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57 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life

I could not meet them on a boat.

I will not, will not, with a goat.

I will not meet them in the rain.

I will not meet them on a train.

Not in the dark! Not in a tree!

Not in a car! You let me be!

I will not meet them in a box.

I will not meet them with a fox.

I will not meet them in a house.

I will not meet them with a mouse.

I will not meet them here or there.

I will not meet them ANYWHERE!

(With apologies to Dr. Seuss)


This morning I woke up to find some link love from Harvard Extension School here in Boston. Back in May, I wrote this post and they linked to it for Valentine’s Day in a story about two students finding true love. (They’re #50 on my list.) I think this is one of my better posts in terms of concrete, actionable suggestions.

My husband’s away on business today :(  but I’ve been invited to dinner with my BU girls. Honestly, Valentine’s Day is just terrible. It brings misery to so many people, especially in this sexual marketplace. More breakups happen on February 15th than any other day of the year – not even those in relationships are safe! Here’s my best advice on how to find a partner. It boils down to pursuing your interests and getting out of your comfort zone.


You will not meet the love of your life if you stay home. You may happen upon them if you hang around with your friends sometimes and “do stuff.” You have an excellent chance of meeting the LOYL if you work it. How does one work it? Follow these strategic planning guidelines and you’ll be amazed at how many new people come into your life.

1. Commit to take action.

You’re going to do this like it’s your job. If you do it right, you’ll get a very high Return on Investment, and can retire from dating.

2. Map out a strategy.

It’s time for new adventures. Think carefully about your interests, and which ones offer the best demographics for interacting with the opposite sex.

3. Take bold risks.

  • May eye contact, smile and start conversations.
  • Tell her you think she’s cute.
  • Write your phone number on a napkin and hand it over.
  • Ask for his phone and add your name and number to his contacts.

4. Network.

Meeting people is a numbers game. Tell everyone you know that you are open to meeting someone. At least some of the time, venture out alone. You won’t meet anyone new if you’re showing up with an entourage.

5. Embrace rejection.

If you’re never getting rejected, you’re not risking enough. Sex is chemistry, so you should want to be rejected by anyone who doesn’t respond to your pheromones. It saves time.

Without further delay, here are the best places to meet someone new and potentially worthy, organized by interest:

I. Exercise

1. Yoga classes, especially “hot” yoga, are popular with both men and women.

2. Become a runner, and train with a group. My local running store has groups that depart in the morning, after work, and on weekends. They offer different levels of challenge. If you’re a guy, start out slow to meet more women. If you’re female, work hard to get into an intermediate level group, at least. Often groups will enter races together, train for marathons, etc.

3. Cyclists often have clubs and ride together. If you can find one for singles, even better.

4. If you’re an outdoorsy type, think about a hiking group. I know a woman who met her husband after she ran a personal ad in the Appalachian Mountain Club newsletter.

5. Go skiing or snowboarding. Ski clubs for singles are everywhere. I know two married couples who met this way. Calling “Single!” in a lift line is a great way to meet people.

6. Join a coed sports league. They are common for Frisbee, softball, volleyball and soccer. The coed teams are often more relaxed, with good opportunities for socializing.

7. Go for a walk. This may sound ridiculous, but I frequently walk the same route, and every time I share hellos with both strangers and other “regular” walkers.

8. Play doubles tennis in a league.

II. Arts

9. Join a book club, or start one. Ask three single friends to join you, inviting each one to bring a platonic friend of the opposite sex. Four women, four men is a good size to start.

10. Photographers often have groups, and go out together to photograph a specific place. I saw one such group of people in their 20s all shooting in Harvard Square, and they planned to share their work the following weekend.

11. Go to Openings. Films, galleries, museum shows. Approach the attractive person contemplating the landscape painting with a plastic cup of white wine in hand! In Boston, the Museum of Fine Arts has singles nights, and they are very popular with the 20-somethings. Don’t worry about being knowledgeable. Most people there won’t be experts, they’re more interested in the interaction, same as you.

12. Take an acting class. I did a lot of this, and watched with amusement as major dramas unfolded among the students. This is also a really good way to get over shyness.

13. Participate in a community theater production. Make sure the organization is made up of people who are the right age. Putting up a show is very time consuming, which means lots of time spent in each other’s company, which leads to bonking.

14.  Sing. If you have a good voice, sing in a chorus, a choir, or at open mic night.

15. Go to a poetry slam.

16. Go to small local concerts. Battles of the Bands are good. You want small, intimate spaces, not pregaming in the parking lot before a Dave Matthews show.

III. Work

17. Attend as many conferences and professional development seminars as you can, and don’t hang with your coworkers the whole time. I once linked to an essay by a woman who marched up to an attractive French guy at a conference and chatted him up. They exchanged email addresses and stayed in touch. She liked him so much she faked a business trip to Paris and arranged to grab a bite with him. She grabbed a lot more than that, married him and moved there.

18. If it is at all relevant to your work, get some training in IT, web design or social media. There are lots of smart guys in these fields.

19. If you work somewhere that is mostly single sex, consider a part-time gig in the public eye. Bartending, retail, even teaching an adult ed class are all good ways to interact with other single people.

20. Network at work. Chat up everyone you can at work in an open and friendly manner. Yes, you might meet someone special, but don’t discount the middle-aged female executive whose hot daughter came in for lunch one day. Or the middle manager who might ask you to take over the intern hiring process. Form relationships and build trust. You will find that doors open when you do so.

IV. Food and Wine

21. Take a cooking class, especially one that the opposite sex might choose. Obviously, if you’re a woman you’ll look desperate if you take Cooking for Bachelors. But you could take a one-day Superbowl Party cooking class, or a class in quick dinners. If you’re a guy, think about taking a class focusing on delicious, low-calorie meals, for example.

22. Go to a wine tasting. You can learn a lot, it’s good stuff to know, and they tend to be quite social.

23. A word about bars: Bars definitely deserve a place in the rotation. I know several happy couples who met in a bar. However, they are also high risk. Most men aren’t in them to select a baby mama. If you want to meet a guy, your odds are best by far in a sports bar. It helps if you understand the sport being viewed, and can express genuine interest.

24. Go to popular restaurants where the other sex likes to eat. Steakhouses. Sushi bars. A guy could do worse than to eat at The Cheesecake Factory if he wants to meet someone new.

25. Plan a Potluck Plus One. Invite a bunch of friends to bring a dish and a platonic friend.

26. Become a regular. Casual places work best for this. A pub, diner, or cafe with wifi are all good choices. When everybody knows your name, they’ll start introducing you and networking on your behalf. Or you may encounter an attractive fellow regular.

V. Pets

27. Dog parks are one of the best ways to make new friends of either sex. And your dog will love you for it. This one is so good that if I were single I’d probably get a dog just for this purpose.

28. Walking a dog at a regular time each day is also good. No matter where you live, there is probably someone single and attractive within easy walking distance who also takes their dog out after work. If you can get your dog to poop when theirs does, you have your opening.

29. Some breeds have special events that draw a lot of singles. Whether it’s obedience trials, or crazy Jack Russell racing, everyone shows up to these events in a good mood.

VI. Non-Profits

30. Volunteer at an animal shelter. You may meet a fellow volunteer, a cute vet, or a good person looking to rescue an animal.

31. If you’re female, do a Habitat for Humanity build.

32. Attend charity galas. They’re often packed with singles.

33. Volunteer for an environmental organization, and be smart about the tasks you undertake. Instead of agreeing to write letters to petition a lawmaker, go on a Saturday morning beach cleanup.

34. Volunteer for a political cause. Instead of agreeing to make phone calls from home or go house to house leaving flyers, sign up for activities done in groups. Phone-a-thons are good, as is stuffing envelopes. If you have the skills to be part of a planning committee, even better.

35. Check online for organizations that can match volunteers to opportunities.

VII. Public Celebrations

36. Attend block parties.

37. Go to a parade and stand near someone attractive (and single). If you can find a small town parade on a national holiday, there’s usually a very friendly and casual vibe. Towns near the beach are great on July 4th.

38. Go to see the fireworks. If you have to get there really early to save a spot, so much the better. Bring a picnic and a frisbee, and meet new people.

39. Go to your local Farmer’s Market. Every week. Become a regular.

40. Go to sports games. If you’re priced out of the major league seats like I am, go to a minor league game. I had a great time meeting people in Fort Meyers, FL this year. There were sooo many cute young people there!

VIII. Running Errands

41. Talk to strangers while waiting in line. This is good to do anywhere, but especially at movies, restaurants and clubs.

42. Go food shopping where fellow singles go. The last time I was at Trader Joe’s on a weekday afternoon I saw six hot guys. I wanted to call my girls and tell them to get over there! Whole Foods is also good, but the crowd is a bit older.

43. Get to the Apple store early for your Genius Bar appointment. I always see attractive young people there, all standing around and waiting for a turn.

44. Network by chatting everyone up. I know one married couple who met when a woman cashier at a market waited on a guy, and he thought she’d be perfect for a friend of his. He didn’t say anything, but brought the friend round to check her out. He liked her and his friend made the awkward introductions. It worked.

45. I love the library. I go there about once a week, and even in the middle of a weekday, there are always young people hanging around and working on their laptops. Position yourself strategically near an attractive person and get to work. Or play.

IX. Organized Dating

46. Online dating is not always worth your time, but it deserves a place in your strategy. Limit the time and money you’re willing to invest, but give it a shot.

47. People report that speed dating is great fun.

48. Apparently, a lot of dates are getting made at eye-gazing parties. It’s so intense that it’s an immediate shortcut to sexual tension.

X. Intellectual

49. Attend lectures on topics that interest you. Stick around for the Q&A.

50. Take an extension class – Harvard Extension is cheap and excellent in Boston, and their classes are chock full of interesting people. Most colleges and universities offer programs like this. I took a creative writing seminar there in the evening and there were lots of hot young professionals there.

51. Go to seminars that teach skills that interest young people. Investments and real estate are two popular topics.

52. Get involved with your alumnae networks. Attend functions and meet people from your alma mater who you didn’t know while there.

XI. Travel

53. There are innumerable trips for singles available. The best ones are active. Sharing a common interest and doing it is so much more effective as a way of meeting someone than lying around in a bathing suit at a resort or on a cruise ship. There are many options, including biking, hiking, river rafting, climbing, skiing, scuba diving, sailing and horseback riding.

54. Tag team relays are huge right now. Teams of 12 enter running relays that cover 200 miles. They share the experience and a van. It’s been called a “road trip for adults.”

55. Culinary walking tours are fun and inexpensive, often ending with a shared meal at a restaurant. They’re offered in most cities now.

56.  Volunteer vacations are popular with singles. I had one friend who boarded a Russian ship to Antarctica to study penguins. Another tagged rock wallabies in Australia. Both had flings. Vacations can run the gamut from primitive and cheap to luxurious (Abercrombie & Kent offers philanthropic vacations in the $15,000 range, yikes).

57. Couch Surfing hooks up travelers with guests, and can be a great way to meet people.


Most singles rely too heavily on going to bars and online dating. You need to diversify your portfolio! I’ve given you 57 ideas off the top of my head. Choose four, and introduce one per week for the next month. Stick with your plan, observing the five strategic rules for success.

Don’t leave your love life to chance. Take action, and get control. Action always feels better than inertia, so go ahead and shake things up!

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  • Poly Desi

    Susan, there’s some controversy in the yoga community about guys who go to classes to “meet chicks”. Many instructors and serious practicioners feel it’s offensive.

    Anyway, here’s a funny video along those lines:

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Haha, that’s a pretty funny video. I especially liked him OM!

      The truth is, the “yoga community” is just a sliver of the population that does yoga. The majority of people do it because it is good exercise. They may enjoy the spiritual aspect, but let’s face it – few people are seeking spiritual development as their primary goal when they go to a yoga class. I think it’s a perfectly legit place to meet new people of either sex, and it doesn’t have the creepy vibe that some women feel being ogled at gyms. Behavior like this guy Ogden in the video would never be tolerated in class!

      • Poly Desi

        Believe me, there are creepy guys in yoga class too. Everyone can sense if you are there because you genuinely interested in practicing yoga or you are there because you want to check out women and hopefully get lucky.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          I go to yoga because it burns a fair number of calories and it feels really good to stretch. To be honest, I’m not one for a lot of Om and Namaste. I go to a class that’s all women, but we’re all quite friendly and chat before class. I don’t see anything wrong with going for all of these reasons. Why should it be any different in a coed class? Maybe you’ll strike up a conversation before or after with someone you have a lot in common with. I’m not talking about hitting on people or going to exercise in hopes of “getting lucky.”

          The whole point of the article is that the more you get out and live – explore and learn – the more people you’ll meet. And the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you will meet someone of the opposite sex. And the more of those you meet, the better the chance that you may be attracted to one, and so on. Doing something that interests you is good because, by definition, you’re meeting people who you have at least one thing in common with.

          PIcking up chicks in yoga is at one end of the spectrum, and deeply spiritual yoga practice is at the other end. I’m really talking about the middle ground here.

  • PJay

    Don’t date someone at work. Those of us male executives who are hit on by you ladies are terrified of potential lawsuits and will usually say “no”.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Good point. I was surprised to read recently that a study showed that 74% of the sample had dated someone from work. Whenever you put young people together, sexual attraction is inevitable. If you’re going to go down this path, it should never be with a superior, and it should be taken “offline.” No romance at the office.

  • snowdrop111

    Here’s how I met mine, after 10 years of going to the same environmental organization where I wasn’t meeting him:

    I made a new woman friend who for some reason I wasn’t embarrassed or guarded about talking about this in person. My environmental club friends, for some reason, seemed to have it so together and I had been through a bad breakup and got embarrassed about talking to my “have it together” friends about guys.

    But the new friend, for some reason, I was more willing to talk to about this stuff. Interestingly, she is African-American and anti-hookup. She said she was tired of Latino guys trying to get her into the sack because Latino women wouldn’t and she felt the Latino guys thought African-American women would. Stereotypes about who will hop into the sack just aren’t always true! at least where I live, I have been coached against hopping into the sack by African-American and Latino women. Anyway.

    This woman friend had been hurt in the past and wasn’t having any of it. She was very guarded and not wishing to date. We talked about her issues too. One day she sent me an email that was kind of “I know YOU are interested in meeting guys…(implied: whatever for?) … so here’s a new group that is starting.” I went to the new group which was a political discussion group and met the right guy for me at one of the first meetings. This follows what someone else said : If you aren’t meeting the right person, change up the venues you go to. This venue doesn’t *seem* different from the venues I had been attending, but the crowd *is* different just slightly. It seems to me the political discussion group is just slightly more easygoing than the environmental group. This town isn’t all that big, but I don’t often see the same faces at the same events. So I would say don’t stick to the same venues…go to something new.

    My pet peeve is fellow single women who won’t go to something unless and until they are told there is an interesting guy there. They want me to keep an eye out and call them if there is a guy who attends this regular venue who looks promising.

    The big problem with that is I didn’t think the guy I met seemed right for me until several weeks or months of getting to know him. The best things about him don’t jump out on the surface…and probably that’s true of me as well. Just going by externals, a woman would probably dismiss him…and he’s wonderful. He has a steady job and is very smart, but eccentric. He doesn’t have a car. If I called one of my single friends and said there’s a guy here who’s funny and a great conversationalist, a positive attitude, loves women, and just listed a few of his good qualities, and they didn’t like one of the (in my opinion surface) qualities they would be mad at ME. They would be like “Why should *I* consider a guy without a car?” I’d catch hell. I have tried to explain to some of my single friends why the perfect guy with everything on their checklist is not out there, but they aren’t buying it! Now, I wouldn’t think a boring opinionated loudmouth was right for them. But they want me to call them the minute a guy who seems to have all the externals happens to attend the venues I attend. He doesn’t exist!

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      I made a new woman friend who for some reason I wasn’t embarrassed or guarded about talking about this in person.

      This is huge. It’s hard to tell people that you’re looking to meet someone new, but it’s enormously helpful. One of the reasons professional networking is so effective is that people genuinely like to provide assistance if you ask them. You ask them to help you overcome a challenge, and it feels good to them if they can provide help, even if it’s just in the form of keeping you in mind and offering some encouragement. So often we’re shy or embarrassed to say we are looking for a mate, but we shouldn’t be. It’s the most natural desire in the world.

      I think you’re also right about taking time to get to know someone. Yesterday I hosted a big graduation party for my “BU Crew.” There was a couple there who met five years ago, right after college. For two years, they hung out platonically, and became very close friends. Then they acknowledged their mutual attraction (which had been present from the beginning) and started dating. They’re now both going into the job market, planning to stay together no matter what. There is no doubt in my mind that they will marry and stay married. Most people would not envy a five year process, but the truth is they are happy and grounded, and they’re only 27.

      As for women asking you to scout for them? That’s ridiculous, what a terrible strategy! Who would trust someone else to decide what’s attractive? Obviously that focuses completely on externals. It’s one thing to ask your friends to introduce you to promising friends, but asking you to alert them if a promising guy shows up? Ha! Take the promising guy for yourself!

  • snowdrop111

    By the way, the regularly occurring event where I met the right guy…it’s now on Meetup (which is a great way to meet people I think)…here’s what happens…all these women come *once* and never come back. I think a lot of them attend once to see if there are any great guys there and there weren’t the one time they went so they don’t come back. I think becoming a regular is a good idea.

    Here’s another pet peeve…people who know of a group meeting such as a discussion group and they come to the venue but hang out at another table just to look at the people and decide whether there is anyone good-looking. If there’s not, they never walk up and introduce themselves to the group. This is like people who arrange to meet an online date and drive by to look at the person and if the person isn’t good-looking, they drive on by. Some of the people who do this are themselves not good-looking. I think they are too terrified of even talking to or being seen with a person who isn’t as good-looking as they would like…maybe they know that they themselves aren’t good-looking either, but they’ve made a mental calculation that they’d rather be alone than spend some time with a person who doesn’t fit an image they have in mind. The thing is, after you get to know a person, they can be good-looking *to you.* For example, my boyfriend is very hairy. The kind of hairy that is made fun of in popular culture these days. It didn’t used to be made fun of but for some reason, in the last few years, people make total fun of guys with very hairy backs, chests, arms. This guy is like a bearskin rug! *NOW* I like it. But when we first met, I admit there was a time when I was taken aback because of the cultural conditioning out there. I think I was wrong to be so influenced by the cultural conditioning–but the last few years the cultural conditioning has seemed to be extreme Seinfeld “SHE HAS MAN HANDS” When those characters were too picky on Seinfeld, it was supposed to be funny…but in the last few years people seem to talk as if it’s completely normal to reject someone for a feature such as being extremely hairy…as in “Why doesn’t that person know it’s a class marker” etc. My point is now that I’ve gotten to know him, I like his hairy body. People today don’t seem willing to put in the time to get to know someone and let good feelings grow from their inner qualities. I am not sure I could fall in love with someone with extremely bad breath or something else but I fell in love with someone over time as I was told that women can. When I tell my women friends that a woman can fall in love over time with a guy she didn’t like at first, they hit the ceiling. My *married* friends often say they didn’t like their husband when they first met though. Hmm…. sorry so long-winded and pompous.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Ugh! That is so obnoxious! Coming to a political discussion group to check out the eye candy when you have no interest in politics! These women must reek of shallow desperation.

      Haha, I love your hairy guy story! My son has a friend who is a big guy, and quite hairy. He’s very masculine, but doesn’t do that well with girls in his crowd. However, he has found that older women love him, and he has had several relationships with women around 30 (he’s 23). In particular, older women love his hairy chest. He started dating a Russian woman seriously after she practically ripped his clothes off, exclaiming, “You are like beast!” So I agree that it’s cultural.

      • Michael

        These women must reek of shallow desperation.

        What is wrong with that?

        I could use a few desperate women.
        .-= Michael´s last blog ..Michael was tagged in this photo. =-.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          What is wrong with that? It’s disrespectful to everyone who is there for real intellectual debate. If you’re into joining activities in hopes of meeting desperate women, I can imagine that you are extremely unwelcome. You’re better off checking the sex ads in Craigslist.

          Michael, your comments read like spam. Stop or I’ll ban you.

      • Poly Desi

        “Coming to a political discussion group to check out the eye candy when you have no interest in politics! These women must reek of shallow desperation.”

        How is it any different than guys going to yoga class to check out women, like you suggested?

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          The point is that you should do things that interest you and will in turn make you a more social and interesting person! I’m not promoting going out to pick people up. Being genuinely interested in yoga or politics, and hoping to meet like-minded people is a far cry from always being on the make. Guys going to yoga just to check out women also reeks of shallow desperation (see Ogden).

      • Snowdrop111

        Ha Ha Ha! My hairy boyfriend is a big ol’ snuggly cuddle bear. Unsolicited back rubs just for back rubs’ sake. He talks my ear off. He can’t wait to tell me about his day and everything he’s reading, and he builds me up and thinks I’m smart. Three qualities that have been extremely hard for me to find. He wasn’t wearing an “I spoon and snuggle all night” sign when we met. How would I have known there was a snuggler in our midst if I had immediately gone by the usual surface image things? He is well-educated and well-traveled, but that didn’t immedately show. He is completely unaware of the usual ways people trumpet those things because he is from a blue-collar background. He works in a job which also doesn’t bring him into contact with the upper middle class. But he’s sweet and kind (as well as smart and educated.) This kind of guy can usually be found holding court at their favorite watering hole–not there to scope out chicks, but to match wits with their fellow (whoever their favorite novelist is) enthusiasts. Many are very smart, very kind and decent, very witty, very slovenly, and very lonely.

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  • vera44

    I love this list — I hate those people that say, “it happens when you’re not looking for it.” Bullshit. That feeds into the “I’m so wonderful that someone picked me out of a crowd when I was grocery shopping / came from the gym sweaty” and leaves a lot of women waiting for prince charming to find them. You have to beautiful for that to work for you. And a lot of times when someone does pick you randomly walking down the street, you don’t necessarily click with the guy. Those times when it’s just worked out between two people, it’s been dumb luck, honestly.

    What about all those people who were looking for boyfriends and found them? They’re not exactly advertising, I was desperate for a man, and finally found this one!

    Everything worth having is work, that’s what I say.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Ah, vera, we are on exactly the same page. It’s clear from your comments over time that you are smart and practical about these matters. Romantic fairytales are just that, and those stories are uncommon. In the 40s, some Hollywood director found a beautiful young woman sitting on a stool at the drugstore ice cream counter and turned her into a star (Lana Turner). After that, every drugstore in LA was filled with pretty girls on stools for years, just waiting to be discovered. That’s like buying a lottery ticket as your primary investment strategy.

  • http://www.decoybetty.com Deidre

    I once read somewhere that when someone is unemployed they make finding a job their full time job. Which is true. but when someone is single they just whine about being single instead of making finding a partner their full time job. Which is I think is totally true! But I think there is a caveat here. I think it’s important to be hopeful and do new things to meet new people and put yourself out there (I moved to a new country, joined swing dancing clubs, and took classes by myself, I went to yoga classes, and attended lectures, and did everything on my own), but it is so important to do these thing for yourself too! There is no point in joining a running club just to meet men if you hate running. Or if you don’t care for art – attending lectures at a museum is silly. I guess doing things just to meet men is not a good enough reason to do stuff in my opinion.

    I met the love of my life on line – but we tell people we met at uni because we should have met at uni. We were at the same one – we were studying similar things, and we share the same interests (mostly – although I think golf is stupid and I am not afraid to tell him that.)
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..So, my boyfriend isn’t ALWAYS a jerkface…just you know – that one time. =-.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Deidre, this is such an important point! I thought about including this point about self-development in the post, but didn’t, so I’m glad you made it. The truth is that even if you didn’t meet someone to date right away, you’ll meet all kinds of interesting people. You may make a great new friend like Snowdrop described above. And you’ll be learning something new, and becoming a more interesting person yourself. It’s like compound interest – it just keeps building and good things happen.

      Doing things you don’t even enjoy just to meet a man seems cynical, and so dishonest! If you’re at the museum lecture, and you meet someone who is really into art, they’re going to figure out pretty quickly if you have no interest in it. People will be curious as to why you choose to participate in anything. If the answer is “to meet a guy,” that will come across and you’ve blown it.

    • Poly Desi

      Then how come you didn’t meet at Uni???????

  • http://ft.com VJ

    The shorter version: ‘You’ve got to search widely & Hunt them down!’ Something never change. Cheers & Good Luck!, ‘VJ’

  • http://omegavirginrevolt.wordpress.com white and nerdy

    Attend as many conferences and professional development seminars as you can, and don’t hang with your coworkers the whole time.

    Putting aside how women want nothing to do with me and how I have given up trying to find a girlfriend, work conferences only make sense depending on your field. In my line of work conferences are heavily male. Meeting a girlfriend is highly unlikely. While making contacts with other guys at my work conferences is good for my career it doesn’t help with meeting women. A lot of these guys are in a similar boat as I am.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Right, I get that. There’s obviously no way all 57 ideas on this list are right for everyone. All I really suggested was that you pick 4 and give it a try. If you have given up completely, you won’t do it. But rather than trying to find a girlfriend, I suggest actively pursuing several interests, and interacting with as many people as you can. Let go of the specific agenda and try being and open and friendly person. It’s a start.

  • Michael

    I notice that hanging out at the grocery store is not on the list, despite the fact that I have heard people suggest it.

    I wonder why. Could it be loitering at a grocery store from open to close to find someone who can be a boyfriend or girlfriend not not be such a good idea?
    .-= Michael´s last blog ..Michael was tagged in this photo. =-.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      #42 is about food shopping. Loitering is creepy, hanging out at a grocery store all day is beyond creepy. Just go buy your food and strike up a convo if the opportunity arises.

      • Michael

        #42 is about food shopping. Loitering is creepy, hanging out at a grocery store all day is beyond creepy. Just go buy your food and strike up a convo if the opportunity arises.

        So it would be a good idea to buy items one at a time, to maximize our visits to the store and meet as many people as we can?
        .-= Michael´s last blog ..Michael was tagged in this photo. =-.

        • vera44

          I just checked out your photo, Michael. You’re actually pretty good looking, you have a square jaw which a lot of women will find sexy. And it’s not really about looks anyway for most women, there are a lot of ugly alpha males that are pulling girls left and right. I suggest you try three things:

          1. Lose the glasses & check out the hairstyles here: http://www.askmen.com/fashion/fashiontip_300/322_fashion_advice.html. I would say any of them are great except the last one (a lot of women are not big on long hair on guys)

          2. Try to make more money / get a prestigious job if possible

          3. Learn game. This is the biggest one. The other two will help you, but only marginally.

          You have something working against you that other guys don’t, and that’s your race. I’m sorry if it’s not PC to say, but it’s just a fact that a lot of girls (including asian girls) don’t like asian guys. That means you have to be better than the other guys to get the same level of attention. It’s not fair, but it’s the way it is.

        • Michael

          2. Try to make more money / get a prestigious job if possible

          This is what I have been trying to do.

          You have something working against you that other guys don’t, and that’s your race. I’m sorry if it’s not PC to say, but it’s just a fact that a lot of girls (including asian girls) don’t like asian guys.

          I do not like Asian girls, so that makes me even with them.

        • verie44

          Yeah, I can understand that — everyone is entitled to their preferences. A lot of my african american female friends feel like you do as well, they’ve started shying away from african american males. Their reasons for doing so are less because of preference though, and more because they are tired of getting rejected in favor of other races / having black men complain about everything that’s wrong with black women.

        • Poly Desi

          ” And it’s not really about looks anyway for most women, there are a lot of ugly alpha males that are pulling girls left and right.”

          Names????

        • verie44

          I know a lot of guys personally, but famous examples? Donald Trump, Jay Z, practically every rapper ever, Kid Rock, Jack Nicholson, Salman Rushdie, Tommy Mottola. I mean, the list goes on and on.

        • Poly Desi

          These guys are rich and famous and we can rightly assume many women “use” them for their money and fame, as well as a ladder to their own success.

          There’s a lot of drama involved and very little “love”. Ordinary guys are looking for women to “love and accept them unconditionally”, just as women are looking for the same. Ordinary people don’t really wanna be “used” in the way that rich and famous people get accustomed to.

          Plus, some of them weren’t bad looking when young.

          But which women are running after Jack Nicholson these days?

        • verie44

          Well, why did you even ask the question in the first place if you’re just going to discount all famous people? You’d just have to take my word for it that I know ugly alpha males, and how else would I use an example you would know? It seems like you’re just trying to argue for the sake of arguing.

          Also, you’re wrong on women running after every rich & famous guy. There is a formula that a lot of women seem to go for — that’s the alpha male attitude. If what you were saying was true and money / celebrity does it for women, why does Ken H0w3ry (a personal friend of mine — I added the numbers so it won’t come up in google search) and a founder of Paypal who is a celebrity in his field, so rich you wouldn’t believe it, and a decent looking guy in his early 30s, still struggle to find a date? The guys I picked in the list above are definitely alpha males, they have achieved a level of success and money (as alpha males are wont to do), but not all of them are famous or extremely well-known in any capacity. Many of the rich tech guys are more famous and they are struggling in the dating world — my friend works for a matchmaking agency in silicon valley, and it’s an issue.

          “Plus, some of them weren’t bad looking when young.”
          Disagree. They’re all ugly, and they all were when they were young as well, especially in comparison to the gorgeous actors they were competing against for the women they dated.

          “But which women are running after Jack Nicholson these days?”
          The man is 73 years old — I doubt he’s as interested in chasing tail at this late in the game. But just 10 years ago, he was definitely still in the game — dating Lara Flynn Boyle, who was less than half his age.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          Verie, I cosign everything you say here. I know many ugly Alpha males. In fact, young women have a term for them: Sexy Ugly. These guys get with really, really attractive women all the time, and they do it with pure attitude. In fact, they’re so good that women mistakenly assume that they’ll be nice and grateful for the opportunity – wrong. They’re some of the worst players ever.

          PD is flat wrong about this.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          Haha, I just want to say that Salman Rushdie caused an extra shudder.

        • Snowdrop111

          Yes, and that gives me an idea. You could blog about it.

          I think if the person had the right cute personality, they could start a blog about just about anything, including, “Today I went to three different stores to check out the chicks. Sigh, once again, no chicks, but here is what I am making for my lonely, solitary dinner.” If it were written in a cute and engaging manner, I could see that working.

  • reformed_tomboy

    Definitely saving this for when I have some more time to commit to activities. I’ve been looking at the co-ed sports thing because I’m very athletic and into that sort of thing. The issue for me is I still play high level competitive women’s soccer in the summer which sort of eats up a lot of nights during the week. Great for my fitness levels, not great for meeting guys since I’m playing against other women and the only guys who come to maybe watch are boyfriends/husbands of girls on the teams lol.

    I’ll attest to the theatre leading to bonking though. Every single show I’ve ever been in since high school (and I’ve been in a few) there’s always at least one showmance. Sometimes they even last and continue. I’ve had one sort of fling myself off of that which was simply a huge build up of tension and then opening night after a cast/crew party we ended up leaving together and then making out. There’s something about standing backstage in the shadows behind curtains that just heightens everything. In that particular show there was one extended dating relationship that developed and lasted the next 4 or 5 months, there was one hook-up/FWB thing that began at the start of rehearsals and fizzled out within about 2 months, other random one-night stand type things…it was ridiculous!

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Haha, yes it’s true! I’m sure it has something to do with the adrenaline rush from performing. You sound like you already have the right mindset for getting out and meeting people, which is 80% of the battle. It’s awesome that you’re such a great soccer player – JEALOUS! I can see why that is a priority, but when you do move on, you should definitely switch to a coed league. Because you’re so good, you’ll be in high demand, and have immediate cred with the guys on the team. In the meantime, any chance of a cute coach, like in Bend it Like Beckham?

      • reformed_tomboy

        Not a chance on the coach thing at all…lol. Aside from my three coaches being married, they’re also all way older. The head coach is in his 60s and the trainer is in his 40s at least (he might have hit 50 recently…not sure). The youngest of the three is 35 with 2 kids.

        Maybe someone’s cute brother will come to a game though…

        Personally though I will attest to it being hard to actually find enough time to commit to something that would lead to meeting new people. But I also tend to be committed to a team, show or a part time job. Out of the three the only time I might meet someone is the show and I actually gave it a go in my most recent show, but got the “I like you as a friend” speech yet again.

        One word of warning on shows though – there are always about a bazillion girls and never enough guys. So ladies – be prepared for competition to be fierce at times. And there’s always that one single guy who everyone seems to key on. If you want to get in with the guys though one way I’ve done it is I know how to play a decent game of poker. Backstage before show or even between scenes if we have a long break, we play a few hands of texas hold ‘em. But know what you’re doing. They get really annoyed if you’re just screwing around and giggling like idiots.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          Oh boy, you live up to your name with this poker talk! For someone who’s just too maxed out to introduce new interests or activities, I would say focus on maximizing both the quantity and quality of random encounters. I doesn’t take five seconds to make eye contact and smile, or to make a funny or friendly remark in line at the grocery store. One is never too busy to make a new acquaintance. Or even fit a new man into one’s life ;-)

        • reformed_tomboy

          I try…lol

          The funny thing is I understand guys fairly well, I just never seem to move beyond something platonic. I’ve done a lot of the falling for a friend thing and getting the ‘just friends’ talk. I’ve gotten slightly better at being more girly, but I’ve developed a policy of making sure anything I do, I do first and foremost for me. I’m not going to pretend I’m something I’m not just to catch a guy’s eye.

          For me it is hard though to draw the line between platonic/romantic anyway because I misread signals when they’re coming at me. I can sit back and read body language when guys interact with other girls but with me? Nope – too close to the action. You pretty much have to hit me over the head with it for me to know if a guy is flirting with me. Been trying to work on that, as well as working on girl-ing it up a bit. Slow progress, but some progress.

        • Poly Desi

          And guys think this only happens to them.

          They think every woman is just sitting back enjoying a sensuous carousel of whomever she chooses while they, the men, suffer in silence at getting the “let’s just be friends” talk.

        • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

          That is so true! Guys often fall into the trap of thinking that because a woman can have sex whenever she wants to, she’s got it made. They fail to understand that’s not what women value most. In fact, the women having casual sex have to get drunk to see it through much of the time.

        • reformed_tomboy

          Guys definitely are not the only ones to get the ‘just friends’ talk. In the past 2 years or so I’ve been on the receiving end of that talk four specific times. I’ve given it once – and it was done because I was still really hung up on someone else.

          It sucks – but surprisingly I am still really good friends with all four guys in question. One of them has become my go-to straight guy for advice on certain things because we’ve developed a habit of being totally honest with each other. Probably helps that we live on separate continents now though lol.

        • Poly Desi

          Plus, we can have sex whenever we want to, but not always WITH WHOM we want to!!!

          LOL

        • Snowdrop111

          Hey Reformed Tomboy here is a tip on girling it up clothes-wise without giving up jeans, slacks, whatever…silk blouses or “big shirts” that are shiny. I am not all that pretty anymore and the only time I get looks is when I wear a shiny silk “big shirt” with that sheen only silk has, and guys are mesmerized. I am not talking about these modern op-art or geometric prints made out of some kind of jersey whatever, but real silk. I sound stuck-up but it’s not me. It’s the shiny silky fabric and the kinds of color that silk takes. It can be feminine without being old-lady. Well maybe it is a little old-lady. But in my experience guys see a shiny satiny or silky fabric with that sheen and go into some kind of trance.

  • http://omegavirginrevolt.wordpress.com white and nerdy

    If you have given up completely, you won’t do it. But rather than trying to find a girlfriend, I suggest actively pursuing several interests, and interacting with as many people as you can. Let go of the specific agenda and try being and open and friendly person.

    I have given up completely. Well, it’s more accurate to say I recognize that women want nothing to do with me so why should I waste time on such a useless quest? The only agenda I have is survival. Women don’t want me, but they are unable to stop doing things like making up sexual harassment lies against me.

    I have plenty of friends (all men) who are in similar boats to me. Trying to meet women in opening up more trouble. I get enough of that at work.

    • PJay

      Good Lord!!! The plight of all men is to constantly meet women AND always get in trouble.

      You are only half way there – why stop now?

  • Dilithium

    In general, this is very much along lines I’ve suggested before (and so naturally I agree): for meeting people try to spend time at events/activities of some substance, rather than a sterile meet-market environment like a party or a bar.

    With that said, though, I cannot help but link to this classic Dilbert comic:

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1991-01-24/

    This pretty much describes my experience (admittedly somewhat dated, and I hope things are better now): from something like age 14 to age 35, I don’t think I was ever in a room or meeting or at an event of any kind — classes, parties, dances, bars, clubs, hikes, sports, music, you name it — where there were more women than men present (including, contra tomboy above, working backstage at theatre performances). The simple truth, at least back then, was that men made a bigger effort to get out in public and look for women than vice versa — there’s a reason that women drank for free on “ladies night” but there was never a “gentlemen’s night.” We always imagined that there must be some antipode where all the single women were gathered, but wherever that was it was certainly well-hidden and unadvertised. I do hope things are better now….

    PS As a bonus, here are a few other early Dilberts on dating and related subjects that you might enjoy:

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1989-08-14/

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1989-09-26/

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1989-10-11/

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1989-10-13/

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1990-04-20/

    http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1990-05-08/

    • reformed_tomboy

      I want to know what shows you worked on that you had mostly male cast/crew. Anything I’ve done since high school has always been very heavily female – even the crew. Admittedly this is amateur theatre – usually school related in some aspect so they tend to have the philosophy of trying to let anyone who tries out into the show and naturally there’s always more girls than guys who audition – which is true for professional as well, but professional theatre doesn’t have the same mantra of everyone should get to be onstage.

      • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

        I’ve done a lot of semi-professional acting and some community theater. In my experience, the numbers were about even, and that was also true in acting classes. I did find that some acting companies tend to be older – more King Lear than Romeo, so it probably makes sense to audition or volunteer for a production that has good roles for both sexes in the right age range.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Those are hilarious! Scott Adams has obviously been there. I think things are better now, at least from the Dilithium perspective. I wrote this post at the request of a male reader, but you can be sure the women are reading along. In particular, I think there’s an interest on both sides of the aisle in how to meet “quality” people with relationship potential.

  • http://thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com dan_brodribb

    I think tomboys are sexy, myself.

    I don’t think I’m alone either. More than one guy I know has married one.

    Keep the faith, Reformed_tomboy. I’m cheering for you.

    • reformed_tomboy

      Well I figure I’m not the crazy old cat lady just yet lol

  • http://omegavirginrevolt.wordpress.com white and nerdy

    Good Lord!!! The plight of all men is to constantly meet women AND always get in trouble.

    You are only half way there – why stop now?

    Half way to what?

  • http://www.bblove.tumblr.com Brettan

    Susan, I love this! People always whine to me, I don’t understand where to meet guys … am I supposed to meet them at the grocery store? Ha. I especially vote for the dog angle. Nothing is a guy magnet more than my bull terrier :)

    I am all about everything you’ve written lately …

    I am still pondering the stuff about Lena though … I follow her on Tumblr and I don’t know whether I feel completely sorry for her or what. I mean, she is insanely intelligent …

    Keep up the good work :)

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Actually, I do feel sorry for her, because she made some really questionable decisions when she was quite young, and it’s clear she is never going to shake off the consequences. I just can’t imagine her having any kind of career that doesn’t capitalize on her sexual fame, for better or worse. Still, it doesn’t prevent me from sharing her story as a cautionary tale….I don’t understand why, when we hear that Facebook pics containing a Solo cup can derail a job application, women are choosing to be sex columnists for their college newspapers.

      Yeah, Sam is a charmer, I’m sure she has helped start a convo or two, especially since she’s not a girly dog. Thanks for the kind words!

  • Obsidian

    As always, good post, Ms. Walsh.

    That said though, I must offer the following:

    1. This article is kind of a non-starter for the vast majority of Women out there who can at least muster up being a “5″ on the attractiveness scale. Only more homlier Women, and/or older Women (late 30s on), have to consider “strategies” for meeting Mr. Right. For the other ladies, all they have to do is show up.

    So, I really don’t see how this article is going to be a game changer, other than for the aforementioned groups of Women noted above.

    2. I have no problem with the idea of going to a yoga class or a political rally to meet potential mates. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Why this should strike some here as odd or weird or creepy, is something that is difficult for me to understand. Perhaps they might care to explain?

    O.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Welcome, Obsidian! Re your first point, I would make several observations.

      1. Online dating is not popular with college students, who feel some shame in not being able to find a date while in the hormonal stew that is college. However, female college students feel the absence of dating keenly. They can show up and get hit on by bros, but a large percentage of women respond to college boy antics with a thudding, UGH.

      2. Many women start actively seeking single men through online dating and other channels the minute they graduate from college. Friends are a primary source of meeting new people, and there’s nothing new there – that’s the way men and women have been introduced since we walked on two legs. However, contemporary American norms keep young people extremely busy, and there’s less relaxing and socializing among friends. It often becomes a matter of grabbing a drink with coworkers after a long work day.

      3. Getting to know men through activities and interests offers a couple of benefits. First, you get to observe them over a period of time, and can assess character. When women just “show up” they’re playing roulette. How to tell the good guys from the players? Second, attraction is definitely not always immediate. For women, attraction can definitely build over time, as a man reveals traits that were not apparent at first glance.

      4. Haha, none of my articles are meant to be game changers for society. Just for individuals. Since I cite several examples of people who met their spouses in just these ways, and know many more, it’s clear that a woman with a strategy is in much better shape than a woman who shows up in hopes of bumping into Mr. Right.

  • Pingback: The Extension School as matchmaker « The Spark — Official blog of the Harvard Extension School in Cambridge, Massachusetts

  • (R)Evolutionary

    Susan,

    Your article essentially describes the logisitical side of what the manosphere bloggers call “day game.” The logistics are usually the easier half. It’s the other half, the tactical side, that can be the real bugger. Assanova has a great

    rel="nofollow"> article on the strategies that work in day game today, and I vouch for the, for I’ve met all of my serious long-term girlfriends by unconsciously following these methods, and only realize in retrospect what I was doing that worked.

    Incidentally, I view both this article and Assanova’s as great advice for men or women. The only difference is that women perhaps might be better served by not being totally direct, like a man might, but instead using body language and maybe a simple hello, letting the man lead, or at least think he’s leading.

  • AnonymousF

    re: bars
    Happy hour at certain bars can be great for mingling with and meeting other young professionals in a non sleazy daytime scene. Go in groups. It’s nothing like the nighttime bar vibe of pickups.

  • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger

    “#42 is about food shopping. Loitering is creepy, hanging out at a grocery store all day is beyond creepy. Just go buy your food and strike up a convo if the opportunity arises.”

    A good opener is “do you ever get nervous people are judging you by what’s in your shopping cart?”

    Or you could go with this high-risk move (Steve Martin is awesome):

  • Andy

    The traveling one is a really good point I went to England and met a really nice bloke on New Years Eve through my friend, nothing serious came of it but I am glad I met him that night and who knows maybe one day he will stumble upon my facebook or something . Also Trader Joe’s is def a good spot there is always so many cute boys on staff there. Thank you for the post , was really good and I will def try these suggestions out soon :)

  • Brendan

    Good advice and options here.

    I met my current GF in a very uncommon yet online way — it’s worked for us, but I wouldn’t recommend it as a strategy, to be certain.

  • Michael of Charlotte

    Many really great suggestions. Thanks Susan!

  • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

    VJ,
    That was an excellent article, even if it was written by someone who’s been married and divorced three times.

  • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html VJ

    So she’s an expert, right? VS all the ‘unmarried’ experts like the Bishops who’ve been giving marriage & sex advice since, well 1000AD more or less. Etc. But I’m glad you saw it. Cheers, ‘VJ’

  • OffTheCuff

    Guys often fall into the trap of thinking that because a woman can have sex whenever she wants to, she’s got it made.

    I don’t know if this is a deliberation misrepresentation of what we’re trying to say, or, just an oversimplification. I have never said or meant that women “have it made”, which implies I think they have no struggle in the current SMP, or their feelings don’t matter. It really shows how far apart men and women think. They guys here have written volumes on it, but you’re not getting what we’re saying.

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/130ad2c51b96dc58607d5464f690b75e?s=80 Geoff789

    Nobody said “church.”

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Nobody said “church.”

      Whoops! To be honest, it never even occurred to me. Probably because I was raised in large Catholic parishes where there wasn’t much socializing. It’s obviously a great idea – some churches have active singles groups, and temples are very good at this.

  • OffTheCuff

    They think every woman is just sitting back enjoying a sensuous carousel of whomever she chooses while they, the men, suffer in silence at getting the “let’s just be friends” talk.

    So says the person who admits to having enough options to cheat, is “polyamorous” by handle, and has admitted here to “dating” many times the amount of people I have. Sounds sensuous to me. Maybe not “every” woman, but averages guy do not have the amount of options you do.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @OTC
      You do know that Poly Desi is Plain Jane et al, right? Just wanted to make sure. Also, be aware that the first comments were made when I originally published the post in May, 2010, so that trail is cold. I’ve noticed that Plain Jane has disappeared for the time being.

  • Rebekah

    I think I’ll bookmark this post for encouragement. I think many women are aware of these things and how to meet new people, but sometimes we can feel a little bit awkward doing so for the purpose of sniffing out a potential mate.

    it’s clear that a woman with a strategy is in much better shape than a woman who shows up in hopes of bumping into Mr. Right.

    Very important. It’s good to be clear on what one is looking for so as not to be distracted by too much charm. Also, it’s important to observe the person before he/she is aware of your interest – the above groups are a good way to do this. However, my yoga class rarely has men in attendance, unless you count the guy who comes in to play the Tibetan singing bowls on occasion.

    Obsidian, what about homely women? Is it so wrong to help and encourage others?

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Rebekah,
      Welcome, this has been a great week for attracting new bloggers! I think you’re my long-lost daughter, one who I successfully raised to appreciate Morrissey/The Smiths, Hitchcock films, Billie Holiday and the club car in White Christmas. Vermont must be beautiful this time of year! Anyway, it looks great, thoroughly enjoyable, I’ll look forward to more posts.

      Re bookmarking the list, when I first wrote this post, a woman said that she and her roommates had printed it and taped it to the fridge, haha. I love the idea of cluttering up people’s homes that way.

  • http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/ The Private Man

    “Day Game”… indeed.

    People in my age bracket seem to do the MeetUp singles group thing as well as online dating. The singles groups are good because of discounted and fun events along with the chance to be social.

    It’s been my experience that women over 40 are frustrated because they simply can’t find the single men. This is because the men they seek are no longer hitting the bars and clubs and tend to have somewhat isolated lives or do things mostly with other guys. Hence, the popularity of online dating.

    But the ongoing drawback to online dating is this: “Internet dating has been studied by sociologists and psychologists and it is addictive as it gives you a ‘false feeling of abundance’ and that makes us demand too much, reject too quickly, and ironically… offer too little.”

  • http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com Yvette Francino

    Meetup.com is a great way to pursue what you like doing and find people with common interests. It’s not a dating site, but a site that offers hundreds of groups in the area.. some of them geared for singles.

    Also, you might consider the “Soulmate Summit” that’s going on right now with 11 days of free teleseminars from relationship experts. For those of you who blog about relationships, it’s also an affiliate opportunity.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Yvette, great suggestions, thanks!

  • Fiction Section

    Great Post!

    I love that you added “go to the library.” Although I went to do research, I met my boyfriend the Boston Public Library. I requested an antique book at the “request a book” location at the library. Since he was also waiting to receive an over-sized book, he tried to strike a conversation with “Do you know where the fiction section is?” Six years later, we’re still together.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Fiction Section
      I love that story! The BPL would be a heavenly place to meet someone. I adore the library – I love everything about it. I go all the time, partly because I’m cheap and don’t want to buy books, but also just because it’s a great destination to walk to.

  • http://badgerhut.wordpress.com Badger

    “2. Try to make more money / get a prestigious job if possible”

    Better grooming and learning game are great advice, but this is a horrible tip for young men. Why? Because it’s irrelevant, it’s a resume factor that does nothing to generate attraction. Generating attraction is the typical young male’s biggest problem. RooshV lays women living in a dump. There was a story recently about a woman who was gamed by a homeless man. This idea that well-heeled men have their pick of quality women is total, unadulterated bunk – tight game outweighs material privation. This is one of those things women say they want, but when you look at the empirics it’s way down the list.

    Another related reason is that getting a better job just ups the class of princess who wants to get in your back pocket, and you need to filter those out, not bring them in. A guy with a better job is still the same AFC, he’s just AFCing to the tune of a higher bill. NO man should be using his job as a leverage point to get into an LTR. You have a stable career with some options? Ok, great, when marriage is on the table. But if you play that card first, you play to those looking for a meal ticket or who are hearing the clock tick and need their beta-man resources fast.

    Use the subject of your job as a game opportunity. When asked say you are a professional belt model, or that you are head of marketing for a company that makes miniature dioramas of the Apollo 11 moon landing.

  • Aldonza

    RooshV lays women living in a dump. There was a story recently about a woman who was gamed by a homeless man.

    .
    Roosh was a young, good-looking American guy gaming women in South America. Even if he was living in a dump, just living in another country gives him instant cache. And the homeless guy didn’t look homeless. In that case, grooming is almost required.
    .
    Look, I’m not anti-game, but a guy who can put into play *all* of his available resources is going to do better than the guy who thinks he can read a few books and “get it”. A man (or woman) who looks good, feels good, has financial resources and a place in the world is better able to make that mental leap to “internal game” than somebody who doesn’t even care about how he is presenting himself to the world.

  • Rebekah

    Susan,

    Sounds like kindred spirits indeed! :)

    Badger,

    A man having money and a respectable job is about is irrelevant to the process of generating attraction to him as being beautiful/hot is for women. It’s no more shallow of a woman to be attracted to a wealthy man than it is for a man to be attracted to a beautiful woman.

    If a woman tells you that it doesn’t matter whether a man has a decent job, or that money doesn’t matter at ALL, she probably feels she doesn’t have any other options. Same thing when a man says looks don’t matter to him when there is true love: he feels he has no options, and both are lying.

    Power is the greatest aphrodisiac for women, and nothing generates this quite like money and status. It also provides a nice living and secure place for her potential offspring.

    I suppose for some women status could mean the lead singer of a garage band or head alpha at the local hangout, but more than likely they are content with short-term relationships, and are either not interested in searching for someone for the longterm or feel it’s something they can’t have.

    I think Marilyn said it best…especially at 1:55 or so:

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/130ad2c51b96dc58607d5464f690b75e?s=80 Geoff789

    @Rebekah,
    You’re ignorant of what “Game” is. I recommend you check it out. Has nothing to do with money, power, looks, penis size, comedic skills, or musical talent.

  • Rebekah

    Sounds like a real catch!

  • http://gravatar.com/geoff789 Geoff789

    http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/07/29/chicks-dig-jerks-game-is-its-own-status/
    .
    This guy ain’t got no job, ain’t got no prospects, ain’t got no muscles, ain’t got no skills. Well, except the ability to have multiple girls willing to kill each other to keep him. This, ma’am, is game.
    I meant no insult to your intelligence about game, merely meant you’re ignorant of what’s effective in seducing women. Even if you are one.

  • Rebekah

    No insult taken, but thanks anyway!

    Have you considered the girls in question?

    I’m sure I could find stories somewhere about how an overweight and unattractive woman snagged a husband with her cooking skills…

  • http://gravatar.com/geoff789 Geoff789

    Go ahead, I’ll wait.

  • Helio Campos Frreira

    no momento , estou escrevendo sobre; ” felicídade , e amor para nós dar descanso para a mente, e ser capaz de aprímorar , conhecimentos na escríta ,

  • 57KS

    H apla perimeneis 57 meres….

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  • Liz

    To white and nerdy,

    I like nerdy guys. Where/how is the best way to pick one up?

    Smiles
    –Liz

  • Jo

    I am quite a deep person ad finding a man who is deep is very had to find. I love deep conversations instead of small talk which I also find it hard to connection with someone. Anyone have any ideas?

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