Let me start this post with a disclaimer:
I have no opinions about whether people should have children or not. It’s a personal choice, one that no one has the right to second guess. Truth be told, most of us who do have them do it for egoic reasons, so I won’t claim any sort of nobility, and neither should you. They’re wonderful, and they’re a pain in the ass, even in their 20s, and I hope my own kids will have some.
Regardless of any individual’s choice, there’s no question that babies (as well as other animal newborns) hold an innocence and purity that Eckhart Tolle describes as “being not yet of this world.” Who can resist a baby like the one in this video, as he responds to the sound of his mother blowing her nose?
By the way, do you think that kid has enough visual stimuli within reach? Who could find that baby anything but adorable?
Julie Patterson, that’s who.
Julie Patterson is a columnist for the weekly Georgetown Voice, and she proudly hates children. Surprisingly, she works summers at Disneyland’s California Adventure; it’s unclear whether her aversion originated there, or she just has a sadistic desire to inflict her vitriol on the little rug rats at every opportunity.
In her most recent editorial The Kids Aren’t Allright, Patterson begins:
“I’ll come right out and say it: Children repulse me. They frighten me. They make me anxious. Babies all look the same, and they are all ugly. Toddlers are praised for doing ordinary things like speaking and waving. Children have a comment and a question about everything…Each stage of development brings with it new things to annoy me.
…It’s not okay for a strange man to stand next to me and hold my hand. Adults don’t stare at me with fascination on public transportation. And I am certainly not impressed when a fully grown woman colors inside the lines. Why should these things be permitted, even praised, when done by children?
…Georgetown is, unfortunately for me, a great place to raise children…Nowhere is free from the echoes of their jovial screeching…The greatest threat to my sanity is not one of the many high schools nearby; it’s elementary school Holy Trinity on 36th Street. Their 10 a.m. recess always wakes me up in the morning. Their gym class in Yates totally disrupts my workout routine. The way they hang around the neighborhood after school makes me afraid to go outside.
…I could muse on how the source of my discomfort lies in how the promise of youth that shines in their carefree eyes makes me lament my own loss of innocence, but it’s probably more accurate to say that these kids just suck…I have no time for that in my life.
…My hatred for children is not crippling. I can make it through life coexisting with these little people under a ceasefire. I assume that they, like many predators, can sense fear, and will therefore leave me in peace. But there are no guarantees in life—not even the success of birth control. Here’s to hoping no little accident ever “blesses” my life.”
We’re right there with you Julie! From your lips to God’s ears! Incidentally, Julie’s Facebook page lists her only two Interests and Activities as “Being a Bitch” and “Being a Hypocrite.”
What’s my point? Oh, just that maybe, First Amendment rights notwithstanding, railing against innocent children from a Jesuit university newspaper is in poor taste. And also to provide one more data point confirming the raging epidemic of female narcissism.
Though the feedback was pretty negative, one woman offered this memorable quote:
Infants are tiny terrorists who can’t speak.
I’d like to lock Julie Patterson in a room with nothing but cute infant videos.
To my female readers: Don’t be this woman.
To my male readers: Don’t date this woman.