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Mismatched Lust Between the Sexes

OKCupid founder Christian Rudder has a new book out: Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). Rudder is the guy responsible for the always fascinating OKTrends blog, which he started in 2009. From Nate Silver’s blog Five Thirty Eight, we learn that Dataclysm is based on Rudder’s OKTrends posts, for which he spent countless hours crunching data in Excel.

Rudder’s first chapter covers the basics of sexual attraction, and highlights how the sexes differ in this regard.

“Women who are, say, 28 find guys who are also 28 about the most attractive, and so forth. Up until about 40, when that’s getting too old.”

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Actually, you can see that before age 29 women prefer men 1-3 years older. After 30, they prefer men younger than themselves. Rudder is careful to point out that this is not about choosing a long-term partner, it’s simply a measurement of who women find hot.

“This is attractiveness votes, so think of this as our proxy for lust.”

Rudder then showed the male version: [Read more...]

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What Does a Person’s Sexual Number Really Tell Us?

numberOne thing that’s changed dramatically during the last generation is the fixation of young people on their sexual “number.” That is, the number of people they’ve had sex with. (Note: We’re talking P in V here.)

I have never been asked the question, nor have I ever asked a man to share his number. Well, that’s not technically true. I asked my college boyfriend (my first) if he lost his virginity with me, and he refused to answer. I took that as a yes.

Though young people today have fewer partners than they did 20 years ago, they’re much more preoccupied with keeping track.

The sexual double standard is stronger than ever, as evidenced by fudged accounting; men tend to exaggerate their numbers and women often minimize theirs. Just how useful is this information? Consider the following examples of half a dozen different 25 year-old guys: [Read more...]

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Five Ways Players Lie to Get Sex

Players lieThere are no nice players, there are only dads and cads. All players are cads.

There are men of good character who attract a lot of women. Let’s call them Handsome Dads. They conduct their relationships openly and honestly. While dating a Handsome Dad comes with its own challenges, e.g., mate poaching attempts!, these men do not exhibit the sociopathic tendencies of the Player.

The Player seeks to prove his worth as a man by acquiring as many sex partners as possible. While the Player is most likely to succeed with habitually promiscuous women, he is most anxious to demonstrate that he is capable of getting “good girls.” In the bad old days when Players frequently commented here at HUS, their sole concern was to dispel any notion that they were getting with “sluts,” despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

However, the Player has a problem. The “good girls” he wants to count among his conquests look for signals of sincere attachment and a willingness to commit. The Player cannot advertise his preference for Hit It & Quit It and still succeed with his desired “target.”

There is only one way the Player can get what he wants. The Player is a liar. [Read more...]

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Who Wants a Manwhore?

images (6)Yesterday I wrote about the twisted, deformed definition of masculinity that depends solely on a man’s level of sexual experience with many partners. The men who subscribe to this view willingly forfeit all control of their identity by asking women to judge their desirability as the sole measure of their worth. They believe that manwhore status is the ultimate chick bait. Are they right?

We know that social proof is powerful reinforcement – but is there any limit to the promiscuity women desire or find acceptable in men? Past research has demonstrated that both women and men have a vested interest in securing a partner with limited sexual experience:

[Read more...]

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Women Want Men Who Are Dominant with Other Men

dominant-maleFor 20 years researchers have been studying which personality traits are most preferred in mating. For both sexes, kindness and trustworthiness have always topped the list, well above dominance. This has presented a puzzle to researchers, who have hypothesized that women should strongly prefer intrasexually dominant men.

In Kind toward whom? Mate preferences for personality traits are target specific, professors Lukaszewski and Roney solve the riddle.

[Read more...]