A Perfect Pair of Paradoxes
Hmmm. Accurate? Let’s say so, for the sake of argument.
The 20 year-old woman will usually choose in this order: Asshole, Dumb, Nerd. The wise woman (that would be me) chooses in this order: Nerd, Dumb, Asshole.
The 20 year-old guy who is not an asshole will usually choose in this order: Idiot, Annoying, Ugly. The wise man will choose in this order: Annoying, Ugly, Idiot.
Youth is wasted on the young! (George Bernard Shaw)
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I resent both paradoxes – but I suppose that I'd just choose Nerd for the guy – why bother even rating them. Who has times for jerks and stupidity?
And as for the girl paradox – WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
D, I'll tell you why cannot relate to the boy paradox: because you are a wise woman, despite your youth. Actually, I found these on I Can Has Cheezburger – if you don't know it, don't even go there, it's totally nonsensical. I think it's the sole source of silly cat photos. Incidentally, these two graphs were not created by the same person. A guy did the girl paradox, I don't know the gender behind the boy paradox.
I posted these because I believe they accurately reflect how many people perceive the opposite sex. Here's what I was trying to get across, perhaps it's a FAIL:
1. Smart and nice w/o handsome = The 2 most important characteristics. I like him fine. (B+)
2. Handsome and nice w/o smart = My college bf. Not for siring. (B)
3. Handsome and smart w/o nice = Cocky. Won't commit or treat you well. (F)
As for the guys who have it all being gay? I really couldn't say. I do hear women complain that “all the hottest guys are gay,” but I have no idea where that comes from. Gay film stars, perhaps? Or models? Or maybe because gay men are well put together, don't know.
No one is perfect, there will always be tradeoffs. It's a matter of figuring what's important to you in a relationship. (When I broke up with the cute but dumb college bf, you should have seen the girls fighting for the spoils.)
Now the girl paradox:
In this case, the thing that struck me the hardest is something I constantly hear from guys: Women love assholes. They are drawn to the jerks who treat them poorly, and they reward them with easy access to sex. I do believe there is a strong element of truth to this, though there are many exceptions, and you are one of those. This behavior hurts:
1. Nice/smart guys, who finish last.
2. Nice girls, who are used and then tossed away.
Handsome guys do fine no matter what. They'll be set upon in bars, etc., no demonstration of intelligence required.
I don't know why hot and smart girls would be annoying. It implies intelligent conversation is not only not required, but is a detriment.
And I take great exception to smart and nice girls being called ugly, because that's just where I would slot my young self….
Guess I'm ugly too, Susan…You know I've always had an inkling I wasn't all that attractive, but thanks to this startling venn diagram it's confirmed.
No, the obvious answer her is to go with the smart girl. This way you've eliminated 'idiot' (hey, we could get lucky), and in the chance that they're annoying (simple, complex, multiple?), they're bound to be hot! The added benefit is that if they're ugly, they're also nice. Which BTW? Almost never works out like that in real life. But overall? Clearly the best choice.
But life is more complex. There are plenty of 'popular' gals with very 'unfortunate faces'. Big noses, big ears, beady , wide set eyes, too small mouths, whatever. (Yes, there are some standards for each evidently). Many with a poor 'dress sense' too. What's their 'secret' for being fairly popular? They've got the 'bitching bods' and they're evidently not afraid to use them! Almost any decent woman who actually likes & enjoys guys? Has a leg up on the competition so to speak. And this has remained a barely hidden ‘secret’ & true for eons. Ditto & more so for women who actually like themselves, and enjoy their own company. Some of the most popular and genuinely 'likable' smarter women I know all would or might be judged as being fairly 'plain' or of 'average' looks. It's all what you do with it! It’s all in the attitude.
For the guys? All I’m saying is that the diagrams are seriously off. They need to be more on top of one & other. And a few more ‘deleterious’ rings. For everyone. (Yeah, where’s the Crazy? The entitled? The ‘bitter w/baggage’ The 'momma's boys/Princesses?) Yeah, amazingly more complex. But I know… just simplistic jokes. Cheers, “VJ'
OMG! You are beyond adorable! Obvs, no one should lose ONE MINUTE of sleep over this stupid thing. The point is, stereotypes abound, they affect both genders. And I'm all about trying to get people to look deeper, sigh.
Haha, like the song says, “never make a pretty woman your wife?” I agree that intelligence is the single most important factor – certainly in terms of procreation, but also in terms of general quality of life.
I LOVE what you have to say re attitude. History is full of examples of women who were not beautiful, yet had men swooning. And by the way, attitude is what makes a woman sexy. A woman with an imperfect body who owns it, and will happily walk around naked and enjoy sex, is far sexier than a woman who is physically near-perfect, but self-conscious and passive.
A little bit more about attitude.
There's this guy who has an advice column in askmen magazine, where he tries to teach guys how to keep their girls in love with them. 90% of the time, he's pretty lame, as you can easily guess by his pseudonym: DocLove. But sometimes he does come up with something brilliant. And my favorite piece of advice from him is: “Marry the Attitude, not the Looks. Looks with fade over time, and then you're gonna be stuck with the Attitude for the rest of your life”
Ugh! I am so over dating assholes. How blind was my mentality that I could “change” their total douchebaggery???
Now according to one of my exes that is using being an asshole as a cover up. Which I have witnessed. One guy I dated acted like a compelet and total asshole when I first met him, but he used it as a defense mechanism. It was his way of not letting his guard down. I would see glimpses of his actual self and that is why I stuck around. It eventually faded, but it was a hard road to walk, and probably not one that I would walk again.
I also can pull an attitude and come off as a total bitch, but I also do it as a way of protecting myself from the assholes out there. Are you seeing the game?
However I seem to be a one date wonder. I gave the nerd a chance, and never heard from him again….does that mean he was really an asshole?
Rebekah, I put up a new post just for you! I do think some guys use bad behavior as a defense mechanism, a way of keeping women at arms' length. But that's a risk too, because if that woman falls for them, it's at least partly based on those tactics. Then they have to worry that she'd lose interest if she knew the real him. All these strategies can be exhausting to implement.
I ask people sometimes if they think a group of old white men sit in a smoky room making up new stereotypes. Like… “Today, I think we shall vilify young African American men wearing gang colors and listening to violent rap.”
To put it another way, a friend of mine has a tshirt (which she hasn't been brave enough to wear out yet) that says, “Stereotypes Save Time.”
Before we get our PC panties in a bunch, let's think about what that means, though. Are there some stereotypes that are virtually untrue? Well, yes. Living as an atheist in America, I can tell you that from first hand experience. However, most stereotypes exist for a reason. If someone fits a stereotype, there's at least a good chance you can guess a lot of things accurately about them.
The girl/boy stereotypes here are not universally true, but they're also not too far from the truth in a lot of cases. There's logic behind it, too. If a boy is very handsome and also very smart, HE'S IN HIGH DEMAND. He is also smart enough to know he's in high demand. He realizes he can demand a high price, and can afford to give women a lot of shit simply because dating him is a sign of high status for women. Thus… asshole.
Similarly, if a girl is really attractive, she's got to spend a lot of time working at it. (Yes, there are a few of us guys who have some idea of how hard it is for women to always be pretty. We know how evil makeup is.) It's the flip side of a guy who's a gym rat. There's only so much time in the day, and it's difficult to read science journals while lifting weights or tweezering eyebrows. A girl who's beautiful and nice… well… nice means giving, and if you've spent half your time getting yourself pretty and half being giving to others… where's the time to read and study?
Of course there are exceptions to the rules, and these graphs should be viewed as interesting gimmicks that illustrate a real point. That point, I believe is crucial if we are going to achieve happiness in relationships: You can usually get *anything* you want in a relationship. You can NEVER get *everything* you want.
LOVE the t-shirt slogan haha! I can imagine why your friend won't wear it out though. I don't even know what would happen if I wore that in Boston. I wouldn't dare try.
Stereotypes make people uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but as you say, they often contain more than a grain of truth. Sometimes I'll be accused of using a cliche as an argument, and my response is the same. How do you think it got to be a cliche? It was deemed worth repeating many, many times.
LOVE the t-shirt slogan haha! I can imagine why your friend won't wear it out though. I don't even know what would happen if I wore that in Boston. I wouldn't dare try.
Stereotypes make people uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but as you say, they often contain more than a grain of truth. Sometimes I'll be accused of using a cliche as an argument, and my response is the same. How do you think it got to be a cliche? It was deemed worth repeating many, many times.
I suppose I'm the lucky one. My boyfriend is nice, smart, handsome and gay. I love him very much!
Haha, mkandefer, I love that, lucky you! Yeah, all the best guys are gay. Hopefully, there are a few exceptions to the rule for all the lonely straight girls out there.