The Brilliant GIRLS Finale

girls-hbo-season-2-finale-lena-dunhamLast night’s GIRLS finale was a tour de force. In terms of character, dialogue, wit and plot, I’d put it right up there in Annie Hall territory. As soon as the episode ended, I went right back and watched it a second time. It was that good.

I’ve had mixed feelings about Season 2 of GIRLS. While Lena Dunham always delivers great dialogue, I’ve been perplexed and disappointed with some of the choices she’s made for the characters this season, especially her own. The compulsive and gratuitous nudity, the ill advised hookups with a junkie and Jessa’s teenage stepbrother were nauseating, especially since she confessed to not feeling any particular desire for either guy. Her two-day fling with a gorgeous guy whose trash cans she’d been invading just didn’t pass the plausibility test. As recently as a couple of weeks ago, I declared that GIRLS had jumped the shark, and hoped that Lena Dunham’s work would become more consistent as she matured. 

Then last week she delivered a great episode, leading us into the grand finale. All is forgiven, and I humbly bow before Lena, the voice of her generation. No one else has come close to capturing the gritty, confusing and neurotic lives of New York Millennials. It’s a brilliant portrait of a society where adolescence lasts until your 30th birthday (or in Ray’s case, 34th).

The show was most profound in its exploration of authenticity. You can pretend to be sane for a little while, or adopt the persona of some cool dude you’re not, or promise a publisher that you’ll write a series of brilliant essays on the sex you’re not having. But in the end, it never works. As I said in a recent comment thread, “Wherever you go, there you are.” We can’t escape ourselves, nor can we hide ourselves from others, not really. 

Hannah and Adam

The show opens with Hannah in full-blown compulsive mode, googling for information about germs and unable to get out of bed. Her book, which she had been given just a month to write, is overdue by several days and her publisher’s threat to sue her to get their advance back fails to inspire more than a single line of text about college friendships. Instead, she eats a bowl of Cool Whip and cuts her own hair in an attempt to look like Carey Mulligan. When that is a disaster, she gets Laird the junkie to come up and “fix it,” and he succeeds in making her look like Martin Luther. It’s all tragically hilarious, and in the middle of this she says to Laird, “I haven’t been eating that much so I don’t know if I look scary thin or anything.” It’s the perfect finishing touch. 

Ironically, Hannah’s breakdown creates the perfect opportunity to reconcile with Adam. Adam, who has been pretending to be a guy who cares about the Mets and enjoys romantic comedies, can’t keep up the charade. His girlfriend Natalia shames him when his dark side bleeds through, and a scene where he wants to talk dirty and she scolds him as a feminist is both poignant and painful. As he is expressing passion, she is instructing him in the ways of Coital Alignment Technique: “Back up, bear down, go slower.” The mismatch of Adam and Natalia was torture to watch. I found myself fondly recalling the sex scene from last season where Hannah went along with Adam’s fantasy of having seduced her as an 11 year-old with a lunchbox. 

When we next see Adam, he’s destroying his wooden sculptures and yelling, “Fuck her!” We don’t know whether he means Hannah or Natalia, but when Hannah reaches out to him via Facetime, he drops everything and runs like the wind across Brooklyn to scoop this Martin Lutheresque-Hannah into his arms. I haven’t seen such a physical demonstration of love for a woman since Superman flew against the rotation of the earth to save Lois Lane. 

Shoshanna and Ray

I confess I didn’t see the breakup coming. As ill-suited as these two are for one another, and despite Shoshanna’s making out with the doorman, I hadn’t realized how disillusioned Shoshanna had become with Ray, or how completely she controlled the relationship. When he  decides to change his life, it’s only to keep her, not from any real motivation within. It’s a patch up that falls flat. Ray’s misanthropy, his “black soul,” which seemed so romantic and mysterious early on, is now a constant burden. 

Shoshanna expresses her frustration with Ray with a hilarious description of his negativity, listing all the things he hates, which include the sound of children playing, colors, pillows, ribbons, people wearing sunglasses even in the daytime, and all his living relatives. It’s a pitch perfect summary of who Ray is, and a reminder of why Lena Dunham has been called the new Woody Allen.

He thinks that finishing his doctorate in Latin Studies is the answer, but his boss at Grumpy’s knows that’s not what Shoshanna wants. “She doesn’t want a Latin scholar! She wants somebody who can support her for the rest of her life so she can keep buying purses shaped like different bread products!” Dunham has an unerring sense of female attraction cues, and she knows what makes Shoshanna tick.

In a nice final touch, we see Shoshanna making out with a tall, thin blonde guy at the bar, despite having assured Ray there was no other man, “Especially not an adult male blonde, you know me better than that!” Ray was a darkly charming parasite in Shoshanna’s life, and she was bound to see his true self eventually. Her tender age and naivete allowed Ray to pretend to be an adult for just a while.

Marnie and Charlie

Charlie successfully pretended indifference to Marnie for a couple of weeks, but he never had a chance. He says he knows he’s an idiot and he doesn’t care. Not even her painful and humiliating solo at his workplace, with her strangely sexless sexually tinged performance, can dampen his ardor. 

In Season 1, when Charlie and Marnie were breaking up, she asked him why he never had doubts are their relationship. He replied, “Because I decided on you! I fucking decided on you!” 

Charlie is true. Marnie says she loves him and “it has nothing to do with the money.” His status has skyrocketed, he took her on his desk in the most manly way, and I’m sure Marnie believes what she is saying. But I don’t have a good feeling about this. In the end, she’ll disrespect him again, just for loving her so much. 

Wherever you go, there you are.


Links to the Zeitgeist

1. Preparing to bid Girls farewell.

Just one more episode left, I’m so bereft. I offer thanks to brilliant illustrator Kyle Hilton for designing four pages of paper dolls suitable for framing!

From Vulture at New York Magazine:

As the first season of Girls nears it conclusion, we the public are forced to imagine a world without a constant source of television controversy and information about “the stuff that gets up around the side of condoms.” What will we argue about now? To tide you over until season two, Vulture’s Kyle Hilton created a series of Girls paper dolls — complete with party dresses, pixellated dick pics, and an accidental crack pipe — to help keep the debate alive at home.

Hit the link for printables for all four of your faves. Now if only Kyle Hilton would do the guys!


2. You Are Not Special

David McCullough, Jr. a high school teacher in Wellesley, MA, recently peppered his commencement address with declarations that none of the graduates is special. His “downer” speech has garnered national attention. An excerpt:

You are not special. You are not exceptional.

Contrary to what your soccer trophy suggests, your glowing seventh grade report card, despite every assurance of a certain corpulent purple dinosaur, that nice Mister Rogers and your batty Aunt Sylvia, no matter how often your maternal caped crusader has swooped in to save you… you’re nothing special.

Yes, you’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble-wrapped. Yes, capable adults with other things to do have held you, kissed you, fed you, wiped your mouth, wiped your bottom, trained you, taught you, tutored you, coached you, listened to you, counseled you, encouraged you, consoled you and encouraged you again. You’ve been nudged, cajoled, wheedled and implored. You’ve been feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie. Yes, you have.

do not get the idea you’re anything special. Because you’re not.

As someone who has often spoken out against the Self-Esteem Movement that took hold in the 90s and insured a Participant trophy for every boy and girl, it’s a shame he couched his speech in these terms – rather harsh for a celebration of real achievement, at least in some cases. Towards the close of his speech, he delivers his message in a more palatable format, but that part has been mostly lost in the media cacaphony:

You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless. In our unspoken but not so subtle Darwinian competition with one another — which springs, I think, from our fear of our own insignificance, a subset of our dread of mortality — we have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement. We have come to see them as the point — and we’re happy to compromise standards, or ignore reality, if we suspect that’s the quickest way, or only way, to have something to put on the mantelpiece, something to pose with, crow about, something with which to leverage ourselves into a better spot on the social totem pole. No longer is it how you play the game, no longer is it even whether you win or lose, or learn or grow, or enjoy yourself doing it… Now it’s “So what does this get me?”

The thing is, I’m sure that Wellesley High School did graduate some extraordinarily high achieving kids, special kids who will probably go on to do some very interesting things. What we really need to do is distinguish and reward those kids whose self-esteem is built on real achievement, while witholding positive reinforcement for just showing up.


3.  You Might Be Hawking Products in Facebook Ads Without Your Knowledge

Last Valentine’s Day, Nick Bergus found a product on Amazon that made him laugh out loud. It was a 55 gallon drum of personal lubricant. He hit the Facebook Like button and quipped: 

 For Valentine’s Day. And every day. For the rest of your life.

Before long, Facebook had turned it into an ad, paid for by Amazon. Nick found his profile shot and “endorsement” appearing all over Facebook, and many of his personal friends and acquaintances noticed as well. Awkward.

Apparently, in the fine print of the terms of service around “Like” – ing something on Facebook, you’re consenting to hawk any product you like if Facebook deems it profitable.

This is yet another way you can compromise your reputation to a potential employer or institution. And it’s yet another reason to hate Facebook.


Should Lena Dunham Share Writing Credit With Her Hamster?

Girls, Episode 8: Weirdos Need Girlfriends Too



So it’s official. Hannah and Adam are in love.

In a way, I’m disappointed that I was right. Adam morphed into a loving boyfriend, seemingly overnight. This is what I was hoping for, yet the result falls strangely flat. Why? Because it’s not credible. Dunham’s hamster got together with the collective female id hamster and brought Girls dangerously close to phony rom com territory. The result does not entirely satisfy. Still, I’m willing to go with the flow, because Dunham’s writing is so funny and sharp. This week, Girls was a guilty pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.

John Cook at Gawker, a Girls hater, is less forgiving:

It bears noting that the angry woodworking actor, heretofore portrayed on the television program Girls as a feral, caustic, perverted narcissist, has been transformed into a male Zooey Deschanel—a Manic Pixie Dream Guy full of lovable quirks and eccentricities crying out to be domesticated and tamed by our heroine.

Yup, it’s that female taming fantasy again. We really can’t get enough of that.

Episode 8 Highlights

I. Adam’s Dirty Talk

One of my favorite moments this week (like most weeks) was Adam talking dirty  - according to Dunham, they let Driver improvise these scenes, instructing him to come up with the weirdest dirty talk he can think of. He hasn’t missed yet.

The show opens on a still shot of at least 5 used Magnums and wrappers in a pile. Hannah and Adam are in her bed watching a film of him as a little kid. She teases him about his big ears, he gets turned on and wants to have sex again. (The fact that she manages to jog after all this friction is one of the less credible plot sequences.)

Marnie is in the next room, still throwing herself a pity party over the boy ex with a vagina, and has to listen to them go at it.

Adam: (moan) Would you have fucked a 4 year old me?

Hannah: (giggles) You were only 2.

Adam: How fat were  you? Be honest.

Hannah: (moan)

Adam: That’s what I thought. You were probably a really late walker. And you were  probably toilet trained really late. 

Hannah: (moan)

Adam: Go go go go go go!

Hannah: (moan) I’m gonna come.

Adam: That was fast.

Hannah: Thank you.

Adam: Thank you.

Now that Adam is showing his caring, nurturing side, I’m worried that Hannah is going to lose interest. As you can see in the above clip, Adam is, er, socially challenged. His idea of a prank is to urinate on his girlfriend, and he is rather moody and self-indulgent about his “art.” He really is a weirdo – Jessa uncannily observes that he seems like the kind of guy who would masturbate in front of anyone. (BTDT!)

So far, Hannah has been a supportive and affectionate girlfriend. But I’m starting to feel like she has all the hand, and I don’t trust her not to abuse the advantage. I hope she sticks it out –  Adam’s heart seems like it is in the right place, and besides, I can’t imagine any relationship providing more fodder for a budding writer.

Obviously, Dunham & Hamster will decide how it plays out. James Franco, a protege of Judd Apatow’s, put it very well:

Hannah can be as big a loser as Lena wants because, in the end, Lena is anything but a loser: she is a writer-director-actor spearheading a show on HBO. No matter how many stupid things Hannah says to strangers, how embarrassing her sex scenes are, how awkward she is with adults, or how little writing she actually does, Lena will always shine through as the admirable creative force behind everything on the television screen. Lena’s character never has to write her book because the series is her book.

II. It’s Been a Rough Year For Guys in Finance

You may recall Chris O’Dowd as the good guy cop in Bridesmaids, the guy who gets the girl after she’s had enough of Jon Hamm’s asshole shtick. In this episode, Dunham sends up the 1 Percenters, casting him as a douchey venture capitalist who’s just moved to a fancy doorman building in Williamsburg. Out by himself in a suit on a Saturday night, he sends Marnie and Jessa a drink at a fancy bar. 

They agree to go back to his place, where he acts like a tool trying to impress them by DJing for a while. When Marnie starts making out with Jessa, who was just about to leave, he tries to get in on the action. Awkwardly, he moves around the pair, tentatively hovering his hand over a breast here, hesitantly opening his mouth like a fish there. Marnie knocks her glass of red wine over onto his $10,000 rug. When he doesn’t find her sufficiently contrite, he throws a painfully funny hissy fit.

Venture Capitalist Guy: You know what? If you’re really sorry you better be planning to make this a very speical night, for all of us. Not just you and fucking Missy Mallou. All of us! And not just me watching you girls go at it for a little bit and me getting a little bit turned on. I want to be balls deep! In…s-s-something! And I don’t even fucking care what it is! 

(whining) No more excluding me, Mary Poppins! It’s not fair! I wanna be part of the group. 

Jessa: Oof. That will neverrrr…happen.

VC Guy: (pathetically whining now) This isn’t right! Is it? This can’t be the way that this goes….

You just know that on Monday he’s going to send Marnie a link to Survey Monkey for feedback on what he did wrong.

Chris Jacelewicz, reviewing Girls at HuffPo, explains the appeal of the show to the average guy.  

While yes, these women live in a very dysfunctional, chaotic world, and most people probably shouldn’t look up to them, it’s far better to identify with girls like these than the insipid flakes that populate shows like Gossip Girl. Your average guy would never want to watch Gossip Girl, but they may just want to tune in to Girls.

Why? As simple as it sounds, it’s real – on multiple levels. I personally know iterations of each girl on this show — especially Hannah, the hilarious, creative, yet socially hopeless woman without a clue about what to do with herself. She’s an everygirl. It’s also refreshing that these people don’t all congregate in some ridiculous apartment (ahem, Friends) that they could never feasibly afford, and we don’t see them rolling in money or lusting after handbags (as seen on the #1 guy repellent, Sex And The City).

…Perhaps the best aspect of Girls is it provides a window for guys to look through, to better understand the thought processes of women in relationships, and to see how their own potential douchebaggery might be interpreted by the women in their lives. Looking at it that way, Girls actually provides society a service, and we should all be thanking Dunham for pointing out that yep, all of us are a little fucked up.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.


Had by a Cad

Spoiler alert: Girls, Episode 5, Hard Being Easy 


As a studious observer of the human heart, trusted keeper of stories and secrets, maker of lessons, experienced practitioner of temptation and seduction, and eager student of maleness in all its forms, I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been utterly duped, deceived, swindled, fooled, hookwinked, bamboozled, deluded and beguiled by a cad. I’m 55, and I’m still making rookie mistakes.

I really thought Adam was starting to feel something for Hannah. I didn’t listen to the guys here. They called it easily: Adam is stringing Hannah along, he doesn’t give a shit.

“But no!” I thought. Actions speak louder than words! Hannah told him she really cares about him, she told him she wanted to stop seeing him because it feels so shitty that he doesn’t care, and he pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Surely not even a guy as self-indulgent as Adam would look at those tear-filled eyes and see one more opportunity to get laid!  I wish.

The day after their most recent hookup, Hannah shares her good news with Jessa:

Hannah: I have a boyfriend.

Jessa: Who?

Hannah: Adam. I told him everything, how he was torturing me, how sad I was, and he responded in such a lovely way…he like kissed me and kissed me and kissed me and he said, “Be who you are” and he touched my face and like we’re basically together now.

Later that same day, Hannah drops by Adam’s apartment unannounced, as usual. (A necessity when your “boyfriend” doesn’t answer your texts or calls, I suppose.) Also as usual, Adam is shirtless, displaying his pale squishy torso, ew. I don’t believe we’ve ever seen this guy in a shirt. Hannah comes up from behind and rubs against him.

Adam: What are you doing? 

Hannah: What does it look like I’m doing?

Adam:  You shouldn’t do that.

Hannah: Why?

Adam: Because we like said we wouldn’t or whatever.

Hannah: We did?

Adam: Uh, yah! You did.

Hannah: When did I say that?

Adam: Yesterday. You told me everything you want out of a relationship and all the ways I was fucking you up. 

Hannah: Yeah, but then you kissed me.

Adam: You looked sad.

Hannah: Then we had sex.

Adam: Because we were kissing.

This is the part where women start screaming, “Dick! Douche! Asshole!” In hindsight, it’s clear that Hannah projected her own sense of empathy onto Adam. Big mistake. She also rationalized all of his previous behavior and chose to focus on what appeared to be a slight shift in the dynamic, a change for the better, a flipping of the player. In other words, Hannah was an idiot. But how could I be such an idiot?

My theory is that there is something hardwired in women. We want to nurture that which cries out for nurturing. We want to believe that when a man stares into our eyes, cups our face in his hands, and says something that sounds profound, he is having the same emotional experience that we are.

My thought process went something like this:

Adam is so disconnected, so heartless, such a dick! Hannah is such an idiot, I can’t stand watching her making a fool of herself all the time. He doesn’t even pretend to like her, why is she settling for that?

Oh look, Hannah is speaking her mind! She is telling Adam what she wants, and she is telling him how she feels. Oh wow, she just told him how much she cares about him, and how it’s causing her to feel so hurt by his indifference. She’s starting to cry. And she’s saying that she knows he won’t change. Adam is about to say, “OK, I get it” and close the door.

But wait! Adam is reaching out to Hannah. He pulls her to him, and he’s telling her that he has strong feelings about what she just said. He urges her (with passion!) to be herself. This time is different, I can feel it! He’s been taking advantage of Hannah because she allowed it, but now that she’s stood up for herself, he sees her in a new light. He respects her, and that’s sexy!

Plus, Adam might be a dick, but he can’t be that much of a dick. He can’t be that guy who sees a girl’s teary confessional as an opportunity to get it in. That would make him more than selfish, more than narcissistic even, that would make Adam a sociopath. And there really aren’t that many sociopaths around, right? Except on blogs?

It used to be that actions speak louder than words, but all bets are off. Actions and words can both be lies, lies, lies. If Lena Dunham is right, and sex is a battleground, you should arm yourself well and trust only one thing: the white flag of surrender. Trust, but verify. Until he calls you his girlfriend, no sex. Witnesses would be ideal. Because apparently even I can’t properly judge a cad anymore. There are just too many of them around.

My other favorite moments from this week’s episode:

Dunham disses the feminist doctrine of Male = Violence

It was subtle – maybe you missed it.

After getting really pissed at Hannah and Marnie re Hannah’s diary entry, Charlie sputters, “You know what? I wouldn’t even want to stay here if I wanted to.” He then upends the coffee table he made Marnie. As gentle Charlie finally shows some anger, Hannah shouts, “That’s the kind of thing you do right before you hit us. Don’t hit us! Don’t hit us!”  With a “Fuck you!” he storms out of the apartment.

Charlie as the male who still prefers relationship sex

Charlie: You’re not in love with me.

Marnie: Are you in love with me?

Charlie: I don’t care!

Marnie: How can you not care?

Charlie: I decided on you, OK? Don’t you get it? I don’t wanna go fucking other girls then walk around feeling thrilled and then sad or empty or whatever. I like the smell of your hair and I like the sound of your voice and I fucking decided on you!

If only Charlie hadn’t followed up by begging Marnie during sex: “Don’t abandon me, don’t abandon me!”


GIRLS Got Game

“When you’re in your twenties, sex is sort of the battleground on which a lot of different stuff gets played out.”

Lena Dunham, Writer and Creator of GIRLS


I am obsessed with the HBO show GIRLS. Obsessed. As in, I’ve seen four episodes, there are only ten total, so now my GIRLS fun is almost half over, and that’s starting to weigh on my mind. I’m already watching each episode at least twice, and plan to keep them on my DVR until Season 2 comes out, probably in another year and a half. I just don’t know how I’m going to last that long.

I love the show for the same reasons lots of other people do – the writing is brilliant, it’s funny and poignant and honest. The actors are actually normal looking, intelligent and talented, a rare thing on American TV. I’m happily surprised by the appeal of the show to a wide audience – my husband likes it, my son and his girlfriend never miss it, and the young women I know think it’s a hilarious and very accurate portrayal of life after college. Hannah in particular is winning. She is so affable and malleable that when her office mate criticizes her “patchy” eyebrows and offers to “fix” them, Hannah not only lets her, she rocks the look for the rest of the day (see above).

HBO describes the show as a comic look at the assorted humiliations and rare triumphs of a group of girls in their early 20s. Washington Times writer Emily Esfahani Smith has characterized it as depicting the sexual wasteland of promiscuity, the Millennials’ hookup culture.

In Hannah’s relationship, we see how the hook-up culture degrades girls. In Marnie’s, we see how it degrades guys.

That’s intentional. Dunham set out to make the anti-Sex and the City, which made casual sex seem fun and empowering.

I felt like I was cruelly duped by much of the television I saw.

As someone who writes very specifically about hookup culture, the show feels like a gift from the gods. It’s brutally honest about female sexuality in particular. In fact, the show is conclusive proof that Game has gone totally mainstream.


I. Arrogance FTW

In a recent episode, Marnie, the beautiful one, meets a pretentious artist named Booth Jonathan at the gallery where she works. (He’s small and twerpy, played by Jorma Taccone of Jizz in My Pants fame.)  Sick to death of her supplicating boyfriend Charlie, she goes for a stroll with him. He’s kind of a jerk, and when she flirts with him he makes it clear he has no use for her girlish games, and walks away. But first he says this:

“I want you to know, the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little, because I’m a man, and I know how to do things.”

Marnie watches him go, then races to a bathroom to masturbate.

Sweet, loving, loyal Charlie can’t compete with this douche. Dunham, who wrote the whole first season alone, says that a guy really delivered that line to her once, confessing afterwards that he’d gotten it from a friend at Vice Magazine. Weak move, DLV’ing his DHV that way. 


II. Suicide by Supplication and Alpha Advice

Meanwhile, Chump Charlie is busy making Marnie a wooden coffee table almost as good as the one she likes from Restoration Hardware, when his friend Ray tells Charlie what he really thinks:

Your girlfriend is my own private nightmare, do you know that? Someone should just fuck her to teach her a lesson. Just fuckin chain her to a post and just fuckin fuck her hard, just whip her, just fuckin whip her until she fuckin…well, whatever.

Unfortunately, Charlie is a deer in the headlights in the face of this “wisdom.” For added insult, Charlie is also writing a pretty lame song about a girl in Keds, inviting unfavorable comparison to last year’s summer hit Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People.


III. Chicks Dig Jerks

This is the classic “chicks dig jerks they can turn into sweetie pies” fantasy. Hannah’s been having sex with Adam for a short while – she has to work hard for it, though, as he never answers her texts. Their couplings are devoid of eroticism. This week she was sort of thrilled to get a text pic of his dick with what looked like a squirrel tail wrapped around it until he sent a follow up text saying, “SRY that wasn’t meant for you.” 

Hannah finally gets up the nerve to go to Adam’s apartment and say what she needs to say, with unexpected results. Adam opens the door.

“What the fuck is up with your eyebrows?”

“I’m not saying. I didn’t come her to talk about that.”

“You look like a Mexican teenager. It rules.”

“I came here to say I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I don’t think we should see each other anymore, and it makes me feel stupid and pathetic when I get a picture of your dick that I know was meant for someone else and you don’t even bother to explain, because I made you think that you don’t have to explain. So.”

“What are you asking?”

“I’m not asking anything. I’m really not asking you for anything. I’ve never asked you for anything. I don’t even want anything, OK? I respect your right to..see, and …to do…whoever you want, and I don’t even want a boyfriend, so.”

“What do you want?”

“I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, and thinks I’m the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me. And it makes me feel very stupid to tell you this because it makes me sound like a girl, who wants to like, go to brunch, and I really don’t want to go to brunch. And I don’t want you to sit on the couch while I shop, or like even meet my friends. I don’t even want that.

But I also don’t want to share a sex partner with a girl who seems to have asked for a picture of your dick because I live very near you, so if you wanted me to look at your dick, I could just come over and look at your dick.

And I really don’t see you hearing me. And I don’t see you changing. So.

I just summed it up for you. And I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner and you must think I”m even stupider than you thought I was already. But consider it a testament to your charms. Because you might not know this, but you’re very, very charming. And I really care about you. And I don’t want to anymore because it feels too shitty to me. So I’m gonna leave.”

At which point Adam grabs Hannah and they share the first moment of real passion they’ve ever had. Because she has finally revealed who she is and what she feels. Reader J pointed out in the comments that the show makes clear later in the episode that Hannah had an orgasm that time. I’d missed that, but it’s definitely a first in the relationship. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

By the way, Lena Dunham said this too was from her life – a breakup email she’d written and now performed on the show.


Shoshanna tries to lose her virginityIV. Players Avoid Virgins

In a ringing validation of everything SayWhaat has been saying here for two years about the plight of virgins today, Shoshanna decides to give it up to a boy she attended Camp Ramah with the first night he comes over to “watch a movie.”

“I’m like totally ready to have sex, I’ve just never had sex before so I thought I’d tell you that.”

Guy stops making out. “What?”


Guy rolls over and away. “Yeah, that’s just really not my thing.”

“What’s not your thing?”


“Oh. OK, but like except for the fact that I haven’t had sex, I’m like totally not even a virgin. I’m like the least virginny virgin ever.”

“Yeah, no offense, OK? I’ll totally have sex with you once you’ve already had sex. I just, you know, it’s like, virgins get attached. Or they bleed. You get attached when you bleed.”

“I so don’t get attached when I bleed! It’s like amazing, I’m totally not an attached bleeder.”

“Yeah, it’s not going to happen.”

So just start like, fuckin watching it already. This show, like, fuckin rocks.