Sweet Bits from Sweet Readers
I’ve received some awesome notes from readers recently. Two of them are old friends/regulars, but one was from a young woman I’ve not talked with before. Love, love, love it. Their news is worth sharing, and if this keeps up I’m going to start an online newsletter for including all the tidbits I just can’t write whole posts about!
1. From Natalie:
Susan, I came across this poem a few days ago and I really wanted to share it with you! I hope you like it. I just thought it summed up beautifully the awkwardness of a heated relationship that suddenly becomes nothing, and although you might try to make a friendship work, it usually doesn’t.
“Friendship After Love”
by Ella Wilcox
After the fierce midsummer all ablaze
has burned itself to ashes, and expires
In the intensity of its own fires,
There come the mellow, mild, St. Martin days
Crowned with the calm of peace, but sad with haze.
So after love has led us, till he tires
of his own throes, and torments, and desires,
comes large-eyed friendship: with a restful gaze,
he beckons us to follow, and across
cool verdant vales we wander free from care.
Is it a touch of frost lies in the air?
Why are we haunted with a sense of loss?
We do not wish the pain back, or the heat;
And yet, and yet, these days are incomplete.
SW: Isn’t that lovely? I think it captures perfectly the bittersweet feeling after a relationship ends, where friendship may be the goal, but we can’t help but miss the other.
2. From Grace:
Hi!
I just wanted to tell you that I’ve read your blog since I came to college last year. I found it by searching “hookup culture” on Google, and thankfully came up with your website. I was doing a lot of thinking about the college hookup scene because of a project that I started with about 10 of my classmates. We were all in the public policy studies class “Women as Leaders” at Duke, and for our final semester project, our teacher told us to pick a social issue on or off campus that we wanted to work to change. Being college students, we focused on the culture closest to us–that of the “hookup culture.” We found that while only about 10% of our college peers regularly hooked up, that loud minority led the rest of the campus population to think that hooking up happened more often. We won a grant from the Kenan Institute of Ethics at Duke to produce a zine, and we designed this website: http://www.duke.edu/web/hookup/. We’re proud of our efforts, and I wanted to tell you about it. I like how your blog has served as a guide for young women navigating the modern dating scene. I thought you might be interested in seeing a student-produced website about the same subject.
SW: How cool is this? I’ve checked out this site, and it is fabulous. The design is impressive, but the content is what makes it. There’s a ton of great information there for Duke students, but it applies to any student feeling like everyone else on campus is hooking up. And I love how there’s no judgment whatsoever re any individual’s choices. Click the link and check it. Way to go, Duke Women as Leaders!
3. From Molly
Hi Susan,
I am really excited about something and I wanted to tell you about it. I remember when you wrote a post about how to meet new guys, and how it’s really important to be proactive about it and take the initiative. I’m a law student at a large university, and recently I’ve been feeling like my friends and I could definitely use some new boys! So I planned a mixer with the medical school. I called it The Malpractice Mixer, haha. Anyway, more than 250 people came, it was a big success. And I met a cute medical student!
SW: That is sooooo clever. Clever idea, clever name, clever girl! You sound like a real dynamo, but I’m sorry to tell you I think you missed your calling. You should be in business school. Or better yet, do one with them next time (75% male!). You could call it the Insider Trading Mixer.
4. From Me
Finally I just want to share that this week two commenters got each other’s info and are meeting up this weekend! It’s two straight chicks, haha, but still, I think that’s awesome. Just so you know, it’s a personal dream of mine to effect a true love match between two readers. So if you wind up seeing a Comment that intrigues you, chime in. And if you do take it all the way, I get to give the toast at your wedding 
Related posts:
Dear Susan, I enjoy the blog immensely, I forgot how I got here, but it must have been looking for some decent porn/economics/economic porn. I'm not dating presently because a.) I'm married, b.) the wife waxes & wanes on the topic or c.) both a+b. Thinking about all of the above, espcially this: “our teacher told us to pick a social issue on or off campus that we wanted to work to change”, I know somehow not one of the issues chosen was the exorbitant price & costs of higher education @ Duke. Call me for better economic pOrn! Cheers & Good Luck!, 'VJ'
Haha, VJ, I remember exactly when you first showed up! You didn't like my Supply and Demand of Sex posts, which you made very clear. I dismissed your criticisms until you later mentioned playing hooky from writing an econ article. Ouch! Face three shades of red here. Still, you kept coming back, so I guess it wasn't all total nonsense…
And yes, I've learned first hand that college students don't seem particularly concerned about the bills. In fact, a semester's spending allowance can disappear quickly when the campus meal plan just isn't very appealing and a trip off-campus to a restaurant was very necessary. Again.
Also noted in passing: few people under the age of oh, 40 something ever seem to be interested in something called 'sweet' or especially people described as 'sweet'. Sadly, it seems to be the case here. (And the history posts for that matter, even with the cute, pert & lascivious Puritan lass illustration as a come on!) It is ever thus… Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'
VJ, a note on vocab from one ancient to another: “Sweet” is a synonym for “awesome” among the younguns.
Shhh… I still here [crickets] & the faint sounds of old (sweet) X-Mas songs. On our local town oldies station. The only one's playing such things. Sweet [in People & Guys in particular] also means soporific to most of them. Awesome is 'Excitement'! It's deeper in the brain pan. Sweet in this context is seemingly pretty sleepy. It's what hubby or wifey has that everyone admires. Especially in Grannies too. Cheers, 'VJ' [And when else do we hear the wonder of Burl Ives anyone? Know anyone who can immediately form a pic of the jolly old man himself? That was Burl!]
I'm 21 and I hardly hear or use the word “awesome”.
I think being sweet is too often confused with being needy or sappy. Most people my age are just trained to play games and always keep some kind of control of their emotions by never getting too close. For some people those barriers come down (very slowly) and for others they just don't give in and that hurts their relationships. I've been called sweet many times but I've also been called a jerk. The jerk part is mostly just a front as I am secretly just a big romantic but if I played those cards it just wouldn't get me anywhere.
It's also more rewarding for both parties when you have to work to reveal that sweet side. This girl that used to think I was the biggest jerk replied to a text I sent her this morning saying “you're really sweet. that made me blush”.
Hi Juan, thanks for leaving a comment! Yeah, I can see why a guy might be wary of getting called sweet. And you are exactly right about making a woman earn that – too sweet too soon and you'll be getting “Let's just be friends.” But revealing it slowly? Yeah, that'll work. Smart boy!
Not just making a woman earn it but having to earn it myself is very rewarding too. If a girl throws herself at me or is just too sweet I'll see her as easy or as someone to be friends with because “too sweet” often kills sexual tension (at least for me).
I'm attracted to strong independent girls (Joan Holloway types) who make me work to get past those barriers and eventually give into falling “in love” and being all sweet and affectionate. Sometimes you'll find the time it takes is really worth it.
Yes, this is human nature. Women and men will sometimes say, “Well, I don't want to play mind games.” But the truth is that we all need to put our best selves forward, and that includes knowing when it's appropriate to demonstrate your emotions. You're fortunate to have that figured out at age 21!
As for Joanie, she's incredible! By far the most interesting woman character on Mad Men. Many of my readers are strong and independent, so they'll like hearing this from a guy, haha!
Yes, this is human nature. Women and men will sometimes say, “Well, I don't want to play mind games.” But the truth is that we all need to put our best selves forward, and that includes knowing when it's appropriate to demonstrate your emotions. You're fortunate to have that figured out at age 21!
As for Joanie, she's incredible! By far the most interesting woman character on Mad Men. Many of my readers are strong and independent, so they'll like hearing this from a guy, haha!