From Heartiste:

I am so depressed about guys. I am older and it seems you become shit after 30? I am so empty and lost. Today I pretended like I was dead and nothing mattered anymore. I have tried everything and for a long, long time.

From my experiences the only guys that like me are like super young, obese, Mexican, black, super old, and dorks. I often wonder what is my point for being here? Like I said I have tried every avenue. It pains me deeply to look and see couples everywhere and what I call the good-looking people are so happy and laughing. I wonder if this is a curse from God – or punishment for He knows how my heart aches 24-7 and I look back at the years gone by – and cry because I see that girl and how much she wanted to be with someone.

It seems to me that now-a-days – men don’t want to have to do anything. They don’t want the responsibility of a relationship or have to do any of the work. They want sex for free – and nothing more. I learned that the hard way spending days laying out on my kitchen floor sobbing.

I have read the books, articles, magazines and I know I am not ugly in fact very attractive. I am not 21 anymore, super, super thin, size 0, I am not tan and do not act like a teenager. I am low drama. I prefer to go without it.

I wanted this man who was in and out of my life. He would just stop everything with me and disappear. Each time he did that – it was like mourning a death in the family. I wake up and this huge wave of grief and lose would wash over me. I am still mourning him. He was deep into my heart and being. Maybe he planned it that way. I just loved him so much. He did say a lot of hurtful things to me all the time – like how him and I weren’t mean to be – and the woman for him was out there – he just hadn’t found her yet. Then he would talk to me or ask me questions about marriage and telling me he wanted to see me more. Obviously he didn’t.

So I am empty, lost, numb, and with each beat of my heart there is a definite pain that I feel. Everyone is like – oh it will get better – oh you will find someone – just be patient. Well to all those that said that to me – it has been ten years now. Should I expect anything else? And what really kills me is when single guys meet a girl they like – they tell me “oh me and my GIRLFRIEND are busy. How could someone be so lucky as to be called a girlfriend? and so soon?

I have gone out with so many different people, shape and size. No one seemed a good match. The guys that I do like? They don’t show interest because they want this young Asian or 20 year old who is super skinny and sexy. I don’t know what is so wrong with me. I am smart – have a BA – I am single and have never lived with a guy before. I am very pretty and don’t look as old as I am.

I don’t want to go through this life alone or with someone that creates a toxic relationship. I feel like my good days are behind me and that now that I am older – the rules of the game have changed. How is it that you see these not so pretty women with these gorgeous guys?? I’ve been to church, activities, online dating, friends of the family, you name it. I have even STOPPED looking because of that saying “when you aren’t looking you will find someone” well after 4 years – I decided that wasn’t working.

Why me? Why must I be alone in my life and never be loved and treated with respect. All I wanted since I was a little girl was to be a mommy. I played with dolls for hours on end….

I don’t know what else to say I guess. I think that suicide is a viable option. Just have to get up the nerve to do it. That is the hard part. I am old and will NEVER find a handsome man who loves me and thinks I am beautiful.

Never will happen. I know you say well with that attitude you won’t – look – I have heard it all and have tried it all. I have been happy and positive only to find out they like my friend who is younger and prettier and not me.

I don’t have cross-eyes or over-weight. I don’t have scars on my face of a huge abnormality on my face. I don’t smell.

I think – just hold on for one more day – like that song. Ok – I hold on – and guess what – sos. Same ol shit. Ok hold on for the next day. Ok – nothing has changed. Hold on for just one more day – ok – nothing has changed.

Like I said – it has been a decade and i still haven’t met anyone. Guys like I said – don’t want to do the work. They just want the sex and that is it. They don’t want a relationship or emotional baggage to deal with. They don’t care nor want to invest anytime into someone – unless they are Asian, beautiful, super-skinny and young.