Dating On Tinder: A Case Study

TinderLongtime reader Jenna recently approached me for coaching based on a post I wrote characterizing Tinder as an app that is bringing back traditional dating, at least for some of its users. Jenna, who’s in her mid-20s, wants to meet new people but isn’t interested in traditional online dating.

Among her friends, there’s considerable buzz around Tinder, Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel. Each of these sites pulls data in from your Facebook account and shows any connections within your social circle. As a result, the demographics skew quite young. And it’s less intimidating for women to meet strangers who have friends or acquaintances in common.

Jenna signed up for all three apps but liked the volume of potential choices on Tinder. She found the app really fun and somewhat addictive. Because there’s no rejection, Tinder eliminates approach anxiety for guys and girls don’t feel any obligation to communicate with anyone they’re not interested in. [Read more...]


Are Women More Emotional Than Men?

The difference between us
Is way down on the inside
Its very tricky business
No baby I
No baby I
No baby I dont want to see you hurt
You got them tears
They fall like pearls
Blame it on gravity, yeah
Blame it on being a girl
Blame it on gravity, yeah
Blame it on being a girl

Rhett Miller, Old 97s, No Baby I

Are women more emotional than men? I recently joked about this and ruffled a few feathers among readers. In my mind the question was essentially a no-brainer, but I admit I’ve never studied it. I decided to find out what the research shows about gender differences in emotions. I learned some interesting things and want to share them with you.

A 1998 study at Vanderbilt University found that men and women feel emotions similarly but express them very differently.

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The Millennials Dating Script Gets a Rewrite

traditional datingH/T to MM

Boston College professor Jesse Cronin offers her students an opportunity to earn extra credit in her Perspectives on Western Culture class. The assignment is simple but far from easy: Ask someone out on a date.

Cronin says this all came together for her during a lecture she gave about the campus hookup culture eight years ago. She says she was nervously anticipating controversial questions about sex and intimacy, but instead one student asked, “How would you ask someone on a date?”

As she began to answer, the questioner became more specific: “Like, the actual words.”

The Millennials don’t have a dating script. They’re game to try it, they just need to learn their lines first. I’ve written before about young people wanting to date and have committed relationships. They clearly do. “63 percent of college-age men and 83 percent of college-age women, would prefer a traditional relationship to an uncommitted sexual one, one study found.”

But students lack the script that accompanies social norms. Here’s why:

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Friday Link Roundup: Let’s Celebrate Independence

Here are some links worth reading!

I’ll be away on vacation next week, and will return Tuesday, July 8.

Jessica Hagy celibacy



1. Woman Photoshops Her Headshot To Portray The Standard Of Beauty In 25 Different Countries

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Could Casual Sex Be Right For You?

frat party“This study certainly seems to suggest that casual sex can be a good thing for people who are open to it, desire it, and have positive attitudes towards it.”

Zhana Vrangalova, NYU Professor and Sex Researcher


Fascinating new research reinforces previous findings about the role of sociosexuality in determining the psychological effects of casual sex. In Who Benefits From Casual Sex? The Moderating Role of Sociosexuality, sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova sought to clarify mixed and contradictory findings in previous research about the level of regret, anxiety and depression that college students experience following casual encounters.

This study examined the moderating influence of sociosexuality, a stable personality orientation toward casual sex, on psychological well-being (self-esteem, life satisfaction, depression, and anxiety) following penetrative (oral, vaginal, or anal) casual sex among single undergraduates.

As predicted, sociosexuality moderated the effect of casual sex on well-being on a weekly basis across 12 consecutive weeks, over one semester, and over one academic year.

Sociosexually unrestricted students typically reported higher well-being after having casual sex compared to not having casual sex; there were no such differences among restricted individuals. Few gender differences were found.

What is sociosexuality?

To review from previous posts, sociosexuality is measured in three ways:

  1. Past behavior in terms of number of casual and changing sex partners.
  2. The explicit attitude towards uncommitted sex.
  3. Sexual desire for people with whom no romantic relationship exists.

[Read more...]