The 12-Step Douchebag Recovery Program
Posted by Susan Walsh on Nov 17, 2009 in Hooking Up Realities |
Maybe you really wouldn’t stoop to any of the caricatures in this video (though plenty of women do). But admit it, you know a bad boy who you think is sexy, irresistible even. You know he’s bad news, and yet. You still hook up with him. You don’t even like him, you just like, need it, you know? It’s like your brain understands, but your vagina has a mind of its own?
You’re addicted to douchebags.
That means it sucks to be you. Because every guy you fall for will make you miserable. It also sucks for the rest of us, because every time you play with one of these guys, you ensure that they’ll go on to douche another day. Which means more girls getting treated like crap. Which means more nice guys going over to the dark side, so that they get to treat girls like crap too.
Stop the insanity.
Douchebaggery is a choice. It’s a strategy, and an effective one. This is a game you cannot win. Think of him as a sexually-transmitted infection. He’s in your bloodstream and you’re going to need some bigass antibiotics to shake this habit. Don’t fret, I’ve got a 12-step program that works if you are committed to changing your life.
Step 1:Admit that you have a problem, and that your romantic life has become unmanageable.
- Have you ever felt embarrassed or humiliated about a hookup?
- Have you ever hooked up with a guy whose age is < 23 but whose number is > 23?
- Have you ever run into a hookup who didn’t remember your name? Or pretended not to?
- Have you ever had an STI scare that you were totally unprepared for?
- Have you ever had sex with a guy you’re not dating after he booty called you late night?
- Do you keep hope alive with guys who you know don’t give a damn about you?
Step 2: Use the power of reason to restore your sanity.
- All women like a bit of bad boy. Smart women find a good guy with enough self-confidence to get the job done. Bonus: Good guys are far more giving in bed. Remember Tucker Max and the jackhammer?
- Stop watching chick flicks immediately. No romantic comedies whatsoever. Under no circumstances should you ever again watch a movie where an asshole makes a bet that he can pull the hottest girl, only to fall madly in love with her despite himself. Ditto for any movie where the bad boy reforms to settle down.
- Take inventory of your past sexual relationships. Can you name one boy who was CRAZY about you? Treasured you? Wanted you to meet his sister? No? Well, believe it or not, there are guys out there who won’t be quite so anxious to wash off your scent in the shower.
- If you soil yourself with douchebag drek, you’re going to get all bitter and cynical and trashy. Then when the real deal comes along, maybe even a future baby daddy, you’ll be unfit for a healthy relationship.
- Listen to your friends. Take a doucheyness poll. If they give a guy the thumbs down, trust their instincts, because you already know that yours are worthless.
Step 3: Wrestle your vagina to regain control.
- Has your vag been making good decisions? Didn’t think so. Bring your decision-making back up above the belt to the cerebral cortex.
- Say this to yourself 100 times: It’s not a compliment when a guy wants to get into my pants. It’s not a compliment when a guy wants to get into my pants. It’s not a compliment….
- When you’re out, don’t drink so much that your libido takes over and you make a complete idiot of yourself.
- It can be helpful to wear ginormous white granny panties, or at least Spanx, to reduce the risk of spontaneous poor choices. (Hat tip to Bridget Jones.)
Step 4: Take a good look within yourself.
Do any of these common douchebag traits apply to your own behavior?
- Selfish
- Arrogant
- Dishonest
- Manipulative
- Possessive
- Lying
- Cheating
- Self-pitying
- Jealous
- Insecure
- Hypercritical
- Harsh
- Ungrateful
Stop being a douche baguette. Start hanging around with nicer people, and you’ll find that it’s easier to be nicer yourself.
Step 5: Put your friends on high alert that you don’t go for jerks anymore.
- Explain why you are trying to change, and encourage them to join you in your effort. Choose one or two who really have their act together, and ask them to keep an eye on you. If you can find a reformed douche baguette to act as your sponsor, that is most helpful.
- Celebrate by taking your friends out for a great night. With them in your company, you are far less likely to backslide in these early days.
Step 6: Enjoy the dignity and self-respect that comes with your new role.
- Keep in mind that it will take a while for douches to figure out that you are no longer easy prey. Stick to your plan to clearly communicate your unavailability.
- Whenever a douche approaches you and insults you in a cocky way, look at him, silently counting to 10. Then respond with a Hahahaha and turn away. It’s also effective to shake your head “no” at this point. Be prepared for further insults; he may respond by calling you terrible names as he storms off.
- Get choosy. Look around for cute engineering types. Software developers with decent social skills can be very rewarding. Some practitioners of law and medicine are also good bets. Unfortunately, the banker population has a very high degree of douche penetration, so be careful with Wall St. types (they are not nearly as humbled as they should be in this recession). Real estate developers are an absolute no-no, being nearly 100% douche. Artists of any kind are risky, but if you can find one emo enough, it may work. A man with integrity who works with his hands is very appealing.
Step 7: Forgive yourself for your shortcomings.
Some backsliding is to be expected as you make adjustments socially. Remember, a zero tolerance policy is a must.
- That really cute guy who is sooooo jacked isn’t that bad, is he? Um, yes. He’s terrible. He’s playing with you like a cat plays with a mouse.
- Douchey Dan swears he can change. Doubt it. However, one caveat: if Douchey Dan was a nice guy who has not been on the dark side for too long, and if he has not yet created a trail of broken hearts and damaged self-esteem, you may give DD one shot.
- A dumped douchebag is a volatile creature. He will use any and all tactics to make you jealous, so that he may regain the respect of his buddies. If that fails, he will use any and all tactics to exact revenge. He will be merciless, possibly spreading horrible rumors about your sexual performance or private parts. This is very difficult to bear, but bear it you must. It will pass.
Step 8: Make a list of all the douchebags you know. Apologize to no one.
List all the douchebags who have harmed you. Now add the douchebags who have harmed others. Remove all db detritus from your life.
- Remove all db’s from your phone and buddy list. Facebook removal is helpful, but not required.
- Select one photo featuring extreme doucheyness, and put this in a safe place where you can peek when necessary. Whenever you think longingly of the intimacy lite, the fake boyfriend, the pretend affection, it helps to see a photo of said douche looking like a complete tool.
- Understand that your social life may require adjustment when you separate from douchebags. In fact, you may find that you suddenly have zero guy friends. Stay strong. This too shall pass.
Step 9: Actively seek closure by holding douchebags directly accountable whenever possible.
- Though apology is unlikely and reform damned near impossible, you will benefit from speaking your mind.
- Moving on will be easier for you if you state emphatically that it is OVER, and why.
- It may be helpful to speak frankly when douchebag’s posse of buds demand an explanation. They won’t want to hear your side, but at least you can plant the seed that their AWESOME dude friend is a man of poor character. They’ll probably keep their sisters away from him, at the very least.
Step 10: Continue to be watchful and on guard.
Continue to be watchful for temptation. When you fall off the wagon, take responsibility and recommit yourself to the program.
- It may be helpful at this stage to read novels where the heroine gets completely screwed over. Good ones include Madame Bovary, The French Lieutenant’s Woman, Anna Karenina.
Step 11: Plan for the future.
Think about what you want your love life to look like, now and in the next five years. Resolve to continue making the choices that will get you there.
- What are the qualities you want in a boyfriend?
- Are you willing to be patient and not settle?
- Are you continuing to develop yourself so that you will possess strong self-esteem without getting sexual attention every moment?
Step 12: Share the message with fellow addicts.
- Set a positive example in your own group of friends. When they observe your newly found sense of peace, your lack of desperate, clingy, cries of “Why? Why? Why?” you will be a powerful witness for the program.
- Don’t enable addictive behavior in others. No matter how much your friends want to be deluded into thinking their douchebag cares, you must not participate in the deception. Speak truth to those you love.
- Once you feel strong enough, and established in a new and healthy lifestyle, offer to sponsor one of the many women you know you are suffering in the gutter of rejection and degradation of douchebaggery.
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Ummm, I don't know if I like this post or not!! I confess I need to get every single one of my girlfriends to read it, but ummmm, step 4!!
When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex….ummm….I”M A TOTAL DOUCHE BAGUETTE!!!
Seriously how could I not have seen this?? I can name a specific instance of being each and every one of those things in every relationship I have ever had. HELLO!! No wonder I am divorced AND still single!!
I need to get into douche baguette rehab STAT!!!
Haha Rebekah, you are a very good sport! Yes, do forward this post to everyone you know. Until women give each other both pressure and support to begin rejecting this treatment, db's will proliferate. If we work together, we can make a change (fist in the air here)!
Ain't gonna happen.
Oh yes, I have so friends who need this. I will be reblogging for sure …
Let's leave the DBs of the world for the dregs of the girl world — the faux-confident chick with an IQ of 70 and giant fake boobs who is the last drunk, sloppy, stumbling Bebe-wearing mess at the bar. DBs prey on heavily intoxicated 6's who say, “Oh, you're so funny,” when a guy is really mocking them. Don't be that girl.
Maybe not, but I'd like to think the pendulum can swing back a bit. Believe it or not, women don't really want to get used up by pump and dump alphas. What they really need? Betas with the social skills to offer a plausible alternative. I'm dealing with the female side of the equation. What are you doing on your end?
Excellent advice, as always, from bblove!
You know, I try not to criticize any women, but honestly, I feel like I'm always defending women to men, only to have these Girl Gone Wild types thrown in my face. I don't respect them, I don't want to defend them. They're on their own, and good luck with that. However, I will always happily welcome a GGW who wants to truly turn over a new leaf….oh boy, that sounded like a Come to Jesus moment.
Um, I threw up in my mouth a little in that video when that dude was spraying cologne all over himself….
Yeah, me too. I'm sure it was Axe.
Zing @ the last comment. And I applaud your efforts, Susan. Every woman needs to step back and read these.
Rebecca, thanks so much, you have no idea how important the support is! Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing a boulder up a mountain, or “pissing in the wind” as a guy recently put it.
Susan, I'm trying to provide guys with real problems some basic guidance so they can be at least functional with women.
OK, Omega Man, Just checked out your blog, I respect that. Here's the thing: you and I are going after the same thing, from different genders/perspectives. Women need you men to be functional with us. We need you to develop yourselves so that you are relationship material. I saw on your blog how you talk about overcoming various great obstacles, and how there are various ways one might do that, including therapy. That's what I'm talking about. If alphas are the only men around with the skills to function, they will continue to mop up. Game addresses this quite well, though I will go on record to say I deplore the Dark Side type of game (Roissy style) that Obsidian has just confronted on his blog. So you have tools, and the task might be daunting, but you're writing, and readers are reading, and some people's lives may change as a result. And that's awesome.
I'm trying to do the same thing here. The women who come here to read, and who email me their stories, are looking for a quality relationship. Many of them have survived being treated poorly by men after they went into a relationship with good and earnest intentions.
Men can say all they want about the fickle nature of women, and women's evolutionary desire to snag the Alpha male, but the truth is that women are looking for a whole set of characteristics in a partner, many of which Alpha males do not possess (emotional intelligence, stability, loyalty, faithfulness, intelligence, ability to demonstrate love). The only place where Alphas have a leg up is physical size and strength. Evolutionary programming is powerful, but it doesn't render us helpless. We learn from experience, and hopefully we don't get too damaged in the process.
It is incumbent upon both men and women to develop themselves so that they are capable of relating to each other. Personal development can take many forms, and I'm not talking about self-help books. Pursuing one's interests, getting out and about in public and maximizing the number of interactions you have each day, for starters. Finding communities and participating.
Maybe you're right that it ain't gonna happen. Douchebags will continue to proliferate at an alarming rate, I suspect. My goal is to get women to think about what they get when they date a bad guy, and whether it's worth it. Because it never is.
Thanks for your input, I always appreciate hearing from the Y chromosome side of the aisle.
Well a valiant effort here to be certain, and well appreciated. But it needs to be shorter. So we can fit it into & onto the 'wallet sized cards'. A sort of 'Miranda warning' for your soul. These are the well known DB signs in Your (specific) area. Know them well. Learn to Recognize them from a distance. Avoid them at all costs. Talk or converse with them at your peril. Do Not allow them more than a few scant seconds of your time. Inform your friends & spread the alarm. DB's cannot and should not be tolerated in polities society. Or around any woman that you care about. Friends Don't let Friends hook up with DB's!
But yeah, more complex than imagined and harder to avoid for legions of women of all ages. And most of them will still have more than enough direct experience with DB's than is clinically necessary or needed. Being forewarned I being prepared!
And still? A vain hope in the wind actually. Only enough direct exposure can actively, eventually 'turn off' women to the average DB's. Tragically this only comes about in their 30's & 40's if not later. So many different flavors of delicious DB's top taste & try! (This one will be different! Look how damn cute he is!) So all the Betas of the world? The ever hopeful 2nd & 3rd etc husbands of the world. Always waiting somehow for maturity to 'catch up' across the spectrum. Alas it almost never does before about 2 decades pass. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
How depressing, you're the second guy to tell me I'm just pissing in the wind here.
One question, though: If natural alphas (not all of whom are db's) make up 10-20% of the population, and they were the only ones getting lucky with women in their 20s, wouldn't the marriage rate reflect that? In truth, 90% of Americans marry, with the avg. age being 25 for women and 27 for men. That has to mean the vast majority of betas are marrying. I just don't get these constant claims that beta males, the overwhelming majority of the population, are dejectedly sitting around getting angry because the women of their dreams won't even look at them for another 10 years.
I'm only one observer, but in my own community and my own social circle, the vast majority of men I know would be considered beta. Highly intelligent, faithful, loyal, capable of working with others, etc. They married in their 20s for the most part, and most of their marriages appear solid. There were plenty of discriminating women to snap up these men in the prime of their youth.
Yes, there will always be Girls Gone Wild going home with the Tucker Max's of the world. But that can't possibly be the whole story. The math doesn't work.
You know what's fucked up and frustrating? The assholes who I've dated pretended to be nice guys. Talk about irony. Ugh. How do you like'em apples.
>.<
Oh yeah, that's a frequent db move. They know that many women will run if they show their true colors up front. So they do the quasi-courtship, and then one day, poof. Dumped, something better came along. Not into in any more.
Yup. Sounds about right.
So. How would you go around dealing with those ones?
How can you differentiate if they are actually dbs or actually nice?
Or is that just something you can't really tell..
It's stressful because from bad experiences, because you assume off the bat they are dbs and then are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's not a good approach though, but sometimes defense mechanisms get in the way and can “sabotage” what you have going..
It's true, it's a very hard thing to balance. As I said in the post, you don't want to be all cynical and bitter when the right guy comes along. If it is someone you know, or have access to some information about them, it's a lot easier. What is their reputation? Never assume you will be the one to change a guy. If he has broken some hearts, been reluctant to commit in the past, etc. you've got some good clues he's a db. If he's all about looking cool in front of the guys, that's another clue.
If you're just meeting someone for the first time, look for a guy who is sincere, but not overdoing it. He should do what he says he is going to do. In other words, look for signs of integrity right off the bat. He either makes specific plans and follows through, or he doesn't, and it doesn't take too long to figure out how he treats women. A guy who asks you to lunch or to hang out is a much better bet than a guy who is delighted to find out you're at the party, and wants to hold your hand. There's nothing wrong with playing it by ear some of the time, but you should be seeing honest, direct, signs of interest on his part. If you have to ask whether he likes you, he doesn't.
Haha, the guy I wrote to you about really likes that video – pretty much says it all, doesn't it? Sigh… I had no idea I was a douche baguette. Live and learn, I guess.
Oh no! Did you already know that from before? And hey, you are only a douche baguette if you act douchey yourself. You don't get called names by me just for falling for a db. We'd have a whole lot of name calling on this site if that were the case. We have ALL been there.
Rather than erasing them from the phone, because then one might accidentally pick up the phone or whatever, I find more useful to store the number, but change the name into a reminder of why you never want to talk to that guy again. For example, I turned a terrible DB who kept harasing me into “Ur so gay” (he matches the song so incredibly). So whenever I got a message or call from him it came with an instant “this is BS” reminder.
[Sorry if this double posts}
What happens with all those 'smart beta' guys? They figure out the game early, and are perfectly willing & able to commit early too. They have much shorter careers as either DB's or even serial daters. They know that when you've got a perfectly 'reasonable' prospect before you, it's not likely to be getting any better. They've got few illusions or delusions about either themselves or about romance in particular. Ergo, they're either married, or recovering from their 1st marriage (or another LTR 'mistake').
The various DB's/alphas/PUAs out there? The magical 10-25% of either them or the real BMOC (the golden guys)? They're busy chewing up the scenery of all the available women they can find to serially infect, affect, impregnate, depress and/or otherwise use& abuse as many as they can handle, often at the same time of course. BTW: That's the typical 'ratio' of action for all sorts of deleterious phenomena, using various applicable epidemiological models.
The smarter betas never got into the whole 'Predator vs Prey' models, so they committed early, thus essentially 'short circuiting' their time and struggle within the 'system'/dating universe. There's a few other ways of 'escape', but you first have to recognize where you are and what you want from the process, and not so coincidently, how likely it is that you can & might get it sometime in the indefinite future. That's a very hard bet to cover & assess. These betas often don't even try. They're the ones who actually may even improve their prospects with age, (sure a few may want to 'renegotiate' later on perhaps), but they made a hard but accurate assessment of where they stood relatively in the 'dating world', & made their bed and are 'satisfied' with themselves & their lot. Largely. Anything more was likely seen as a supreme 'waste of time' to them. How much better is one decent, kind & good, smart & responsible & accomplished woman over another? No if you've found & 'captured' on early, you might as well stick with the early good fortune. It saves plenty of time, energy and angst all around. That's pragmatic & smart. It just may not be all that overly romantic however when stated in such a way! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
OMG, that is AWESOME! I've watched girls struggle with this. They delete the number, but obvs remember the digits. A reminder like this is a brilliant idea!
This makes a lot of sense, and I find it reassuring somehow. Popular culture has created all kinds of romantic myths, as we've discussed before. Which leads to large populations of men and women feeling miserable and left out, WHEN THEY SHOULD BE WITH EACH OTHER. The vast majority figure this out, I believe. Women are able to make good decisions, especially if they've had even one bad experience. Smart betas are the same. The overwhelming majority figure it out and get hitched. Of course, half of them divorce, but that's another post.
Susan, one answer to your question about alphas and betas is the part of the female mating strategy most females don't like to talk about. Remember, most *females* are betas, too, and most of them can't snag a high end alpha for marriage. Like it or not, the really rich, attractive, smart guys get the pick of the litter. Most women can't marry them, but they can fuck them if the stars are aligned properly. This is all part of the “Marry a husband, mate with a rock star” strategy.
In this hookup culture, most women dispense with the marrying part of the equation until later, but they're still busy executing the “mate with the rock star” part. Remember, most of the girls reading this would already be married a hundred years ago, and the game would pretty much be over. That's the way it's been for most of history.
Yes. I see that this is true, no question. In the hookup culture, guys prioritize sex, so even a very handsome guy will have sex with the best available woman on a given night, even if he is does not consider her up to his standards as a potential mate. She feels validated by his attention, wants to believe that she has attracted this high-status male. Meanwhile, the woman who he might truly be interested in sits at home, not willing to sell herself so cheaply, but easily replaced by women who are more than willing.
My head is spinning. I'm not sure how to even contemplate how this looks in 50 years. What are the long-term ramifications for society? The birth rate? Marital bliss? Casual sex? I won't be here to see it, but I think it will be very interesting.
No, I didn't. Most people consider him a nice guy, and I did, too. I think he's changed a lot from when I first got to know him – his db tendencies are more obvious now than they used to be. Ah, well.
Hey, you're not alone! Sometimes I feel like I have this magic curse of turning nice guys into cold, mean db's. And I also heard everybody telling me how a nice guy they all are. While I'm thinking: “Great, such a nice guy is making miserable. I guess I'm lucky it wasn't a bad guy, THEN I would really be in trouble.” Awful feeling. But, like you said, live and learn. And keep living, even after the painful lessons.
hope you won't mind 
PS: excuse me for the intromission
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For the record, this is what is supposed to happen! Commenters talking to each other. Love it. You're all out there living it every day, and can give each other support that I can't. Keep it up!
Not at all! Thanks for the kind words. It's nice to know I'm not the only one thinking, “But what about me?” when someone starts going on about how “nice” a guy someone is when he hasn't been very nice to you.
“My head is spinning. I'm not sure how to even contemplate how this looks in 50 years. What are the long-term ramifications for society? The birth rate? Marital bliss? Casual sex? I won't be here to see it, but I think it will be very interesting.”
Well, the birth rate has been going down pretty steadily in America. With the increasing secularization we're probably going to see, that trend will probably continue. America is becoming less Catholic and more educated, and both of those things tend to decrease the birth rate.
Marital bliss is a myth, and has always been, so it will continue to be a myth. Some people will still find contentment with one person for a long time, but I wouldn't be surprised to see the average number of marriages per person go up over the next fifty years.
I'm still a little wishy-washy about what will happen with casual sex. You've read my article on monogamy vs. polygamy and the point of diminishing returns, and I'm pretty sure you were already familiar with the concept. At some point, the value of casual sex, both for men and women, becomes less than the payoff. This is just me throwing out a somewhat educated guess, but I think the technological revolution changed the formula slightly, so that casual sex became more valuable in a cost benefit for both men and women, so the point of equilibrium — the evolutionarily stable strategy — might have changed slightly. In other words, the bar may have been raised. We will probably not go back to casual sex being shunned, and that's a good thing. However, I do think it's possible that we'll see a slight downturn in the ease with which men can acquire casual sex from desirable partners. As you often point out, women can only act against their own best interests for so long.
However, I do think it'll get worse before it gets better.
Re the birth rate, the thing that will keep it steady is the influx of immigrants. When you peel them away from the stats, the U.S. birth rate is quite low. However, immigrants, the largest number of whom tend to be Hispanic and Catholic, do boost the birth rate.
I agree that the avg. number of marriages per person may well go up in the near term. I am well aware of the difficulties people have in maintaining monogamy, but the truth is that polygynous relationships have their own problems, mostly around managing jealousy. I wouldn't go so far, though, as to say marital bliss is a myth. Perhaps bliss is not the correct word, but I feel deeply satisfied in my own marriage, and I believe my husband feels the same way. I cannot even fathom separating and seeking a new partner. Not everyone is cut out for monogamy, but plenty of us still find it the best available alternative.
I'm afraid you are right about casual sex, in that it will get worse before it gets better. I actually worry about some kind of epidemic, similar to the AIDS crisis. I've read recently that chlamydia and gonorrhea are rising sharply in the U.S. Same with syphilis, which not too long ago was all but extinguished. I just have a nagging feeling that the conditions are ripe for a terrible sexually transmitted virus or mutation of some kind. I hope I'm worrying for nothing, but I'm aware that there are a whole lot of bodily fluids being exchanged, and organisms are opportunistic.
The research shows that young people use condoms 2/3 of the time. That number needs to go up, and fast.
“My head is spinning. I'm not sure how to even contemplate how this looks in 50 years. What are the long-term ramifications for society? The birth rate? Marital bliss? Casual sex? I won't be here to see it, but I think it will be very interesting.”
Well, the birth rate has been going down pretty steadily in America. With the increasing secularization we're probably going to see, that trend will probably continue. America is becoming less Catholic and more educated, and both of those things tend to decrease the birth rate.
Marital bliss is a myth, and has always been, so it will continue to be a myth. Some people will still find contentment with one person for a long time, but I wouldn't be surprised to see the average number of marriages per person go up over the next fifty years.
I'm still a little wishy-washy about what will happen with casual sex. You've read my article on monogamy vs. polygamy and the point of diminishing returns, and I'm pretty sure you were already familiar with the concept. At some point, the value of casual sex, both for men and women, becomes less than the payoff. This is just me throwing out a somewhat educated guess, but I think the technological revolution changed the formula slightly, so that casual sex became more valuable in a cost benefit for both men and women, so the point of equilibrium — the evolutionarily stable strategy — might have changed slightly. In other words, the bar may have been raised. We will probably not go back to casual sex being shunned, and that's a good thing. However, I do think it's possible that we'll see a slight downturn in the ease with which men can acquire casual sex from desirable partners. As you often point out, women can only act against their own best interests for so long.
However, I do think it'll get worse before it gets better.
Re the birth rate, the thing that will keep it steady is the influx of immigrants. When you peel them away from the stats, the U.S. birth rate is quite low. However, immigrants, the largest number of whom tend to be Hispanic and Catholic, do boost the birth rate.
I agree that the avg. number of marriages per person may well go up in the near term. I am well aware of the difficulties people have in maintaining monogamy, but the truth is that polygynous relationships have their own problems, mostly around managing jealousy. I wouldn't go so far, though, as to say marital bliss is a myth. Perhaps bliss is not the correct word, but I feel deeply satisfied in my own marriage, and I believe my husband feels the same way. I cannot even fathom separating and seeking a new partner. Not everyone is cut out for monogamy, but plenty of us still find it the best available alternative.
I'm afraid you are right about casual sex, in that it will get worse before it gets better. I actually worry about some kind of epidemic, similar to the AIDS crisis. I've read recently that chlamydia and gonorrhea are rising sharply in the U.S. Same with syphilis, which not too long ago was all but extinguished. I just have a nagging feeling that the conditions are ripe for a terrible sexually transmitted virus or mutation of some kind. I hope I'm worrying for nothing, but I'm aware that there are a whole lot of bodily fluids being exchanged, and organisms are opportunistic.
The research shows that young people use condoms 2/3 of the time. That number needs to go up, and fast.