Channeling Sex and the City is Not a Winning Dating Strategy

August 31, 2011

Reader VJ posted a comment today, a field report of a group of women he observed while out with his wife. VJ is an old married like me, but a keen observer of human nature and the changing nature of the SMP. VJ has a way with words that is unique and very humorous.

Here’s his peek into the real-life over the top narcissism of a small group of 20-something women:


“I saw this while out at a trendy Atlanta restaurant with the wife this past Sat. It was a small clique of gals in their 20′s dressed to the 9′s at Prime Time on Sat night, sitting at the next table. On a Date. With each other! Amazing to witness. And they could not stop taking photo’s of themselves smiling and camping/vamping for their camera phones and then posting about their fantastic night out onto their FB pages. Like every 5 minutes or so. Replete with their ‘reaction shots’ of their faces to various things said via their FB pages. All damn night. The wife’s comment was ‘if they’re actually after some guys, that’s a strange way of going about it’. Sure.

But this is what ‘dating’ has become. Dates with your pals, where you tell the world how much FUN! you’re having, & how much fun you ARE! Constantly via Twitter or FB etc. It’s all about Just wonderful you. The narcissistic development & ideology here was enough to start several ‘reality’ shows. All of them looked decent enough, even if squeezed uncomfortably into party dresses that clearly no longer fit well their more expansive frames. No matter, they were quite convinced of their own Fabulous-ness.

How clueless the entire set was became obvious as they tried desperately to vector in another friend who was literally a Block away up the street, but nevertheless took a whole half an hour to painfully direct to the premises with more than half a dozen hilariously silly phone calls. Google maps proved useless, evidently it does not cover parking lots. Saying ‘it’s just up the damn street you git’ also never occurred to any of them. Nothing seemed to work. Not landmarks, not the direct address. And you literally could have thrown a stone from here to where the clueless sister was. But she eventually showed up. Even larger than the original set, and much less stylishly so, as it’s difficult to do that size in any dress, really.

The entire talk of the table was about parties they’ve attended, were going to attend or trying to get into. And how they could scam their way into more ‘hipper’ ones. With a side order of the denigration of marriage in general, and of the marriage of an acquaintance in particular. It was amazing to witness it all, and be brought back over the years to the angst of what yes, bubble headed bleached blonds consider ‘conversation’ or even a ‘fun night out’. Frightening actually. Not much has changed. So my take away from all of this? Should it matter to anyone or even the gals mentioned here, (who were oblivious and likely would care not)?

1.) If you seek or desire a LTR with someone of the opposite sex? Go to places where you might encounter them, and actually have a conversation with one. That might be a good start.

2.) Don’t get too lost in self to where you can no longer realistically relate to others ‘outside’ your own small clique or world. This is the 21st century. You’re not likely to meet, marry or mate exclusively with someone inside your own small ‘circle of friends’/cliques. Believe it or not.

3.) The above may not seem to matter much to many 20 somethings, until it does. At 30 something? It’s much harder to find a ‘decent prospect’ than at 20 something. Ditto for 40 something. You too can be oh so fabulous and accomplished and still be considered pretty& beautiful. But it’s still going to be work, and much more work at later ages. But for now, ‘no eternal reward will forgive you now for wasting the dawn’, or the pretty on drunken escapades. Even the perfectly chaste ‘fun’ ones with just your gal pals every Sat. night. Ditto for the guys. It’s just not very attractive for anyone out of college long.

4.) The explosion of the narcissistic self involvement of our younger generations may well spell disaster for any future considerations of family. Families require sacrifice for the young & very old. That’s impossible to contemplate for many due to their overweening concerns for self above all.

So ask not ‘why don’t I have a BF.’ It’s that you really don’t evince any concern or attitude towards wanting or desiring one. No, not really. Your ‘adult’ desires remain forever undeveloped, whether or not you actually desire children. You can no more claim to actually have a care or concern for others if you’re constantly so self involved as to pay more attention to your phone than to your fellow guests & friends you’re dining with. For whom you dressed for too!

Cheers, VJ”