My recent post describing the importance of a woman escalating emotionally to draw a man in and create attachment has hit a nerve. I’ve heard from several women readers who have tried out some of the suggestions with positive results. In addition, several readers both male and female have expressed curiosity about which gestures worked.
I’ll describe the ones I’ve learned about, then let’s share ideas! I’ll follow hurricane naming conventions to protect privacy 🙂
1. Adelae and Andrew had a second date planned for Saturday night. Andrew had gotten a dinner reservation at a place they both wanted to try, but he’d had to settle for 8:30. Adelae suggested he come by for a drink first. She went to the liquor store and picked up a six-pack of the microbrew he’d ordered on their first date. When he arrived and she poured it for him, he was pleasantly surprised. He asked, “Wait, is this just coincidence or did you know this is my favorite beer?” She said, “I remembered that you ordered it on our first date.”
2. Brendan and Becca had plans to grab dinner one Friday after work. After most of Brendan’s coworkers took off early for the Hamptons, he was stuck holding the bag when a last minute request from a client came up. At 9:30 he called Becca to apologize for missing dinner. He said, “I know it’s late, but we could still get drinks if you want.” Becca asked him if he’d eaten, and when he admitted he hadn’t, she said, “Listen, why don’t you just come over. I’ll make you something, and we can relax with a glass of wine. You sound like you need to put your feet up.” Brendan said, “That sounds awesome. I’ll be there in 15.”
3. Caitlyn really values the small affectionate gestures that Charlie makes after sex. Little kisses, stroking her hair, running a finger down her arm, or touching her face while looking into her eyes are the moments where she feels something real happening between them. She decided to initiate some of these gestures herself, even though she knows that guys aren’t that emotional about sex. One morning, she fell back onto the pillow and turned toward Charlie. She caressed Charlie’s face, ran her thumb along his jaw and chin, then stroked his cheek. She smiled and kissed him gently on the lips. He was right there with her – the emotional energy between them was intense.
4. Daphne and Dylan agreed to meet for drinks one evening. They hadn’t been dating long, and Dylan has not yet let Daphne pay for anything. When she arrived at the bar before him, she requested a table, and ordered drinks for both of them. When he arrived, he saw his scotch and grinned. “You got me.”
5. Emily had a great first date with Edward. She’s used to getting thank you texts from guys…”Hey, thanks for coming out tonight, I had a great time.” When she got home, she decided to initiate the text this time. She said, “Thanks so much for dinner, I really enjoyed our date tonight. I would love to do it again if you’re down.” Edward texted back right away, “Haha you beat me to it. I’d love to. Let me give it some thought and I’ll call you this week.”
6. Felicity’s ex was very sensitive to her getting attention from other guys. On a few occasions, drunk guys had walked up to them while they were out and stated that she was too hot to be dating him. Since he was very cocky and dominant, (though not particularly handsome), Felicity had welcomed these interventions as small triumphs, a reminder to him that he had done quite well for himself.
Now, though, she was single again and had been dating Frank for a few weeks. Frank seemed to be a genuinely good guy, and she wanted to emotionally escalate with him, without worrying about having the upper hand for a change. When they went to a ballgame with friends and then out to a nearby bar afterwards, Felicity kept her attention firmly focused on Frank. After one beer, she told him that she couldn’t wait to be alone with him, and was ready to leave whenever he was. On their way out the door, with his hand on the small of her back, she avoided eye contact with strangers.
7. Greta had only been on three dates with George when his birthday arrived. She wanted to celebrate without presuming too much so early. She told him that she’d like to cook dinner for his birthday, on whatever night worked best for him (she assumed he would spend his actual birthday with family or close friends). She put a lot of effort into the food, music, candles, etc. and bribed her roommates to stay out for the evening.
8. Henry called Hannah in a terrible mood. After 20 minutes of complaining about his work, he suddenly said, “Hey, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to listen to me complain like this.” She said, “Don’t be silly. It sounds like you worked really hard and didn’t get the credit you deserved. We all need to vent sometimes, I don’t mind at all. So what did your boss say next?”
9. Isabel hoped to see Isaac over the weekend. An associate in banking, he knew he would probably have to work both days. On Saturday evening, his only free time, he took the train out to his parents’ home for dinner. Isaac apologized to Isabel for not having been more available. She said, “I love how close you are to your family. It’s one of the things I like most about you. I’m sure your parents were happy to see you.” Isabel told me that it’s important for her to remember that Isaac has very little free time, and she can’t expect to hog it all. She said, “In the end, his schedule may mean this isn’t going to work, but it isn’t fair for me to pressure him or make demands of him. The last thing he needs is more stress from me!”
10. Jack and Jessa’s first time included his carrying her to bed, Notebook style. *Swoon* Jessa isn’t the sexting type, but she did text him later to inform him that she was having difficulty concentrating at work all week.