How to Use Silence Strategically in Dating

silence in conversationSilence can be powerful, strong and authoritative. It can communicate more than a thousand words. Silence can demonstrate that you are not to be messed with. It can represent resistance, disdain, indifference or even outright rejection. It can prompt others to rethink their position. Silence can give you time to reflect. It can be a simple pause in a conversation that has not concluded. Ultimately, silence is the only way to halt a discussion you do not want to have.

In our culture we tend to demonize silence as a way of being uncooperative. We believe that it is rude to be unresponsive. Some people cannot ignore a ringing phone or knock at the door, even though these attempts to reach them are uninvited. Good manners dictate that we answer emails within 24 hours. We accuse others of screening our calls as if it is our right to connect with someone at the time of our choosing. We don’t acknowledge that a ringing bell, a beep, a knock – are all interruptions. I’ve seen this compulsion to respond taken to ridiculous lengths around texting in particular. [Read more...]


Time to Get Smart About Back to School Shopping

Living in Boston, I often have the opportunity to play surrogate mom to friends’ kids who move here to attend college. I enjoy helping them settle in, having them to dinner, and bringing them chicken soup when they’re sick. I’ve always loved Back to School season, so even though my own children are done with school, I look forward to opportunities to vicariously shop for supplies, furnish dorm rooms and stock the mini fridge with comfort foods. This week I’ve taken Bessie under my wing, happily driving her around and running Back to School errands together.

Although Bessie’s mom had given her an American Express card for living expenses, she wasn’t aware of Amex Offers, a card member benefit that can save her a lot of money as she stocks up for the school year. I showed Bessie how to link her card to Amex Offers on Facebook and Twitter. We also downloaded the Amex app to her phone. Immediately, Bessie found a full roster of Offers based on past spending patterns and her new Boston location. By tapping once on each relevant Offer, she quickly saved on purchases from Bed Bath & Beyond and Whole Foods. That’s it – no coupons or codes. When she makes a purchase at either of those stores with her Amex card, the savings will automatically be applied to her monthly statement.

Nautica comforterIt didn’t take long for us to rack up some nice savings. At Bed Bath and Beyond Bessie chose an adorable Nautica striped comforter in a Nantucket red stripe. We then popped into Whole Foods, where she stocked up on healthy snacks and coconut water for study sessions in the dorm. When we finished our errands, I took Bessie out for lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, where I used an Amex Offer I had on my own phone. Between the two of us, we saved $25 on $175 – a 14% kickback on purchases we would have made anyway. Not bad!

You should know that this is a sponsored post, the first one I’ve ever done! I am frequently asked to write promotional posts, but this is the first time where I have been able to do so as an enthusiastic believer in the product. I have been an Amex Card Member since 1981. I highly recommend the Green card product, as it must be paid in full each month. It’s an excellent way to build a good credit rating without going into debt. The member benefits are excellent, including automatic extension of warranties and 90 days coverage for accidental damage or theft. Amex Offers is an exciting addition to an already attractive package. It’s a no brainer – a smart financial decision. Deals are curated to your preferences and location. You can check for Offers anytime on your phone and add one with the tap of a finger. No other action is required! The savings will show up automatically on your statement. Tons of Offers are available – Card Members have saved over $90 million so far.

What do you like most about Amex Offers? Leave a comment to enter to win a $100 AMEX gift card! Amex will select the winner randomly, so be sure to use a legit email address.


Sweepstakes Rules:
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This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. The notification email will come directly from BlogHer via the sweeps@blogher email address. You will have 72 hours to respond; otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

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Love People, Use Things to Find Happiness

love-in-parisNew York Times contributing writer Arthur C. Brooks penned an essay this past weekend on the futility of our constant pursuit of happiness.

For one thing, the people who score highest on Happiness metrics tend to also score higher on Unhappiness. What’s important is the net deficit or surplus of happiness:

Bad: UnH > H

Good: H > UnH

Brooks cites numerous ways in which we make ourselves less happy even as we pursue a sense of well-being. [Read more...]


The Bogus Alpha Male

A respected expert on Mating Intelligence has come straight out and told us why Game doesn’t work and is in fact harmful to men.

Psychology and research superstar Scott Barry Kaufman has written The Myth of the Alpha Male for the highly esteemed blog The Art of Manliness. Kaufman is the co-author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed, which I cited in a post about the mating value of male creativity.


“One really persistent myth, that is literally costing human lives, is the distinction between “alpha” and “beta” males.

As the story typically goes, there are two types of men.

“Alpha” males are those at the top of the social status hierarchy. They have greater access to power, money, and mates, which they gain through physical prowess, intimidation, and domination. Alphas are typically described as the “real men.”

In contrast are the “Beta” males: the weak, submissive, subordinate guys who are low status, and only get access to mates once women decide to settle down and go searching for a “nice guy.”

Kaufman has three primary objections to Red Pill myths:

[Read more...]


Play the Long Game to Make Yourself More Desirable

If you can’t be hot, be interesting. That’s the upshot of new research that studies how attraction works, and how romantic relationships are formed most frequently. (H/T: Stuart Schneiderman)

In So You’re Not Desirable, from yesterday’s New York Times, UT-Austin researchers Paul Eastwick and Lucy Hunt confront that awkward and uncomfortable question – how can the undesirable among us find a romantic partner? Eastwick is known for his work in the area of how couples get together – the mechanisms that are at work in bringing people into romantic relationships.

In their newly published paper Relational mate value: Consensus and uniqueness in romantic evaluationsEastwick and Hunt observe that classic evolutionary theory posits that individual ‘mate value’ varies according to desirable traits, e.g. attractiveness or status, that are intrinsic. These are things that are evident the first time you meet someone.

[Read more...]