Are You Dating a Man or a Man-Child?

November 3, 2016

attraction quoteGood relationships require maturity. That’s why we don’t marry until our hormones have stopped raging and our character, goals, and development are well underway. We want to marry a man, not a man-child.

We generally use age as a way of quickly judging maturity, but it can be a poor predictor. Some eighteen year-olds are men by any standard, though they are unusual. Some forty year-olds are man-children, and unfortunately they are common.

Dating a 30-something guy who has the characteristics of a child or adolescent is probably going to feel more like a junior high crush than a real relationship. (Remember the movie Big?)

The man-child does not view commitment as a long-term choice. For him it may mean deciding whether to have a burger or pizza. Whether to quit his job even though he has nothing else lined up. What to spend his paycheck on – he sees no reason to save.

Fortunately, there are lots of ways to identify the man-child creature by his attitudes and behavior. Which of these describes the men you attract and spend time with? Which of these is the natural catch for the vibe you’re putting out there?

Have you had experience dating a man-child? Let’s discuss!

A MAN:A MAN-CHILD:
GoalsHas a plan; future orientationHas a tan; “right now” orientation
RewardsDelays gratificationChases gratification
ReliabilityIs stable and  consistentIs erratic and changeable
ResponsibilityActively cares for othersFocuses on self
RisksAccepts measured risks in pursuit of goalsTakes crazy risks for the dopamine rush
FinancePrioritizes needsPrioritizes wants
EthicsHas developed moral convictionsKeeps morals flexible
PromisesViews promises as bindingViews promises as a means to an end
Emotional OpennessWorks to make you feel loved and secureWorks to make you feel jealous and insecure
BehaviorInspires respectRequires excuse-making
Mistakes/ApologyIs sorry he hurt your feelingsIs sorry you got mad
SexEnjoys giving you pleasure, which increases his ownFocuses on his own sexual pleasure
SupportRejoices in your success; encourages you when you failIs threatened by your success; feels cheered when you fail
Self-esteemValidates himself via life choices and achievementRequires constant validation from others; unrelated to achievement
Dating PreferenceSeeks a woman who is sane and intelligent with shared valuesSeeks women who are hot, psycho and wild
SatisfactionKnows when he has found qualityAlways wonders if he can do better