Learning to Speak Hookup: Guys’ Edition
As I wrote in Learning to Speak Hookup: A Pocket Phrasebook, the vocabulary surrounding the navigation of sex and relationships has become nearly incomprehensible. In the Hookup language, there are many irregularities and exceptions to the rule. It’s also heavily dependent on context. With so much misunderstanding, young people spend a great deal of time at cross-purposes.
The first post highlighted 30 phrases often uttered by guys, analyzed for their real meaning. Today I bring you 30 phrases you may hear from girls. Here’s what she is really trying to tell you:
1. Oh, yeah, no, I agree! I’m not looking to be in a relationship either!
I am really into you, I think that you would make an awesome boyfriend. I’m willing to risk disappointment and humiliation later to keep this going now.
2. You are the sweetest, most precious boy I have ever met.
I would totally approve if you were to date one of my friends. Me? What? No, um, I don’t think of you that way.
3. I don’t think we should hook up, because our friendship is really important to me.
I do not want to see your penis.
4. I’m really attracted to you, but I worry about ruining our friendship.
I’m tempted, but I know that once that penis comes out to play, things will never be the same between us. You could reassure (and persuade) me by telling me how you feel about me, and that we owe it to ourselves to explore this.
5. Actually, we’re going over to __________’s to pregame, but maybe I’ll see you out later.
You are low priority. If you see me later, it will be purely coincidental.
6. I have to go to ____________’s first, but I’ll call you when we’re leaving there, and maybe we can meet up?
I can’t redirect my friends right away, but I will finagle it so that we’ll join up with you later because I really want to see you.
7. How close are you and _________ (guy)?
Your friend is acting super shady with me, he’s definitely trying to get in there.
8. You have nice hands. (or hair, or smile, or eyes, etc.)
I could really fall for you. I am definitely feeling it.
9. Um, no thanks, I’m going to sleep now.
I don’t do booty calls at 3am, Asshole. OR You got your signals crossed if you thought that you were the person I was hoping to hear from.
10. What’s up? You seem different.
It’s obvious that you’re losing interest. But you owe it to me to tell me straight out.
11. No drama, I promise.
Sucker. Women process emotions = DRAMA.
12. You don’t need to worry, __________ and I are just friends.
But if you sense a vibe, you’re probably not imagining it. Is he giving me something you’re not?
13. Let’s split the check.
The offer is sincere, and I’m happy to pay my share in a relationship, but I’ll hold it against you forever if it’s our first time out.
14. You’re funny.
You are charming the pants off me.
15. It’s complicated with my ex.
I can only be into one guy at a time, so if it’s complicated with my ex, I’m still into him to the point that I can’t be into you.
16. I really don’t want to be messed with.
I am so tired of being dicked around by guys. If you mess with me, I will go psycho on you.
17. Um, you can stop now, it’s fine.
I’m not going to come. Not with you, not tonight. What you’re doing is starting to hurt, plus I’m bored.
18. Don’t worry about it. I know it happens to every guy at some point.
OMG, you saw me naked and then you went limp! You find me repulsive!
19. Who is that girl?
I have definitely picked up on something between you. She is an adversary, and I already sense that she’s winning. So fess up.
20. What are we doing? OR What do you want from me?
Roll up your sleeves, and get ready for THE TALK. I want to be your girlfriend. And I’m hoping you want that too.
21. You smell good.
Tingling has begun. Let’s go.
22. I don’t have sex with someone I’m not dating.
No, this is not a ploy to get you into a relationship. I’m happy to keep it platonic. Just don’t try to guilt me or pressure me into having sex. I don’t owe you anything.
23. Nothing is wrong.
I don’t know why this is so hard, but it is frightening to tell you what is bothering me. I worry that if I am upset about something you will think that I’m high maintenance. Which I’m not!
24. That’s ridiculous, I am not trying to make you jealous.
Haha, you’re jealous. Just wanted to make sure I still had that power.
25. If you ever cheat on me, we’re done.
Cheating includes spooning platonically, spending the night in another girl’s bed for any reason, making out with someone else when we’re in a fight, or any of the other lame things you think you can pull. If I wouldn’t be happy to hear about it, it’s cheating. Don’t let your conscience be your guide.
26. I don’t usually do this.
I want you to think well of me. I really am not a big fan of casual sex, but you are irresistible right now. My reputation will either confirm or deny this.
27. I’ve got a cold, I don’t really feel like going out tonight.
If you want to be my guy, you will offer to come keep me company and watch a movie. If you offer to “take your chances” and make out with me, you will earn 1,000,000 bonus points.
28. You are such a player, no way am I getting mixed up with you!
I am such an idiot and a pushover that if you tell me this is different, I will readily believe you.
29. So what did you do all day?
Do not say nothing, not much, slept or played video games. Lazy guys, i.e. no ambition, are such a turnoff, so don’t let me even suspect if you’re a slacker.
30. Hey, got your text earlier today. What’s up?
I am not interested, but I am marginally polite.
I hope this is helpful in clueing you in to the way chicks think. Hey chicks: what did I leave out?
I think Decoybetty offered the best possible solution to all this cross-gender miscommunication. Don’t waste your time learning to speak Hookup. Try becoming more fluent at Relationship instead.
Related posts:
Thanks for the shout-out, Susan! Although I am sure the best possible solution would to be just say what one means – but let's be real, whose going to do that?
I kind of hate all the high maintenance worry. We're all high maintenance. It's not like a relationship is some plant that doesn't need water, weeding, pruning, perfect sun…Every single person is high maintenance. I think guys just use that as an excuse for not a. being into the girl enough to put in the effort or b. wanting a relationship at all…I wish we could just say that you know?
I'm paranoid about being high maintenance – but I know I am. I have more food allergies than anyone I know. I am picky and I have a lot of anxiety – no need to form a line fellas, I'm taken. But the guy who is into me says this is the easiest, most low maintenance relationship he's ever been in…wha?
Hm, I guess that was kind of a tangent. I'd agree with most of those…although I can't say I've used any of them…except 2 – but the boy I say it to is like the little brother I never had…he is the most precious sweetest kid ever.
Haha, I'm cracking up about guys forming a line. You're right, we are all high maintenance, but when we fall for someone, maintaining their happiness doesn't feel like work. It's easy, it's fun, and the rewards are huge. I think guys do tend to claim that women create drama, but I would say drama is only a bad thing when it's unnecessary. Otherwise, it's part of the normal flow of a real relationship. And it settles down over time.
Yeah, in my mind, the high-maintenance thing falls in the same category as the psycho bitch thing, which we talked about a couple of months ago. Sure, some girls are high-maintenance (or psycho, and I'm sure there's plenty of overlap between those two groups). But most girls who are accused of either thing are simply being slandered by guys who, if you'll forgive the cliche, just aren't that into them. So in another example of hookup speak, “she's so high-maintenance” often (but not always) means “she has entirely reasonable expectations that I consistently fail to meet because I don't really care about her” — just as “she's psycho” often (but not always) means “she has a valid complaint about our relationship and I'm trying to dismiss it by attacking her, because I don't want to admit it.”
Perhaps I'm biased by my own experiences, but I also know a LOT of girls who've been branded as high-maintenance or psycho (or clingy, or needy, or whatever), but I can count on one hand the number of girls I know who actually *are* those things.
angharad, I agree. Women worry about being branded with these labels, even though they know it's a cheap shot. The other thing I often hear is that guys like/put up with “psycho” women because they are amazing in bed. As if emotional instability was a requirement for good sex.
On the other hand, I think there's a spectrum of neediness vs. independence, stability vs. volatility, etc. People fall everywhere within the spectrum, with most inside the bell curve. If a man or a woman is drawn to a needy, volatile mate, they would do well to look internally rather than cast aspersions.
Uhmm.. i think the 'nothing is wrong' (no. 23) also accounts for 'you SHOULD know what's wrong, i shouldn't have to explain to you that what you did was not cool'. I think this passive-agressiveness is very counterproductive for women, since guys are pretty bad at realizing when/why certain small things bother us and we don't say exactly why we're acting weird/mad/distant we end up being “bitchy for no reason” instead of teling them politely but clearly what bothered us. If he thinks or says you're high maitainance because of that, he's either NOT that into you or he's not very mature himself.
Good point! In fact, that's more common than the translation I gave. It's a stubbornness and petulance that women indulge in. They could save so much time if they just spoke up. The whole point of this post is that women and men speak different languages – it's the Mars vs. Venus thing. I know that guys find it very frustrating when they have to guess what a woman is thinking. It's like being called on in class when you have no idea what the answer is!
I know this is off topic but I thought I would let you know about this book I just found. It is by Steve Santagoti and it's called The Manual:A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate–and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top
Hey, Cindy, thanks for leaving a comment! I LOVE THAT BOOK! I found it charming and very useful – I sent a copy to my daughter at college, and she and her friends all loved it too. The funny thing was, every time a guy came by, he noticed the book on her shelf and asked, “Hey, what's this MANual?” She would always say, “Oh, just a novel,” and hope they wouldn't pull it off the shelf. One guy finally did and teased her mercilessly, haha.
Decoybetty said it best. Just say what you mean!! I find that the older I get the less bullshit I can tolerate. And let me tell you, some guys do not like this. They say they want a girl to just tell them exactly what is on her mind, but some of them truly cannot handle it. Don't ask me what is wrong if you really don't want to here the answer. I'm not the girl that is just going to answer “Nothing” or “Everything is fine!”
Communication really is a lost art, and I for one want to quit the exhausting task of trying to read between the lines! I can't really have a good time with you if I am spending the entire night trying to figure out what you are “really” saying!!
Rebekah, you always speak with the wisdom of experience, and it's great for the young women in college or their 20s to hear it. It really is exhausting trying to read someone else's mind. I have never been good with subtext, even with my women friends. I do much better with people who are direct and forthright.
No, it's far worse & more confusing than anyone can imagine. I detail below, [inside the brackets]:(Forgive the cruder translations here too):
1. Oh, yeah, no, I agree! I’m not looking to be in a relationship either!
I am really into you, I think that you would make an awesome boyfriend. I’m willing to risk disappointment and humiliation later to keep this going now.
[b.) Or I'm really horny right now & I just need some. c.) BF #3 left for SF yesterday & I've been w/o for about 48 hrs now, and I've got an itch to scratch & you'll do just fine.]
2. You are the sweetest, most precious boy I have ever met.
I would totally approve if you were to date one of my friends. Me? What? No, um, I don’t think of you that way.
[You will Never Ever get any off of me or my friends. Especially if we're still sentient & conscious! But we like talking to you & wasting your time! It's so pathetic, it's amusing, you know?]
3. I don’t think we should hook up, because our friendship is really important to me.
I do not want to see your penis. [See #2. Does not really value your friendship, and may not even know your name, actually!]
4. I’m really attracted to you, but I worry about ruining our friendship.
I’m tempted, but I know that once that penis comes out to play, things will never be the same between us. You could reassure (and persuade) me by telling me how you feel about me, and that we owe it to ourselves to explore this.
[See # 2-3, but there's some minor possibility that if you liquor me up good or get me some really good weed? You might be able to score some minor something or other...]
5. Actually, we’re going over to __________’s to pregame, but maybe I’ll see you out later.
You are low priority. If you see me later, it will be purely coincidental.
[Maybe I'll be screwing __________ when we/you get done, if you want to watch? Bring the vid camera too. I want to keep it for posterity/my webcam site!]
6. I have to go to ____________’s first, but I’ll call you when we’re leaving there, and maybe we can meet up?
I can’t redirect my friends right away, but I will finagle it so that we’ll join up with you later because I really want to see you.
[Maybe & maybes. You'll be # 2-3 on the night. I hope you're fine with that. But make certain you've got some wine on ice & have scored some of that bitching weed, eh?]
7. How close are you and _________ (guy)?
Your friend is acting super shady with me, he’s definitely trying to get in there.
[He looks super cute, could you introduce me to him maybe?]
8. You have nice hands. (or hair, or smile, or eyes, etc.)
I could really fall for you. I am definitely feeling it.
[Momma always told me to compliment the guys on something, and I'm reaching for it here cowboy. You're obviously dumb as a box of rocks, but you're cute after a few beers and I want to take you home & molest you perhaps. If you play your cards right, and keep on buying my drinks].
9. Um, no thanks, I’m going to sleep now.
I don’t do booty calls at 3am, Asshole. OR You got your signals crossed if you thought that you were the person I was hoping to hear from.
[You've certainly over-served me on the night chum, but I'm still not feeling it. Sorry!]
10. What’s up? You seem different.
It’s obvious that you’re losing interest. But you owe it to me to tell me straight out.
[This could be 100's of wildly different things, or events, and interpretations of thoughts or expressions. Many of them dangerous to deadly. It's like looking down a mine field and realizing suddenly that the map you've got is not only out of date, and it's written in Greek for the French army contingent. And there's no translator in sight, and you've got to cross in the dark. Alone. Good luck kid!]
11. No drama, I promise.
Sucker. Women process emotions = DRAMA.
[Plenty of drama in the offing, but she's really horny. So ignore this at your peril, and prepare to disappear (SOP) for a few weeks afterward to avoid such possibilities].
12. You don’t need to worry, __________ and I are just friends.
But if you sense a vibe, you’re probably not imagining it. Is he giving me something you’re not?
[He's my ever reliable FWB #2, and one of my steadies, but we're really not too serious. Sure I tell him everything about us, but he's 'Bi' you know, and only 'minorly' attracted to me, and hence no real rival to what we hope to share, right?]
13. Let’s split the check.
The offer is sincere, and I’m happy to pay my share in a relationship, but I’ll hold it against you forever if it’s our first time out.
[If the offer is truly sincere? She's one step up to 'golden status' for any guy with a brain. And if she seemingly does Not hold a 'grudge' or not a serious one about this? She could & should be considered strongly as your immediate 'steady'. That's how relatively rare it is!]
14. You’re funny.
You are charming the pants off me.
[I'm distracted and I can't think of much to say here. Switch topics before I put you in the sweet 'funny guy' category and I don't even contemplate anything to do with sex with you.]
15. It’s complicated with my ex.
I can only be into one guy at a time, so if it’s complicated with my ex, I’m still into him to the point that I can’t be into you.
[I'm still banging him and we amicably share custody of our 2 toddlers. I'll introduce you sometime if you make it to date 2-3, but only if I know you might be willing to front for the missing alimony/child care payments I'm not getting from him].
16. I really don’t want to be messed with.
I am so tired of being dicked around by guys. If you mess with me, I will go psycho on you.
[Same, and I'm really into girls now.]
17. Um, you can stop now, it’s fine.
I’m not going to come. Not with you, not tonight. What you’re doing is starting to hurt, plus I’m bored.
[If you were a bit more knowledgeable or more comfortable I'll tell you to go for the vibe in the side night table, but my strap on's also right on top there, and it would lead to too many questions, so quit it quietly & just hold me some. When you're gone in 10-15 min., I'll finish up myself, or call in one of my suite mates to come join me].
18. Don’t worry about it. I know it happens to every guy at some point.
OMG, you saw me naked and then you went limp! You find me repulsive!
[Why can't you score some decent pharmaceuticals like all the old dudes I bang?]
19. Who is that girl?
I have definitely picked up on something between you. She is an adversary, and I already sense that she’s winning. So fess up.
[Same & no good answer here either! See # 10.]
20. What are we doing? OR What do you want from me?
Roll up your sleeves, and get ready for THE TALK. I want to be your girlfriend. And I’m hoping you want that too.
[Danger ! RUN, Will Robinson!! Extract yourself as quietly & efficiently as possible & possibly disappear for a few weeks too. Especially if you're really not ready for 'the talk'. For most guys? That day will come a few scant hours before he's married. Or he suddenly realizes that he's now looking down the barrel of a marriage proposal he can not refuse. Almost Never a good sign. That it needed to be said aloud, and that it was!]
21. You smell good.
Tingling has begun. Let’s go.
[You finally showered & shaved you cave man you! Quick, clean off your damn bed stupid, we're going to have some fun!]
22. I don’t have sex with someone I’m not dating.
No, this is not a ploy to get you into a relationship. I’m happy to keep it platonic. Just don’t try to guilt me or pressure me into having sex. I don’t owe you anything.
[I normally don't really do 'sex' per se. A BJ perhaps for those 'extra special' really Hot good looking dudes who'll spring for regular dinners, but you Big Boy? You're not in my league. Or in daddy's Frat/country club/income class potential. And until you prove otherwise? We're going nowhere. Sorry shorty!]
23. Nothing is wrong.
I don’t know why this is so hard, but it is frightening to tell you what is bothering me. I worry that if I am upset about something you will think that I’m high maintenance. Which I’m not!
[Yet Another Danger Will Robinson! ESCAPE now before she blows. You've got T minus 30 sec. typically too. Never good to hear, and almost never ways to resolve the issue/problem 'simply' or 'cleanly'. Not w/o spending much more time & money than imagined either! See also No.#'s 10 & 20].
24. That’s ridiculous, I am not trying to make you jealous.
Haha, you’re jealous. Just wanted to make sure I still had that power.
[Same. And yes, you really should be feeling it bud! I've been banging that delicious bit of man meat for weeks. It's about time you woke up and finally noticed! Whatcha going to do about it, huh?]
25. If you ever cheat on me, we’re done.
Cheating includes spooning platonically, spending the night in another girl’s bed for any reason, making out with someone else when we’re in a fight, or any of the other lame things you think you can pull. If I wouldn’t be happy to hear about it, it’s cheating. Don’t let your conscience be your guide.
[My last BF's all had their balls on leashes too, get used to it! You'll hardly notice after awhile.]
26. I don’t usually do this.
I want you to think well of me. I really am not a big fan of casual sex, but you are irresistible right now. My reputation will either confirm or deny this.
[Until the 2nd date, unless I'm really horny like Right Now! So consider it your lucky day! And yeah, I don't care who knows this either. Geesh, you got my name from someone right?]
27. I’ve got a cold, I don’t really feel like going out tonight.
If you want to be my guy, you will offer to come keep me company and watch a movie. If you offer to “take your chances” and make out with me, you will earn 1,000,000 bonus points.
[Perhaps, but I might still think of you as a 'pussy' for hanging out with me & my girls all night too. You'll be automatically removed from the 'possible hook-up' list for being 'too nice'. Points or no points. But I might even bring you chicken soup too when you get sick next week with this same crud I've been giving everyone else!]
28. You are such a player, no way am I getting mixed up with you!
I am such an idiot and a pushover that if you tell me this is different, I will readily believe you.
[Yes, it's still a better than 50-50 chance that I'll still hook up with you, depending on the state of your game & my state of intoxication of the moment.]
29. So what did you do all day?
Do not say nothing, not much, slept or played video games. Lazy guys, i.e. no ambition, are such a turnoff, so don’t let me even suspect if you’re a slacker.
[Again, no real good answer to this usually, {unless you're already married} and it could easily be another version of the old No. 10& 20 answer here.]
30. Hey, got your text earlier today. What’s up?
I am not interested, but I am marginally polite.
[Pretty ambiguous, but the mere fact that she actually answered & on a timely basis? Says that there's some hope here still!].
I know, crass, rude and cynical interpretations of life as I see it swirling all around me! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
Sigh. More finger pointing at women. I thought I was fair-minded here – I don't know where you all meet these devious and manipulative hoes. Not on this site, that's for sure!
I did like a few of these:
12, 13, 17, 21, and 28 are all right on.
Fair, enough perhaps. But most of these I've heard many of these as either scenarios from friends, directly experienced them myself, over heard in conversations, or (more rarely) read of them off of blogs as they described it. (The latter category being the few minor ones, but the 'illness' scenario was actually one of those. That instance turned out quite well for the 'average Beta normal' but otherwise very caring Boston bloke, but the disease was a rather serious bout a cute co-worker was fighting off with necrotizing fasciitis or something close to it in dramatic peril & long recovery).
For the record, many of these things have never to my knowledge been uttered by the wife. She's rarely even made the mistake of asking me periodically 'what are you thinking about?' And I'll give my standard 'Oh a dozen or so things'. Early on she was given to saying 'OK, what then?' And yes, I was thinking of ole Leo Szilard and whatever happened to that old house at 6042 South Kimbark Avenue in Chicago? What was really wrong with Paul Erdős? And what was it with all those Hungarians during the interwar period & immediate afterwards? Why the hell did the town cut down so many damn trees around the old courthouse? Doesn’t anyone pay much attention to tempo markings on the music anymore? Allegro vivace is not just a gaming language and it ain't a quick step march either! Say, does that sound like Dell & the Boys coming from that car? 'Dawn in the Arctic. Diamonds then & now. Scarcely 100 years since exploration and now all too soon, shot to hell & lost to the seas. Benton's Dream & Sodom Laurel. The twilight of the middle ages. There was a 'test bed' Before CV-1, right? They recovered the Ely by hand several times on the Pennsy? And they found the ZR-3?? Will they ever make a decent 'Led/CFL's that will actually look as good as incandescents do for & in pictures? Would O. Winston Link think so? Politics…politics… trailing drivel… She knows better now. And I frequently interrupt my thoughts to tell her she looks swell. And the world's shot to hell now…
But well I recall making my date laugh so hard she had to pee. And she was still ogling the cute guy serving the next door table. I can't tell you how unimpressed some women are by humor. Or intelligence. Or 'high IQ''s. Or even being knowledgeable about various/many topics. Or especially by 'caring' & 'nice' or 'respectful'. My wife was literally the first woman to find all that attractive in me. It's part of the reasons we're married, and why she still puts up with me, I guess! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
Hahaha, VJ, you are a Renaissance man, in the mold of Lorenzo de Medici (this I know from my recent trip to Florence). Re humor and women, I KNOW for a fact that the funny dudes do well with women. When I was in middle school, there was a kid named Tom Smits, and he was both singularly unattractive and very, very funny. He could have any girl in the school, and I can assure you he did pretty well. Oh hell, I can't explain what's wrong with some women. Funny, intelligent, nice, respectful. Like Jimmy Stewart or Tom Hanks. These are the men to build a life with. Any woman who can't figure that out before it's too late is on her own.
BTW, this “hookup” talk is a bit different than good old-fashioned regular relationship talk. It's less forthright, it's adversarial, and it's fraught with miscommunication.
Evidently my peculiar brand of humor is all too often a bit above the heads of many of the 'average' lasses. And has been for quite some time. And most of those who do 'get it'? Well they might be overly educated too, but still not more inclined to be attracted to me. That took awhile to adjust that, now you can develop a fine repertoire of 'funny', but for all too many guys who take the time & effort to do this? It's either gone unrecognized, underappreciated by many women or otherwise wasted due to a lack of understanding, cultural 'refinement' or even a 'common language'. There's a good reason why 'slap-stick' remains popular centuries after it was 'invented' for Punch & Judy etc. It's simple, people can immediately relate to it, and it does not take much effort to 'decode' or 'translate'. Overall? I truly think that for much of our cultural life, we're producing more severely uneducated and yes, just sheer 'dumber' or inattentive people. You might think that's crassly overblown & too 'negative' an assessment?
Try this test then. Ask your average under-grad, 'What art do you like?' And then the even more telling, 'What art decorates your walls of your home/apartment?' You'll be dumbfounded by the answers. Mostly? It's not much. Posters from favorite concerts/bands/glam rock stars perhaps. Things inherited from mom or dad or collected from friends if you're lucky. (Same 'o same ole). On occasion you'll get the honest 'Whatever I liked @ Pier 1/IKEA when I picked up the couch/dresser'. (Which is mostly poor Chinese knock-off of something or some modernist attempt by some poor deluded soul in Korea).
Why is that? Is a decent 'sense of style' not a natural development of adult sensibilities & of thinking critically about and attraction to & for art? Why is it that I could tell you these things @ 20, when most of the women (& men) I've ever asked were wholly clueless on the topic? And mostly remain so to this day? And now we’ve got 'House of style' and dozens of 'cheap and dirty' expressions of the genre on TV. And still as HL Mencken might have put it, it remains as ever, the 'Sahara of the Beaux Arts'. America, a vast wasteland of consumerist culture, with very little concern, knowledge, appreciation or feeling for much of any of the traditional 'arts'. Including comedy for example. It's as disgraceful as it is depressing. And you can't even talk to anyone about it, because even the 'high culture' experts (excluding Terry T) @ the WSJ still just 'don’t get it!' We've even lost the language to properly discuss such matters.
And No the Buffys & Bunnys don't know this crap any better than anyone else! You know who does? Self taught artists of almost any age. Know Better than the academically trained ones. Know much of the history better, and what they like & why. And of course the semi-retired art 'matrons' of any city (even Dubuque) will know more. I'm forever being surprised over the fact that I know more about art & art history than most of the formally trained artists I know. No not on technique, but on the broad history of their genre. I guess this is why I would up with an art history major. There was no need to explain to her what Palladian was when you saw it. It saves so much time actually.
And how might you put all that in a neat little ad for internet dating? To make it all semi palatable? Somewhat digestible? You don't. You can't. You can't expect anyone to really understand. Unless they already do. There's no sense in trying to find an acceptable, comely & warm but otherwise only slightly dim Eliza Doolittle type to possibly 'tutor'. It's just not done anymore. Not really. And it annoys the hell out of everyone.
So now you know why I told the wife straight up when were dating that Yes, I was a crank. And that I was only going to get progressively more cranky with age. To her credit that evidently did not concern her much, but as she says, 'I've been true to my word!' Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
Oh, I hate slapstick! I am an Anglophile in just about every way, and I love Monty Python, but not the slapstick bits. For me, the Three Stooges is the absolute nadir of humor. My college boyfriend loved the Three Stooges, and I do believe it was one factor (of many) that convinced me he was not marriage material.
I agree wholeheartedly about the arts. My kids, at 20 and 22, are just becoming people who love checking out what's on at musuems. I suppose they're a bit late, but I daresay most Americans will never get there. We Americans are guilty as charged for dumbing down culture, because we reward the most insipid TV shows and movies with high ratings and sales.
Haha, VJ, I do love your descriptions of The Wife. She sounds like my kind of woman. She is someone who is very, very comfortable with who she is and her place in the world. Lucky you.
Hahaha, VJ, you are a Renaissance man, in the mold of Lorenzo de Medici (this I know from my recent trip to Florence). Re humor and women, I KNOW for a fact that the funny dudes do well with women. When I was in middle school, there was a kid named Tom Smits, and he was both singularly unattractive and very, very funny. He could have any girl in the school, and I can assure you he did pretty well. Oh hell, I can't explain what's wrong with some women. Funny, intelligent, nice, respectful. Like Jimmy Stewart or Tom Hanks. These are the men to build a life with. Any woman who can't figure that out before it's too late is on her own.
BTW, this “hookup” talk is a bit different than good old-fashioned regular relationship talk. It's less forthright, it's adversarial, and it's fraught with miscommunication.
Evidently my peculiar brand of humor is all too often a bit above the heads of many of the 'average' lasses. And has been for quite some time. And most of those who do 'get it'? Well they might be overly educated too, but still not more inclined to be attracted to me. That took awhile to adjust that, now you can develop a fine repertoire of 'funny', but for all too many guys who take the time & effort to do this? It's either gone unrecognized, underappreciated by many women or otherwise wasted due to a lack of understanding, cultural 'refinement' or even a 'common language'. There's a good reason why 'slap-stick' remains popular centuries after it was 'invented' for Punch & Judy etc. It's simple, people can immediately relate to it, and it does not take much effort to 'decode' or 'translate'. Overall? I truly think that for much of our cultural life, we're producing more severely uneducated and yes, just sheer 'dumber' or inattentive people. You might think that's crassly overblown & too 'negative' an assessment?
Try this test then. Ask your average under-grad, 'What art do you like?' And then the even more telling, 'What art decorates your walls of your home/apartment?' You'll be dumbfounded by the answers. Mostly? It's not much. Posters from favorite concerts/bands/glam rock stars perhaps. Things inherited from mom or dad or collected from friends if you're lucky. (Same 'o same ole). On occasion you'll get the honest 'Whatever I liked @ Pier 1/IKEA when I picked up the couch/dresser'. (Which is mostly poor Chinese knock-off of something or some modernist attempt by some poor deluded soul in Korea).
Why is that? Is a decent 'sense of style' not a natural development of adult sensibilities & of thinking critically about and attraction to & for art? Why is it that I could tell you these things @ 20, when most of the women (& men) I've ever asked were wholly clueless on the topic? And mostly remain so to this day? And now we’ve got 'House of style' and dozens of 'cheap and dirty' expressions of the genre on TV. And still as HL Mencken might have put it, it remains as ever, the 'Sahara of the Beaux Arts'. America, a vast wasteland of consumerist culture, with very little concern, knowledge, appreciation or feeling for much of any of the traditional 'arts'. Including comedy for example. It's as disgraceful as it is depressing. And you can't even talk to anyone about it, because even the 'high culture' experts (excluding Terry T) @ the WSJ still just 'don’t get it!' We've even lost the language to properly discuss such matters.
And No the Buffys & Bunnys don't know this crap any better than anyone else! You know who does? Self taught artists of almost any age. Know Better than the academically trained ones. Know much of the history better, and what they like & why. And of course the semi-retired art 'matrons' of any city (even Dubuque) will know more. I'm forever being surprised over the fact that I know more about art & art history than most of the formally trained artists I know. No not on technique, but on the broad history of their genre. I guess this is why I would up with an art history major. There was no need to explain to her what Palladian was when you saw it. It saves so much time actually.
And how might you put all that in a neat little ad for internet dating? To make it all semi palatable? Somewhat digestible? You don't. You can't. You can't expect anyone to really understand. Unless they already do. There's no sense in trying to find an acceptable, comely & warm but otherwise only slightly dim Eliza Doolittle type to possibly 'tutor'. It's just not done anymore. Not really. And it annoys the hell out of everyone.
So now you know why I told the wife straight up when were dating that Yes, I was a crank. And that I was only going to get progressively more cranky with age. To her credit that evidently did not concern her much, but as she says, 'I've been true to my word!' Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
Oh, I hate slapstick! I am an Anglophile in just about every way, and I love Monty Python, but not the slapstick bits. For me, the Three Stooges is the absolute nadir of humor. My college boyfriend loved the Three Stooges, and I do believe it was one factor (of many) that convinced me he was not marriage material.
I agree wholeheartedly about the arts. My kids, at 20 and 22, are just becoming people who love checking out what's on at musuems. I suppose they're a bit late, but I daresay most Americans will never get there. We Americans are guilty as charged for dumbing down culture, because we reward the most insipid TV shows and movies with high ratings and sales.
Haha, VJ, I do love your descriptions of The Wife. She sounds like my kind of woman. She is someone who is very, very comfortable with who she is and her place in the world. Lucky you.
So what did you do all day?
Do not say nothing, not much, slept or played video games. Lazy guys, i.e. no ambition, are such a turnoff, so don’t let me even suspect if you’re a slacker
that's good advice (for us men!)