I do think that the sexual spark is the key ingredient when deciding whether to take the relationship to a new place. (Hence, the “Do you want to see his penis?”) If you're not feeling it, then it becomes FWB at best, a pity f**k at worst. I remember a post-sex moment with a dear friend – he started telling me about his father's funeral, kissing his father at the wake. If we'd never had sex, that conversation would have been something I would have handled really well, like a true friend. Because we were naked, I felt over-exposed, and in over my head. It ruined our friendship. I just couldn't take the vulnerability plus sex. I behaved very badly after that – used that horrible technique of driving him away with my bitchiness. It's one of the things I remember and regret many years later.

Oooohhhhhkkkaaaaayyy, Sad Mail. I think I liked you better when you were Psycho Male. I buy it that basically guys want to get into everyone's pants. That's a given. But there's something sad and tawdry about a married person keeping a high school or college friend in reserve for decades, only to turn to them for a pathetic emotional affair at some point. It's just so predictable, so 25th reunion.

Also, friendship dynamics with the opposite sex are completely different once you're married. This post assumes that all parties are single and available to go with the flow. If you're married, and you're having an emotional affair, you need to tend to your relationship, obviously. Emotional affairs are dangerous territory. And by the way — the newest thing? Your avatar having an affair with another avatar in Second Life, or some other virtual world. I know of one marriage that ended when a wife caught her husband's avatar cheating.

Yeah I was going to comment on the age grade questions here, but I can't help from snickering a lot too.

“Emotional affairs are dangerous territory. And by the way — the newest thing? Your avatar having an affair with another avatar in Second Life, or some other virtual world. I know of one marriage that ended when a wife caught her husband's avatar cheating.”

OK Why? And how do you explain that to Gramps & Granny? Here's how that conversation went with 'Janey': 'Yes, I caught your precious little Phillip 'The Grand Pizer Wiz' canoodling with that little furry slut in 2nd life!' 'Again!' 'Why yes, they'll All sort of cartoons'. 'Umm, no, fluids were not exchanged'. 'No of course not, she lives in NZ, it's not like she can jump a cab & visit. No, they've never met!' 'What happened then?' 'Well she was splayed out on yes, our dream couch in this lovely fantastically huge bedroom, her tail between her legs wearing nothing but a come hither look, and then…' 'Why are you laughing?' 'No, this is a no fault divorce state & yes the court was sympathetic'. 'No I'm Not Crackers!'

Yeah. Like that. But on the larger topic. I've got to say for once you people have little imagination. Truly. I'm long happily married (again, once the 3 least common descriptors on the WWW), and I find myself doing most of the things mentioned in 1-2 regularly. And sometimes with 'Church ladies', well twice your age actually. And we Both enjoy the experience. (And no, at those ages, no one wants to see anything. Think beef jerky here people. No, really!) You know you're a sterling success when you can get some 80+ YO matron to tell you some of the dirtiest filthiest jokes she knows, tittering all the way. Or when you tell her she double dated with Grant & Sherman when they came through. Quality entertainment people!

So yeah. And I'm with DBetty here. For most of the time, this is the strict MO from most women, even if they're suspecting: “Whatever you do, don’t pretend it isn’t happening [But they DO!] and hope that it will fizzle.” Yeah. Number one answer here.

And so yes, “Also, friendship dynamics with the opposite sex are completely different once you're married”. It's just a bit more challenging & rewarding to flirt successfully. Even when Mrs. Crabapple last saw 'action' during the Korean conflict. It livens the old birds up. Whenever anyone asks a gaggle of the older crew with me 'what are you talking about?', I say instantly, 'Sex, misery & memory'. It always gets a good laugh & that about covers it.

Me? If I'm at a party even with the wife, I make a beeline for the most interesting people. Many times it's the 'other half' of a lesbian couple, and the wife gets a good chuckle out of that. 'You've hit another same sex couple, right?' So yeah. No shame in my game. It's all entertainment! Now that's the way to party til you drop people. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ

renu, it sounds like you have great friendships with guys. I'm always happy to have people prove me wrong!

Oh yeah, he loves you. No question. Wow, what a story. The boardwalk at midnight gave me goosebumps. The question is, WHY IS HE BEING SUCH AN IDIOT? The perfect girl for him is right under his nose!

I'm glad you told him how you feel, even if you were drunk Obviously, you caught him by surprise, and he needs time to think. The fact that he is in a relationship means that he has an obligation – I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted him to go for it that night if it meant cheating.

Just sit tight, and give this some time. The connection you two have has lasted through a lot. Don't bring it up again. You guys may be pretending it never happened, but both of you know that it did. And I would definitely refrain from flirting, etc. The ball is definitely in his court.

This is SO intense. I wish you all the best.

Oh man! I want to go find him here in Boston and give him a kick in the butt! I hate, hate, hate it when the gf is “perfect.” I can see that you are very frustrated. Obvs, if he isn't talking to her about you and vice versa, he knows there's an emotional component that she wouldn't like. And now, of course, he knows you don't want to hear about her either.

It does sound, though, like he has you in the friend zone in a lot of ways. I have NO IDEA what to predict here. Keep me posted! Fingers crossed.

That is truly the mark of a true friend. Just so you don't feel too badly, I want you to know that I keep a mental list of people I hope will get hit by a bus. No luck yet.

So, As a male who stumbled upon this site, and wandered for some time, I thought I'd go ahead and give you more insight into the male world which has evolved as a result of this generation.

While this is all anecdotal, and I realize as a result of my own personal trends, it's liable to be a result of something about my own personality which leads me to often the same situations, I find it important to note that I'm aware that it's liable to be the case. However, I do believe that it does come quite contrary to what you may personally maintain, and perhaps is either a dated mentality, or a new, perhaps unusual mentality.

I have found over the years, that maintaining, and keeping female platonic relationships not only a damning expertise of mine, but to be the single-most frustrating portion of my personal love life, as well as the single best way to create a void within a person, emotionally. I do believe, that men are not only capable, but find it essential to cultivate platonic relationships with women.

My entire life, I have been oft-plagued by being a friend to anyone, but I noticed quickly that I took to being more understanding toward women than I ever did to men. (Before you even think it, I'm not gay.) This interest isn't merely sexual, although I could have potentially derived some sexual hopes one day, as a result of these friendships. I did find one common thread that brought me back to always seeking female friends: Emotional awareness.

As a male who is not only brutally aware of his emotions, but doesn't repress them (as we are promptly trained to do so.) actively, I found immediately that speaking with women was just more to my tastes, as women better understood me than most men did.

However, this yielded to the most difficult experience of my life, as well as the most fruitful, and painful relationship with any person I'd ever experienced in my life. A girl I met online during the days of Instant messaging being ever so popular, who lived in the same city (And attended the same schools as I) became incredibly close friends. To a point, we spoke daily, often for hours. I never have known a person as well as she, nor do I believe I ever will. (Lest I do actually get married.) She spoke to me of all the men she'd date, everything between them, ranging from attitudes, to the sex, to the things she loved about them. Granted, I fell for her long before, yet believed that I was deeply entrenched into the friend zone, and I aptly never was able to act upon it until nearly a decade later.

After having dating one of my closest friends several years before, and having more or less fallen from touch, we met at a non-profit event I organized, and by the end of the evening, cuddled and kissed for the first time. We became closer as a result, as we're speaking regularly again, yet it created an oddity in our relationship.

But, this situation is all to show that while being with her would have always been ideal, during our friendship, it was never, ever the motivating factor in my own actions. Often, we (men) will lie to each other, thinking that if you're there for her when she's with someone else, you'll be a ripe pick once that other guy messes it all up. And more over, you'll have the advantage of knowing what not to do! This is all a lie. Men may lie to themselves about it, but they're also befriending her because there's simply something that women offer us that men simply can't.

Our relationships among other men function in ways that require us to constantly maintain our status within other men: be this dating beautiful women, having regular sexual relations, benching the most weight, earning the most money, having the most power, knowing the most people. We, as men, are judged almost entirely by what we do, opposed to how we appear (Which seems to be the plague of women, unfortunately.) as thus, we propagate our own misfortune by maintaining these types of relationships amongst other men. However, women offer us a unique, and free platform by which we can grow without the limits of our male regulations.

Naturally, the first question which we would find ourselves asking, is why do these cycles proceed as they do, and how are they actually occurring in our world such that we don't see the evidence of these unique cycles? Naturally, when we're seeking out the woman we want to date, we're innately finding her to be the person wherein we can confide these excess needs, which allow us to better perform in front of the men with which we're associating. However, I find that more often (Again, purely anecdotal, and unsupported), gay men in particular, are drifting toward women and creating these relationships successfully. Much in what I had with my friend, until it evolved unexpectedly.

A major problem with us as men, biologically, is that yes, we're going to be seeing almost any platonic relationship shifting to something romantic or sexual to some extent with any woman we may find attractive. This is an unfortunate consequence of our biological wiring. Thankfully, with some measure of mental training and will, you can eliminate this to some extent, there are ever-present drifts. I remain unsure as to the total effectiveness of this system, but I believe that it yields a very unique male, different in approach toward women, and capable of executing a platonic relationship.

I apologize for the extraordinarily lengthy comment, and the complete lack of concrete or statistical evidence. I do, however, hope that you consider unique situations such as these, as they do often exist, and the perpetual-friend-zone male does exist, and he may become a much more prominent figure over the years, as men continue to break down the archaic structures we had in place over the previous centuries.

As promised, here is the most recent update. This weekend, after not speaking for some time due to our hectic schedules, my best friend hits me up to chat. He was on his way to visit his “perfect” girlfriend, but he wasn't pleased about it. He was telling me how he doesn't feel like dealing with her or people in general. He called it a phase, but because I understand him better than he does himself I was able to point out what the issue really is. He goes to school, is a part of a frat, organizes programs and fundraisers, and works two jobs. He rarely ever has time for himself and when he does his girlfriend is always around. He kind of just wants to have “him” time which is completely understandable. So I tell him that once he sees her he will be excited to be there. All he responded was “Doubt it”.

Naturally, once he told me all of that I decided it was best to give him some time and not contact him, especially since he was spending the weekend with her. The entire weekend he was texting me non-stop while he was with her. He texted while they were laying down watching t.v and when they were hanging out with her friends. He even texted me when they went on a dinner date, at a restaurant he took me to in Boston. He kept telling me how much the place brought back those memories of our fun filled weekend together with two of our other good friends.

Those are good signs, right? He is with her , yet texting me about things that remind him of previous things we've done. That means he is thinking about me while he is with her. That's good, right? I got really excited thinking there may be hope for me after all but I don't want to read to much into it.

You were right he does like me as more than just a best friend. Today , we were talking and he randomly asked me if I ever thought about what it would be like if him and I were in a relationship? I told that we have everything that people search for in a partner. When I asked him if he has ever thought about it? He responded with “Yes I have thought about it. Some times I wonder why we never got together since we are so close, we are so much alike, and we understand each other better than anyone else possibly could.” He went on to tell me that he wanted to kiss me on our whale watching trip. He said that he planned that trip thinking it would give him the opportunity and set the mood to do so but he couldn't because I had a boyfriend at the time and he didn't think I liked him. He was afraid he'd ruin our friendship. I told him I felt the same way. I wanted to kiss him then too but punked out because I figured he was not interested in me. We talked for a while about it how we were scared we would lose each other.

I am currently smiling from EAR TO EAR. I haven't been able to stop in fact I think my face is stuck like this hehehe!! We eventually changed the subject and kept conversation going. I don't know what is going to happen next. He is still with his girlfriend and he doesn't have the heart to cheat (nor would I let him). I do not know where this is going to go but I hope now that it is in the open that we both have feelings for each other we can progress to more. I am not pressuring him into making a decision. I want him to figure things out for himself, wether he decides to stay with her or try us out I will be here for him no matter what.

I met my platonic best friend my freshman year of highschool. We're currently juniors in college now, so it's been a solid seven years. We were friends in highschool, but it wasn't until we moved away to college that we became extremely close (we coincedentally went to the same university). We were both in long-term-dysfunctional relationships with people that did not go to our university or any college for that matter. We were both very lonely living in the dorms and relied heavily on each other for a shoulder to lean on.

I'm going to preface this paragraph by stating how completely oblvious I was to our perfect, platonic relationship. I was completely engaged in my loser boyfriend and wasn't physically attracted to my best friend- so the thought of loving him absolutely never crossed my mind. Looking back, I can't believe I let such a beautiful, budding, romantic relationship slip by.

My best friend and I ate lunch together on campus daily. We went to the gym together. We smoked cigarettes (we have both since quit) for hours bitching to each other about our significant others (I know I know, I'm such an idiot for not realizing). He took me to a baseball game. We even got caught in the rain together walking home from class…

One summer, we were both (well, all if you include both of our significant others) back in our hometown for the summer break (by the way, the four of us were friends together). I got a call from my best friend, and he said he desperately needed to be picked up from the side of the road… Of course I couldn't leave him hanging, so naturally I drove to pick him up and take him home. It turns out he had just gotten in a serious argument with his girlfriend and they “broke up”. I listened to him the whole way to his house, and when we got there I said a “see you later” kinda thing. He insisted that I come in and have tea with him since I had no other plans. I agreed, and I continued to listen.

Out of the blue, he leaned in to kiss me. I pulled away, A) because I had a boyfriend and B) I viewed him as a brother… we had never actually touched each other (ie: had never hugged or anything). He smiled, was very cool about it and continued to “tease me”, saying things like, “Really? Why don't you try kissing me? I've known you forever, I just want to know what your kisses are like” Suddenly, flashbacks of lunch dates, laughing hysterically, complaining about our sigo's and getting caught in the rain flooded my mind. His remarks certainly didn't help, and next thing I knew we were kissing very passionately.

I made sure that all we did was kiss. I finally had the strength to stand up, exhale, and get the hell out of there. Since that day, this boy has me on a chain. To sum up a lengthy story, he got back together with his crazy ex and I maintained my off and on relationship with my crazy boyfriend. I ended up leaving the university and moving home to go to a community college, so our best friendship was sort of put on the backburner. However, when we'd see each other at parties or whatever we would both light up. One time, while drunk unfortunately, we snuck away to talk and ended up kissing again (JUST KISSING!). He refuses to give me any sign of affection except these random make-out-sessions, but it's always after he pours his heart out or complains about this girl. Besides, the fact that it's kissing and not going anywhere else leads me to believe it's not “booty”. Plus, I would really hope that he wouldn't sacrifice all of our therapeutic hang out sessions just to get laid once or twice.

Finally, here's the end of the story. I've seen him a lot more recently than I have in awhile, and we're back to the whole 'we can totally hang out and it's not weird' thing. I finally got my joke of a boyfriend off my back, and I'm in much greater spirits without him. One night, I got super drunk with some of my OTHER guy friends (I really much prefer the company of guys to girls… always have) and admitted my crush. They thought it was hysterical, and I ended up calling my best friend and “proclaimed my love to him”. I turn bright red just thinking about it… OMG why would I do that…

Anyway, he now knows, for sure, that I love him. The day after proclaiming my love he invited me to a party. Half of me thinks, huh, maybe he's just trying to keep things on the cool side and continue being friends with me without making things awkward. The other part hopes and prays that he took my drunk dial seriously and may be trying to start some sort of relationship with me. I accepted the invite and brought along a girl friend so it wouldn't be as awkward. We played it cool around each other and conversed as we always would, but when we ended up back at his place my chick friend passed out and once alond we couldn't look each other in the eyes. He told me he broke up with his girlfriend that day… and I ended up passing out right next to him (though nothing happened).

This is such a long post- and I'm sorry. It does feel good getting it off my chest. I just need to know, does he love me too? If so, not that I give a shit at all about our exes, but they would probably murder us if they ever found out (they of course despised our closeness). Lastly, yes we've kissed but it's been brief and it's been a very long time. It's unfortunate because I imagine us finally admitting that we have feelings for one another, but after that I imagine it being incredibly weird and akward. Do we just… date? Kiss? Hold hands? Because he's such a great friend I have such a difficult time imagining us as anything more- but I want it. I feel like the best boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are when they're best friends. We know we're great friends, and he's hands down the best kisser I've ever kissed….

OMG I HAVE TO HEAR FROM CONFUSED CHOCOLATE CHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE SUSpense Is KiLING ME!!

It's kind of like The Office…lol. I loVE THAT SHOW!

Back by popular demand, just kidding : )
First, let me say YAYYY EMERY!!! We are paddling in the same boat but you are 2 steps ahead of me. Not only have you guys kissed (on multiple occassions) but he even left his gf for you. YAYY!!! Girl it's time to pounce haha!! Seriously, though, I think you were wise not to let it progress physically. The last thing you want is to complicate things far more than they already are. I hope it all works out for you in the end

Rach, thank you for your interest in my crazy complicated life. I wish I had more news to share but unfortunately things haven't gone anywhere from the last time I updated. With finals around the corner, we havent had time to really talk or anything. Aside from that I have been dealing with other issues related to my ex, whom will be receiving a bra and some tampons for Christmas since he is such a GIANT PUSSY (excuse my langauge)!!!
I am a little fustrated, I know I need to be patient and wait for things to pan out. At the same time he needs to step his damn game up!! We disclosed that we have feelings for each other, that we have both thought about what it would be like to kiss each other, to be in a realtionship with each other; still no move has been made. I have already sent a picture of my bare ass to him (I was drunk) how much more DIRECT CAN I BE? hahaha!! But it is ok, in order to get what you want you need to put in the work. I normally send him funny Christmas gifts (because of our inside jokes). The last one was diapers lmfao!! The first time he ever had a girl go down he got so excited that after he finished she continued and he ended up peeing on her hahahaha!!! He was so embarassed but it was so hysterical I could not let him lie that down haha!! Anywho, this year I was going to send him a first aid kit with ice packs, lots of superhero bandaids, and lollipops for being a good patient lol!! Over his summer break he went rock climbing fell backwards, the rope got tangled around his leg and had him dangling in mid-air. He hurt his leg pretty badly but luckily it healed up nicely. Thanksgiving break he sprained his ankle. Christmas break is coming so he needs to be prepared!! I also thought it would be cute if I send him a box filled with Hershey Kisses with a note saying “Now you can't say I never kissed you”. It's simple, cute, and a flirtatious reminder that I am still interested in him. Kind of like a “WAKE UP CALL”. If that doesn't work I may need to invest in Neon signs saying “MAKE YOUR MOVE FOOL!!” Well that's it for now I'll be sure to keep you posted

“I remember a post-sex moment with a dear friend – he started telling me about his father's funeral, kissing his father at the wake. If we'd never had sex, that conversation would have been something I would have handled really well, like a true friend. Because we were naked, I felt over-exposed, and in over my head. It ruined our friendship. I just couldn't take the vulnerability plus sex.”

Hi susan, could you extrapolate a bit further on the bit where you “couldn't take the vulnerability plus” bit

I do understand you… it would have scared me away too.however there are a lot of people online who are saying that guys should open up and reveal all their vulnerabilities and communication all their emotions asap, and wear their hearts on their sleeves and that doing other wise (i.e. holding emotions) is “playing games”.

haha,this is really good

Wow. Well, I really don't know where to even begin! My best guy friend and I met in high school and I don't really even KNOW how we became friends. He was the popular, perfect-looking funny guy who was like the beehive the girls swarmed around and I kind of thought, just based on the attention he got, that he was kind of a snob. And then one day he just started following me around everywhere I went and talked to me non-stop. Now I wasn't popular and I'm SO ordinary-looking it's ridiculous, so I was really perturbed when he started paying all this attention to me

Now he had a girlfriend of about two years and I had just started dating my first boyfriend (yeah yeah I know what you're probably thinking) and so we had no interest in one another. But as I went through a lot of problems with my guy, he was always there for me. Soon his girl broke up with him and we kind of kept each other close for moral support. I took care of him during the school year when his ex went on to date his best guy friend, and he took care of me over the summer when the moron I dated finally dumped me.

I never saw him as anything until a random day my senior year of high school. My ex was trying to catch my attention again and I was torn between him and my growing feelings for my best friend. Needless to say after a LOT of fireworks going off between my friend and I with rumors that we might be secretly dating, I went back to my ex like the spineless person I was. And my friend was not happy.

And the whole time I was with my guy, I still said to myself, “If (enter best friend's name here) would just tell me how he felt about me, I would end this relationship and go to him.” But I needed a distraction before I did or said something stupid.

This boy I met who was friends with my best friend became like my brother and let me in on a big secret. My best friend… DID like me. A LOT. But he didn't want me to know about it. Months passed. Another friend of ours told me that my guy friend liked me but he wanted ME to make the first move. This frustrated me to no end because he ALWAYS asked the girls out; with absolutely NO fear at all. And then when it came to ME he chickened out. UGH!!!

We graduated. He went up North to a university and I stayed in town and went to a community college. Our friendship kind of lost it's strength after he found out how I felt about him. He told me, “I love you. You know I do. But just not in that way. I never have and I don't think I ever will.” It didn't hurt really that much to hear him say that because I had always thought it to be true even when EVERYONE else said, “Tell him! He likes you! A LOT! Just do it before he leaves.”

And now it's been a little under a year and we've been talking a few times a week. His life is really busy up at the university (and I understand that) andI've been trying to get him to hang out with me but really to no avail. I was about to give up and just say “to hell with it” when he sent me a random text telling me that he needed to break up with his girlfriend. I was a little confused and when I asked him about it he just sent this reply: “Nvm.”

He keeps asking me to plan something for us to do when he comes into town and then when he gets here he can never hang out because of family or because he has other plans. I can't keep making plans when he's only going to shut me down again, but he still keeps telling me, “Sorry about last weekend. I'm coming back though! Let's hang out!” or he'll call me when he's on his way back into town and say, “I'm on my way!” And then I won't hear from him until he's already back on campus.

What can I do? I want to just give up but my heart doesn't want to and neither do all my friends and family members.

Thank you so much for responding! I'm actually not upset to get your advice at all because in my head I knew that's the right thing to do. He said he wants to hang out this weekend but I already know– through past experiences– that that's not happening.

As a friend I've always been there for him and there was once a time when he did the same for me and he just suddenly stopped one day. It got to the point where when he was dating a girl he wouldn't even talk to me because they didn't like how close we were and I even told him myself, “I'm sorry but I really refuse to be your side-dish friend.”

So thank you so much for giving me that last push that I needed! I'm on my way down that path to recovery and I'm doing so strongly!

I have read all of the posts. I am glad to not be alone in this best guy friend boat. I am going to share my story in hopes of some advice/objective thoughts. I am so confused and torn. I have talked my one girlfriend's ear totally off about this subject.

I met my best guy friend at work. I was going through a bad divorce when I first start working with him. When I met my friend I felt something instantly. He is an engineer. I was a secretary. From where my desk was, I could see him at his desk out in the laboratory. He and I would always exchange long gazes. I would look away and when I looked up, he would be looking at me. We would catch one anothers eyes and hold the looks. He would come up to the office alot and flirt and/or tease me. We started talking more and more. He and I share a lot of similar interests, and we quickly discovered this.

After about four or five months of working together, flirting, and our staring at one another, I decided to ask him if he wanted to have a drink. I was far too shy to ask personally so I emailed him. I told him that I was developing a crush on him and would he be interested in joining me for a drink sometime. He responded that evening via his personal email address. He sent me a lenghty email about how he had gone through a terrible divorce a few years back. He also told me that he was involved with a past secretary and things became very ugly. He said that he vowed to never let that happen again. That he was a guy and of course he had thoughts about me, but that his thoughts had to stay in his head because he had vowed to not get involved with any one at work. He did say that he would love to get to know me better and that if I was still interested in drinks, to name the day and time. Of course, I was somewhat bummed, but I agreed to continue on with drinks. (I found out the full story of his workplace romance, and WOAH, bad bad thing, and I respected his decision).

Anyway, so our friendship continued to grow. The staring contests grew more and more intense. We started hanging out more and more. He would bring in movies for me to borrow and we would discuss them. Life was great. Of course, my feelings grew more and more. We ended up going to Vegas together, just he and I, after about a year of me being at my job. We had a great time together. Flirting, touching, walking arm in arm, him showing me all around, and everyone thinking we were a couple didn't seem to bother him one bit. Shared a room. Nothing happened. Of course, I secretly hoped that something would happen, but it never did.

Coming into work after being with him in Vegas of course everyone was giving me that look like, we know something had to have happened. I was ok with everyone thinking something did happen. He and I continued to share our looks at one another, our excessive flirting, and my sitting at his desk for lunch sometimes while he helped me with my homework.

The next major event was a co-workers wedding. Of course, he and I were sat at the same table. And of course, we sat next to one another. We both drank. A lot. I danced with my co-workers wives. He watched me dance. He never dances, but I pulled him out onto the dance floor for a slow dance. He held me close, and I can still feel those feelings I had in my stomach. I am pretty sure that everyone was shocked by this. We had yet another amazing time together. He was worried about me driving home so he and I went to grab a bite to eat after the reception ended at midnight. He and I chatted and chatted. We sat at the restaurant until 5am. When we left the restaurant, he accidentally went the wrong way on the freeway, and I pretended not to notice. I am not sure if this was intentional or not, but it took us about 20 minutes out of our way. He joked about driving to another state to check it out. I was like sure. He said, someday we will. Of course, the night ended with just another hug.

Our bar nights increased. Our closeness increased. My feelings grew and grew. My friends knew all about him, everything he would do and say, and insisted that he liked me. Of course, I knew that if he did like me, nothing would ever happen while we were still co-workers. My friends and I were sitting around one Sunday talking about him, and they were like, you need to tell him that you are going to cook for him tomorrow night (as my roommate was going to be gone for the night). So, I sent him a text asking what he was doing tomorrow night. He replied with nothing, why. I said because you are going to come over for dinner. He said, really, are you asking or telling me? I said I am telling you. He said, well alright then! What time?! I was excited!!! From there, our text messages got a little more intense…and I thought that maybe when he came over the night would end with a kiss. So, our day at work Monday was nuts. He was busy, I was busy, and at about 4:45pm he sent me a little email saying, I don't know about you, but I am beat from today. I do not want you to have to go home and cook for me, why don't I take you out to dinner? I was a little bummed, but excited, so I said, sure! He said, I will pick you up at 6pm, let me know where you want to go. I said, ok see you then! So, I rushed home, got ready, and he picked me up. We went out and had a great time at dinner. We had drinks and nice converesation. When leaving the restaurant, he said, want to go have a few more drinks at the bar? I said, sure. On the way to the bar, I told him I was a little bummed that I could not cook for him. He said, well, I wanted to come over, look I even had wine to bring. He said, but I just did not want you to have to cook after today. You had a crazy day. So, arrived at the bar and yet again, had a great time closing it down. And yet, the evening again, ended with a hug. My friends were shocked. They suggested I ask him.

So, I did. The next night I sent him a text. I told him how I felt. I asked him if he felt the same and if so, what would we do about it. He text me back. He admitted that he would be lying if he said he does not have feelings or thoughts about me. He said again that he has to keep thoughts feelings and thoughts to himself because we work together. He said that he was sorry, but we could only be friends. I was bummed. I stayed quiet for a little bit, but of course, nothing changed between he and I.

Time kept going by as it does and things were the same. We went out, our flirting increased, our staring increased. He seemed bothered by other guys hitting on me at the bar. Sometimes, guys would come up to him and ask him if it was ok to ask me to dance or even talk to me. I would tell the guys he was my boyfriend. My friend was fine with this. Anytime we went out with other co-workers or just the two of us, he always paid for me. He and I always sat together. It got to the point where my co-workers asked if he and I were dating. One co-worker in particular said that he had changed in a good way. He was happier. We went to Vegas together two more times, of course, nothing happened other than us being more and more comfortable together. We would talk to other couples as though we were a couple He paid for everything, despite how much I argued with him. On one of our trips, another co-worker and his girlfriend went with us. Of course, my other co-worker thought that he and I were totally a couple. He did not believe for one second that we were just friends.

Everytime I would come home from Vegas with him or hanging out, my friends were just amazed that still nothing had happened. My feelings were so strong that I decided it was time to find another job. So I did. He was upset that I was leaving, but he wanted the best for me. We went out with other co-workers that night to celebrate my putting in a two-week notice. Of course, everyone left pretty early, leaving just he and I to finish out the night. We were sitting at our table talking when this random drunk guy came up to us and put his arms around us. He said to my friend, “I can really tell how in love the two of you are, and it is great to see. You have yourself a very pretty lady here.” I told the guy that he and I were just friends. They guy looked at him and said, “are you crazy? Why aren't you dating this girl. I know you like her and I am pretty sure she likes you, so go for it man.” My friend was like, well we work together. She just put her notice in, so I have to wait two weeks to make my move. I was in heaven!!!! The guy was like, “oh just go on and kiss her man, two weeks, what the hell?!!” of course, my friend did not kiss her. The guy asked if him if he could kiss me on the cheek and my friend said, its up to her. I was amazed that this guy came up to us and pretty much called us out on our feelings. So, I just had to make it through two weeks. We both acted as though nothing had happened, like that was totally normal.

So, two weeks went by, and of course, we went out to celebrate my last day. We had a great time. We both were drinking a lot. It was a great night. But, nothing happened at the end.

I sent him a text the next day asking him if we could start seeing one another now that we are no longer co-workers. He told me that I think too much and to let him do the thinking. I was not sure what this meant.

Of course, time went on as it always does. We continued to see one another, but not quite as often. We kept in touch. He was looking for a roommate. He wanted me to move in. I started seeing someone else in the meantime and did not tell him. I wanted to move in, but I was not sure how my new guy would feel.

My friend and I ended up attending another weddding together for another co-worker (well, my ex-coworker, technically). I asked one of my old co-workers to slow dance with me, and he responded with, well are you sure its ok with him? I don't want to upset him. I said, why wouldn't it be, we are just friends. He was like, you are?!? Like all shocked. This frustrated me. My friend watched while I danced and partied it up with everyone. I did not ever pull him onto the dance floor. I regretted this later.

Anyway, it is now almost five years later. He and my situation has not changed. I am his friend. He still treats me like I am more than that, but when confronted, he does not want to ruin the relationship. Anytime we are out, people think we are together. There is tension and something between us that is so strong. Everytime I hang out with him, I think about him for days/weeks until the next time I see him. I usually can not wait to see him again. I am still with that one guy. I am pretty sure that things will not work out between my current boyfriend and I because I am fairly certain I am in love with my best friend. It is not fair for my boyfriend to have a girlfriend that is in love with another man.

My friend and I went out this past weekend. I just found out my ex husband got remarried in January. When I found out, I was so upset. Of course, the first thing I did was text my friend. He was nothing but supportive. I needed him, so we met for drinks. He greeted me with a huge hug. I cried and cried to him. All the girls at this bar think I am his girlfriend. One of the bar girls came up to him and asked him something, and he looked at me and said, “are you my girlfriend?” I quickly responded with, “yes”. The bar girl walked away. He said, I think it is funny that you think all these girls here like me and I like them, but the truth is that they all think you are my girlfriend. I asked him if this bothers him. He said no. So, he and I continued our talk. The way he was talking and what he was saying was making me feel as though he was trying to tell me something. But, I have been wrong about things so many times that I have no clue what to think anymore.

I know this is a lot of information. I have actually left out a lot of stuff. The point is that everyone around us thinks we are together. Everyone is shocked when they find out we aren't. Do you think he likes me? If so, why has nothing happened???!!!

HELP!!! I have been plagued by this for almost six years now!

Thank you very much for giving it to me straight. I actually did like everything that you had to say.I have finally let my feelings go because what you said makes so much sense to me. I always knew in the back of my mind that my friend was just that…a friend. Of course, my girlfriends encouraged my feelings for him. They were all convinced that he liked me more than a friend.

I am glad that I posted my story on here. I am glad that I have let my feelings go. What a waste of a few years for me!

Thank you so much for helping me get my life back!!!

wow, this blog is amazing! I enjoyed reading this article and it was the first one I have read, I'm sure I'll be checking out all the other ones!

My situation is a little complicated: I have been in a relationship for almost three years and we broke up very recently, a few weeks back. The thing is, I have slowly started to fall for his best friend over time. I have always been attracted to him and more and more recently, sexual tension has escalated between us immensely! To a point that my best female friend felt it and told me! We have started hanging out alot and exclusively together at times. I have been yearning so much to hook up with him and get closer to him, but after awkward conversations and my subtle advances it seems he backs down and does not want to do anything because I am his best friend's ex. Honestly, it's a little funny because the bullets listed in this article is what I have been doing to get a hookup! I think he may try to distance himself from me, but sometimes he is confusing as the sexual tension is always there. :/

I must say that this blog is AMAZIING!!
well Susan, i hope you could help me with this mess i have made for myself.. let me start from the top:

You see, Im kinda this shy girl who have trust issues with people, and do not let too many in, and when i first do let some one in, it takes for ever.. 4 years ago i met this amazing guy, who was the opposite of me; so sure of himself and the true prince charming.. not get me wrong i was sure of myself, but just shy..
we met true friends and he was sure that i was the one, and i was veeeeery unsure.. this is the first guy i ever given a real chance…well we started dating, and he was too good to be true. with this in mind, I let my friends fill my head with what he had done, rumors here, rumors there, and i did the worst thing i could possiable do i let it affect me.. we had been dating for 3 months, and we were about to be exclusive when i had a flip out of nothing and broke things of with him.. and i did it the worst kind of way, by a SMS.. i know i broke his heart. But for me that point, it was break his before he breaks your, but what i did was i broke my own.. we didnt speak for a year, thn we got the contact back,and he told me he misses me and wanted to take up where wee broke of… i was soooo happy, but i didnt think that he needed me to show taht i was sincere and all that, instead i was playing it cool and waitning for him to proceed to me.. well this ended up badly aswell.. and now we didnt speeak for a long time.. when we did get our contact back, he was flirting alot but i didnt want to go there, but he didnt want to let me go, it was like even if he could have me as a girlfriend it was cool aslong as i was a part of his life.
well, then out of the blue we asked me if i wanted to start something because misunderstandments had ruined between us every single time, but i said that i didnt know.. little did i know he was dating a girl, and short time after this; she was his girlfriend… the dated now for 1 and halv years; AND HE KEPT CONTACT with me.. i mean called me, text me, emailed me almost everyday!! wanted to meet me.. i was always kinda akward about that, and every chance i had, i wanted to know if his girlfriend knew we were friends, because im not that kinda girl.
he was always into knowing what happend between us, what could we do to change things and so on..
Now he and his girllfriend cut things off, and he has cutt of almost all of his friends, and me and 3 others is the only people he still is in contact with..when he and his girlfriend broke up i found out that she didnt knew we were friends, and i be like, how is that possibale he spoke all the time, how can she dont notice this

I see him as a bestfriend because he has been there for me alot these last years, but i must admit i have feelings for him, and i belive he does to. We are friends now, but there is a tensen there and i dont know, he jokes that when we get 30 and still single we should get married, and he offend mention how our kids would be like, and that i should be his wife…
i dont know what to do.. im so scared of opening up and getting slapped by shame hhaha i would die, aaaaahhrrg.. this is taking soo much energy and time..

What should i do susan? and do u think he likes me

Wow i am a guy and reading this blog makes my head spin. The long and arduous journey of women to find relationship.

Im not saying it’s impossible to have platonic relationship, because i have one. I have women friend since 5 years ago and we have some sort of platonic relationship. We both have partner and enjoying our friendship even though sometimes our partner give us those “eyes” (jealous look) when we met or even chat. Im pretty sure she dont have feeling for me, im totally not her type, and i dont have too, because i see her as a friend and no more.

We hangout, chat, share about the embarrassing things we both did, even give each other suggestions. she definitely needs to go to the psychiatrist (some embarrassing problem with sex n her partner), and i need to go out more and stop being nerd, geek, and depressed all the time

I suppose it is not impossible to have that kind of relationship, but sure it is hard and finding the right friend may have to do with that. Put woman and a man together and they will start develop feeling. Love begins as accustomed (old proverb from my country).

What a great post..really got me thinking. I’ve known this guy for many years but recently have become good friends and I know he cares about my life. We’ve had serious conversations and he has asked me what I’m looking for in a man and what kind of wife I see myself being. However, he has suddenly gotten touchy-feely with me (tight long hugs, touching my arm). He also flirts, but he is a flirty kind of guy (he flirts with other girls too). He checks me out and smiles alot. He has never asked me out or called me. Could all these signs of affection just mean he is starting to really care about me just as a friend? Why would a guy suddenly start touching? Also, he is a close friend of my bro. Would that have something to do with it?

Thanks for responding Susan! This is such a great blog. Yes, him and my bro are very very close. My bro has mentioned he would rather me date him than some of my brother’s other friends, but when the three of us are together, my brother seems a little uncomfortable. I just don’t want to bring this up just in case I really am viewed as a “sister.” I’ve always thought he didnt care for me in that way, but now that he is getting more touchy, I’m starting to wonder? And since he has never initiated any dates (but says anytime I want to go out to let him know) it seems more like a bro-sis relationship. I just don’t want to read into this wrong and cause awkwardness when all along he just cared for me as a sister. I’m never good at figuring out when a guy friend starts to develop feelings. Many points on this post describe him, but not all. So many mixed signals.

You’re the first female I’ve known who has acknowledged that platonic relationships between guys and girls are impossible to maintain, because usually one side (often the guy, sometimes the girl) wants something more. Cool.
Most intelligent people recognize that when a girl says “let’s just be friends”, she’s trying to say the following:

You have failed to build enough attraction with me. Therefore, I do not have sexual feelings for you. But it is in my interest to string you along for various favors and whatnot, so I’ll try to keep you around on my terms.

Somehow, when a girl is confronted about this, she will lie and try to insist that she really wants to be friends, but we all know that isn’t the case. Even if it is, true friendships bring happiness and comfort to both parties, not anguish and disappointment, and girls enter into these friendships with full knowledge of what the result will be, so it’s a safe bet that it’s a lie.

This blog is absolutely brilliant and I find it most interesting to read the posts! 
But first I want to apollogise for any grammatical or spelling errors I might make, since English is not my mothertongue.
I hope you might have any advise for me concerning my confusing situation. I’m sorry that it is such a long story but I really try to keep it as ‘short’ as possible!

About six years ago I met this really handsome guy on a party of one of my fellow students at uni, he was a friend of a friend. I first recognised him because he is quite tall which is always a nice thing when as a women you’re six foot tall. We got on very well, but only met at parties of this ‘shared friend’ in the beginning. After some time he started to contact me directly whenever he was going out and so did I. Soon we became friends and discovered that we had much in common. Unfortunately we weren’t already ‘best friends’ when I left the city for studying a year abroad, so he didn’t visit me. When I returned we carried on to go out together, but usually accompanied by other friends. Our friendship grew closer and closer and I felt quite comfortable due to his attitude towards me, he is just such a ’Rock’n Roll prince charming’ but I didn’t have more serious feelings towards him, I just enjoyed his company. We called each other ‘darling’ and ‘baby’ and pretended to be flirty from time to time, but more as a joke. To the point that I got the impression that he really had something like a crush on me. All my friends told me so but I (in my mid twenties) acted like a shy teenager, I just couldn’t ask him how he felt because I was afraid of ruining this very special relationship we had. Come as it may, I finally started to have a crush on him too and his behaviour didn’t make the situation even better. He kept on telling me how shy he was, how much he liked me as a friend, how much he liked strong women, that he liked women with ‘monroe hips’ etc… Well,  finally on a night at a friends place when we were outside to catch some fresh air I asked him if there was anything more than friendship between us and he said ‘no’. Surprisingly I felt totally relieved by his answer and and just replied ’that’s good’.

We got on as best friends and to my surprise it didn’t take long until my feelings towards him were back to normal. We continued to go out together, having great nights in and out, having wonderful conversations, just being best friends (well we actually made this ‘pact’ of marrying each other in about ten years if were both still single mentioned above).
About six month ago I moved back to my mums house in a neighbouring city because I would not be able to continue working during my finals at uni and just couldn’t afford my former flat anymore. Due to the distance and all my studyingfor the finals we didn’t go out together as much as we used to. Sometimes we went out in ‘his city’ and sometimes in ‘mine’ just taking the first train in the morning after a long night out to go back home. Then to my surprise at a night out in ‘my city’ when we were on our own without any other friends he sarted to introduce us as a couple. I thought it was funny and just played along with him, because we were being a bit silly that night anyway, having a lot of laughs. I really didn’t take it seriously.
Now, the day before yesterday I handed in my thesis and we had some sparkling wine with some friends at uni to celebrate. Later we decided to take the last train to ‘my city’ to keep on celebrating. On the journey he started a quite serious conversation on our friendship. Among other things such as how precious I am to him he told me that it hurts him when I mention that I find a specific actor attractive who is per example more muscular than him (he is rather skinny). I found this attitude more or less weird and bluntly told him that I don’t like it when he says anything rude about big girls because I am not as skinny as he is. Sometimes I just don’t think before speaking, I could slap myself for this behaviour. Anyway, when we arrived we went on to a bar and had a great time as usual. At one point when I came back from the lady’s room I catched him not denying us to be a couple when someone talked to him who thought I was his girlfriend. Well, I pretended to not having overheard the conversation and thought I might play that bf/gf-game with him one more time but thats it. He sarted to hold my hand more often than normal and even took my hand and put it on his tight one time. To be honest we had quite some drinks and I thought he was just getting a little too close thanks to the alcohol but since he is my best friend it was ok for me. When we went to to the trainstation we walked hand in hand and it started to feel surprisingly natural to me. When we reached his platform we huged each other as usual before I go on to my platform. We were standing near the wall but instead of just hugging me, this time he  pressed me against that wall and kissed me, and I kissed back. It felt so right. We kissed for a couple of minutes until I really had to leave him to catch my train.

I am entirely confused now! I really had no crush on him anymore thats for sure. But now… I can’t say what I feel. This moment keeps on popping back into my mind. But I don’t know what to do, he only wrote me a message on a social network saying what a great night it was as usual but not mentioning what has happened. And since I still have to study for the last final exams I think we might not see each other for some weeks. And I don’t know if he was just drunk or feels something for me. This situation freaks me out! I have no idea how to behave the next time we meet and to be honest I am kind of afraid how he’s going to behave towards me.  

btw, sorry for my typos. Apparently, I wrote to fast!

it makes me sad to see how incredibly stereotypical this article is, *sigh*.

What a good article! My guy friend has asked me several times what I am looking for in a man and what my ideal guy would be. Does this for sure mean he’s interested? Would a guy friend ask this just out of curiosity and being comfortable talking with me about relationships? He has shown some other signs that you listed as well. Maybe I have just been oblivious this whole time to his interest.

Its interesting reading through everyone’s stories. I hope you can help me with mine. I’m not good with men, I don’t know what they’re thinking, and I’m so confused right now.

I’ve been friends with this guy since college, and then we happen to work in the same company, but in different department. So all up, we’ve been seeing each other almost everyday of the week (weekdays) for 7 years, and we’ve slowly developed from acquaintances to good friends to best friends. I’ve never thought of him as anything more than a friend until he told me he was going to leave the company a few months ago. All of a sudden I realized how important he is to me and how much I would miss him when he leaves. Since then, I’ve been constantly asking myself whether I really do like him more than a friend, or am I feeling this way just because I’m going to miss him as a friend? Even though I was confused to begin with, I do believe now that I like him, maybe even love him. We’re both single and have been for years. Since I realized my feelings, I’ve been wondering whether he feels the same. I haven’t said anything because like you’ve mentioned on your blog, I’m worried I’d ruin our friendship. Until I read your blog, I was always convinced that he treats me just as a good friend and nothing else. But he does do a lot of the things you mentioned. He notices when I’m stressed and always texts me to make sure I’m ok. We’d chat online for hours and would basically talk about anything. He’s started organizing gatherings with our old friends and I’ve noticed my importance when he changed the dates because something suddenly came up and I couldn’t make it. He gives me massages on my shoulder when I complain I’m tired. And EVERYONE at work thinks there’s something going on between us, although I’ve always denied it (because before he told me he’s leaving, I really didn’t feel anything further). So does these signs mean he likes me more than a friend too? or is it normal for guys to treat their good friends this way?

First off, can I say how amazing it is that you wrote this post over a year ago and are still replying to the posts? It’s nice to see how much you truly care about helping people.

With that being said, of course I have a story of my own to share that I’m so unsure of where things are leading:

I met this guy a year ago and never thought i’d be where I am with him today (his friend and he went running around knocking on random doors drunk one night in college and i had to talk to him for half an hour at like 3 am, and i initially shrugged it off as a random drunk visitor, but a few visits later he just kind of stuck).

Around the four month mark, we started getting to be pretty good friends. By this point I had invited him over to hang out with me and my usual group and they loved him so he became a part of our every day. We ended up going to some event together, one of the first times we had hung out alone and he ended up paying for me and refusing to let me pay at all (i’m pretty stubborn when it comes to guys paying for me, i put up a pretty good fight regardless if i like them or not, i was raised to be pretty independent). That was my first indicator he might like me.

Anyways, throughout the year we’ve known each other, we kept getting a lot closer, as around month 6 we had to deal with a tough incident where a friend of ours got in trouble for something this guy did. I helped my friend through the guilt of watching our mutual friend get in trouble, and stood by him as he turned himself in to clear our other friend’s name from the record.

I was unsure of how I felt about him after that initial spark when he started paying for me and being nicer to me. Things stayed platonic between us but the friendship just kept getting stronger and I was more and more confused, until we were partners for an orientation program where we took care of a group of freshman for a week and had to stay together for 20 hour days and were basically all but in a relationship for the week.

After that week I had no doubt I had feelings for him. I felt like our bond was at an all time high after that week, we had such a good connection with each other I think the kids sensed it because we did a really good job with them because of the feelings.

He had stopped doing things like paying for me (I think i scared him off a little with my independence in that aspect) but there were always moments when I thought he was flirting, but they could always go either way so I was never sure.

I finally decided to tell him how I felt, about three months ago, and right before I did he broke the news to me that he ended up getting kicked out of school for three quarters because of the aforementioned incident he fessed up to being a part of. i was in shock, but later that night i made the stupid decision of going over and telling him how i felt anyway. He of course told me he didn’t want to start anything because he was now so unsure of his future, but i told him i came over to tell him mostly because i was now panicking about losing him so i had to be honest with him.

Things were a little weird after that week, we didn’t talk regularly anymore (before that we saw each other at least five times a week and talked every day) and didn’t talk at all until one day i decided to call him out of the blue and that seemed to help get us back on track. after that we seemed to be totally fine again.

Although i was struggling with having feelings for him, I was glad to have things back to normal. Until one night where we both stayed the night at a friend’s house in the same room because we had been drinking and couldn’t drive home, and we ended up bickering like we usually do when we’re drunk (i swear i always believed it to be sexual tension, and it totally was) because we ended up getting into a deep talk that night and then we ended up talking until 6 am and got a little risque with our conversation. he ended up dropping a major hint about hooking up with me, and i called him out on it, and he said he wanted to, if i wanted to, but he said he wanted it to be casual, and understood if i said no because i had real feelings for him.

well stupid me didn’t want to say “What if?” and i went for it. Things weren’t weird the next morning or anything, I was actually kind of digging the whole FWB thing at first, but that’s not me. Things were fine, we actually went to dinner the day after with my roommate (who we decided not to tell, or tell anyone, for that matter, about what happened) and he made a sly comment about him really liking it when girls were forward with him. I thought we were doing great until the next time i went to a party he was at, (he was completely trashed) but he totally avoided me! I saw him turn to take a step towards me and then changed his mind and bolted.

I was totally crushed, and went on with life trying to forget it, figuring we’d reconnect when finals were over, but i never heard from him. I tried using that to get over him, saying if he really cared he would call. The day before I left town, he realized I was in town still and ended up coming by and stating profusely he didn’t know i was around or he would’ve called, so that made me feel better about him appearing to act like a jerk.

We said our goodbyes for the rest of break, and a month later, we saw each other for his birthday (a week and a half ago). I ended up going to a birthday dinner that ended up being me and all dudes, which I did not expect (but i am fine with as all of my friends are guys for the most part, i get along with them better). Of course, the conversation was on booze, chicks, and engines, but I went along with it. Then they started talking about some hot girl he wanted to hook up with, and I just felt terrible. It was more the fact that he would dare talk about that in front of me than the actual fact he wanted to hook up with this girl that killed me. I felt like he had not tact.

So later at his party i basically avoided him. His birthday was the next day and i decided to not call him, which i felt a little guilty about, but i wanted to hurt him like he hurt me the day before. It has been a week and a half since his birthday and i have not heard from him at all.

I know that was a lot of buildup for a simple question of what I should do now with this situation but i feel like it’s more complicated because of the casual hookup after a building relationship deal. One friend keeps telling me to move on because he never cared about me but our history says otherwise. He might be acting like a jerk now but i know it’s not true that he never cared.

As much as i’m trying to just give it time and space, i’m pretty upset. I miss my best friend. I know i should’ve called him on his birthday, but I just feel like another conquest to him that he’s moved on from, and i don’t want to be that lingering girl trying to get something started. I dont’ know why i feel like that because he doesn’t hook up often and isn’t that kind of guy. I know i’m overanalyzing it and it’s probably not as big of a deal as i’m making it, but I’m just wondering if i should give up altogether and move on with my life or if i should try to keep the friendship. I really want the friendship but I don’t want it if it doesn’t appear to be healthy for me, or if i’m doing all the work. I’m just so confused. I miss life before the confession and the hookup.

Anonymous,
.
“I’m not good with men, I don’t know what they’re thinking.”
.
You’re off to a good start, most young women don’t realize this or can’t bring themseles to admit it.
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“I’ve never thought of him as anything more than a friend until he told me he was going to leave the company a few months ago. All of a sudden I realized how important he is to me and how much I would miss him when he leaves.”
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It’s takeaway game, executed unintentionally! I’m curious to hear how this turned out, this sounds like it came straight out of a romantic comedy plot.
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I don’t often advise this, but because the comfort and compatibility factors appear to be set like a jello mold, I think you should take it head on.
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This would be the emotional equivalent of an all-in bet, and that’s a risk you would just have to accept – it comes with the territory. (Fitting with my recent post about breaking up, you will also have to accept that it’s his right to choose where his life goes, so it’s OK to be upset if it fails but being angry _at him_ is unfair.)
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I am going to disagree with Susan’s advice to chat about mysterious feelings. You know what you feel and what you want. Be bold and active – you are not begging him but making him an offer. “Since you announced you’re leaving I can’t stomach the idea of not seeing you every day. I’ve come to realize that I love you, and I want you to be with me.” best of luck.
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I was in a situation like yours once. When my love left I realized how much I would miss her. I went all in. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted (although that turned out to be for the best) but I escaped with my dignity and pride intact and I’ll never have to wonder what might have been had I not wimped out.

“(I later married him, but that’s another story.)”
WOW

Hi Susan,

You’re right, I didn’t like what I heard from you. But I knew it was true.

After that, it took a week or so, but I finally cut him out for good. I stopped responding to all texts (although there were only a few texts) and I got a call for the first time in three weeks yesterday. I ignored it, but was obligated to call back because it had to do with planning an event for our orientation kids. I got another call today and I waited an hour or so before I gained the courage and I called back, acting very curt.

When he asked what was wrong, I told him I was done. He asked with what, and I answered “You.” I then proceeded to tell him why I was done with him, kept it short and sweet and ended the phone call.

Four hours later I get a call and an upset voice mail. He wanted to talk and a chance to make things right. While trying to figure out whether I should let him talk, he texts me basically begging to talk. I tell him he can come by in 30 but only for a little while so I can just finally be done with the whole thing.

We talk and I keep the whole hard ass composure and tell him exactly what he did was not OK and he kept apologizing profusely and said he never meant to hurt me and everything and that he wanted to be friends again. I went through everything he did wrong and told him exactly why it was wrong and that was why I was upset, because he thought it was just the hooking up thing. I showed him no mercy and told him I had absolutely no feelings for him which I can gladly say is true. He just kind of sat there shell-shocked in between apologizing and hanging his head.

I also told him that friendship wasn’t an option right now, if ever, and that I needed him out of my life. I asked him not to call me or text me with the exception of the event we have to plan, which I will do because I don’t want my orientation kids to get affected by this. I told him other than that, we’re done.

He left feeling like hell, it appeared, and I felt more empowered than ever. I would just like to thank you for helping me find the strength to realize that he was bad news. I finally have my closure and could not feel better about standing my ground and sticking up for myself, and a lot of that had to do with the fact that I couldn’t see him for what he really was. Keep on dishing out the advice, even when it’s as hard as it is to hear, it definitely helps and has made me become a happier person.

I love knowing that I’m not the only girl with the “best guy friend” dilemma Here’s my story:
I met my guy friend (we’ll call him Bob) during the summer of ’05, a few months before I started dating my second bf. Now, Bob is quite a bit older than me(34 years actually), and he drives for the city bus company, so I see him a lot. At first we didn’t talk much even tho I became a regular on his route up until it was time for a new signup. I think it was a few months before we even saw each other again. Even tho I was dating my bf, I still talked to Bob whenever I saw him downtown. Eventually I started riding around with him, talking about stupid things and eventually reaching a comfortable zone where we could joke about anything. When I became pregnant for my first child, he caught me off guard by saying my hips were getting bigger. After I was through laughing like an idiot, I managed to ask him why he was looking and he said he just couldn’t help but notice it. A few months after my son was born, many of Bob’s coworkers teased him, said that my son was his and called me his gf. In fact one of them said something to him in front of me that made me turn so red that he wouldn’t stop teasing me about it for weeks after. Shortly after, I managed to exchange numbers with him.
I’ve been with my bf off and on for over 5 years now. Bob knows everything good and bad about our relationship. We talk on the almost every day, hell we see each other almost every day. We email each other and sometimes chat on Facebook. He gives me advice about anything I have a problem with and I help him understand his teenage son. We make bets and whoever loses has to buy the winner lunch or coffee somewhere. We buy each other coffee and random snacks. I’d never thought of him in any kind of romantic way. But recently I’ve noticed some changes.
A few months ago I had a dream about us making out. I told him about it, and he was very intrigued by it. Some days later, he asked me on the IM if I wanted to have sex but didn’t continue with the subject. When he’s working and I’m with him, he lets me change the sign on the bus, hand out transfers, even tell people what bus they need to get where they need to go. When he finishes his run, he drops me off outside the company gates while he drops the bus off n gets his car. Then he’ll either bring me straight home or he’ll take me along to wherever he’s gotta go and then he brings me home. If I’m downtown at the same time as he goes on break, he’ll bring me home. Last month we had a bad snowstorm, I was stuck on campus at OCC and he actually drove up there and brought me home. I can’t count the times he’s driven completely outta the way to get me and take me somewhere. On top of it all, he seems to trust me with anything that is his.
I just recently broke up with my bf and after a really bad fight, I asked Bob to take me to Walmart since we both needed things from there. Along with everything else, I got him a buncha different kinds of nuts because he loves them. On the way back to my house, Bob was acting all wound up, kept making perverted references about the nuts and sharing them with me. Later that night I called him up, he was drunk and told me how he likes to have relations with women. The next day I got on his bus, and he had a trainee driving so he sat next to me the entire time. He kept play hitting me and he invaded my lunch without even asking. I remember reaching into the bag to grab a bite and half of it was already gone. I didn’t care, but it was very unlike him to be acting like that. Also throughout the entire ride, he was texting me about sharing his nuts with me (he hates texting so this was another thing that threw me off) and making sexual jokes. And then just the other day we were talking on the IM and he said that he would be intimate with me, we would just have to find somewhere where we wouldn’t be interrupted. His place wouldn’t work because he has a 19 yr old who comes and goes, mine wouldn’t because the ex still lives with me and I have 2 children. However, in person we don’t usually talk like that. We talk like normal best friends, about anything. Recently he’s been asking me more about my family and my past, and he seems to notice things about me more. He compliments my hair and certain clothes I wear (and I dress pretty conservatively). And he constantly teases and makes fun of me.
I love my ex but right now he needs some counseling to manage his anger and other issues before I can ever consider being with him again. But I’m wondering if Bob has any feelings for me other than simple attraction. I’m scared to death to ask him because I’m afraid it’ll damage our friendship. Part of me thinks I should put my thoughts on hold. My instincts tell me he really does like me as more than a friend. I just don’t know! What do you think?

Hi guys. Thanks for all the suggestions. It took me another few months to gather enough courage to open up a conversation to tell him how I felt. I’m really glad I did it because he told me he felt the same way but he was worried it would ruin our friendship.

But now that we know how we feel about each other, there’s other problems. We are of different ethnic background and have different religious believes (well I’m atheist and he’s christian). To him, our believes would be our barrier, whereas to me, is our cultural differences. So even though we now acknowledged our feelings for each other, we have decided to maintain our relationship as before. He said he needs more time to think about it but whatever he decides would be for the best of my interest because he really cares about me. I am also not sure about taking things further, but I’m willing to give it a try.

So now, I’m just waiting patiently for his decision….

My story is this: More than half a year ago, I got to know a guy at work pretty well. Both of us were very similar, yet different from the rest of our co-workers so we got on very well. We talked to each other a lot, hung out outside of work and got really close. I’m almost a decade older than him so even though I did find him attractive after a while, I just didn’t go “there”. However, I eventually developed feelings for him but kept it from him. All this while, I knew he felt very comfortable with me, that I understood him on some level not many people did, and he loved spending time with me.

Recently, something happened and he realised he had feelings for me. He admitted it to me and I did the same. The kicker was he didn’t want to start a serious relationship with me because it would take him a long time to get over me. You can imagine my confusion as to why someone would think of the end before it even began. Eventually it came out that he couldn’t get past our age gap, that if I wasn’t so much older, he’d have given it a try by now.

My problem now is that I do want something. While I appreciate his honesty, it doesn’t make it hurt less. I don’t develop feelings for someone easily so this is especially difficult for me. The last time I had a relationship was almost 10 years ago. It is very obvious he cares a lot for me and wants us to remain as good friends. I just don’t know if I can do it and if I should since I do want to move on. I do value his friendship a lot.

I’m particularly amazed that men seem to be able to not let their feelings get any stronger as long as they don’t start something. At least that’s what he said. In fact, they’ve started to fade for him barely weeks after since he’s made up his mind not to act on them. This just seems to be the other way for women, or at least for this woman.

Hey All,

Can I just start by saying it SUCKS when you’re in love with your best guy friend! When I first realized that this was the case we weren’t as close of friends as we are now and I completely ran away from it initially because that was not my intention when we became friends in the beginning. I used to hang out with him and a mutual friend (his roommate) about every other day my last semester in college. Of course he realized when I stopped coming around and didn’t seem too happy about it so I tried to push my feelings aside and eased my way back into hanging out with them. We’ve only known each other for about 11 months now and didn’t start becoming friends till about 7 months ago. Well over the course of my last semester in college we started spending more and more time together (usually with other ppl, like his roommate who I was friends with before I met him) and towards the end (before I had to move for my new job and he had to move to go to grad school) we were spending most of our time together and a lot of it was without his roommate present. We would cook together, watch movies, go to the gym together or just hang out and talk. Before I moved I basically started spending the night at their place most nights because it was more convenient cuz we were always together and we all knew that this was basically one of the last times we were gonna get to spend together before we had to move.

So my thoughts on the matter at the time of us moving to different states were that we would naturally talk (and of course see each other) less and my feelings would fade.. boy was I wrong. It’s been 3 months since I moved and he came to visit me when he was moving (about a week after I moved), on the way to his new location. We talked on the phone a couple times and texted several times after moving. About a month after moving he added me on IM and we started chatting almost every day. These days it is rare for us to go a day without talking unless I’m very busy at work and don’t get home till late. On weekends we will sometimes chat almost the whole day. We recently started talking on voice chat and the other night he called me and we talked for 3.5 hours. Most of the time I realize that with guy friends the call usually ends after 20 to 30 mins so to me this is not something I’m used to with guy friends. He teases me a lot and likes to make fun of me regularly (sometimes he tries to be mean on purpose to get a rise out of me but he’s always joking of course). We also like to argue in a playful way. Sometimes I will tell him he is mean and pretend I am mad at him for whatever he said and if he thinks I’m serious he will always wonder what he did and ask about it until I am back to acting normal again. He also says very nice things sometimes and I usually think he is joking but he makes sure to let me know he’s serious. He never talks about other women with me and one time when I asked about his ex gf (at the time I didn’t know that she was his ex and thought they may still be together) he seemed a little annoyed and asked what made me think they were still together and said that I should know he’s not with anyone right now. I never talk about other guys with him and we’ve both pointed out and realized that we never talk about those things with each other.

The other night on our voice chat he asked me when I was coming to visit him or if I was just saying that but not really going to do it (I had mentioned I was going to visit at some point.. I have money cuz I’m working so it makes more sense for me to visit at this point.. he’s in school and isn’t working right now). I told him in the next couple weeks I would come stay for a weekend (possibly next weekend).
He knows there is something I’m hiding from him and he asks about it sometimes but recently I told him I didn’t want to tell him because I was protecting him. To me it is more like I am trying to protect the friendship because I don’t think he feels the same way (more like I think it would be too good to be true if he did) and even if he did I don’t know that anything could/would happen because we are from different ethnic backgrounds and I think he may be looking for someone from his country (although he is open to dating outside of his culture, at least he has done it before).

Several of my friends have told me that they are pretty sure something is going on between us or should be but since I don’t know how he feels I am so scared to bring it up in case he doesn’t feel the same way (I’m not sure how I would handle that) and in fear it may destroy the friendship. I can tell he cares about me but I can’t tell if its just as a friend or possibly more. Even his ex roommate who I am really good friends with as well sometimes wonders what is up with us.
I’m also trying to figure out if I should say anything when I go visit him in the near future. What does it seem like to you? Any advice would be much appreciated!

I’d also like to say that you give great advice and you really leave the BS out. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m reading too much into it because of what my friends may have said but anything to look out for (maybe even signs he may not be interested) would help a lot. Oh I might also point out that I think I’ve made it pretty obvious that I like him by dropping hints but have not been blunt about it and I’ve been told that men have a hard time picking up on these hints sometimes.
Sorry for the LONG post!

@Annonymous

WOW.. thank you so much for answering my post. I noticed your situation was quite similar but I didn’t realize it was THIS similar. I guess there is no way to know unless you do something about it, but my biggest problem is I am not sure how to approach it.. it seems so difficult to broach the subject especially since I would be devastated if this destroyed the friendship. So may I ask, how did you do it??

I also really just feel like it made sense for him to stop by on a long drive when he moved since I was pretty much on the way (no more than 30 mins out of it anyways) so I think that could go either way (although I think he was wearing cologne when he did which he normally doesn’t do!). He even said himself it would feel wrong if he was so close and didn’t come visit.
He also bought me perfume as a graduation gift but I guess a good friend can do that as well.. (??)

The obstacles that come with these types of relationships based on different ethnic/cultural backgrounds can be hard to deal with but I really believe that if two people feel the right way about each other and are willing to they can always make it work.. but it’s got to be two rather than one.

I REALLY hope he decides to do what I think should be obvious to him and that it works out for you two!!
Wish you all the best!

And I hope we are not disappointing you Susan because I would still love to hear your advice!

Hello @Susan Walsh
First, this exact picture and many others of this guy model were in a school brochure issued by some cultural gov. branch in Portugal something like 2 years ago. Now how in the world did it came to be here??? I’m so freakin curious!!! He’s african european.

Second, I think platonic relationship between opposite sexes is perfectly normal and agree with everything you said…what I really wanted to know was about the picture lol
Regards

@ AM

Sorry for not responding earlier.

I would never have the courage to say anything to his face. So I did it over IM. I started with just questions about what type of girls he’s looking for, and then whether there’s anyone he’s interested in at the moment. Hope this helps.

And my gut feeling tells me he really likes you too.. ^^

Goodluck AM.. Hope it’ll work out for both of us.

“yet he never made any advances towards me since our first awkward encounter, and would still continuously try and hook me up with his friends. There were a lot of mixed signals…he would be touchy, invite me out when he had other girls around (no steady girlfriends though), and tell me things that would indicate he was interested.”
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I don’t think these are mixed signals, just signals that go against what you might like to be true. A guy who doesn’t make moves and is trying to set you up does NOT have you slotted at his #1 wish.
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“My question is, do you think he’s afraid of loving someone because of the loss of his parents?”
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I think this is irrelevant, like asking if an overweight person should take vitamins. He’s either damaged by the trauma, in which case he needs to heal before he’s relationship material, or he’s just not into intimacy, in which case he’s never going to come around. In neither case can you or your dopamine heal him.
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“For some reason, every time we would get close, he would shut down, and now I am afraid it’s going to happen again. I was hoping for some advice on this matter because we have had this connection for so long.”
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I have to be honest, this doesn’t sound like a connection as much as it is a repeating case of mutual infatuation and unsustainable emotional support that dissolves before deeper bonds are set.

Relationships should start romantically, or friendly, and stay that way! “Friends first” is super creepy.
If a guy genuinely wants to be your friend, he is not physically attracted to you, period. I would never want to be friends with a woman I find attractive.
Also, I don’t think married couples should have friends of the opposite sex. It could never help your relationship, but could hurt it. So why do it? The day I am married, I will drop my female friends as I feel it would be disrespectful to my wife to maintain them.

“If a guy genuinely wants to be your friend, he is not physically attracted to you, period.”

If a man is in a happy LTR he can certainly consider his female friend(s) to be physically attractive without having any intention of pursuing a romantic relationship with any of them. It might be true in some abstract sense that most men fantasize about having sex with any attractive acquaintance, but that by itself is not necessarily a serious threat to either their existing LTR’s or their friendships with women.

“Also, I don’t think married couples should have friends of the opposite sex. It could never help your relationship, but could hurt it.”

I agree that people in LTR’s need to be careful about opposite sex friendships, but this is a bit extreme, isn’t it? For example, married couples can certainly all be friends. The main proviso is that the two husbands must be friends with each other, as must the two wives – not just one husband from one couple and the wife from the other.

My friend tels me that whenever he called he discussing about me.he saw that my friend only once,that is when I introduced and he asked her out since then he refused to go see her instead he gave her number to his friend.he tells me he likes,he visits,he cals but I cal more than he does.its been a year now and he hasn’t asked me out.he keeps asking me about my boyfriend,the other day he told me to kiss on phone,Irefused.the last time he came to see he wz calin me pet names,he waz asking rhetorically why can’t we be more than friends and that he’s really getting fond of me n wz being touchy,I was suprised because he hasn’t touched me before.I don’t really know what he wants

plese tell me?! i think i actually might like him to…

Hi! i really need some advice..I guess ill lay it all out and see what you guys think!
I have been friends with a girl for 11 years. We are currently in our mid 20′s, we spend a lot of time together. We go to movies/bars/etc … we had never got to a sexual level before a couple days ago. There has been times which both of us have shown signs of jealousy when we see each other with other people. I have been head over heals in love with her since the day i met her! i never had the balls to say anything and our friendship grew stronger and by that time i was seeing other people and so was she. it was kinda too late to express my real feelings for her as i was at the point which i could not live with out her,not having her as a friend would ruin me. so long story short me and her went out a couple days ago and had a couple drinks. we ended up driving back to her house and when we get there she tells me to just pull over and hang out for a few minutes. Next thing you know she has her legs rubbing all over. One thing led to another and we were all over each other. … a guy passes by while were in action lol and we both agree to stop. (we would of had sex if he didn’t) so randomly we decide not to sleep and head to the beach together. We spent the whole day together and at times talked about the previous night. There was no awkward moments. On the drive back later that night she asked me if i was gonna go home and hook up with a girl and i told her no! and joked around saying maybe ill need at least a couple days…. which i don’t was a good idea or not. I drop her off like any other time. She calls me at 8 30 in the morning asking if i wanna go hang out and get lunch later. So we do all of that and everything is cool. She ends up going home taking a nap and calling me 2 hours later saying she just wanted to call me and let me know, that she just had a dream about us having sex and it felt so real..and to add to that she wanted to know if i masturbated later that day from that beach (i was shocked) but i played it cool. we met up later that night for a coffee and went home afterwards. Since then she has been ignoring me. Anyone have any advice for me? please girls tell me how you would feel!
i need to know how she feels about me! i would love to express my feelings to her, how do i do it?!!
thanks
Ps after reading many comments here, the confusedcholoatechip persons story is the one i can relate to the most!

Pete. We trust you learned something from this experience. Relationships should start out romantically, or friendly, and STAY THAT WAY! Any other way is downright creepy, and it will ruin your friendship. I’ve NEVER been attracted to a woman as a friend or lover, and then my feelings flip flopped. We, as men, know the minute we lay eyes on a woman if she is friend or girlfriend material. Man up, be her friend, and find another girl….there’s only 3 billion more out there. Sigh.

Pete,

I respectfully advise you don’t listen to Gabe Asher. I’m not sure he read your comment properly – as I see it the girl made a move on you and so now the battle has been joined. That’s great! Now just keep escalating and see where it goes.

It will “ruin your friendship”? WTF is the point of having the friendship if you have all these unrequited feelings on the side? I’ve been there, that kind of a friendship sucks. I’m going to tell you from personal experience – there’s no point in holding off because you “don’t want to ruin the friendship.” If the door is open, go for it.

“we met up later that night for a coffee and went home afterwards. Since then she has been ignoring me. ”

What I see happening here is that she more or less explicitly told you she wanted to have sex with you (women don’t talk about sex with guys they aren’t thinking about sex with) and is driving hard to spend time with you. Then you went for coffee at night and I think she expected you to invite her in and seduce her. So she feels disappointed She may not understand this loss of enthusiasm, it’s a non-conscious process.

What I advise is that as soon as possible (like today) you invite her to hang out or do something that can get the two of you alone. DO NOT talk about your “feelings,” ask her what it all means or anything like that. Don’t engage her rational brain, that will kill her tingle. Use your feelings to motivate your actions. Just hang out, and when the time is right escalate. Women love the “it just happened” seduction.

“Man up, be her friend”

This is terrible advice. What part of “manning up” includes stewing in unrequited love? Not to mention she is the one escalating the situation.

(As an aside, don’t be friends with women you’re unusually attracted to or in love with. Make your attraction known, give them an opportunity to reciprocate, if they don’t then don’t feel the need to stick around getting half of what you want out of it. You’ll get bitter and blame them for not returning your feelings and that’s just a bad way to be.)

“what does it mean when the girl best friend makes the first move on the guy?”

It usually means she’s hot for you!

I have known my “male” best friend for about 7 years, we became closer and more best of friends for about a year now when he went off to college in another state, we kept in touch every now & then via skype/facebook/text/calls..months later, he finally came back to our hometown for school vacation for 2 months. i picked him up from the airport and ever since we have seen eachother literally everyday, if not, every other day. ( a part i left out, i have a 2 year old child with a previous relationship) my best friend loves my child so much. he calls himself the father (i told him hes the god father), he post pics of the baby on his facebook page all the time, claims himself as the childs father to all his friends, ask about him all the time. my child loves him the exact same, they have so much fun together, buys him things.. he picks him up and babysits him all the time. (my childs birth father isnt in his life on a regular.) anyways…back to the story. we have the weirdest friendship ever. we tell each other “i love you” and “i miss you” in texts randomly..or random mornings, i will wake up to a “i love you or i miss you and the baby” from him. i tell him i love him back..and i do. we make jokes about being “future husband and wife…i feel like i am falling deeper and madly in love with him..all the signs are there and everythign about him i want in a man. hes very tall, handsome, athletic football player, great dresser personality, sweet. i am even close to his mother as he is with mine. i dont know if he knows how i feel about him bc i dont really show it..but i feel the jealousy with other girls that like him and that he talks to as friends. hes the same way with me, asks about my guy friends that i talk too, gets mad if i dont tell him. anyways, more to the story..we hang out every other day like i said.. the mall, out to eat, my house, his house, movie nights, going to the gym together, family parties, bbqs, holiday events..we are always together. my family started saying we make a cute couple and tells me im in love and he likes me bc were always together. i blush and say no…friends of friends are asking us, if were more than friends, we both say, “were just bestfriends” well this is the part where it gets crazy. were at my house one night, watching a movie cuddled on my love seat couch. were sitting face to face, with both our legs on the couch touching eachother (this is normal, we always sit close like this) but this time.. he started slowly gently touching my legs up and down..getting closer and closer to my vagina. slowly, to see how i would react..i dont stop him, he finally touches..i touch his arms..he keeps going. he tries taking off my pants..i help him. he starts touching me down there.. then out of nowhere he gives me oral s*x..then we had s*x, the best s*x ive ever had in my life. i swear…the next day was awkward he kept his distance, it was kind of weird bc we never took our friendship to that level. 2 days after, we met up.. i took him food to his house with the baby and we went to the mall together and went to my moms house and hung out over there all night. few days later, we were at my house again as usual hanging out/eating, out of nowhere he smiled and looked at me and told me he missed me and wanted a hug. he came and hugged me and caressed my legs… we went upstairs and he started touching…we had s*x again. after we were play fighting, having fun..touching and watching tv but then he was texting girls all night and im back confused..idk what to do or how to feel about us. i guess were just bestfriends that have s*x now?? idk. help!

My best friend is the only person I’ve had feelings for (he’s been interested in me too, many months ago, I was told that he’d be with me, if I hadn’t moved out of state), but he’s in a serious relationship with a girl I know – all of us met in the same class, and she became his best friend also, they flirted all of the time when he was in a relationship, and I cuddled with him once, even though he was taken – my first male best friend, and the first guy I cuddled with. Anyway, he gave me pecks on the lips, while he was single, a few weeks before I left state, but I didn’t kiss back. I was afraid to experience the first kiss with anyone because I didn’t know what to expect; a year later, I enjoyed my first kiss with a guy who wasn’t serious, and that was fine by me. They both want me to meet a guy who they feel would be perfect for me, but they live in another state, and I haven’t thought about what a good time would be to visit. It’s weird that I cried after asking him when he’s going to marry his girlfriend (he intended to marry his first serious girlfriend, but she cheated. He wants to marry a best friend of whom he can trust). I feel that I just like the idea of him because he’s a good man per se, attractive, and someone I am able to converse with about personal matters. I have gotten over that statement of marriage because there’s other fish in the sea. I like that we have this distance, not only in miles, but by how often we converse through texting/talking. There will possibly always be a romantic interest of some sort between us, for the mere fact of attraction, and conversing. I just went through that short, unhappy faze because I knew that they’d be more likely to be married then the first serious relationship he was in. My story is different, and I just read, ‘my erotic destination theory of relationships,’ which initially made me think about the points that were made about settling. I have contemplated visiting the state they live in because his friend wants to settle.. Not a good look. I have shown interest by flirting or the way I converse with guys I’m not interested in, and I have learned how communication can cause a woman to be confused about things.. The second guy I kissed was in a relationship, I was initially attracted to him, he was kind of nerdy, but I was influenced by others saying I should go for it because they didn’t like his girlfriend, and she yelled at me for saying we were just friends, by not stating that I started to be curious about him as a romantic interest because my best friend and I weren’t conversing at the time. I don’t have alot of experience with men, and I like the idea of romance, but I’d be fearful of years spent being with the wrong type of man, and as a result, I have stated that I want to marry young. I don’t initially feel that way, I would like to marry a man whom will be my best friend, and be in a relationship with him for four or five years before we get married, and when we’re at the right time in our life, when we can settle down. I enjoy being single because I’m an introvert who needs space.

PS I have went off topic at times, but I have to go, so I’m not editing my comment. Lol.

Dear Pete,

I pray that you may come across a woman who shall love you as you are, and be there to spend the rest of her life with you. =)

Just don’t settle for less, and feel that you need to be with someone who your not in love with because I feel that a relationship where two people are in love first, will be a beautiful marriage.

I’d suggest that you delete the following sections, as you have stated the main points, and these details don’t need to be stated.

“I don’t even want to start naming them because I could go on for days! Ok ill just shut up and get to the point! Since a few weeks ago I have fallen all over again for you.. I simply can’t get you out of my head. I totally understand you don’t feel the same way.”

“I’ll never forget the way you laugh/talk/get mad.. and how you would pronounce my name.”

“.. yeah I lied when I said you’re not in the car.”

In the last sentence, “I hope you believe me when I say, I love you.”

Pete, you must hand in your man card for starters. Have you ever had a person act like that toward you? I have, and I tell you it drives you away from the person.
I am glad you cut it off though. Men and women can only be friends if they aren’t attracted to each other. That’s why it’s hard for hot chicks to have male friends, because most people are attracted to them. Now stop being friends with chicks. Why would you want to? It’s more fun to hang with guys. I like to hang with chicks when there is romance. Not just sex, but romance in general….relationship kinda stuff. Also, I completely lose interest immediately in a girl who isn’t interested in me. How can you maintain interest in her with reciprocation? Ask yourself..better yet…ask your shrink that.

Ok, so my best friend told me today that if I didn’t have a boyfriend he would ask me out, but I would probably say no. I told him that I was really caught off guard and that I hadn’t really thought about it. Now he wants to know if I would actually say no, and I’m freaking out because I honestly don’t know how I would react.

hey again,
amazing feedback! you guys got it right on the dot. I am taking all these good points and using them to help myself get over her. @Eaton. You said “Men and women can only be friends if they aren’t attracted to each other” i totally agree. I met this girl when i was 14-15 so i was a dumb little boy. I have never became friends with another girl. I have no problems getting females to sleep with me lol
I truly loved this girl from my heart. But i guess i can go back to my ways of just having fun
thanks again guys

@Tom You’re telling us that you prefer to sleep with SOME women you are physically attracted to, and not others? My brain is not programed that way. Mother nature in her infinite wisdom, did not program men to be friends with chicks they find attractive. This is too keep the race reproducing. We are SUPPOSED to feel this way.

@everybody.
A little off subject, but Annabegins above this post is the perfect example of why I would NEVER have a wife that has a “Rob” in her life. I’ve posted before that I don’t think married people should have friends of the opposite sex, great example. It could hurt your relationship, but never help it….so why do it?

Gabe, I agree with you. She’s in an emotional affair with the guy and crushing on him. She’s spending energy on him rather than fixing her current relationship, or finding a better one. The boyfriend is clueless as to what’s going on, or he’s too beta to put his foot down. Poor bastard.

The boyfriend needs to swallow the Red Pill.

Anna, why don’t you ask Rob what he thinks?

IT’S REALLY URGENT THAT HEAR FROM YOU ABOUT MY ISSUE WITH THIS. PLEASE READ AND EVALUATE IT BELOW.

i have been friends with a guy for like 7 years. ever since 2004 i
think. anyway, we became a little close when we first started
talking, but has was dating someone at the time. i understood, and
we kept on hanging out, being friends. as time progressed, my
feelings for him grew and grew. i was so excited, and so happy,
that i looked forward to seeing him everyday. by the way, we were
in high school then. but in early 2006, i told him how i felt, and he
said that he doesn’t think of me like that.

so that broke my heart. but i tried to move on, and i started dating
this other guy. we were together for 5 months. at that point, i
broke up with im because i realized that i still have feelings for my
friend. it just wasn’t going away. and so i managed to keep myself
busy until late 2006. that was when my friend started changing. let
me tell you.

he started coming around more. we would kinda lean against, or sit
on the railing in nice places, and talk alone. he wanted to catch up
and know everything about me that he missed. he was very
attentive. one time while we were hanging out in our spot, i came
up to him, and i immediately ran my fingers through his hair
without noticing that i had done it. and it was amazing how he
responded, because i didn’t expect him to do that either. he put his
hand on my waist, almost my hip a little, and he left it there. my
goodness, and at that point, i felt like i couldn’t breathe. then we
went on about our business.

then a few days passed, and i was hanging out in the same place
again. i saw him and i wanted to get his attention and so i whined a
little and he came to me. i was feeling vulnerable, and he came to
my rescue. i wanted to tell him how i felt, but i stayed quiet,
because i thought he still didn’t feel the same way. he stood right
there and he held me (yes girls!!) and i wanted to look him in his
eyes but i didn’t have the guts to. he was looking at me the whole
time. and then another day we were hanging out in the same spot
and we were just talking, and a guy he knew walked past, and he
said something along the lines of “hey i see you…” indicating that
something was going on between us, but it wasn’t (not that i
thought) and do you know, it did not bother my friend not one bit.

so anyway, as time passed, we saw eachother less and less. it was
because we had a talk a few more times, and then the last time, he
told me that he was dropping out of school. after that, i didn’t see
him anymore. i graduated high school, and in december 2007, we ran
up on each other in a local pawn shop. my heart lit up so much!!
he caught me by surprise, and he was like, “is that a good movie?”
or something to that effect. and i looked up, and my face lit up
along with it. we tried to talk, but we didn’t have much time. so
used what time we had. and again, like the last time in school, he
was very attentive, and wanted to know everything about me that
he had missed. but it was at that time that problems in my family
were starting to arise and getting worse. i had been blackballed
because i hadn’t gotten a job yet, etc.

anyway, we hugged and said goodbye. i thought i would see him
again soon, but the months passed. and as the months passed, so
did the years. i was still in love with him, and i’m in love with him
now, but the memory of him telling me that he didn’t feel the same
way, hurt me so much. and the fact that months later (almost a
year) after he told me that, he started acting different, in a good
way, made it so complicated for me. it made me think that he was
playing games with me, but i found out later that he wasn’t.

so what i did was take the advice from the person who wrote this
quote:(something along these lines)

“if u love someone, let them go, and set them free… and if it’s meant
to be then they’ll come back to you.”

and that’s exactly what i did. but not completely. so i kept myself
busy. trying to get a job, trying to get my life together, but things
kept getting worse. the more they did, the more i felt in my heart
that i needed to talk to him. i knew everytime we get together and
talk, i’d feel better. but i hadn’t seen him in years. so i thought i’d
never see him again. and so i tried to press on.

life got harder as more months progressed, and i fell into
depression, and i had a nervous breakdown. i was having seizures,
and blacking out, etc, and i didn’t know whether i was gonna live or
die. but around the end of 2009/early 2010, i had a dream that if i
didn’t do something about it and stand up and fight, that there
would probably be no more me to be around. and so i started
getting back to a relationship with GOD. it was off to a rocky start,
but everything turned out okay. i learned how to keep the stress
off, and i was beginning to get happy again.

fast forward to august 2011. the week before i got back in touch
with my friend. i was always always thinking about him. so i went
on facebook to look for more family n friends to stay in touch with.
my friends name came to mind, and i was like, “okay. i’mma type it,
and i’mma see what comes up. it’s not like he’s on here anyway.”
but i was so wrong when i saw him come up. i looked at his profile,
and his pics, and i was like, wow. is this him? no wait. it’s not him.
oh well. but then i looked again. and i was like, what? are u kidding
me? this is HIM? wow. he is gorgeous. and so i took a chance and
sent a friend request. i waited a day, but no response. he had
been logged on, but i got no response. i was a bit upset.

the next day, after i left a message, he leaves not 1, but 2 messages
on my page!! my heart once again lit up, along with my face, and i
could tell he was excited too!! his first message was, “what the
hell? i ain’t seen you in like a hundred million years!! lol girl, how u
been? ”

now the second message was him leaving a comment on a photo
album of my cats/kittens. he was like, “hey i got two cats, midnight
and shadow!!” and after that, i messaged him in the chat box, and i
said, “wanna chat? or do you have time?” and he said, “what up. of
course i have time!!”

and so we got started catching up right away. we talked for hours,
and hours. it was fun. i didn’t even know so much time past until
we got ready to say good night.

now listen carefully girls, cuz this is where the juicy stuff is gonna
start.

we talked about what each other missed, my stress issues, etc. and
what he had went through, his life in the streets, him turning his
life around, doing music, etc. and then what started as a talk about
this awful hot weather, quickly developed into one about being so
hot that i have to get naked, and then he agreed that he does the
same thing, and that he has to sleep naked sometimes. and then i
followed his lead by saying that sometimes i have to go around
topless in my room where no one can see me. and he says, yeah i
do that in my room too. i wouldn’t mind a lady lookin but a dude i
would run out and beat his a** – no pun intended. and i don’t
know exactly what it was, but i immediately typed this:

“it’s all good. so if i came over to your house you wouldn’t mind.
okay.”

and he said:
“i wouldn’t mind
i doubt u could handle it”. lol!!”

and i said:
“lol!! i was just teasing!! and don’t underestimate me. i could
handle it. in the other room. while i’m fanning myself… lol!!
oh wow!! lol! some more!!”

and he said:
see told you i might have to get you a glass of water lol!!
i used to look like a teen now i’m a man lol!!”

and i said that maybe i’d need some ice, and a wet towel. the that’s
when he said, “how wet you trying to get woman? lol”

and then it started to POP OFF after i said this:
“the towel is to wipe off the sweat. just chill. dammit!! u talking
bout me, what about seeing me nude? lets see about that!! i’ll
wait… ”

then he said something i’d never expect him to say.
“i think i could handle it for like 5 min (he paused) lol
then i’d go in attack mode”

we had never talked to each other like that, and so i was curious.
and it made me excited, in a obvious way. and so to check if he was
serious, i challenged (teased) him with:

why 5 min? you scared. lol!!

and he responded unpredictably again.
“just to take in the beauty of the nude body”

and then i said:
“aww…
speechless..”

and he said:
“for real. it is what it is.”

and another impulse answer came from me:
“well i ain’t mad at you.”

and he said:
“and that’s real.”

i didn’t know what to say except: “WOW”
and then he said “we need to stop”

and i told him that he was messing wit me, so i started messing wit
him. but he said that i was for real. but then he said, it ok, because
he was talking nasty too. then i asked him how did he know i was
serious. and he said he felt it and that it was like i was trying to tell
him somethin but i didn’t know how to say it. and i said like the
time i used to like you. when i said that, he was like for real after all
this time? and i said yeah. i told him that i had still have feelings for
him, and he said he was flattered.

now listen up girls if you are still reading. we got to talking some
more, and he told me he got out of a bad relationship. so that
means if somethin is brewing between us, i better wait until he is
ready and then ask how he feels about me.

anyway, we’ve been talking everyday since (august 8th 2011), and
after the first night of talking, i couldn’t sleep right because i
beginning to have naughty, kinky, and raw, and rugged fantasies
about my friend. and i thought to myself,
“dammit, he didn’t make it any better with those comments about
he would go in attack mode on me if he saw me naked, but after 5
min to look at how beautiful i look.”

my whole body ached. i’d rather not tell you what i saw, because it
is really inappropriate, but the naughty fantasies haven’t stopped
yet!! and yes, in case your wondering, a big part of my
vulnerability wants him to “attack me real good”. so everyday after
we’ve gotten back in touch, i’ve tried not to bring up the subject of
sex because i don’t want him to think that that’s all i think about,
even when i do think about it. and so now, since i said to not
underestimate me, he’s been real sharp at how i say things because
he’s gonna tend to take them from the gutter in a inappropriate
way.

and so at the end of the night, the first night we got back in touch,
as we were getting ready to say good night, he said, “aight boo be
safe.” my heart lit up again. but i was scared. was he playing games
with me? i thought. and so the next day, i went on his facebook
page to see if any other girls were being called that by him, and
nothing. but of course who knew with the chatbox, but i got
another sign. one of his friends that was a girl was asking, “hey
how come you don’t IM me no more?” so he was, but now since i’m
in the picture, he’s focusing on me more, and focusing on us now. but
every now n then i check to see how everything is going you
know. it’s like i know i don’t have to worry about them girls he talk
to cuz they’re just friends, but it does cross my mind a bit. i know
he isn’t like that because when we first met he was with someone
and he would talk to me a lot, and he never did anything
disrespectful. but she was the one who was jealous.

now to the the part my heart has been asking me since we got back
in touch. and so now, almost all we talk about is being alone
together. A LOT. we’ve even talked about taking a road trip
together, and even watching movies in his room alone. sometimes
we start off with it, and sometimes it’s in the middle of our
conversation. but it’s definitely there. and so i’ve brung up some
stuff we can do (he doesnt like everything, but he’s open to a lot of
other things) that kinda seems like couple stuff. i brought up
getting a bite to eat at the mall while we chat it up, going to the
photo booth and taking pics, like siamese twins. and then i brought
up the infamous standing up and putting my arms around him so i
don’t fall. and do you know that with almost all of the ideas we
discussed he didn’t reject them? i was like wow. i can’t believe this.
this would of never happened back in the day, but now he seems
so different. and he remembers little small but sweet things about me.
he gave a compliment, actually more than one. he supports my dreams just like i do with him. we trust each other. we trust each other. and when we’re
talking online , which is all we’ve got right now, i wait for him when
he has to go to the store, run errands, etc, and recently he
introduced me to his sis, and she approves of me. wow. did NOT
see that coming. (smiling a lot) that’s another family member of his i’ve been
introduced to over the years (except for the time that we didn’t see
each other after december 2007 til now). and i wanted to ask his sis
how he felt about me, but he said she would be going back to
school, and would be back home (in another place) there to finish
school.

plus, when he mentioned that his cousin is working on getting him a record deal, after i of course told him that i support him, do what i could to help him out, the next day i asked him a very important question. “if you get this record deal, and i hope you do… and you have to move away, how are we goign to stay in touch and see each other?”

and by his answer, i could tell he didn’t want me to worry about that. so he said,
“money can make that possible, but we ain’t lose touch no more. no worries”

i was so relieved. plus that also means he wants me to stay around for the long haul, and i’m hoping for good. he said he would come see me but he doesn’t have a car anymore, but he could ask his cousin and give him gas money so he can come see me as soon as we pick a day where we’re both available. plus, when i get myself a car, i’m gonna go see him anyway, at his place. and vice versa if my parents allow it. i’m 22 and he’s 23 ( i think). we’ve known each other since we were 16.

anyway, here’s the thing. i want to tell him how i feel so badly, i let it slip
one night but it was “luv u” during the time he was mad, because
he was talking about overdosing and he said he needed to blow off
some steam and that he’d talk to me later, and i was afraid he was
going to do something to hurt himself.

since we’ve crossed the line and we’ve talked about getting naked,
and seeing each other that way, and about having sex with each
other (not to mention liking it a lot) , and we’ve got it all in one
package for friendship but something more has started to simmer,
should i wait for him, be supportive, and talk to him about it when
he’s not going through so much? because i don’t think it’s the right
time.

plus, i tried a little something on him last night. i asked him about
us, but in 3rd and 4th person, and he said, “well she should tell
him, rather than beat herself up about it. they both fools cause
they got it right in front of them. they got gold but they lookin for
silver.”

ugh! there you go!! that’s us!! i’m hoping it is!! he hasn’t put it all
together yet though. i just really need to hurry up, because some
other girl just said what i KNOW i feel about him. and i don’t know
how he would respond to that. but i do know he ain’t paid her
much attention through the chat box since i been back in his life.

oh i don’t know what to do. he was talking to her, and then he
drops everything because of me? does he really care? is there even
a possibility that he may like me too? he’s been giving me hints
too.

even though he’s taking care of a family member, going to school
for his GED (i don’t care i love him anyway), doing his music 3 to 4
nights a week, he still manages to squeeze me in and so we can
spend as much time together as we can. hell, even when he’s
recording songs, he tries to balance his work and spending time
talking to me. and if i’m not mistaken, it’s a good thing when a man
makes time to spend with u no matter what. i be telling him i can
wait until he’s done with work but he says, it’s doesn’t matter
because i’ll be near my computer and i’ll hear a sound if i message
him. and yet he does the same for me too. i told him i was doing
some time-consuming work last night, but i didn’t want to do it too
much becuz it would take up too much time from us talking, and he
said “i’ll wait until you’re done.” so so sweet. i can’t believe this. i
told him that i’d do it later, but he insisted, and i said no, i don’t
want to take time from us. and so he said okay. but the thing is, it
was 11pm, close to midnight, and he was willing to wait for me to
write a long article, which by the way is this one right here, and i
found it so sweet and thoughtful.

ooooh i just wanted to kiss him right then. i should of told him that.
maybe i should. he said tommorrow is not promised, when i was
trying to tell him something else. so i’mma try and make sure i tell him
everything that i can. i don’t want to miss out, especially because i
don’t know how he feels about me this time around. plus he says
he’s focused on himself “quote” married to himself recently.

sorry this was such a long letter, but i really need your help on
this. what do you think?

Can men and women maintain platonic friendships? Of course! However the important question is why would you want to? A romantic or even a simply sexual relationship is always better than a platonic friendship. ALWAYS. If a woman says she is only interested in a platonic friendship with me but she is attracted to me, and not currently in a relationship then she becomes dead to me. Life is too short to waste the potential fun of an amazing time in bed, and it will never really ruin your friendship unless you’re too weak and let it.

Left with Questions,

I’ll keep it short also. You are disrepecting your friend by not listening to his very clear message that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. If you really care for him I don’t know why you want to subject him to your commitment issues (whatever those may be) for a second time.

“I can’t get it through his head that I see no other guys who are better. I just want him to see how much I really care for him.”

I don’t view this angle as a altruistic enterprise. It sounds more like you want to manipulate him to give you what you want, without listening to what he’s saying about what he wants (or doesn’t want).

If you love somebody set them free.

So this is a bit of a rambling story, so bear with me…
About a year ago, I met this guy (we are co-workers). He was dating someone pretty seriously and we were simply friends. We would text at night from time to time and talk at work and that was about it. A few months into our friendship he told me that he adored me. I explained to him that while I felt the same way about him, I didn’t think it was fair to him, his gf, or me that we be talking like this so we remained friendly at work, and I tried to move past him.

Fast forward about a month to Christmas. I was visiting my family out of town when he texted me to tell me that he wanted to slow things down with his gf. He told me that he would be miserable without me in his life. I told him that I felt the same way, but that I wanted him to be happy. He decided to slow things down with his gf in a major way and they finally broke up in March. (In a way I was relieved, they had been fighting a lot and it hurt to always have to comfort him and support him in wanting to make things work with her.)

A few weeks later, he told me that he thought the two of us were meant to be close friends and he abruptly pulled away. It hurt a lot, but I didn’t know what to do other than just let him go.

Fast forward two months…I was able to take a few months off work to visit family. We said goodbye to each other and knew that we would both miss each other but left things at that. After a month, he called me out of the blue. For the next two months we talked every night before we went to bed. Sometimes the conversations were serious. Sometimes they were light-hearted. He began to tell me that he loved me, and I realized that I felt the same way.He told me that at one point he was casually dating someone and that he felt it was only fair that he told me that. He told me that he didn’t think it was going to work out and that he wanted to keep talking to me.

About a week ago, he asked me if all we were ever meant to be was friends would I be ok with it. I told him that I didn’t know. I told him that I had grown so close to him in the past year…he truly has become my best friend…and that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go back to being “normal” friends. He has pulled away again, and I haven’t fought it as much as I miss him.

I am just so confused as to why it seems like we are on this roller coaster of a relationship. I care so much about him and want him to be happy. At the same time, it hurts to have him push away. I don’t want to give up hope that things just are meant to be between us, but at the same time, I feel that maybe I should just let go and try to heal my heart.

hi1can you please help me about this?

My guy best friend kissed me. what does it mean?

I think it’s wrong. Relationships should start on a romantic or friendly note, and remain that way. To have a sexual relationship with someone who is considered a “friend”, is downright creepy. Do you see how you’ve complicated your life by having male friends?? Be romantic with men, ….be friends with women, simple.
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If he has sex with you, it may mean nothing. Many guys will have sex with Medusa if given the chance. If he was genuinely interested, he would have made a bold move by now. If he hasn’t, ask yourself if you’re ready for a longterm commitment with a man lacking confidence, direction, and initiative in life? Some people are, and there’s nothing wrong with it. (LOL, I believe I posted before how I look for women of average intelligence, it attracts me. Intelligence isn’t a choice, and women who are intellectually challenged deserve love also. I am here for them.)
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I hope you, and other women can learn from these posts. Stay cordial, but distance yourself from dude. You deserve romance, not complicated nonsense. Best of luck.

Hi I would just like to share my story regarding my feelings for my bestfriend. We started as acquaintance. We were batchmates when we were in college. He’s a very good looking guy but i cant say i was attracted to him because he is so overconfident because of his looks. And most of our batchmates especially boys hates him for that.

We were groupmates along with my other girl bestfriend for our research class. We spend most time together, sleep over to our friend’s house, talks about our research paper and talks about our lives (love life). I was able to get to know him better. He is not just looks he has a big heart too. And i pity him because many doesn’t have a chance to see that. There  came a time, we talked in private, he shared his secrets to me, his ex gf and his past which is a bad past. As time goes by, we became closer. And in the middle of our research making, he told everyone in our group that if ever she will have his next gf, he wants it to be just like me. I laughed and said, if i will have my first boyfriend, it would definitely not be you. I was just thinking that i might be one of his girls and i was thinking that he is not yet over with his ex gf. But he was persistent. He shows care and makes me different from other girls. I confronted him about this. I told him i cant be in a relationship until i graduate from college and informed him that my father will get me bald if i enter into a relationship. He laugh. My feelings for gets stronger everyday. He always text me and call me. And he had decided one day to come to our house to finally ask for my father’s approval for having date with him and possibly having a relationship with him. My father was amazed of what he did and he taught that he was different from other guys. He taught he was serious about it and respects me as well as my family. That was the start of our happy moments. We hang out together, share secrets, he introduced me to his friends and churchmates. We’re just happy together. It’s been more than 2 months of dating but i had never said yes. He’s asking but i always say i cant decide yet because I was afraid I will be hurt knowing about his attitude about girls. But i know he knew that i already love him.

There came a time he went out of town with his churchmates. we were constantly texting and updating each other about our happenings. Until one day, we went out and i’ve noticed it was never like before. and finally, he said he still thinks of his ex gf and she liked one of his friends when they had a convention. My heart was really broken and  pretended that i was fine. I said its ok, i didnt like you that much. After that, he texted me and called me to say sorry and he asked me if we could be bestfriends. He also mentoned that at that moment, he cant distinguish what he really felt for me. I agreed to be his bestfriend although it really hurts. All i want is still to be in contact with him. To care for him. not totally cutting the communication.

From then on, we became closer than before but i can see awkwardness between the two of us is always there. If he likes someone, he tells me about it.  And the most hard part is he want me to be with him when fetching his gf. I was so stupid to say yes. while waiting for her gf, he got impatient and he decided to leave her gf. and i told him no, lets wait. because i know how that feels. her gf will be hurt. So we waited and at the gf appeared. They were walking together, i was just behind them pretending to be busy texting someone. I’ve noticed that he keeps on looking behind trying to check me. The unforgettable part here is, we were about to cross the street, i was behind and he said”hey come here, holds my shoulders and we walked together. leaving his girlfriend alone crossing the street because he opted to wait for me. i felt bad for her gf and told him he should have not done that. he said, he was unconscious doing that. they fought after that. and eventually broke up.

He was broken-hearted and would like to find another girl. becuase it seems that he cant live without a gf. He easily falls in love but as fast as lightning to fall out of love. That’s the bad thing about him.

He decided not to court anyone. So most of the time, we were together. As time goes by, i can really see and feel that he still loves me. He wanted to spend more time with me. And there was a time, he planned a 1 day vacation for both of us. He fetch me at home early in the morning, we went to their house. i was surprised seeing his Dad awake as early as 4am. His dad mentioned, he woke me up to prepare all these things and smiled. And i was speechless. There was a breakfast, and everything was already prepared. We will go to beach together. We were really happy that time, while i was holding him on his waist because we were on a motorcycle, he constantly holds my hand. That was the most sweet and happy moment of my life.I really knew i love him. And then he said he loves me. I was about to say i love u too but the words that came into my mouth were “we’re bestfriends let’s keep it that way”. I knew i broke his heart. After that i left and moved to another place to work.

He wants me back and he wants me to work in our place. I said no. i need to move out to my comfort zone. Behind my mind is I want to be with you but i need to explore, meet new people and test myself if i will forget you. I went to have a date, i was happy but at the end of the day, he was still the one i think of and pray for. Until i decided to try getting into a relationship. I had my first boyfriend. He was really nice and loves me so much. I love him too but unfortunately, not as much as he does. We finally ended our relationship. I went back home, and finally met again my bestfriend.

His other friends told me that even if my bestfriend has his gf, he still thinks of me and cares for me. They also said that I make him confuse about his feelings for his past girlfriends. Even if his gfs gets jealous he still wants to be with me. and he oftentimes talks good things about me. That his family and friends likes me for him.

We talked, he had a gf when i was away. That’s expected. lol. Unfortunately, broke up too. So we were both singles and now. As of now, he’s always texting me, wants to spend time with me. He text me everyday asking me out, but i always rejected pretending to be busy. After 2 weeks of rejecting his offer, i finally said yes. We went to his house with his other friend. We cooked together, talked about our plans, and us. He said he will truly miss me because i will be again away to work abroad. he also said, he still has feelings for me, it was always there. if he sees me, there’s still a different emotion. and he also said, he quit courting me before when we were in college because i was just so special. he doesn’t want to hurt me. He knew he was impulsive with regards to his emotions. He doesn’t want me to be just like those girls he had easily fallen in love with but had fallen out of love. He said, he’s been constantly studying his emotions for me making it sure it was love. And he said. it was love he knew it. It was there always. And my response is ” Dont say that, i wont believe anyway. I was hurt by u once. I cant afford to be hurt again. this will just complicate things and i dont wanna lose you. He said. ‘that’s the point, i dont wanna lose you. I’m not asking you to be my gf now because i know you wont believe everything. All i can say is wait because if i will marry soon, i want it to be you. and i knew it will be you. I will wait. And if we were destined, even if we are away from each other, God will find a way for us to meet again. And i said: such nice words but i will just believe it once it’s already there.. let’s see  Thank you for reading.

@susan: Yes. That’s true. We’ll see if he’s still there Thank you so much! This is a great avenue for people who are inlove. Cheers. Thank you. More Power!