We talk a lot about paying attention to potential red flags here. It is important to DQ people who are bound to break your heart and waste your time. But how do you know when you’ve got something really good starting? What signs suggest your new relationship is heading for “I love you?”
In their recent annual Singles survey, Match.com asked people about the “little things that build up to I love you.” Here’s what they found:
- Caring for the other person when they’re sick (87%)
- Attending a family event as a couple (83%)
- Mentioning them to friends (82%)
- Vacationing together (79%)
- Sleeping over for the first time (77%)
- Mentioning them to parents (76%)
- Knowing their coffee order (69%)
- Dropping them off or picking them up at the airport (61%)
- Your first fight (59%)
- Giving them a key to your place (58%)
- Shopping for groceries together (58%)
- Advising them on purchases (53%)
- Giving them a drawer for their clothes (51%)
- Leaving your toothbrush at their place (47%)
- Getting their parents’ phone number (38%)
- Sharing your phone password (29%)
- Adding their parents on social media (25%)
- Sharing your streaming password (23%)
Some of these actions are more momentous than others, but I’m happy to see that taking care of a sick bae is in the #1 spot. It shows real concern for them as a person in a way that could not possibly have anything to do with sexual gratification or any other personal gain. That makes it an act of pure generosity. I can’t think of anything with a bigger bang for the buck if you want to move a relationship forward.
Trips to the airport also make quite a statement, especially if you’re picking someone up because you’ve missed them.
At first I thought the stuff about adding parents to Contacts and social media was weird, but then I realized my daughter’s fiancé did that early on and I was utterly charmed by the gesture. Not only that, he actually texts me sometimes. Like asking where to get matzoh ball soup when she was sick. 🙂
A lot of these behaviors amount to sort-of living together, perhaps leading to moving in together. Personally, I wouldn’t suggest doing that before “I love you” was out there and on the record.
I’m not so sure about “advising them on purchases.” I mean, if you’re asked for advice, sure. Or if you share a checking account, in which case, that should be on the list. I wouldn’t welcome unsolicited advice about how I should spend my own money.
What do you think about these? Which have been true in your experience? Are there some that strike you as wacky? Is this a good checklist for getting to “I love you?”
The is the fourth in a series of posts discussing Match.com’s annual Singles Survey. Previous posts include: