The BEST Personal Development Advice for Women

Grerp's Only Professed Weakness

Regular reader Lisette mentioned in the Comments the other day that she first found HUS through a personal development post. I have done some of those in the past, but they’ve never generated as much interest as other topics I’ve covered, judging by the number of hits and comments they generated. I aim to please, though, so if there’s any topic that you’d like to see addressed please let me know. I’ll be thinking more about this as well.

In the meantime, I’ll point you to the best advice for women I’ve ever seen, anywhere. Grerp is a fellow blogger and regular here, and she’s on the Blogroll, but I wanted to especially highlight her work because I think it is extremely relevant to contemporary women. She has quite a few male fans as well.

The Lost Art of Self-Preservation (for Women)

If you were born female in the mid-1960′s or later, you were probably fed all sorts of erroneous information about how life works, what women deserve, what men want, and what the future will be like. Here’s some actually useful advice to help you survive in this increasingly chaotic post-Sexual Revolution world.

Like me, Grerp sees herself as an older woman giving advice that she hopes will be useful to a younger generation. Here’s why she writes:

My primary audience is 8 years old and calls me Tante (aunt). She is being raised in a stable family with very responsible parents who are daily investing in her abilities and calling her on her crap. She is lucky – not because her family is rich or influential – because it isn’t – but because she has a stable environment, lots of people who care about her, and parents with good values. Still, when she comes of age in 2019, the world promises to be an even more chaotic place socially, politically, and economically. These blog pieces are the things, then, that I would tell her so that she can survive and, hopefully, thrive in that environment. I want her to be able to marry and have children. I want her to have a chance at a middle class life. I want her not to sabotage herself from the get go. This blog is my meager wisdom set aside for her because I love her.

In the meantime, she says, she hopes her advice will be useful:

I know nothing about trendy cocktails, fashion, the club scene, or power flirting. I have always been cautious, a risk-averse person with modest goals. Those modest goals, however, are enough to make most people – people without serious entitlement delusions – content in the long run. They boil down to a strongly connected family, responsible finances, meaningful work, and functional creativity.

If these are goals that sound desirable, I have something to offer in terms of advice, and the younger you are the easier these pieces of advice will be to implement.

Having read most of Grerp’s advice, I can only say that it is eminently sensible and appropriate for women who want to ensure that their 20s are spent in a way that moves them forward in life and love. Grerp’s posts make up a series of numbered Pieces of Advice.

Here’s the list to date:

  1. Stay married
  2. If you’re going to prostitute yourself, at least charge
  3. Show Some Humility
  4. Jettison Your Toxic Female Friends
  5. Don’t Volunteer for Single Motherhood
  6. Encourage Your Children’s Relationship With Their Father
  7. Do Not Be This Girl (Kesha)
  8. Lose the Weight
  9. Take a Sabbatical to a Third World Country
  10. Toss your women’s magazines
  11. Cook
  12. Drop the learned helplessness
  13. Defer/engage
  14. Realize the clock is already ticking on your fertility
  15. Soften
  16. Don’t be a tease
  17. Don’t be these women (marching topless to protest gender bias)
  18. Dream little
  19. Feel free to judge
  20. Addendum to 19
  21. Spend some time in the natural world
  22. Listen
  23. Realize that debt = slavery
  24. Avoid advertising
  25. Say no to the double standard
  26. Watch North and South
  27. Cut the drama
  28. Rethink church as THE place to meet Mr. Right
  29. Know when to walk away
  30. Romance novels can be addictive
  31. Let the other person have the last word
  32. Realize Prom is just a dance
  33. Get a thicker skin
  34. Reinforce the authority of your children’s father
  35. Laugh at yourself first
  36. When managing others, observe first, then proceed respectfully
  37. Cheat-proof your relationship
  38. Count your blessings
  39. Hold off on the inking and piercing
  40. Acknowledge that chivalry is dead
  41. Don’t poach other women’s men
  42. Repeat after me: No one cares about your issues
  43. Recognize the limitations of male-female friendships
  44. Take a good, hard look in the mirror
  45. Don’t get a boob job
  46. Expect and accept that bad things will happen
  47. Do not attempt to get rich off your everyday unfortunate experience
  48. Differentiate between sexual power and real power
  49. Get some experience with children
  50. Realize that your reproductive rights utterly trample men’s reproductive rights
  51. Honor your parents
  52. Drop the princess act
  53. Cultivate dignity
  54. Limit your liquor

Grerp is very direct and she has strong opinions. (The best givers of advice always do ;-)) You may not agree with everything she says, or you may realize that you fall short. In my case, I knew that not only had I fallen short, but that I would always fall short of a couple of her goals, and that’s OK too. Developing oneself is hard work, and it starts with as objective a self-assessment as you can muster. Grerp provides an excellent roadmap to get you there.

Although I didn’t write any of these posts, I did go to the trouble to link to each and every one (every title is live, just click on it).

Grab a mug of tea or glass of wine, and pull up a chair. Then knock  yourself out.

One Pingback/Trackback

  • Lisette

    Wow, thanks for thinking of me! I’ll have to check this out sometime (probably after the bar exam… gulp). :)

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Good luck Lisette! I’ll be thinking of you! Gaaaahhhhhhha;lkdfja;lkdfja;lkdfj;

  • http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/ Hambydammit

    Wow, Susan. My main comment is… wow. I completely understand the immensity of what you’ve done by linking all of these. You are a better (wo)man than I am, Gunga Din. I read through a few of Gerp’s posts, and yeah. They’re pretty spot on in a lot of ways. I really liked her advice for “cheat-proofing” your relationship. Don’t try to scare him into faithfulness. Make your presence far more appealing than your absence. If he values you highly enough, he won’t cheat.

  • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

    Wow! That’s a very kind tribute. Thanks, Susan. It’s interesting to see the list written out. I’m glad I didn’t repeat my imperative verbs too often; that would be embarrassing. I’ve been writing this blog since March, trying to maintain consistency and coherence, and am so pleased that you can recommend it. I realize I am direct. I think we as women have a real tendency to say, “Well, you know, that’s true, but there this instance and that instance that contradict the rule…” That may very well be true, and I am a believer in moving on and trying again, but most people respond to boundaries and rules because they give a useful map. Blur the boundaries, and the map gets harder to read.

    As for my weaknesses, I’ve definitely got them. A number of the above pieces of advice I learned by trial and error despite having gotten good advice and role modeling from my mother and grandmother. It’s just such a tricky world now and getting trickier, that it’s hard to pick yourself up and recover if you don’t start by making sensible decisions.

    Again, thanks so much. That is a nice picture of Richard Armitage, by the way. Very nice.

    • Steve

      Gerp – I just found your blog thru here – and I have to congratulate you on the content I have read so far. Top draw for women who want to take responsibility. The cheat-proof post is about as simple and correct as they come in my view. How refreshing it is to read people speaking the truth with no flowery bullshit! THAT is being helpful. As a side note Im now concerned about all my female friendships. But I think the commenter who wrote “I think guys and girls can be friends, but not without some heartache and sacrifice on the part of one person or another.” was spot on.
      When I read such wise words – I cannot help but wish that there would be some written for males also. Female advice for women is fascinating, but female advice for men is equally. Its weird that Im following womens blogs – I stumbled accross this one you see and Im now into it. Can someone suggest QUALITY mens blogs? Not childish PUA ones.
      And thanks Susan for bringing Gerp blog to my attention.

      • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

        Steve – thanks so much for your comments and kind words. I don’t do advice for men because I don’t feel I can come from any place of authority or experience – sorry! Some of the stuff I’ve written can apply to both men and women, though. I would advise men to avoid debt, for instance, just as strongly as I would women, for instance.

        • Steve

          Fair enough Grerp – sometimes its handy to hear about what women want from men…Thats the type of thing I was shooting for…but I will continue checking out your blog and see what arrives…

        • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

          You know, Steve, I’m not sure women really know what they want from men even. Sad to say. Sometimes you don’t understand what you wanted until you got it…or didn’t get it.

      • http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/ Hambydammit

        Steve, Athol Kay is a friend of both Susan and me, and writes a blog about using solid psychological principles from “Game” and PUA in healthy, happy monogamous relationships. You should check him out at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/ .
        My blog isn’t necessarily about relationships, nor is it specifically for men, but I do talk about dating and relationships using science as a starting point.

        I’ve actually been thinking a lot about “general advice” for men. I’m a long way from having anything like this list together, and frankly, I probably shouldn’t be held up as a role model for men. But there are some things that I think are good advice for young men regardless of what they are pursuing as long term goals. Here’s my list. Feel free to steal from it if you like.

        * Your career matters. The best women want the men with good careers and solid incomes. You don’t have to spend all your time making money, but you should work diligently towards a solid, long term career. The earlier you start, the better.
        * Dependability is everything. If you say you’ll do something, do it. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Be a man of your word.
        * Chicks dig dudes with skills. Find something you like to do and get really good at it. Video games don’t count. Learn an instrument or a sport. Bonus points if it’s something you can show off at social events.
        * The way you dress is at least as important as the way you look. When you’ve figured out what kind of woman you want, dress like the kind of man she likes. Ignore all the people who tell you that people shouldn’t judge you by your clothes. They do, whether they should or not.
        * Practice social skills. Take classes in public speaking. Work on your demeanor and your “presence” in a room. Learn how to smile and communicate clearly.
        * It’s ok to have a girlfriend for fun, especially in college. It’s ok to have casual sex sometimes. It’s ok to have real feelings for someone who can’t be permanent for one reason or another. But in any of these cases, NEVER LIE about why you’re there. Be honest with your lovers. Yes, you will have fewer lovers, but you’ll be happier, and so will they.
        * You are a commodity in a market. Don’t sell yourself short. A girl is not wife material because she’s the best looking girl in class. It’s ok to date the hot girls, but demand more than hot from a wife.
        * It’s not romantic to think about, but relationships are trades of goods and services. Approach relationships the way you would approach any other business deal. Make fair trades and ask for fair trades. If you receive, give back. If you’re not getting enough back, there’s someone else out there who will be better.
        * Look for signs of character in women. Trust your instincts when they tell you a girl is trouble. She is. Maintain friendships with women of character. Their friends will probably have character, too.
        * Never abandon your friends for a girl.
        * Speaking of friends, be a loyal and trustworthy friend. Be there for your friends when they need you, and help them without complaint. You will need them someday.
        * If you’re thinking of getting married, ask yourself this question: What do I gain from getting married? Answer brutally and honestly. If you won’t gain anything *REAL* then don’t get married. Real means real. Things like the approval of your parents, or “you know… it’s a symbol of our commitment” are not real.
        * Don’t let yourself get blackmailed into marriage. If a girl tells you she’ll leave if you don’t marry her, and you won’t gain anything REAL by marrying her, let her go. You will save yourself a lifetime of trouble.
        * Remember: It isn’t fair, and yes, it sucks, but every time you put your penis into a girl, you are risking up to a third of your income for the next 30 years. Practice safe sex every single time, and NEVER think “it’ll be ok this one time.” (Also, NEVER trust a girl who tells you she’s on the pill until you know for sure she’s on the pill.)
        * Remember: The girl you’re thinking of marrying will never treat you better than when she’s trying to get you to the altar. Ask yourself if you are happy with LESS THAN THAT for the rest of your life.
        * Idealism is for chumps. Half of marriages end, but 99% of people don’t think it will happen to them because they’re different. Before you get married, ask yourself if it’s worth half of what you own to pay her to leave. If you’re worth a significant amount, don’t be afraid to sign a prenup.
        * Compatible sex drives matter. Date a girl long enough to know how much sex she wants after the honeymoon phase is over before you even start thinking about marriage.
        * Long term monogamy is a LOT of work, but it is also rewarding in unique ways. When you find the girl who is worthy of marrying you, get married knowing that you are signing on for a job. Your job is to be the kind of husband that will make her want to be the best wife she can be.
        * Once you get married, remember that it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to continue wooing your wife. She fell in love with the guy who was trying to get into her pants. Don’t become the guy who sits on the couch and demands a blow job. Seduce her regularly.
        * Keep yourself fit. You don’t have to be a gym rat, but stay strong, slim, and healthy. It will have a positive effect on all areas of your life.
        * Learn to be good in bed. The size of your penis doesn’t matter, but your attitude, technique, and ability to read your partner’s body language matters a lot.
        * Continue to be assertive and strong, especially when it would be easiest to just give in and suck it up. Conflict is not a bad thing in relationships. Fight fair and admit when you’re wrong. Stand up for yourself when you’re right.

        Hehe… that’s actually a pretty good list. I may run with it.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          You should run with it, I think that’s an awesome list!

        • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

          It looks like a good list to me too. Very practical. I’m a big fan of the practical.

        • Steve

          Awesome list thanks Hamby – some great stuff here…will be checking out your blog also. Yeah I read MMSL – but would also like something more high-brow, broader and less PUA and sex focussed. The Art of Manliness looks interesting…

      • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

        Steve, I’ve read some very good stuff at The Art of Manliness. It’s a bit retro/old-fashioned, but it’s grown very rapidly, and they have a very active group of men there on forums, commenting, etc. (By retro I mean they’ll write up the manly qualities of Teddy Roosevelt, for example.) They focus a lot on character.


        • Steve

          Looks interesting thanks Susan…

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Grerp, you are most welcome! I’m really delighted to feature this list. It’s just so impressive all typed out – a quick blurb and link wouldn’t have gotten the point across at all.
      I’m glad you like the photo. I was torn between this one and another where he was shirtless. In the end I couldn’t resist the come hither invitation he’s issuing here.

      • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

        I think you picked the right pic. He does a great smolder, and it is in evidence here. I used to do a lot of linking for a site I was involved in, and I know how much work it is, so thanks very much for all the linkage.

  • http://www.marriedmansexlife.com Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life

    Grerp is a wonderful blogger and always spot on.

    As an aside, I am quit similar in appearance to Richard Armitage in that I too am a biped.

    • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

      Oh, Athol – you know you’re gorgeous. ;)

  • Vincent Ignatius

    If I have the misfortune of having a daughter, I would send her to read grerp.

    Your blog would be for when she got a little older.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Yes, I’m afraid my blog would get an NC-17 rating. Grerp’s is a better place to start.

    • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

      Vincent – you are too kind.

  • http://the-reformed-tomboy.blogspot.com/ reformed_tomboy

    I like that these posts are very direct and to the point. Definitely a good read I look forward to enjoying in the future. I don’t quite agree with everything, but I like the idea and thought behind it. I’ve struggle in the past to comprehend why women – for one reason or another – never tell their friends the truth. Right now I know a girl whose best friend is only serving to enable her in a misguided attempt to secure the guy she is madly in love with – who has already told her he is not interested in her that way for a variety of reasons. (On top of he already fooled around with her a bit so why would be he bother? He’s already seen everything.)

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Ouch. Honestly, girlfriends are the worst advisers ever. If they love you, they tell you what you want to hear. If they are even a little bit threatened by you, they will undermine your best interests without even being aware of it. And often the girls giving all the instructions don’t have such great results to show for themselves! Ask a trusted experienced woman. Me, Grerp, your mom, someone else’s mom, whatever. Don’t ask someone your own age!

      • http://the-reformed-tomboy.blogspot.com/ reformed_tomboy

        Totally. I try to be the brutally honest friend – and I’ve gotten flack for it, but eventually they come around and realize I was trying to do my best to look out for them. I try not to meddle, but if someone asks me a direct question…

        I’ve learned already that there’s a reason I gravitate to hanging out with a crowd just slightly older than myself. There’s less drama. I’ve also realized why I prefer hanging out with guys. None of this bullshit seems to happen unless there’s girls around lol!

      • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

        I agree. There’s a strong element of competition among girls/women that often leads to either conscious or subconscious undermining of each other’s success – which is why you get better advice from someone older and not competing for the same things. Also sometimes it’ is sort of pointless to tell the raw truth because you know it won’t be listened to or believed but you will get flak for it. Thanks for visiting, reformed tomboy. Hope to see you back.

  • Ric

    Great list. Great blogs.

  • Kat

    It’s refreshing to see sensible people still out there :)

    Nothing much to add other than my praise…

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      I’m sure Grerp will appreciate your taking the time to register your approval! Thank you.

      • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

        I do appreciate it. Thanks for checking out the blog, Kat.

  • verie44

    In general, I agree with almost all of your advice, grerp. The soften one had some interesting comments on it, and I agreed with some of the points the posters brought up — thanks for at least thinking about how to make that one more concrete / applicable to women in male-dominated fields. I am no longer in that category, but I know lots of really great women who are.

    • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

      I really should get back to that piece of advice. I was thinking about it and going to address it, and then the conversation between the poster and me degenerated and I lost my motivation. I think this is a challenging situation.

      • verie44

        I just checked back and men on your blog are condoning violence against women & say they practice it regularly against their wives. It disgusts me. I was curious when you were defending Vincent Ignatius on that entry I happened to comment on, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised now that I see he’s on your blogroll. He spews nothing but hatred against women and it’s completely unhelpful for any woman reading there — it’s the equivalent of a one-night stand: it leaves you feeling gross, sad, and feeling like you need a shower. It’s clear some of his readers are coming over to your community & I can only imagine that you planned it that way.

        It’s definitely enough to make me seriously question most of your advice. How can you give young women advice on how to act when you support a man who clearly takes advantage of them by breaking them down systematically and cruelly? I can’t see how that correlates with having their best interests at heart.

  • Rum

    You want to put an optimistic spin on the male/female thing. That fits my nature, fwiw, but sometimes the tide is flowing the other way.
    The needed adjustment – to get back to somekind of stable reality in this realm – is not going to be pretty and very few women now alive will enjoy it very much.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Actually, Rum, I’m pretty pessimistic overall about the sociosexual environment. I agree that there will be an adjustment, and it’s going to be dramatic. I’ve written about this before – whether it’s political, biological, e.g. a new and devastating STD, or something else remains to be seen. I write, as does grerp, for the women and men who hope to beat the odds and succeed at mating. By definition, that means stepping outside pop culture and making responsible choices that fall outside the majority.

  • CD Ram

    “If you’re going to prostitute yourself, at least charge ”

    That should be number one.

    I am absolutely shocked at the number of non-wealthy single moms out there willing to engage in a “relationship” with a resourceless man, or a man UNWILLING to share his resources if he has them.

    What gives?

  • Pingback: The BEST Personal Development Advice for Women | Hooking Up Smart « Internet Cafe Solution

  • ATS

    Haven’t been over here for quite some time because I felt like most of the posts have been geared towards managing a dating scene that I am no longer familiar with anymore, and felt that I hadn’t anything substantial to contribute.

    That said, kudos to grerp for providing such invaluable insight that single young women should heed. They’re mostly very commonsensical, anchored on the most basic tenet of all–respect yourself. To this I’d just like to add something that I’ve always my nephews and nieces: it’s not just enough to love the one you’re with, you have to LIKE them as a person, too. Or, to put it forth more clearly, if you take away the lust and the love that you feel for someone, is he/she someone you’d actually LIKE as a person? Someone you’d respect? Is he/she someone decent? All too often both genders are blinded by the chemistry/tingle aspect of a relationship, and they overlook red flags that they should be paying attention to.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com susanawalsh

      ATS, I am so happy to see you! As always, your input is right on. Funny, I’ve been thinking about you. It’s the nature of blogs that commenters come and go, but I really do get attached to the regulars, and I often miss them if they’re absent. Perhaps you felt my thoughts halfway across the globe! Law of Attraction!
      To respond specifically to your comment, I think in general we should put much more emphasis on respect. If you respect your partner, perhaps the tingle can come from that. I think the tingle up front requirement is problematic. It’s easy enough in the first days, perhaps, but I don’t think it’s realistic, or even desirable, to have that driving the relationship. As love goes deeper, the attraction changes. One can desire one’s partner sexually in a way that is very different from the early stomach flops.

    • http://grerp.blogspot.com grerp

      ATS – looking over the list, I think the thing I’ve hit hardest is humility. I think our culture produces a toxically inflated sense of pride and entitlement in young girls (on display here). When that expectation and the real world collide, it can be devastating. It’s much better to start off with modest expectations and a realistic view of your own worth with respect to others and work toward improving yourself than to think you’re all that and get taken down by life and/or other people. I’ve also hit respecting the men in your life pretty hard too – which is probably why I have some male readers. Then self-respect, self-discipline, and developing practical skills.

      My husband and my mom both read my blog, and I rely on them to tell me if I go off the rails or become full of it. I know can trust them to do that. :)

  • http://www.queenofrelationships.com Queenie

    Wow, what a list. I don’t drink tea or wine but I’m def. going to grab something , sit and read. I love how it’s mentioned that part of it boils down to a functioning, connected family. Damn, that’s so true. Personally, there’s something to say about a family that is seemingly close, supportive and active with one another. My family is dysfunctional at it’s finest and I would by fibbing if I said that it doesn’t rub off on me. The family structure has been snapped in half in the past decade. Remember, back in the day, all the family basically lived together- kind of like other countries do now. Now, it seems that families are miles apart from one another and there is no influence of the ‘wise generation’. There’s a certain perk that comes with having a close family, having support, learning from the elders and feeling accepted. I think I just went off on a tangent. Family is so important and I think society has pushed away from this, it’s something that I miss but never really had to miss.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Queenie, I think that those who grew up in a family without that kind of closeness fully understand what they’re missing, because they’re aware of other families that seem to function well. American society and our economy necessitate a lot of moving around, so extended families do get separated. It makes one’s nuclear family all that much more important in one’s day to day life. That means choosing a suitable mate, but also being a suitable mate. Neither is easy today. Grerp’s blog certainly helps with the latter.

  • Brendan

    A very good list overall.

    I would say on the “don’t meet in church” thing, that this applies really irrespective of the proportion of men in church. I am Eastern Orthodox, and we are one of the few churches that has retained (and attracted) single men during the past 20 years or so (Leon Podles points this out in his book) — probably because we don’t have any of the creeping feminization happening. But even in our churches, there isn’t a whole lot of matchmaking happening. I think the reason is that the number of choices, in an absolute sense, is too small. The “ratio” is favorable for women because there are quite a few single men who are not “damaged” (yet), but I think the overall social context we live in, where the social world offers a cornucopia of opportunity, makes meeting people in smaller settings like that less likely and less common.

    Things were different when the churches were the centerpoint of one’s family and social life. That time is long gone, for all churches, including ones that have quite a few men in them.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Brendan, welcome, thanks for this comment. It’s interesting – it suggests, as I’ve read elsewhere, that we’re addicted, or as least overwhelmed, with too many apparent choices. That the same man as one of a few in church will come across as less attractive than he would at a friend’s crowded BBQ. And that for some women in particular, the men at the BBQ won’t measure up because they have an idea that some perfectly handsome soulmate is just around the corner. This speaks to women choosing, but I wonder if you think that the men in your church are also not particularly open to the women who might attend.

      • Brendan

        Susan –

        It surely works both ways, I think. The conundrum of “too many choices” has an impact on both sexes, in churches and in other small settings as well.

        By the way, this is “Novaseeker”. I don’t often post under that moniker any longer, although sometimes it depends on what I am saying. :)

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          Welcome back! I have missed your wisdom and your easygoing demeanor. Brendan it is.

  • http://secretcontents.com Vic

    Number 2 advice makes me smile. But this is a great post with comprehensive wisdom. For me, women should be really humble, for it is their key to faithfulness. Humility bring them to integrity, and then integrity provide them security.

  • Jill


    I’m incredibly disappointed you’ve decided to promote someone who believes her dualistic viewpoint works for all women. Someone who thinks “feminism” is a dirty word. Someone who lumps modern women into one catergory — irrational, untrustworthy, man-eating oppressors, with her smug list being the only redeeming antecdote. Should’ve know from the “tsk-tsk” vibe of the title…”The Lost Art…” But I digress.

    With many of Grerp’s entries I felt like I was being scolded simply for being a woman who wants to experience life on her own terms. I am indivdualistic, perhaps, but I’m a civically involved, conscientious, progressive and caring individual. I might get married, I might not. I may want kids, I may not. I might have sex, I might not. That doesn’t diminish the essence of who I am, dictate what kind of mother and/or wife I could be, or hinder my ablility to contribute positively to society. I will never apologize for my sincere needs and independence.

    I have enjoyed “Hooking Up Smart” for the last few months. Yet after stumbling upon this old post and noting your enthusiasm for it, I won’t be visiting again.


    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Wow, that’s a rather extreme reaction. Are all the friends of your enemies also your enemies? I respect grerp enormously – she’s not afraid to speak truth to power. I don’t agree with her on every single issue, but we’re definitely on the same page in many areas. Considering that, I find it interesting that you could enjoy my blog for a few months. I guess you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

  • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger


    Grerp gets it. It sounds like you know she’s right, and it’s got you running scared.

    What parts of her advice prevents you from “experiencing life on your own terms?” Do you think you should follow the drivel in women’s magazines, run up a lot of debt, neglect your health and weight, play the princess, drink like a fish? it sounds like you object to Grerp’s idea that you should have some future orientation in your thinking.

    “I have enjoyed “Hooking Up Smart” for the last few months. Yet after stumbling upon this old post and noting your enthusiasm for it, I won’t be visiting again.”

    Check back in a few years and let us know how it’s workin’ out for ya.

  • http://www.marriedmansexlife.com Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life

    Jill – the maxim is that the closer you are to being on target about women, the louder they scream it is an outrage.

    Grerp is a living treasure.

  • Autumn

    I respect and agree with most of the links I see posted on this site, and the parts of Grerp’s advice you mention here seem reasonable. I clicked over to her site, however and was floored by her recent post “#mencallmethings” (link below).

    I left a rather lengthy comment as “AKS” on the post, but that sort of slut-shaming is the last thing I want my daughters to read. I wonder what she will say to her daughter if she ever has the misfortune of being cat-called, harassed, or raped. Perhaps “you really should have been wearing a longer skirt.”


  • Sai

    I respect the person who does these things.
    I can do some, but not all, and the way things are I don’t see the point any more, but I congratulate the noble person who completes this checklist.

  • TS

    Oh, I joined the party too late. Susan, I got to this post from reading your newer posts in 2012. Gerp’s blog is invitation-only. Has it always been this way?

  • N

    Hi, I can not find where to get an invitation to read the blog. Can you help me?

  • searchingforanswers

    I am really interested to read the posts by grerp- but it seems that I must be invited in order to read them… how can I get an invite?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      I’m sorry, I believe grerp closed her blog. If she gives a way to email her or request an invite you might do that. I haven’t heard anything from her in quite some time.