There are few pastimes that Americans love more than tracking celebrity screwups. Of course, celebrities never fail to disappoint. Seeing pictures like these, I’ve often wondered why so many actresses get boob jobs. Victoria Beckham, Tori Spelling and Lil Kim often get ridiculed for their terrible breasts:
Obviously, some men will feel differently (no pun intended) and I do admit to a certain regional bias. Women in the Northeast are far less likely to put themselves under the knife in general. In fact, I know several young women who have had breast-reduction surgery, and none who have had breast enhancements. Still, I spot them occasionally, and whenever I do it reminds me that I need to stop by Whole Foods for fresh produce (Hat tip: Dr. House).
In the news lately is Heidi Montag, a rather wholesome looking young woman who recently had 10 cosmetic surgeries performed in a single day. Consider the Before and After shots:
She has taken those puppies from an A cup to an F! Together with the other changes, I think she looks like a tranny pole dancer. *Shudders* Heidi Montag says she did it for career opportunities, and she has reportedly gotten a couple of new gigs, including a Ron Howard video and a cameo in an Adam Sandler movie. The only problem is, both roles are characters who have had way too much plastic surgery. Translation: she is now officially a freak.
A recent New York Time article describes how studios are refusing to cast women with breast implants. Fox Broadcasting has started searching for talent in Australia and the UK, unable to find any natural looking women in LA. Marcia Shulman who oversees casting for Fox’s scripted shows, says:
I think everyone either looks like a drag queen or a stripper.
Period films and costume dramas have long used only natural breasts, and now Disney has joined the ranks. Casting the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, casting director Sande Alessi has insisted on seeing a photo of every actress in a bathing suit, and says she can guess correctly 100% of the time. No matter what agents claim, Ms. Alessi trusts her own judgment, and has no use for enhanced breasts. Shawn Levy, director of Date Night says:
The era of ‘I look great because I did this to myself’ has passed. It is viewed as ridiculous.
Mr. Armageddon is a blogger who wrote about his preference for natural breasts in the post List of Ugly Women Everyone Thinks Are Hot:
The proof is in the pudding. Fake breasts are a lot like video. Technically, video is clearer than film because it has no grain. But that’s the problem. The human eye has a natural grain, so film–which is grainy–looks better than video. Seriously, close your eyes tightly right now. You’ll be able to see your eye’s natural grain. Now look at a live television broadcast as compared to a prerecorded one. The prerecorded one will look more realistic. Why? Because video is too perfect. It’s the same with fake breasts. Observe:
I don’t care how big or small a pair of jugs may be, real boobs sag. Unless the girl’s chest is as flat as her back, gravity’s gonna kick in at some point. Fake boobs, however, hardly sag at all. They constantly maintain an almost perfectly circular shape, which real boobs don’t do. See?
Don’t buy it? Try this one:
The more apt comparison would have been a woman with small natural breasts and this monstrosity on the right. The truth is that we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and male preferences vary quite a bit. There are many men who prefer small breasts, and others who are much more focused on legs or ass.
I’d been giving this quite a bit of thought when I came across an essay in Real Simple magazine by the writer Anne Roiphe. The magazine asked several women what makes them feel beautiful and she wrote a lovely piece about her late husband, just before he died five years ago at the age of 82. An excerpt:
“About a week before my seemingly healthy 82-year-old husband suddenly died, he emerged from the kitchen ready to go to his office, his face clean-shaven, his eyes shining, smiling shyly, holding the copy of the Anthony Trollope book he was rereading, and said to me, “You have made me very happy. You know that you have made me a happy man.” There I stood in my work outfit, blue jeans and a T-shirt. There I stood with my white hair and my wrinkles and the face I was born with, although now much creased by time, and I felt beautiful.
I don’t believe that inner beauty is sufficient in this cruel world… but I do know that there is a way of being beautiful, even as age takes its toll, that has something to do with the spirit filling with joy, something to do with the union with another human being, with the sense of having done well at something enormously important, like making happy a man who has made you happy often enough.
Ten days after that morning conversation, my husband and I returned from a concert and dinner with friends and walked down our windy block toward our apartment house when suddenly he stumbled and fell and died within minutes. As I waited for the ambulance, I remembered his words, a beauty potion I would take with me into the rest of my life.”