Brittany, a student at the University of St. Thomas, has written When Dating Philosophies Collide for College Candy. First she sets us up with the background story. (The red flags are mine.)
“Recently, I met a guy… at work – he was visiting the racetrack with a large group of his buddies. They were enduring a bachelor party so had shimmied over on a nice little margarita buzz. He approached me and asked for my number. He kind of resembled Sean William Scott and was super sweet, like the smell of tequila coming out of his pores on his breath.
Smitten, I scribbled it down, hoping I put the right area code. I didn’t expect him to call me that night because I was convinced he was at his tenth strip joint, but when he called me asking what I was doing my hopes took a high ride. We talked for a little bit, but his bachelor party activities got in the way of us hanging out that night (probably because he couldn’t figure out how to get a thong untied from his face).
And now, this girl needs some serious Dating 101. Unfortunately homeboy didn’t ask me to hang out/go on a date beyond our brief bachelor party convo and now all I want to do is ask him myself.”
Brittany does need some serious Dating 101, but not the kind she thinks. What she’s torn up over is the question of whether she should follow a traditional dating model, or “be a big girl” and go get what she wants.
I always want the man to make the first move, because then I can be sure he digs me. But if I ask him out – I really don’t know for sure if he’s giving me a pity-date just because he doesn’t have the heart to say no.
We all have an itty bitty tendency to stick up our nose and bask in the satisfaction/fantasy land that I’ll be fine, the man I end up really loving will ask me out himself.
Behind Door #2 is Brittany’s big girl argument that she should contact him.
What do I have to lose? You get what you want in life because you go out there and get it yourself. I’ve been riding easy on the quote, “You have to go on a limb sometimes because that is where the fruit is.” It really is true; you have to put yourself out there or how are you going to ever know if ‘it was meant to be.’ Guys nowadays like a confident girl who can bust out of the realm and ask someone out. It is that simple.
Of course, Brittany can’t make a decision without asking her wise co-worker for advice:
I say you ask him. If he say’s yes and he likes you, than great! If he say’s yes and doesn’t like you? That is his problem that he has to sit through an entire movie with you.
Okaaaaay. At this point I’m getting a slight headache and I have the uneasy feeling that I’m ridiculing someone who is mentally disabled. I don’t think I can carry through with this critique. Just for fun, I check the comments. First the women:
CR (F): I am constantly stuck between these two philosophies! One half of me is in entire agreeance with you. But the other half has been known to send some really outrageous text messages and hop in the nearest cab to go after what I want (usually after some liquid courage – but this has never ended badly!)
Grace: Seriously! I think every girl is plagued by this. In college and beyond, it’s all “should I be a feminist and ask him?” and you just never know what to do. I finally sucked it up a few months ago and asked a guy on a date, and he said yes, but apparently it was a no go because he canceled the day before. Boo!
Melissa: Oh god. Cute guy at work asked for my number on last monday. we made plans for wednesday and hung out. Things went really well//we both had a great time. Tuesday night I racked up the nerve aka grew a pair of balls and texted him asking if he wanted to hang out this friday (tomorrow) and he hasn’t texted me back. WTF?
Now the men:
Timothy: If a girl asked me on a date, I’d absolutely say yes. I’m definitely willing to spend a few hours with any girl who has the guts to ask me out.
Manonymous: i don’t think there’s anything “feminist” about asking someone out, but if that’s the way you need to think in order ask out someone, then ASK HIM OUT YOU DUMMY!
A Guy: He was drunk and probably thinking “I have a pass from the GF for the whole night! I’m going to bake up some post-bachelor-party pork pie! So he DID ask you out by calling you. You and the other 49 chicks he hit on that day had an 8-12 hour shelf life, that night only. When you waffled (and you know you did) he kept dialing until he found one that was more responsive. Or he passed out in a pile of puke. The moral is: either tradition or you-ask-him will work, but the clock is ticking!
The guys’ comments make a lot more sense than the women’s, but the hands down winner is…… A Guy.
At the risk of stating and restating the obvious, none of the following are a good relationship prospect:
- A guy at a bachelor party at the racetrack.
- A guy who asks for your number without preamble.
- A guy who reeks of tequila, and who will not remember you tomorrow.
- A guy who has never texted or called while sober.
Most importantly, and here’s where Brittany really needs to pay attention, none of the following are a good relationship prospect:
- A woman who values a man’s resemblance to a celebrity.
- A woman who decides that a man is super sweet because he drunkenly asks for her number.
- A woman who doesn’t know her own area code.
- A woman who is has high hopes after meaningless drunk dialing.
- A woman who believes that a man who she strongly encouraged doesn’t have the balls to ask her out.
- A woman who admits to sticking up her nose and basking in self-satisfaction.
- A woman who takes unintelligible advice from a female co-worker. Advice that’s even worse than the crazy logic she’s already employing.
- A woman who does not seem able to read social cues. If he cancels, if he doesn’t text back, if he never calls again, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. EVEN FOR SEX!