As many of you are already aware, Athol Kay recently published his first book, The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. For about the price of a movie ticket, you can learn what eluded even Sigmund Freud – the answer to the question, “What do women want?”
Kay isn’t the first to understand the nature of female sexuality, but he is the first to apply this knowledge to marriage in this particular way. As a blogger who frequently hears from both women and men who would like to improve their sex lives, he recognizes the difficulty that many married couples face in revving up and sustaining attraction for one another. Masters and Johnson may have highlighted the state of Americans’ sex lives, but Kay has laid out a concrete plan for improving them.
As the initial sexual frenzy of falling madly in love dissipates after a few years, women in particular may find their libidos ebbing. Kay is well aware that sex may be an afterthought, or even avoided, by women in particular, especially once children enter the family. I can certainly relate to that, and have had many conversations among my own friends over the years, commiserating that our husbands want sex too often.
I recall one occasion when I’d had a manicure and had chosen a dark, glittery maroon shade called In the Mood. My children were young then and I looked forward to spending that evening at Book Group with about a dozen other women. One of them admired my nails and asked me what the name of the color was. I shared it, waited a beat, and then said, “And I’m not.” Everyone laughed uproariously – there wasn’t a woman present who was in the mood, then or most nights. We were stressed out, exhausted, and sex had become a chore for many of us.
It’s a common practice in marital counseling for the therapist to suggest making sex a priority by scheduling it. Wednesday Night is Sex Night! If you can swing the expense of a sitter and date, that’s ideal, but either way it’s common for therapists to suggest pulling out your Blackberry and scheduling sex. The problem with this approach is that very often women feel less than enthused. If they wanted to have sex, there wouldn’t be a need to pencil it in. And if they need to write it down to abide by the commitment, it’s not something they’re looking forward to. It’s a Catch 22 for women, and the men are stuck, having no idea how to reignite their wives’ desire.
Enter Athol Kay. The beauty of Athol’s approach is that is makes husbands sexy to their wives again. By learning how to inspire and sustain attraction, largely by displaying masculine, dominant traits, men can throw aside the Blackberry and cut to the chase by being sexy. The beauty of this approach is that women only have to follow their own cues – when hubby is suddenly hot, being tired is not a dealbreaker. Suddenly, we’ve got a second wind!
Married Man Sex Life was written for men, but I found it chock full of insights that helped me understand my own nature. Reading Athol’s book, lots of things that I’ve never figured out, or even been aware of, suddenly made sense. It’s a highly informative and entertaining read. Read it to understand your own sexuality, read it to understand what you really want from your husband, and read it so that you can casually recommend it to him by exclaiming that this guy has figured out how husbands can get a lot more sex! (That should do the trick.)
MMSL is equally applicable to any long-term relationship, by the way. It deserves a place on the nightstand whenever your sex life could use a boost. Athol Kay has written a book that can put smiles of satisfaction on a great many faces.