20 Years Later, Men and Women Are Still From Different Planets

One of the most troubling effects of applied feminist theology has been the demonization of sex differences. Naturally, this denial of biological reality didn’t make sex differences disappear, it just made them off limits for discussion. That’s ironic, because some of the most pronounced differences between men and women may be seen in the way they engage in discussion. It’s very clear here at HUS that men and women communicate very differently. 

Recently I reread one of my favorite books about cross-sex communication, and despite the fact that it was written in the early 90s, I haven’t found anything that tops it. Even after four years of blogging about dating and relationships, I find John Gray’s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus enlightening. 

I’m not sure if there ever was a time when the sexes understood one another better, but most of the questions I get from female readers are an attempt to figure out what’s going on in a guy’s mind. 

The best advice about men usually comes from men, but I’m happy to pass it along when it’s really good. John Gray is really good. Some of the insights seem a bit dated for today’s culture – that is, the nature of men and women has not really changed in twenty years, but some of our behaviors have. You may need to adjust here and there, but most of this is gold.

When men feel good about themselves, they are most motivated to please a woman.

The more a man’s life is in order, the more he hungers for a woman to share it with.

When a man does something to make a woman feel special, he becomes more attracted to her.

Men are attracted to women who clearly can be pleased. A man does not want to hear a woman dwell on negative feelings or problems. Women should initially share their most positive, autonomous side.

Not to be needed is a slow death for a man. He needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted.

Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.

But: Too much intimacy, too quickly, can cause women to become needy and men to pull away.

When a man is attracted, he gets excited because he anticipates that he can make her happy and that makes him feel really good; it brings the best of him out. The anticipation of more is very important to keep him interested. If he feels completely satisfied, then there is no distance for him to continue traveling to pursue her. Distance not only makes the heart grow fonder but gives the man the opportunity to pursue. Men always need the opportunity for more.

When women “overgive” it compromises their position, and it prevents the excitement of anticipation and romance from building.

While a man tends to question whether he wants to pursue a relationship, the woman tends to question where the relationship is going.

This may make her insecure and she will begin to pursue him. When a man stops pursuing, a woman’s task is to resist the enormous urge to find out what has happened or to do something about it. In this instance, she should stay open to his future advances, but fill her life up with friends.

The male intimacy cycle is like a rubber band. It involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.

A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully separated, suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.

When a man springs back, he picks up the relationship at whatever degree of intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn’t feel any need for a period of getting reacquainted again.

If a man does not have the opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to be close. If women insist on continuous intimacy then he will almost always be trying to escape and distance himself. He will never get a chance to feel his own passionate longing for love.

When a woman chases a man or punishes him for withdrawing, he feels incapable of fulfilling her and gives up. His fear of her anger or rejection might cause him to give up entirely.

Women need:

  • caring
  • understanding
  • respect
  • devotion
  • validation
  • reassurance

Men need:

  • trust
  • acceptance
  • appreciation
  • admiration
  • approval
  • encouragement

A man’s interest should be active. 

If a man detects that a woman’s mission is to please him, he will also focus on how she can please him. If she wants to pursue him, he will happily sit back and passively receive what she wants to give. This will not make her happy. When he senses that she is unhappy, she becomes less interesting to him and the attraction lessens. A woman who is eager to please a man will find that he is pleased, but not necessarily interested.

Active interest motivates the man to action to achieve a goal, thrives on achievement and comes from a place of desire and confidence.  The more risks he takes, the more invested he becomes.

The way a woman makes him feel good, (and more interested) is by creating opportunities for him to succeed in truly fulfilling her needs. Without her to please, he is a man out of work. He needs a job, needs the opportunity to succeed in a relationship with a woman. This is an enormous boost to his fulfillment in life.

 A female’s interest should be receptive.

Receptive interest is motivated to create opportunities to receive, thrives in response to support, and comes from a place of preference and worthiness. A woman’s receptive interest in a man generates his active interest in her. When she reacts to his advances, he feels more connected to her. Then he is automatically more interested and motivated to get to know her.

A man gets turned on when a woman’s radiance makes him feel more like a man.

 Feminine radiance embodies the three characteristics of femininity:

1. Self-assurance: An air of grace and trust, self-respect. 

2. Receptivity:  The ability to receive what is given and not resent getting less; ability to benefit or find good in every situation.

3. Responsiveness: A man loves a woman with a smile. He loves to feel that he can make a difference, that he can make her happy.

The wisdom of waiting to be sexually intimate is that a man’s desire has a chance to grow into the higher levels of expression. 

His physical desire expands into the emotional desire to please the woman.

Having an exclusive relationship provides the foundation for lasting intimacy. A woman creates intimacy by honestly sharing more of who she is, and a man experiences increased intimacy by successfully supporting and nurturing more of who she is. As she discloses herself more, he can gradually get to know her. If he continues to be supportive as he gets to know her better, then the love he feels in his heart has a chance to grow.

When a woman becomes sexual before she is ready, she has stopped being receptive and becomes accommodating. She compromises her position. When she gives more in the relationship, she begins to expect more from the man, which makes her very unattractive. Female expectations are a turnoff for men.

 

The thing that surprises me most, though it makes a lot of sense, is the value to a man of pursuing and winning a woman. And the value to a woman of giving him the opportunity to do that.

We can either return to a way of relating that respects sex differences, or we can continue to ignore sex roles, asking women to be aggressors and men to be passive recipients.  While I think that it’s important and helpful for women to offer encouragement and show interest to men they find attractive, both sexes will realize the greatest benefit if women do this in response to male initiative.

Women Need Men

Women today don’t understand femininity very well. It’s a dirty secret from the patriarchal past, and it’s been mostly successfully scrubbed from our consciousness by  gender-bending feminists. This loss is mourned by men, who desperately seek feminine women. At the same time, the denial of biological sex differences has affected them as well, as male behavior and nature is routinely shamed in our culture. The end result of this disastrous social experiment is a masculinized female population and a feminized male population. This is not conducive to happy mating.

Recently, reader Sai expressed her bafflement at what femininity is supposed to look like:

When I spent way too long Googling “how do girls act”/”what are girls like” I knew I had a problem.

I don’t want to completely morph into a touchy-feely mother to all living things. I’m honestly still not sure what I’ll gain from this -the visual component is seriously lacking, which is why I saw no point in being that sort of girl -or even where to start. But I am curious, and I often see gals who don’t like how the sexes currently interact being exhorted to act more girly.

Susan Brownmiller, in her 1984 book Femininity, described it as “whimsy, unpredicability, emotional patterns of thinking and behavior, including tearful expressions of sentiment and fear.” She noted that all of these behaviors lie “outside the established route to success.”

Laura Kipnis wrote in Slate that “Femininity is a system that tries to secure advantages for women, primarily by enhancing their sexual attractiveness to men. It also shores up masculinity through displays of feminine helplessness or deference. But femininity depends on a sense of female inadequacy to perpetuate itself.”

This is what the French call “la difference.” What’s important to note is that both sexes are happiest when women are feminine and men are masculine. Previously, I’ve attempted to describe femininity in all its aspects, but today I want to focus on just one part of it – perhaps the most important part. It has nothing to do with appearance, tone of voice, or mannerisms. We need to shift our way of thinking to acknowledge sex differences, and how the sexes, though different, can complement one another perfectly when we’re honest about the different wants and needs of men and women. In my opinion, this complementarity is a key part of successful relationships and, ultimately, marriage. 

Principle #1

Women need men, and men need to be needed.

This is heresy to feminists. In that orthodoxy, the most shameful thing a woman can do is need or become dependent on a man. However, in the ancestral period women could not survive without men. Men provided food, shelter and protection, as well as strategic alliances and genes for offspring. Women were attracted to men who could provide these things, and sought qualities in mates that signaled the ability to accumulate resources and the temperament to share them. 

Today, women don’t really need men to provide food and shelter. In large cities, 20-something women make 120% of what their male peers earn. This trend will continue as women represent 60% of college graduates in this country, even though many of those women will not enter high-paying professions. 

We do still need men to protect us, however. Despite an increased number of females in the police force and military, there’s a reason why Navy SEALS are male, why men do most of the heavy lifting and building of construction projects, and why men perform the most dangerous jobs in our economy. 

Taking it to the personal level, what woman does not love being enveloped by strong male arms in a protective embrace? I rely on my husband to be stoic, strong and efficient in all manner of mini domestic crises. When there’s a hurricane coming, a bat in the house, or strange sounds in the night, he embraces the risk. He mans the grill. He is a rock during the emotional upheavals that occur in all families. He provides for our family.

Not surprisingly, when he acts out his male role in this way, I feel attracted to him. I communicate appreciation, my comfort in depending on him, and express physical affection. Both parties are rewarded, both win. That can’t happen if I refuse to need a man, or refuse to accomodate his need to be needed. 

Principle #2

Women want to nurture, and men want to be nurtured.

This too is heresy to feminists, as it supposes that women live to serve men. In fact, women serve male needs for nurturance in the same way that men serve female needs for provisioning. Men and women are happiest when we gladly give and receive what the other has to offer. 

If men evolved to provide shelter and food, then women evolved to make that shelter and food experience as pleasing and comfortable as possible. (If you don’t want to cook for a man, you’re missing a great opportunity to nurture your partner and your relationship.) Of course, there are many other ways to do this as well. Caring about a man’s feelings, demonstrating loyalty, and expressing love and desire are all excellent ways to nurture a man. 

Female nurturance does not preclude male nurturance, nor does needing a man mean he won’t need you back. Just the opposite is true. When we need and nurture our partners, we become stronger, and we invite them to need and nurture us back.

Long live sex differences.

Needing and nurturing, embraced by women, and freely welcomed by men. That’s one thing we can all do right now to improve our dysfunctional SMP.

Changing Female Attraction Cues

To those who would like to argue that sex differences are exaggerated or of minor importance in human behavior, I have two words:

  1. Estrogen
  2. Testosterone
These two hormones control much of human behavior and separate the sexes dramatically. In fact, people can change genders, at least partially, by taking large amounts of the hormone prevalent in the opposite sex. Of course, women have some testosterone, and men have a small amount of estrogen. While there are standards for normal levels in both sexes, there are an infinite number of variations, and hormone levels can change over time. However, the hormones play a huge role in physical development during puberty, marking males and females in ways that are not malleable.

 

All women know that female attraction triggers span a wide spectrum. For every woman that loves a ripped, hairy chest, there’s one who likes a pale, slim, hairless torso. Some of us are drawn to laid back guys who don’t fret about their feelings much, others are drawn to brooding loners or sensitive ponytail men. We’re less reliant on visual criteria than men are, but many women do have preferences when it comes to guys’ looks.

There are three fascinating studies that have looked at what women prefer in male facial features. The esteemed Face Research Lab in Aberdeen, Scotland uses technology to generate face pairs with more and less masculine facial features for these studies.

I.  Facial correlates of sociosexuality    

 

A couple of years ago I wrote the post Player or Boyfriend? It’s Written On His Forehead, about a 2008 study where 700 subjects correctly judged (72% of the time) whether faces in photographs belonged to people who preferred casual sex or relationships, based on their sociosexuality score. The differences in the faces were explained by hormones, and as you might expect, higher testosterone males were more interested in casual sex than other males. What surprised researchers was that women showed a marked, significant preference for the lower testosterone, relationship-oriented men, for both short-term and long-term mating. (Note: only heterosexual male faces were included.) This happened at the intuitive level, and the researchers believe it may be a mechanism whereby women may avoid men seeking short-term sex.

II. Partner characteristics associated with masculinity, health and maturity in male faces 

 

Lynda Boothroyd, who led the study above, also conducted an earlier study looking at the degree to which women select men for masculine facial features. The summarized results:

The more attractive, or “healthy” a face, , the more it was perceived as displaying desirable characteristics. More masculine and older faces were perceived as having more ‘alpha’ traits and less likely to be a faithful and committed partner.  

As predicted, across both studies male facial masculinity was associated with higher levels of perceived dominance, but lower perceptions of commitment and fidelity within a long term relationship. This supports previous research into masculine vs. feminine faces. It is concordant with Perusse (1993) behavioral data showing that high status men are less likely to settle into a long term relationship and tend to have more sexual partners, and Mazur and Michalek (1998) data showing a link between testosterone in males and marital problems. 

Boothroyd said:

What I’ve shown is that when people look at masculine faces they see them as being associated with dominance – which is a good thing in evolution but less good as a long-term partner.

The study showed these masculine types with larger noses, smaller eyes and thicker eyebrows were viewed as less faithful and worse parents. Instead it was the “feminine” faces with wide eyes, finer features and thinner, curved eyebrows that were chosen as the best potential long-term mates. This helps to counter claims that masculinity is best viewed as an indicator of genetic fitness and immunity to disease. Here what I’m showing is that healthiness is really positive and masculinity isn’t.

III. The health of a nation predicts their mate preferences

 

Science journalist Jena Pincott penned Why Women Don’t Want Macho Men for the Wall St. Journal. The study included 4,800 females in their early to mid 20s, from 30 countries. (Note: the researchers used only white subjects to control the study.)

After crunching the data—including the women’s facial preferences, their country of origin and that country’s national health index—the Face Lab researchers proved something remarkable. They could predict how masculine a woman likes her men based on her nation’s World Health Organization statistics for mortality rates, life expectancy and the impact of communicable disease. In countries where poor health is particularly a threat to survival, women leaned toward “manlier” men. That is, they preferred their males to have shorter, broader faces and stronger eyebrows, cheekbones and jaw lines.

From an evolutionary perspective, masculinity is basically man’s way of advertising good genes, dominance and likelihood to father healthier kids. When disease is a real threat, as it had been—and arguably still is—heritable health is invaluable. Masculinity, however, can come at a high price. Women often think of high-testosterone types as uncooperative, unsympathetic, philandering, aggressive and disinterested in parenting. In fact, there is evidence that they really do have more relationship problems than other men.

In a study of 2,100 Air Force veterans, men with testosterone levels one standard deviation above the mean were 43% more likely to get divorced than men with normal levels, 31% more likely to leave home because of marital problems, 38% more likely to cheat on their wives, and 13% more likely to admit that they hit or hurled things at them.

In this light, manifest masculinity doesn’t sound like such a good deal. At least not in a significant relationship. A woman might be attracted subconsciously to a high-testosterone man because he’ll give her kids an edge health-wise. But if health comes at the expense of fidelity and good parenting, how much does masculinity really matter?

The apparent answer is not so much—if you’re a woman living in a country with a decent health-care system and few harmful pathogens.

Women with the weakest masculinity preferences came from the countries with the best health care, including Belgium, Sweden, Finland, Denmark and Austria. Those with the strongest preferences for macho men came from the unhealthiest countries, including Mexico, Brazil, Bulgaria and Argentina.

The U.S. came in fifth in the masculinity ranking, and 20th in the health care ranking. It would be interesting to see the American results broken out by socioeconomic status, as we know there are profound differences among sub-populations in the U.S. with respect to marriage and divorce.

Pincott posits that female preferences in the U.S. have other reasons to shift. The promise of potentially improved health care may alter attraction triggers. Also, women’s increasing financial freedom means they are freer to prefer men who are caring, cooperative and communicative. Finally, as women control more resources, they prefer better looking men. Based on this study, that’s more likely to be a pretty boy than a macho dude.

It seems reasonable to wonder if before long American women will have redefined “the perfect male” – not the cad, but the dad. In the meantime, choosing the right long-term partner is a matter of extreme importance. Now you know what he looks like, more or less.

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Do Pretty Girls Have it Harder?



If you want to be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

So from my personal point of view

Get an ugly girl to marry you

Jimmy Soul, 1970


bblove

Do beautiful women have a harder time finding real love? I bet Jennifer Aniston thinks so. The woman in this photo writes the great blog Live.to.the.point.of.tears, and is the author of Words to Date By, which I posted a few months ago here at HUS. It’s clear that like everyone else, she’s had her share of disappointments and douchebags, though I have a hard time imagining that she doesn’t get and keep whoever the hell she wants.

Conventional wisdom and research provide lots of evidence that good-looking people enjoy many advantages in life. They make friends more easily, get more promotions at work, and presumably have no trouble attracting members of the opposite sex. They are perceived to have a very high mating value.

So why do I know so many beautiful unhappy and lonely women? I know what you’re thinking: Cry Me a River.

To the rest of us, beautiful people are coasting on their looks, getting all sorts of stuff they didn’t have to work for. When I was in middle school, my family moved from New York to LA. In New York, I’d been feisty and outspoken, confident in my smarts and my Irish looks. When I got to LA I realized right away that things were not going to go so well for me there. Where I was short and curvy, with dark hair, the ideal California girl was…well, you know exactly who she was. She was the woman in this photo.

In the end, guys didn’t like me much in high school, but the girls did. I wound up as court jester to the most beautiful, perfect blondes on campus. I was granted a full array of priveleges, such as going over to help them get ready for formal dances, or coordinating the publicity for their various elections. They effortlessly reeled in all the hottest guys and made them boyfriends.

What’s changed? Well, for one thing, in that era guys derived social status from being able to attract and keep a hot girlfriend. They were pretty much the only guys getting regular sex. Today, that’s been turned upside down. In his 2008 book Guyland, Michael Kimmel makes some interesting observations about the way men aged 18-26 view relationships today:

  • “Because Guyland is so homosocial, it requires the relentless assertion of heterosexuality.”
  • “The guys who appear the most disinterested are the ones who end up being the coolest, and that the girls find most attractive. When women decline sexual advances, they threaten masculinity.  That’s why guys like porn so much:  the women are compliant.”
  • “Sex in Guyland is guys’ sex.  Women are welcome to act upon their sexual desires, but guys run the scene.  Many young women are biding their time, waiting for the guys to grow up and start acting like men.”
  • “If sex were the goal, a guy would have a much better chance of having more (and better) sex if he had a steady girlfriend.  Instead, guys hook up to prove something to other guys.  The actual experience of sex pales in comparison to the experience of talking about sex.”


For guys, scoring sex becomes the most important goal on any given evening. Therefore, it is important to maximize your chances for success by avoiding girls where the risk of rejection is high. Hooking up with a girl deemed unattractive by your buddies is explained away by your drunkenness, and is vastly preferable to “not getting any.” This leads most guys to pursue whatever woman they feel is most likely to accept their advances.

Beautiful women, expecting to have a high mating value, find themselves targeted by only the most sexually aggressive men. These tend to be men who are extremely good-looking and have a strong track record of hooking up with whomever they want. It is they who have the highest mating value, sexually speaking. If they were interested in a relationship, they would likely target girls of similar attractiveness, but few of them are. Often, very good-looking girls discover that they are only the newest challenge, the most difficult sexual conquest, for a popular guy. As long as guys derive status from “banging bitches” instead of having girlfriends, none of this is likely to change.

This short film, Not Pretty, Really was shown at Sundance in 2006. It’s less than three minutes, so hang in there – I especially want you to watch the woman who comes on at 1:50. It’s powerful and moving.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd4Gpi9ksXw


Last semester, a very good-looking young woman got the following text on her phone late at night from a frat star she barely knew:

ur so hot i wanna cum on your tits 2nite

When she told me about it, she sounded very much like the woman in this film. She said, “Guys say disgusting things to me when they’re drunk. I wish I could meet someone who wanted to get to know me, someone who would get me.”

What happens as men age and presumably become more interested in having a real relationship?

In researching this question, I discovered that the question of why beautiful women are often perpetually unattached is a very popular one on dating and relationship forum sites, which cater to singles in their 20s and older.

A representative sample of male responses:

“I find pretty women intimidating. I would rather approach a less-attractive woman who might accept my advances.”

“Most men are intimidated by good looks. They think that because she looks good, she must be high maintenance, hard to get, already dating, and snobby. The few men that do approach her are all players who like to play head games just to get into her panties and claim her as a trophy. Some men that date beautiful women know this. They know that in most cases, beautiful women are single, fed up of head games and craving for a real man to approach them and desire them for who they are and not solely for their bodies.”

“Guys don’t want other guys drooling over their girlfriend.”

“Men do not like to approach women that they believe everyone wants.”

“Yes, guys do find it harder to talk to extremely attractive girls. Not intimidation necessarily, but a conviction that they’re just not in her league. Girls need to make themselves approachable. They need to try to initiate things, make eye contact with guys that they like. They should smile and be cute.”

“This girl must have already heard all possible pick-up lines and would not welcome an approach.”

“As far as looks go, “cute” is accessible, “pretty” is inaccessible, and “beautiful”, unattainable. A client of mine used to be a fashion model in New York. She’s smart and she has been around long enough to know it’s her looks that guys are interested in, and she won’t put up with it.”

“Remember in school when the quarterback got the prettiest girl? Believe me, guys remember, and not many of us were the quarterback. Men also have problems with self confidence and when presented with a choice between a cute girl that we have a chance with and a pretty girl that seems like a long shot, we are going to play it safe and go with cute. And relationships also have economics- the more attractive the women is the more resources a guy needs to get the girl- a fancy car, nice house, good job, or at least that how it works in a guys head. You can tell me how true that may be, but even if it’s not, the perception may well be more important then the truth.”


What’s a gorgeous girl to do?

  • Bide your time, your day will come.
  • Do not allow yourself to be objectified and used as an opportunity for some player to boast about having nailed you.
  • Focus on friendships first. A guy who cares for you as a friend is less likely to use you, and more likely to develop real feelings.
  • Be approachable, so that nice guys consider taking a chance. When you like a guy, find ways to let him know that he has a shot.


And the rest of us?

  • Hey, their loss is our gain. Most relationships today develop from hookups, and if you’re more likely to get the hookup, you have a better shot at the relationship.
  • Don’t kid yourself, though. You’re just as likely to be objectified and discussed with his peers the next day. If you want a relationship, be smart about who you have sex with.
  • Ditto the rest of the advice: Focus on friendships first. A guy who cares for you as a friend is less likely to use you, and more likely to develop real feelings.
  • Be approachable and friendly. And be yourself, because you are beautiful!

The truth is, we all want to be known, men and women alike. We seek short-term validation, but what we really crave is for someone to really see us, and to love what they see. We may get there at different times, we may get kicked to the curb a few times in the process. All of us, the beautiful and the less so, have an equal shot at happiness and real love with the right person.

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Player or Boyfriend? It’s Written On His Forehead

Wouldn’t it be great if you could take one look at someone’s face and know if they were relationship material? It turns out that people are remarkably accurate at predicting just that. A study at Durham University in England showed that Boyfriends look significantly different than Players. Check out this example:

080409-boys-expression-2p.hmedium

At first I thought these were pics of the same guy, with the one on the right having been altered in some way. Actually, they are both composites of 17 different people. Lefty is made up of guys who are only interested in a long-term relationship. Righty includes men who are looking for a one-night stand.

The study asked 700 heterosexual college students to separate the Keepers from the Throwbacks, and found that they got it right 72% of the time. The implications of this are dramatic:

The face a man is born with reflects his level of interest in commitment. Why? Testosterone.

Men with higher testosterone are more interested in no-strings sex. And they have markedly different facial characteristics, including:

  • larger foreheads
  • pronounced brow ridges
  • smaller eyes
  • larger noses
  • squarer jaws

These are the traits often associated with masculinity. A featured specimen:

Clive Owen

Clive Owen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Men with softer features are more likely to be interested in relating emotionally:

Matthew Fox

No woman in her right mind would turn down either one of these guys for a Hit and Run, but I would definitely choose Jack/Matthew Fox to be the father of my babies!

Here are the female composites:

080409-Girls-expression-2p.standard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this case, the men overwhelmingly preferred the photo on the right, who they correctly surmised was more interested in a fling. Apparently, large, wide eyes, large lips and small jaws correlate to interest in short-term sex. They also correlate to modern cultural standards of beauty. It may be simply that for women, the more attractive you are, the more sexual opportunities you have.

Some other interesting findings:

  • Men nearly always picked the Party Girl, regardless of what kind of relationship they were seeking.
  • Women are much more interested in the male who appears to be seeking a long-term relationship.
  • Women found promiscuous looking guys unattractive for both long and short-term relationships.
  • Women are quite good at predicting which female composite is looking for NSA sex.
  • Men showed little ability to differentiate between the preferences of the two male composites.
  • The study confirmed previous findings that women are more likely to consider masculine men cheaters or bad parents.
  • High estrogen loves high testosterone. Just before ovulation, women have higher estrogen. During this time, they might feel more attracted to high-testosterone men.

What does this mean for you?

1. You can, and should judge a book by its cover.

2. Female intuition is real and powerful.

3. Steer clear of jocks, frat stars and other meatheads if you’re looking for love. Theoretically, they may be good at passing strong survival genes on to your potential offspring, but are less likely to stick around and help raise them.

4. It’s more proof that geeks make good husbands.

5. Emo/sensitive guys are better relationship risks.