There’s a kind of attraction that’s very important in choosing a life partner, and it often gets lost in all the talk about sexual attraction and how to maintain it over time. Attraction to another person based on their character, dreams, choices, and even the way they inspire others generates admiration and respect.
The initial intense period of sexual attraction and limerence doesn’t last forever but the respect and admiration you feel towards your partner should. Those are the feelings that carry you through the days and years. Without them sexual attraction dies and friendship fails. They are prerequisites for any good relationship.
There are a thousand potential sources of respect and admiration for another person. These will vary from person to person – the key is to choose someone that makes you proud to be connected to them. Here are just a few examples:
- Is a loyal and devoted friend to others
- Shows great self-discipline
- Demonstrates leadership
- Is caring and nurturing – would make a great parent
- Committed to a healthy lifestyle
- Has goals and actively works toward them
- Has a wealth of knowledge
- Shows great curiosity or is self-taught; has many interests
- Spends time in service of others
- Sparkles with intelligence
- Keeps promises
- Has a strong work ethic
- Is loving and devoted to family
- Sets appropriate boundaries
- Displays self-respect
- Is patient and understanding
- Is generous
- Knows how to relax and have fun
When you’ve found someone you respect and admire, you feel that you can learn from them. There are ways in which you’d like to be a little bit more like them. You’re proud to introduce them to others. You know your partner is a catch.
Someone with these qualities is more attractive, but good character does not guarantee or replace sexual attraction. Unfortunately, it is common for people to act on attraction towards people who not only lack these admirable qualities, but who have bad character. Narcissists, psychos, thugs, douches and players all have their fans. Of course, they’re playing the short game. If you’re playing for keeps, make sure your hero isn’t a zero.
Do you select dating partners based on character? Good or bad? 😛
What are your key criteria when it comes to character? What are the “must haves” vs. the “nice to haves”? Let’s discuss.
This is the final post in a series. Previous posts include: