‘Tis the Season to Be A Bit Naughty

Back by popular demand!

This was my holiday “card” to my readers last year. No judgment, no “I told you so’s.” Just a reminder to stay safe, and don’t put up with crap from anyone! I’ve decided to take a break until after New Year’s – something I’ve never done before on HUS. Until then, I wish you all lovely holidays!

On the twelve days of Christmas my hookup gave to me:

Twelve empty promises

Eleven jealous biddies

Ten broken condoms

Nine drunken gropings

Eight bullshit excuses

Seven “Now flip over’s”

Six jackhammers

Five STDs

Four walks of shame

Three booty calls

Two limp dicks

and a threesome with my roommate!


If you’re ever going to do the casual thing, I can’t think of a better time than the holidays.

  • Parties, parties, parties where you’re drunky, drunky, drunky.

  • If you’re home visiting on break, you’ve got a built-in expiration date. What happens in Hometown stays in Hometown.

  • New Year’s resolutions are just around the corner, so it makes sense to be bad before you have to be good. That way you’ll see more improvement.

  • Most senior people are out of the office, so you can come in late, hungover, and sext all day long without catching any grief.

The risk of a month-long holiday emo hangover can be minimized by getting naughty with someone who’s actually nice.

Photo: lucidtruth

  • Secretia

    That is the best Christmas present EVER, except keep the 5 std's and the 2 limp dicks.

    Secretia

  • ConfusedChocolateChip

    Haha I loved the little sing along, very cute.

  • susanawalsh

    Thanks, CCC! I hope you will see Cookie over the holidays! Thinking of you.

  • susanawalsh

    Haha, yeah, my personal favorite is “Flip over.”

  • http://kallaydoscope.info/ Kallay

    Hahaha! Too funny! Merry Christmas to you if you can't get online!

  • susanawalsh

    Thanks, Kallay, you too!

  • Decoybetty

    I expect there were a LOT more than 8 bullshit excuses. Just Sayin'.
    You're right though the “flip over”s is definitely the funniest of them all. :)

    Happy Holidays!

  • Rebekah

    This made my morning!!!

  • leftos

    Great poem lol! We had a user on our site ask how to survive the holidays while being alone. A lot of the users chimed in and explained that it's all about how you look at things. There is always two ways to look at everything. There are tons of people who are single and alone during the holiday season. All they want is someone to be with. Use that as an opportunity. Go out, party, socialize, drink, etc. and meet others. The rest of the advice from the users is here (if interested) – http://www.leftos.com/forum/view/443

  • Badger Nation

    “Seven “Now flip over’s””
    .
    Hold on, I had no idea HUS was a gay-interest blog?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Badger
      Ha, Cosmopolitan did a survey of guys about their favorite sex positions and the clear winner was doggy style.

  • PuffsPlus

    Hey, Susan, your girl Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged! Just hit the newswires today. She’s engaged to the ballet dancer/choreographer she met while filming “Black Swan”.

    Oh, and she’s also starring in one of those female-wish-fulfillment romcoms whereby the girl only wants sex but the guy falls in love with her. Saw a preview for it when I saw “Black Swan”; it’s called “No Strings Attached”.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Puffs Plus
      Yes, I saw that! Did you see Black Swan? That movie gave me a “hangover” for about three days. She was amazing in it. Emaciated though – she lost twenty pounds and looked terrible.

  • Badger Nation

    Susan,
    .
    Funny you say that…either The Rules or Sherry Argov had a blurb about their book that made it sound like doggy style was the ultimate example of a woman blindly submitting to a man and placing herself out of the marriage column. I thought that was a bit extreme – I’ve found no real reason to extrapolate personal dynamics from bedroom preferences (except, of course, for not sharing orgasms or some other narcissistic act. What position you like is not like that.)

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      either The Rules or Sherry Argov had a blurb about their book that made it sound like doggy style was the ultimate example of a woman blindly submitting to a man and placing herself out of the marriage column.

      That is ridiculous! Women like it too, for a variety of reasons.
      1. They know the visual turns men on.
      2. They like the idea of showing the hourglass from the back to stimulate the man.
      3. The penis is felt most intensely from this position – sometimes too intensely, actually.
      4. If it’s done facing a mirror, the visual is great for both parties.

      Also, let’s face it – women like to submit in bed. Well, most do.

  • Rhen

    “women like to submit in bed. Well, most do”

    The woman I’m with always liked sex a fair amount, but mostly straight missionary. Very occasionally she has wanted to be more submissive than usual..nothing kinky, just kneeling across the edge of the bed, legs back as far as they can go during missionary, etc. She always seemed to enjoy it a LOT, but every single time has picked a fight the next day about something unrelated.

    This woman is very control-oriented and seems to have a lot of anger. She more and more tries to dominate all our decisions. I don’t need a dishrag but don’t enjoy being pushed around, either.

    I wonder if a woman being uncomfortable with her own submissive side in bed is a warning sign that she’ll be difficult in other ways. Though I’ve also heard the opposite idea, that women who are very assertive in work and life often make up for it by submission in the bedroom.

    What do you think? Is a woman who enjoys some degree of submissive sex a better bet for getting along with?

  • Badger Nation

    Rhen,
    .
    “What do you think? Is a woman who enjoys some degree of submissive sex a better bet for getting along with?”
    .
    I think it’s almost irrelevant given that there are so many other more apparent factors you can use to determine whether you’ll get along with her. It’s difficult to judge one’s personality based on what they do when charged up with sex hormones.
    .
    “This woman is very control-oriented and seems to have a lot of anger. She more and more tries to dominate all our decisions. I don’t need a dishrag but don’t enjoy being pushed around, either.”
    .
    I can’t coach your life but I’d recommend you think about getting away from this lady. Sounds like she’s got a lot of internal conflict and that your relationship is becoming political – regular day to day decisions are becoming opportunities for power games and she’s determined not to be told.
    .
    “Though I’ve also heard the opposite idea, that women who are very assertive in work and life often make up for it by submission in the bedroom.”
    .
    Someone on the manosphere or at HUS recently quoted a study finding that hardcore feminist women were the most likely to prefer a dominant partner in the sack. This fit nicely into a sort of gamer/evo-psych Freudian displacement/reaction-formation theory (got enough buzzwords?), especially those who see feminism as a big shit test to fish out the top alpha males. Roissy would certainly agree.

  • Mike C

    Interesting article that some here might find thought-provoking, especially as a New Year begins, and one potentially rethinks the road in life:

    http://www.startribune.com/opinion/commentary/111695344.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUvDEhiaE3miUsZ

    FWIW, for any of the younger readers, I am about to turn 37 in a few months. Sometimes, it seems like 22 and college graduation were just moments ago. It really does go by fast.

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    @Mike C
    That article gave me goosebumps. It is a warning, but a well-intentioned one. Thanks for sharing it. Happy New Year!

  • Mike C

    Susan,

    Happy New Year to you too!

    Will that book get released in 2011? :)

  • Höllenhund

    You may find this interesting, Ms. Walsh:

    http://www.neilstrauss.com/neil-strauss/warning-rant/

  • Joe

    I hope this isn’t too OT, but this is another interesting article that appeared recently.
    .
    I think there’s quite a bit of wisdom in it.

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    @Mike C
    Yeah, it’s a NY resolution.

    @Hollenhund
    Thanks for the link. You may have heard me say before that I have nothing but respect for Neil Strauss. He is a model of integrity and self-improvement. There were several things that stuck out for me in his article:
    .
    Re guys who try game and don’t succeed, possibly because of inept tutoring:
    They often end up becoming “trolls” and starting “hater” websites instead of continuing down the path of self-improvement.
    Anger can be very gratifying, and some bloggers find many followers using this strategy. However, I have to think that thousands of anonymous followers online can’t begin to compare with one gratifying sexual relationship IRL.
    .
    Re Mystery’s influence:
    By a Deliberate Misunderstanding of the Principles: Largely as a result of the VH1 show the Pickup Artist, it’s become easy for both attack marketers and a student’s cynical friends to confuse Mystery with the message, and dismiss it all as “dressing up like an idiot in a feather boa and doing magic tricks for girls.
    This is what feeds the Lady Raine-type trolls. Ridiculing Mystery is easy – he is a very eccentric character. There have been some good sendups of him, including on SNL. However, once I watched every YouTube video I could find of Mystery, I was convinced that he is a good-hearted soul with a profound understanding of female psychology. It’s important to judge the message, not the messenger.
    .
    This also happens with many female coaches with no understanding of their own attraction process, who simply like basking in the attention of men and then taking their money.
    I didn’t even know there were female coaches teaching game! The idea strikes me as preposterous, though admittedly potentially lucrative. I admit that most women do not understand their own attraction process. This is especially problematic for the women with a taste for the bad boys.

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    @Joe
    Thanks so much for linking to that article about what women want. I also really liked the post just before it about what men want. I think there’s a post there! I can’t help but feel that if women were more tuned in to expressing the admiration they feel for their man, they would get much better results. This is an element of feminist indoctrination that needs to be strongly refuted. Women want strong men, and men want to be strong for women.

  • http://brightstormyday.wordpress.com Mandy! XD

    Wait, this is a joke right?

    This is all facetious, right?

    oh…and…

    “now flip overs?”

    ???

    and what’s a biddie???

  • Badger Nation

    Susan et al,
    .
    It’s very easy to mock Mystery, but if the haters are hating you’re doing something right. Mystery got the ultimate DHV being sent up on SNL!
    .
    From Strauss’ post.
    “The seduction community is dead.
    .
    It has been replaced by the seduction industry.”
    .
    True. Easy solution: never pay for game. Read the classics, get a group of men to commit to improving as a game team and do the work. Stick to free boards and blogs with good communities. Roissy was that way last year but he may be getting overexposed and attracting too much noise in the comments. Most girl blogs are worse than useless for male improvement, but you’ll learn a lot about game here.

  • Chuck Pelto

    TO: Susan Walsh
    RE: ‘Game’, Anyone?

    Believe me when I say this….

    ‘Life’, including ‘sex’, is not, repeat NOT, a ‘game’.

    I guess whether or not one considers it such is based on their particular ‘point of view’. But, that POV seems to change with the advancement of years, a.k.a., maturity, ‘experience’, ‘pain’, etc.

    Regards,

    Chuck(le)
    [Good judgment is based on experience. Experience is based on poor judgment. — Some general officer addressing the assembled classes at Benning School for Boys, a.k.a., the US Army Infantry School]

    P.S. Graduate, 1980. Since then, two marriages shot out from under me by my commitment to ‘uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

    And I STILL cannot figure out why some women don’t quite understand the importance of that concept…..

  • Chuck Pelto

    P.P.S. Loved the 12 Days of Christmas thinkie. The Five STDs thing reminded me of my undergrad work in microbio.

  • Chuck Pelto

    TO: All
    RE: Speaking of ‘Game’

    And whereas I mentioned (above) that Life is not a ‘game’, let me add this observation.

    Rather, from my devote—pardon the expression—’Christian’ faith, combined with 27 years in the ‘infantry’….

    ….I see ‘Life’ as being a form of what we would call a ‘Field Problems Test’ (FPT). An FPT is an ‘exercise’ used to ‘train’ young officers, i.e., the proverbial ‘leaders of men’ on the modern battlefield, in how to solve an insolvable ‘problem’. Sort of like the Kobiyashi Maru scenario in Star Trek.

    The FPT is like this….

    You have a group of ‘candidates’, e.g., cadets.
    You select ONE of the group to be the ‘leader’.
    You give that ONE the instructions into the nature of the ‘problem’.
    You give them a limited time, e.g., a lifetime, to (1) explain the ‘problem’ to the rest and (2) tell the rest how the problem will be solved.
    Then they go out, as a group, to ‘solve’ the insolvable problem.
    In the meantime, while the ONE is trying to develop a plan to solve the insolvable problem, the ‘instructor’ may be giving a side problem to what amounts to a Judas Iscariot amongst the ‘group’ the ONE is supposed to ‘lead’.

    It’s all a ‘game’. But a very serious one. Sort of like Life.

    You wanna play games with ‘sex’? Three guesses as to what you may result with. First two don’t count.

    [Note: My first daughter was a ‘pill’ child. Her mother was on the ‘pill’ but here she is afterall. Go fig….]

    Regards,

    Chuck(le)
    [Play nice. Other peoples’ lives are in your glands…..]

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    @Mandy
    Yeah, just a bit of fun on my part.
    Now flip over’s = let’s try it from the back now.
    Biddy = other women, usually acting flighty and stupid

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    @Badger
    I agree 100% that no guy needs a boot camp. It’s a false promise of achieving mastery at something in two days, which is clearly impossible. There is indeed no need to spend money to learn Game. I did buy Strauss’ book, but I got out Mystery Method from the library, haha! Your taxpayer dollars at work!
    .
    I take your comment about HUS to be the highest praise. Thanks.

  • Mike C

    Chuck,

    Good thoughts. The quote about experience is one of my favorite quotes.
    .
    I agree that life is NOT a “Game” in the sense that it is serious, not trivial, although many people live their lives on a sort of thoughtless cruise control.
    .
    On the flip side, life is a “Game” in that whether the sexual marketplace, career endeavors, financial stuff/net worth/wealth there are definite WINNERS and LOSERS, and if you aren’t consciously thinking about the strategies/tactics to obtain success one will likely end up a LOSER.

  • Chuck Pelto

    TO: Mike C
    RE: The ‘Game’ of Life — the Flip[ant] Side

    On the flip side, life is a “Game” in that whether the sexual marketplace, career endeavors, financial stuff/net worth/wealth there are definite WINNERS and LOSERS, — Mike C

    Even there, it is only a ‘game’ if you think of it as such. But ‘gaming’ people is incredibly selfish. That’s whether it’s the sexual ‘marketplace’….what an ‘interesting’, i.e., sad, way to put it. Or some other venue.

    On a personal level, i.e., based on ‘experience’ (see above), when I became less ‘selfish’, I found that things started working better for me.

    Regards,

    Chuck(le)
    [Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary]