What Does Tiger’s Chasing Tail Say About Men With Power?
Yesterday Lisa, a reader, wrote and asked for my thoughts on the Tiger Woods drama. Specifically, she wondered about the correlation between power and infidelity. The correlation is obvious:
However, correlation doesn’t tell us anything about cause and effect. We need to look at cheating in general to understand why this correlation is so strong.
Who cheats?
It’s very difficult to get accurate statistics on cheaters. For one thing, even on anonymous surveys, people lie about their sex lives. This has always been a problem, and it is readily acknowledged by the research community. Secondly, cheaters lie, period. By virtue of their infidelity, they have demonstrated deceit. Still, because of the topic’s importance, it continues to be studied, and there are some estimates on who cheats and why.
- Human beings are not completely monogamous. We are largely monogamous, but there is some tendency toward polygyny thrown in there too.
- Men used to cheat more than women, but women are catching up. Recent studies show that 20% of men cheat, compared to 15% of women.
- Dr. David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK says that women are much better at keeping affairs hidden than men are: “If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that 8-15% of children haven’t been fathered by the man who thinks he’s the biological parent.”
- Men tend to give the same answers in face-to-face interviews and anonymous questionnaires. Women’s admissions to cheating rise when anonymity is guaranteed. This is thought to be related to the traditional sexual double-standard.
- In purely evolutionary terms, men are programmed to sleep with lots of women, and women are programmed to attract and retain a quality mate. Dr Holmes adds: “She will be very canny and keep her options open until she decides which of the men she is going to choose.
Why do people cheat?
Linda Young, PhD says that all cheating can be explained by Yearning, Entitlement and Supply.
Yearning:
- Yearning is the desire to cheat, and it depends on biology, our upbringing, and our past relationship experiences.
- Testosterone levels determine sex drive in both sexes. The higher the T level, the more urgent and frequent the desire for sex.
- Dopamine levels vary by individual and contribute to thrill-seeking and risk-taking.
- Children raised without enough love and security may become narcissists, unable to find contentment with any one partner.
- Cultures more likely to forbid sex produce more cheaters. The state of Utah has the most internet searches for sexual terms.
- Unhappy relationships result in one or both partners looking for alternatives.
Entitlement:
- Entitlement is permission to cheat.
- When infidelity occurs, the cheating partner believes wholeheartedly that they deserve the experience.
- Immediate gratification wins out over long-term consequences.
Supply:
- Supply is the availability of willing partners.
- People with status and power have greater access to large numbers of people.
- Women seek social status as a primary requirement when selecting a mate.
- Those with access to others in their work have more opportunities to cheat, especially if the work contains an emotional component.
- People who experience sudden changes in the number of interactions with the opposite sex may be poorly equipped to pump the brakes. Women in the workforce are particularly vulnerable, as they experience more working late, business travel and financial independence.
- Online communication fuels intimate encounters, or emotional affairs, which can lead to more serious trangressing. I know one woman who left her husband for cheating with an avatar in Second Life.
What is the cause and effect relationship between cheating and power?
Do the same qualities that make men powerful in the first place increase the likelihood that they will cheat? Or do men without a predisposition to cheating become corrupted by power?
Yearning
- Powerful people have demonstrated a high level of yearning in one or more areas of their lives already.
- Men with high testosterone and dopamine – the class Alpha males – are more likely to achieve power in their chosen fields.
- They are also more likely to be narcissistic.
- High status men who cheat will often cite the same reasons other men give: infrequent sex with their partner, a lack of affection and attention from their wives, and building resentment resulting from poor communication.
Entitlement
- People with power and celebrity are used to being coddled and indulged by “yes men/women.” John Edwards blamed his infidelity on this. They come to believe that they have a right to more privileges than other people.
- They feel invincible. Often when we hear these stories, we say “What was he thinking? How could he possibly not have thought he wouldn’t get caught?” Yet we see this happen again and again. It’s the same faulty logic at work that teens use when they get behind the wheel of a car after drinking. “It won’t happen to me.”
Supply
- Obviously, men with high social status have many more opportunities to cheat than Joe the Plumber. They are subjected to constant temptation.
- Changing social attitudes have created large numbers of women who are eager to snare a “trophy lay” in order to validate their own sexual appeal.
Why don’t we hear more stories about powerful women cheating?
I believe there are a few reasons for this, some of which may shift over time as more women acquire power.
- There are many fewer powerful women with high status than men.
- Women are biologically programmed to mate with powerful men who display high social status, resources and intelligence.
- Men do not seek sexual partners with these attributes. Indeed, a woman with these characteristics may have a very hard time attracting a lover.
- Consider Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, Janet Napolitano, Madeleine Albright, Condoleeza Rice. These are all incredibly powerful women, yet their demeanor is quite masculine, perhaps out of necessity. (I know what you’re thinking, and that’s not nice.)
Why do powerful men cheat?
The short answer: Because they can.
They have plenty of motive and opportunity. Tiger’s adultery shouldn’t surprise anyone, and I daresay it didn’t surprise his wife. We, the public, are the fools for having put him on a pedestal, making unrealistic assumptions about his character.
Sources:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-in-limbo/200906/cutting-the-chase-cheating
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats–theyre-just-better-lying-it.html
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Yeah, I also think it is ridiculous to judge his career on “the scandal.” One thing that I appreciate about Australian politics is that pretty much every past prime minister had affairs and it was never in the news. Australians just don't (or didn't things change) see that as correlating with how the PM ran the nation. Which is true.
I feel like there are just ten thousand other stories that *should* be reported and instead this Tiger Woods thing is taking up all the press.
Hey, world – there is a really important international climate change negotiating happening this month…
So, so true. It's bad enough when the country's business is derailed by sexual philandering. But we're all on the edge of our seats over an athlete? I think it's schadenfreude – if Tiger can fall so spectacularly, then his life isn't so perfect after all, and we can feel better about our own. The public loves nothing better than a major scandal that takes people down and ends careers.
People just like to see their heroes fail. I suppose many just think, “Hey! He fails at life, too!” and it makes them feel better about themselves.
Personally, I try not to compare myself to an image carefully presented to the public and realize that as they are human the fact that they eff up their own lives just like the rest of us. Shouldn't be a big surprise or even newsworthy, but then I am not most people.
I agree, but I must admit that when I heard today that there are reportedly 6 mistresses (at least) I had to laugh. If someone is going to fail, they might as well do it spectacularly.
It seems to me that it would be hard to live any normal kind of life with fame. As you say, tons of people are gunning for you, and you can't even walk down the street. I don't see how any relationship could weather that kind of constant stress. It's no wonder actors start punching paparazzi – I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.
This teaches us the importance of one word, preselection. Tiger Woods and the rest of the guys pictured are all highly preselected. Tiger Woods can get 6 or 10 or how ever many it is now women because he's preselcted whereas I'm pre-unselected so I can't get any women whatsoever. While most women don't want their partners to cheat, they want men who are preselected enough that they would have the options to cheat and the more options, the better. Thus they pick guys who cheat and STAY with them rather than being interested in a guy like me.
Oh puleeeze . . .
“Consider Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, Janet Napolitano, Madeleine Albright, Condoleeza Rice. “
Other than Rice these are all women that any thinking man wouldn't put someone else's 'male organ' into let alone their own. What a cast of characters to portray as women of power against the backdrop of 'cheaters'.
Why not discuss why Nordegren isn't in jail for domestic violence as tiger would no doubt be if the circumstances were reversed.
“Consider Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, Janet Napolitano, Madeleine Albright, Condoleeza Rice. “
Well by the time any of us 'met' them they were well into their 50's, right? Most former academics or political functionaries of some sort. Not the type of women anyone much 'drools' over. And Rice? Other than being fairly smart? Is the clear ringer here. She proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was the rank incompetent of the bunch. Not much to show for her tenure, really. But this is getting a bit beyond the question.
Why do guys cheat? Why do bears sh*t in the woods? I forget. But they're there doing it. And everyone knws or suspects too. Not changed much since Zeus was doing it either, we imagine. Cheers, 'VJ'
And that's why those women are miserable. Life with a preselected cheater doesn't sound very appealing to me. So Tiger's wife will stay with him for a few more years to make a bunch more money? Let them have each other.
Hey 3dshooter, thanks for commenting. First of all, that list was deliberately tongue in cheek. I exaggerated to make a point, which is that powerful women don't attract men, period. The only ones that do are movie stars and the like, but that is generally based on their looks/hotness alone. They're famous, but generally not powerful. So by all means, list a group of powerful hot women who get the guys – I couldn't really think of one.
Your point about Nordegren and domestic violence is totally legit, but his wife will have the sympathy of the crowds with her on this one. Now, if she had bludgeoned him to death, that would be a different story. But going a little crazy? Many women will sympathize.
Right. So the lesson? Prince Charming is probably a jerk. Beware the trappings of fame, celebrity and wealth – down that path lies misery for a woman. There are exceptions, always welcome, like the President (as far as we know). And there are movie stars who've been married to the same woman for 20+ years – Tom Hanks comes to mind. In general though, if a woman chooses a man of great power, she'll need to watch her back.
Do you really think the wives of these powerful men are naive and don't know that they are cheating? You can't tell me that Elizabeth Edwards was all the shocked or even Elin!! I'm sorry but you do not marry a “poweful” man with blinders on. Politicians and sports figures are NOTORIOUS for cheating and other debauchery, I refuse to believe that these “little women” are clueless to what is going on.
Rebekah, I agree! How could Tiger's wife not have known? They've been married five years and ten women have stepped forward at this point! The second mistress (with the voicemail) said it was 31 months they were carrying on, so he obvs was cheating simultaneously with several of them. Busy guy! I guess he's officially a cad, though I can't say I care…Haha I like the word debauchery – very fitting.
Well, first of all we are you are not speaking to the topic of 'power', but rather that of celebrity and I can certainly come up with a long list of celebrity women who are highly desirable – at least from this man's perspective. I'm sure that most men with real 'power' (politically) are no more desirable than the women you listed.
Also, you seem to give a pass to Nordigren in your response – are you implying that if Tiger had caught Nordigren under similar circumstances taking a swing with the club at hand would be acceptable? Only if he had bludgeoned her to death would it 'be a different story'? Smacks of the widely held double standard that gives women a pass to me . . .
I agree that celebrity that has been won based on looks, and power that has been won politically are two different things. Celebrities of both sexes are perceived as glamorous and have ample opportunities to cheat.
Power alone is generally appealing to women. Men don't appreciate power in a woman – I would imagine most men would consider it a detriment.
I am not giving a pass to Nordigren. I am not intimately familiar with the details of that case, other than that she chased the car, and hit the rear window with a golf club. I also read that Tiger Woods had facial lacerations, but the press coverage has focused primarily on his affairs. That's not to say his wife is not guilty of domestic abuse, I just don't know much about it.
I didn't mean to imply that attacking him would be OK because he cheated. I was merely referring to the press coverage. Obviously, the media has decided that Tiger's philanderings sell magazines. His wife's violence must not be as profitable a story. If she is guilty of abuse, I would hope that she would be prosecuted under the law. I don't believe anyone deserves special treatment on this issue, regardless of gender.
“Power alone is generally appealing to women” is an interesting observation. Would you agree that it is woman's aspiration to power that they cannot achieve on their own merits that draws them to men that have power – that they exploit their physical attributes to achieve what they cannot achieve on merit alone?
“Men don't appreciate power in a woman – I would imagine most men would consider it a detriment. ” While I am tempted to take full advantage of the 'I would imagine' statement, I won't at the moment in the hope that you might see it for what it is – a figment of your imagination.
It doesn't sound appealing to me either, but it must to women because they are choosing to be Tiger Woods' mistress #9 rather than get involved with men such as myself. All that says is that women find guys like me so repulsive that women think its better to be miserable being Tiger Woods' mistress #9 than get involved with men such as myself.
1. Women are drawn to powerful men because 10,000 years ago those were the men who slayed and brought home the woolly mammoth. Today both men and women have opportunities to achieve a great deal based on merit. And indeed, many high-achieving men and women do not possess the genetic traits of dominance and aggression that those early Alpha males did. Our current economy does not always appreciate those traits – indeed, they can be a powerful disadvantage. However, we evolve a lot more slowly than society changes.
Women exploit their physical attributes to attract men because they understand that men are similarly programmed to value signs of fertility: full, dark red lips, clear skin, bright large eyes and a low waist-to-hip ratio. All of our current standards of beauty follow this male preference.
2. Oh, please 3dshooter, I'd hate to see you start holding back now. I say I would imagine because my own power, such as it is, is intellectual, and this is something my husband values highly. On the other hand, I have a good (and attractive) friend who was the first female Managing Director of Merrill Lynch, and she has never been able to attract men. Not when most of them were working for her, anyway. While she is obviously very smart, she had power in the male world of Wall St. No question that was a career boon, love life bust.
Are you saying you have a thing for powerful women? By power, here, I mean a person whose ideas influence a great number of people. I do not include Jennifer Aniston et al.
I don't agree. There will always be women willing to sell their sexuality. And that's what every one of these mistresses is. A glorified prostitute. Now it looks as if he had one in every city. There is no mention of real relationships or intimacy with any of them. Steveo, do you really want to be paired with a stripper who couldn't care less about how you feel as a man? I can see why men would envy Tiger Woods, but I can't see why any woman would envy his mistresses.
>Steveo, do you really want to be paired with a stripper who couldn't care less about how you feel as a man?
I would like to try it. It's probably better than being an (almost) 30 year old virgin who has never kissed and never had a girlfriend. If it sucks I can do something amazing called ending the situation and going back to being alone/single. That's much easier than going from alone/single to being paired.
>I can't see why any woman would envy his mistresses.
Women must because so many women chose to be his mistresses. They didn't have to become Tiger Woods' mistress #34. The only reason a woman would do that is because she wanted to.
Haha, fair enough. I guess most guys wouldn't mind taking a crack at any one of Tiger's groupies.
You need to remember that even if TW has had 1,000 mistresses, this is a miniscule sliver of the eligible female population. Yes, those women wanted to have sex with him. But that doesn't mean that all women would want to have a one-nighter with him. MOST women wouldn't even consider it. We don't want to be someone's cum dumpster. It makes us feel like crap.
This is a great post, thanks for writing
Haha, fair enough. I guess most guys wouldn't mind taking a crack at any one of Tiger's groupies.
You need to remember that even if TW has had 1,000 mistresses, this is a miniscule sliver of the eligible female population. Yes, those women wanted to have sex with him. But that doesn't mean that all women would want to have a one-nighter with him. MOST women wouldn't even consider it. We don't want to be someone's cum dumpster. It makes us feel like crap.
This is a great post, thanks for writing
Women would not want to be virgins.
They would rather be cum dumpsters than virgins.
That’s a ridiculous generalization. Many women ARE virgins and intend to remain so until they find a worthy partner.
I am 32 years old.
How many women my age are virgins?