How to Destroy a Relationship

February 1, 2011

How would you feel about the love of your life giving 110% effort in your relationship to make you….think he’s getting ready to dump you. Would you love it? Can you imagine a better fairy tale ending? I’m not just talking about hooking up with the hottest guy on campus, either. No, if  you play your cards right, you may be able to engineer a lifetime of married dread with the man of your dreams!

In a recent post at Haley’s Halo about women’s need for emotional drama, Haley appears to support the claim that keeping women interested means keeping them in a perpetual state of emotional instability about the relationship.

Roissy has discussed at some length women’s need for emotional drama, and why it is important for men in relationships to keep a push-pull dynamic of varying degrees of emotional instability going in order to maintain her interest and attraction.  (I think he typically refers to it as “installing dread.”)

…I think the bottom line, at least for men, is that all women crave some drama, and they will find it somewhere.  Yes, even the most upstanding, drama-free, moral pillar of civility wants drama.  The question a man, particularly if he is a husband, should ask himself is, “Do I want her to get her fix from me, or from somewhere else?”  Because she will find it somewhere.

Naturally, this led me to the Dark Lord’s post Dread:

“There are two ways to guarantee a healthy relationship. By healthy, I mean the girl is in love with you and there is no threat of her leaving; you have all the leverage you need to assure yourself peace of mind and a steady sexual outlet.

  • Meet your soulmate
  • Instill dread

Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it.”

He then goes on to suggest excellent ways to foster this mental health crisis. His list reads like a sadistic adaptation of The Rules:

Cut off communication:

  • Turn off your cell phone at least two days a week.
  • Ignore her calls for a week.
  • Cook her a romantic dinner and then no contact for four days.

Make her jealous:

  • Make a move on her friend.
  • Call her when other women are laughing and shrieking in the background. Refuse to explain.
  • Describe how your ex gave awesome head.
  • Flirt with other women in front of her.

Act like a psycho:

  • When she calls you out on your dick behavior, do the following: “Accuse her of sabotaging a perfectly good relationship, ‘just like all the other women in this stupid city. I thought you were different’. Hang up on her angrily.”
  • “Have a threesome. Spend an inordinate amount of time admiring the labia of the other woman.”
  • Have an affair, and make sure she finds out about it. After her sobbing subsides, do the following: “Tell her she’s never looked more beautiful and you will never stop loving her. Then without waiting for her response calmly walk out the door and break off all contact for two weeks.”

I understand that women like men who are strong, dominant, and refuse to put up with their shit. Indeed, if a man cannot do these things, he may strike out time and time again. But that’s a far cry, a whole other continent, away from wanting to feel dread in the pit of your stomach for the rest of your life.

If you are in a relationship where:

  • You give love freely and it is not returned
  • You are loyal and faithful but worry that your partner will cheat
  • You frequently worry that your partner will leave you
  • Your partner knowingly and callously hurts your feelings

…then you are in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. End it now. Walk away.

The idea that a woman wants, even needs, to be treated like crap to appreciate her man is lunacy. It can only be effective in a highly dysfunctional relationship.

Playful teasing? Sure. Making sure you notice that women are flirting with him? Fair game. Not being available to take every call from you? Of course! Not saying “How high?” when you say “Jump!” Naturally. Calling you out on your own lapses? OK.

There is a very distinct difference between increasing a woman’s attraction and dependence on you by being masculine, and trying to create a “love slave” by torturing her emotions and playing on her insecurities.

Around Halloween, Lifehacker adopted an Evil Week theme, and one of their featured articles was How to Manipulate People. Unlike Dread, it begins with a disclaimer:

It’s worth noting that manipulating people is generally a bad thing to do. Please do not take this advice. Instead, use it as a guide to spot manipulation in your day-to-day interactions and protect yourself from manipulative people. Such is the goal of Evil Week.

The tactics outlined are child’s play compared with the sadistic tricks outlined above, but will give you a feel for how we can and do manipulate one another. Some highlights:

I. Prey on the emotions of others

If you let people think too much they’re more likely to make a logical choice. If you can guide them to feel a certain way—a way that benefits you—you’ll have a much easier time getting what you want.

II. Master your own emotions

A master manipulator needs to be able to act. Shedding a tear when it suits your needs or losing yourself in a fit of rage are both important skills you’ll want to master.

III. Cultivate charm

Charm is an important part of manipulating people. If you’re ridiculously likable most of the time, when you react with extreme emotion it’ll have a greater impact…Because manipulation generally makes the target feel poorly, whether they understand that they’re being manipulated or not, the more they like you the better. Disregard the boundaries of your own sexuality and throw in some suggestive touches when you think they’ll be effective. This tactic is especially effective with people who are lonely and have low self-esteem.

IV. Overcome distrust

If you believe trust is an issue, the quickest way around that problem is to share something very personal and very private with the target…It’s not important that your story is true, but that they believe it. Again, acting is key.

The biggest enemy you’ll have when trying to manipulate another person is doubt. If they don’t notice something fishy about your behavior, they might start to notice that they’re not acting like themselves…If they openly question the way they’re acting, remind them that change is often uncomfortable but they need to go through this tumultuous period in their lives to make positive progress.

V. Conceal your evil nature

You have to seem like a good person, even if you’re not. If you ever need to take a negative action like criticizing behavior, blaming another person (whether it’s their fault or yours), or even yelling at the target, you should always find a way to wrap it in altruism.

VI. Act calm and reasonable when you are discovered

If you don’t react like a traditionally manipulative person, they’ll likely wonder if their assumption about you was correct. In most cases they’ll already feel attached to you and will jump on any excuse to believe you’re truly a good person. Often times “catching you” is simply because of something a friend—or another manipulator—told them. Be smart, be careful, and be prepared to surprise if you find yourself discovered.

Through manipulation, A man may succeed in getting a woman to feel desperate to keep him, but it will not be love that she feels.

How much nicer it would be if we could ultimately, with trust and love, be ourselves.

Have you been in a relationship with someone who thrived on your feeling worried and afraid? Did they succeed?

Let’s hear it in the comments.

Recommended further evil reading:

The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene

How to Be an Effective Liar

Top Ten Secrets of Highly Effective Liars