Give Thanks for Tina Fey!
Is there a woman alive who doesn’t adore Tina Fey? I mean besides Sarah Palin. Tina Fey is an incredible role model for women. A self-described high school AP nerd, she lost her virginity to her husband at the age of 24:
Amy Poehler interviewed her for Marie Claire magazine, here’s my favorite bit:
Amy: There are a lot of girls who look at you as a role model. Maybe they’re really smart and funny but aren’t quite getting a lot of boy attention, and they’re stressed out about it. What would you say to them?
Tina: You know what? Let the boys practice on other girls. Let them treat other girls like crud, let them learn how to French kiss for, like, 10 years, let them give some other girl a bunch of crappy Valentine’s Day gifts, and then you just move in when they’re fully formed.
This is a wise, wise woman.
On 30 Rock, Tina Fey stars as herself, basically, in the character of Liz Lemon. The many things she and Liz share include being rejected by a man who later went to “clown college” and being referred to as “cunt”, which had a huge emotional impact on them. Her boss Jack (played by Alec Baldwin) sized her up the first time he laid eyes on her:
…a New York third-wave feminist, college-educated, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, overscheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says ‘healthy body image’ on the cover and every two years you take up knitting for…a week.
This season Liz is pleased that her relationship advice book Dealbreakers is on the best-seller list. A sampling:
1. Girl: My boyfriend has been acting really weird since he got promoted at his job--
Liz Lemon: Yeah, he thinks he deserves a vajayjay upgrade. He doesn’t. He’s not Tom Brady. Shut it down. Dealbreaker!
2. You Have Sexually Transmitted Crazy Mouth. Dealbreaker!
3. If your man disappears and then shows up after 7 months of no contact….That’s a dealbreaker ladies!
4. If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work… that’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
5. Long distance is the wrong distance! No to the way to the Jose. Dealbreaker!
6. If your man collects action figures, S that D. Shut it down! Dealbreaker!
7. If your guy’s “ever kissed another gentleman”? Not on my watch, beeeeeatch! Dealbreaker!
8. If your boyfriend yells out his brother’s name during sex, THAT’S a dealbreaker, ladies!
And now a few real-life examples from my own treasure trove of memories:
9. When your boyfriend gives you a giant candy cane for Christmas, with a bright orange PAID sticker still on it. Shut it down! Dealbreaker!
10. When a cute guy who’s taken tells you that he won’t know for sure whether she’s the one until he has a taste of sleeping with you. Dealbreaker!
11. When you have dinner with your high school boyfriend after 6 years of no contact and within ten minutes he says, “you can suck it if you want.” Like all those times in the back of the car were for YOUR enjoyment. S that D! Dealbreaker!
12. When a guy tells you that his previous girlfriend was a Las Vegas stripper who had a very womanly smell. Ew! Dealbreaker!
13. When a guy has a waxed chest with a hairy back. (He claimed the aesthetician would only do half at once.) No to the way to the Jose! Dealbreaker!
14. When a guy touches his balls, then sniffs his fingers. Constantly. Shut it Down and call the Health Dept! Dealbreaker!
15. When a guy grabs your boob as a greeting in a bar (he was Australian at an Australian bar, not sure if that explains it). That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
16. When Tom R., who likes you, calls you up pretending to be Tom H. because Tom H. is his best friend and he knows you have a thing for him. Crazy! Dealbreaker!
17. When a guy says he is so turned on he’s about to explode, and then suggests that the two of you pray. S that D! Dealbreaker!
18. When a guy makes a reservation for the two of you on a first date, and when you get there, he is warmly greeted as a regular, and you are greeted as his wife. Creepy dealbreaker!
19. When your date is clearly reluctant to lend you a $20 after your wallet is stolen on the NYC subway. And then uses getting repaid as an excuse to plan another date. Cheap loser! Dealbreaker!
20. When a guy crosses his legs and the bottom of his shoe is covered with colorful ticket stubs: red, yellow, orange, turquoise. From the racetrack. That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
What dealbreakers have you survived? Share it! And let us give thanks for Tina Fey!
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Among many, this one was an instant classic:
He burped while we were kissing. Apologized and inmediately resumed the kissing. Did it again while he was trying to push me to lay down.
If I didn't have quite a strong stomach I would've gone straight from there to a convent.
hahhahaha OMG. Burping mid-kiss, that's rough. Shut it down! Glad you didn't give up on all men, tho!
The Australian one cracked me up – can't say that's an Australian greeting, NORMALLY.
If he yells at you on the phone, before you've even met, and belligerently asks you if you're his stalker over and over and over again. Deal Breaker.
Haha, I remember when you wrote about that guy! So odd! Yeah, belligerence is not a feature most women are going for.
Much more fun. But I've got to say this by way of commentary:
4. “If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work… that’s a dealbreaker, ladies!”
I'm sorry this really eliminates too many decent guys, actually. Like most everyone who's a scientist who works in one of our National labs. Pharmacists, many doctors too. Ditto for even 4 star Generals & Admirals. Scratch that, almost anyone in the Military services or cops, firemen, EMT's etc. They all wear name tags.
5. “Long distance is the wrong distance! No to the way to the Jose. Dealbreaker!”
This is of course increasingly common today, actually. Given everyone's crazed work & schooling situations. And except for short weekends, I never lived within 1000Km of the wife for the entire time we were dating. It's not like it's too difficult today, right?
And this is of course really common today, even for the fairly religious:
10. “When a cute guy who’s taken tells you that he won’t know for sure whether she’s the one until he has a taste of sleeping with you. Dealbreaker!”
So yeah. We all wonder why there's so many convents being shut down given all of this!
The evident 'deal-breaker' that might have triggered for the wife, but just never did was when I tried to kill her when she was driving in my car when we were dating. Several times as a matter of fact. Only later would she learn that this was really nothing special. Everyone who's riding with me is likely taking their life in their hands! That's not changed much down the years either. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Cheers, 'VJ'
I'm with you on the nametags, VJ. Most staffers in Wash. DC wear them too. And these days, lots of people wear lanyards with nametags attached for security reasons.
OK, if you and your wife were LD the whole time you were dating, share your secret of success with us! As you say, this is a very common problem today. How to make it work?
Haha, erratic and crazy driving could well be a dealbreaker! You are lucky that the wife learned how to grip the dashboard and hang on for dear life. I had to teach my husband how to drive a stick when we were given a hand-me-down car from my parents in the early days, and it was no fun. It is the least attractive I have ever found him!
Big secrets. We did it with 'special delivery mail' (my end), which of course was canceled unceremoniously by the USPO years ago. No net. No real email yet existed. No texting. Just good phone & frequent letters. Truth be told, it could have mostly been done the same 50-100 years ago much the same way perhaps. Well, the interstates & air travel helped too. But she's a keeper. Barely batted an eyelash for my last speeding ticket @ ~92MPH. (What can I say, I was trying to slow down…) An super low maintenance too as she constantly reminds me. I'm forever grateful! Cheers & Happy Turkey Day! 'VJ'
Hahahah, No. 17 happened to me! It was pretty funny because this guy was so sexy, stylish and he looked like a total player! But we would kiss and make out but never did the deed, because whenever things got really hot & heavy he would start talking about his church and how he wanted me to convert! Total turn-off!
Also:
When a guy asks you within the first 5 minutes of the first date if you're boobs are real or what their size is… and when you refuse to answer he says 'Ok, ok, i see what you're doing! you want me to guess, right?'
When a guy is walking you to your front door after a night clubbing, it's 6 am, he's not drunk/hungover and as the lovely little birds start singing he shouts: 'Damned birds! I hate their singing. I could kill them all just to f*ing shut them up!'
- And this one happened to a friend of mine —
When a guy admits he doesn't really brush his teeth that often, actually, he only does so when he about to see you– Uhmm, thanks for being so.. thoughtful?
Ewww!
Hahahah, No. 17 happened to me! It was pretty funny because this guy was so sexy, stylish and he looked like a total player! But we would kiss and make out but never did the deed, because whenever things got really hot & heavy he would start talking about his church and how he wanted me to convert! Total turn-off!
Also:
When a guy asks you within the first 5 minutes of the first date if you're boobs are real or what their size is… and when you refuse to answer he says 'Ok, ok, i see what you're doing! you want me to guess, right?'
When a guy is walking you to your front door after a night clubbing, it's 6 am, he's not drunk/hungover and as the lovely little birds start singing he shouts: 'Damned birds! I hate their singing. I could kill them all just to f*ing shut them up!'
- And this one happened to a friend of mine —
When a guy admits he doesn't really brush his teeth that often, actually, he only does so when he about to see you– Uhmm, thanks for being so.. thoughtful?
Ewww!
92 MPH! I think I detect a weakness for fast cars here! Yes, dating back in the day was very different. It required more effort up front. Dialing the phone meant you had to actually have a conversation if the other person picked up. And with no voicemail, you'd have to keep calling and calling until you caught them in. If they were already on the phone, you got a busy signal, and would have to try again later. All this meant that you got more and more committed to reaching someone as you kept trying. And on the receiving end? No caller ID – you picked up your phone 100% of the time and took your chances. So by the time you actually spoke to each other, anticipation had been building, and both parties were perhaps already a little invested.
These cracked me up, thanks for sharing such good ones. Yeah, I'm sorry, but I think religion just has no place in the bedroom, at least for me.
I totally get that guys are fascinated by boobs, but why do they think it's appropriate to discuss them? I recall from my Tucker Max post that he approaches women with a question like “36C?” Unfortunately, many take the bait, eager to correct him with a “34C.” Ugh. Girls Gone Wild? S that D! Shut it down!
Hating birdsong is a definite red flag, haha. He probably hates puppies too.
And the teeth brushing? Haha, gross! Of course, once he wins her heart, he will stop trying so hard and go back to being a scuzzy mouth. Ew is right!
Hahaha That was actually my comeback! I said 'and you hate new born kitties and all that annoying cuddling too!' LOL
Sue! You remembered!
(Just pullin' yer leg, of course.)
“92 MPH! I think I detect a weakness for fast cars here!” No, that's the wonder here. I've never owned anything larger than a 6 cyl. And mostly? I've been driving 4's for well decades. But I still can get tailgated (drafted basically) on I-75 out of Atlanta doing 95 MPH! So the weakness is for speed, however you manage to get it. Cheers, 'VJ'
Hey Jeremy, great to hear from you! Hope you managed to break that gambling habit…please give my best to the lovely Julia.
Sue! You remembered!
(Just pullin' yer leg, of course.)
“92 MPH! I think I detect a weakness for fast cars here!” No, that's the wonder here. I've never owned anything larger than a 6 cyl. And mostly? I've been driving 4's for well decades. But I still can get tailgated (drafted basically) on I-75 out of Atlanta doing 95 MPH! So the weakness is for speed, however you manage to get it. Cheers, 'VJ'
[...] Original post: Give Thanks for Tina Fey! | Hooking Up Smart [...]
Hey Jeremy, great to hear from you! Hope you managed to break that gambling habit…please give my best to the lovely Julia.
[...] Give Thanks for Tina Fey! [...]
I am Liz Lemon. I am convinced that Tina Fey has me under surveillance. How do you get Donaghy to see you as a woman – that's my question. And why does everyone at TGS think Liz is unattractive?
Haha, Nat, she is so great, so if you're Liz Lemon you are too! I wonder the same thing about Jack – you know what I think? I think the writers, i.e. Tina, are going to give us a Jack/Liz romance at some point. Every time I watch I look for signs! I don't know why she doesn't get more attention – she did have that brief romance with Jon Hamm last year, not bad. And this guy Eddie thought she was attractive…Tina Fey is constantly writing embarrassing moments for herself though, like not waxing her mustache and wearing it to work. Gaaaahhhhhh!