Below is a recent correspondence I’ve had with a new reader. I think it’s a good illustration of what a lot of young women experience when they get to college and attempt to conform to the prevailing hookup culture there.
I want to clarify one thing. You will see from my response to her that I do not advocate chastity or refraining from sex. Neither do I promote hooking up. I am interested in supporting young people who want relationships, who must run the obstacle course that is hookup culture in order to get them. I do not concern myself with those who want casual sex, except to help my readers identify and filter them. In other words, no judgment.
Sometimes the process begins with breaking through the misconceptions and self-defeating strategies that so often lead to heartbreak.
I’m at the end of my freshman year in college and I’ve reached a point in my life where I am highly considering starting a F-Buddy set-up. At first, I was opposed to this and considering I’m still a virgin, I thought I’d wait til I was in some form of a committed relationship. However, after this year of flirting and going on a few dates with guys and just having a lot of time for self introspection, I learned a lot more about myself.
For one: I’m actually more horny than I am lonely. Even though flirting is fun, I don’t have the drive or energy to be emotionally invested in anyone and I get really bored in set-ups where we text everyday and spend time together nearly all the time.