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Five Ways Players Lie to Get Sex

Players lieThere are no nice players, there are only dads and cads. All players are cads.

There are men of good character who attract a lot of women. Let’s call them Handsome Dads. They conduct their relationships openly and honestly. While dating a Handsome Dad comes with its own challenges, e.g., mate poaching attempts!, these men do not exhibit the sociopathic tendencies of the Player.

The Player seeks to prove his worth as a man by acquiring as many sex partners as possible. While the Player is most likely to succeed with habitually promiscuous women, he is most anxious to demonstrate that he is capable of getting “good girls.” In the bad old days when Players frequently commented here at HUS, their sole concern was to dispel any notion that they were getting with “sluts,” despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

However, the Player has a problem. The “good girls” he wants to count among his conquests look for signals of sincere attachment and a willingness to commit. The Player cannot advertise his preference for Hit It & Quit It and still succeed with his desired “target.”

There is only one way the Player can get what he wants. The Player is a liar. [Read more...]

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Who Wants a Manwhore?

images (6)Yesterday I wrote about the twisted, deformed definition of masculinity that depends solely on a man’s level of sexual experience with many partners. The men who subscribe to this view willingly forfeit all control of their identity by asking women to judge their desirability as the sole measure of their worth. They believe that manwhore status is the ultimate chick bait. Are they right?

We know that social proof is powerful reinforcement – but is there any limit to the promiscuity women desire or find acceptable in men? Past research has demonstrated that both women and men have a vested interest in securing a partner with limited sexual experience:

[Read more...]

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Women Want Men Who Are Dominant with Other Men

dominant-maleFor 20 years researchers have been studying which personality traits are most preferred in mating. For both sexes, kindness and trustworthiness have always topped the list, well above dominance. This has presented a puzzle to researchers, who have hypothesized that women should strongly prefer intrasexually dominant men.

In Kind toward whom? Mate preferences for personality traits are target specific, professors Lukaszewski and Roney solve the riddle.

[Read more...]

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Surprising Insights From the Latest Singles in America Survey

SIA_Blog_Header1I always enjoy reading the results of large surveys about dating and relationships. They’re full of interesting insights about the attitudes and behavior of people who are actively dating. With 5,329 participants, the annual Singles in America Survey conducted by Match.com is an excellent source of current data.

An introduction by Helen Fisher:

Many Americans believe the young are ushering in an era of emotional isolation and sexual chaos. But as a biological anthropologist, I am optimistic about the future of relationships.

Foremost, singles of all ages are leading the way to a far less prejudiced society: some 75% of singles would make a long-term commitment to someone of a different ethnic background. U.S. singles don’t care what color you are; they don’t care about a partner’s religious beliefs, either. Some 70% of singles would commit to someone of a different faith.

And marriage? Most singles of reproductive age want to wed: 79% of men and women in their 20s and 62% of those in their 30s want to tie the knot.

Dr. Fisher describes what people want when they are free to choose:

We are turning inward—forming relationships to fulfill ourselves. For centuries, our forebears chose the “right” spouse, with the “right” kin connections, the “right” ethnic background, and the “right” religious beliefs.  

Not today, as the annual Match.com Singles in America study clearly shows: 

Some 90% of singles say they want a partner “who respects them,” someone they can “trust and confide in,” and someone who “makes them laugh.”

Here’s a mix of both the sensible and surprising findings of the most recent Singles in America survey:

Attraction and First Date

1.  Sparks:

Love at first sight: 43% of men and 32% of women have experienced it.

Fell in love with someone they were not initially attracted to: 40% of men and 53% of women have changed their minds after getting to know someone.

2. Most important criteria for first date success:
  • Grammar
  • Confidence
  • Teeth
3. Conversation faux pas:
  • Exes
  • Politics
  • Religion
4. Follow up the next day:

Women: 35%

Men: 46%

A phone call beats texting by a nose.
5. How they met:

31% online

25% introduced by a friend*

*Friends of friends – this is a key way to meet new people!

Dating Etiquette

1. Biggest texting turnoff

Men:  60% hate it when women text more than once before they reply.

Don’t do it, girls. Text once and wait. Men also hate it when women text during work hours.

Women: 75% hate receiving sexy selfie texts.

76% of men love it. So stop projecting, guys. We don’t want to see your body until we want to see your body. We’ll let you know.

2. Both sexes hate venting of any kind.

Ideal Match

1. Most men are willing to date a women who is more educated and makes more money than they do.

2. Most women are unwilling to date a man less intellectual or shorter than they are.

3. One third of men are willing to commit to a woman 10+ years older than themselves. (No data provided re female preferences re age.)

Sex

1. Every day? No way!

15% of men and 12% of women say yes. Ideal is 2-3 times per week.

2. 89% of singles want monogamous commitment.
3. When to have sex for the first time:

Just under half say it’s OK by 6th date.

Men use idiosyncratic markers, i.e. # of dates.

Women use commitment milestones.

4. How many people have you slept with?

Who lies about their number?

21% of women and 23% of men admit to this.

5. Too much information

Who wants to know about their partner’s number?

Just 44% of men and 52% of women.

What surprises you most? For me, it is the consensus around waiting for sex until the sixth date. More proof that a guy who pressures you for “third date sex” deserves to be kicked to the curb.

Also, more men than women lie about their number, but more women than men want to know their partner’s number!

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Dating and Relationship Trends That May Surprise You

I researched dating and relationship trends at Google Trends this morning, and found some interesting data. Taken together it provides a cohesive narrative that both guys and girls want relationships. Take a look:

1. I want a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Screen Shot 2014-05-14 at 2.57.09 PMThe desire to get into a relationship has increased sharply since 2008 for both sexes, with boys doing more searches on this than girls.

[Read more...]