Five Ways Players Lie to Get Sex

July 16, 2014

Players lieThere are no nice players, there are only dads and cads. All players are cads.

There are men of good character who attract a lot of women. Let’s call them Handsome Dads. They conduct their relationships openly and honestly. While dating a Handsome Dad comes with its own challenges, e.g., mate poaching attempts!, these men do not exhibit the sociopathic tendencies of the Player.

The Player seeks to prove his worth as a man by acquiring as many sex partners as possible. While the Player is most likely to succeed with habitually promiscuous women, he is most anxious to demonstrate that he is capable of getting “good girls.” In the bad old days when Players frequently commented here at HUS, their sole concern was to dispel any notion that they were getting with “sluts,” despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

However, the Player has a problem. The “good girls” he wants to count among his conquests look for signals of sincere attachment and a willingness to commit. The Player cannot advertise his preference for Hit It & Quit It and still succeed with his desired “target.”

There is only one way the Player can get what he wants. The Player is a liar.

The Player

Player (def.):

A male who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex.

To be played (def.):

  1. Made a fool of, chumped, taken advantage of.
  2. To be tricked, especially into doing something you would not normally do.
  3. To be manipulated into a relationship where there is no real love, i.e., a man pretending to like a woman when he only wants sex.

The bulk of requests for advice I receive are from women who can’t tell if they’re getting played, or from women who have sadly realized they were played and are trying to make sense of where they went wrong.

It can be tricky, because the most practiced Players have evolved ways of behaving that are designed to make the woman believe she is being courted by a Handsome Dad.

Among the thousands of stories I’ve heard, the same deceptive tactics and lines are reported again and again. It’s as if these guys attend some sort of Player Orientation before they unleash themselves onto the female population.

The “tell” is that the Player tries just a little too hard to reassure you of his good character. The real Handsome Dad sees no need to do this – his actions match his words, and his pace is more relaxed because he’s not concerned with getting to Pump & Dump as fast as possible.

From the TRUST ME chapter of the Player Orientation Handbook, here are the tried and true dupes of the Player and his less powerful cousin, the Wannabe Player.

The Overcompensation Declaration

“I really, really like you.”

“This could be a real game changer.”

“This is new – I haven’t felt this way about a girl before.”

“I’m really interested to see where this goes.”

“You’re my dream girl – you have all the qualities of the perfect girlfriend.”

“I would never hurt you.”

“I’m not seeing anyone else right now.”***

The Player is aware that he must combat a reputation for treating women poorly. His best bet is to convince you early on that you have knocked him for a loop, he is in uncharted territory, that it’s starting to look like you may actually be HIS EXCEPTION.

For obvious reasons, Players target strangers and college freshmen.

***The Player is a fan of “the letter of the law.” When he says he is not seeing anyone else right now, he means, now, as in this minute. Because he is with you. Tomorrow doesn’t count, nor does a long-distance regular hookup.

The Nice to Puppies and Children Testimonial

“I always take my little sister out for Valentine’s Day. It’s been our tradition since she was 7.”

“My mom and I are really close. You’d love her.”

“Every summer I’m a counselor at a summer camp for boys. Those kids are the greatest. I can’t wait to have a son of my own some day.”

“Mikey and I have been best friends since kindergarten.”

Moving the Relationship Forward With “Awwww”

Only 10 finger taps get him major bonus points: He texts “Good night” and “Home safe?” after separating.

When he’s not with you, which is most of the time, he texts: “Thought of you today” or “Missing you on my beach vacation. Wish I could see you in a bikini right now ;)” (Note: If you read closely, you’ll see that specifics are usually sexual in nature.)

There are lots of missed opportunities, which disappoint him immensely:

“I thought you were going to be at the party! Miss you.”

“Where you at? Come meet me.” (Between midnight and 2 a.m.)

“What happened to you last night? I figured I’d see you out.”

“Ben just told me you were sick all weekend. I wish I’d known, I was looking for you.”

The Enlistment of Wingmen

His friends vouch for him in order to quell your doubts.

“He really, really likes you.”

“I haven’t seen him like this over a girl before.”

“Zach is such a good guy – the best. Definitely not a player. Just so you know.”

“We told Ty we think you guys are great together.”

Adopting a Boyfriendy Persona

He holds hands. Girls are such suckers for hand holding!

He suggests leaving a party early because he really wants to have time alone with you to really talk. You feel flattered, especially if he suggests an innocent activity – “Let’s go get an ice cream cone.”

He refers generally to future plans as if you will be part of them (but doesn’t actually make any plans to include you).

He acts protective: walks you home or calls you a cab.

He acts possessive and perhaps even jealous. This thrills you!

The Epilogue

Players always “fizzle” or disappear suddenly without a word once they’ve had sex. In the event you decide to confront the Player, he will call you a Psycho, act very put upon, and then say one of the following:

“I thought I wanted to be your boyfriend, and then I didn’t.”

“I’m just feeling overwhelmed by this. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship after all.”

“I’m young, I just wanna have fun with my friends.”

“I’ve been having a hard time, and I’d be a terrible boyfriend to you. Trust me, I don’t want to do that to you.”

He then immediately moves along to his next target, and you write to me. 🙂

Have you ever been played? Have you ever heard these lines or variations on them? Got some others to share? Discuss in the Comments!

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