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The Slut Shaming Power of Social Media

From today’s New York Times, Spring Break Gets Tamer as World Watches Online describes a new trend. Kids on spring break are so worried about getting tagged in Facebook photos that show them in compromising positions, they’re behaving more conservatively than they did in years past. The reporter visited Key West to get a handle on the scene there.

We are very, very reserved,” said Mia Klein, 22, a University of Connecticut senior from Amityville, N.Y., who stood around a table at Rick’s with friends and cups of beer. “You don’t want to have to defend yourself later, so you don’t do it.” The “it” being get sloppy, word-slurring drunk in an unvetted crowd.

The article describes spring break as having been “Facebooked into greater respectability.”

…Even bartenders here have noticed a certain taming of the spring break crew.

“They are very prudish,” said Margaret Donnelly, 28, a bartender at Tattoos and Scars who has lived in Key West for four years and remembers her own student antics “They are so afraid everyone is going to take their picture and put it online. Ten years ago people were doing filthy, filthy things, but it wasn’t posted on Facebook.”

By way of example, Ms. Donnelly said, there are far fewer wet T-shirt contests — a spring break mainstay — in town today. By her count, Tattoos and Scars is the only bar that offers one, and only once a week.

Asked if she would ever do anything some could view as inappropriate, like join a wet T-shirt contest, [one young woman] said, “No way. I would never do that because everybody has phones these days.”

 It’s interesting to note that the Girls Gone Wild phenomenon has not petered out because women have gained self-respect or stopped seeking attention, necessarily. They’re just afraid of getting caught in the act.

The biggest risk to young people on Facebook is getting caught acting irresponsibly by a potential employer. It’s common practice for college seniors to deactivate Facebook while they look for a job, or at least to make it as private as possible. Still, there’s the risk of being tagged in photos on someone else’s profile. Even a stranger can put you online, where you run the risk of being recognized by those who are in a position to exact consequences for the behavior. So kids are playing it safe, as well they should.

A few years ago, stories abounded about kids losing their job offers or college admissions after posting pics of themselves hugging the toilet. But today employers are getting more conservative. I know of one young man whose offer was rescinded after he posted a photo of himself partying. He didn’t look obviously drunk or inappropriate, but the firm felt that he was putting across an image that was unprofessional and they didn’t want him listing them as his employer in his profile, along with the photos they saw. 

Another factor is the infiltration of Facebook by my generation. Some kids do refuse to accept their parents’ friend requests, but wind up giving in to Gramps or Uncle Bill (as mine did). We live in a world with very little privacy and one is very likely to be caught out  for misdeeds. 

As long as there are ways for employers and admissions committees to gather information about young people, they’ll do so and they won’t accept candidates who portray themselves in such a way that their work ethic and seriousness are in doubt. 

By the way, I’m hearing tons of reports of kids deactivating Facebook. There’s very little upside – it’s always been primarily used for light stalking. One young woman wrote to me feeling absolutely crushed – the introduction of the new Timeline feature made it easy for her to view her boyfriend’s wall from back in 2009, where she learned just how head over heels he was for his previous girlfriend. Now she’s threatened and insecure, worrying that his ex will always be his “one that got away.”

I’ve also heard lots of young people complain about the chat feature – they don’t like being interrupted by random acquaintances from their past when they go on to chat with a close friend or two. All in all, I’d say Facebook has peaked. It’s being mobbed by folks in my age group, and by people (I can’t imagine who they are) who want to spend hours playing Farmville and other games. Maybe, like Yogi Berra said,

Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.

Personally, I’d go short on Facebook at their May IPO if you have any play money hanging around. 

  • Anonymous

    I’ve personally recommended and unrecommended people at my work based on their facebook profiles.

  • DC Phil

    Eh, not such a bad thing, for what it’s worth. After all, in years past, weren’t there societal strictures at work (externally — I’m not talking about morals here, which deals with the internal) to get people to toe the line, especially women? Such strictures were to curb wild behavior in public because other people were watching.

    Case in point . . . this past New Year’s, I was in a dive bar in a working class section of Baltimore. I went there with a friend of mine from DC to meet up with a couple of friends of hers who live in Baltimore. After ringing in the new year at a classy bar with table service, the group halved off and our half went to bar hop for a bit.

    In the course of the bar hopping, we picked up two other girls who were already a bit drunk and who got worse towards the time we all were starting to go home. At the last bar, the one girl, a 26 yr old redhead, who was really drunk then, starting making out heavily with the other woman in our party. She wouldn’t let up, and was to the point where her skirt was hiked up so that you could see her thong and the tattoos near her ass. Guys near us, not surprisingly, were taking in the action. Across the way were two guys with a camera and iPhone apiece, filming. The one guy said to another guy, “My buddies won’t believe it otherwise.” I just sat there, not far away from the lip action, bemused.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @DC Phil

      I agree – I think it’s a good thing. Colleges have refused to monitor behavior, but employers have stepped in and provided powerful incentives for behaving responsibly. That means a lot less drinking to blackout, which means a lot less promiscuous behavior. And I bet the kids would still say they had a great trip. At least they don’t have to deal with regrets.

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    At my last job, one of my duties was participating in interviews for new hires. I will say that in most cases, we immediately upon walking out of the conference room and escorting the candidate out the front door, went to Facebook and started snooping. When we mentioned it to our supervisor, he commended us for “looking out for the company image”. This was several years ago. Since then, I can’t tell you how many people I have personally talked to that do the exact same thing. So much so that I have been telling my children for years now to keep their FB security tight, and NEVER post anything that can be held against you later.

    I don’t have a problem with this practice either. As an employer, I have the right to take anything into account that gives me reason to believe a candidate is not a good match for my company, even if that “thing” is from the candidates personal life.

  • Clarence

    Eh, we’ve been here before.
    Remember the Crystal Ball flap? I thought that was stupid then, and I think it’s stupid now.
    I don’t think employers should have much interest in one’s private life so long as one has stayed within bounds of the law, and there’s a difference between some “slut shaming” and people who think people who party “aren’t serious” and girlfriends uber jealous of their boyfriends past loves.

    This stuff isn’t going to SOLVE anything. It’s just going to drive it underground , give the anti -sex forces ( I view you as kind of in the middle here, Susan, between being a total prude and Ozzy the Sexy Pozzie) more power to destroy people for minor things, and make denying the very real problems in the SMP even more easy than it is now. Not to mention consolidate even more corporate power.

  • jess

    Ouch- I would consider that kind of snooping unethical.

    Most CEOs in most companies have had a few wild moments whilst younger.

    Have they really forgotten whats it like to be young?

    Anyhooo- I got rid of my Facebook A/C- my friends and I use the electric telephone now- much better.

    My kids will not be allowed a FB acc- Im not even sure Im gonna let them have their own pc’s while still living with us.

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    “I don’t think employers should have much interest in one’s private life so long as one has stayed within bounds of the law, and there’s a difference between some “slut shaming” and people who think people who party “aren’t serious” and girlfriends uber jealous of their boyfriends past loves.”

    As someone who has represented an employer, I couldn’t disagree with you more. Look, there are literally millions of people in the world looking for work on any given day. Thousands of them are probably qualified for the job. Hundreds may be able to literally DO the job. 20 or so may have the right personality to “fit in” around the office (for any team to function, there has to be a level of cohesiveness. One of the most important things is to find people that are compatible to work together, so personality plays a large part in some hiring decisions) and of those only 10 make it all the way to the final round of interviewing. Now, if all 10 are equally good for the job, how do I as am employer decide? I see what they are like outside the office. If they party a lot, I might wonder how often they will call off for “being sick” when they are hung over. I might be concerned that they seem to be rather attention hungry, and that may reflect on my company in any number of ways, including acting like a total ass on a company trip. (which I have seen first hand. it wasn’t AT ALL pretty.)

    So what you do outside the office can and does influence your chances for gainful employment in many cases. As long as there are more people looking for work than jobs available, don’t expect that to change.

  • Patriarch

    I must of sensed it could all go wrong. I liked the idea of seeing and getting reacquainted w/old college friends but was nervous about something, couldn’t say what. I set-up a page with a lil info and no pictures and then never went back. Now it’s really about being nervous about the gov’t w/ constant bugging and surveillance that I myself and providing w/o even a fee!!! Facial recognition and privacy settings being voided out against your will by the company. So glad I followed my instincts, phewww!

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    jess – “Ouch- I would consider that kind of snooping unethical.”

    Not at all. If you are going to put that kind of stuff out for anyone to see, don’t be surprised when it is used against you.

    This is exactly the same as women complaining that men won’t take them seriously for a relationship because they have “fooled around” in the past. No one said life is fair, and in a world where it is easy to dig up dirt on anyone, it will be getting less fair by the day.

  • GudEnuf

    My coworker swears up and down that Farmville is the easiest way to get laid. So many lonely, middle-aged women.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @GudEnuf

      My coworker swears up and down that Farmville is the easiest way to get laid. So many lonely, middle-aged women.

      Please tell me your coworker is not some young guy, that would be too sad.

  • deti

    We’re forgetting sometimes how easy it is in this day and age to find out things about others — and how easy it is for others to find out things about you.

    It’s not just FB. It’s also search engines. Some people are just not very smart about what they put online.

    I tried an experiment. I selected randomly the name of a college acquaintance I hadn’t seen in more than 20 years. Using nothing but public information on line and spending no money, within one hour, I knew or had found the following about him:

    –current addresses of his home and employment
    –current employment position
    –two social media profiles
    –names of his wife and children
    –date of birth
    –photos of his cars including license plates
    –photos of his house (inside and outside, including his bedroom)
    –current photos of him, his wife, and his kids
    –identities of his siblings, their spouses, and their addresses

    if you have social media profiles, lock them down or get rid of them altogether.

    We also live in an age in which you can be photographed or videotaped anywhere, anytime. Everyone has cell phones now. Not only that, some businesses and an increasing number of municipalities have surveillance cameras in which everything you do standing on some street corner somewhere is on video.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      We also live in an age in which you can be photographed or videotaped anywhere, anytime. Everyone has cell phones now. Not only that, some businesses and an increasing number of municipalities have surveillance cameras in which everything you do standing on some street corner somewhere is on video.

      I recall a guy sued Google because the Google Street View truck filmed him entering an adult video store. That became their film for that street forever, or at least until they feel the need to update. I believe he lost his case, as he was in plain sight, in daylight, and was deemed to have forfeited his right to privacy.

  • Clarence

    Ted D:

    For one, for most jobs there are literally tens of thousands of people in the US alone who would meet ALL your criteria. Rejecting job applicants no matter how picky you try to be is often a very arbitrary process anyway.
    For two, you’d think “better the devil you know”… but, I suppose you need to cover your ass. After all, it may not be likely that Candidate A (who had that wild night full of drunken revelry ) is going to turn out to be a lazy good for nothing – after all, he was employed at ABC company for 5 years – but , it’s possible, whereas Candidate B (who never even HEARD of Facebook) doesn’t have any such public information. So if you hire Candidate B and he/she turns out to be an ax murderer -well, you can still cover yourself. I understand that.

    However, I also understand that much of this stuff is relatively minor and totally relative to the employer. Maybe you think so – and so isn’t serious, but probably there’s another recruiter out there who thinks so and so knows how to have fun.

    My real beef is with the total arbitrariness of the process, and the fact that I don’t think you have any business whatsoever holding legal behaviors that might have occurred years ago against someone. Thus, I’d probably pass a law making Facebook semi-private and making people like you have to ask the candidates to open up their Facebook to you.

  • John G

    Along with EXIF info, tracking cookies, and social engineering, folks put a lot out on line. In the military, we called it Essential Elements of Friendly Information.
    http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/library/policy/army/fm/6-0/appb.htm

    A cartoon to cleanse the visual palate…
    http://seapegasus.org/wp-content/uploads/seapegasus.org/2011/09/funny-facebook-fails-oinkonomics.jpg

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    Clarence – “After all, it may not be likely that Candidate A (who had that wild night full of drunken revelry ) is going to turn out to be a lazy good for nothing – after all, he was employed at ABC company for 5 years – but , it’s possible, whereas Candidate B (who never even HEARD of Facebook) doesn’t have any such public information. So if you hire Candidate B and he/she turns out to be an ax murderer -well, you can still cover yourself. I understand that.”

    First off, don’t get mad at me, I’m just the messenger. ;)

    Second, I said “all things being equal”. That means, if both candidates are qualified and I have NO OTHER way to make a pick, I see NO PROBLEM using how they act in private as a tie breaker. And, for that matter, it isn’t even IN PRIVATE if it is all over Facebook for the world to see.

    OF COURSE I’m going to protect my employer. That is partly why they pay me! If you want to post sketchy shit online, at least have the common sense to set the security up so I, as a potential employer, cannot easily see pictures of you online hitting a beer bong. If I find that, and have another resume sitting in front of me that meets all the criteria yours does, but they don’t appear to have alcohol issues, you can bet your ass his resume stays on my desk and yours hits the trash can.

    And this has nothing to do with legality and everything to do with character, which some people simply don’t want to admit. I may simply not want people that party working for me. If you party and don’t get the job, don’t take it personally. You probably wouldn’t have been a good fit and would have been looking for another job soon anyway.

    Again, I know it isn’t fair, but it is life. Always remember, once something is on the internet, assume it is there forever. And, assume that given enough incentive, anyone can find it.

  • Jesus Mahoney

    My kids will not be allowed a FB acc- Im not even sure Im gonna let them have their own pc’s while still living with us.

    Yet you’ll be cool with them scratching an itch with some random hot guy if the spirit moves them. It being good for their self-esteem and all….

  • J

    LMAO. Finally, something good comes out of Facebook–circumspection!

  • http://photoncourier.blogspot.com david foster

    Facebook and the cell phone camera are re-creating the traditional village environment, in which everybody knew what everybody else was doing.

    The difference is, you can’t run off to the big city (unless maybe you leave the planet)

    My most recent post…further Fannyisms

  • Jesus Mahoney

    david foster,

    A follower of McLuhan?

  • deti

    Ted:
    “I see NO PROBLEM using how they act in private as a tie breaker. And, for that matter, it isn’t even IN PRIVATE if it is all over Facebook for the world to see.”

    Wait, wait, wait. Weren’t we told in the late 199os during the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal that private conduct and morality have no bearing on one’s ability to do one’s job, or one’s public conduct?

    Oh yeah. The same ones who also told us that:

    –only sober P in V sex is sex
    –oral sex isn’t sex
    –anal sex isn’t sex
    –drunk sex isn’t sex
    –Spring Break sex isn’t sex
    –high or stoned sex isn’t sex
    –a ONS isn’t really sex
    –it isn’t sex if I didn’t like it or I didn’t orgasm
    –it isn’t sex if my friends don’t know about it

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @deti

      You forgot birthday sex, period sex, and sex with someone who later comes out as gay.

  • http://photoncourier.blogspot.com david foster

    JM…wouldn’t call myself exactly a follower of McLuhan, who often exaggerates, but I do think he has some important points about the impact of media independent of the content thereof. See my post duz web mak us dumr?

  • jess

    Ted,
    Look I understand- HR is a big part of my new job and I can totally understand the wish to avoid poor work ethics and absenteeism BUT I think this goes too far.

    People put all the stuff on line for their friends and family in good faith. They aren’t likely to imagine that a prospective employer will go snooping.

    Its not like they are celebrities who would expect it- they are private individuals.

    and if you see a picture of a guy passed out with a beer can in his hand is that really an indictor of professionalism?

    My, half the london stock exchange boys would be sacked and they work very hard indeed.
    A lot of big player guys work and play hard- and also did so very much when young- and they now head up their industries and companies. So what a CEO downed 5 tequilas and dropped his trousers when 22?

    Im not too sure my company would even allow this? not for recruitment purposes- it may illegal or at least questionable.

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    jess – “People put all the stuff on line for their friends and family in good faith. They aren’t likely to imagine that a prospective employer will go snooping.”

    If they correctly secure it, then there should be no way I can see it as a prospective employer.

    As to legality, I have NO idea since we live in different countries and all. I can tell you that I have never seen a candidate told they weren’t getting hired because they had party pictures online. To the best of my knowledge (and I’m no lawyer so take this as MY opinion) if you post it online in a public forum, it is fair game. Even if it isn’t do you really think you could ever prove I didn’t hire you because you posted pictures on Facebook I didn’t like?

    And we never used FB for recruitment. It was strictly recon and investigative. And again, if they left it public for the world to see, why shouldn’t I take THAT into account? I mean, if they are OK with the world seeing them passed out shit faced on the floor, who says they wouldn’t be OK with a picture of them in the same condition at the bar of the hotel they are staying at while on a work trip?

  • Jonny

    For my Facebook acount, I did not use my actual photo for my profile picture. I used an online stock photo of a cartoon character. I left my profile unfilled. My account is private and posts are only available to friends or friends of friends. It helps that my name (first and last) is common so a search can yield hundreds of responses. In addition, I blocked out my ex-wife and unfriended acquaintances. I have less than 30 friends. So sad.

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    And for the record, I don’t have anyone from my employer in my friends list on FB specifically because I know employers snoop. Of course, I still have to be super careful about what I put up, because any one of my friends could copy it and post it somewhere I have no control over.

    And, if I were a young guy, I would refuse to do anything crazy in the presence of people I didn’t know that could easily take my picture and post it anywhere. If you do something in public, assume everyone will know. If you aren’t willing to let your grandmother watch you do a keg stand, don’t let anyone get a picture of it.

  • Emily

    I’ve even heard urban legends about companies hiring hackers so they can see the “private” stuff on Facebook. I don’t know how true that is, but I could see it happening.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Emily

      I’ve even heard urban legends about companies hiring hackers so they can see the “private” stuff on Facebook. I don’t know how true that is, but I could see it happening.

      When my daughter was applying for summer internships in DC, she was deluged with friend requests from people she’d never heard of. She said that going to those profiles and checking them out it was clear they were fakes. I kid you not, the U.S. Government uses people to friend applicants to get the dirt on them. I suppose it’s a form of security clearance. She never accepted any of those friend requests, but saw that several of her classmates had.

  • Mike C

    Personally, I’d go short on Facebook at
    their May IPO if you have any play money
    hanging around.

    Wait for the first day pop

  • Jesus Mahoney

    david,

    I don’t think McLuhan exaggerated–I think he just saw everything through the lens of media. His insights into the power of media to influence environment independent of content are often stunningly brilliant.

    The web definitely does usher us into a global village in a way that television wasn’t even able to do. It’s also a massive decentralizing force, since a significant portion of it’s content is user-generated. Which, of course, is why it’s “shaming” potential, as Sue puts it, is so strong. With smart phones, Spring Break is no longer a “getaway”. In fact, there is no getaway. I used to think it was bad watching people at my telemarketing job leave for coffee breaks with their cell phones attached to their ears. Now there’s no escape at all.

    As for whether or not it makes us dumber, idk. It allows any man in the world to rub his dick raw to a plethora of pussy if he’s so inclined (and I’m sure many are), but it also allows places like HUS and other forums, where people are able to find and take part in intelligent discussions that they wouldn’t have been able to take part in otherwise.

  • Escoffier

    Not a single girl in that pic is wearing a one-piece. Are those just hopelessly square now? I still see them on the beach where I grew up …

    Anyway, I think some people are misunderstanding what’s going on here. These companies are not really “judging” anyone. They could not care less about morality or virtue or their employees’ private lives. And yes of course everyone in management has himself prayed to the porcelain god once or twice in his life.

    All they care about is perception. By all means get drunk and hook up. They don’t care about that one bit. They care only if you are stupid/brash/irresponsible enough to display it. Because that just opens the way for clients and various others to cause the firm trouble down the line.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      They care only if you are stupid/brash/irresponsible enough to display it. Because that just opens the way for clients and various others to cause the firm trouble down the line.

      Exactly. They don’t want the firm’s name on a profile page where the pic is of some girl dancing on a tabletop. She may be a crackerjack lawyer, but if clients google her, that’s what they’ll see, and they’re less likely to use the firm. Perception is reality.

  • Marie

    Susan, I feel that girl’s pain! Facebook snooping can be utterly painful. The problem is she has probably gone on there looking for something. When you find something negative, it tears you apart. But if you don’t find anything, you won’t be relieved. You’ll just continue. She should keep in mind that when people joined FB in 2007, they didn’t realize it was going to grow to what it is now and people’s walls were used for all sorts of communication, no matter how private. It was considered less of a big deal. You wrote for no reason at all, and I know many people who exaggerated their posts at that time, just to make a point out of “we’re dating”.
    I don’t think it’s all that bad, though. If a guy’s wall is full of hearts from various girls, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a player or that he’s slept with any of them, but it will say something about which signals he’s sending girls. At the very least you can trust photos. So you know who you’re dealing with. If it wasn’t for FB, you would have been left in the dark. Happy, but in the dark.

    It’s not THAT hard to control your online reputation. Sure the photos are only one side of you, but if you were photographed at a party, you were actually there right? I don’t know any girls who seem like slags from their profiles who aren’t in real life. You can choose if others’ tags should appear on your profile, and 90% of what is there is usually voluntary. You’re 38 years old and posted that photo of yourself in a maid’s uniform with a glass of beer on your own, there is no reason to pretend. And when a guy makes a comment about a boob falling out, you go “pervert!”. Yes, I know women like that.

  • Herb

    @jess: Ouch- I would consider that kind of snooping unethical.

    Facebook, no…if you have something more exclusive I’d say yes. If you are putting material up that isn’t behind some security wall (and many Facebook profiles are not) and aren’t doing due diligence (it is my understanding you can untag yourself on Facebook if someone else tags you) you’re a bad choice for a lot of jobs.

    Now, if you join an interest website where an employer must make a research account to get in and check I’d agree with you. But Facebook, Flckr, and similar sites are very public and people will check them. In a world where IT people can use their Stackoverflow reps to help get jobs employers will employ the same strategy in the opposite direction.

  • Maggie

    “It’s interesting to note that the Girls Gone Wild phenomenon has not petered out because women have gained self-respect or stopped seeking attention, necessarily. They’re just afraid of getting caught in the act.”

    Maybe these girls will continue to be more modest and careful in college and beyond? Could the pendulum be swinging away from the trashy behavior celebrated in the press the past decade?

    One good sign — did you see the dresses the young actresses, who are at the forefront of change, wore to the Oscars this year? They were really modest. It was 180 degrees from the past. It’s a start.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Maggie

      I think the pendulum is swinging due to fear of getting caught, but like any other shift this will become the new norm. I don’t think we’ll ever see a mass return to wet t-shirt contests or girls baring their breasts for the GGW truck. Any time there are social sanctions for a behavior, that behavior will decrease. Even if it’s because of self-interest re employment, I’ll take it. I think it’s a step in the right direction, and it exposes kids to the alternative of having a good time without being totally wasted and getting naked with a stranger.

  • Jesus Mahoney

    All they care about is perception. By all means get drunk and hook up. They don’t care about that one bit. They care only if you are stupid/brash/irresponsible enough to display it. Because that just opens the way for clients and various others to cause the firm trouble down the line.

    Right–it’s all about reputation. What they’re doing by by searching prospective employees online is making sure they’re hiring someone who will be able to uphold the professional image the company wants to maintain. They’d prefer a raging slut with a squeaky-clean online presence to the embarrassed girl whose one mistake is plastered all over the net.

    It’s image they’re going for. In that way they’re no different than the annoying duck-faced girls on facebook who want everyone to believe they lead a glamorous life when really they’re just as pathetic as everyone else.

    That’s one of the consequences of living in our society: image trumps substance all too often.

  • Chris_in_CA

    I’m not sure this is entirely a good thing. In terms of hiring, yes, there’s value in making sure a person’s behavior is in line with what they said in an interview.

    I don’t like snooping on principle, and don’t support Facebook spying. But if you’re dumb enough to post your frequent bouts of stupidity on a public website, then lie about it in a job interview…

    That said, avoidant behavior is not corrective behavior. These women will continue to be as hypergamous as possible…just out of public view. Why? The only consequence is, as Susan said, getting caught in the act. Avoid that and these girls are home free.

    The girl who’s “shy” in public will still go home with a bad boy & screw him silly. (And if he’s in this crowd, he’ll kick her right back out INTO public so she has to go back to shyness. Boom, no consequences for him.)

    In fact, such behavior can lead to a further spurning of accountability. If you can beat one rule by avoiding it, who’s to say you can’t/won’t beat others?

  • Jesus Mahoney

    These women will continue to be as hypergamous as possible…just out of public view. Why? The only consequence is, as Susan said, getting caught in the act. Avoid that and these girls are home free.

    Idk. Avoiding consequences is how we all start learning right from wrong. We don’t want to disappoint mommy or daddy, so we “avoid” bad behavior. Eventually, we begin to internalize that sense of right and wrong–it becomes “who we are.”

  • http://stagedreality.wordpress.com Leap of a Beta

    I think all the people that have the opinion of “Employer’s viewing facebook is a breach of privacy, my personal security, and using information that isn’t relevant to how professional I am as a professional marker” need to put things in perspective of history.

    50 years ago, people knew all this stuff already. They knew it because you live, grew up, and worked in the same town. People knew everyone’s shit stories and closeted skeletons.

    Feminism came along and one of the big reasons that the sexual revolution worked was because it was headed by a bunch of people that were now able to move across the country at will and not deal with all those closet skeletons, get jobs, and all that. It was also very much ‘in the spirit of things’ for employers to overlook that kind of information.

    Now you can’t outrun your past again. The internet just made a very large world very small again. You can connect with people at any time and anything you do online will be able to be viewed FOREVER. You should never assume that anything you type or post anywhere, even under anonymous names, will stay private forever. Sooner or later, if you get a name for yourself or a company changes its policy, you can suddenly find yourself opened to scrutiny.

    They are layers of protection. Nothing more. And they can be breached.

    So live your life as you. If you’re a professional, you have to be a professional at all times. If you’re an artist, be an artist at all times. You are you, you don’t get to put forward an image during the day, go home and be a different person at night, and assume that “ne’er the two shall meet.”

    That’s our reality – the whole world is our stage and you are your role at all times. Deal with it.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Leap

      That’s our reality – the whole world is our stage and you are your role at all times. Deal with it.

      I had to think hard about this when I started blogging and needed to decide whether to blog under my real name. I can imagine that it might be difficult to go back into traditional corporate consulting, after stuff I’ve written here. In the end, I thought the advantages of being “out” were greater than the drawbacks – it’s enabled me to build a brand. But it’s a real tradeoff, and it’s difficult to know if I might one day regret it.

  • Scipio Africanus

    I’ve wanted to quit Facebook for at least the last 2 years, or so.

    I realized I was absolutely light-stalking people (girls) and I was also one of those people who experienced some “Facebook Depression.” Everyone’s pictures where they’re Having The Time Of Their Lives, or every picture is extremely well done made me feel like crap all the time.

    I’ll be 33 in a month and I’m jealous of people who got to experience adulthood before social networks. Friendster got hot in 2003 when I was 24 and less than a full year out of grad school. I wanted to actually miss people, and these sites never allowed me to.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Scipio Africanus

      Everyone’s pictures where they’re Having The Time Of Their Lives, or every picture is extremely well done made me feel like crap all the time.

      Exactly. And I can assure you that many of those photos are so fake. I’ve seen the girls suddenly burst into hysterical laughter when nothing was funny just for a photo op. Then the pics go up on FB and I could swear they were having the time of their lives. Only I watched them create and act out the scene.

      There’s a lot to be said for unplugging.

  • http://www.4stargazer.wordpress.com Anacaona

    I don’t know how effective this might be I’m sure the first feminists that gets a sniff of not getting hired because she was fellating a group of frats in the back of a truck and whether got caught in video and ended up in youtube or was “assertive” enough to put it in on her facebook will cry “slut-shaming” and their sisters will extend yet another reason why “poor women are repressed and how wrong is slut-shame” is all a matter of time. You need to remember that feminism means that you never have to say you are sorry, YMMV.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Anacaona

      You have to remember that American business is less susceptible to political whims. They’ll cater to feminists when they want to sell them a product, like that recent Honda CR-V ad I posted here. But they won’t feel the need to apologize to anyone for not hiring the BJ queen.

  • Malia

    Interesting discussion and I’ll add this article I read a few weeks ago:

    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/technology-blog/study-employers-really-tell-future-job-performance-based-181110050.html

    I’m in favor of using Facebook. I really do believe it’s an indicator in enough cases to warrant its usage. Twitter also. If you have someone tweeting all day, 250 follows, 550 following, 36,000 tweets, guess what they’ll be doing at work? And if they’re tweeting BS… yup.

    Social media… making background checks cheaper.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Social media… making background checks cheaper.

      Haha, so true! Young people are giving this info away.

  • SayWhaat

    @ Escoffier:

    Not a single girl in that pic is wearing a one-piece. Are those just hopelessly square now? I still see them on the beach where I grew up …

    I bought my first bikini a few years ago. I didn’t like it one bit — not because I had body image issues (actually, I’m going to brag here a bit and just say that my boyfriend flat-out said his exes would kill to have my bod), but because for my body shape, it just didn’t look right. It looked tawdry. I looked cheap.

    So a few months ago I bought this little number and I have to say, it is probably one of the single-most cutest things I own. I feel like a pinup girl wearing it!

    With this and my yoga mat, I’m set for the summer. :P

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @SayWhaat

      You’re going to look better in that suit than the model does. :)

      Speaking of which, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a tat on a model. And the Leaning Tower of Pisa no less!

  • jason

    Suckers.
    Facebook is for fools.

    My friends dont use it. We are smart. So I can party. These celebrity wanabee facebook fools cannot

  • CornSyrupy

    The danger for employers from social media screening is using an illegal screening criteria. HR and Legal have usually written the application form very specifically to avoid asking for any forbidden information, sometimes to avoid grey areas as well, and Google/FB searches by the rank & file supervisors skip right past those safeguards.

  • http://footpole.wordpress.com George Garner

    Paraphrasing Orwell – Everybody’s Watching You.

    In fact, everybody’s watching everybody.

    It’s also flipping Andy Warhol’s famous comment on its head. He should’ve said “in the future everyone will have fifteen minutes of privacy.”

  • jess

    Ted,
    You may well be right about the burden of proof I guess.

    I still reckon its a poor way to judge suitability- and you do know that “what happens on a work trip – stays on a work trip” dont you!

    Work Trips may as well come with complimentary champagne and condoms from what I hear.

    Anyhooo, the lack of incriminating FB evidence may just be that that the behaviour was so awful they didn’t dare post it.

    This would mean you could be hiring the wrong people!- as they really had something worth hiding perhaps!

  • Ted D

    Jess – “Work Trips may as well come with complimentary champagne and condoms from what I hear”

    Lol. Not where I work. It is a private company, and the owners are rather conservative, politically and socially. And as far as it goes, my former employer, although a global corporation, were very serious about behavior “on the road.” before that I worked for a Catholic hospital… But, I did get to have a little work travel fun in the mid 90′s with the outfit I took my first computer job with. Traveling hardware techs often rip shit up. :p to this day I refuse to drive in New Jersey because of an incident on a work trip. ;)

  • WarmWoman

    @Escoffier

    I prefer one piece swimsuits.

    My friend said that the government can also hack into your facebook messages and that it’s not as private as you think. I’m careful what I say in FB messaging too.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      Warm Woman and Say Whaat notwithstanding, I think the pic of Key West is typical re bathing suit fashion. My daughter has never worn a one-piece outside of her lifeguarding job. In fact, vacationing in Cape Cod each summer – which is not exactly Rio – I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman under 30 in anything but a two-piece.

      I think one-pieces can look very classy and sexy, but I don’t believe Gen Y agrees.

  • WarmWoman

    SayWhaat,

    You’re a modcloth fan? That swimsuit reminds me of Marilyn Monroe..I like that style. I just ordered a dress from them, but it was a bit too big.

  • GudEnuf

    Please tell me your coworker is not some young guy, that would be too sad.

    No, he’s a d.o.m.

  • Lokland

    Thank you for reminding me to clean up my fb. 6 hours later…

  • Trish

    The thing I dislike about the whole FB scrutiny is not really related to feminism, but that it’s another problem with the corporate culture in this country where people are expected to based their lives around their jobs.

    You can’t just do your job and then go live the rest of your life anymore. Now you have to worry about being a “good fit” and passing a recruiter’s arbitrary shit tests, and that’s just for getting hired. They want you to be completely obsessed with programming/networking/etc otherwise you lack the “passion” and “drive” to be a good fit for the position which thousands of people can perform in just fine. If you have actual interests outside of work (which can be obvious through checking your FB), that will paint you as someone who’s not motivated enough. I’ll never forget the employer who literally criticized my resume for including a little “other interests” list at the bottom…because said list did not include programming. 1. It’s *other* interests and 2. wtf is wrong with you?

    I know that life isn’t fair and it’s in these companies’ best (short term) interests to be anal, but it changes the cultural climate and makes me want to move somewhere where I won’t be seen as a lazy piece of shit for wanting a part-time job.

  • Clarence

    I agree 100 percent with Trish.
    I don’t want human resources running my life if I’m off the job.
    For the past few decades the rules have been pretty simple: Do your job, work hard, if you party off the job don’t get arrested or at least convicted and don’t make the local or national news in some sort of controversial or negative way and you need never worry about your home life interfering with your ability to keep your job.

    If that’s starting to change that is a bad thing. There’s more to life than your job.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Clarence, @Trish

      When I was in college I worked for one of my psych professors. He was a psychometrist – he administered and interpreted a wide battery of psychological tests to potential hires. I typed up his reports. Based on the test results he would draw the most amazing conclusions about the person’s fitness and potential, and he ended with a firm recommendation re hiring, with specific attention to the position in question. His word was law.

      The concern of companies to get at this information isn’t new, the media is. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, are all a form of advertising. Facebook members knowingly give that company a lot of personal data, and the photos are easily copied and shared without a person’s knowledge. I would agree that any kind of hacking is totally off-limits, but I don’t see anything wrong with googling potential hires. Companies spend a lot of money training young people and they have every right to judge character with all available information, IMO.

  • http://stagedreality.wordpress.com Leap of a Beta

    Trish and Clarence,
    Get used to it. The classic family man of days gone by was a family man at all times. He was respectable at home and respectable at the office. He was himself. Just like a mother was herself at all times where ever she was.

    If you can’t handle that kind of pressure, you should look for a new career. You can be damned sure that people used to get tons of flak in the office if they became known for any negative family issues or personal problems. It’s not a new thing to history, just a new thing to the last two or three generations.

    I’m personally glad of the change. It means there’s a slight chance that the ‘party hard’ scene of college days will temper down a bit from what its been since feminism unlocked the gates. I don’t think it will because there’s a lot of young and stupid people out there, but maybe.

    Maybe if you need to de-stress and party so much to deal with your days in college, jobs, or a career you should look at life changes instead of a party. Or be responsible of your self image and make sure that shit doesn’t ever get online and associated with a social media.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Leap

      It means there’s a slight chance that the ‘party hard’ scene of college days will temper down a bit from what its been since feminism unlocked the gates. I don’t think it will because there’s a lot of young and stupid people out there, but maybe.

      The Times article pointed out that a small number of students are using the opportunity to be recorded doing the most outrageous things possible, as a sort of personal fame, I suppose. These are people who would love to “go viral” with their antics. I guess they must have a job lined up with Daddy or something – I can’t imagine why anyone would set themselves up for that kind of scrutiny.

  • http://stagedreality.wordpress.com Leap of a Beta

    @ Susan

    Yeah, definitely advantages and disadvantages of both anonymous and real names. I go with Leap as a simple way to make it so that the things I write don’t come up when someone searches my real name, but I don’t try much harder than that and certainly don’t expect it to stay that way forever. Even then I have a couple people from around the ‘Sphere that I’ve given my real email/facebook info to and started chatting with outside of the shit that gets discussed in these places.

  • http://stagedreality.wordpress.com Leap of a Beta

    @ Malia,
    The study about facebook being able to tell how you are in a career was done by only one prof and two students involving a mere 56 people on facebook in the study. I wouldn’t call that conclusive.

  • Benton

    This findings tells me that, in some way, these kids want to have restraints placed on them. If we accept that Pluralistic Ignorance is making it harder for people to say no to promiscuity (which I do), then it appears these students are eager for a way to avoid that trap.
    I know I am a bit of an outlier, but I have always felt more comfortable in situations with less sexual pressure. I hope this trend continues, and even extends to older adults.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Benton

      This findings tells me that, in some way, these kids want to have restraints placed on them. If we accept that Pluralistic Ignorance is making it harder for people to say no to promiscuity (which I do), then it appears these students are eager for a way to avoid that trap.

      I think you may be right. It’s in the best interest of the vast majority of kids if hookup culture gets toned waaaayyyy down. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that things like holding hands are happening on Spring Break. Sure, it may end in sex by the end of the week, but it won’t be some drunken hookup the first night, followed by others all week long. No one has to feel like a loser for not scoring that. It just takes a ton of pressure off.

  • http://4stargazer.wordpress.com/ Anacaona

    Troll alert! And if he really believe we are going to buy his crap he should sell what he is smoking at 1,000 the gram. Completely delusional.

  • SayWhaat

    @WW:

    I think at this point almost half my wardrobe comes from Modcloth, hahaha. I like their dresses, I think they really flatter my shape. What kind of dress did you get? IIRC we have the same figure.

  • Emily

    I like one-pieces, but I wear bikinis to the beach because I want my tummy to get some colour.

  • Jon

    I have mixed feelings about this.

    On one hand, it’s encouraging that people are becoming aware of the need to manage and protect their reputation online and that what seems like innocent fun right now could have negative consequences later.

    On the other, a world without spring break wet t-shirt contests seems like a darker place. :(

  • http://whatsyoursafeword.com leadsynth

    Long-time reader, first-time poster here. Susan, your denouncement of Facebook makes little sense to me. First you say how women are being smarter on spring break thanks to Facebook. Then you say Facebook has very few upsides and is used for “light stalking.” Facebook is how I keep in touch with hundreds of people, period. It’s not stalking to look at my friend’s photos from his South America trip or the car he’s restoring. I have friends and family all over the country and Facebook helps me keep track of eho is where. Facebook Events are my social calendar, and if you’re like me and have lots of friends in bands, theater shows, and other performances, Facebook is the only way to keep track of them all. As a freelance audio engineer and filmmaker, Facebook is fantastic for job-related networking. A journalist friend asked her Facebook network for freelance opportunities and got tons of help. It’s indispensable for promoting the bands I’m in and movies I worked on. The startup I work for uses Facebook every day as a promotional tool. I could go on and on. I’ve never been burned by Facebook, and I was an early adopter; I signed up the day Northwestern University got it. I think it’s very nearsighted of you to denounce it.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @leadsynth

      Welcome, and thanks for coming out of the shadows!

      Let me be clear – I’m not denouncing Facebook, except perhaps as an investment opportunity. If it works well for you, that’s awesome. It is obviously a product that millions (maybe even billions?) of people value. It clearly has one downside – it’s easily hacked into and viewed – you don’t have much privacy there. So it’s hardly surprising that college students on spring break are getting smart about avoiding risk.

      I also don’t mean to suggest that you are a stalker, or that everyone uses it for stalking. I don’t, lol. However, I have been aware recently of many people deactivating it. Aside from the risk aspect, many complain of seeing photos or wall posts they find upsetting. Whether it’s an ex’s new love life, a crush’s crushing on someone else, or a current SO who is photographed in a situation you don’t recognize and didn’t know about – people get very upset, often without real cause, just from hanging out on Facebook. In addition, Facebook has become an unfortunate but typical way for people to end relationships, or learn that they’re being cheated on.

      I think it’s peaked. I still say short the stock. But if it’s working for you, I don’t mean to suggest otherwise.

  • Malia

    @leap #64

    I actually have real life experience with hiring, I think it’s a good indicator. If someone is wilding out on the Internet, they’re a huge hiring risk and I’ve seen it play out first hand.

    Keep in mind that a lot of companies electronic access policies dictate that they can monitor the sites you visit so ones who have social media accounts under nicknames but access them at work… Yeah.

  • http://www.rosehope.com Hope

    SayWhaat and WW, I like modcloth but I find their prices to be on the high side. Plus I don’t like to shop for clothes online anymore. Things would look great on other models but look very strange on me. I generally need to try things on. That, and my husband doesn’t generally like the vintage look for some reason, and I dress for him as much as for myself.

  • WarmWoman

    @SayWhaat

    This is the dress I got.

    http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/peering-through-the-petals-dress

    I got a medium, because I thought maybe the small would be more suited for thin and narrow girls. The medium was too fluffy on me. Do you usually get size small dresses on that site? I ordered a couple of small t-shirts of theirs, and they fit well.

    Shopping at stores is tough for me, because a size small won’t fit my bust or hips. A size medium may just be too big for my waist/torso area.

  • http://www.rosehope.com Hope

    I have that same problem WarmWoman, and I’m not even all that busty/curvy. I just have a bit more than the current mannequin-size 2/XS. I still think it’s better to shop in stores, because you don’t have to mess with shipping/returning if it doesn’t fit, and you know exactly what it looks like on you since you can try on stuff.

    About Facebook… my timeline is squeaky clean. I don’t post much of anything at all, and I’ve been on Facebook since 2005. If I didn’t have so many people I want to follow on there, I wouldn’t have an active account at all. My husband deactivated his a while ago.

  • SayWhaat

    @ Hope and WW

    I also think Modcloth is pricey, but I only spend on dresses that I’m fairly sure will flatter me, and then I wear the hell out of them. I’ve gotten much better at figuring out how the cut of the dress will fit me, and the measurements of other reviewers helps me figure out what size I should get. I usually get small dresses.

    WW, that dress is so cute! I love it. I have the same problems you do when shopping at stores, haha.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @SayWhaat, @WW

      I cannot resist vintage. I wasted spent the whole afternoon scouring the net looking for vintage knitwear patterns. I’m on a knitting kick and I want to knit myself a circa 1940 sweater. I love weekends.

  • Clarence

    Leap:
    That’s not the point. I don’t care whether its Facebook or some other app, employers judging you for political comments you made years ago back when you were less security conscious or you thought you were anonymous is wrong in my book. It’s a basic thing: You don’t let those with too much economic power set rules for social life or what is acceptable political thought. No one elected them, and they are accountable to no-one. I’m not a party animal and, to my knowledge I have nothing embarrassing online (pretty much all of my private kinky sexual stuff was done prior to the internet being ubiquitous and the birth of Facebook and I haven’t been to a public party in 6 years) nor have I ever made many comments that could even be construed as hateful, and yet I’m not fine at all with the possibility that a political profile or a profile of my friends on social media could be assembled and used to deny me employment for political reasons or no reasons at all.

    I basically have nothing to hide, I simply shudder at the abuses to which this stuff has already been put, and can potentially be put. And the excuse for it. And I’m not about to judge people for what they did a decade or more ago unless it was something illegal or very heinous. I have that much decency and I recognize that young people often do dumb things.

  • Jon

    Shopping at stores is tough for me, because a size small won’t fit my bust or hips. A size medium may just be too big for my waist/torso area.

    And suddenly a lot of women just started hating WarmWoman…

    On a related note, I used to complain about being too muscular to look like Brad Pitt in fight club, then I stopped because I wasn’t getting much sympathy. ;)

  • WarmWoman

    Oops, didn’t mean to come off as superior or arrogant with my comment. Sorry!The reason why I don’t wear 2 pieces is because I’m not confident with my stomach being shown. So, we all have something that we don’t like .;)

    SayWhaat-Yeah, I’m going to try to order the small dresses and see how they turn out! I swear I could buy all of their dresses. They’re expensive, but if it looks good…why not.

  • Joe

    Give these people credit. They learned from others mistakes, why is the author trying to streeeeeetch this into something else.

  • Jon

    @WW

    That’s OK, you didn’t come across as arrogant. It was probably good to point out the downside of having a tiny waist and ample bosom.

    People have the idea that an hour-glass shape figure is some kind of ideal body style, but they just don’t understand how much of a burden it can be!

    I think the old priest in the movie Knight’s Tale said it best: “Pray that the years come quickly for you, taking your beauty so that you may better serve [God].”

  • J

    WW,

    That modcloth dress is adorable.

    Saywhaat,

    So is your swimsuit. Very classy.

    I’d wear modcloth, but I think the styling is too young for me. Nothing is more aging than ag inappropriate clothes, but I’d enjoy both those items if I were your age.

  • Emily

    Vintage knitting patterns! Why didn’t I think of that????! *pulls up Google*

    I recently stayed home instead of going to a party because I decided that I’d rather knit and watch Downton Abbey (I’m only on the second season so no spoilers!). How lame is that? : P

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Emily

      That’s my idea of heaven, and that was true even when I was in my early 20s. Enjoy DA – I loved the second season. I’ve done more needlepoint in recent years, but I’m getting back into knitting. Women like handcrafts – more proof of gender differences!

  • OffTheCuff

    Facebook is indeed evidence (not proof, evidence!) that your life does suck as much as you thought.

    I’ve notice a trend in the crowd of some friends of friends… all the men either have no profiles, or fake ones. No pictures, no updates, fake names. They probably know something I don’t.

  • http://4stargazer.wordpress.com/ Anacaona

    I’ve notice a trend in the crowd of some friends of friends… all the men either have no profiles, or fake ones. No pictures, no updates, fake names. They probably know something I don’t.

    Yeah most men really don’t care about Facebook it seems like. I wonder why. The only reason my husband has one is because he can keep tabs of his students so he knows where they are so he can hire them (Leap of beta probably understands better this being good for the kids, they are theater techs) but some other times he knows when they lie about where they were last time and a couple of times he has caught some kids sleeping in places they know very well they are not permitted to do so because their friends took pics and place them on Facebook (long hours in theater so sometimes they need to sleep in sight which they had places to do so), so point for the cyberstalking being a good tool to keep the kids in line. :)

  • http://stagedreality.wordpress.com Leap of a Beta

    @leadsynth

    I would say that you are one of the few people these days that don’t live a double life. Many, if not most, hate their jobs and do it for a paycheck and then go be crazy and ‘let go’ on the weekends.

    I’m not saying that a person can’t be themselves. What I’m saying is that they should find a career where the person they are on the weekend and the person they are during the week are the same person.

    @ Clarence
    Political views and beliefs are another story – I was simply talking about the use of facebook photos – which I think are completely within bounds of use. I’m not sure about political views – my gut instinct is that anything you believe personally and keep in a personal situation is out of bounds, but if you either post it online or are an advocate/protester, the company can and should be able to decide if your voice is a voice they want within their company.

  • http://loveashley.net Ashley

    I am glad to hear about some progress being made in people using a little bit more discretion in participating in activities that could end up online, even if it is just to keep from being caught rather than actually having self respect. I learned several years ago that I don’t want to have a double life. I don’t want to act like a girl gone wild and then lie and hide it from my parents, teachers, and my bosses, and I’m ok with that. I’m just not into the whole, “Oh I want to post this pic or status, but I don’t want this person to see it so I am going to hide this.” On the other hand, I do think it’s kind of creepy how public everything is nowadays, but maybe we just need to step back and check how we behave and why we want to live double lives so badly. Maybe I am bias because I don’t have any interest in doing anything even remotely scandalous that would be questionable to anyone, simply because I am somewhat of a public figure and I live my life as such.

  • Sassy6519

    Many, if not most, hate their jobs and do it for a paycheck and then go be crazy and ‘let go’ on the weekends.

    I’m not saying that a person can’t be themselves. What I’m saying is that they should find a career where the person they are on the weekend and the person they are during the week are the same person.

    This is what I’m striving for. I actually did something quite drastic this past month. I quit my job and have decided to go back to school for my master’s degree. I didn’t like what I was doing before. My soul wasn’t in it, and I value my happiness over money, for the most part.

    I’ve realized that I’ve never taken that many risks in my life. I know that if I am going to take a risk, it would be better to do it while I’m still young.

    I’m going to focus on what I want for awhile, and the pieces will fall where they may.

  • http://4stargazer.wordpress.com/ Anacaona

    Coincidentally enough I have a contact in my Facebook that just decided to talk about pro abortion point by revealing her own abortion last year. She has erased all negative comments and keep the supportive views. She lives in Spain so she is not living under our very pro-life society roof but I will be interesting in seeing if she has any negative consequences of her “life experience” still I’m shocked that people keep opening so much in Facebook. I have another contact that has keeps her quarrel with her sister and business partner in Facebook and there had been all sorts of accusations from robberies to drug use…Maybe this will end up being worst with people over sharing everything all the time to a point that no one with care? Time will tell.

  • Maggie

    “I’d rather knit and watch Downton Abbey”

    Absolutely! Only one more week to knit with Mad Men.

  • Jimmy Hendricks

    @Sassy

    This is what I’m striving for. I actually did something quite drastic this past month. I quit my job and have decided to go back to school for my master’s degree. I didn’t like what I was doing before. My soul wasn’t in it, and I value my happiness over money, for the most part.

    I’ve realized that I’ve never taken that many risks in my life. I know that if I am going to take a risk, it would be better to do it while I’m still young.

    I’m going to focus on what I want for awhile, and the pieces will fall where they may.

    I was in the exact same situation and did the exact same thing last year. Easily the best decision of my life. Congrats.

  • Jason

    People are so late to the party. I deactivated my facebook three months into my freshman year at college and never looked back. Within that time it was already causing me drama, and as a a budding college male it was the only logical decision. If anyone ever wanted to get in contact with me, or me with them, phone numbers were the way to go. If you couldn’t be bothered to call or text me then you weren’t that important in my life anyways.

    For any young single males out there, DEACTIVATE. There is so little upside and the downside can be huge.

  • http://areallthegoodnamesgone.blogspot.com Ted D

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/03/20/proposed-laws-would-forbid-employers-from-asking-for-job-seekers-social-media/#ixzz1pdo7czgZ?test=latestnews

    Not that is simply going too far. Requiring candidates to hand over the login and password for Facebook is ridiculous. If it is set to private, than the company has nothing to worry about regarding image.

  • Tom

    Facebook is indeed evidence (not proof, evidence!) that your life does suck as much as you thought.
    __________
    Actually facebook as been really cool for my age group. It has let us find and keep in touch with long lost friends from high school. Friends I grew up with can now share events in their life that we all find interesting…I can see where, if used wrongly or secretly, it could be a problem.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Tom

      Actually facebook as been really cool for my age group. It has let us find and keep in touch with long lost friends from high school.

      Which is why the 20-somethings are pretty much over it.

  • Tasmin

    “There’s a lot to be said for unplugging.”
    I ‘thumbs up’ this 100%.

    It is interesting how a culture that is so obsessed with individualism on the surface continually constructs mechanisms that work to reduce human interactions and motivations to the lowest common denominator. Or better yet, falsely empowers people through convenience, familiarity, and connectivity to volunteer themselves as increasingly predictable consuming sheep. I’m not saying that FB users are sheep, but they are kidding themselves if they are buying into any kind of altruism or hold blind confidence in FB as merely a tool of convenience to enrich their lives any more than they should believe that Budweiser will make them the life of that backyard pool party or that a new I-pad is their key to becoming that uber-creative documentary film maker. Budweiser is a marketing company that makes beer, Apple is a marketing company that designs consumer electronics, and FB is a marketing company that aggregates data. Your data. It is a feedback loop supported by a platform intended for comparative purposes and is driven by the human ego and its propensity to compete, project, fear, obsess, and lie for the purpose of propagating its own image.

    I need only look at the origin of FB in terms of its intent and application in those early days to support my decision to avoid it entirely. Not to mention how it has evolved in such an invasive manner to the point of becoming (or designing to be) the default for all communication. The fact that some people are modifying either their use of it or their behavior because the other edge of the sword is falling close is interesting, but not particularly encouraging given the broader implications of social media. Studies are trickling in regarding FB and bullying, body image/eating disorders, stalking/harassment, privacy-legal issues, developmental cognitive and communicative changes in adolescents, stress/anxiety, and addiction issues…

    Sure some of the findings will be whack and some will just be interesting, but many are already quite valid and damaging and this is after only a few years. Something I find interesting is that when I tell people that I am not on (or is it in?) FB, they often immediately feel the need to qualify their own participation – with no prompting from me at all – saying things like “I haven’t checked it in a while”, “I rarely use it”, “I’ve been thinking about dropping it”, or “I have to use it for my work”, etc. It is almost like people know that it may not be the be-all of human interaction and may even be unhealthy for a variety of reasons, but the fear of not belonging seems to carry the day. For the time being, there seems to be enough sugar in the rat poison to keep everyone nibbling.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Tasmin

      they are kidding themselves if they are buying into any kind of altruism or hold blind confidence in FB as merely a tool of convenience to enrich their lives any more than they should believe that Budweiser will make them the life of that backyard pool party

      The fact that people go to great lengths to take pictures of themselves pretending to have fun illustrates this point well.

      FB is a marketing company that aggregates data. Your data. It is a feedback loop supported by a platform intended for comparative purposes and is driven by the human ego and its propensity to compete, project, fear, obsess, and lie for the purpose of propagating its own image.

      Yes. The young people who have told me about deactivating have essentially admitted to me that Facebook brings out their worst selves.

      Something I find interesting is that when I tell people that I am not on (or is it in?) FB, they often immediately feel the need to qualify their own participation – with no prompting from me at all – saying things like “I haven’t checked it in a while”, “I rarely use it”, “I’ve been thinking about dropping it”, or “I have to use it for my work”, etc.

      That is interesting. Somehow my 78 year old dad got hoodwinked into signing up, and now he’s hopelessly confused by it. Leaving status updates that should be private messages, and sending private messages that should be status updates. And due to his tiny number of friends, his feed is nearly 100% comprised of his 16 year old granddaughters’ silly and random updates.

  • casey

    im totally over facebook, mines been deactivated for almost a year now. it was alright when it first started…i joined back in 2005 when i first got accepted into college and it was only for college kids.

    then it got too big and too invasive…photo tagging? timelines? status updates? mini feed? its all too much! i dont want people knowing and seeing what im doing at all times! in college i wasted countless hours on it, then after i graduated i realized how dumb it is. basically the purpose of facebook is to post pics, and quotes, and lines to look cool to a bunch of people you probably don’t even care about. all the people who are truly my friends know other ways of contacting me.

    • http://www.hookingupsmart.com Susan Walsh

      @Casey

      Welcome to HUS, thanks for leaving a couple of comments!