    Interesting views on the confidence = size thing.
    I have had about 12 partners, mostly about 7 and a little bit over and in honesty I didnt think there was any pattern. Some were shy, some cocky, the smallest was a comedian. So I'm not sure I would agree with Ron on that but I mentioned to my friends that 5 and half was the reported average and they were quite suprised. On a ruler that looks on the small side. Then I looked at the net and all the figures varied so I dont know if we will ever know the true average so men will worry for eternity. All my friends said that provided it wasnt too tiny and there was nothing flaccid or premature going on they could work around the size issue. So generally I agree with the blogs title. (and Ron)

  • synthesis

    I've looking through your archive, and it's funny that this one's commentary is still going strong. I think we can safely say there are limits on both ends of the bell curve, but that those limits vary from woman to woman. However, how many women actually whip out a ruler and tape measure to get accurate numbers? And no, asking the guy is not an accurate method of data gathering. They probably don't do a good job of estimated. I suppose you could do an experiment: go to a bar with various sized dildos and ask groups of women to estimate their size (since someone mentioned something similar).

    Also, I saw a porn clip where they blindfolded the girl and played, “How many fingers?” One finger? Three fingers? The girl couldn't tell the difference.

  • susanawalsh

    This is my most read post – it gets read about a hundred times a day, which just proves how stressed out men get about this issue. There have to be many men each day who find this post who are completely average in size.

    I'm glad you mentioned that porn clip. The truth is, researchers long ago dispelled the myth of the vaginal orgasm. Now they're saying the G spot doesn't exist either. The women who orgasm during intercourse due so because there is enough friction to stimulate the clitoris, but this is not available to most women. The vagina itself has enough nerve endings to feel quite pleasant, but obviously not enough to discern how many fingers.

  • The Truth

    The clitoris as the only source of female pleasure was a feminist idea promoted in the late 60s to reduce female reliance on the male gender.
    If you look at the latest Masters Research, Kinsey Research & Belgium Studies you will find:

    -The clitoris is a large structure that surrounds the vagina and not just a small bud at the vaginal opening
    -The G- spot does exist, its a junction of several thousand nerve endings. In some women its flatter than others so isnt always easy to locate its rough texture
    -The A-spot is at the back of the vagina, only accessible if the cervix has retracted. It produces excessive lubrication if directly stimulated by vibrator or penis. Some studies
    show this can trigger orgasm.
    -the average vagina, when enorged and lubricated can stretch to accomodate a 9 inch penis quite comfortably.
    -Child birth doesnt change the length of the aroused vagina but can dramatically change the width. Some women elect to surgically tighten the vulva post birth.
    -75% of women in the Belgium Studies reported width as important sexual satisfaction
    -The Bio Med studies reported 80% of females suggesting width as an important factor
    _The SexMatters Series of 2003 reported the most desirable penis size to be 7.7 inches length and 5.75 inches circumfrance. The subjects were all women aged 18-50.
    -Micropenis, when the erect size is less than 3.5 inches is present in one every 200 males
    -Deformities of the vulva are much rarer and often are not diagnosed till pregnancy
    -All claimed ways to enarge penises have been proven false
    -Enlargement operations are expensive and dangerous and do not change erect length

  • susanawalsh

    Could you please provide links? Some of this is quite surprising. Thanks. A link for every claim, please.

  • Truth
  • Truth

    it doesnt take much to find this information- there are 100s of sources

  • Truth
  • Truth

    I have tried posting additional links but it wont let me.

    There are multiple links supporting each fact.

    If anyone doubts the accuracy the internet has good search engines. google is good.

    Medical journals from the uk, usa, australia and france are good.

    Truth, however unpalatable, is its own justification

  • Truth

    correction: I quoted the Bio Med Studies as saying 80% in favour of width

    this is a typo. It was in fact 45 of 50: so 90 %. my apologies

  • susanawalsh

    Truth, thanks so much for all these great data. I look forward to checking it out. I agree with you about Truth. No one's interests are served by denying it.

  • Jess

    anybody here from the uk? or read the sunday sport?

    look into todays female survey- “skinny willies are awful”

    shed any light?

  • susanawalsh

    Don't know what that is. Do you have a link?

  • Jess

    Sunday Sport is a rather horrid newspaper. Its sexist & moronic.
    But it does have a regular sex survey thats been going for 15 yrs.
    My ex used to work for them.

    They do have a website.. There is a section called students talk sex.

  • Darren

    Blimey- having a big one must be like having the key to paradise! I had no idea women felt this way. I mean I'm not naive, I knew size had its relevance but to that degree? Sobering stuff.

  • susanawalsh

    Truth, have been checking out your links:

    BBC: the shape of the full clitoris is well known. This is probably why penetration feels good, even for those women who don't orgasm from it. The bud is far more sensitive, obviously. Nothing really new here, and it doesn't change the percentage of women who don't come from penetration: 80%.

    Wikipedia: Sorry, Wiki is a good backup source, but should never be used as a primary. Here's the most recent G Spot research, out within the last month, that shows it does not exist:

    Heretical.com is not a site with any authority or real content. Bogus, case dismissed.

  • susanawalsh

    Your revirgination link is a business, apparently, with poor grammar and spelling, by the way. In any case, I'm not sure what on earth this has to do with the topic of this post. The webmd site is credible, and contained the following statement:

    Many genital plastic surgery techniques are based upon GYN surgical procedures used for medical problems such as reconstruction after cancer treatment, gender change, repair of cystocele/rectocele, etc. Unfortunately there are few good studies showing benefit where there is no overt medical problem.

    Furthermore, it mentions that poor vaginal tone is most likely to be a complaint in women over 60!

    Honestly, I do not appreciate your wasting my time. I don't know what your agenda is, but it's seriously off topic! I am not writing about vaginoplasty!

  • susanawalsh

    Honestly, can you read? The “Bio Med” Studies don't exist. It's the Eisenman study, already dealt with in a comment above. Eisenman asked college women which was more important, length or width. He did not assess the actual level of importance to women of either length or width. The sample size was only 50, tiny in comparison to Masters and Johnson, which disproved the importance of width. Eisenman states in his conclusion:

    The results reflect either a psychological preference or a true physiological reality, but we cannot say which, with the present method that was employed.

    In other words, this is not proof of anything.

  • susanawalsh

    There is no such thing as the 2003 Sex Matter Series, as far as I can tell. I did find this peer-reviewed, scientific study by Lever, Frederick and Peplau at UCLA, Does Size Matter:

    Women’s Satisfaction With Their Partner’s Penis Size:

    How do women view their partner’s penis size? As shown in Table 3, most women rated their partner’s penis size as average (67%), some women viewed their partner’s penis size as large (27%), and few women perceived their partner’s penis size as small (6%).

    Turning to satisfaction, most women (84%) were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, only 14% wanted their partner to be larger, and 2% wanted their
    partner to be smaller. A much higher percentage of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size than the percentage of men who were satisfied with their own penis size (84% vs. 55%).

    For women as for men, there was an association between ratings of penis size and
    satisfaction with penis size. The vast majority of women who reported that their partner was average or large were very satisfied with their partner’s penis size (86% and 94%, respectively). In contrast, the majority of women (68%) who rated their partner as small wished their partner had a larger penis. Fortunately for
    men, however, only 6% of women rated their partner as smaller than average.

    Further info. you might find interesting in this study:

    % Women Very Satisfied with Penis Size by Age:

    18-25: 86%
    25-35: 85%
    36-45: 84%
    46-55: 82%
    56-65: 80%

    So, again, there seems to be some increased dissatisfaction among elderly women.

    I have to say, you've got balls posting under the name Truth. I don't think you'd know the Truth if it hit you over the head. Learn to read, learn to speak the truth, and only then will I be interested in what you have to say. I don't have enough time to suffer fools, period.

  • The Truth

    The Truth says “now, now….temper, temper!”

    -The clitoris is a large structure that surrounds the vagina. I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
    -The A-spot is at the back of the vagina, only accessible if the cervix has retracted. It produces excessive lubrication if directly stimulated by vibrator or penis. Some studies
    show this can trigger orgasm. I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS.
    -the average vagina, when engorged and lubricated can stretch to accomodate a 9 inch penis quite comfortably. TRY THIS LINK AND THE 2ND ONE FURTHER DOWN


    -Child birth doesnt change the length of the aroused vagina but can dramatically change the width. Some women elect to surgically tighten the vulva post birth. TRY LINK ABOVE
    -75% of women in the Belgium Studies reported width as important sexual satisfaction. TRY THIS LINK


    -The Bio Med studies reported 80% of females suggesting width as an important factor. TRY THE LINK ABOVE AND THIS LINK (3rd page)


    _The SexMatters Series of 2003 reported the most desirable penis size to be 7.7 inches length and 5.75 inches circumfrance. The subjects were all women aged 18-50. IT WAS A UK TV PROGRAMME IN THE SUMMER OF 2005 ON EITHER CH4 OR CH5. BUT IF YOU CANNOT FIND IT THEN LOOK UP THE AUTHENTIC FEMALE PENIS PREFERENCE CHART
    -Micropenis, when the erect size is less than 3.5 inches is present in one every 200 males I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
    -Deformities of the vulva are much rarer and often are not diagnosed till pregnancy I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
    -All claimed ways to enarge penises have been proven false I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS
    -Enlargement operations are expensive and dangerous and do not change erect length I ASSUME YOU ACCEPT THIS

    You keep referring to only a minority of women orgasming through intercourse. This may well be true but that doesnt stop size being important. Women enjoy penetration regardless of orgasm. If you cannot feel it then you cannot enjoy it. Men are the same, they enjoy penetration but often orgasm outside of the female body (the withdrawl technique). Enjoyable penetration for both partners requires acceptable friction and pressure, not usually possible with a thin member according to the sources noted.

  • susanawalsh

    OK, this is my final response, I really don't think you're advancing the conversation.

    From your net doctor link:

    Even when aroused, a woman's vagina usually extends only to a length of about 10cm (4 inches). This means any man's penis will fill her vagina completely, unless you happen to be one of those rare guys with an erect penile length of less than four inches. You're probably now wondering how the average man with an erection of six inches manages to insert his penis into the vagina at all.
    The vagina has the most remarkable capacity for lengthening if something is introduced into it gradually. So the exceptional man whose erect penis is eight inches long can still make love to any woman, providing he excites her properly and introduces his organ very slowly.


    At your Psychology Today link:

  • susanawalsh

    OK, this is my final response, I really don't think you're advancing the conversation.

    From your net doctor link:

    Even when aroused, a woman's vagina usually extends only to a length of about 10cm (4 inches). This means any man's penis will fill her vagina completely, unless you happen to be one of those rare guys with an erect penile length of less than four inches. You're probably now wondering how the average man with an erection of six inches manages to insert his penis into the vagina at all.
    The vagina has the most remarkable capacity for lengthening if something is introduced into it gradually. So the exceptional man whose erect penis is eight inches long can still make love to any woman, providing he excites her properly and introduces his organ very slowly.


    At your Psychology Today link:

  • Jessica

    What happened to my earlier questions?

  • David

    Does this mean Susan that you havent dated since 1985 ?
    I assume then that your friends are of a similar age group?

    You might find that openess about sexuality has moved on a little bit in the past quarter of a century.

    Most of my girlfriends magazines say that girth is important for loads of women. Of course they dont give a number so I confess to feeling a little worried. Blokes are aware there is no way to increase size so it does prey on the mind a bit.

    Put it this way, I wouldnt want to be the bloke with 5 inches. Not from what I have heard from women directly. And if there was a pill to give myself more I would pay a lot of cash for it. But I'm not stupid- I know such a thing will never be invented so I just have to be the best I can with what God gave me.


    ps Do you know what happened to the small guy you met at college?

  • susanawalsh

    What do you mean?

  • susanawalsh


    I have not dated since 1982!

    However, two points:

    1. Penises haven't changed much in 30 years.
    2. My readership here is nearly entirely college-aged. This post brings a lot of men here, but it's an outlier in terms of my regular content. Have a look around if you like!

    Doing the best you can with God gave you sounds like a pretty good strategy to me. Really, I wrote this post b/c I've seen much research that says men worry about this far more than women do, and that the vast majority of women (84%) are satisfied with the size of their partner's penis.

    Re the guy from college, I just googled him – first time ever. He's in San Diego, I found a newspaper article featuring his beautiful wife and daughter, who are active together in a local philanthropy organization.

    I love a happy ending!

  • David

    Wow that was quick- thanks for speedy response.
    I appreciate your detaield response about the small guy but you do realise you have given so much info he is readily indentifiable?
    Not sure he will llike being outed as a 2 incher!!
    But great to hear such a nice ending.

    The 84% thing- I had read that a few years back. The thing is, it occured to me, that that leaves nearly 1 in 5 men who have women who find their size too small. And its safe to assume those men are not tiny, perhaps towards the low 5's rather than the high 6's. So it you are mid 5's the chances of having an unsatisfied partner due to size gets much higher. Do you see how its not much of a comfort? Using the numbers?

    Still, my exes and current partner didnt complain so I think “Dave old mate, dont sweat it” and then you see her collection of (largish) dildos and you think “gulp”. I'm a bit tired of yo yo feelings on this. I know I could be worse off and the San Diego guy- thats quite inspirational really.

    Ta for the swift responses Susan,

  • susanawalsh

    OMG! Thank you for pointing that out! I have edited my own comment to mask his identity. I would NEVER want him to feel badly about such a thing. I am just really glad to see it worked out for him – his wife and daughter are very attractive (as was he).

    I do see what you're saying about the numbers. It's just all so complicated, so many moving pieces! One thing I noted is that women become less satisfied as they become older, which perhaps implies something about the way we change as we age. I've also noted that there is a large cultural component – when women say that are not satisfied, we don't know if they are saying they are not sexually fulfilled, or that they are aware that in the population their guy is smaller than average, which we constantly harp on as a deficit. Much more research needs to be done here.

    I don't really get what the deal is with large dildos. I do know that when you go onto the most popular sex toy sites, the best selling vibrators are either small devices that are meant for clitoral stimulation only, or combination devices that penetrate the opening of your choice while vibrating on the clit. Even in porn, one sees women using smallish glass and synthetic objects to masturbate – very few large dildos in sight.

    I have heard, btw, that this is a real pet peeve of men. Women who introduce a vibrator into sex play should make sure it is not larger than their own guy.

  • David

    Hi again.
    You may wanna delete my San Diago reference too btw (at the end of my last post)

    Yeah the numbers screw the head up- you think they should provide certainty but far from it. For a start measuring is variable. Are you allowed to push the ruler to the base? Am I true 6? or am I cheating?

    Then, you have lenght vs width or even both? On one site I read they had blood curdling comparisons. A 5.5 length with 4.5 girth has a vol of 9 but a 6.5 length with 5.5 girth is a vol of 15! very nearly double!

    And then you think well, whoever took part of that survey they must be pretty pissed at the guys junk for admitting it to a researcher. What about those women who were being kind.

    You start thinking its 70% not 85% so 1 in 3!! mmmmmm is that me then???? Am the guy in the Aguillera song?

    Sorry I'm a bit pissed at mo..

    Oh dildos, my current gf and 2 of my ex's had very sizeable umm implements. They didnt introduce them- I found them. I confess I had a little snoop. Its hilarious that girls always put them in the bottom drawer! I mean every time! Do they want us to find them? I'm going to put a blow up doll in my bottom drawer for revenge (with big boobs and fake glossy hair to boot!)

    Highty night! D

  • Jess

    I posted some questions about the daily sport and they have vanished? remember? about the 15 year survey?

  • susanawalsh

    Ah yes. First, you didn't provide a link, so I googled it and found the mag but could not find the survey by searching for it there. Secondly, I was so offended by the obscenity of the publication with its flashing XXXs and porn stars that I immediately dismissed it as a source. Please, only peer-reviewed scientific research. You can see what I mean if you check out the nonsense “Truth” was providing. It's important not to credit a source just because it's online, duh.

  • Jess

    sorry- I could not agree more about the horrible publication.

    I tried to have it banned from certain shops a few years ago- I was only partially succesful.

    However my ex used to help compile the surveys. They are rough and ready but give you an idea on young girls attitudes to size which is pretty much the same as mens.


    Keep clicking on the paragraphs and scroll down to the size comments. Theres about 60 surveys but they have 100s on file.

    Although I despise the newspaper the surveys are quite enouraging in that most women dont get pressurised into sex acts they dont want. They are open and blunt about their needs. They tend to have safe sex. Very little evidence of underage activity. And of course these are students but at least they are emancipated and are playing men at their own game.

  • susanawalsh

    Please, only peer-reviewed scientific research.

    I do not care what your ex used to do. I will delete any links that are not legit scientific results, since the potential to affect people's self-esteem is considerable. Please refrain from any further sensationalism.

  • Jess

    Really? I wonder if you would have deleted the link if the majority of women interviewed had supported your own opinion.

    Is this blog about massaging ego and self esteem or dealing with realities?

    Isnt this type of random, on the spot survey, exactly what you said would be a good idea a few weeks back?

    I thought that real commnets might be more insightful than mere %'s which dont tell the real story.

    Oh, just for the record, I'm sure everyone here realises that enlargement adverts are scams. 100% bogus.

  • susanawalsh

    For the record, I went to your link, and it was the confessions of two women who got their partners off by dressing as policewomen. Are you and Truth the same person? You both seem to have an axe to grind, and you both seem to rely on the same bogus sources. I do not think on the spot surveys are worth anything whatsoever, haha! I think you proposed trolling bars with a handmade dildo!

    Are you familiar with the scientific method? I will not allow any more nonsensical comments thru. Consider yourself warned.

  • Jess

    Have you noticed that this is not the 1st time you have accused your detractors of either being a clandestine pill company or another poster or a troll?

    If you go back to the link and look at the left menu you will see 'students talk sex' with 50 or so similar mini surveys. I note some girls agree with your views.

    I am not sure why such on the spot surveys are 'bogus'. Why a live survey is less scientific than a phone survey or internet survey I'm not sure.

    I admit I havent got great scientific credentials but I do not consider myself stupid, shallow or subversive.

  • susanawalsh

    I am aware this isn't the first time! I'm very puzzled by people who come on to debate without any valid backup to illustrate their position.

    You don't understand why a spot survey conducted by a porn rag is bogus? How was the sample chosen? Who designed the survey to eliminate any potential bias? What is the control group? For example, wandering into a bar and asking ladettes about dildos is probably going to yield a result you can't defend. Which makes it 100% meaningless.

    BTW, some phone surveys and internet surveys are also bogus. Research requires complex design, which is why most of the people conducting it have PhDs.

  • Jess

    I have a basic understanding of fair surveys and bias questioning. The survey is undoubletedy on a targetted group- theres no denying that.

    The original surveys consisted of a female researcher walking up to pairs of girls in city centres and offering them 50 pounds to take part in an immediate survey.

    The later ones concentrated on students on campus.

    The design was simple: a set of identical open ended questions with no prompting.

    Because the surveys were always done in pairs, the energy dynamic bounced off both women.

    They didnt have control goups or target different age groups or anything like that. It is what it is. But that doesnt make it bogus. Its an insight into the current female psyche. (or least some womens)

    Almost any survey can be discredited from some perspective. The UCLA study mentioned has huge gaps in it. Imagine doing a size survey with no mention of specific dimensions? What a missed opportunity.

    The same is true of the Esesienman study that you mentioned days ago. PhD or not.

  • Henry

    Has anyone seen that TV series 'Hung'?
    Is that what American women are all about?

    All the female erotica I have thumbed through in airport lounges has men with huge 'things'.
    Is this what girls want in real life or is it just fantasy?
    If you can put a man on the moon surely there must be an operation for the smaller guy?

  • susanawalsh

    Hi Henry, as I've said, I believe there is much in the culture that praises the large penis. The TV series Hung treats the main character's penis essentially as a novelty, something people can rent out. My own view and experience tell me that women do not need or particularly even seek large penises in the bedroom, and research confirms this. However, if you follow the mainstream media, you'd certainly be led to think otherwise. I don't think it's particularly true of American women more than any others, it probably just seems that way because we export our culture so widely through TV and film.

  • Henry

    Oh hi,. Well I kinda get that up to a point. But the women in the episodes I saw didnt treat it a mere novelty. It was like 'this is the holy grail- the best thing in the world'. I suppose its fiction but it wouldnt make sense it didnt have some truth in it? (would it?)

    And as for the female porn fiction thing? Tall, handsome, muscular, big xxxx etc. Formulaic but it has to appeal to the readers doesnt it. Lots of blokes dont have those features. I guess some people have to settle and some dont need to.

  • Truths Revenge
  • susanawalsh

    Jess/Truth/Truths Revenge:

    The springerlink study is the one I referred to above as follows:

    I did find this peer-reviewed, scientific study by Lever, Frederick and Peplau at UCLA, Does Size Matter:

    Women’s Satisfaction With Their Partner’s Penis Size:

    How do women view their partner’s penis size? As shown in Table 3, most women rated their partner’s penis size as average (67%), some women viewed their partner’s penis size as large (27%), and few women perceived their partner’s penis size as small (6%).

    Turning to satisfaction, most women (84%) were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, only 14% wanted their partner to be larger, and 2% wanted their
    partner to be smaller. A much higher percentage of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size than the percentage of men who were satisfied with their own penis size (84% vs. 55%).

    For women as for men, there was an association between ratings of penis size and
    satisfaction with penis size. The vast majority of women who reported that their partner was average or large were very satisfied with their partner’s penis size (86% and 94%, respectively). In contrast, the majority of women (68%) who rated their partner as small wished their partner had a larger penis. Fortunately for
    men, however, only 6% of women rated their partner as smaller than average.

    Further info. you might find interesting in this study:

    % Women Very Satisfied with Penis Size by Age:

    18-25: 86%
    25-35: 85%
    36-45: 84%
    46-55: 82%
    56-65: 80%

    So, again, there seems to be some increased dissatisfaction among elderly women.

    So, again, no new info. here. Also, you submitted links that got caught in my spam filter. It turns out that your “authentic penis size preference chart” is created by a site that advertises “huge cock” porn sites.

    The other link was to a piece intended to be humorous by stating that you should not sleep with men who slap your clitoris, hock a loogie onto your vagina for lube, or have a mini gherkin for a penis.

    I'm posting this response to warn people that there is much disinformation about this issue, and some people, e.g. YOU, will work tirelessly to drive that insecurity up for profit.

    Say goodbye now. I'll ban you as fast as you keep making up new names.

  • Becky


    play from 30 s onwards.

    do you think this supports or contradicts this blog?

    I would be interested to know your views and the views of others

    Rebbeca Ammon (Facebook)

  • Talia

    Well played Susan. I for one dont care about this issue and I'm glad to see these 'size promotors' being denied a mouthpiece.

    I have never cared about a mans size and I always distance myself from women who use it in conversation in such a disdainful fashion.

    Most decent girls couldnt give 2 hoots. And whats more, as you mentioned earlier, to the extent that they do care its thickness and even then only as a secondary consideration.

    When will people learn its togetherness and tenderness that women want. A bouqet of flowers means more than performance in the bedroom for me.

    To men: make the best of yourselves, be clean and healthy, respectful and decent and someone will love you back. I can give you a 100% promise of that.

  • susanawalsh

    Talia, thanks so much for your comment. What you say is true, I believe that 100%. I have been extremely surprised to learn how people will manipulate this issue for personal gain. I know that mine is a small voice in this debate, but all I can do is tell it like I see it, and discredit bogus claims as they are presented. In any case, I really appreciate your feedback.

  • [email protected]

    Ummm… you do know thickness is part of 'size' dont you?

    Actually I agree with you on a fundamental level. Its only an issue when the unit is super slender. Generally most blokes dont need to stress too much.

    And all those girls that talk about size… some of it is hot air… immaturity and boastfulness. Not all girls think like that, particularly ones that are less into 'high fashion' etc

    Kudos to SW for letting others know that we are not all like Katie Price et al.


  • F

    Can someone settle this argument for me please?

    I have paraphrased the following from a different blog.

    “I see online positions for deep penetration even for small penises, and I don’t wish to undermine the point you’re making at the beginning of your reply, Jesse. But your oft-heard assertion about the nerves in the vagina being mostly concentrated in the outer third is scientifically inaccurate. Nerves are densely concentrated throughout the vagina and I give you two published studies that prove that: 1995 study by M Hilliges and C Falconer and for a 2006 study by R Pauls and G. Mutema. Your assertion overlooks the orgasmic zone known as the A-Spot/AFE Zone/T-Spot (said by some to be easier for a woman to locate than the G-Spot), and likewise the Cul de Sac/Posterior Fornix, the subject of Barbara Keesling’s 1997 book on orgasm (retitled paperback version in 1999)”

    Would this explain why some women go on about size so much? And didnt some recent research recently say th eG spot didnt exist after all? What are blokes supposed to beleive- we just cant win it seems.

  • susanawalsh

    F, thanks for commenting. First off, I wonder about that commenter named Jesse. I had a commenter here recently (the thread is still visible above), who called herself Jess, Truth and The Truth. She was obviously a “size promoter” and I eventually had to ban her. She sounded quite a bit like this comment you've paraphrased.

    Bottom line: It's total BS.

    The g-spot was recently exosed as a myth – I've provided the link to the study above in another comment.

    The other spots she mentions are bogus to the best of my knowledge, and her sources (without links, naturally) are not reliable or legit in any way.

    Here are the facts, as I understand them (keep in mind I am an amateur blogging about relationships, not a sex expert):

    There are enough nerve endings in the vagina to produce many pleasurable sensations, and the thrusting of a penis does feel very good, though there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm.

    ALL orgasms occur at the clitoris. Women who come from intercourse alone do so because the clit is close enough to the vaginal opening that the movement of the penis creates enough “tug” to build an orgasm. If a woman's clit is more than 1 and 1/8 inch from her vaginal opening, this is impossible, and that applies to 80% of women, approximately.

    Women enjoy direct clitoral stimulation more than anything else, though the area is so sensitive that pressure must be light and indirect. This is why women enjoy oral sex so much – the tongue is soft and very flexible. A woman can also enjoy being fingered, especially if she is able to show the man how she likes to be touched, which will usually be the same way she touches herself.

    Women like to have orgasms, and the women I've known are very happy to have those come about in any number of ways, including, btw, them touching themselves during intercourse.

    I encourage you to ignore any of this kind of talk you see around – most of it is fiction, nonsense, or even deliberate deception. Jess kept sending me to sites that were clearly profiting from advertising “big cock” porn sites, etc. This issue really brings out the snake oil salesmen, or in this case, women.

    Accept only scientific studies, which I have done my best to present here, both in the post and comments.

  • Fred

    Hello there. Thanks for your reply. What you say is what I have read from some British sites too. Actually, in the blog I got this from Jesse was arguing your position, it was the other poster that was talking about the Fornix research.

    So, if the medical facts back up the idea that a penis is effectively useless for orgasms why the hoo ha about it all? I get why men do it as a status symbol thing but why do women bang on about it relentlessly?

    I dont mean in the media, which is every day, but in everyday life, is it a feminism thing? To kick them wear it hurts type thing?


  • susanawalsh

    Well, I wouldn't say the penis is useless. It's very stimulating visually, and as I said, it does feel really good. It's an important part of the process, it's just not the holy grail.

    I don't think women do bang on about it in real life. I have never once, in 25 years, described my husband's penis to another woman. Nor have any of my friends shared that personal information. I think it is a media thing, it's Sex and the City, it's jokes on the Real World, etc. And I think it's cultural. No one makes fun of a big penis, it's a cliche to give a guy a hard time about a small one (mostly other guys do this, not women!). Women understand this, so by saying they slept with a guy with a huge penis, they think they increase their social status in some small and temporary way. It's boasting, basically, but it has nothing to do with sexual satisfaction.

    Any woman who is claiming she needs a big one is not relationship material, she's after some other kind of gratification, i.e., ego. Women want a variety of things in a relationship, and I have NEVER seen penis size listed as an important factor.

    I do need to offer a disclaimer here, though: I cannot say how women will react to a micropenis. When I encountered one, I did not handle it well (though I was only 19, I think I'd be better now). However, I really think about 99% of men can relax, take a deep breath, and focus on relating to women in all sorts of ways, not just sexual. If she's feeling it, the sex will work itself out.

  • Fred

    99%? but I thought it was only 85% of women that were satisifed with their mans size?. Do you think the UCLA study is false? Was it sponsered by an iffy pill company maybe? There are so many silly adverts out there…

    That micro thing… how awful for the poor guy. I'm sure you meant no harm but if a girl did that to me I dont think I would ever smile again. Just goes to show you have to count your blessings?

    A further point; if you say penises feel good then wouldnt size play some part? As a bloke I have no frame or reference. Either its important or it isnt? When I have heard women discuss it (at college and more recently at work) its girth and fullness which are the buzz words. Not all of these conversations have been in a mocking way…more matter of fact type thing. Perhaps this is a more modern trend? Maybe a Sex and the City symptom?

  • susanawalsh

    I just used 99% to refer (loosely) to everyone who has a penis inside the bell curve, basically. The UCLA study is not false, but it doesn't say those 15% were not satisfactory, it says their partners were not satisfied. That doesn't mean another woman wouldn't be satisfied – there's a lot of personal variation based on preference, relationship dynamics, sexual skill, etc.

    I do feel terrible about the micro guy. However, one guy recently asked what became of him so I googled. Turns out he is married and has at least one daughter – I found a pic of them online, and they're beautiful. So, happy ending there. BTW, I did manage to be gracious enough to hang in and not be obvious about things. After a while, I just made it clear I wasn't going to have sex, which is hardly unusual. We made out and such for a while. I don't know if he got it or not.

    For women who appreciate size, it does seem as if fullness and girth are the most often mentioned characteristics. However, I've seen where women are blindfolded and are unable to tell whether one, two or three fingers are being inserted into the vagina. I'm telling you, there just aren't that many nerve endings there. Yes, one can sense something is there, a fullness, but no way could a woman guess at the width of a penis inside her if she were blindfolded, I wouldn't think. That's not to say a woman doesn't prefer to look at a certain kind of penis – I'm just talking physical sensation.

  • nfigure

    Agreed about Susan's advice to you. Johnten, don't worry about the mean-spirited words of other people, especially when you know they're wrong.

    In short, don't let yourself be brainwashed by other people. Realize how the Asian penis size myth makes no sense, by considering the silliness of what it's saying here: “Asians make up the majority of the world's population, but are below AVERAGE penis size.” As you can see, this is not logical, and makes no sense whatsoever.

    Even modern anthropology (which operates by the scientific method like the “hard sciences” do) shows that while there are indeed biological/physical variations within the human species, they do NOT work according to society's idea of races like black, white, East Asian, etc. Therefore, just like white guys can be small, big, or anything in between, the same goes for Asian guys. One just can't generalize a penis size range to belong to any certain race.

    Thankfully for you and other Asian guys out there, Johnten, the women who can think for themselves will not be fooled by these kinds of racial myths. As it happens, Susan herself might be living proof of that. At least, I think she is. lol

  • [email protected]

    I have always heard the opposite. Friends I know always say that willies are ugly things. Its all about how they feel inside the vagina. I have found a small increase (or decrease) in thickness makes the world of difference to me. I mean, a slim banana may not cause much fullness, but a chunky cucumber feels radically different even though its only a 1/4 inch bigger.

    But all this forgets the other parts of sex like oral and kissing etc. A bad kisser is worse than a guy with a small one in my experience.

    There are so many different takes on this issue and I think Susan has a point when she meantions cultural pressures. My 3 daughters have a totally different take on sex than my generation. At their college, oral sex on a 1st date has replaced swapping numbers. It doesnt even count as sexual contact. And if they want to insult someone they say 'pencil d*ck'. They even call girls that name. They call each other guys and I even caught one of them jeering at another 'suck my d*ck'. Really odd.

    Sexual politics is moving really fast now. I'm no prude but some of the pop shows they watch…. Its basically pornography. They worship Rhianna, black rapsters (have you heard their lyrics?) and barbie doll pop groups. I love them to bits but they are so cycnical and jaded compared to when I was their age. So in in answer to the question this blog poses, is that is it can matter a great deal but it depends upon the context.

    My mother certainly didnt care at all and my sister (highly relegious) doesnt either.
    My context is different from Susans, which in turn is very different from my daughters so really perhaps the question should be what type of women consider it an important factor.

  • Fred

    So W&S are you saying that over time more and more women will think its important? What about the fact that other countries are becoming westernised?

    And can these cultural pressures overcome personal preference that much?

  • Wendy

    Are you addressing me? If so then yes, up to a point.
    The over sexualisation of society is bound to put penis size higher in the consciousness. However there is a limiting factor; there are bound to be people who are religious, or have a lower sex drive or are good at comprimising, that dont care all that much.

    Cultural pressures are enormous. As I said earlier, my own daughters and their friendship group started exhibiting overt sexual preferences in their early teens and they were virgins so it HAD to be from TV, film, radio, magazines, their social circle. If you dont dress the right way or listen to the right music you can get bullied etc. So can if effect the issue this blog is referrign to; of course.

    Susan said in an earlier reply that attractive girls felt they 'deserve' a larger penis, and this was bourne out by research. Vaginal tone and size doesnt depend on facial prettiness so this must be a mental issue, likely steered by the media. If a young girl you reads an erotic novel the guy will be tall and well endowed, so that influences future sexual predilection.

    Its a bit like the fast industry. Macdonalds entices toddlers as early as possible so it becomes a lifelong habit/preference. The power of persuasion….

  • 6 inch black

    Wow. Hearing my fellow black women and even white women speak about “Big dicks” and that the average for AA males is “close to 7” has made me very insecure. Everybody I know claims to have >=6.5 inches with most people claiming to have 7. Even the comments here confirm the same thing. This makes me feel small, because I only have 6-inches, with the average girth to go with it. Well, I'm not tall, but it never bothered me (5'7), even when girls said they go for taller guys. But I noticed that taller guys claim to have bigger ones – with girls of some of the guys confirming this. Is there some correlation? I feel like women are all about “big ones”. For some reason, women seem to assume I have a big one, especially ones that are not black. This makes me terrified, and I feel like I can't live up to those women's expectations therefore I will not have interracial sex (sorry if I'm too graphic). I've only shown one girl, and she didn't comment on it, so I assume she was being nice. One girl that I knew acted, sweet, nice, and innocent and had a boyfriend for 6 years finally measured her boyrfiend and found out he was six inches, she told all of her friends, and from the friends she had that I did know (white and black girls), said it was small. The best comment I ever heard from 6 inches is that it would be “satisfactory”. It's even the “bare minimum” in some cases. I'm only 20 years old, and I've became insecure as soon as I came to college. I'm still a virgin, and have even denied a few VERY attractive girls because of this. I wanted to have fun in college, but if I won't be remembered because of my mere 6 inch, why should I? Does that mean I have to give head to get a good reputation? As opposed to just swinging out my dick like “Here you go, Admire it and tell everybody so that I get me more customers!” I guess I have to find a steady girlfriend because of my “small” size while my fellow seven inchers have lots and lots of fun, gain experience, and then settle down and really please their partners. Are these women accurately measuring, or am I the only black 6 incher in America?

    Susan, I know that you say that women don't care about size much, but coming up in my background, and in this generation, women are becoming more and more fascinated with big dicks. Because of this, guys with bigger dicks will get more experience, AND they will have the bigger dicks, therefore getting all of the women.
    A guy can claim to have a big one all day and other guys will feel like “good for you”. When women talk about guys having big ones, and guy's not in that category, it frightens the shit out of em because they feel like they can't measure up. It would be like if a woman's significant other (male) was always assuring that the woman was perfect, perfect personality, girl she wants to be with. But them the woman accidentally stumbles on a conversation with him and his friends talking about the big boobed girls he's had and how he remembers them because of their SIZE/or how great DDD cups are and C cups are the bare minimum/ or this girl with HUGE TITS's shirt accidentally ripped and saying that they were the HUGEST BREASTS he's seen in his life and he was like “WOW” (You wouldn't know if the “wow” was good or bad, just that he was “amazed” -absolutely kills me when it's the other way around (females talking about big ones)). Or the killer, “After having sex with DDD-F breasts, sex just isn't the same. There's nothing else like, but smaller cup sizes will do. There just so big and bouncy and there's so much you can do…” How would the C cup feel?

    This is not want he wanted you to hear. In fact, you only heard this because you snuck in on his conversation/eavesdropped and heard the truth. You never even seen him staring at big boobs, let alone talking about them. Akwardly enough, he tries to console you by saying “Boob size is not important, it's about proportion.” Would you believe him? Would you believe him if he says your boobs are fine? Would you believe most men for that matter (comparable to the not about size-motion of ocean thing)

    What if you heard a another group of guys talking like this? And then another? And then you keep hearing that same consolation. Could be true in some cases, but you've heard to many men talking about BIG BOOBS. And then some woman says “This insecurity is brought on when women are growing up and see other woman's boobs for the first time. Women compare boobs, therefore the insecurities come from other women…” Is it the women that caused the insecurity, or the guys talking about the women with the big boobs?

    Guys like that do exist, but from my experience, its nowhere near the women who are like that about big dicks.

    It seems that women don't think about proportion, just BIG DICKS. Even if the guy is skinny with an average one. Go figure. Oh yeah, and if you're black with six inch, you're small.

    I know it seems like I'm ranting but I'm just sick of it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy, because I'm too young + EVERYBODY will know and make fun of me. Has anybody else been through anything like this? Will I ever be able to overcome this?
    Excuse the grammar and the punctuation by the way, I just ranted without organizing.

  • Wendy

    This is exactly what I was talking about. The media etc controlling opinions. But black guy, you probably have nothing worry about. A signifcant proportion of women care about girth and not length. You need to measure around not along!!

    Guys always assume length is a premium, not so. Provided the lenght is adequate, and at 6 inches you are, girth, technique, passion and stamina are more prized than an extra 2 or 3 inches.

    Dont dismiss what I'm saying- I know there are girls who do talk about 8/9 inchers and big black _____ etc and some white girls do find that quite exotic.

    If you aim for the slightest more demure girls, black or white, they wont be dissappointed. A big one is nice to have but its not essential.

    You should be happy with what you have. There are some guys walking around with 4/5 inches. Susanna Walsh met one guy with 2 inches if you read up. Try complaining to those guys! Dont waste time worrying over this- plenty of girls will think you fine.

    Honest- Wendy

  • susanawalsh

    Seriously, dude, nearly all penises are 6-7 inches erect. Check out the update I just added at the bottom of the post – there's more good information there. Six inches is fine, it's fabulous. Don't even listen to all of the BS you hear, even if it's coming from women. Any woman bitching up a storm about what she wants in a man is a woman who doesn't have one. She may be bitter, stupid or both. No woman worth having ever walked away from a 6 inch penis, that's ridiculous.

    Men tend to project onto women – because they value sex more generally, and because they worry about their penises so much, they assume that women feel the same way. Women are usually much more concerned with the quality of sex, especially the emotional intimacy.

    You have absolutely nothing to fear or be ashamed of. Dwelling on this is clearly making you miserable and it is so unnecessary! Try being with someone in a relationship instead of a hookup. A woman who likes you, or loves you, will adore your penis. I guarantee it.

  • [email protected]

    Not much good news for me with a narrow 4.5 inches then is there?

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      vrowen, you don't need me to tell you that you are smaller than average. I know that sucks. I'm just here to say that even so, much of the problem is in your head rather than your genitals! No one falls in love because of a large penis, and no one falls out of love because of a smaller one. If you are very self-conscious, then I think you should focus on establishing a strong emotional and mental connection before you have sex with someone. If you select women who are shallow and superficial, you may be rejected. If you select a woman who has a strong preference for size, whatever the reason, that's not a good match. I believe there are many women who just wouldn't care that much. I know I wouldn't.

      Everyone has things that they feel self-conscious about, and many people have no choice but to display their imperfections in public. If your penis works, and you are a sensitive lover, you should be able to please any woman sexually.

  • Darren


    1. I worry I will never meet anyone.
    2. Out of 6 sexual encounters, 3 have seen it and immediately walked (no nastiness- just upped an went). 3 were completely drunk. I have never had a girlfriend.
    3. I think if I do meet someone I will deny them accerss to great sex
    4. I think if I do meet some one they are bound to cheat
    5. I think if I have children I might pass on this awful disadvantage
    6. I am constantly reminded by radio, TV, magazines, newsapers, books, internet adverts, collegues, friends and even family members how size matters. (my sister jokingly saying that her 2 year old son will be a hit with the ladies due to his bigger than average size). Beyonce’s latest tune is called ‘Can you get it up- is it big enough. Etc etc x1000
    7. Lastly when I had sex on those 3 occasions I cant say I enjoyed it. Anxiety apart I felt so little friction- I felt I wasn’t nearly big enough for me or them.

    • Il Capo

      Dude, there's a few girls who should appreciate your uniqueness. I had one girl struggle with my size and I'm only average. I also know a few girls who like the idea of anal but can't manage it with anything other very small dildos.

      Find your niche and make the most of your yang.

  • darren

    Deafening silence on that one. The thing is we live such mollycoddled lives we always expect there to be a medical or technical solution to issues in our lives. The cold truth is that sometimes life is tough. What do you say to a 20yo in a terminal cancer ward? Tumour size doesn’t matter?

    Let me give you my experiences.
    At 10 I knew I was small because a nurse remarked on my size in a concerned way when I had a minor bowel surgery.

    This thought consumed me for 8 years until I plucked enough courage to see my uni GP (no way I was gonna see family GP). He measured me at 4 and said I wasn’t micro but was on the very lowest of normal ‘scale’. He talked me through all the possible surgical/chemical options. Pills and potions and expanders are pure bullshit. All surgery does is make the flaccid dick longer- it doesn’t do anything for the erect one- in fact- due to scarring it can be shorter. As for fat injection- it should be called fat infection…

    So nature has ensured there is fuck all I can do about this

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Sorry, Darren, I'm actually away on vacation, checking in far less often. I didn't mean to ignore your comment. Obviously, I am sympathetic, that's why I wrote this post. I'm not a professional, so I'm not in a position to give any concrete advice. This is obviously a real problem, and you've experienced it as a significant disadvantage. I can certainly understand why you feel so discouraged and unhappy. In fact, it sounds like you experience this is as a real handicap, and you've pointed out that there is no remedy.

      You cannot control the size of your genitals. You can only control your own response. The first thing I would say is you have to learn to ignore the cultural references. Cultural pressure is real, and I believe that is where most of the preference for size comes from. I wrote this post because I know that a man can please a woman regardless of penis size. It may be that intercourse will not be the best part of sex for your partner, and it sounds like it wasn't the best for you. That still leaves many other options. There are various ways for men and women to have orgasms, and as long as you can have one and give one you are fully capable of a rich and rewarding sex life.

      For you, the problem really is one of self-esteem/confidence. I can certainly understand why that's the case, and I think that is the battle you have to fight. I remain certain that there are women who will love your penis if they love you. There are women who are in love with men who are incapable of sex, or even of having orgasms, due to physical injury. I wrote above about a guy I knew with a micropenis, and at the urging of another reader I googled him and learned that he has a lovely wife and daughter.

      Your frustration and anger is understandable, but I believe that if you can meet a woman who falls for YOU, this is not an insurmountable problem. There are therapists who specialize in male sexuality, and that might be a good way to get some perspective and good advice from an expert. Aside from that, I would live your life as anyone else would. Go on dates. Because you will feel self-conscious, delay sex until you have something real with someone. Don't go for the drunk hookup with a stranger. I am confident that if a woman falls for you with your clothes on, she will love you with them off. This needn't be something that ruins your life. That's why I called it a battle, and I think you do have to fight it. Don't let this get the better of you.

      • darren

        Thankyou Susanna- A lot of what you say makes sense. I'm split between the way forward now. The 3 girls that bailed I didnt know that well so we didnt have any mutual friends they could tell so it wasnt too awkward for me.

        Trouble is, if I build up a proper relationship with a girl and then she bails after she sees it- i dont know if I could handle that. Truly.

        • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

          All I can do is tell you how I would handle it if I were you. Build the relationship. Be assured of a woman's values and character. Once you feel that a woman is someone you could love, nurture the emotional intimacy. You can state right up front that you don't want to have sex too soon. When you feel confident that a real emotional connection exists between the two of you, talk to her about it. Tell her that you are nervous and self-conscious, but that you would really like to make love to her. See what she says. Do not have sex with a woman until you feel reassured that she cares for you. Casual hookups are definitely not for you, for the reason you state above – it could be devastating.

          Look, I had a good friend in grad school who knowingly went into a year-long relationship with an impotent man. She fell in love with him, and it wasn't a dealbreaker. You have a penis that works! Seriously, do not treat this like it's the end of the world, it isn't! But I think you should protect yourself by being physically intimate only with someone you can trust.

          There are no guarantees for any of us. Plenty of men and women watch partners bail, and experience rejection. Focus on what's most important to find a woman who feels the same way you do. It's not genitals, in fact it isn't physical characteristics at all.

  • Dee

    I've stumbled apon this page while searching for something penis-size related on google. As a person who has a 5" penis, I can say that this is just about as big a curse as going bald at 20 or being 5'3 tall. Sure the bald and short guys eventually get married, but what do they have to go through to even have a chance? It was said earlier that guys with smaller penises are not as self-confident and so are less likely to attract a partner. But how are they supposed to get that confidence when it's known that in general a bigger penis is preferable? It's like telling a fat guy to show off his muscles in a competition against body builders. Even if he's going to show off he's not going to get good marks.

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      It is a challenge to be very confident if one goes bald early, is extremely short, or has a small penis. Yet I know many men who are faced with these and other obstacles and are in successful long-term relationships. It's important to realize that women are biologically programmed to select men for mating based on a wide variety of factors, mostly based on whether he will be a good potential parent.

      That's why you often see very attractive women with less attractive men – if a man can present as sufficiently dominant and assertive, he will attract women. When you have something eating away at your confidence, it's important to work on that. I understand it feels like a Catch 22, and one thing guys trying to get better Game do is practice approaching women many times so that they can get somewhat used to rejection.

      Having said that, honestly, I think you are FAR more worried about this than many women are. As I said to Darren above, when you have casual sex or drunk sex, by definition you are with someone who doesn't care about you. All she is after is a quick f*ck, and possibly a story to tell her friends.
      Instead, try to get to know women well before you have sex with them. Become friends first, and let intimacy develop over time. This means better sex anyway, not just with regard to genital size.

      Again, though, I have to emphasize, I've seen 5" penises and I just don't think there's that big a difference when you're talking about an inch here or there. You are well within the bell curve, so stop tormenting yourself!

  • Dee

    I think a lot of the statistics on penis size and sexual satisfaction are outdated. Everyone will agree with me that women these days have 100% of the choice in when and who they sleep with and I'm also pretty sure that everyone will agree with me that as a society we have turned away from putting in hard work and instead hoping for instant gratification for little effort. This is why bigger penises are preferable in the short term. So sure, those statistics saying women would be satisfied with a whole range of penis size is true, but are they going for those penis sizes? It's more to do with what's left on the market. Very few people seriously date until after their college years and that means a whole section of the population is left frustrated. And yeah even as a guy I've heard girls talk and a lot of guys get labeled with having a small dick, it's surprising how quickly these sort of things spread even in large colleges.(or at least the one I went to, and no, it didn't happen to me)

  • Dee

    Also, I don't trust any of the sources saying what the average penis size is. It ranges from anywhere between 4.5 to 7.5 inches. That is a huge difference between penis sizes. I think the smaller sizes are brought up on websites just so smaller guys don't worry as much. Men with smaller penises really cannot enjoy normal 21st century life in America like they should. There's no turning back now, it will just get worse, I believe the "size-queen" phenomenon is going to increase in the future. As for now all we can get is a doctor or some statistic saying we are in the normal range. We don't want to have a huge increase of people with mental issues brought up because of their penis size. Although I believe in the future more men will need mental help for this "non"-issue.

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Women have always been the ones to provide access to sex, and they always will be. A woman seeking a one-night stand will be more impressed with novelty, something different than all the other one-night stands. This is because women generally don't find casual sex as satisfying as men do – we have more orgasms and better orgasms with a preferred male instead of a stranger.

      In college, the only people making out well are guys who are natural "Alphas." They exude a lot of confidence with women. That's about 20% of the population, and the other 80% of the guys are generally getting little or no sex. Many girls are also very unhappy, because they often want relationships, and the men they are being approached by don't want that.

      If you're in that 80%, you need to get some Game, enough so that you can mimic the behaviors of a natural Alpha. If you can work on your ability to attract women, you are more likely to find a woman who will care for every part of you.

      No matter how many reassuring stats you find online, it will never be enough. You can only approach this by working on the way you feel about it, and how you choose to handle it.

  • VJ1

    "And did it say Susan Walsh encountered a micropenis at the Pi Kappa Alpha house on November 26, 1982?"

    Sheet…That was you?!! I'm like really, really sorry. It's all fixed now! Don't ask how… DARPA did it. I can see in the dark with it too. Cheers, 'VJ'

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Haha, VJ, what are you doing over here on this post? My most read post ever, by the way. Which proves how many men struggle with this anxiety.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

    Update from an article in my in box this morning. Nothing new, but it bears repeating:

    From Sex: Fact and Fiction at WebMD

    "We equate masculinity and power with penis size," says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. "Of course, there's really no relationship." Still, Sharlip says, "all" of his patients want to increase their penis size.

    The idea that bigger is better is "not just total mythology," says Seth Prosterman, who has counseled couples since 1984 and notes that some of the women he's worked with do prefer a bigger penis — aesthetically or "fit-wise." But, he adds, "For the vast majority of partners, penis size doesn't matter."
    So what, exactly, constitutes a big penis? Let's whip out some data:
    •The average penis size is between five and six inches. That's for an erect penis.
    •The flaccid male organ averages around three and a half inches.

    If you had an anxiety hiccup before you read the "erect" qualifier, consider it a metaphor for the danger of jumping to conclusions about penis size — or about the primacy of the penis altogether.

    "The idea that the penis is the most important part of your body underlies so many of men's sexual problems," says Cory Silverberg, a sexual health educator and founding member of Come As You Are, an education-based sex store in Toronto. "One of the biggest sex myths for men is the notion that we are our penises, and that's all that counts in terms of sex."

    "It's a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman," says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to "female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques." In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.

    • Patty

      That comment by Ira is not strictly true. Masculinity in a male actual can be measeured by size as it indicates testosterone exposure in the womb. Males with decreased testosterone (or an inability to respond to it) are called under-virilised. The more the deficiency the smaller the genitals. Severe reductions result in intersex conditions and/or infertility. There often other clues like relative finger size in males. If you look at athletes in high power sports they always show this effect. Also true, to an extent, in facial features and bmi.

  • liverpoolguyz

    This is disengenious and classic 'misdirection'.
    Couples would normally only complain about size if the guy is small.

    That is not the same as 'most couples dont care about size'

    Also, most people know oral sex is very pleasurable and less than half of women orgasm from sex alone. That doesnt stop size mattering as most women want a guy with a decent sized tongue and a decent sized member AND decent technique. Why settle for less?

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      What the hell? A decent sized tongue? Do you prefer a 7 incher? Honestly, the nonsense some people spout in these comments! A decent sized member? Not sure what constitutes decent. Decent technique? Easily learned in a weekend with a person you dig.

      Now, let's assume I find a guy who has a big tongue, and a big penis and good sexual technique. What about his character? How about if he's Jack the Ripper? Many men could meet your qualifications and be cruel, selfish, boring, and ugly. I don't think it's possible to stoop any lower than that.

  • Tal

    I think the truth is that women with high self esteem care a fair bit about size and women with lower self esteem simply want a faithful/secure partner and are more forgiving of bodily imperfections.

    Just as well because we cant all look like Claudia Schiffer or George Clooney.


    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Interesting, what do you base that on? I would have thought it was just the opposite. A woman with high self-esteem doesn't need a certain kind of penis to validate her sexually. She will be more capable of a healthy relationship with a faithful/secure partner and will have the maturity to accept the man she loves for who he is. A shallow woman will "need" to be seen on the arm of a hot man, and if she can boast about his penis to her friends, so much the better.

  • TaliaZ

    I suppose it depends on your definition of what esteem is. In my experience the women in my circles who have hinted their men are well endowed are attractive, self assured and highly confident.

    Plus, most women desire a hot man not for boasting rights but more for the 'hotness' in itself. The boasting is just an extra benefit.

    Dont you think there is a certain maturity in being comfortable in your own skin and knowing what you want? and being open and honest about it?

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh


      1. I wonder what your definition of well endowed is. Does a confident woman have the right to a large penis? How large? How early on does she rule a guy in or out? Is she more likely to have casual sex to get a look right away and make sure she isn't wasting time with an average sized guy? Or does she wait until she has feelings for a man, and then hope and pray he isn't smaller than average, since that would be a dealbreaker and break her heart?

      2. You equate large penis with hot man. I couldn't disagree more. In my experience, and in what I have learned from my readers and other research, men with large penises tend to be lazy in bed. They rely on their penises to do the job, and are less likely to have any other technique. Since 75-80% of women don't come from intercourse alone, this is a serious deficit.

      3. I do think it's great when women know what they want and go for it. If you're a woman who wants a big penis, happy hunting!

      • Talis

        I'm not such a woman particularly. I'm very happy with my partner (only the 2nd guy I have been with) and he's nicely average.

        So i'm no expert on the ranges out there. If the average is between 6-7 then I suppose anything above 7 is 'well endowed' but I have heard mention of some eye watering sizes over the years. I think the questions you pose have answers that depend upon the women concerned. I know lots of women 'cop a feel' of the goods to ensure they are physically compatible.

        I would agree hotness can take many forms. I adore tight buns and square shoulders, some girls might lust after size. I just dont think girls pick a bloke for boasting rights or status- i think they do it because the guy turns them on.

        I totally agree oral is important. Without it I would not be able to have intercourse personally.

  • LeslieW

    A lot of young couples can fall madly in love and if the guy is in the lowest 10% its not the end of the world because the girl is in the throws of a naive love and can forgive anything physical. They get marrried, its all good etc but then the girl ages a few years, she gets to know her body, reads a bit of erotica, realises shes getting squat from intercourse. She is less interested in her partner, he picks up on it, confidence lowers, spiral starts, physical intimacy nosedives, arguments over the dishes dont get resolved, money issues grate, one or both partners cheat, divorce likehood rises etc etc

    This issue always gets brushed under the carpet, but in my exerience as a sex counsellor this is one of the more prevalent issues today, second only to the overuse of pornogaphy by men.

    I'm not saying what the solution is, I wish I did but blogs like this are going to increase more and more as time goes by. One thing I would urge to any women reading this is that they never 'out' a small guy. No matter how bitter you are or feel. Men across the western world take thier own lives over this issue and countless relationships destroyed because of a lack of coping strategies for those affected.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

    Well, as far as I can tell, it's very common for married people to feel dissatisfied with their sex lives after a few years. This is true regardless of penis size.

    She is less interested in her partner, he picks up on it, confidence lowers, spiral starts, physical intimacy nosedives, arguments over the dishes dont get resolved, money issues grate, one or both partners cheat, divorce likehood rises etc etc

    Unfortunately, this is a very common complaint among those who have been married for a while. If there are children in the mix, that takes enormous time and exacerbates the problem. Many women don't find intercourse ENOUGH – that's not to say they "don't get squat." But for many women, intercourse is for the guy.

    It's interesting you say that you work as a sex counselor, and that small penis size is the second most prevalent issues you deal with. It makes me wonder what "small" is. If you've got that many clients worried about it, it really can't be that rare! Once again, I sense a cultural magnification of the issue.

  • leslieW

    Yes, I would agree to each and every point made here. I have indeed worked with couples where the man was above average in size but the chemistry had gone. Children are a very common factor. Sometimes its time or exhaustion issues, sometimes the husband sees the wife as a 'mother' and that can alter his libdio. This has been the case since I started in this profession. However pornography addiction or size issues have overtaken in the past few years.

    The cultural impact has certainly played a part. Female erotica found in books or magazines have altered expectations. Even sitcoms have an underlying theme. Some of your previous posters referenced the music industry. Some of the lyrics, from female artists particulary, have an enormous impact on young girls (and boys) and alter expectations even more. Frankly I feel I should charge the music/publishing industry rather than my clients sometimes!

  • Ralphy

    Its not just erotica and media its also a feminist thing for girls to put down men easily because they know its emasculating. Spears did it to Timberlake a few years back. Battle of the sexes stuff.

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Exactly right. I believe it is a very comment insult to hurl at a guy who's breaking up with a woman. When women feel threatened, this is the first thing they'll throw out. Guys should be able to discount it, i.e., "consider the source," but it's such a sensitive topic for guys that even a remark made in anger will resonate and make them worry about this issue.

      • Brian

        I think we all know that women do that to wound men even if the recipient is large or average in size. But it also reveals what women really think of small men. thats why its the ultimate insult.

        Its worse to be called a pencil dick then it is a criminal because you are the lowest of the low. To own a small one is the ultimate sin- the leprosy of our era.

        so to be accused of having a small one is bad enough but to actually HAVE a small one….beyond endurance.

        • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

          Keep in mind, Brian, the median number of sexual partners for women is 4:


          That means the odds are very high that most women have never seen a penis outside the range of average, and furthermore, most have little basis for comparison. Most women don't actually know when they look at a penis where it falls on the size scale.

          However, all women know they can hurt a man by saying something insulting about his penis. Therefore, it seems likely that the insult does not reflect the woman's knowledge or even how she feels about that particular guy's penis. It's just a cheap shot, and men should take it as such.

  • brian

    yeah i totally get that the insult may or may not be truthful but its used because its the worst insult they can muster because its so disgraceful to be small.

    the use of that particular insult betrays how women regard smaller organs.

    and i cannot imagine a women in this day and age doesnt know the average is 6-7.
    surely most 11yo girls know that in sex ed?

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      WebMD says the average is 5-6 for an erect penis, FWIW. Also, I can assure you that it can be rather difficult to tell – one really gets a general impression, not an exact measurement. Honestly, I've been married 25 years and I am not sure I could come within an inch of being accurate. I've never measured! Furthermore, lots of things can make a penis look bigger or smaller. Fat around the middle makes a dick look smaller. Shaving off pubic hair makes a penis look bigger.

      I never took sex ed, but I don't think it would be helpful to teach data about genital size. I don't think that's part of the curriculum in the U.S. at least.

  • EyeSaw

    The thing is about all this ho-haa is the fact that nobody looks at the picture scientifically and that people tastes vary so much.

    1. People will always take the piss out of ugly people, fat people, dumb people or people with small junk.

    2. Of course women have an idea of the average size, its in science text books, the net, whatever…obviously they are not as obsessed like blokes but i doubt there isnt a women over the age of 16 in the western world that doesnt know its about 6in.

    3. Right, get your calculators out….

    In a recent(ish) massive study 50,000 people were polled about size.

    85% of women were happy.

    However of the 6% of man that were ‘small’, 70% of women partners werent.

    in the 50’s Kinsey did a massive poll to give an average of 6.4 in.
    10% less than 5.5, 40% 5.5-6, 40% 6-7, 10% 7-10.

    but recent studies push the bell curve a little more to the left giving an average of 5.9in
    10% less than 5, 40% 5-6, 40% 6-7, 10% 7-10.

    Now I will go with the more recent figures. I am going to assume that most of the 15% of men with partners who didnt think they were big enough were in the bottom 10% and 40% sectors (at least I hope so!- gulp!). so that means if you are close to 5in you have a pretty good chance you are with someone who thinks you are too small. And that for men is the most painful thing in the world.

    If you are between 4-5 in you are almost certainly with someone who thinks you are too small.

    So that why guys fret so much. With figures like these the odds are not good.

  • Del

    70% of women think their men are too small!!!!!!!!!! thats got to be BS!!!

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Wait, no. Of the men studied, 6% were classified small. We don't know what that means in terms of size. Of those men's partners, 70% were dissatisfied with size. Of course, this doesn't explore what those men are doing in bed, with their penises and other sexual practices. There may be a causal relationship where men who are deemed small are timid in bed or avoid sex. Of course their partners would be unhappy in that case.

      Size is a very difficult and complicated issue – psychologically, physically and culturally. I understand why men are anxious. I just continue to encourage men to find a loving partner and take it from there. Use your brain in bed – it's the most important sex organ.

  • EyeSaw

    Susana is quite right. I didnt explain it very well. Its 70% of 6% so just over 4% of men in reality.

    I’m a bit confused myself as to why therefore its 15% that werent happy as a total.
    The research didnt expain that nor did it say who qualified as small.
    I guess they were holding out for additional funding?

    In terms of why women were disastified the research paper said ‘size too small’ in of itself. Again it didnt say if it was due to looks, or vaginal effect.

    It is good news for the average guy- there wasnt much evidence of women being strongly attracted to huge members just a clear indication of dislike of ‘smaller’ (whatever that might be- I was guessing in my previous post)

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      EyeSaw, thanks for sharing information. As with all of these studies, it means good news for some and bad news for others, depending on where you stand. I fear that guys who are worried about the issue keep googling until their worst fears are confirmed. It's very difficult to sort through all the information out there.

  • EyeSaw

    Yes indeed. There is a real yo yo of data and arguments between experts. Men dont have a clue where they stand.

    Any anxiety is heightened by the culture of western society which is pro size. The best selling girl singer has certainly nailed her colours to the mast with her latest hit so thats any man between the age of 13-30 thats gonna worry- I mean how could you not!!

    So they look up the data and its either phew! or damn!

    but… no different from what ugly or short guys have to put up with I guess. We all have our crosses etc etc

  • seth

    i take it you mean rhianna.
    that is one sanky girl with one skanky song

  • Kam20

    I'll apologize up front for the need to multiple-post…

    I yo-yo on this every day. I have been depressed for decades and it's this issues compounded with others.

    But last night, I found a lump and my preoccupation has returned. Last Autumn I tried to kill myself. And failed. I have gone through months of therapies and healing, and I have days where I come very close to accepting myself.

    And then a simple comment, joke, or general insensitivity can undo months of work and that scares me, because I'm not convinced that I deserve to die over something I had no control over.

    I had an infection in my foreskin when I was 5, and needed an "emergency" circumcision because I didn't tell anyone about it soon enough. It's very apparant to me based on some slight discomfort and bizarre look of "overstraining" when fully erect, (and by the scarring), I was left with less than what I will ever know what nature intended. I was screwed by the hands of nature AND man.

  • Kam20

    Yet it's funny to so many and my life is somehow devalued. I'm also intelligent enough to know that most of the most vocal of "size advocates" are immanture big men looking for praise, or people -men AND women, straight AND gay – who take an intentionally negative view just to push buttons and get a rise out of people,

    But the fact remains that I will never feel ok with myself despite how intelligent I am, because I feel guilty. Guilty for not being "man enough" despite how much I have come to learn about self-acceptance and maturity. And I feel guilty about losing the love of my life 10 years ago. And it was over the size of my penis… in a way.

    I ran into her a few years back. During that awkward exchange I sarcastically pointed out how I never felt "man enough". She didn't get it at first. Then she clued in to what I was saying.

    You see, when we were together I made no secret about how I was not good enough for her – how that she would leave me for a "real man". Dour time together, she was nothing but loving and supportive. And she never cheated on me.

  • Kam20

    So back to our post-breakup exchange. "Oh." She said. She looked a bit surprised, perplexed, and a hint said. "You're still worried about that?" "Yeah, of course". I was stunned it wasn't on the tip of her tongue or her memory. She shook her head and gave me a 'you gotta be kidding' look. "Honestly, I don't think most women care about that stuff…"

    Here's the thing. You can say I'm being delusional or she was just "being nice". But we were together for 4 years. I knew her inside and out. She rarely ever lied and when she did – and white-lies only, I could very easily tell. I say that with all confidence. So it was by the tone of her voice and the look on her face that she wasn't kidding. She was stunned that I am still preoccupied. She didn't give it a thought after she left me.

    But I still do. She stayed with me for 4 years before it got to be too much. If she wasn't "satisfied" things would have ended sooner and differently.

  • Kam20

    But she DID leave me. Not because of her dissatisfaction, but because I was not confident, mature, or accepting. If you were with someone for 4 years and every day were told that they weren't good enough for you, that you were shallow and were intending to leave them, ( & all of the other negativity that goes with that), would you not leave as well?

    My point is the preoccupation with the shallow is more destructive than the size itself. I know there are plenty of women who WOULD reject me, but personality wise they wouldn't likely be attractive to me anyway.

    And on days like this when I'm feeling low I get scared but I think I have taught myself that my penis is not worth my life. And I am seeing my doctor tomorrow about the lump. And I am also waiting on a referral to a urologist, who in turn I will also ask about psychotherapy options. I suffered in silence for years. I let a broken heart and a hate of my own body handcuff me for a decade. But like I said, my penis is not worth my life. And a good, caring person will know this.

    Sorry for the length of this. Thanks for the platform.

    Peace, and Cheers

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      Kam20, your post moved me more than I can say. Thank you so much for sharing this painful story with such honesty and insight. I think it will be read by and comfort more people than you know.

      I am glad that you really and truly understand how a loving and generous person really feels about this issue. I hope with all of my heart that you can learn to accept yourself. You are so, so much more than your penis. Your penis is not worth your life. It is so important that you realize that and accept it. I hope and pray that all goes well with your health – and I do urge you to get that psychotherapist and work through it. If you can learn to love yourself, and even to be thankful for the surgery that may have saved your life, you will be everything that the right woman needs and wants in a man.

      • Kam20

        Thank you for your words and your rationale in a blogosphere that almost tempts hostility and childishness by its own very existence. LOL Seriously though, you are kind and I appreciate that.

        I'd like to apologize to you and your readers for a mistake I seem to have made – it was a 4-parter and part 2 didn't show up, so the bit that ended "nature AND man" doesn't flow well into "So back to" – that part of the story got lost. However, I trust the gist isn't lost on anyone.

        Part of that missing post talked about how I tried to kill myself (hence the "worth my life" wording) and how I've been in various types of therapy and have made amazing progress over the last 6 months, but that sometimes one bad day, or a comment or joke can undo that. That, I think, is the biggest part of my struggle. However I think if I can continue learning how to be stronger for those bad days rather than relapse, I can demonstrate more "manliness" than any appendage would signify. Thanks again and cheers. :)

        • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

          This is my fault, or well, my site's fault. Part 2 got caught in the spam filter, idk why, and I saved it and "approved" it, but it hasn't shown up yet. I will investigate. So my comment did reflect my having read it, but I want everyone else to be able to see it too.

          I'm no therapist, but I would like to suggest that when you hear a comment or joke, you write it off as the insensitive rambling of an idiot. In fact, you might even allow yourself to feel angry and resentful. I'm not suggesting you act on that, but rather than turning the blame inward, try allocating it outward to its proper recipient. I'm sure your ex would agree that this does not need to be your problem if you refuse to let it be. Don't give credit to ignorance.

        • Kam20

          Thanks, Susan

          I'm willing to bet I triggered the spam guard by sending the multiples out one after another – probably some "30 second rule". But yes I thought afterward that it seemed that your initial response directly referenced something from part 2.

          In any case, that advice is good and very similar to what the "pros" I am working with are giving me. For life in general, I mean. My issues are many, this just happens to be in the top 3. 😉


  • anon


    scroll to the bottom and read the older posts too…

    this is what guys like us have to put up with…. and why there is nothing we can do about it.

    platitudes are all well and fine but we have to live in the real world.

    if kam had a 4 year relationship then he found a one in a million girl.

    if you can do it once you can do it again my friend- i know how hard it is but i hope u make it somehow.

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/susanawalsh susanawalsh

      This is not the real world! Can't you see that? This is a blog by a woman looking to make a quick buck. And nothing makes money like preying on men who are worried about penis size. The ridiculous article you link to is a list of biggest penises by city. As if Chicagoans have bigger penises than New Yorkers, or vice versa. It's patently ridiculous! This "data" was provided by a condom company based on their orders for custom condoms around the country.

      Stop torturing yourself! Platitudes are not helpful, and neither is this kind of disinformation. I've tried to tell it straight here as best I can.

      • anon

        its the world i live in. im 26 and trust me, this is the mind set of girls of that age on the issue.

        i thought the blog may be biased too but its a massive site on a wide variety of topics not just sex. i cant see why there would be fast bucks involved. theres a ton of helpful stuff too.

        anyhow I said scroll the bottom (unless it didnt work, click cock talk on the right)

        and did you read the external comments?

        and the other 15 articles on size?

        its overwhelming and…. one girl reacted the same way you did over too big/too small..

        so it was your reality too..

        the authors certainly told it straight. its the reality of my situation until im 6ft under.

  • Kam20

    anon – thx. I chose not to view the link you posted. No disrespect. Not trying to be naive, but – & this is the months of therapy talking – I suspect it will be more of the "all or nothing" thinking that causes way more harm than good.

    You 're so right, though – she was one in a million. For the romantic reasons. She was my 2nd fiancee. Never married. I left my first fiancee. What else is funny? They both proposed to me.

    RE: the 2 women I was with since "her": both knew what I had. One laughed at me for being silly over insecurity before, shall we say, continuing enthusiastically. The other? More than one wknd together. The lesson? I'm MY OWN biggest obstacle. I also take great care in making sure I'm only with people I have feelings for & feel safe with. I've never been rebuffed or laughed at. I also definitely don't try enough.

    Not sure if I'll "find another", but I hold out some hope to. Remember : "evidence" doesn't mean "everybody". Take Care!

  • anon

    i know… and perhaps i should change my circle of female friends…they dont help (they dont know my size)

    maybe if i move country they might have different priorities

    feel free to ignore this question but what size region are you?

    im 4-5 which if i am to beleive both sexes is beyond contempt but given you have had success I would be interested to know your approx size- if this is too dumb and intrusive just tell me where to get off- you ve every right.

    • Kam20

      I think it DOES have a lot to do with who and what one surrounds themself with. I know the phase you are in. I was there too. Last year. It looks like you're in the "the math works against me and everyone will reject me phase". And with that comes the (really negative) urge to go out and find all the information to back that up. And the urge to reject everything that anyone has to say to refute the negatives.

      I'm not having a go at you, I hope you know that. I'm saying I've been there. It's My suicide attempt failed. I don't want anyone out there to even get as far as I did.

    • Kam20

      Oh, and only thanks to web-anonymity 😉 I will answer the question…

      Size wise – well I've let myself go a bit but I'm working on fitness again. So dealing with that dreaded "fat-pack" I am essentially variant from 5-5.5 inches. My issue is lack of girth. The aforementioned surgery and stitch job left me with a constrained 4" circ. My head though is much larger than normal. It's caused me great shame, but if I can speak to my "success" it is exactly what I've already mentioned – I know who and what I'm attracted to. The shallow size-types tend to have interests and intellect levels that I'm not compatible with. I can tell when someone will be good for me. And I haven't really been that wrong. My insecurity keeps me from trying though, so that's why I put quotes areound "success". I don't try because my fears keep me from it. When I do try, I have success. But it isn't total "success". It is, however, attainable…

      Hope this helps a bit :)

      • anon

        Well this changes everything!!!!! the devil is in the detail!

        if you are 5.5 you are only a bit below average and you say you have a very large head!!

        this gives you length and girth!

        no wonder you have been successful.

        thats is not my situation AT ALL.

        i could slap you round the head- you have no right to complain in my book.

        im sounding harsh, and i appreciate you being candid when i asked something so personal but you are in a different place to me. Try havign 4″ girth at the widest point!

        you have it made my friend. You have been brainwashed listening to loud women or watching porn thinking 9 is normal- look at the data- it doesnt lie. Count your fine blessings

        • Kam20

          :( I know where you're coming from, really. I gave you a range as you did. You assumed that I'm consistently at the top end. I'm not, like any guy, but even if I say 80% of my erections are 5.25, you'd still be unhappy. & I mentioned the head not b/c of girth but that combined with scarring along my shaft I feel like a misshapen freak. I AM 4. I understand your pain even if you don't think I do. I know what you're doing, and why. Scouring the internet for information to fuel your fears and seeking a number that will be smaller -not the answer. I know, I used to intentionally look too. It's not healthy. I'm not a pro. There ARE amazing people who can help. I hope you & anyone alike will seek it as I have. I can point out other items on-line like erectionphotos site or Wessells study (says avg is 5.07 & is generally accepted to be most accurate b/c it wasn't skewed by voluntary participants), but I don't think that'd help. I know I didn't give you an answer you were looking for, but I don't believe you'll find that online. Please, consider this & take care. I mean that.

  • HasteBase

    Dear Sirs/Madams

    The problem isnt so much whats in YOUR head, its more whats in OTHERS heads;


    Whats common about all these top tunes is that they are written and performed by female performers.

    If I have engaged in a conversation with a lady about this topic, or overheard a converstion with a lady about this topic it was always clear size was important. I have never in my life known of a women who didnt think a small one was a severe turn off. So some of the comments here do raise the eyebrow- I assumed that small men were simply unlucky and just had to endure the situation, just like those with any physical ailment.

  • JP

    I would like to share a story that is related to your posts, but deals with a different issue. I went to school with a guy who had gynecomastia. In other words man breasts. He certainly took his share of ridicule from other students, teachers, and others. He grew in high school to about 6ft 6 in. and 245 lbs. No one dared to make fun of his condition after this. He dated some girls but was unable to perform because of the anxiety over his condition.
    After we graduated he got the courage up to speak to his doctor about his problem. He was refered to an endocronolygist and was informed of the condition and treatment for it. Treatment being only a breast reduction surgery. He couldn’t get his insurance to pay for the surgery, so he saved and payed for it himself. The insurance company called it cosmetic surgery. The surgery was a success and he thought he could move on with life normally. But he soon learned that the surgery only treated the physical and not the mental aspects. Unable to ever feel confortable with himself he never dated after the surgery. The emotional damage had already been done. Sadly enough, a very good friend of mine committed suicide at the age of thirty one. He stated in his note that he couldn’t stand the pressure of people asking him when are you going to get married? What’s wrong with you? Are you gay? He suffured in silence until he couldn’t take anymore.
    I would like to offer advice to anyone who feels stressed about themself. Try to accept you for who you are mentally and personally. Take pride in any attributes that you can share with others. There is more to life than sex and constant worry of how you measure up to anothers standards. But, if you have trouble with this seek help from your doctor, therapist, or just a friend. Be weary of miracle cures and commercials on tv and the net. Try to remember everything on tv is not real and be cautious of how you treat others. Words can really kill…..

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      JP, thank you for this thoughtful post. Your words ring true and are very important. I respect your effort to help your nephew. Be careful about information found online. This post is only my opinion, though it is honest. However, there is much deliberate misinformation online. An MD, preferably an endocrinologist, would probably be a more reliable source.

      By the way, I deleted Poly. Desi’s rude and insensitive comment, so I took your responses to it down as well.

  • [email protected]

    umm.. may i ask you a question? how many posts have you censored in the past year?

    are you only allowing posts from people with identical opinions?

    just curious….

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      The only two kidns of posts I have censored are those that:

      1. Appear to have a profit agenda. Many people post here and spam to sell products for penis enlargement or subscriptions for large penis porn. My spam filter caught your previous post, and it’s sitting there. To be honest, I wondered about the name Tall Wood. In the U.S. that could most definitely be a euphemism for Long Dick, which would make you a spammer. If I am incorrect, please enlighten me.

      2. Are deliberately cruel, encouraging men with small penises to disappear or die.

      As for different opinions, if you read through the thread you will see many of them that say that size matters. I have engaged in many productive debates on this thread.

  • [email protected]

    fair enough..

    actually my name is nicola stallwood. im a london gal. any puns please direct towards my great grand parents…

    having tracked back through the comments yeah, i guess more posts argue against you than for you so fair point..

    i was basing my comment on the last few days.. consider it withdrawn..

    what do u think of the big brother thing though- you ever seen the US version

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      I haven’t heard of Big Brother, but I do know there is a new show starting here that is about a high school nerd who is reviled by girls until someone yanks his pants down and reveals his huge penis to the entire school. Apparently, this makes him the most popular guy on campus. I am curious to see if it works – it seems very far fetched to me.

      There is a popular show here on HBO called Hung, where a guy with a large penis loses his job and starts making money as a male hooker. Eh, it’s OK.

  • [email protected]

    i saw ‘hung’ its- over here in uk, i think its dull as dish water

    and the nerd thing? i wouldnt think a big one cancels out nerdiness- sounds silly

    (no offence nerds!!)

    If you are interested in the context surrounding the issue in this country then look up Big Brother 2007 and the media coverage.

    Not only does it humiliate a guy over size for weeks it also lambasted a semi-celebrity over her ugliness. The celebrity has since died of cancer and has since been ‘revered’

    However, imortant note, despite bad ‘press’ both the ugly girl and the small guy both had relationships with attractive people after they left the show.

    • Polyamorous Desi

      Big Brother, wasn’t that the show that tried to disgrace Bollywood Starlet Shilpa Shetty but she conducted herself with the pristine decorum that Indian women are known for?

  • nicola

    yes its the very same show

    that particular year is famous for the previously mentioned deceased celebrity being accused of overt bullying and racism. (her behaviour was appalling towards Shilpa)

    Ms Shetty was praised for her poise and was one of the few to have longer term careers after appearing on the show.

    However I dont think the show was to blame. It was a reality show and those appearing were responsible for their own behaviour. It was a dire formula but I confess I was addicted for 10 years. I so miss Davina (host).

    FFS how did we get onto this?

  • http://[email protected] Anonymous

    I reckon the truth is that bigger ones look and feel a lot better. Small ones look awful and you cant feel much. Averge ones are… well….average.

    Most girls have their flings and get their lusts sated and out of their systems. Then they are ready to settle down with someone they can trust and love. Provided the equipment isnt too small its not the most important thing in the world.

    For those women who insist on a constant stream of romantic passion, orgsamic lovemaking etc- well, they often end up childless and alone in their 40’s. So you know, its swings and roundabouts. I say stick with the average guy as its better in the long run.

  • Littlevirginguy

    Hi I am a virgin male with a smaller sized penis. I have been worrying if a woman would ever want to be with me because I am a virgin and have a smaller penis. Would either one of these attributes cause any of you ladies to reject me.

    I have never really tried to fall in love because I am afraid that she (whoever she may be) will just ridicule me. What are your thoughts?


    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      LVG, the key here is to not fall in love with a woman who would ridicule you. Get out there and meet people. Interact with women based on initial attraction and compatibility. If a woman develops real feelings for you, and she is a woman of good values, she will not bolt due to the size of your penis. Personally, if I loved a man I could easily make it work no matter what. Honestly, if you are healthy, be grateful for that! Life is too short to be staying away from women due to anxiety over penis size. Some women might have a problem with it, some might not. But that’s no different than the odds that everyone else faces when looking for love. We’ve all got our strengths and our weaknesses. Don’t let this get in the way of a real connection with someone.

      • Littlevirginguy

        Thank you Susan for th words of encouragement. Maybe you are right. I will go out and try. Hopefully she won’t mind that I am a virgin too. Maybe she will even think it is good. Thanks a lot Susan!


        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          I wish you all the best! Just take it one step at a time if you need to, but keep moving.

  • PenisGuy

    I hope I can talk explicitly here. When I read that someone was going to kill themself because their penis is 5″ I had to respond. I’m on the small side and I don’t give a damn about it. I work out and have a lean muscular body. I’m sure there are alot of men with 7″ who would trade their penis to have my physique. Mine measures a pitiful 2″ in it’s flaccid state. I almost always have a shrivelly as if it was cold. If I can get it to hang loose (which normally only happens when I’m super relaxed after drinking alcohol) it hangs 3.5″. Erect it’s 5 inches exactly. The funny thing is that I’m an exhibitionist meaning that I love to be naked in mixed company, especially if I’m the only one naked. I have done nude modeling for art classes which involves posing on a platform completely naked with everything on display. I have also been in Playgirl magazine in the amateur section. I like going to the nude beach in Miami. The point is that I am very confident about the other 99% of my body and I get sex with women and never heard a complaint and I can tell when she has an orgasm. When her legs are quivering and she’s all moist she is not faking an orgasm. I like to get her all worked up with my tongue first and then I finish her off with my penis.

    • PenisGuy

      I think some women are turned on for having a small package and still being confident. My advice for any man having issues with their size is to look at the rest of your body. You can’t do a damned thing about your penis size but you can hit the gym and build a decent body and trust me, women will like it.

      Please do not think of killing yourself because of this. Just think what women with small breasts must feel. Your penis is hidden for the most part but women have their breasts on display all the time. I remember when I lost my virginity in high school. I was self conscious of my penis back then. When I took my pants off and she got a look at me I said “yeah, I know it’s small”. Her response was “so what, I have small boobs”.

      • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

        Thank you, this is by far the best comment I’ve gotten on this post. What a great role model you are, and what a great attitude! You are living proof that women are much more concerned about the whole package, not just the penis! The fact that you feel good about yourself, and relate to women with confidence is the key. It really can be done.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah you say all that but I just saw a video with a sexologist Anna David and model Olivia Munn talking about size.

    They both said “size matters”. They went on and on about it. They implied all women felt this way.

    The guy above:
    1. he may be fibbing
    2. the girl he was with may be fibbing
    3. did she stay with him?
    4. small boobs can be a turn on. small dicks cannot.

  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous

    To quote:

    Anna David: “any woman who says it doesnt matter is lying to save your ego”

    “its all about the girth”

    Olivia: “I kid you not, it was so small I didnt think it would work”

    This is mainstream television. Also their website has a LOT more hits than this one. There cannot be a teenage boy in the whole of USA who cannot for one moment doubt the importance of size.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      You can look around online and find plenty of sources like this video. You can look around in real life and find shallow women like these. Notice that these women didn’t even address whether size affects sexual satisfaction. They focused on guys with big penises being confident, and how they respond when they see a small penis. If you have a small penis you are not going to feel confident with women like this, who have seen many, many penises (and are still single).

  • Anonymous

    i think the phrase ‘its all about the girth’ is a reference to satisfaction surely. in any case these 2 have done about 50 clips for that show and anna david is now a well established relationship expert in the US.

    i have seen women talk like this time and time again, while pissed/sober and at work/socially.

    the consensus is always the same. could it be that society isnt quite the same from when you were on the scene? honestly, the clip is a totally mainstream indication of womens views in my experience.

    do you think it might be worth having some sort of survey? maybe with callers on your radio show? or a paper survey at a predominantly female work place? with questions with actual specific detail?
    because if you are right and I’m wrong such a survey should clearly indicate that?

    ps I dont think the girls in that clip have much trouble getting dates and wont have much trouble settling down.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      It is possible, indeed likely, that society has changed dramatically in the 25 years I’ve been off the market. What has not changed is women’s bodies. That means that the change is entirely cultural. That doesn’t mean it’s not real, but it does mean that it’s not physiological. It’s cultural. We live in a society and culture where bigger is better, and everyone wants more.

      To go back to the stats, if 80% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse, what satisfaction does girth provide? I can tell you that there is a feeling of being “stretched,” but it’s not necessarily pleasurable. It’s all about the clit, and the nerve endings at the vaginal opening are minimal by comparison. I hear from a lot of young women that want to be reassured that it’s normal not to come from sex – so when you get right down to it, the size of the penis just can’t be that important to physical satisfaction. Perhaps it’s important to psychological satisfaction, i.e. bigger is better.

      FWIW, Anna David is hardly a household name. I’ve never heard of her. She looks a bit old, though, to still be on the market. Well into her 30s I would say.

  • Anonymous

    as you may have guessed im a bloke so i cant really explain why women are so hard on the smaller guy- I can only guage from womens comments. Fullness and friction has often been quoted as important and i have heard some women say they cant feel anything at all with small guys- that cant be good for either partner. I have no idea what % of women think that. All I know is small is not cool, whatever the reasons.

    If you google Anna David she is everywhere- international writer for lots of mags, several shows and web sites. generally shes quite responsible and helpful, its just in that clip she really let the small guy ‘have it’

    if she is single i suspect its out of choice- she is slim, articulate, successful and attractive. You can see why men would be interested in her opinion.

    however her sidekick olivia munn is famous for hating small guys- i found 4 clips of her critising them. I feel I can dismiss her as she is so over the top she must be a size queen. thats a different matter from the average girl.

  • BrendaJune1975

    I think its probably both physical and mental with it comes to the effect on us. Having said that, sexual attraction is mostly mental so then the mental side of things becomes the major issue.

    In that respect I agree with the Susanna, but not on the ‘shallowness’ thing. We ALL, and I mean everyone of us, select our partners on things we cant control. Sense of humour, tallness, slimness, cheekbones, whatever. Its a big difference to be a friend to someone than be a lover. I just think a below average penis might put me off, despite my best efforts not to let it. I don’t think I’m shallow though- honest maybe?

    And even if I could turn a blind eye so to speak, I dont think it could be a long term relationship because I hope to have kids and I would be very worried about a child of mine beng small if I married a smaller guy. Does that sound selfish or shallow? I’m aware smaller guys go through real anguish over this issue- I would never want an innocent child to be faced with that predicament.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      You’re right that we can’t help who we are attracted to , which is what you’re describing here. So let’s say you fall hard for a guy and feel attracted to him in every way, before you get into his pants. Are you saying you would dump him if he turned out to have a small penis?

      If the answer is yes, you are honest AND shallow.

  • Snowdrop111

    You’re serious? You think ahead to “I don’t want to have a child with this man in case the child is small/has a small penis/gets made fun of?”

    I have never heard anything like that on Salon or Jezebel or among my friends no matter how feminist they are. The guys on this blog think they are getting passed up by hookup-culture participating girls because of characteristics like that…I have never heard a Jezzie type or Salon.com woman make quite such a calculating calculation. I think they fall in “love” and plunge right in too easily, but I have never heard a woman on a sex-positive-feminist site say something like “I couldn’t have a long-term relationship with a small guy or have his baby in case the baby inherits that trait.” Who’s the real man-haters…maybe there are different kinds of man-hating. Not wanting to have someone’s baby because of a physical characteristic like a big nose…wow… sorry I’m being mean I just hope the poster is joking. I think that’s a different kind of man-hating. Why couldn’t the guy with, say, a big nose, be a super sweet smart deserving guy who deserves a child and would bring it up with super skills and confidence like Steve Martin in Roxanne? Some people should watch Gattaca and see how emotionally messed up the super genetically perfect man was…

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Snowdrop, I agree completely with your horrified disbelief that a woman would rule out a man if he had a physical imperfection, in hopes of having the perfect baby. Wow. As if she could control that process. For one thing, the genes for penis size will also come from her father – so she shares the responsibility. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if my husband had told me, “You’re great, and if it weren’t for your chubby thighs I could really see making a life with you. But it’s really important to me to have a daughter who looks like a supermodel, and you don’t have the right body type.”

      Selfish, shallow, and more. What this woman deserves is to marry a guy with a huge dick and then have four daughters with her imperfections.

  • Brendajune1975

    Heavens you have boh totally misrepresented my coments. I would never reject people in the way you describe. I have always looked beyond looks and been attracted to all sorts. I had a 6 year relationship with a guy with 40% burns and a non usable hand. Not that I need to justify non shallowness to you. My point was that certain things are more impactful than others. A big nose and a small penis may both be undesirable but only one effects sex and only one majorly depresses the owner. Only one is Mocked on shows or in songs etc.

    I don’t desire perfect children at all. I just think it’s tough for people with disability or who might feel or be considered inadequate in life. I would prefer to give my kids the best possible start in life. I couldn’t care less about chubby thighs or a double chin or a pot belly. But I would care about maformed limbs or underdeveloped genitals. I know genes are complicated but I read somewhere the risk is much much higher if the father is small.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Um, you’re just digging a deeper hole. I don’t even know where to start.

      1. Are my small feet underdeveloped? A healthy, functioning penis cannot be said to be underdeveloped, regardless of its size. A hermaphrodite has an underdeveloped penis.

      2. Who says big noses are undesirable? I can think of many sexy men with large noses. If you’re right, and they are ugly, then surely the owner would be depressed. Of course, rhinoplasty is available to those terribly afflicted souls.

      3. Many, many things affect sex, but nothing affects it more than the brains of the participants. A person’s attitude can kill the buzz or rev things up, regardless of genital size.

      4. Are you unaware that big noses have been fodder for comedy and ridicule since time immemorial? Shakespeare knew it.

      5. Why would you not care about a double chin or pot belly? Would you marry a man whose children were likely to be obese?

      You speak of giving your children the best possible genetic start, so be sure to screen for the following in your potential mates:

      Any mental health issues, including depression, ADD, narcissism, shyness.
      Very high testosterone levels, which are likely to produce aggressive behavior.
      Low sperm count.
      Moles, which put a child at higher risk for melanoma.
      Early hair loss.
      Slow metabolism.
      Etc. etc.

      By the way, by the time you hit 30 your healthiest eggs are gone. The risk for birth defects rises rapidly after that.

      Good luck, I hope you get everything you want in a mate, and no genetic surprises.

      • Brendajune1975

        Many women would baulk at discovering a very small penis on a prospective partner. I would also be put off by an STD and a criminal record. I am not shallow. at all.

        An underdeveloped penis is one which is small. if you put certain chemicals into pregnant rats their infants have smaller phalli.

        I don’t care about nose size personally.

        All the other traits you mention wouldn’t bother me because there are medical or educational solutions for them or they simply aren’t a big deal for most people. most women wouldn’t rule out a guy with hair loss or asthma. That really would be shallow.

  • justin

    I found all the responses quite interesting, and was hopping to leave a comment of my own. I must admit I’m on the bigger side, but not huge or anything. I have been with fair share amount of women and I have noticed size matters to about 50% of them. I usually hear something along the lines of, “I don’t want too big or too small”. Which leads me to believe that if your in the 5 to 6 range your fine. I would also like to point out to some of you guys worried when you hear a girl mention about a previous hook-up or boyfriend being bigger than 8 inches, 9 times out of 10 she’s exagerating. It’s extremely rare for man to be 9 inches or bigger. Even the biggest porn stars are nomore than 9 inches. The lighting and camera angles generally make them look alot bigger than what they are. If I could find the link I will post it. Though after reading a survey lifestyles condoms did a few years back on penis size, i felt really good about myself. The survey done shown that 80% of men are between 5-7 inches, with 10% being below that and 10% being above that.

    So in conclusion, if your average you have nothing worry about. You are not alone, 80% to 90% of guys fall within the same category. Just remember, guys lie about their penis to girls and girls tend to exagerate and believe the guys lie.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Justin, thanks for this frank talk about your own experience. I agree that there’s a lot of exaggeration and lying that goes on – also women will put down a guy’s size to get revenge or control in a relationship. If a woman volunteers the information that you are small, or that her previous partner was bigger, dump her.

  • penisguy

    Wow, we can’t have a baby with a big nose or a small penis now could we? I really want to be angry over the perfect genes comments. I have a 12 month old nephew that looked perfect when born but 7 days later we learned that he had holes in his colon and was rushed in for emergency surgery and nearly died. Those are the kind of genetic problems that you should worry about, not nose or penis size. BTW my nephew is fine now thanks to some great doctors.
    My 1st girlfriend had a big nose but it did not bother me one bit. That was just a physical trait that was part of her looks. Why did large noses become undesirable? I met a young actress once who has a large nose but she’s cute as a button. Her name is Vanessa Lengies if you want to google her.

  • penisguy

    I forgot to add, I wonder if some “hostility” towards small men is due to insecurities some women obviously feel regarding their breast size. I really hate to think that women go through the same thing. I am against women getting boob jobs just to please a man. If your breasts aren’t huge but you have everything a man wants then you will not have problems finding a mate. I don’t require a Playboy centerfold. A normal height and weight proportional woman is fine. If I could date any actress/model/ or other celebrity based on looks I think I would choose Natalie Portman. She’s hardly busty but she looks like a real person and not a cosmetic surgery experiment.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      This is an interesting point. Women are notorious for being self-conscious about their bodies. In part, this is because we know that men are very visual in their attraction, and that we can’t really make up for a flat chest, for example, with “a great personality.”

      On the other hand, women who are relationship material will view a man through many different lenses. Sexual compatibility is one important factor. For some, that may mean that size is an issue, though it shouldn’t be from a physiological point of view. A woman who has it in her mind that she “deserves” a big penis – well let’s just hope she winds up with a big dick.

  • daneel

    this is a brilliant thread on this subject. So many angles on the problem.
    When I am at my most distressed, the only thing now that calms me is diving into this thread and trying to absorb ALL of the facts about penis size and sexuality, in particular my penis size and sexuality.

    I am suffering/experiencing PTSD and OCD right now, every minute of every day, awake or asleep. It is a result of childhood sexual trauma, current sexually based emotional trauma from the relationship I am in, possible sexual identity issues (I’m guessing and self-diagnosing on that last one :}).

    I’m with a woman, a beautiful, intelligent woman who was with a big guy. Tall, big, confident, attractive and had a child with him. He was an abuser. In every way, yet my lady has described him as huge and amazing sexually. She has told me way too much about their sex lives, and sex with quite a few other guys, positions, situations, feeling proud she could handle his size…christ, so much information, conflicting and painful, running around in my head. I could write for an hour about what I have been told and subjected to in this relationship.

    It feels like some impossible test that I have been given.

    How crap and pathetic will I feel then, if I give up on my lady, her little girl and leave, because of my inability to cope.

    She went through, yes, a lot of excitement, but she went through hell with the disgusting sexual abuse, and intense emotional abuse. And if I leave she will, and has told me, that she would feel like she is being punished for having gone with him, because of his size and height and narcissistic bullshit, and punished for suffering PTSD or stockholm syndrome or whatever.

    Anyway, the result?…… a LESSON FOR ALL WOMEN.

    It’s not just a dick ladies. It’s a part of us that defines us. By society’s rules.

    I know that women can’t understand how most of are affected. I envy the man who is not.

    That’s my story. Can anyone help me to be ok?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Daneel, it sounds like you are with a woman who is still reeling from her experiences of abuse, and she is making you feel terrible about yourself. She needs to stop talking about her ex. Period. It is completely unacceptable for anyone to offer sexual comparisons to a previous partner.

      I hear how difficult this is for you – I urge you to get some outside perspective on how out of whack this is. You describe experiencing emotional trauma and confusion about your sexual identity – you owe it to yourself to figure this stuff out, and you can’t do it alone. You also probably can’t do it with her.

      I am a big believer in therapy, and I think that a therapist CAN help you to be OK. I have found therapy helpful at various times. It’s a source of objective expertise – something you desperately need right now.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks Susan, I know that the way all of this has happened in this relationship is really wrong. I’m assuming I have some sexual identity issue because I am now obsessed with size. I don’t like men in that way, by the way, I just can’t get these thoughts of inadequacy out of my head.
        My partner talked AGAIN the other day about a sexual encounter she had with some guy in an exciting situation. She can’t stop and thinks that because she has a flippant attitude to sex, that I shouldn’t be bothered by her talking about it.

        It’s all so screwed up Susan. I want to leave, but I want to stay, if you know what I mean.

        I’m in so much pain. Constant pain. I’ve been to therapy (as much as I could afford) and it made no difference.

  • Brendajune1975

    I made a detailed rebuttal to these recent posts yesterday. I saw it appear on the blog but I now notice its vanished. Is it awaiting moderation?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Sorry, I was away for three days. I don’t know what happened there – I don’t see the comment. If you want to try resubmitting, I’ll keep an eye out.

  • Snowdrop111

    In that movie Gattaca, there is a piano player with six fingers on each hand. In concert, he plays a piece that can only be played with six fingers on each hand. I know it’s fiction…but the movie makes some good points.

  • daneel

    Snowdrop. That made me laugh. So out of context it cracked me up.

    What does a six-fingered pianist have to do with this thread?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      I think Snowdrop is saying that someone who was perceived as “defective” wound up playing beautiful music, in part because of his anomaly. No reason that couldn’t apply to sex.

  • leonard

    I’ve read through every single comment and my emotions have ran with it like a wave. I am a highly analytical and numerical kind of guy. Was a typical unsocial geek type with the opposite sex till about 17-18. Lost my V at about 19.5.

    I have developed what one would describe as an obsession with my penis size and I think it’s known as small penis syndrome. I am 5’8, good looking and athletic but do have insecurity issues that affect my confidence. What is the one thing that can affect a man’s confidence? Yep you guessed it, his penis. I don’t care what anyone says, all other things being equal, if you are well-endowed then you will ooze security and confidence and it will create a cycle of endless possibilities with the ladies and should transpire into everyday life.

    Don’t get me wrong, Susan, I love your topic and comments on this blog but size matters. You are looking at a guy who gets told he is attractive and should be out there playing the field but refuses to do so due to shame at his penis size. It’s turned into a serious issue which has caused depression and anxiety which is something I already am pre-disposed to and have suffered from so it’s a fuel to the fire.

    There are a squillion sites talking about average penis size and all of them are all over the place. I feel for those men out there who are under 3 inches (micropenis) and wonder why God (if he exists) could be so cruel. They say all men are equal well the one thing that is always a visual display of masculinity in men is not equal. If there was a default penis size for an adult male of 7.5 inches length and 6 inches girth +/- 0.25 inches then life would be just fine for mankind.

    Hell even if you look at the range of height for the typical male it ranges from 160cm to 215cm whereby I’d say 99% of men fit into. Well if you extrapolate that down to penis size then the range would be 6-8 inches or 35%. Well if 99% of men fell into the range of 6-8 for penis size as they do for height then even that would be fine. If I was “The Creator” I’d have had some %^&*%^ commonsense!

    And please, no woman should say “well in that case God should’ve made sure women were between a C-DD cup” because I don’t care how picky you are as a man, if you are heterosexual and you see a beautiful sexy woman laying in bed with flat A-cup breasts you WILL be having sex with her 100%.

    I am 27 yrs old but have consigned to the fact I don’t want to get married and have children for fear of passing my size (or lack of) to them. I am a scorpio with a raging sex drive who knows exactly how to please a woman with my hands and tongue and knows all her hot spots but refuse encounters with my lack of confidence/self-esteem purely and simply because of my size.

    So, what is my size you ask?

    I am 5.75″ long and a measly 4.25″ thick. Even then I wonder how one is to measure the pens. Is the tape measure meant to wrap around the girth tightly or just enough to complete a full circle? Do you press the ruler/tape into the pubic bone or just lightly to where the base meets the skin?

    With or without that measuring criteria I am 5.5-5.75″ long and 4.25 thick give or take

    They say “average” is 5-6″ long and 4.5-5″ thick. Other studies have put “median” or middle size at 5.65″ long and 4.85″ thick.

    Gee it feels great to only be in the 50th percentile of penis length and in the 20th percentile of girth. I mean seriously 4.25 inches thick is about 11cm it is nothing.

    And whilst an above average 5.5 inch girth is “ONLY” 3cm difference well in the context of circumference it’s a massive difference.

    Heck I’d even be happy, no make that OVER THE MOON if I was even an inch longer at 6.5-6.75″ but an 1.25 inches thicker at 5.5″. It would change my whole life but of course I’m talking if’s, could’s and but’s and there’s nothing I can do about but wallow in my sorrow at getting the short and thin straw, literally.

    Don’t give me any nonsense of how 4.25″ girth is in the average range of 4-5 inches and that women can get off on 2 fingers. The fact is, women want to be fill up and good ol’ pencil **** isn’t going to do much. I know this because everytime i’ve had sex with a girl (only 4 partners in my life – lame I know) I couldn’t feel a thing, I couldn’t feel and clenching or friction or tightness against their vaginal walls.

    This would have to be one of the most detailed accounts you could find of how life is like with a short, thin penis. If you managed to read this all then kudos.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Leonard, seriously, you are letting something ruin your life that should not be an issue. First of all, describing your penis as short is RIDICULOUS! Do you know how many guys on this thread would be thrilled to have 5.75 inches? Secondly, I had to go get a tape measure and look at 4.25 inches, which I did. Big deal. Yes, I’d say that’s on the thinner side of what I’ve seen, but in my experience, it’s not a dealbreaker, or even worth much consideration! You are foregoing sex because of your own insecurities, but do you have any idea how many women would love to meet a good-looking guy to love, and would be thrilled with your penis? How do guys get soooooooooo derailed on this issue?

      It’s interesting that you mention height. At 5’8″ your penis will look relatively larger than the same penis on a guy who is 6’2″. Your penis sounds like a good size for a man your height. Please check my comment below for more info.

      As for what women want, I would agree that we like to feel filled up. The question is, what does it take to accomplish that? The walls of the vagina are very muscular and automatically adapt to whatever is inside it. We can hold a tampon firmly in place for hours, and we can stretch to give birth. Fingers do feel good, and so do penises. Have you ever noticed how many vibrators are much smaller than the typical penis?

      It makes no sense that you couldn’t feel anything during sex – I would imagine this has to do with your own anxiety. NO vagina is larger than a penis 4.25 inches wide. And women don’t stretch out permanently from sex, though it can happen from repeated childbirth. You should feel a tightness, a snug feeling, in any vagina you enter. Clenching is different – a woman who does Kegels might clench in a way that you can feel, and if she comes during intercourse (unlikely without manual stimulation to the clit) then you’ll feel muscles contract. Otherwise, you wouldn’t experience clenching at all.

      You need to go out and f*ck ten women. Just get it over with. You are your own worst enemy, and you are letting this dictate your life. You’re miserable, when I swear there is no reason in the world that you can’t drive a woman crazy in bed. This is an insane waste.

      • brian

        Well if that is all true then why have I heard many a women say they couldnt feel anything with ‘such and such a guy’. They can with most guys, just not the odd small one.

        Vibrating dildos-for the clit are thin BUT non vibrating ones. for penetration, are really thick- just go into any sex store. Read the websites on usage. Thick dildos are the ones that sell. That must be true cos they wouldnt waste profits on stuff no one buys!! Thats right isnt it!!

        I just dont know what to beleive! why would all those women lie?? If 4.25 is on the thinner side…..I just dont know!

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          I don’t know why women say that. It’s total BS. As I say below, most of the nerve endings are in the clit, some are at the vaginal opening, which is stimulated by touch to the surface as much as penetration. That’s the science. Women who say otherwise are not being honest, I don’t know what else to tell you. All I can think is that some women are totally hung up on the cultural Bigger is Better aspect. But not feeling anything? That’s her problem, not his, regardless of penis size. My advice would be to find a woman who isn’t focused on penis size – a real red flag if ever there was one. How about finding a woman who hasn’t seen dozens of penises!

          I can’t explain the sale of huge dildos. I don’t crave one at all! Furthermore, I have heard lots of men say they resent the introduction of dildos into sex play, as they are often larger than the guy himself. It’s demeaning. Like, gee I’m not big enough, so let’s pull out this plastic toy….

          I’ll tell you this: I hear from a lot of young women, and they are into vibrators that stimulate the clit, not dildos. Women do like the feeling of having a penis inside them, it’s true, but honestly, we can sense a penis in there, but the friction is all for you men! We really can’t feel it except at the opening.

          The best sex is when two people are really into each other, and have established a foundation of intimacy. Once you’ve got that, sex can happen a bunch of different ways. I maintain my belief that penis size just isn’t that important, though I acknowledge that some women feel differently. However, it’s crucial to differentiate the questions of what women want physically vs. culturally.

        • leonard

          I know you’re going to say not to watch porn but I’m talking in terms of amateur videos uploaded on “xxx youtube” sites and whatnot and alot of them are anonymous and don’t show many full faces due to being discreet. Well, in those videos, along with the professional ones, the dildos women are penetrating themselves with are EASILY 5.5″ in girth and the women handle it with relative ease. If she then penetrates herself with a dildo in the shape of my 5.5 x 4.25 I’m sure the feeling would be less adequate.

          I know you are doing what you believe in strongly and your opinions are very real and I appreciate your views. But I just feel that you represent a minority of what is REALLY thought by women or maybe you are trying to be too nice to appease all the men. Hey I’m no model but I aint ugly and if you saw my pics or me in person you’d classify me as fairly attractive (without sounding overly stuck up and arrogant). But the reason why I don’t go to clubs and go out hooking up with 10 women to get over with is because this size issue has ruined my self esteem and I come across as wussy and undesirable. Regardless of whether I’m fit and “Hot”.

          Also Susan, finding a woman who hasn’t seen dozens of penises is nigh on impossible. How is one to know? How would I know if a decent girl I like wasn’t a sl*t in her college party days?

          That NBC statistic on sexual partners is GROSSLY incorrect. The average in most western countries would be around about 8 for guys and 8-10 for girls and if the girl was one from my generation well by age 30 she’d have on average (whether mean or median average) 10-15 partners. The median for guys would be less if you exclude those paying for sex via hookers and lying to inflate numbers. You’ll find a small # of guys sleeping with a large # of girls (probably due to confidence about size giving them some swagger).


        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          OK, I don’t want to argue – I don’t have anything personally invested in this issue. Let me just make a few points.

          1. Men who film themselves having sex and upload the footage are self-selected, and are obviously proud of their package. They are not average in size for the most part.

          2. Women can handle penises or objects of almost any width with ease. The vagina stretches easily to accomodate. However, the vagina is very elastic. When it’s empty, the vaginal canal is not a round, hollow passage – it’s prolapsed flat. It only changes shape when something enters it, and will snugly hug a penis of any size. For a woman, there isn’t much difference in the feeling up inside there – so adequacy is not a factor. Btw, as I mentioned in the post, most vaginas are 4 inches long. A long penis ramming against the cervix is quite painful.
          3. I do only offer one opinion. Though I’ve researched the issue, I’m not a science professional. I’m just trying to offer an honest appraisal of the issue, something that I feel is very hard to come by in the media. FWIW, all this focus on size has really come about in the last 25 years or so. When I was in my 20s we never focused on this.
          4. The young women I hear discuss size are coming at it from a cultural standpoint. They’re not talking about what feels good, just about seeing a guy whip out a huge dick. That is still a powerful cultural force, so perhaps it doesn’t matter what the reason is. But I think it’s important that men understand they can please a woman even with a small penis. However, to do that, you have to be willing to risk using it!
          5. Many women aren’t sluts in college. This blog has hundreds of posts – you should check some of them out re meeting new people. I recently wrote one that focuses on meeting people in places other than bars and clubs. You need to go to wholesome places to meet wholesome women:


          Good luck.

    • Justin

      I will be honest with you Leonard, because it seems like thats what your looking for most. Size does matter to some girls, and as a guy on the above average/big scale, even I had doubts in my size growing up. You hear girls say 9, even 10 inches is what their used to. Yet, when I asked a few to grab a ruler and take a look at how big that really is. They all responded with something along the lines of “God damn, I would never put anything even close to that big in me”. Then after seeing how rare it is for a guy to have anything bigger than 8 inches, I felt on top of the world at 7 and a half inches.

      As far as your concerns go, they are very legit. Unless your guy, you really can’t understand how important size is to us. I too would like to be just a little bigger, even though I rank highly size wise on girls size preference surveys. The truth is, most girls do like their guys to be above average. Though if you gave most girls a choice of below average or huge, I would bet alot of money on below average to win from what I read. You would be shocked to know how the other half live. Guys who have the huge penises. They have it just as hard as guys with small penises. Alot of them seek other men for sexaul satisfaction, cause the majority of girls run for the hills when they see what he’s packing.

      If I had to give you some advice, stay away from sluts. Seek out a good girl whose only been with a few partners and doesn’t give a shit about penis size. You would be surprised to know I was turned down twice by two petite women, because they said like smaller sized guys and wouldn’t even give me a shot because I was too big for them. So while their are some girls that like a big penis, their are still some that feel more comfortable with less size. Trust me buddy, give it a shot. Now from experience and from what I read. Girls with a wide ass and wide hips, generally are deeper. So maybe try going after women with a slim frame, you might those type of girls have a tighter fit for you.

      This is for all guys concerned about their size and ability to please a woman. After lots of practice and trial and error. I can honetly say size don’t matter too much in the bedroom. Though I will say a decent amount of women get turned on by bigger size penis, their eyes tend to get wider when you first pull it out. Though after that first night of sex or first couple times , that goes away. Now down to the actual sex. As Susan pointed out earlier in the thread, fingers can get the job done just as well as penis. Sometimes even better, why you ask? Cause they can target the g-spot alot better than a penis because of the angle. Now here is what I do in the bedroom to get a girl off. You need to remember to angle you penis at an upward angle, and to push against the g-spot. Women go crazy when you do this, cause it builds the pressure needed to give her an orgasm. It’s the build up if you will. Now to turn it up a notch, switch it up. Start off by going slowly in out, then speed it up, then finish with the g-spot, and repeat. You can have a 4 inch penis or 8 inch penis, and you will probably achieve the same results.

  • leonard

    Actually I reckon 99.9% of men fall into the range of 160cm to 215cm in height or 5’3 to 7’1 in the old scale not 99%

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      P.S. If you’re watching porn, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Guys watch it to get off, and they only wind up freaking out at all the big dicks.

      • Athlone McGinnis

        Oh don’t worry too much about that issue Susan. As a seasoned viewer(like I said, I don’t get out much) I have no such problems. This might be because I don’t have any size issues personally, though I suspect that anyone who uses some common sense while looking should be able to put insecurities aside.

        If you do have size issues, though, porn can actually help you out-all you have to do is go outside of the mainstream Vivid/Jenna Jameson type stuff(which is easy for me because I usually don’t like it). Watch some Japanese Adult Video(JAV) material. You’ll feel MUCH more confident once you see what those guys are packing(hint: in many cases significantly less than you leonard, and I’m not trying to make a racist joke either-I’m dead serious). Throw in some plain amateur non-professional type material(which consists of average guys not selected for size like pros) and you ought to be ok.

        Of course, Susan’s plan to just go out and get some women is probably your best option. My strategy up there is only for the scenario in which you don’t attract one instantl.

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    I have come across some new information that you may find interesting and useful. The first is an article, For Men, It Really IS the Size That Counts:


    What I found most interesting was the finding that men who feel insecure about their size, when asked to say what average is, quote the size that is actually in the 95th percentile.

    Also, some interesting facts about the vagina:

    The clitoris has 8,000 densely packed nerve endings – about the same number as a penis, but in a much smaller package, obvs.
    The clitoris extends inward into the body a few centimeters from the small “bean” that is visible.
    The internal walls of the vagina have almost NO nerve endings.
    The vaginal opening contains 90% of the vagina’s nerve endings, but a small number compared to the clit.

    So, here’s what I conclude (again) re female sexual satisfaction:

    1. It’s all about the clit.
    3. Girth may play a role in stretching out the vaginal opening more, thereby potentially increasing nerve sensation.

  • Problem Solved

    I’m about to say something that might be TMI, just like Leonard….

  • leonard

    Hi Susan,

    You referenced that article and the 3rd point basically justified what I’m saying. Girth is important (provided you are 6 inches long). A girth of 4.25 inches/11cm is not good enough. I am a 27 yr old scorpio who could easily have had 15+ partners but resort to forced celibacy and masturbation over porn due to this size.

    Heck if I was an 8 x 6 I’d be a porn star. I love pleasing a woman but just have no “game” to actually get a woman in bed. I’d spend hours and hours just making love, as I have with my past girlfriends.

    Speaking of past girlfriends I have a story about each of them regarding my size. Note, this has nothing to do with why im so down on my size. I’m down on my size because it is smaller than average.

    Girl 1 – (no sex) I was 18 and was dating a 16 yr old, my first g/f. We messed around with some PG-13 on top of the clothes stuff, suckling breasts, hand jobs. You know what she said when she first saw my penis… “is that it?” You know what she said to a girlfriend of mine 3 years later? “I wouldn’t expect too much from him if you know what I mean”. You know what she said to my best friend? “His **** is so thin it’s like I’d be ****ing a branch.”
    When we broke up and fought she said to me, “I wouldn’t marry you anyway. I wouldn’t marry a needle **** man.”

    Girl 2 – sex regularly. She would have major clitoral orgasms and from oral. She said to me that when I make love to her she can’t feel anything inside, and would never even moan it was almost like it was going through the motions

    Girl 3 – said to me we should experiment with different people, this is a long term relationship telling me this! Her close friend spilt the beans on the stuff she told her that we’d do between the sheets. She’d say how I was great at oral and would last for hours in bed. But she also said that my ex felt I was “too small for her vagina”.

    My other girlfriend would love it when I’d put 3 fingers in her she hardly got wet but she really got off on that. When we had sex? Nothing, no feeling at all.

    What am I supposed to believe? That all my grilfriends were loose or hoes? Or that it’s me that’s the problem?

    Regards. Len.

    • justin

      I’m sorry to hear how bad these girls have treated you. I too hear about size alot from girls, most telling me how big past BF’s are. I’m not going to lie, I like hearing I’m the biggest or one of the biggest they ever had. Though truth be told, my size has almost nothing to do with my performance in the bedroom. Almost every girl I got off, was me hitting the g-spot and pressing on it with my dick inside them. It doesn’t take much size at all to do either. I think alot of women in their 20’s equate greater size to more pleasure, which is false. I truly believe the only thing a bigger penis can do for a women, is to excite them more visually before the act itself. Some have stupidly claimed my size is what made them orgams so much, but I know it wasn’t.

      I must admit Leonard, I dont envy you at all. Yes, if I was in your position my confidence would be missing in my game. Which is probably the most attractive thing a guy could have to a woman. Though if I were in your place, I would look for a nice good girl whose maybe a virgin. At least that way, she won’t be so judgemental towards you. I wish you the very best, and I can’t imagine what you go through on a daily basis.

  • leonard

    Also, here’s my theory on female genitalia and hot spots. Based on several different research studies.

    I believe that the clitoris isn’t just the “pea” one can see on the outside. Some can be the size of a pea, some can be as big as an unshelled peanut. I believe it extends to the inside of the vagina and that (as you mentioned) those closer to the vaginal opening are easier to orgasm from intercourse.

    I also believe the clit extends in a horseshoe shape around the vulva and vaginal opening. As this paper mentioned and you too. I think women all have a g-spot in the form of the urethral sponge and it’s on the front wall where the pubic bone is, about 2 inches in and up. I think the ejaculation and orgasm is from stimulating the inner part of the clitoris or the one which extends into the vagina.

  • [email protected]

    Dear Leonard,
    I’m so sorry to read of what you have gone through. Thats really poor and crude of those girls and indicative how badly both sexes behave towards each other.
    Its difficult to gauge how old you are but am I right in assuming you are in your early 20’s, perhaps in college?
    From anecdotal evidence or things I have witnessed, I think a lot of this humilation takes place in this age group. It must be horrific for the victims- really awful.
    I went to college in the late 80’s and size was talked about a bit but more by men than women. I work as a counsellor now on a campus and its astonishing how often this is talked about now but almost exclusivley by women- a real cultural shift in the past 20 years.
    For that reason I would tell people to take heed of Susans advice and tell ‘smaller’ guys to avoid that ‘type’ of woman. So I think delaying sex till after college is the safest bet. It avoids the college grapevine and hopefully a maturer girl will be less judgmental. I know thats not ideal but its a delay of only 3 years, there is always your trusty right hand and its disease free! Joking aside we have had some guys plunged into awful depressions over this issue. We had to close our confidential helpline because anxiety on the issue jammed the lines. Its become something of a western pandemic.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      David, thanks so much for leaving this comment. Honestly, it’s like a voice of reason in the wilderness. I fend off so many comments from salesmen and size queens. I appreciate hearing from a mental health professional.

      I especially appreciate hearing how this really is cultural. If a man with a small penis can sexually please a woman it’s a matter of sexual compatibility, which is something we all seek and test with a potential partner. I fully understand the physiological piece – there are no barriers to women’s sexual satisfaction based on penis size. It’s the cultural piece that’s clearly wreaking havoc with young men, though. I don’t know what the answer is – it seems to feed on itself in a very destructive way. Some of the clips I’ve seen of women discussing this in the media are horrendous – overtly cruel. What kind of a person is so shallow and callous?

      It really is about getting out and interacting, pursuing one’s interests and meeting new people, in my view. Let relationships form and happen and be messy in all the usual ways before jumping into bed. Young men today, regardless of size, seem paralyzed with performance anxiety, IF they are lucky enough to even have sex. It seems that in college a minority of males get the majority of sex. But that’s another post – one I’ve written several times over!

  • Jess

    Dear Susan/David/Leonard
    Right, big sigh here. Im going to post this. I dont know if Susan is going to censor this or let it stand. Susan, if you do delete it, I hope you can take on board just a litttle of an alternative view.
    Any bit of gossip, from whoever is going to have a ‘target’. A girl with bad hair, a girl with a big arse, a girl who is up herself, a boy who cant dance, the nerd, the geek, the guy with the small weiner etc. Its human nature. Can any of us really say that in their life they have never made any unkind comment about another. Not even as a child? Or drunk? Or because you were letting off steam?
    The girls mentioned previously are not shallow, or cruel or horrible or bad people. They are average Joes endulging in bog standard gossip. I remember a college story of a girl who had diahhorea mid coitus on a one night stand. Everyone knew that story I can assure you and who she was. Mortifying… but thats life.
    Susan, you seem to have a lot of guilt about rejecting that handsome guy with the small unit years back. Please dont beat yourself up about it. If, when undressing you had revealed a 3rd nipple for example, perhaps it would have been him rejecting you and not the other way around. Sexual atttraction is just one of those things. Sometimes a ‘defect is a deal breaker’, sometimes it aint.

    But there is nothing wrong in being honest. A white lie is a lie all the same.

    The othe issue is the physical aspect. I sent your link to a few friends of mine and they all made the same point about the thickness argument. You would have to admit there is precious little evidence on this blog of female posters saying it doesnt matter. The only one who came close to agreeing with you was a girl called Rebeka and even she said she couldnt feel much with a thin one.

    Do you see what I’m driving at? If a girl doesnt mind, she doesnt mind. If a girl does, she does. Insulting either one of them just doesnt make any sense.

    Feel free to edit this before submitting if thats your preference. Jess.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Jess, I’m happy to let your comment stand. It’s honest and thoughtful. It’s OK to say what you prefer. To be honest, I’ve written hundreds of posts – and my readers know that I welcome constructive criticism. This post is unique, and I do feel protective of my readership. I don’t mind people speaking honestly about what they prefer, but I don’t want any comments that are mocking or dismissive. This is a very sensitive issue for many men. It causes depression, and there’s even been one suicide threat on this thread. I feel responsible for keeping a respectful tone.

  • Jess

    Hi, Thanks for allowing it to stand. I do understand your desire to be supportive and the respectful tone is something we would all do well to aspire to.

    Sometimes when people express a preference or aversion to something, those who dont posess the perceived desirable trait get pretty angry and then the debate can descend into a flame war.

    As long as every side is heard and respected then I think thats a cool thing. J

  • anon

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      That video has had 11,000 views. This one has had 3,047,000:

      They are not incompatible, but the second is more informative, IMO.

  • Anonymous

    does anyone know why I can’t see the whole thread any omre, and only the last half dozen posts?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      With over 300 comments, the thread is very long. You should be able to click on “Older Comments” at the bottom and it will take you back to the beginning eventually!

  • anon
  • anon

    mmm the last 4 were from me. I did wonder how long they would last.

    so on on serious note, what would you say to the clips? all very different, all pretty emphatic

    are they representative?, fair?, unfair?, hostile?, humane?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Are you aware that one of those clips was sponsored by a penis extender site? I didn’t bother to view the other three. This is not a repository for humor about small penises, and I don’t know why you think this contributes anything to the discussion. If you want to discuss the topic at hand, fine, otherwise you’re just a troll and I’ll delete you.

  • anon

    No I wasnt aware of that- I thought I had screened for that. Can I ask which one? Surely not the Lily allen one?

    Can I urge you to at least watch the other 3. It conveys subtleties I cant really put into words. Thats why i sent the links

  • Brodoman

    ABC News
    Would you wish to argue with 2 scientists?

    7. Does Size Matter?
    America is a country obsessed with size. From big buildings to big cars to big muscles, Hollywood has shown us that all American males want to measure up — and that includes measuring up “south of the border,” so to speak.

    “Men have been assured that size doesn’t matter, women have been told that they only have feeling in the first two inches of their vagina,” said Joy Davidson, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist.

    But according to Davidson, size DOES matter. “We’ve all been sold a bill of goods about sex and now it’s time to tell the truth,” she said.

    According to Davidson, the notion that size doesn’t matter ignores the anatomical facts. “The reason size matters is very simply that women do have nerve endings deep inside the vagina,” she said.

    Evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher agrees, and adds length isn’t the only measure that matters.

    “When women tell you that size doesn’t matter, they’re either lying to you or they’re lying to themselves. Or they haven’t had very much experience. It’s one of those three. Because size does matter,” Fisher said.

    And a woman we spoke with agreed. “Length is a biggie but you gotta have the girth with it, it’s the combo really. Got to have it all,” she said.

    And that’s why there’s a billion-dollar penile-enlargement industry, selling pills, potions and other products that all say they can make a man larger. But experts say there’s no evidence any of these products work.

    So it seems men — and the women they love — must live with what nature provided them.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Interesting. I have read on mainstream medical sites that there are literally no nerve endings deep in the vagina. FWIW, as a woman who happens to own one, I can confirm this. Second, I have enormous respect for Helen Fisher. Could you please provide the link so that I can check out her remarks?

  • brodoman

    I got the quotes from a pdf file of her book

    “The Sex Contract”

    But excerpts can be had from a TV interview from 10 years ago and 2 other books touch on the issue:

    anotomy of love
    the 1st Sex

    Its true there are more nerves near the entrance and compartively less deep in.
    However its also true there are more nerves on your palms than on your shoulder.
    this doenst mean your shoulder has no sensation.
    If you were to experiment with a wide dildo (not vibrator) you would certainly feel a great deal deep in.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      The only thing a woman can feel deep in is her cervix getting rammed, and it’s exceedingly painful. There is some thought that what scientists thought was the g-spot, is really just an area, that bumps up against an area that is similar to the male prostate. The vaginal orgasm is a myth. No woman can come from deep penetration. Orgasm CAN occur from wide penetration IF the clitoris is closer than 1 and 1/8 inches from the vaginal opening. In other words, the friction at the vagina will pull down on the clitoral hood, but only if it’s close enough. It’s thought that fewer than 20% of women are close enough for that to occur. That’s why 80% of women don’t come via intercourse. Direct clitoral stimulation is needed.

      Honestly, I keep repeating all of this information throughout this thread. It may be time to close the comments, lest it become an endless loop of the same info with different readers. If you go back and read through the comments, you’ll find many links and much data.

  • anon

    Another good sexologst is Laura Berman:

    “Laura Berman said that for the most part, women’s vaginas go back to their original size after they give birth. If you have cutting or injuries during your pregnancy, then your vagina can potentially become a different size. The main factor in making your vagina big or small is muscles – so kegel exercises are of course a great idea.

    Dr Oz took out the purple gloves to examine a vagina. The back of the vaginal wall is thin and flexible, compared to the uterus walls, which are thick. The uterus can expand a lot, and so can your vaginal wall, but they collapse back afterwards. Laura Berman said to try transverse abdominal exercises, which are core exercises such as yoga, pilates, and golf, in addition to kegel exercises.

    Another example is that the vagina is only 3-4 inches, but it can expand to accommodate a penis up to 9 inches.”

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      The vagina is elastic, which is why it can securely hold a tiny tampon, or grip a large penis. Width is obviously not a problem, but women regularly complain that a penis longer than 7 inches is painful if the man pushes in all the way.

  • Lord

    That cant be right. My women loves it deep, and stimulating the clitoris somewhat too much for her (cant stand it if it long enough). I even got her off just by deep touching her….

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