This morning I received an email from Susan Munson letting me know that Tom died yesterday afternoon. I know that all of you who read his brilliant, irreverent and hilarious comments here will grieve this loss with me. Although Munson kept us posted on his illness and his prognosis, I realized when I heard of his passing that I have been waiting for Munson to come back and begin writing again. It’s devastating to imagine this blog without him, and he leaves a vast hole in the space he filled with his intelligence and kindness.
Munson lived in Boise, Idaho. He was a prestigious lawyer, a devoted husband and dad to Paul, 23. He was so much larger than life – he was a reader, a philosopher, a brilliant observer, an astute historian and an incredible character. He embraced every experience to the fullest, including mental illness and his own final battle with cancer. (Don’t miss Living With Tom for a compelling account of the former.) His death at the age of 60 feels like a theft.
Munson seemed to have an encyclopedic knowledge of many things, but when he found HUS in November, he introduced himself as a neophyte and set out to learn what he could about hookup culture, and to share whatever observations he might from his own experience. Here’s how he burst onto the scene:
@ EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU
I was feeling pretty confident about commenting on this site, then read today’s rather cryptic (to me anyway)essay and the 62 (62!-and counting) comments that followed and realized….I don’t really have that much of a clue. I knew being married for 30 years, my last date having occurred in the middle of the Carter administration, and my complete lack of computer skills and nomenclature (beta guys? Who’s gviing out pills?) would be a drawback. But I’m playing standard chess, y’all are playing 3 dimensional. It’s the rhetorical equivalent of the scence in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”: I pull out a broad sword, you shoot me in the head with a .44 Magnum.
“Hooking up” sounds like something cooked up by guys, in fact it’s what gay dudes used to tell me they did pre-AIDS (late 70s). I said as much, and my son said in reality most of the chicks he knew reacted like they would have in my day-feeling ripped off, emotionally bereft, partially confirmed in their sexuality but paying a lot for it.
I said I wanted the basics SMV – is that a typo? HB 8 – what’s that?
I was NOT trying to be normative – I was just trying to see if I UNDERSTOOD the general tenor of the discussion. I have not had a date since the middle of the Carter administration, will never have another one, but oddly like to follow and drop in on the discussion. There are dozens of terms tossed casually around and many have been explicating the situation for a long time. If I can just see the dust from the ponies ahead of me I’ll be ok.
It’s hard for me to choose my favorite comments of Munson’s – he wrote nearly 800. For me, these two stand out:
There is a prominent place within our spirit that contains our sexuality. It goes so far beyond need, ego satisfaction, craving-the sex itself is only a pebble tossed into an immense lake; the ripples extend from here to eternity. Deny it and ultimately you will feel bereft. Deny it long enough and you will lose forever the capacity to know it. It’s called consequences. Every moment of your life and every act you do or forbear carries them.
I will be dead in a year and I would not trade places with any one of you. I would not bet that I could find again the love I found, lived, have and will have to my last dying breath. My regimen has nearly destroyed my body; I look like ET or the first pregnant man you ever saw. I am swollen, distended, irritable-yeah, pregnant except women don’t lose their hair. And when my Susan looks at me I KNOW she sees none of that, she sees the man she loves and wants to keep, as long as she can, and I her, whatever the cost , however the losses mount up.
And I will tell you this. You will never find that, or even come remotely close to it, none of you, in gratuitous anonymous hookups, narcissistic meaningless seminal discharges, or whatever the hell else you want to call these vulgar bestial couplings that are even worse than the meanderings of barnyard animals. It doesn’t even rise to the level of disgusting.
So keep at it. Keep at this long enough and you will leave this world never knowing what I’ve known. Forget what I’ve written here; it will be a blessing that you do not know what you’ve missed.
But I can’t resist. Look on the end of that hook you’re using to “hook up” with; what’s on it?
If you cannot answer that, even Uncle tom cannot help you.
I think the end goal of all religion, philosophy, psychology, anything that is designed to lift the spirit of man is to instill a deep and abiding sense of gratitude. On all levels, as to all things. I think it is the unifying concept of our existence, that which makes all of the events in our lives by turns wonderous, ecstatic, endurable, surmountable. Without a sense of gratitude we become unmoored, unhinged, we want more and more, are never satisfied, and as we succeed in our obtaining we don’t get the “payoff” we expect, in fact may not even achieve satiation, only a dull pause before the itch rekindles. I think gratitude does for the human psyche what creativity does in the arts: it is a unifying capacity that, once developed, can manifest itself in as many ways as we see fit, expanding and adding to our experience.
I see gratitude playing an unlikely role in the very topic of this site-initmacy, how to achieve it and nurture it into a strong loving relationship. Gratitude restores our balance. It gives our innate humanity a blueprint to follow in our interactions, a core sense of ourselves that helps vitiate the worst effects of monsters like the SMP, where people are rated (“a 5, maybe a 6″), games are played (“shit test”-Lord help me), where manipulation is extolled as a virute rather than condemned as the utterly contemptible practice that it is. I’m getting too florid; I need to give you an image.
Dear Sister Agnes gave our class the following example of Heaven and Hell. HELL: a large dinner table with the most sumptuous food imaginable. Seated are people near starved to death; they have very long spoons, so long that they cannot insert them into their mouths. Each spoon is piled with food, but they cannot get to it.
HEAVEN: exactly the same scene, only here everyone is healthy and well-fed. Their spoons are the same, but they reach across the table to feed each other. They are happy, satisfied, at peace, probably a little overweight. I would posit that a sense of gratitude gave the second group the power to avoid the pitfalls of the first.
Ok Munson, so what does that have to do with us this Friday at the local Hookin’ Up place? Thought you’d never ask. What, you can’t apply the spoon analogy? When you look across the room at someone, do you think “What have they got for me?” (i e looks, sexual appeal, etc.) Well, how’s about “What is in me for them?” Hold you spoon out. I’m not expecting you’ll become a bunch of St. Francis of Assissi’s, but your heart will start in the right place-’cuz it will be where your soul is.
Don’t expect any help from our culture. It is based on the pursuit of luxury and comfort, near mindless materialism, and a literally mindless hedonsim. It tells you if you acquire all the right pieces, you can assemble happiness like a tinker toy. Nope. Never worked, never will. First of all, happiness is an ingredient, not a result. You put happiness INTO your life, not the other way around. And the main ingerient of happiness is gratitude. Think about it; you’ve never met anyone who is happy who is not grateful.
To start you on your gratitude project, I’ll leave you with this: 399,999 other sperms were in the mix to create you, but you won. Be grateful.
Munson was diagnosed with his illness in February. Three of his comments from that time moved me deeply:
My wife and I have been of course crying and consoling today, but she has told me “I don’t care if we live in an apartment or a tent by the Boise River, all I need is you.” It doesn’t matter what I lose-my hair, my colon, my liver-I will never lose her, nor she me. The image I have of us is (a little corny) two rocky outcroppings joined together against the ocean; though wave after wave assail us, we’re still there. I hope each of you in this noisy point in your life finds that, finds someone who lives the vows of “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” I wish for you:
To know the pain of too much tenderness
To be wounded by your own understanding of love
And to bleed willingly and joyfully
“The Prophet” Kahlil Gibran
@ Everyone
I wrote about what Susan and I went through a week ago today. It was big, eventful. But you know what really captures out marriage, what truly encapsulates it, is something that goes on almost everyday for the last 17 years, or at least ever work day. We moved into a 2 story house then. When I come home from work she is usually upstairs; she can’t hear me come in so I yell “Hey hon’!” And ever time, every time, she hollers “HIIIIIII!!!!” in a voice so full of joy and delight, so glad I’m home, so complete in its unexpurgated happiness that I’m touched EVERY TIME I HEAR IT! I soar hearing it like a UFO in an Ed Wood movie (ref”Plan Nine From Outer Space”; “Ed Wood”).
She just called from the gym; it’s 9:40 p m here. I had recently expressed a renewed preference for boxer shorts, and I have my biopsy scheduled tomorrow morning. She was calling me to inform me that Shopko is still open and if I wanted she’d drop in and get me some boxers (I have a dozen pairs). I told her no, it can wait. Those are the things that comprise day-to-day love, not the balcony scenes from Romeo & Juliet.
God I love her.
Many people have been telling me, in reference to my condition, to “rage, rage against the dying of the light”. Dylan Thomas epic lines are certainly moving. But I am called to remember God’s response to Job when he questioned God’s running of things, and specifically His undeserved punishment of him. I can’t do it justice, but God comes out of a whirlwind and says to Job Where were you when I created the universe? Tell Me how I did it, if you have the understanding? Did you give yourself life? Have you so many days you can tell Me how to move the stars of the Pleiades, or scatter the ones of Orion? Who gave you undertstanding of your own heart? Who gave you wisdom? Can you even perceive the breadth of the earth? Do you water the deserts where no man has set foot? Do you feed the lions? Do you keep the waves at bay, or know how light is created? Do you know how to make rivers, that the denizens thereof have homes? Where have you such understanding that you can question anything I do? Who gave you this responsibility?
I am not Job. I have been blessed with abundance.
I am working on assembling Munson’s writing into a PDF of his wit and wisdom and will offer a download here soon so that you can all have a copy.
Munson and I were only a few years apart in age, and he referred to me as his “sister from another mister.” He also addressed me as Cheerful on the blog, short for Cheerful Sadist, which he felt captured the expression of my avatar photo. I will miss Munson so much. My heart goes out to his family and friends.
What are your favorite memories of our beloved Munson?
{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }
“What are your favorite memories of our beloved Munson?”
That Munson was a 60 year old man who came here with a lifetime of life, experience and love, to share it with us as eloquently as he did.
That when it all comes down to it, life is about love. That he found it, and told everyone on this websites and others how to find it.
That he lived his life to the last, he gave his all to the last, and didn’t give up.
I almost forgot:
Requiescat in pace, Thomas.
Yeah…
“On a more serious note I did register your message of hope, it’s a good one. One I will remember.”
Part of the last comment I left on his page, I didn’t realise that the end was that near. What a nice man and what an appetite for life
too soon Tom, you will be missed and remembered.
My sympathies to his family and those who were lucky enough to know him in real life
Damn. I was hoping that he was just too wiped out from treatments to spend time online.
My thoughts and prayers are with Munson’s family and friends. He touched a lot of people through his blogging, and something tells me he attacked life in general with that same zeal and drive, so I’m positive that he was a significant influence on countless people in the world. Without knowing a single thing about his personal life, I fully believe he is leaving behind a wonderful legacy.
Memories?
My first memory of hearing about Tom, was him being described as the infamous source of the ‘concentration camp for boomers’ concept. As he pointed out, they wouldn’t be cruel places to live, just secure. Loved his sense of humour, it was uncomfortably close to mine but he got (more) laughs.
My latest good memory is him admitting to having had a 70s’ perm and porn star moustache (in his defence, this was in the 70s). He said that he looked like an owl. See? he made me laugh today, even after hearing the news.
This is so very sad. I’m really sorry we lost him. I was actually in denial that he might not make it and that is why I we didn’t heard from him. Hoping that his thirst for life will keep him around for a long time, but the realistic part of me listened on a warning J gave me and I was preparing myself for this as well. It still hurts…a lot.
I know we have plenty of unbelievers here but I always refused to believe that nature waste things, the first law of thermodynamics is: energy cannot be created from nothing or reduced to nothing. Every natural process transforms energy and moves energy, but cannot create or eliminate it is that nothing is created or destroyed . I’m sure we didn’t get to know not even 10% of the wisdom and knowledge Munson had on his beautiful mind and I refuse to believe that the 90% of it was just electric impulses designed to be just white noise.
I’m almost positive that his memories, spirit, experience, the unique way to see the world Munson had couldn’t be lost forever and most had taken his place on the vast out of reach eternity and his essence is now happy, content, complete and rewarded for fulfilling his individual mission on this universe.
Whatever him chooses to do now, become one with God, go to heaven or just take another round in this imperfect world of ours. I’m glad that I got to meet him on this brief and shining moment of his life.
To a new definition of life for Thomas Munson, I will remember him forever.
From the photos, that’s a dashing lad who aged like good pinot. I’m sorry for your loss.
Oh dear God, I was expecting this, and still I feel like my heart is stuck in my throat.
My sincerest condolences to the Munson family which was so privileged to have had him for too, too brief a time. May God comfort, heal and give them strength now that Tom has found surcease from his pain.
What a lovely sentiment, I’m going to hold on to that thought.
@Just1X
I’m so glad you just laughed! In looking over his comments the last couple of days I got laughing so hard! He was particularly fond of claiming that if so and so tried something with him, he would break off their arm and shove it up their ass. His imagery was hilarious even when violent!
Munson was always saying he was not handsome, but that’s obviously nonsense. He’s gorgeous in that wedding photo.
Finally, I think perhaps my favorite Munson moment of all was his complete and utter pwning of Doug1, who he ultimately accused of not even being a lawyer. Putting up with Doug1 was almost worth it just to see Munson respond to his legal arguments.
Wow… I am stunned to hear this. I was so hoping that he was still fighting and doing well.
My deepest condolences to his family and close friends. I may not have known him for as long or as personally, but nonetheless I feel a tremendous loss. He was a great, wise and intelligent man, and he had a lot more wisdom to share.
We will surely miss him.
The Doug stuff was great, but I will remember Munson most for his joie de vivre and love for his family. There was a real sweetness under the bombast and violent imagery that, coupled with his wit and intelligence, made him a very appealing guy. He had a BIG soul. How can that not last forever?
He didn’t post much here while I did, but I remember reading his comments for a long time. The man provided a kind of reflected positivity you don’t get much in this corner of the web. I didn’t know him nearly as well as others here, but it’s a big loss for sure.
How can pixels forming words across a screen bring tears for a person you’ve never met? We will all miss Mr. Munson, and my deepest condolences to his family.
He called himself Uncle Tom around here; he was the uncle we all wished we had! He was SO funny, so smart with all the literary references and allusions and wordplay, and he was *so* kind and generous. His words will live on forever.
Uncle Tom was like the sun. Everyone was drawn to his warmth: old and young, men and women, dating and married. There are not too many people who can unite the MRAs and HUSsies and everyone in between, but Uncle Tom did.
I, too, loved the “legal smackdown” series of comments. But even more than that, the way he was ready to give Doug1 a second chance after being banned, since he (Uncle T) had been given a second chance as well. His character was incredible and his generosity was epic.
We will all miss you so much Uncle Tom. May flights of angels sing you to your rest–
So soon? Sad news. Every condolence to his wife.
Susan, I agree, he and his wife both looked like celebrities or movie stars in their wedding photo! Just gorgeous. They both continued to look fantastic, too!
(Susan)
“Mr Munson’s message of hope”
this is from The Private Man’s “Living like Tom” page. Tom was quite prolific, but towards the end of the page came the following comment from Tom. Still combining humour with a deep message, less than a month from death. This is why laughter doesn’t feel inappropriate, but isn’t my only reaction
“I do offer this as a message of hope. Approximately 1 1/2 years from being a foaming at the mouth lunatic (ok it was toothpaste, and there was a reason, but keep the image) at a state hospital, feared by staff, patient and visitor alike, I was in orientation in my law school class. I met my future wife at that same time; we’ve . I graduated, went to work at a presitigious law firm, made partner. I turned 24 in a state hospital, but recovered to be on my way to a successful life before I turned 25. When I hear of problems people are having with their kids, I reflect on my situation circa 1975-6 ( I share it with a very select few, for obvious reasons). I have had issues, yes, but surmountable. So are yours. Keep looking. There are answers. “
Oh no.
So sorry to hear he died so soon. I was hoping for some more time for him with his family and friends.
Go with God, Tom.
My fav memories of his wit were when he described his colonoscopy session discussions with his doctor thus :
‘First up was the rectal exam where I told the doc “5 seconds is work, 10 seonds is a date, and after that I epxect a ring on my finger.”’
What can I say?
He really will be missed round these parts…
My condolences to his wife and son, and wider network of friends, acquaintances and colleagues.
Tom was quite prolific, but towards the end of the page came the following comment from Tom. Still combining humour with a deep message, less than a month from death. This is why laughter doesn’t feel inappropriate…
Oh God, yeah. Laughter is quite appropriate.
Of all the folks, I’ve met on the net, he was the one I wished most that I could meet IRL.
I am not an emotional guy.
Yet I find myself weeping bitter tears over Munson’s death.
And I don’t know why…
@Private Man
You are crying because he was the real deal. It’s OK. His death deserves your tears.
I know with absolute certainty that Tom would want us laughing up a storm while remembering him. We were always open about how much we enjoyed him and he took such pleasure from that! He was touched to his soul by his reception online, both here and at Private Man’s. He was warm and generous.
Laughter and tears are inextricably linked when contemplating Munson. That is right and good, in my view.
@TPM
not just you and I never talked to him by phone. Working on a hangover-so far so good
Susan, and gratitude. I love his dissertation on gratitude! It is so eloquent and powerful. I’m grateful to have been here when he was. He, too, was full of gratitude, even while fighting cancer. A clear sign of a great man.
“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. ”
- C. S. Lewis
Munson simply wrote the truth and wrote it well. His outlook was refreshing. I wish I’d known him better. May God be with his family and friends.
He was a real man, Hope, not some phony alpha with fake nonchalance, hiding behind his aloofness or internet snarkiness. He had some horrible problems as a young man, found the strength to face them and to eventually build a life based on love, family, honesty and real values. He was not stuck in anger, blame and bitterness as so many who encounter pain or difficulties are. Despite the injustice of his final months, he continued to reach out to people and to leave them a legacy that might guide them.
Coincidetally, I attended a funeral recently for a friend who also died of cancer. He was a warm, non-judgmental, helpful kind and giving man. A doctor, he continued to offer advice and support to people in the community during his remission. The funeral was crammed with people crying for this man who was ridiculously short, conventionally ugly, and uxoriously grateful to have found a wife who made a lovely family with him. He was an omega by the standards of some, yet his loss will continue to be felt by my community for years to come. A shining example of what really matters in the long run.
Two things. The hilarious tales of the summer of ’76 on PM’s blog. And his nutsy blogs on the Boise State football boards. Talked to him first last November after discovering common acquaintences. Thought I had enough time to talk him into a road trip to the Boise State-Michigan State football game on Aug. 31. Guess not. That sucks.
He was a good man, a witty commenter and an insightful observer of the human condition, but above all, he was a courageous man who left this world undefeated and unbowed. Requiescat in pace.
I’m so sorry to hear, his family will certainly be in my thoughts.
Mine too, definitely.
I will never forget when Munson ripped Doug1 a new and proper A-hole on the topic of marriage and child support laws.
He was dignified, joyful, and funny as heck.
He will definitely be missed.
Rest in peace friend.
Condolences to his family.
He was a good guy. Someone worth learning from.
May he rest in peace.
My favorite Munson comment is already quoted in your post, Susan. I love his image of the rocky outcroppings. It is something to aspire to.
By the mercy of God, may he rest in peace.
Oh crap. What a loss. rip Munson
What I knew of Munson came from the words he wrote on various blogs. He could teach and entertain, and he had my respect. When he had an important point he wanted to get across, he had a sense of gravitas about him.
@Jackie
Because in some cases, the brightness in a person will shine over any distance once you know they are there.
I too, had been waiting to hear from Munson on many of our recent threads. Sadly, he has left it for us to discover our own wisdom to answer them well.
As for favorite memories, Susan captured mine above with the first of her favorite comments. In those short paragraphs he demonstrated he got it better than a full house of Roissies over Amanda Marcottes could in a century of research.
RIP Tom…
A man’s good name is his best monument.
Mr. Munson,
Gone, but not forgotten…
“When you wake up to the promise
Of your dream world comin’ true
With one less friend to call on
Was it someone that I knew”
I greatly appreciated and enjoyed Munson’s writing, and always felt a spark when his colored pattern symbol appeared to announce a new comment. He seemed like someone I or anyone might be proud to resemble. But we can’t start wearing “What would Munson do?” pins, for a very important reason: he was unpredictable and deep. His writing was full of substance, as well as humor, but he definitely didn’t inhabit a stereotype of any kind, or spend all this time riding particular hobbyhorses. In a lot of exchanges I couldn’t have predicted at all what he would say, but it was always cogent, lyrical and worth reading. A real creator, and now a real loss. But now we can at least strive to be worthy of his good example, and may that help us all.
I was just thinking about him the other day. I’m so terribly saddened by this news. My heart goes out to his family.
I think the biggest thing I appreciated about Munson was the hope he gave me after I read his comments. For all the doom and gloom and anger that gets tossed around here, his humorous comments were like a beacon imparting wisdom. I will miss his presence here so much.
>> “I know we have plenty of unbelievers here but I always refused to believe that nature waste things, the first law of thermodynamics is: energy cannot be created from nothing or reduced to nothing. Every natural process transforms energy and moves energy, but cannot create or eliminate it is that nothing is created or destroyed . I’m sure we didn’t get to know not even 10% of the wisdom and knowledge Munson had on his beautiful mind and I refuse to believe that the 90% of it was just electric impulses designed to be just white noise.”
Ana, that’s beautiful! Rest in Peace Munson.
Heartbreaking. I feel honored that he chose to spend his last months chatting with us.
This still grieves me.
My condolences to Toms family.
Miss a wise, kind and funny man.
Very sad, to hear that Tom has passed away, Susan.
He was a man of great intellect..(And boy, he sure showed Doug who was boss, eh?) I loved reading his wise and oh so witty words.
He was also a good and decent man. An upbeat and positive kind of guy.
A man who was totally devoted to his wife. He adored her.. She felt the same about him. They meant the world to one another.
If ever there was an example to all, of a good loving and selfless marriage, then, Tom and Susan’s Munson’s was it!
They had a deep and abiding love and a spiritual connection that had them bound inextricably together. They were a team.
This is the stuff enduring marriages are made of.
Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord
And let perpetual light shine upon him.
May he rest in peace, Amen. * bows head as a mark of respect*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_m7unArv8g
Dedicated to Tom and his wife Susan.
Ah, Sweet Mystery Of Life.. Those two certainly found it.
This has been a bad year for this sort of thing. The world has been dimmed.
One reason, among many, that contemporary Christianity is so lame is that no mention is made of the dark side of things; which makes it that much harder to ever identify the light when it appears. TM got that very clearly. His time of near mad-ness from an ontological crisis back in his 20s was no doubt, at the time, utterly un-wanted and un-sought. Nonetheless, it was an essential part of the process to formed his remarkably solid foundation for his life going forward.
I think that even the darkest parts of the Roissy worldview (or especially the darkest parts) are much the same. No one wants that shit to be true. Men hate the implications of these realizations and women are programmed to never easily even be able to have them. It is a field of knowledge and a set of experiences that virtually everyone would prefer to avoid. Likewise, a healthy 20 something year old guy like TM would prefer not to be wrestling with demons in the dark. He would rather be care free and happy go lucky. But there is darkness and there are demons to fight and if a soul is going to get to cosmic gratitude, some of the thanks will have to go to the unwanted encounters with them.
I’m relatively new to HUS, and nave not had the pleasure of reading much of what Munson had to share, but I do enjoy seeing all of the remembrances here. It looks like he’s made a deep impact. This goes to show that you don’t have to be a celebrity or public figure to leave a legacy of touched hearts and influenced minds. My condolences to Tom’s family.
@Susan
I am very much looking forward to the compilation of Munson’s writings. I absolutely loved what you shared here. It’s such a joy to read something so genuine about practice as shallow and narcissistic as hooking up.
RIP Munson.
Thomas V Munson.
Since you’re no longer here, and since you will never be here again, all I can say is that I wish you were here, to hijack the comment thread with some hilarious comment.
Rest In Piece.
(Oh and by the way Thomas, I hope you’re not explaining to them angels some new terminology for anal sex.)
My condolences to his family and loved ones.
I was a longtime lurker and remember reading Munson words of wisdom. His comment about gratitude (highlighted in this post) hits home for me and is one of my favorites.
RIP Munson.
I have deleted comments in this thread that were not specific to Munson. My intention was to provide a space where we mgiht share memories of Munson and condolences for his family. In addition, I have shared this link with Susan Munson, and I believe she will visit to see these tributes to Tom. I do not wish to clutter the thread or confuse her.
Thanks to everyone who voiced their concern about the comments here. The “ethics of concealment” thread is still active if anyone wishes to take the debate there.
Perhaps part of our cultural woes result from the inability of older americans such as this man to relate to the realities of today’s sexual marketplace. You cannot simply “get married” today, you have to live in the world as it is – not how you would like it to be. Sometimes you take what you can get.
I will miss his commentary very much.
I just noticed the pics at the top. In his young wedding photo, he looks very much like Viggo Mortensen.
His wife must have been very happy in choosing him
My heart goes out to his family. In keeping with the Viggo theme, i offer a quote from my favorite movie that i think should apply here:
“End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path… One we must all take. The gray rain-curtain of this world falls back, and all changes to silver glass… And then you see it.”
“What? Gandalf? …See what?”
“White shores…and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise.”
“Well, that isn’t so bad.”
“No…No, it isn’t.”
Thank you, that’s it! It’s been driving me crazy!
Me too Susan.
In addition, I have shared this link with Susan Munson, and I believe she will visit to see these tributes to Tom.
For what is worth I named a character in my trilogy of probably the best dad I could conceive Thomas after him, I didn’t wanted to mention it because I though it might depress him. But I really love this character and I think it was the closest to meeting him in person I would ever be. I hope his widow find it a worth it way to remember him…forever.
I didn’t see Munson’s writings. Before I arrived. I wish I had seen them in real time. Two reasons. I’ve been married since 1971. Gives us more in common than I have with most folks reading HUS. And his advice about asking yourself, on seeing an attractive person, “What can I give him/her?” pretty much invalidates somewhere north of 99% of dating/hooking up/pua/etc advice on the ‘sphere, mano or otherwise. Be interesting to see discussions in which that idea played a part.
He is really a loss to everyone who is following this blog. His insights were really good, it gives a nice perspective after reading your post.
May he rest in peace.
At the risk of having yet another comment of mine taken down on some fallacious stuff, my original line of questioning aimed at ms j applies to richard aubreys comment above: what does puas the manosphere et al have to do with the purported purpose of this post? Why is it so very necessary to take shots at “phony alphas” puas “the sphere” and the rest of it, if the goal is indeed to honor the life of the deceased? In my view i dont have to big up mr munson by putting down folk who again, aint bothering any of you here, and that none of you have a dog in the fight in any event. Mr munsons life stands completely on its own w/o any need or recourse to putting anyone else down, no matter what someones personal (and more often than not grossly misguided) views of those “others” might be. If i were a family member of his, id be scratching my head at least, and wildly offended at worst.
Im just sayin.
O.
@Obsidian
Munson did indeed stand in stark contrast to many in the ‘sphere. In fact, PUAs and MRAs do come to this site with some regularity, and on more than one occasion Munson dealt with them swiftly, dismantling their arguments so effectively they were left speechless, or at least backpedaling hard. It was a wonder to behold.
Munson was a philosopher and celebrated the joys of complete spiritual and physical union with another person. He never concerned himself with “game” and he had no political axe to grind. Part of his genius was his view from the outside – a 60 yo man, deeply in love with his wife of almost 35 years. He showed up at HUS and reminded us, even taught us, what is important.
He was a charmer. He adored compliments, he often said they made his heart soar. He often praised others as well. When people left comments responding sympathetically to his diagnosis, he answered each and every one with appreciation for the good wishes. He was never snarky, sarcastic, cocky or superior, unless he was taking down someone of that description, in which case his blow was lethal.
Munson was a handsome, dominant, brilliant, humble man.
And his advice about asking yourself, on seeing an attractive person, “What can I give him/her?” pretty much invalidates somewhere north of 99% of dating/hooking up/pua/etc advice on the ‘sphere, mano or otherwise.
And yet he was the guy with the longterm, happy marriage. What does that say to you?
To me it says that he was an advocate of values, not ROUTINES, STRATEGIES, or TECHNIQUES, but actual VALUES, that really work in maintaining a relationship. As I read Munson, despite his bombastic and witty style, he was all about values, and fairly traditional values at that. I liked and respected that combination of traits in him. He was the real deal.
I just came back to read, and saw Munson had passed. So sad. I loved his comments and humor.
Fuck.
That was much sooner than I thought it would be. I guess in a way that’s better, & I hope meant less suffering.
I remember when the Munster first appeared, something about his early declamations rubbed both me & Mahoney up the wrong way. They seemed somehow arrogant &, I don’t know.. bombastic? They were screeds. We both took the piss a little. I see now that was just unfamiliarity with a new medium he hadn’t encountered before. What is so noteworthy about this is how quickly he recalibrated, because seemingly overnight had won me over, along with just about everyone else here, I believe. That in itself says much about the character of the man.
He was a good, full, wise man. He had a lived life to share. His words had resonance, they echoed awhile, & I’m glad to hear there is a record of them, so that they can continue to resound.
I find I am moved as if it was someone close to me that has passed, & if there is anything good to find in this, perhaps it is the miracle of his & our humanity shining through all this cold, distancing technology: Munson wasn’t famous, he wasn’t some film star or a celebrity & yet he touched all our lives in some way, & so we miss someone we’ve never met. There is something special, & beautiful, in that.
He’s gone back home, back to the sea, back to the source from whence we all came. Blessings be upon him, & there may he be at peace.
I find I am moved as if it was someone close to me that has passed, & if there is anything good to find in this, perhaps it is the miracle of his & our humanity shining through all this cold, distancing technology:
I hope this is appropriated but I think is worth sharing when I was younger I was very skeptical of “long distance relationships”
The first forum I ever became a regular was Corona forums, specially the X-Men board. One of our commenter Darthtron was killed by a drunk driver around a year after I joined, his sister logged in to tell us the horrible news. It was so hard and I felt the loss so much, that kind of convinced me that it was possible to connect with someone across the distance through a cold screen in a dark room.
We evolved to be social and is probably along with reproduction and feeding the most crucial trait that allowed us to survive, so any media will work so long as we are open. Hence there is a purpose on everything even on ranting on the net. One never knows whose life is changing just by reading what we have to say, YMMV.
We evolved to be social and is probably along with reproduction and feeding the most crucial trait that allowed us to survive, so any media will work so long as we are open. Hence there is a purpose on everything even on ranting on the net. One never knows whose life is changing just by reading what we have to say, YMMV.
Beautiful!
To me it says that he was an advocate of values, not ROUTINES, STRATEGIES, or TECHNIQUES, but actual VALUES, that really work in maintaining a relationship.
Not the thread to debate this, but there is NOTHING fundamentally incompatible with having solid values along with a toolbox of strategies and techniques.
I agree. What I mean is that Tom knew that having common values and treating people in a manner that is in line with those values is the key to maintaining relationships.
@ J
Gracias
De nada!
I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that HUS is predicated on this precise idea. Strategies and tactics can provide a huge competitive advantage in the SMP, and I believe that both women and men are well served by having them. Of course, some tactics allow one winner – one person gains at the direct expense of the other. It is critical for both sexes to separate individuals based on whether their strategic orientation is short-term or long-term.
Bye Munson, you are yet another person I wish I’d known better.
I think the Mexicans say, “vaya con dios, hasta la vista.”
Susan…Please let me know when your PDF compilation is published. I knew Tom only in passing, but my wife & I are next door neighbors and close friends of his mother Bon & brother Rick. I can say that all the qualities attributed to Tom by the folks appearing here have been acquired honestly through inheritance. At 85, Bon is one of the most delightful, engaging people I’ve had the pleasure to know.
I stumbled across your blog site quite by accident. I asked Rick if he was aware of his brother’s prolific writing – he was not. When I said I’d try to get your compilation into Bon’s hands, his reply was very moving…he said “Ryan, the holidays were very hard this year. Tom was always the Master of Ceremonies for the family, and the void was huge. I can’t think of anything my mom would appreciate more than to receive this.”
@Ryan
Thank you for writing. I might need your help. After I wrote this post, I was contacted by a lawyer who warned me that copyright issues may be a factor, and also that Susan Munson should have some say over what happens with the writings. I haven’t really been sure how to proceed. As an aside, he said that he thought there might be a market for Munson’s writings as a book. I’d be happy to compile them for the family if they wish to seek publication.