What Does Tiger’s Chasing Tail Say About Men With Power?

Yesterday Lisa, a reader, wrote and asked for my thoughts on the Tiger Woods drama. Specifically, she wondered about the correlation between power and infidelity. The correlation is obvious:

However, correlation doesn’t tell us anything about cause and effect. We need to look at cheating in general to understand why this correlation is so strong.

Who cheats?

It’s very difficult to get accurate statistics on cheaters. For one thing, even on anonymous surveys, people lie about their sex lives. This has always been a problem, and it is readily acknowledged by the research community. Secondly, cheaters lie, period. By virtue of their infidelity, they have demonstrated deceit. Still, because of the topic’s importance, it continues to be studied, and there are some estimates on who cheats and why.

• Human beings are not completely monogamous. We are largely monogamous, but there is some tendency toward polygyny thrown in there too.
• Men used to cheat more than women, but women are catching up. Recent studies show that 20% of men cheat, compared to 15% of women.
• Dr. David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK says that women are much better at keeping affairs hidden than men are: “If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that 8-15% of children haven’t been fathered by the man who thinks he’s the biological parent.”
• Men tend to give the same answers in face-to-face interviews and anonymous questionnaires. Women’s admissions to cheating rise when anonymity is guaranteed. This is thought to be related to the traditional sexual double-standard.
• In purely evolutionary terms, men are programmed to sleep with lots of women, and women are programmed to attract and retain a quality mate. Dr Holmes adds: “She will be very canny and keep her options open until she decides which of the men she is going to choose.

Why do people cheat?

Linda Young, PhD says that all cheating can be explained by Yearning, Entitlement and Supply.

Yearning:

• Yearning is the desire to cheat, and it depends on biology, our upbringing, and our past relationship experiences.
• Testosterone levels determine sex drive in both sexes. The higher the T level, the more urgent and frequent the desire for sex.
• Dopamine levels vary by individual and contribute to thrill-seeking and risk-taking.
• Children raised without enough love and security may become narcissists, unable to find contentment with any one partner.
• Cultures more likely to forbid sex produce more cheaters. The state of Utah has the most internet searches for sexual terms.
• Unhappy relationships result in one or both partners looking for alternatives.

Entitlement:

• Entitlement is permission to cheat.
• When infidelity occurs, the cheating partner believes wholeheartedly that they deserve the experience.
• Immediate gratification wins out over long-term consequences.

Supply:

• Supply is the availability of willing partners.
• People with status and power have greater access to large numbers of people.
• Women seek social status as a primary requirement when selecting a mate.
• Those with access to others in their work have more opportunities to cheat, especially if the work contains an emotional component.
• People who experience sudden changes in the number of interactions with the opposite sex may be poorly equipped to pump the brakes. Women in the workforce are particularly vulnerable, as they experience more working late, business travel and financial independence.
• Online communication fuels intimate encounters, or emotional affairs, which can lead to more serious trangressing. I know one woman who left her husband for cheating with an avatar in Second Life.

What is the cause and effect relationship between cheating and power?

Do the same qualities that make men powerful in the first place increase the likelihood that they will cheat? Or do men without a predisposition to cheating become corrupted by power?

Yearning

• Powerful people have demonstrated a high level of yearning in one or more areas of their lives already.
• Men with high testosterone and dopamine – the class Alpha males – are more likely to achieve power in their chosen fields.
• They are also more likely to be narcissistic.
• High status men who cheat will often cite the same reasons other men give: infrequent sex with their partner, a lack of affection and attention from their wives, and building resentment resulting from poor communication.

Entitlement

• People with power and celebrity are used to being coddled and indulged by “yes men/women.” John Edwards blamed his infidelity on this. They come to believe that they have a right to more privileges than other people.
• They feel invincible. Often when we hear these stories, we say “What was he thinking? How could he possibly not have thought he wouldn’t get caught?” Yet we see this happen again and again. It’s the same faulty logic at work that teens use when they get behind the wheel of a car after drinking. “It won’t happen to me.”

Supply

• Obviously, men with high social status have many more opportunities to cheat than Joe the Plumber. They are subjected to constant temptation.
• Changing social attitudes have created large numbers of women who are eager to snare a “trophy lay” in order to validate their own sexual appeal.

Why don’t we hear more stories about powerful women cheating?

I believe there are a few reasons for this, some of which may shift over time as more women acquire power.

• There are many fewer powerful women with high status than men.
• Women are biologically programmed to mate with powerful men who display high social status, resources and intelligence.
• Men do not seek sexual partners with these attributes. Indeed, a woman with these characteristics may have a very hard time attracting a lover.
• Consider Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, Janet Napolitano, Madeleine Albright,  Condoleeza Rice. These are all incredibly powerful women, yet their demeanor is quite masculine, perhaps out of necessity. (I know what you’re thinking, and that’s not nice.)

Why do powerful men cheat?

The short answer: Because they can.

They have plenty of motive and opportunity. Tiger’s adultery shouldn’t surprise anyone, and I daresay it didn’t surprise his wife. We, the public, are the fools for having put him on a pedestal, making unrealistic assumptions about his character.

Sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-in-limbo/200906/cutting-the-chase-cheating

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats–theyre-just-better-lying-it.html

Related posts:

1. 7 Totally Lame Excuses For Why He Cheated
2. Sleeping Around
3. Why Women are Hottest in Countries With Too Few Dudes
4. The Power You Gain When You Lay It On the Line
5. Moving From Hookup to Girlfriend

Tags: adultery, affection, cheating, desire, infidelity, men, monogamy, power, Tiger Woods, women