How to Blow His Mind in Bed

August 10, 2009


Yeah, I know this sounds like a tawdry Cosmo article with stupid sex tips, but I figured it would grab your attention. I found it straightforward and informative, always a plus when it comes to sex talk. Sandra Prior is a Brit – I don’t know what it is about the UK these days, but they’re sexy as hell over there.

I’m off at the beach this week, but I’ll be checking in occasionally, and I’ll try to post a couple more times. xoxo

What Men Want in Bed

by: Sandra Prior 

What exactly do men want in bed, what do women not do enough of, and what do women think feels good for guys that guys don’t particularly enjoy?

Here are the short answers: blow jobs, blow jobs and cuddling. Next story, please….

Before you think I’m kidding about, let me assure you that virtually every man I spoke to not only agreed with this answer but usually pre-empted it (almost word for word on occasion).

Everyone mentioned oral sex at some point, while ‘cuddling’ and ‘post-coital banter’ also frequently came up. In time, other points also arose and once I’d filtered out the sheer unfeasible male fantasies – daily threesomes and so on – some common themes began to emerge.

I. Getting Started

First things first. Men love sex – we all know this – but men want you to love having sex too. After all, if men do have one insecurity it’s a concern about their sexual prowess and whether or not they satisfy you, so make sure your man knows that he blows your mind. You don’t need to reassure him every day, but throw it in there occasionally, as he’s going down on you, in a text message out of the blue, after you’ve just shagged each other’s brains out.

And show him. Traditionally men initiate sex. It’s an extension of their hunter role and they’re cool with that most of the time but nothing makes a guy happier than your unexpected hand down his pants or a soft word in his ear as you tell him how much you’ve been aching for him all day. Whether it’s initiating sex days in advance (‘I’m dying for a dirty weekend away’) or before you get up in the morning (he won’t mind if you wake him, really), he’ll be a happier guy for it.

A word of warning: avoid promising sex and then not following through. Your man may be forgetful at times but when it comes to scheduled booty appointments he’s got the memory of an elephant. A randy elephant.

II. First Impressions

Lingerie is good. You may not always think so when your expensive bra ends up in a corner 10 seconds after he’s got your top off, but it is. So splash out. If you’re worried about getting your money’s worth make sure he knows what you’ve got on beforehand – and tell him at a particularly inappropriate moment. Or, better yet, give him a glimpse. If you’re not sure what he likes, ask. Some guys like skimpy G-strings and nothing else; others want the whole shebang. Shopping for lingerie is also a turn-on.

When he gets you home and into the bedroom, check your body-conscious issues at the door. One of the reasons your man is going out with you is that he thinks you’re hot. He wants to have sex with you. Stressing about your imaginary fat roll or a teeny bit of cellulite is not particularly attractive – and, besides, he’s focusing on your good points, not your bad points.

When those lacy panties do finally come off it’s time to follow the Americans’ lead … Bush is out and it’s unanimous: guys prefer well-groomed pussies. The ‘bald eagle’ is a common request, though it’s not always necessary. The basic smooth-down-below/trimmed-on-top will exponentially increase your chances of your man going down on you.

A rather obvious-sounding note that seems necessary to add, given the stories out there: when it comes to ‘feminine hygiene’, do not shirk.

III. Getting Down

Toys, oils, mutual masturbation, masturbating while he watches, dirty talk of varying levels…. Obviously it’s different strokes for different strokes (as it were) but these are all common foreplay (and sex) requests. Interestingly, there were no complaints about spending too much time on foreplay. Guys are like women in this respect: they like to mix up longer and shorter sex sessions with the odd quickie here and there – just as long as you remember that guys are penis focused, which is to say that your man can handle an hour of foreplay just fine as long as you acknowledge his penis at regular intervals.

Touching, stroking, caressing, licking – the options to spice up your massage or tickle or striptease are numerous. Even let him enter you briefly before carrying on with what you were doing. As long as you keep returning to his penis you can tease him all night – and he’ll be sure to return the favor.

IV. Blowing His Mind

The foreplay rule applies on a smaller scale when you’re going down on him: by all means prolong a blow job by paying attention to his stomach, thighs, balls and the base of his shaft – you’ll drive him up the wall – but break it up with increasingly drawn-out visits to the head of his penis, where his pleasure receptors are focused.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves here, however. The thing to remember when it comes to blow jobs is – as we established earlier – more, more, more. It’s a cliche because it’s true: guys can’t get enough oral sex. Exact technique is something you can work out with your man. All you need to remember for the time being is to avoid using your teeth – even as a joke (it’s just not funny, I’m afraid) – and then do it as often as possible. Wake him up with a blow job, put him to sleep with a blow job. On the couch, in the car, unexpected, pre-planned, 69er…. You get maximum points every time.

V. The Home Run

If you’ve had any combination of the above advice going by the time you get to the actual sex, you’re going to end up with a very satisfied man no matter what you do at this point. But, for a 100% effort, you can always go the extra mile.

Try out different positions. Get out of the bedroom. Scream when it’s really good – or at least gasp loudly. Tell him you want to break a record (most times in a night, most times in an hour…). Try anal sex if you dare – although, again, they understand the reluctance, and they don’t want you fiddling with their out-holes, thanks very much. Find out what your man’s favorite position is – probably doggy – and initiate it more often.

And, finally, a couple of don’ts. Don’t get too scratchy on him; nails in the back are just annoying. And don’t fake your orgasm; just tell him you want to feel him come. He’ll get that it’s time to finish … which means it’s time for the dreaded cuddling….

Look, we don’t mind it that much but there’s something wonderfully somnolent about the male orgasm. It truly is the best sleeping pill invented. So just let him fall asleep, then you can cuddle right up to him all night.

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What do you think, ladies? Anything you’d like to add? Guys, did she get it right?