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Love People, Use Things to Find Happiness

love-in-parisNew York Times contributing writer Arthur C. Brooks penned an essay this past weekend on the futility of our constant pursuit of happiness.

For one thing, the people who score highest on Happiness metrics tend to also score higher on Unhappiness. What’s important is the net deficit or surplus of happiness:

Bad: UnH > H

Good: H > UnH

Brooks cites numerous ways in which we make ourselves less happy even as we pursue a sense of well-being. [Read more...]

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The Bogus Alpha Male

A respected expert on Mating Intelligence has come straight out and told us why Game doesn’t work and is in fact harmful to men.

Psychology and research superstar Scott Barry Kaufman has written The Myth of the Alpha Male for the highly esteemed blog The Art of Manliness. Kaufman is the co-author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed, which I cited in a post about the mating value of male creativity.

Kaufman:

“One really persistent myth, that is literally costing human lives, is the distinction between “alpha” and “beta” males.

As the story typically goes, there are two types of men.

“Alpha” males are those at the top of the social status hierarchy. They have greater access to power, money, and mates, which they gain through physical prowess, intimidation, and domination. Alphas are typically described as the “real men.”

In contrast are the “Beta” males: the weak, submissive, subordinate guys who are low status, and only get access to mates once women decide to settle down and go searching for a “nice guy.”

Kaufman has three primary objections to Red Pill myths:

[Read more...]

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Play the Long Game to Make Yourself More Desirable

If you can’t be hot, be interesting. That’s the upshot of new research that studies how attraction works, and how romantic relationships are formed most frequently. (H/T: Stuart Schneiderman)

In So You’re Not Desirable, from yesterday’s New York Times, UT-Austin researchers Paul Eastwick and Lucy Hunt confront that awkward and uncomfortable question – how can the undesirable among us find a romantic partner? Eastwick is known for his work in the area of how couples get together – the mechanisms that are at work in bringing people into romantic relationships.

In their newly published paper Relational mate value: Consensus and uniqueness in romantic evaluationsEastwick and Hunt observe that classic evolutionary theory posits that individual ‘mate value’ varies according to desirable traits, e.g. attractiveness or status, that are intrinsic. These are things that are evident the first time you meet someone.

[Read more...]

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Are Men Turned Off By Self-Confident Women?

small valueDear Susan,

I had a pretty interesting conversation with a guy friend a couple of months ago. He asked about my love life, I said that there wasn’t much going on, and he told me that he thought that my only problem was that I was “too confident and too direct” for most guys.

For some reason it reminded me of something the mother of my oldest friend once said to me: “You have everything going for you but you’re too self-sufficient and men need to know you need them.”

[Read more...]

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How to Feel Attractive When No One is Calling You Hot

I get a lot of email from women who worry about attracting a guy because they’re not conventionally hot. My advice is to aim for your personal best – there are many boys on the boy tree, and a very wide variety of preferences. This video from Alle Connell at xoVain is inspiring! (H/T: Jackie)