Rules of Engagement

Hooking Up Smart’s Comment Policy

Debate at Hooking Up Smart is often lively. We are discussing the sexual marketplace, something that both men and women feel strongly about, and discussions here reflect that passion. It is important that we remain civil at all times. Comments should be safe, sane and relevant. More specific guidelines follow.

Good Comments DO:

  1. Objectively diagnose, interpret, argue, debate or analyze issues as raised by the blogger or another commenter.
  2. Specifically address the blog post to which they are linked.
  3. Share personal anecdotes and viewpoints, though personal experience should not trump objective data.
  4. Offer constructive criticism of the blogger, the posts, comments by other readers, or any objectively debated topic within the Comments.
  5. Provide support and counsel for anyone seeking it.
  6. Share knowledge, including links, when germane to the discussion at hand.
  7. Offer suggestions, new ideas and potential constructive solutions.
  8. Make their point succinctly. Comments that are TL;DR often get passed over even when they contain excellent points. 

Good Comments DO NOT:

  1. Assume anything about a person’s character, behavior, past or future actions.
  2. Predict outcomes for individual commenters based on certain behaviors. 
  3. Include gratuitous bitching, ranting, whining or complaining. 
  4. Repeat one’s point of view ad infinitum. 
  5. Include profanity addressed to another person.
  6. Include sweeping generalizations about any group of people based on sex, religion, race, age, profession, income, or education level.
  7. Hate, gloat or delight in another’s misfortune. 

My role:

  1. I never edit comments, except at the request of the commenter. 
  2. I will delete comments that clearly violate the above ground rules. 
  3. I will not explain individual deletions, but if you find your comments disappearing, feel free to ask for feedback.
  4. The spam filter is temperamental, and I get around it by whitelisting known commenters. In order to be whitelisted, you must provide a valid email address. Feel free to request whitelisting if you find your comments going into moderation for no good reason.
  5. Readers producing several unproductive comments may be placed in moderation. 
  6. Commenters whose purpose is to express rage, threats, or accusation will be banned.
  7. Commenters who insist on going off topic or highjacking threads will be banned.

You are responsible for your words. By posting your comments to the blog you are granting me the right, in perpetuity, to use, quote, alter, and/or display them however I see fit both for commercial and non-commercial distribution. If this concerns you, use a pseudonym.

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1 aprgirl January 20, 2012 at 8:40 am

I was reading the thread on “he’s not calling.” Having read the book “He’s just not the into you,” I find some of the points valid. However, that being said I am curious as to the thoughts of others on my situation. We meet over 3 years ago, he and are both 33, we currently have a sexual relationship and as far as I am aware it is monogamous. We have never talked about whether it should be or not. It is understood that it is not a committed relationship and we are free to date as we see fit. Which I do often. I don’t have sex with other men. We don’t talk about whether we are dating other people ever. As far as how our relationship does work it has been 2 years of on and off sex. We have gone months without seeing one another or talking to one another. He is always the one to get back in touch. And while we were in separate committed relationships we remained friends talking and seeing one another once in a while (never having sex). But since May/June, we have had a steady sexual relationship. We go days, even weeks without talking to one another and I always end up hearing from him. Both of us lead busy lives so we don’t mind that we don’t communicate regularly. Plus we live an hour away from one another now. Things as they are work for both of us and we are always happy to see one another when we do. He is always affectionate with me (even in front of friends). He has used “pet” names on occasion. Recently we had a huge argument about birth control which ultimately lead to me getting an IUD (something I had wanted for sometime). Now we have completely unprotected sex which is fine with me, however, the whole “finishing inside” has me feeling a little weird. I am guessing that it is because I always felt that was something a couple who wanted children did. Children are definitely not in our future something we both agree on. All of my friends who have been around as long as he has say we are in a committed relationship and just deny it because it is easier to live our separate lives. He is a single dad, and I am a full time chemistry major, both are quite demanding. We have gotten to a point where we are completely supportive of the other’s life and never question one another when that life interferes with our ability to see each other. Thoughts?

2 Susan Walsh January 20, 2012 at 8:56 am

@aprgirl

If you go to the forum you can register and post this, then get feedback from a bunch of different people. I’ll try to weigh in too. You’re not likely to get anyone reading here.

3 Morgan Yeary February 8, 2012 at 8:51 am

Looking forward to reading more. Great blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

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