The Bogus Alpha Male
A respected expert on Mating Intelligence has come straight out and told us why Game doesn’t work and is in fact harmful to men.
Psychology and research superstar Scott Barry Kaufman has written The Myth of the Alpha Male for the highly esteemed blog The Art of Manliness. Kaufman is the co-author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed, which I cited in a post about the mating value of male creativity.
Kaufman:
“One really persistent myth, that is literally costing human lives, is the distinction between “alpha” and “beta” males.
As the story typically goes, there are two types of men.
“Alpha” males are those at the top of the social status hierarchy. They have greater access to power, money, and mates, which they gain through physical prowess, intimidation, and domination. Alphas are typically described as the “real men.”
In contrast are the “Beta” males: the weak, submissive, subordinate guys who are low status, and only get access to mates once women decide to settle down and go searching for a “nice guy.”
Kaufman has three primary objections to Red Pill myths:
- They reduce masculinity to one dimension.
- They grossly underestimate male potential.
- They don’t begin to describe what is really attractive to women.
He explains the utter wrongheadedness of Game by pointing out the massive confirmation bias:
As the expression goes, when all you have is a hammer, all you see are nails. When we impose just two categories of male on the world, we unnecessarily mislead young men into acting in certain predefined ways that aren’t actually conducive to attracting and sustaining healthy and enjoyable relationships with women, or finding success in other areas of life.
So it’s really worth examining the link between so-called “alpha” behaviors (such as dominance) and attractiveness, respect, and status.
Women don’t want dominant or submissive men.
Kaufman describes research pinpointing what kinds of dominance women find attractive. In one study, researchers found that women found the dominant male sexier than the submissive male. However, they rated the control group, neither dominant nor submissive, sexiest of all.
It’s probable that hearing about either dominant or nondominant behavior, in isolation of other information about him, made him less sexually attractive. The researchers conclude:
“In short, a simple dominant-nondominant dimension may be of limited value when predicting mate preferences for women.”
In another study, researchers asked women to rate descriptive adjectives of male traits for both “ideal” and “romantic” mating. Here are their preferences for the “ideal” mate:
As the researchers suggest, “Men who dominate others because of leadership qualities and other superior abilities and who therefore are able and willing to provide for their families quite possibly will be preferred to potential partners who lack these attributes.”
I wrote about this here: Women Want Men Who are Dominant With Other Men
Both men and women strongly prefer mates who are kind and trustworthy with them, as well as with friends and family. It turns out, though, that we want our mates to be dominant with others, or outsiders.
Other studies have found the most attractive pairing to be assertiveness and kindness. Women only rate dominance favorably in the context of athletic competition.
I wrote about this here: How Women Really Feel About Male Dominance
“To put this study in a real-world context, the guy in high school that all the girls go for is the guy who can dominate a player from a rival school on the football field on Friday night, but who’s likable and friendly to his own classmates during the week.”
The Vicious Cycle of Game and Failure
From The Myth of the Alpha Male:
“When given the choice, some types of women will still pick the dominant asshole over the upstanding prestigious man. Women with a “fast life” history (meaning they grew up in an insecure and unstable environment with little or no parental support), insecure attachment, and who hold hostile, sexist attitudes about their fellow females typically prefer a short-term mating strategy and engage in frequent, uncommitted sexual activity (Olderbak & Figueredo, 2010; Bohner et al, 2010; Kirkpatrick & Davis 1994).
These sorts of women typically prefer the stereotypical dominant and aggressive “alpha” male to the more pro-social, prestigious male (Hall & Canterberry, 2011).
While it is possible to pick up some types of women by acting “alpha,” because of the kind of women this seduction method attracts, the flings you successfully land can become messier than you bargained for.
It’s for this reason that men who go for the alpha male ideology often fall victim to a selection bias in regards to their perception of women: because the women who are attracted to them are less stable and more promiscuous, they come to believe that all women are “skanky” and “crazy.”
At the same time, when these men try their dominant pick-up techniques on more well-adjusted women, their hostility and narcissism creep the women out, and cause them to turn these guys down.
This rejection makes these would-be “pick-up artists” more hostile to women, and they figure the problem is that they’re still too much of a “nice guy.”
They then try to up their alpha quotient even further, which makes even more women turn away from them. And the cycle continues.”
The Two Routes to Male Social Status
The Dominance Approach, as Characterized by Game
- Paved with intimidation, threats, and coercion.
- Fueled by hubristic pride; associated with arrogance, conceit, anti-social behaviors, unstable relationships.
- Personality traits include low levels of conscientiousness, high levels of disagreeableness, neuroticism, narcissism, and poor mental health outcomes.
- Hubristic pride motivates behaviors such as aggression, hostility, and manipulation.
The Prestige Approach
- Paved with the emotional rush of accomplishment, confidence, and success.
- Fueled by authentic pride; associated with pro-social and achievement-oriented behaviors, agreeableness, conscientiousness, satisfying interpersonal relationships, and positive mental health.
- Critically, authentic pride is associated with genuine self-esteem rather than superiority.
- Personality traits include confidence, agreeableness, hard-working, energetic, kind, empathic, non-dogmatic, and high in genuine self-esteem.
- Authentic pride facilitates behaviors that are associated with attaining prestige.
Dominance is a short-term strategy, while Prestige is a long-term strategy.
I wrote about this here: Inner Game
and here: Are Men Finally Figuring Out What Women Want?
Kaufman believes that men who have difficulty with women will not be any more successful using Game.
“I think a much more effective and healthier route for men having difficulty attracting women is not to attempt to cultivate the traits of the stereotypical, dominant “alpha,” but to cultivate the traits of the prestigious man.
This means developing a skill that brings value to society, and cultivating a stable sense of identity. Such a route will not only make you more attractive to women, but will also create the most satisfying life for yourself in general. In my view, attempting to don the persona of the “alpha” is analogous to building a house of cards. There’s no stable foundation supporting your worth.
…The most attractive male is really a blend of characteristics, including assertiveness, kindness, cultivated skills, and a genuine sense of value in this world. The true alpha is fuller, deeper, and richer.”
Because I’ve written so extensively on this topic, Kaufman’s analysis is not at all surprising, though it is welcome. Men are poorly served by theories promoting dominance and assholery. Even Tucker Max, a natural asshole, admits in an interview with Kaufman that “a lot of girls who are f**ed up and have latent emotional issues see me as someone who will feed into that and basically abuse them.”
It’s all bad, dude.
