Hate the Player, But Don’t Blame GAME

Are you familiar with any of these terms? Who originated them?

• Spitting game
• Fuckbuddy
• Cockblock
• Wing
• BF
• Push-Pull
• Stale
• Flake
• Close
• LTR
• LJBF
• Peacock

All of these words and phrases have fully entered the lexicon of American youth, and they all have the same general source:

Pickup Artists

Game has gone mainstream, like it or not. There’s not a straight guy over the age of 15 who doesn’t know what it is, and who wouldn’t like to employ it to get laid.

I’m here to tell you that women can benefit enormously from Game.

Four months ago I would have bet my life savings I wouldn’t be saying that. EVER. Me? Offer an impassioned defense of Game? NO WAY! Well, you know what I always say:

1. Everything changes.

2. You will be surprised.

It’s been a hell of a journey, and I’d like to share it with you.

This was my original understanding of Game:

All of these photos do represent Game in some way:

• Mystery pioneered the Mystery Method for Pickup Artists, and ushered in a new era of male seduction.
• Tucker Max does not employ Game per se, but is a “natural,” and uses his gifts to pump and dump women without remorse.
• Target probably didn’t have this response, frankly. Target was asked first if she’d been chubby as a kid. When she protested, PUA said, “No, it’s cute. I like a little baby fat on a woman.” This was a punch in the gut to Target’s self-esteem, and she spent the rest of the evening seeking validation from PUA, and ended up making out with him at the bar.

Last October I wrote a post called Stop Putting Out for Alpha Asshats, which pretty much summed up what little I knew about Game at that time, none of which was good. I stand by that post – it illustrates the worst kind of behavior by some men. I learned something very important about Game when I published that post.

If you write it, they will come.

Oh boy, did they come! For several weeks I had various dustups and tussles with Game bloggers I had linked to, as well as their fans. I received a number of anonymous emails, some of which had me so unnerved I regretted blogging with my real name. I shook it off, swore I’d have nothing more to do with these “Alpha asshats,” and went back to blogging about other topics. A couple of weeks later, a blogger named Obsidian wrote a post that was an open letter to several female bloggers, including myself. Warily, I clicked through. To my amazement,  I found a writer who sought to engage me in a real debate about Game. He was cordial and civil, also very smart. Most important, he made it clear he was willing to listen as well as speak. He didn’t ridicule me or hold me in contempt. This was the first gentleman I had encountered who was a proponent of Game. Intrigued, I left a comment. That was the beginning of a blogging friendship, one of mutual respect. We disagree on some things, are sympatico on others. We sometimes get quite exasperated with one another, as a look at his posts about me will illustrate. The bottom line is that Obsidian makes me think, and question. I value that.

One of the first things Obsidian did was demonstrate to me how Game is predicated on the principles of Evolutionary Psychology, a discipline that is a cornerstone of much of my own writing. I’ve since read up on the topic, starting with Neil Strauss’ The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. I’d seen pictures of Neil Strauss, and knew there was no possible way he could ever succeed with women. As it turned out, his tale is a Cinderella story. The awkward and nebbishy nerd acquired the social skills to nab Lisa Leveridge, guitarist for Courtney Love’s band The Chelsea, and changed his life forever.

Neil Strauss wanted to attract a quality woman for a long-term relationship. He succeeded by spending time with Mystery, who had developed his method of seduction by going to bars and clubs alone for years to determine what worked and what didn’t when trying to attract women. In reading about their exploits, I was struck by how above-board they were. They didn’t ever use deceit to fool a woman or get into her pants. Strauss proudly conducted Multiple LTRs at once, while being completely open with each of the women involved. Were these women Hooking Up Smart? Nope. But that is not Neil Strauss’ problem. He figured out what they wanted, and he gave it to them. When he found a woman worthy of his love, he didn’t hesitate to make a commitment to her.

How can women benefit from Game?

Game gives “dads” a shot at besting “cads” in the relationship sweepstakes.

Game gives knowledge to men about what makes women attracted. A guy with Game, even if he looks like Neil Strauss, can be successful with women. This is powerful! You know that I’m all about the good guys, and with Game, they can body check a douchebag right out of the way because they have Game + Character. Imagine, you could have all the qualities of a good man, a man who will commit to you, love you, appreciate you, without all the crevasses that nice guys fall into. A good man can learn to be confident, a bit cocky, and funny. He can learn not to show interest too soon, which is always a lady boner killer. He can learn to tease you playfully. He can learn how to ratchet up sexual tension with a bit of friction.

Any complaints so far? Anything here you find reprehensible? In short, Game can give a man the tools to be his absolute sexiest, best self. I mean, duh, can we make Game bootcamp compulsory for all those wonderful, under appreciated, and inexperienced Beta males?

My favorite Mystery move is when it’s time for a guy to leave, and he points to his cheek, and says, “Kiss goodbye.” Love that. Or when you’ve met a guy and you’re getting along and he suddenly asks, “Do you want to kiss me?” Confidence is an aphrodisiac. Game makes nice guys into Bad Boy Good Men. Sign me up.

How can women suffer from Game?

Ah, there’s the rub. Women suffer from Game when it is employed by dishonorable men.

1. A douchebag armed with Game is very bad news for women. We all know that women want to have sex with Cads, and many pay a heavy price for doing so. A natural cad is bad enough (see Tucker Max). A previously unsuccessful male who feels bitter and angry toward women can break hearts ruthlessly if he learns Game. And he will, without remorse.

2. There is one Game tactic I referenced above, that I have some difficulty with. It is called the “neg.” Negging is defined as “an ambiguous statement or seemingly accidental insult delivered to a beautiful woman you’ve just met, with the intent of actively demonstrating to her a lack of interest.” Negging can also manifest as an offer of constructive criticism. Mystery acknowledges that the purpose of the neg is to lower a woman’s self-esteem, though he has said that he doesn’t believe in hurting women.

This is very tricky territory. It’s a natural part of the mating dance, beginning in first grade when that boy punched you in the playground. In every movie where a couple is sparring, fighting, hurling insults back and forth, the couple winds up in a passionate embrace. We like the friction, it’s sexy as hell. Cary Grant and Spencer Tracy were masters of negging. A woman who gets feisty when negged ups the ante and ratchets up the sexual tension. This is a dynamic I employed frequently in my own youth, to great effect (Secret: Guys respond to negging too).

However, a neg aimed at a woman’s self-esteem, particularly with regard to her appearance, is a different matter. You’ve just met her, she doesn’t know your sense of humor, your character, or whether you intend her harm. I consider this unethical, and I urge women to reject any man who comments negatively on any of the following at first meeting:

• any part of your anatomy or features
• how hot your friend is
• how high-maintenance you seem
• how boring you are, how much work it is talking to you

3. A little bit of Game in young, impatient hands is a dangerous thing. Many young men who learn something of Game will employ a couple of tactics in ways that were never intended. When push-pull becomes a whole lot of pushing away without much pulling back in, women feel jerked around. When a guy negs his girl by accusing her of being a slut, he is abusing the work that Mystery painstakingly documented. When guys use seduction tactics to serially pump and dump women, they are practicing “Dark Game.” It’s powerful but unethical.

Mystery has said, “I’m just trying to help guys get in the door.” I’m down with that. I’ve written previously that only 20% of young men are having sex on a regular basis, and I believe it’s in the best interest of women, (not to mention that other 80%) to make more men successful in attracting women. Game can do that.

I encourage men to learn Game and urge them to employ it fairly.

I encourage women to have sex with men of good character. If you can’t be sure, you don’t know him well enough yet. Don’t hand control to your vagina. Your cerebral cortex will steer you straight, and a little backbone helps.

P.S. Please welcome Obsidian to the Blogroll!

KEY:

• Spitting game: when a man employs the tools of Game to secure sexual attraction from a woman
• FB: Fuckbuddy
• Cockblock: a person who interfere’s with a pickup artist’s Game
• Wing: a male friend who assists one in meeting, attracting or taking home a woman
• BF: boyfriend
• Push-Pull: when a men gives woman indications that he is not interested in her followed by indications that he is
• Stale: when too much time has elapsed between interactions, and the woman has lost interest
• Flake: when a woman cancels or no-shows
• Close: achieve desired goal with a woman; can be a number close, kiss close, or full close
• LTR: long-term relationship
• LJBF: “Let’s just be friends”; the statement a woman makes to tell a man she is not sexually interested in him
• Peacock: to dress in loud or flashy clothing to get attention from women

Further Recommended Reading:

http://theobsidianfiles.wordpress.com/2009/11/07/seeing-things-from-a-womans-point-of-view-an-essential-element-of-game/

http://theobsidianfiles.wordpress.com/2009/11/18/discourses-upon-the-game-from-a-personal-point-of-view/

http://theobsidianfiles.wordpress.com/2010/01/21/to-pickup-with-anger-why-anger-rage-hatred-in-the-pua-community-is-deeply-misguided/

Related posts:

1. Getting an Upper Hand Job
2. Can Women Run GAME on Men?
3. I Hate Math, Especially on College Campuses
4. Player or Boyfriend? It’s Written On His Forehead
5. Douchebag Math, or Player Population Control

Tags: alpha male, asshats, game, mystery, Mystery Method, neg, Neil Strauss, Pickup Artists, The Game, Tucker Max