Wear This Not That

April 12, 2011

In a recent post, I suggested that your makeup style sends specific messages to guys about your sexual availability and intentions. That led to a discussion about women’s clothing as well. collegeslacker had this to say:

I know for a fact I judge a girl’s values or lack thereof based on what she is wearing. Tight dress that might accidentally show off some cooch? Rides the carousel. Jeans and a nice, not too flashy top? Probably not a slut, probably wants a relationship. I’m usually right about 99.99% of the time.

I approach all of them regardless, but I know some beta dudes who are definitely intimidated by extremely done up girls and many of my player friends won’t go after the less dressed up girls.

What you’re wearing definitely communicates what you seem to be seeking regardless of what you actually are seeking.

This last piece is critical. Many women are getting tripped up by wearing outfits that say slut, when what they want to say is girlfriend. Why does this happen? Isn’t this just a matter of common sense?

I believe there are several reasons young women are sending the wrong messages:

1. Popular fashion magazines tend to feature the sexiest clothing possible without going over into slutty lingerie territory.

2. Fashion models tend to be skinny and flat-chested. What looks innocent on them may appear extremely seductive on a woman with C cups or a nice round booty.

3. Celebrities wear lots of outrageous clothing, and the rest of us mistakenly think we can pull off the same look.

4. Women get attention from cute guys when they show cleavage or mile-high legs. They focus on the short-term validation without considering whether those cute guys are looking to date or get laid.

5. Women are largely unaware that dressing in an extremely provocative fashion will scare away men who are relationship-oriented. Part of this is intimidation, and part of it is their disqualifying themselves as relationship material.


Here’s what Dave Chappelle has to say:



Rich Santos, a dating blogger I really like at Marie Claire, recently wrote about the top fashion mistakes women make:

  • Sure, I admit that guys have fixation with cleavage, but we don’t always like when it’s popping out of a top.  We have a tough enough time keeping our eyes level, and excessive cleavage just provides another challenge.  Plus, cleavage is most effective when there’s a little hint of it, and then we are left to imagine what else is there.  Sadly, most of my friends and I agree that once we’ve seen the boobs, the mystery is gone.  The tiny amount of cleavage that led up to that is what really what we found intriguing.
  • Another problem with excessive cleavage is that it takes the focus off of the things about you that matter: your face, what you actually have to say, etc.  If a girl is running around with too much cleavage hanging out, we’ll assume that she’s trying to make up for a weakness in some other part of herself-and that she really is craving attention.
  • Class is a very attractive trait in a woman, and skirts that are too short, or slutty stilettos, etc, will chip away at a girl’s class. If I see a girl who is dressed slutty, I’m immediately struck with intimidation-the same kind I get around strippers.
  • I’ll also worry about who else she has slept with-and you know I always fear STDs.
  • Slutty apparel will also make it look like a woman is not much of a challenge, and we all like a challenge.

Confused about which outfits send which messages? Start by channeling her:

instead of her:

Cocktail Dress:

Wear this dress:

not that dress:

Going out top:

Wear these:

Not these:


Rock this look:

Not this look:


Wear this:Not that:


Keep it classy. If you have to ask if it’s slutty, it is. You can bring out the sluttastic wear once you’ve locked it down, for his private enjoyment.

And never violate the 1 in 3 Rule:

You may highlight boobs, butt or legs, but never more than one with the same outfit.